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TlT71T71T7lT H AITI 4 TT
el JJjJj JJ JljiXolJJLl Ii 13
! l- UP WHIM
Bcuotcrj ta politics, itcratuvc, Agriculture, Science, itloraiity, auo encrat lutellig
PnMisliol by Theodore Schocli.
TVitM Two dollars a year in advance and if not
paid bf r.' tin .-il l ..f tlio year, two dollars and fifty
ctiilx will he ehar-red.
a j- X i !.i.i ir di-ontinnd until all arrearages arc
pail, e'"?it at the option of the Kditnr.
Hit Adv,rtN,nipnt of one square of (ehtht linesi or
!hm. on? or three insertions $1 ."(). Kadi additional in
,ertioii, an re tits. Longer ones in proportion.
OP AM. KIXUS,
Eiecutod in t lie highest styl of the Art, and on the
nio.t reasonable terms.
R. NATHANIEL C. MILLER,
Physician and Surgeon.
03ee and residence: Corner Main and l'ocono Street,
ST RO U 1)3 B l' HG , IA.,
Office hours from 7 to S a. n., 1 to 2 and 7
to S . m.
Oct. '2, ISTC-iC.
SE1VL.L., Ii. U.
S-ond d or h-1-v.v IMrn-tt Ibic. Residence
2n 1 Jir ft of Hi-ksitp tiak'r Church. OlUce
l,.nii s !, 3 a. in., 1 ti :; ji. o to ; p. m.
M.iv -.. i ;;-! f.
It. S. JIILLEK.
Vliy ici;tn a:iI 3:irgcon,
0. , formerly occupied hy Ir. Sc-ip. nr-dd'tHe ith
.!. Mill o:i il .or h.'low h" je't'ersoniau Oilice.
S.-i hour-.. 7 t . y. J to ;5 and 6 to o.
i iv ii, i: t r.
in .T.i. niin;i;r' nw leiiM ir.p, ne a rly opposite
:l l .:r ' itank. i.ls adllllli.-t.led lor r: vlarl i i iv
: rind ' i r
dsn. G,"7"i'.-t f.
pnvsinn', si!i:;:-o axd aitouchklr.
o r, ,
! :i o-; :) in; ill ; nr. n":irlv op-
..!.,-.... n...,5d.i,-c o (v-.ral. Mre.t,
f. , -t
A iiist ,', -J-if
One d'lir ab-ve the ".Stroud-burg
C'jllecti-Mis pro-nptlv made.
October -22, 7A.
R)al Ejtatf and Insurance Aent and
T.tlrt s-'.-irr'ir. and C'hff'r)rinn in
brviciie. (.,'' and ;romD;!i,' attended to.
Azk'ifcltdgm'nt.i taken for oln'r Slatr.
0 5-, ICIslIer's Briek HnilJing, netr the U.K.
k vst .sTitoL'D.snunc;, r..
P. O. V.ix 20.
Se;)t2,nbr-r 2-i, 1S7'5. tf.
WILLIAM S. HEES,
Sarveyor, Conveyancer and
Bi3al Estate Agent.
Farms. Timber Lands ana To?7n Lots
O Ti-e nvarlv oppo-ite Atnerican
21 door blow the Corner .Store.
March 20, ls7:tf.
SURGEON & MECHANICAL DENTIST.
'!'! has ?iN oTi.-i" on Miin "tre t, in t hf ici-ond story
t'r. S. Waitoti's liii. k Iki :l i i i: ir. to'a r!y oojMiitc tlit-
iru-iSiir,' II :is.-. aad tiali-r !. ini-. i f t liai ov ih
t";n yiar-'oii-tan! Jrai ti'-c and th- m..-t rariu-t a:,d
'r.;f.i atti-uli m t- all io,itt.-r ji'-rtainin !'i pM
f"i'in. Mr.il !: is fuliy a "oh? to ..rfr:ii all o.-r;i! ion
in dr-ntal iinc ill tiie inosi careful and ki!lful maii-
p"iial -tt?titi 'ii ven to s:i i n t In- Natural T.:h;
rIi-i. to thr in-rii .11 of Artificial 'Teeth on UoSLr-r.
iA. silver, or rontiiiiioiiH (u:iis, and jicrfcct fOs in a!.
