Newspaper Page Text
NEVER FAILS TO
CURB WHEN THE PATIENT 18 AFFLICT
ED WITH WORMS.
This Vermifuge li confidently recommended
to the public a an effectual remedy for expell
ing Worms from the system. It Is extensively
used, and has In every case produced the do
ll red effect, and often after other remedies fail
ed. It Is purely vegetable, mild In its opera
tion, and may be given with perfect safety.
Worm Confections, Worm Lozenges, Worm
-Sugar Flume, Worm Chocolate, &c, are at
tractive and sweet names, but of no account
unless they destroy the worms. Thompson's
VERMIFUGE Is an old established and well
tried remedy, containing no Calomel or Mm
ebal of any kind. It Is warranted not only to
destroy worms, but by its slight purgative
property, carry off the mucus and slime which
produce and nourish them. ; Worms are fre
quently the cause of disease In children when
they are not suspected, on account of the symp
toms of them resembling those of Dysentery,
Fever, Convulsions, Ac. Children are often
treated for the above and similar complaints
without success, while these pests of the bow
els are destroying the life, as they increase so
rapidly and are continually moving from one
part of the body to another, parents should pay
particular attention to all symptoms of worms:
picking of the nose, offensive breath, eyes
sunken and dim with dark circles around
them, grinding of tlio teeth during sleep, Irreg
ular appetite, dull, sickly look, wasting of the
body, iluBltcs of heat, vertigo, swelled stom
ach, a sense of something rising in the, Jhroatj
fever, drowsiness, starting in the sleep, fits,
nauBoa, unusual thrist, gnawing sensation of
the stomach, frequent desire to pass something
from the bowels, slimy discharges, Ac. Per
sons of all ages are liable to suffer from Worms.
PREPARED ONLY BT
Crawford & Fobes,
N o. 141 MARKET STREET,
The above are prepared only by
CRAWFORD & FOBES,
141 Market Street, PHILADELPHIA, Pa.,
And Bold by Storekeepers generally through
out the country.
The Great External Remedy for
SPRAINS, BRUISES, Ac, Ac.
EQUALLY GOOD FOR MAN OR BEAST.
This Liniment has eorued for Itself a reputa
tion unequalled In the history of external ap
plications. Thousands who tiow saner from
Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Ac., would find im
mediate relief from aU their pain by using this
certain remedy. It Is equally effectual in Cuts,
Burns, Scalds, Stiffness of the Neck, Bore
Throat, Swellings, Inflammations, Frost Bites,
Pains in the Side and Back, Bites of Spiders
or Stings of Insects. ' One rubbing will In all
cases give immediate relief, and a few applica
tions complete a cure. On account of its pow
erful penetrating properties It Is beyond doubt,
the SUREST REMEDY for the most trouble
some diseases to which horses and cattle are
liable. It cures Scratches, Old and Fresh Cuts
and Sores, Chafes produced by collar or sad
dle. Injuries caused by nails or splints enter
ing the flesh or hoofs, Bruises, Sprains, Swee
ney; Bpavln, Thrush,- and all diseases which
destroy the hoofs or bones of the feet. Fall
directions accompany each bottle. Prepared
By Crawford & Fobes,
141 Market Street.
30 b ly
Life Insurance Company,
OP NEW YORK,
STRICTLY M UTUALt
ISSUES all the new lonns of Policies, and pre
sents an favorable terms asany compaoy In the
Thirty days' uraeeallowedon eachpaynient.and
the pulley item goou during uuu iim
Potlcleslssuedbythis Company are nou-forfelt
No extra charges are made for traveling permits.
Pollcy-holdersshareln the annual prontsof the
Company, and have a voice lu the tlectlans and
No policy or medical feeeharged.
J W. FROHT, prtMdtnt.
M. U. Wimkoop, Vloe I'ren't
J.P.Koo.as.Hee'y.. j y
Ne. 6 North Third Street.
College Block, Ilarrlsburg, Pa.
TH08. H. MIM.IOAN,
631yt r Bpcll Agent for Newport,
BI.AOK AI.PAOOAB The Cheapest and Bert
line .1 Alpaeoas at prlee. Iron i 28 wnts to
'll.uuuer yru, win wo ma
I- oth OH NKW OOOIW4 consisting of Winter
J bklrts of various Htyles. Inrm Goods, Hal
.moral Hose. Ginghams, bhli'UngHtrliiej .
Just revived by ; ., . . t - K. MOKTIMBB.
A Spelling Frolic In Cleveland.
ON Monday evening; a regular old-fashioned
spelling-school was held at tbe
Woodland Avenue Presbyterian Church.
