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HfcuotcD ta politics, Ciicmturc, griailtnrc,- S thine, iHoraliti), cut a ntcrcil intelligence
STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA SEPTEMBER 14, 18S5.
Published by Theodore Schoch.
TERMS Two dollars .1 year in advance-and if no
aid before the end of the ycaj, two dollars and fitly
its. will bo charged. ., .,
N paper discontinued until all arrearages nre paid,
'except at the option of the Editor.
. C7"JUvertiscrnciits of one square of (eight lines) or
UtToneor three insertions $1 50. Each additional
"Uie'rtUn, 50 cents. Longer ones in proportion.
OF ALL KINDS,
Sieeitei im the highest style of the Art, and onthe
most rcusorriblc terms.
Attempt to Shcot a Man in Court.
There was a terrific flare up in Court at
Williamsport, on Tuesday last. A soldier
named Goldey, on his return home, not be
ing satisfied with the appearance of his
wife, charged her with infidelity, which
ehe acknowledged. " He indicted a man
named Sanford for fornication. While one
of the counsel was arguing the case, Goldy
approached Sanford, and suddenly snapped
a pistol which missed fire, within a few
inches of his head. The latter sprung to his
feet and clinched Godly, when the pistol
was fired. Goldy was at last thrown onthe j
floor, but not until he fired his pistol the j
third time. Fortunately no one was hurl,
thniirrli nno inn n Imrl n hullpt nut inmiirrli
. b ' , , :
his coat ana ins snoui.ier si.gntiy scratched. ,
The room was crowded, and such of confu-
aion and terror arc not often witnessed in a
court of justice, yet some of them were cx-1
trcmcly ludicrous. The Judges dropped
themselves like hot potatoes, behind there
desks. Lawyers skedaddled over chairs and
tables. The Phrothonatory, six footer es
caped on his hands and knees. A number
got out of the windows and others held up
chairs as a shield. Aftcrjtho smoke and con
fusion passed ofi; the prosecutor was sent to
r,r., n,? tiio fiofiniiit wns rnnvir-.tof and !
fined bv the court.
The Cristian Obscrver,one of the religious
organs in Richmond, condemns a new juven
ile singing book issued by the American
Tract Soicety of New York, because it con
tains a. song entitled the "Land of the Free,"
which commences as follows:
My country, my country, I cherish thee still,
Though many the ills that defile thee ; J
I'll weep o'er thy woes, I'll pray for the weal, j
And never, no, never revile thee."
It describes the hymn as a "political song j
concealed as it were among the hymns?, like ;
n snake coiled up among flowers, which i
will prevent its extensive circulatisn among
lh Sabbath schools of the South." There
is little hope of permanent peace and quiet
in the South until such sentiments as arc
here expressed are thoroughly eradicated
The following letter was by a father to gnly.
his son in college: "My dear Son I write j "I'll not stand here to be insulted !
to send you new stocks, which vour mother 1 Make off with yourself, or I'll call the po
hae just knit by cutting down some of mine. ' Hcc ! I thought from the first that you
. . , .;,y,nt ' was an entry thiet, but you don t play no
Your mother sends you ten dollars without -. J . . ' . ,J , , j ,
J rrnino nn mr ! ' nnrl ho hnnirorf tnn ilnnr in
my knowledge, and for fear you would not ;
ipend it wisely, 1 have kept back nail, and
only send you five. Your mother and I are lmrry (0 find the Smith's I should have
well, except your sister has got the measles, given that rascally fellow a sound chasti
which we think would spread among the , sing on the spot.
other girls if Tom had not had them before j Inquiry elicited the fact that a John
.ni,- ;e fi,o ni,nnn if T i,nno vnn will . Smith res'ulcd in Avch street. Thith-
do honor to my teachings ; if you do not, you
ere a donkey, and your mother and myself
are your affectionate parents."