" i n -ii r--d .
M-nt itvom" know tin' t'reat folly and dan'-T of n
trii!' i ii t h dr work to t lv in ex jjcrit -pcrd . or to t 1iom liv
ing at a ditanc. AfirU la, l!74. tf.
d mi J
The u nd -r-ijf ncd licri by aniioiincrs that ho has rc
urued itios at t he old ta nd, ii.-M fl mr to Jliisicr's
lot tj ii ; More, .Main .ti i'ct. Si ioiidl;irr, I'j., sii J i
fully prepared U accuiuuiudatti all in want ;f
BOOTS and SHOES,
innde in th latest tyle and of pond material. IU'j.air-
Ini; pronijitlv altcntcd to. eiive me n call.
J-c. 9, ls7"-'ly.J C. L1AV1S WATKIiS.
GLAZIEPw AND PAINTER,
Nearly opposite Kautz's Blacksmith Shop,
Th? undersigned would respecifully in
form the citizens of Sirotitlsburg" and vicinity
th;it he is now fully prepared to do all kinds
of Paper Hanging, Glaziri"; and Painting,
promntly and at short notice, and that he
will keep constantly on hnnd a fine -tock of
Paper Hangings of all descriptions and ut
low prices. The patronage of the puhlir:
i earnestly solictod. May 16, 1872.
I OB PRINTING, of all kinds neatly ex
O ecuted at this office
F r sale at this OfTicf.
A SNAKE IN THE GRASS.
Come, listen a while to me, my lad,
Come, listen to tne for a sjiell.
Let the terrible drum
For a moment be dumb.
For your uncle is going to tell
A youth that loved liquor too well.
A clever young man was he, my bid.
And with beauty uncommonly blessed,
Ere with brandy and wine
Jle began to decline.
And behaved like a person possessed ;
The temperance plan is the best.
One evening he went to tavern, my lad,
lie went to a tavern one night.
And drinking too much
Hum, brandy and such,
The chap got exceedingly "tight,"
And was quite
What your aunt would entitle a "fright."
The fellow fell into a snooze, my lad,
'Tis a horrible slumber he takes
lie trembles with fear,
And acts very queer;
My eyes! how be shivers and shakes
When he wakes,
And raves about horrid great snakes !
This warning to you and to me, my lad,
A particular caution to all
Though no one can see
The viper but he
To hear the poor lunatic bawl,
"How they crawl
All over the floor and the wail !"
Next morning he took to his bed, my lad,
Ntxt morning lie took to his bed ;
And he never got up
To dine or to ?n;,
Tho.igli properly physicked and bled;
.-Aid I read
i , ,, . ., , ,
j citday the poor fellow was dead.
i lou ve heard of the snake in the grass, mvi
Of the viper concealed in the grass;
I'.ut now you may know,
Man's deadliest foe
Is a Miakc of a iiilTtrent rdass ;
"Tis the viper that lurks in the glass."
NAS3Y ON THE ACTION OF THE JOINT
CoNKKhr.p.iT X Roads, )
(Wtk h is ix Tii v. Statu ok Kkxitckv.) f
i.' i - t I
rr, . j
J . e die is east. Ihe deed is dun. After
the Mioperhooman effurts uv Tilden and
Morrisey to give the j-eoj le a reform rov-
crnuient, a unconstooshucl and partizan
tnooonel litz countid the yoosurper Hayes
into tiie 1 re.-idcne 1 chair, and the Post-
. ' -
( b.ices is to bt-coutinyood in the posheshion
uv the Radikels. We can't helu it Til-
uen can i neip it .Moinsey can t lielp it.
i i . . ' . . . .
nwi iuii i una n. j mien uiu ins oesi ior
purity reJbrm no man livin ever
I made more sacrifices in the interest uv a
j pure government than he did. lie paid
over ;f."U to buy up one elector in
Oregon, and be spent over three millions
in buyin up voters iu tbe (.ther States.