Tbe first was held last week, by way of ex
periment, and the affair was so exceedingly
enjoyable and satiafactory that it was de
termined to have another. Notwithstanding
tbe extreme inclemency of the weather,
thore was a large attendance, embracing all
classes, old and young. The " school" was
conducted upon tbo same principle barring
the sleigh-riding and "sparking" aa in
"the country," where, as Is well known,
tbo spelling-school is oho of tbe most cher
ished whiter institutions.
Shortly before 8 o'clock the "choosing
aides" began, a young lady and gentleman
having volunteered to organize and lend the
opposing forces through tho many worded
combat. All were urged to participato,but
"with one consent began to make excuse,"
and were aa prolific in excuses as those told
of in the Bible who wore invited to the mar
riage supper. A Herald reporter who had
just dropped into "seo the fun" was press
ed into the service, tbo mauagcrs declaring
that no excuse would be accepted from him.
A Ledger chap who was present was simi
larly beset, but ho firmly declared be
wouldn't, and that was "tbe end on't,"
and thoy were compelled to raise tho siege
and " lot bim off." lie consented, however,
to act aa " referee."
At length, when the audionce bad been
"pumped dry" as tho boss declared it
was found that forty-six, twenty-three on
each side, were in line, eager for the fray.
Among them were a leading ministor who
enjoys the reputation of being one of the
"crack" spellers of the neighborhood a
county official, a bank cashier, half a dozen
school teachers, and many well-known resi
dents of both sexes. A considerable num
ber were pupils of publio schools, and some
of those showed that tbey were "no
slouches" at spelling either.
Qn account of tbe mutations of school
text bodks the spelling books in use when
those who are now men and women went
to school in pinafores and pantalets having
long since gono out of date and tbe differ
ences of authority in orthography, it was
agreed that, although words might not be
spelled as in the book from which thoy wore
prouounced, if they were spelled as author
ized in tbe dictionary, it should not count
as a "miss." Ilere was whore tho referee
got in his work. lie was furnished with a
copy of Webster's Unabridged, and to film
and . his big book all questions of this na
ture were referred for scttlomont.
All the preliminaries being arranged,
" time" was callod, and Mr. II. M. James,
one of the city supervising principals, began
to give out words from " De wolfs Speller"
tbe book used in our publio schools. He
went a couple of times along the lines with
tbe "easy" words of two syllables, as he
said to give tho spellors a chanco to recover
from their embarrassment and " get their
bands in." Duriug the first fifteen minutes
but two or three words wore missed. Then
Mr. James got down to business, and scan
ning page after page with his practical eye,
he selected the more difficult words, and
the slaughter became general.
Whenever the fatal word "Next!" was
pronounced the person who had missed
quietly slid out and took a seat among the
spectators. Now - and then a word would
sweep down a half a dozen in a row, leav
ing great gaps in the ranks. The survivors
closed up tbe gaps, the second fifteen
minutes witnessing tbe downfall of at least
half of the combatants. Those remaining
had gonerally pretty well explored the
mysteries of English orthography, and
during the third quarter the casualties be
came less frequent. Tbe master of cere
monies turned over leaf after leaf, keeping
an eye for " bard words" and one by one
the spelleis went down. Tbe cashier stood
fire nobly, but in an unguarded moment the
word "vinegar" soured on him and be went
At length but ten remained, the "sides"
being just equal five on each, and both
tbe leaders still bravely holding their posi
tions. Then the county official struck a
snag aud surrendered j two lads who hod
fought valiantly were swept away, and Mr.
James betook himself in 1 earnest to the
work of searching out puzzlers. In fifty
minutes from the opening of the engage
ment but five remained tbe lady "cap
tain" ' with the clergy as her support, and
the gentleman, flanked by the press repre
sentative, and a young lady who had thus
far withstood every Bssault.
The feniiulue leader was the next victim,
reducing tbe quintet to a quartet, on one
aide the minister being "left blooming
alone." Warming up to his work, . Mr.
James became almost frantic In bis zeal to
hunt up hard words, but for several min
utes the four were invulnerable. At this
juncture he threw aside the book be bad
been uslu'g ; and with a sardonic smile upon
his face be went down Into bis coat pocket
and brought out the " blue book," For
some time vague hints had been thrown
out about the dernier resort, and Its ap
peal auce was the signal for enthusiastic:
applause, while the quartet exchanged sig
ficant glances, tbe Interpretation of which
was : " Now we're going to catch it."