Among the millitary prisoners confined in
the Penitentiary at Richmond, awaiting
trial for his crimes, is Dick Turner, known j "Yes sir," he cried in a voice of thun
a the infamous and inhuman keeper of : der : Mr. Smith is in ! Yes, sir ; for once
Libby Prison. He is confined in a cell 8 by he's in. He stayed at home all day on
12, seen by and seeing only the surgeon, who purpose to catch you ! and now, by Jupi
..: i.; a i,oi,i, i ter ! I'll have my revenge !
uui justice luajf uui uu nituiw vut, ui
due, The season of reflection afforded Tur-
ner has operated very materially upon his ,
system From the weight of 1G5 pounds he
ie reduced to a mere skelton. j
Uncle John Morris wa.s a chronic toper,
One day while returning from the tavern,
he found locomotion impossible, and brought
.. s f- ..' u
up m iue corner oj a wuiu. -
. .. . 1
a few minutes, when the minister came
long. "Uncle John," said he, " where do
you suppose you will go when you come to
die!" " If I can't go any better then I can
now I shan't go anywhere," replied Uncle
A " Farmer's Boy" advertises in a paper
for a wife He says:
He wants to know if she can milk
And make his bread and butter;
And go to meeting without silk,
To make a show and splutter.
He'd like to knew if it would hurt
Her hand to take up stitches;
Or sew the buttons on his shirts,
Or make a pair of breeches.
Father," said a rougish boy, " I hope
you won't buy any more gunpowder tea for
" Why not!"
" Because every time she drinks it, she
blows us up.
Go to bed, sir, immediately."
An iriclimnn Rfifiinn- a work advertised
entitled "Endless Amusement," remarked
that it would be a cheap work to whoever
could have long enough to reud it.
THE SEAECH FOE JOHN SMITH.
John Smith married my father's great
uncle's eldest daughter, Melinda Byrne.
Consequently I was a relative to John.
John's family had often visited us at
our quiet country home, and at each vis
it had most cordially pressed us to return
Last October, business called me sud
denly to the city of B , where our
relatives resided, and without having time
to write ana apprise them ot my com
ing, I was intending a visit to the family
of Mr. John Smith.
With my accustomed carelessness, I
had left his precise address at home in
my note book : but I thought little of it-:
I could easily find him, I thought to my
self, as the cars set me down amid the
smoke and bustle at B .
I inquired for my relative of the first
hackman I came across.
He looked at me with an ill suppressed
What was he laughing at ?' To
be sure my clothes were not of the very
latest cut, aud it is not just the tiling lor
any one out of the army to wear bluej
but my coat was !
wliilo nrfl flit. Ai,- 1f?ntr liorl cnnnrnfj
the buttons with whitmug and soft
untU they shonQ Hke g0,d
lnv Question with di"-uitv
"Can rou direct me to the residence of
Mr. Smith ?'
"Mr. S-tn.i-fc.h ?" he said slowly.
"Yes, sir, 31 r. John Smith He mar
ried my father's great uncle's daughter,
"I do not think I know a John Smith
with a wife Melinda."
John Smith seemed to be a common
noun with a him, from the peculiar tone
he used m speaking ol that individual
''Ah I" remarked I, "then there is
more than one of that name in the city?"
''I rather think there is."
kYery well, then. Direct mc to the
. nearest." j
i "The nearest is in West street.
, oud left hand corner you'll see the name
( on the door."
I I passed on, congratulating myself on
i the cordial welcome I should receive from
I John and Melinda.
I soon reached the place a handsomel
house with the name on a silver door plate
I rang the bell a servant appeared.
"Mr. Smith in ?"
"No, sir ; Mr. Smith is in the armv."
"Mrs. Smith is she ?"
"In the army ? oh no she's at the
"This is Mr. John Smith's house, is it?"
"Was his wife's name Mcliuda. and
j was she a Byrne before she was married,
from Squashville t
The man reddened and responded an-
and he banned the door in
4-L 111 S UU kuw
j a th;ef j jf j ha(j not been in such
er I bent my steps. A maid-servant
auswered my rinr.
"Mr. Smith in'
Before the girl could reply, a big, red
faced man jumped out of the shadows be
hind the door, and laid his heavy hand
upon my shoulder.
"Sir," said I. "there must be some mis
take. Allow me to inquire if you are
Mr. John Smith ?"