Ef. alter that the idee uv rcfbrni in the
Government failed, bis skirts is clecr. The
country kin go to the dogs, but he is guilt
less. He wr-etd hev spent more money hed
tlier tun any place to spend it in, to adruu
Tbe news uv the i;ckshen uv the Coin
mi.-hn plunged the Corners into despare,
iinni'-jitly. iasconi sed he mite ez well
make an assignment to-wunst and quit for
onless he cood "it sum reddv monev nut
uv the holders uv fedrel posishens, ther
wuz nit ynuse in kcepin his bar open
Coiitinyooal chargin wuz altogether too
heroic ibr him. And the indignashen uv
them cz expeetid federal appintmcnts, wuz
tenible. They didn't say much, but there
wuz that coinpressin uv the lip, thatominus
silence cz they totik their drinks, that meant
more than mere words.
We met to consider the sitj-ooashen, the
nite the uooze leaded us, and stirrcu
sjceehes wuz made by me, and the others.
The followiu resolooshens wuz offered :
Wakkas, The only objick uv the Jint
Commishii wuz to declare lildcn elected,
Wakkas, Ef that wazn't the objick wat
wuz the yoose uv hevin a Jint Commishn
at all, as Ferry cood jist tz easy declare
the cleckshen uv Hayes ez the Jint Coifl
Wakkas, Tbe Jint Commishn ain't jest
exactly wat tbe Dimocrisy expected it wood
be, therefore, be it
ftifohtif, That the ackshen uv Judge
Davis in acceptin a sect in the Senit from
Illiuoy, wich pre vent id jdin from goin onto
the Jint Commi.shn, deserves the repro
basben uv every troo Dimocrat, pervided
Judge Davis wood hev votid first, last, and
all the time, in an unpartizau way, with the
Lhmocratic members cf he had gone onto
the Commishn. Ef he wouldn't hev done
this, it don't make any difference and this
rcsolooshen goes for nothin.
Resolved, That the ackshen uv the
Dimekratic, members uv the Commishu in
stickin like wax to the Dimekratic vcw uv
the case, in an unpartisan way, and uever
under any circumstances volin with the
Radikcl members, meets the demand uv
the Dimocrisy uv the Corners, cz bcin in
the highest dejgree patriotic and proper.
The Dimekratic members, by adherin to
their party cz closely ez they did, deserve
the harty approval uv every Dimekrat in
the land. The Corners scz, "Well dun,
good aud faithful servants," and cf wc kin
rake money etniff for another strucrrle for
reform, we slid say to them, '-(Jo up
Res'dccd, That the acksheti uv the lie
pubhkin meinliers uv the Commi.shn, in
votin every time in akkonlance with the
wishes uv ther party, deserves the severest
reprehenshun uv the people. Ther blind
partisanship ther inabilited to raise their
selves above the level uv llcpublikinism
ther stubborn refbosals to vote with the
Dimocrisy and let Tilden and reform slide
through, shakes our confidence in human
nacher, and makes us tremble for the lie
public. The Corners with one voice pints
the finger uv scorn at them, and withers
ein by dee aiin it hez no longer any confi
dence in ein.
Jtcsocal, That ez the Commishun wuzn't
put up ez the Corners wintid it. and ez its
decision hezont bin wat the Corners wants,
the Corners demands th:jt it to wunst dis
solve, holdin that with liradley onto it, it
was conseeved in sin and brot fourth in
ini.piity, and that it is uuconstitutioobhnel,
anyway, and subversive uv the dearest rites
of the Amerikin people.
licsofiTtl, That cz the decision wuzn't
wat we expectid, we don't consider our
selves bound by it ; and we demand uv our
Representatives iu Congress that they
ignore it altogether, and perceed.to wunst.
to declare Tilden imd Reform electid, and
inogerate him at all hazards.