" That " blue book" Isn't so very Urge,
but there's a good deal iu it to be spelled,
It contains a host of such words as "chaly
beate," ."phylactery," ('erysipelas,'! Vlog
arithmio," " pharmaceutical," etc., ad in
finitum, ' to say nothing of orthographical
monstrosities of all kinds, tbe whole Com
piled for j list suob occasions. With a fiend
ish delight, Mr. James burled those polysyllabic-
thunderbolts at the little class
standing before him. At length the young
lady and tho Expounder of the GospM both
got inextricably entangled in the folds of
an atrocious six-syllabled word, and only
two were left.
After successfully resisting the bomlmrd
meut for a few minutes the "other fellow"
not the penoil driver, who was bound to
maintain the honor of the press, slipped up
on a word about a foot long, bnt he didn't
know It till afterward, as the principal's at
tention was at the instant directed else
where, and the error was nut noticed by
him. Then along came a little word of
three, syllables and finished both of them.
Neither bad ever seen or heard of the word
before and wore obliged to "go it blind,"
They made wild aud desperate efforts, but
floundorcd hopelessly and gave up in de
spair. Keep Up with the Fashion.
" Ma, can I go aud bear the negro sere
nade! g to- night 7"
"No my dear, I cannot think of, letting
you go to such performances." '
" Why, Ma, everybody goes to hear
them, they sing such comic songs, and tell
all sorts of funny stories ; you cau't help
laughing all the time. I do wish you
would let me go." '
" You must not urge me Charley, for I
can nut throw away money on fellows who
go nbout disguised as negroes, singing
songs that have no good tendency, and
telling stories that are not calculated to
improve the mind, but rniher to do hurt.
And more than that, I do not believe that
any of the bettor class of society visit the
"Indeed, Ma, then you are vastly mis
taken, for I beard Judge Brown's boys say
they wore there with their father aud sis
ters, and I saw Mr. Jones, my Sabbath
school teacher, go in last evening ; and I
was in the store to-day where they sell the
tickets, and the minister of the Brook
Street Church came in and purchased three
or four to take bis family."
"Are you sure about what you toll me,
"Yes, Ma: and Mr. Smith remarked
when he sold the tickets, that the concerts
were attended by very fashionable audi
ences." ' ' , .
" Well, that alters the case, some ; you
(nay go and tell your sister Angelica to
dress for the concert, and I will accompany
you ; I believe there is nothing but a pray-er-mcetiug
at our church to-night. We
must keop up with the fashion."
An Inquisitive Yuukoe.
A peering New Englander overtook a
gentleman who was traveling on horseback,
notwithstanding the disadvantage of hav
ing lost a leg. II is curiosity was awaken
ed, as ha rode alongside of. him, to know
how he chanced to meet with such a mis
fortune. : r
"Been in the army, I guess?" ,
" Never was in the army iu my life," was
the reply. .
"Kit a duel?"
" Never fought a duel, sir."
" Horse throwed you off, I guess, or
something of that sort ?"
" No sir ; nothing of that kind."
Jonathan tried various dodges, hut to no
effect ; and at last, almost out of patience
whose patience was very commendable, be
determined on a direct inquiry as to the
nature of tbe accident by which the gentlo
mau had come to lose his leg. '
" I will tell you replied tbe traveler, "on
condition that you will promise not to ask
me another question."
" Agreed 1" exclaimed tbe eager listener,
" Well, sir," remarked tbe gentleman,
" it was bit off!"
" Bit off 1". oried Jonathan. " Wa'al, I
declare ; I should jest like. to know what on
airth bit it off I" ,.
A HucoesHful Kuse.
A woman who resided at Ferry Village ;
opposite Portland, Me., and who comes
over to the city frequently to assist fam
ilies in bouse cleaning,, started to return to
the Cape in the evening, but was too late
to catch the last ferry-boat. Although a
young woman of considerable personal
attraction, she was not devoid of pluck,
and she determined to walk borne by way
of Portland bridge. The hour was late,
between ten and eleven, but Uie woman
trudged gaily along, carrying quite a large
bundle tbat had been given her by tbe
family with whom she had been working.
As she passed a little clump of woods on
tbe cross road that connects the Cape
Elizabeth road with Ferry Village, a man
suddeuly stepped forth with, tbe remark :
" Good evening, miss ; allow me to escort
you home." Thank you sir," said the
woman bold aa a lion, when most would
have been ' soared to death" bat, unless
you have had the small-pox, I wouldn't ad
vise you to approach me. I am only allow
ed to go out in the evening, and am bow
taking some soiled Uneu from a patient to
be washed." It nay' be' unnecessary to
remark tbat the individual In question gas
ped out au " Oh, Lord 1" and the last seen
of bim was a pair of coat tails making good
time toward Portland bridge.