. f , . M j , g Uh
jQ a way yQU wont rcish you don't
settle the damage forthwith. Five thou-
j an,i dollars is the very lowest figures
and you must leave the country !
j "Uood gracious ! cried I, what do you
take me for ? You'd better be careful,
or vou'll get your head caved in !
: - ' r Wi :n fnr vm, vfm
' . IX VUIU jviA " J J J
cried he, springing
at me with his caue
j f'Oh, John, dear John!" exclaimed a
siirjH female voice, and a tall figure in a
Eea of flounces bounced down the stair
way. iOU i aou t : iur ui iuvu vi jicii
ven, John don't murder him I"
"Who the duece do you take mc for 1"
l. .. I il. 1 C 1
cried I, my temper raising.
"It looks well for you to ask that ques
tion !" sneered the man "you, who have
won my wife's heart, and are here now to
plan to elope with her ! I've found it all
out vou needn't blush, and "
'I beg your pardon lor interrupting
vou, saia i : oui j. huvu uuvm cuuu
vour wife before. 1 perceive sue is not
Melinda, the eldest daughter of my fath-
"Sir; do you deny that you are Wil
liam Jones ? Bo you deny that you arc
in love with my wife i
"T am not a Jones I
have not the
lonur. 011. 1 iiuu.v im j
arkwell of Squashville !" and with a
,ow I took myself off.
After I had called at tne residences or
three John Smiths none of which was
mv Mr Smith and nothing occurred
worthy of note
My next Mr. Smith resided in Port -
laud st. Thither I bent my steps. It was
a very small house evidently not the
home of wealth and cleanliness. I made
my way up to the front door, through a
wilderness of old rags, broken crockery,
old tin-ware, etc., scattering a flock of
hens, and rousing a snappish little terrier
from his nap on the step.
A red faced woman answered my rap,
but before I could make my customary
inquiry, she opened upon mc like a two
"Well, of all the imnudent rascals that
ever I see, you beat the lot ! I want to
Know it you nave got the cheek to come
back here again t You'd like to sell me
another Gorman silver tea-pot, and anoth- J
er Drass nosom pm to dear Arainmty .
wouldn't ye ?'
"By no means," said I ; "I beg to in
form you "
"On, needn't beg ! We don't believe
in beggars ! I s'pose you thought I
shouldn't know ye but I did 1 I should
know that black bag of yours in Califor
ny ! Clear out of my premises, or I'll
try my broom handle over ye ! If there
is anything I hate, it's a pedler
ally a rascal like you."
"Allow me to inquire," said I, "if Mr,
Smith's wife was Melinda Byrne, the el
dest daughter of my father s
The broomstick was lifted ; I heard it
cut the air like a minnie bullet, aud
sprang down the steps into the street at
my best pace.
Au angry man I do not fear; but who
can stand before an angry woman ? I
had rather face a roaring lion.
I called on two more Smith's still un
successful in my search. It was getting
near dark, and I was more than anxious
to reach my destination.
My next Mr. Smith was located in
Lenox street. It was twilight when I
rang the bell at his door.
A smiling fellow admitted mc, fairly
forcing mc into the hall, belore I could
utter a word.
"Walk right in, sir ; they are expecting
The ladies will be down m a uio-
Hattie is in the back parlor.
Walk right m sir.
I was gently pushed toward the door
of a shadowy apartment, and at the en
trance I was announced :
"Mr. Henry !"
. The gas was not lighted and the apart
ment was iu semi-darkness. I heard a
soft, quick footfall on the carpet, and a
pair of arms fell arouud my neck, and a
pair of the sweetest lips on the footstool
touched mine : and, good gracious for a
moment the world swam; aud I felt as if
I had been stewed in honey, and distilled
into Lubin's best triple extract of roses !
"Oh, Henry my dearest and best !
Why don't you kiss me Henry !" cried a
voice like music, you "have ceased to care
for me?" and again the kiss was repeated.
Who could resist the temptatiou ? I
am uaturally a diffident man, but I have
some human nature in me, and I paid her
principal aud interest.