, The Lawyer's Joke.
OLD COL. D- , was a keen law
yer, and one of the most inveterate
practical jokers of his time. lie flourished
in the days, when it was customary for the
lawyers to " ride the circuit," and there
are those still living who will remember
many of his freaks in tbe joking line, and
how the Colonel, though hard to beat, was
once taken in by a couple of young lawyers,
with whom the Colonel was not on speak
ing terms, the result of one of the Colonel's
practical jokes. ,
They were once on the same circuit with
tho Colonel, and were to pass through a
region with which they were perfectly ac
quainted, though the Colonel whs not.
Tho young lines determined, us they were
about leaving one of the courts fur another,
to have some sport at the expense of the
Colonel by the way. Accordingly tliey got
half au hour's start in leaving, ami soou
arrived at a dark, broad st renin, that look
ed as though it. might be a dozen feet deep,
though in reality it was not. more lliau as
many inches. Crossing it, they dismount
ed, pulled off their coats aud boots, and
sat down to wait for the Colonel.
At length the old fellow camo jogging
along, and the youngsters commenced put
ting on their coats and boots as though
they had just bad a swim. The Colonel
was awfully puzzled.
" Have to swim ?" ho growled, after sur
veying the situation a moment.
No reply was made, the others simply
mounting their horses aud riding away a
short distance, whore they stopped to see
The Colonel slowly divested himself of
coat, pants, boots and drawers. These he
tied up in his handkerchief, aud hung
them on the born of the saddle. He then
remounted, and mado a very interesting
Slowly and cautiously did the old gentle
man and bis horse take to tho wator. Half
a length, and the water was not fetlock
deep. Two lengths, and the stream no
deeper. His horse stopped and took a long
drink. Thirty feet further, and a decided
shoaling. Tho Colonel reined up and
cogitated thus :
"There must be a tremendous deep
channel between here and the hank ; see
how tho wator runs. Well, we'll go
through it," and be gave his horse a lash
that sent bim through the watery waste,
and lauded his rider safely on the opposite
bauk. The creek was uo where no more
than a foot deep I
A wild yell from the youngsters, as they
galloped away, exposed the plot to the now
raving Colonel, and announced their ap
probation of tbe sport.
Dressed and mounted again, the Colonel
started off with a wofuhphiz, and was soon
out of sight. To hear some of the tallest
kind of , talking after that affair, it was
only necessary to ask the Colonel as to the
depth of (he water in " Swimming Creekt"
for by that name It is kuown to this day.
Changes of a Century.
The nineteenth century , has witnessed
many great discoveries : ,
In 1800 Fulton took out the . first patent
for the invention of the steamboat.
The first steamships which made regular
trips aorosa the Atlantio Ocean were the
Sirus and tho Great Western, in 1830.
In 1813 the streets of London were for
the first time lighted with gas.
In 1813 there was built In Waltham,
Mass., a mill, believed to be the first in
world which combined all the requirements
for making finished cloth from raw cotton,
In 1700 there was only twenty-five post
offices in this country, and up to 1837 the
rates of postage were twenty-five cents for
a letter sent over four hundred miles.
In 1807 wooden clocks commenced to be
made by machinery. This ushered in the
era of cheap clocks, i ,
About Um year 1833 tbe first railroad of
any considerable length was built in the
In 1840 the first experiment of photo
graphy were made by Daguerre.
The autharclta coal business was begun
in 1820. ......
In 1830 tbe patent for the invention of
matches was granted. ,
, In 1845 the first telegram was sent.
i Steel pens , were introduced for use in
The first successful trial of a reaper took
place in 1833.
In 1810 iuias liowe obtaiued a patent
for the first sewing machine.
Tbe first successful method of making
vulcanized India rubber was patented in
Magrudera OoaU i . .
Mrs. Magruder's baby U carried out by
the nurse now, since tbe acctdeut to it ear
riage. ' Masrruder thought it would be i
good Idea to have a tame goat to pull the
coach, and he bouuht one for the nurnose:
but one day tbe goat met another goat that
differed from him in politics or religion, or
aometblug, and each undertook to convince
tue other by jamming him Iu the skull.
IV very time Magruder a goat would rear up
preparatory to makings, luuge , forward,
nagruaer a baby would lurch over back
ward, and when Magruder's goat struck the
other goat, tbe concussion would shake tka
milk tu the babv'a stomach into huttnr
And sometimes the other- goat' would aim
at Magiuder's goat, which would dodge,
and then the other goat would pliuigo
headforemost into the coach, and mash the
baby up in the most frightful meatier.