"Oh, Henry, I had so feared that being
in the army had made you hard hearted
heavens I She fell back a-
gainst a chair pale as death. Ihe servant
had lit the gas, and I stood revealed.
"I beg your pardon, marm," said I,
"there is evideutly some mistake. May
I inquire if Mr. Smith's wife was Melin
da Byrne, the eldest daughter of my fath
er's great uncle ?"
The red flush came to the young lady's
cheek she was as handsome as a picture
and she replied with courtesy :
"She was not. You will, I hope, ex-
cuse me lor the plunder 1 committed i
We are expecting my brother Henry from
the army, and your blue clothes deceived
"For which I shall always wear blue,"
E replied gallantly. "Allow me to intro
duce myself I am Henry Parkwell, of
Squashville! and in making my best bow,
I stumbled backwards over an ottoman,
and, fell smash into a china closet, de
molishing at least a dozen plates, and aa
many glass tumblers
I sprang to my feet seized my bag,
and without a word dashed out of the
I knocked over a man who was passing
at the moment, and landed myself on my
head in the gutter. The man picked
himself up, aud was about to make a dis
nlav of muscles, when a glare of the street
lamp revealed to mc the well-known face
of my John Smith.
"Eureka !" cried I. "Allow mc to in
j quire if your wife was Me UnUa, the old
est daughter of my father's great uncle
"She was said he, grasting my hand
"and I am delighted to sec you ! Bu
confound it ! you needn't have come at
a fellow so !"
But I must cut my story short.
He took me home with him ; I had a
good visit ; I saw Mcliuda to my heart's
content, Nay more I met aud was prop
erlv introduced to Hattie binith and
well I am having a new suit of clothes
made and in due time they will married
.-"dcd I to
myself iu them to the young lady
In South America, small farmers arc
wbnsn. lands do not extend over
' more than three square miles. Good land
nan be bought for six cents an acre, and
in some parts cattle are sold for less than
! two siver dollars a head.
A stingy man inquired of a workman
at his table if he knew how many cakes
1 bo had eaten. The latter was unable to
5 say. "Thirty-three," roared the miser
Very well," said the workman "you count
and I'll eat !"
Moorish ladies are usually married at
or before the age of thirteen ; and I was
informed of some curious particulars by
an English lady who was present at one
of these marriages, the family on both
sides being of the lighest Moorish birth.
The young lady was very lovely, and un
der the age I have mentioned above.
The company of ladies (headed by her
mother) amounting in all to upward of
sixty, among whom were my informant
and a few French ladies, surrounded the
bride, whose head, as usual, was wrapped
in a sack, and led her, a. few hours after
dark, to her future home, where they
were received by the mother and female
relations of the bridegroom.
The poor child, weeping bitterly, was
then undressed, carried by her attendants
into a bed, where she was commanded to
sleep for an hour or two while they ate
their supper ! The liluropean ladies were
served apart with coffee, cakes, and con
fectionary ; while the Moorish ladies (some
of them very beautiful) were closely
seated iu a circle on a low cushion, and
on their knees a long napkin which was
a sort of low circular table which moved
on a pivot, and on which the slaves placed
a dish at a time, out of which each ladj
took a mouthful with her fingers, and
with a slight touch made the dish revolve
to her next neighbor.
The dishes succeeded one another to
the number of more than twenty, when
the whole was carried off, and at eleven
a slight refreshment was taken to the
bride, after which the ceremony of dress
ing her commenced. Every lady present
was requested to take some slight part in
this important operation, and my English
friend's consisted in plaiting one of an
immense number of little tresses into
which her long black hair was divided,
with a diamoud trembling at the end of
each. Her face was then enameled and
a star of gold leaf fixed on each check,
as well as on her chin and the tip of her
nose. Hows of the finest pearls were
hung round her neck, increasing in size
until the lower row reached to her waist,
and which were of the size of nuts. Her
dress was of cloth of silver, with the u-
sul muslin trowsers, and a sort of crown
ot diamonds on her head.
By two in the morning all was ready
and the room prepared, when the finish-
ng stroke was but to the whole by gum-
ing down her eyes, which were not to be
opened until the following moruiug when
she might sec her husbaud, and not till
At two o'clock the slave introduced
the bridegroom, a handsome youth of
nineteen, dressed in a pale gray silk pro-
usely ornamented with silver and dia
monds. He took his place under a can
opy, to which the bride was also guided
by her mother and placed by his side.
His mother then poured a few drops ot
rose-water into the bride s hand, which
the bridegroom drank ; and then her
mother poured also a few drops into his
hand and guided it to her daughter s
mouth, and she drank itj upon which
ther were pronounced man and wife, and
the company immediately separated.
The following are the nick-names of
the different States, which we find in an
exchange. The origin of many of them
would be an entertaining study for tho
curious matters :
Maine, Foxes. New Hampshire, Gran
ite Boys. Vermont, Green Mountain
Boys. Masschusetts, Bay Staters, llhode
Island, Guuflints. Connecticut, Wooden
Nutmegs. New York, Knickerbockers.
New Jersey, Clam Catchers. Pennsyl
vania, Leathcrheads. Delaware, lilue
ncu's Chickens. Maryland, Clam Thum
pers. Virginia, Beagles. North Caroli
na, Tar Boilers. South Carolina, Wea
sels. Georgia, Buzzards. Louisiana,
Pelicans. Alabama, Lizards. Kentucky
Corncrackers. Ohio, Buckeyes. Mich
igan, Wolverines. Indiana, lloosiers
Illinois, Suckers. Missouri, Pukes.
Arkansas, Toothpickers. Mississippi,
Tadpoles. Florida, Fly-up-thc-Crceks,
Wisconsin, Badgers. Iowa, Hawkeycs.
California, Gold Hunters. Oregon, Hard
Cases. Nevada, Sage Ileus. Kausas,
Jay hawkers. Minnesota, Gophers. Tex
as, Beef Heads, Nebraska, Bug Eaters.
Waggs went to the depot of one of our
railroads the other evening, and fiuding
the best car full, said in a loud tone :
"Why, this car isn't going."
Of course these words caused a gen
eral stampede, and Waggs took the best
s,cat. The cars soon moved off. Iu the
midst of indignation, Waggs was ques
"You said this car wasu't going ?"
"Well, it wasn't then ; it is now."
The "sold" laughed a little; but
Waggs came rather near a good thrash
ing. "Stuttering Ben," who was toasting
his shius, observing that the oil merchant
was cheating a customer in some oil, call
ed out to him, "Jim, I can t-tcll you how
t-to s-sell t-twice as much oil as you d-do
now." Well, how ?" groaned Jim. "F
fill your measure."
Want to see Grant mighty bad do you?"
said a blue coated veteran to the people
who were crowding to the depot the oth
er morning to get a squint at the famous
general. "W-a-ll, why in thunder didn't
you conie down to the lront when he want
ed to see you, hey ?"
Wanted a Printer.
Wanted a printer, says a cotemporary,
Wanted a mechanical curiosity, with a
brain and fingers a thing that will set so were takiug a bank robber named Ro
many type a day a machine that will'rubachcr, to Butler, Centre, to give e'vl
think and act, but still a machine a be-' dence in the case against Pollard for tho
ing who undertakes the most systematic .same offence. Hero is what hapneaed to'
and monotomous drudgers, yet one that
the ingenuity of man has never supplan
ted mechanically that's a printer.
A printer, yet for all his sometimes
dissipated and reckless habits, a worker,
at all times and hours, day aud night,
ting up in a .close and unwhoh
fVin lliinfpno lofAi. ofill wrlirtn flia otrnnf '
revelers are gone and the city sleeps, in revolver, then, and try your hand at thosa
the fresh air of the morning, in the board : ducks." llorubacher took the weapon,
and gushing sunlight, some printer is at j jumped out of tho little wagon, and swl
his case, with his eternal and unvarying, vaucing towards tho ducks for about teS
click ! click !
Click ! Click ! the polished types fall
into the stick ; the mute integers are mar
shaled into line, and march forth as
immortal print. Click! and the latest j
intelligence becomes old ; thought a prin-
ciple ; simple idea a living sentiment.