And in the midst of the contest a couple ot
dogs joiued in, and Magruder's goat bask
ed off and tittod tbe coach into the gutter,
and the dogs, biting around kind of gener
ally, would snap at the goat and cause it to
whirl the baby around just in time for the
bite ; until at last the goat got disheactened
and sprang through the fence, leaving the
coach on the other side, and it .struggled
frantically to escape, while the other goat
crowded up against the baby iu order to
avoid tho dogs, and finally kinked the baby
out, and butted tbe ooach to splinters.
They say the way Mrs. Magrudor eyed
Magrudcr that afteruoou when they
brought the baby home mutilated aud dis
heveled, was simply awful to behold ; but
she didn't speak to bim for a week,' aud he
had to soften her down by buying her tin
ostrich feather for her Winter hnt. The
goat is still at large. Anybody who wants
him can have him free of charge. Ma
grudcr doesn't recognize him when ho
moots tho animal on the street.
An Irishman's Will.
In the name of God, Amen t I, Timothy
Doolan, of Barrydownderry, in the connty
of , Clare, farmer ; being sick and wake on
my legs, but of sound bead and warm heart
Glory be to God I do make this my first
and last will old and new testament. First,
I give my soul to God, when it plazcs Him
to take it, sure no thanks to roe, for I can't
help it thin, and my body to be buried at
Barrydownderry chapel, whore all my kith
and kiu have gone before me, and those
that live after, belonging to me are buried,
peace to their ashes, and may the sod rest
lightly over their bones. Bury me near
my godfather and my mother who lie sepa
rated all together at the other side of tbe
chapel yard. . I lave tbe bit of ground
containing ton acres rale old Irish acres
to me eldest son Tim, after the death of his
mother, if she lives to survive him. My
daughter and he husband Paddy O'ltegan
are to get tho white sow that's goiug to
have twelve black boniffg. Teddy, my sec
ond boy, that was killed iu the war iu
Amerikay, might have got his pick of
poultry, but, as ho has gone, , I'll leave
them to his wife, who died a week before
hira ; I bequeath to all maukind fresh air
of heaven, all the fishes of the sea they can
take, and all tho birds they can shoot. I
leave to them all the sun, moon aud stars.
I leave to Peter O'Rafforty, a pint of por
teen I can't finish, and God be merciful to
A New Dish.
Up to the time when those superb pala
ces, the Southern Michigan and Northern
Indiana, were afloat on Lake Erie, no man
was better known or more highly esteemed
by the tens of thousands of travelers who
went up and down upon Us waters than
Captain A. D. Perkins. Iu every port,
from Chicago to Buffalo, his broad, sunny
face was well known and always welcome.
He loved a joke, and used to tell this on
His nautical career as commander was
commenced in a schooner. During one of
his trips he had been so long baffled by ad-'
verse winds that tbe provision chest had
got quite too low for comfort. A few
chickens were still left in a coop on deck.
These he told the cook to prepare for din
ner ; but soon after, meeting a fishing
smack, purohased some fish, merely saying
to the cook :
"Sara, we have got fish now, so you may
postpone the chickens."
At dinner strange-looking mess was
placed before the captain, who said :
"Sam, what is this?"
" To whioh Bam replied :
"Oh, dem's de postponod ohiokens,mass'
Unman Frailty. , .
A man who understood human nature
made a wager that there was not a dozen
men in his native town who would stand a
certain test which he speoifled. The wager
was accepted, twelve representative male
citizens designated, and to oaoh a dainty
note, written in a feminine baud, couched
iu seduotive but yet polished terms, was
scut as coming from a lady. The missive
stated that the writer had aeen the gentle
man addressed, been impressed by bis
bearing and appearance, and most anxious,
ic, according to tbe usual style. The
writer would be glad to meet Mr. Vanity
at such and such a point at such a time.
The notes were duly seat, and the con
splrators anxiously awaited tbe result of
the affair. Much to the chagrin of the
gentlemen who accepted the wager and
the triumph of the other, every one of the
men to whom notes were sent, married and
single, old and young, appeared at tbe
proper point at the exact time named. AU
ladies will believe this story.
t3T An elevator company at Toledo,
Ohio, run all their engines by steam gener
ated over fires or eorn-cobs. These oobs
are the remnants of the immense loads of
corn on the ear consigned to them daily
and shelled by machinery.
OT He who has not a . good memory
should never take upon himself the trade
of lying. . . ,