Click ! Click ! from grave to gay of scan
dal, a graceful and glowing sentiment
are in turn close by the mute and im
pressive fingers of the machine, and set
adrift in the sea of thought. He must
not think of the future, nor recall the
past ; must not think of home, of kind
red, wife, nor of baby, his work lies be
fore him, and thought is chained to his
You know him by his works, as your
eyes rest upon those mute evidences of
his ceaseless toil. Correspondents au
thors and advisers, who scorn the simple
medium of your fame, think not that he
is iudiffcrent to the gem of which he is
but the setter ; a subtle ray may penetrate
the recesses of his brain, or the flowers
he gathers may not leavo some of the fra
grance upon his toil worn fingers. But
when you seek a friend, companion, ad
viser when you want Judges, Legisla
tors, Governors and Presidents 0, ye
people advertise :
"Wanted A Printer."
The True Kan.
He is above a mean thing. He cannot
stoop to a mean fraud. He invades no
secrets in the keeping of another. He
betrays no secrets confided to his keep
ing. He never struts in borrowed plum
age. He never takes selfish advantage
of our mistakes. He never stabs in the
dark. He is ashamed of inuendocs. He
is not one thing to a man's face and an
other behind his back. If by accident he
comes iu possession of his neighbor's coun
sels, he passes upon them an act of instant
oblivion. He bears scaled packages with
out tampering with the wax. Papers
not meaut for his eye, whether they flut
ter at the window or lie open gbefore him
in unguarded exposure, are sacred to him.
He encroaches on no privacy of others,
however the sentry sleeps. Bolts and
j bars, locks and keys, hedges and pickets,
bonds and securities, notice to trespasses,
are none of them for him. He may be
trusted himself out of sight near the
thinnest partition any where. He buys
no office, he sells none, he intrigues for
none. He would rather fail of his rights
than win by dishonor. He will eat hon
est bread. He insults no man. He tram
ples on no sensitive feeling. If he have
rebuke for another, he is straightforward,
onen. manlv. Iu whatever he ludgcs
honorable he practices toward every man
A Good 'Un.
Some of the beverage dealers in this
citv have the reputation of using very
small glasses iu which they deal out their
beer. The other day a returned soldier
man called a for a drink at one of these
places, and it was dealt out to him in a
small glass. He asked the saloon keeper
if he had a pocket handkerchief to lend
him. Tho rag was handed over, and he
deliberately tied one end of it to the han
dle of the mug, and told the saloon keep
er to hold the other end while he drank
the beer. Very much surprised, he ask
ed the soldier what he meant by such a
straugc proceeding. "Nothiug," he ans
wered, "only the glass was so small I was
afraid of swallowing it." La Crosse
A Venomous Serpent.
M , who lives in the
adjoiuing one in Broome county, is very
much in the habit of "drawing the long
bow." One of his stories is as follows :
"Did you ever see ouo of theso here
"No," says his listener ; "I didn't think
there was any such thing."
"Oh, yes," says Mr
seen one. iuo ana my nircu man vYi&;a nartford saloon keeper is the most exczu-
Tr 1 1 t 1
down there in the homo lot, by the sltJ
of the road, and we seen something roil
ing down the hill, aud says I, 'I guess
that are must be one of them hoopsnakes
coming along.' My hired man he was
afeared and cliin up a tree ; but I took
my hoc in my hand, went out and stood Michigan, two hundred acres of peppermint
side of a tree in the road, and when he 'growing for distillation. Half the land
come along I stuck out tho handle, and cutivatcd for the same crop netted five thou
ho hit it slap, and it made a noise jes Hke'sauu dolI(ira iast year hu CXpeCts to coin a
a piSUU , m, Bit, i wa. u .ui a uiiu
up as big as my leg !"
j. 111 qui iy, mi. 11 uauu. iu ouu limn
1 j-i r 11 r ii - i ,i;c
splendid field of potatoes so seriously dis -
1 -i ii fTi.
eased, said a sympathizing specator.
"Ah, well, it is a great pity," replied
the former, "but there's some comfort
Jack Thompson's is not a bit bettor."
A Waggish. Prisoner;
A few days ago in Buchauan county,
lowa, a deputy shentt and two bailiffs
the discomfiture of the officers
At a certain point on their journey the
party saw some wild ducks in a pond, and
it was remarked to be a fine shot. The
deputy hauled out his revolver, cocked,
sit-.and was about to shoot when he said,"
"By the by Rorubacher, you are a good
shot with the pistol, ain't you ?" "Of
pniirao " Cfltn f?nrn C(rnl. 4 V.
or twelve steps, then, suddenly wheeling;
around and covering them with the pistol,,
told the deputy aud his aids to get out of
the wagon, and very quickly, as he in
tended to take a ride by himself. Ima-
they begau to crawl down out of the" wa
gon, for the prisoner-witness had their:
only pistol in his possession. Having
got them safely into the road, and mount
ing the buggy himself the facetious pri
soner made the party a speech, aud their
surrendered his advantage, declaring that
he had no wish to use it, whioh ended
A Rochester paper tells this story
"Several weeks since, the ladies of the
household of a prominent citizen, resid
ing near Franklin Square, washed soma
articles of lace; a lady's collar, Lice uudef
slceves, etc., and hung them out to dry.
Upon looking for them they could hot
be found, and great conjecture was exci
ted as to what bad become of them ; and
it was finally concluded, as the most reas
onable solution of the problem, that they
were stolen. A day or two since, au en
terprising youngster of the family climb
ed a tree in the yard to explore the con
tents of a nest that a pair of robbing had
been building there. He found it oc
cupied by a brood of young fledglings,
and - under them he found the missing
lace. The parent birds had seen it, cov
eted and appropriated it as a bed for their
young. One of the articles was so largo
and heavy that it must have required tho
united strength of the pair to convey is
to the site for the nest."
"What did you come here after ?" in
quired Miss Susan Draper of a bachelor'
friend who made her a call wuen the rest
of the family had gone out.
"1 came to borrow some matches, ho
"Matches ! That's a likely story !
Why don't you make a match ? I knotf
what you came for, exclaimed the deligh
ted Miss, as she crowded the bachelor in
to a corner, "you came to kiss and hug
me almost to death, but you shan't do
it unless you are the strongest and the
Lord knows yon are.
A Confederate soldier who had fbugh
fairly and s'quarely throughout the late
war, when he was startled with the intelli
gence of the scrrender of the three armies'
of Lee, J ohnstou and Taylor, "jroke up to'
a "realizing sense" of the stupendouanesa
of the failure. His surprise broke forth
in the exclamation, "D n tho thing, ifc
didu't even flicker, but went right 011V'.
"Come till America, Pat I" writes a sou
of the Emerald Isle, to his friends in Ire
land ; "'tis a fine couutry to get a livin
in. All ye have to do, ia to get a three
cornered box, and fill it wid brichs and
carry it till the top of a four story build
ing, and the man at the top does all tho
That was a wicked boy who, wheri
he was told that the best cure fcT tho
palpitation of the heart was to quit iiaa
ing the girta, said : "If that is the cnljr
remedy for palpitation, let her, palp I"
In New England there are 2,428 estab
lishments for the manufacture of bootg
and shoes, wiith a capital of $10,977,113.
They employ 52,007 male hands, and
A man boasted of having eaten forty
nine hard boiled eggs. "Why did yoa
not eat one more and make fifty ?" asks
Sounds. "Humph, do you want a man
to make a hog of himself just for ona
Of all the specimens of German American
orthography that ever eaw the light, that of
He has "painted him a sign," and
it reads, "TJoshdevele No-drushd." Pwi
tively no trust.
Mr. Van Auken has at Ada and Lyons,-
- pcMnint 0f money Qut of U
A well-known courtesan of St. Louis,'
has just fallen heir to $75,000 left her by
ii: n 1 ar c n i, -t - T .
a relative, Col. May of Brooklyn N. Y.
' ' J , ' 1 . ' , .
1 1 his amount ot money will, nlaster in tha
" i,l,lss"-r 111 WJU
estimation of some people, plaster over the
blotches upon her reputation, and restore
her to respectability. Great is mammoq,'