Jiesnlvtd, That the Col tiers pledges it
self to send to the tented feold, in the sup-
l port uv Cougris, every able-bodied Dime-
krat who will go, pervided the Piniokratic
N. shiu l Con.mitty will send free passes to
Washington and sk-h clothin ez will enable
em to make a decent apperence in society.
Pantaloons and shoes shood come tir.st.
And by this reso'ooshen the Corness .ledges
itself tuifesevedlv to irore.
7V.v -tved, Thr.t hevin exhausted all ef
forts for a peeceble elceksliun uv Tilden
and Reform, we hist our flag, with the
words onto it, "Tilden and Reform or
J!(S'JcaI, That is the solium convickshen
uv the Coiners than any (lovernment not
in the hands uv the Dimocrisy is uncon
stito. hnel, and we refooze to pay any taxes
to support any sich.
'J 1 ese rc-iolooshens wuz agoin to he past
to wunst, ez all resolooshens wich 1 oiler
are, but I red em over twist. "Trends,"
I sed, "this is the sol umist time we ever
had. These resolooshens meen blood
possibly they may take yoo away from your
homes, and set vou all in the front ov the
j battle. Are yoo prepared for this? Pause
j aicre yco vote
tlf5,jt.rs hl th;s lK(Iy waf ?U. sll0CS a(1
j trcusis, and three sep-.are meels a dav, don't
! thev V was the ivsr1(,s, fV,..,. .,!!
"Ui.doubtedly," wuz my answer.
"Then our voices is for war in the roz
uv th .,.m!o...i,o,. " , , :
; ... ,...-.i...v,Tiii u, , ui. mi; U'.'l ,l li till lie
j respon.-e. "Ermll us to-wunst, aud send
i ..n the inr'l. "
I ... I
j 'lher am t a more patriotic people iu the
country than the Cm-nrs
1 1' i .i
w uen me
Corners rises tyrants may well tremble.
The resolooshens wuz past, and the Corners
Uez spoken. We await the ack' sheii uv
Petkoi.lum V. Nasijv,
A Queer Rabbit Habit.
"ome mountaineer ot the J'aeihc coast
tells a an rrauctsco paper a strange story
of a custom of the "(jwassoes' or Rabbit
Indians. It is that of hibernating their
babies. The nariator hal often heard the
- A t. i . .. 1 ! 1-1
siory ijiiL neer oeiievcr it, wtiieli was
creditable to his sense. He went to see
for himslf, and saw it with his eyes which
is rather hard on the eyes, or else discredit
able to bis character lor truth and vera
city. He goes on to say that the Rabit
Indians, at the approach of winter, on ac
count of a scarcity of food, sink their chil
dren in the bottom of the lake on the bor
ders of which they live, and resurrect them
again iu the spring. That they put them
in birch bark "mokocks," like on eggshell,
sealed up air-tight with gum, bury them
beneath the ice for the winter, shake ami
wake them up again iu the spring, and find
all alive and well, except about two per
cent, of deaths not more than would na
turally have occurred had the children been
running around loose. Put be it said to
the credit of this investigation mountaineer,
that lie did not go among the Rabbits in
time to see tbe children sunk in the lake
for the winter, nor did he wait to see them
brought up alive ank kicking in the spring.
He was present at the wedding feast of the
Lady Louisa Na-ga-nup's daughter to one
Royle, a broth of a boy from Gal way. The
marriage feast lasted a week. He saw some
unseated "mokocks" and asked if the story
of putting their children to sleep for the
winter were true. They assured him it
was, and stated that there were three or
lour hundred of their, young people now
uuder the water since November, and the
expected they would almost all to be safe
and well about the middle of May, when
tliey would he able to supply them with
food. This was the evidence, and the
mountaineer came away satisfied that the
Rabbits would not lie about a few little
young ones. Jtside, he saw no children
around, and the solemn word of the In
dians accounted ior their absence. The
medicine men confimed the story of the
custom, but our white doctors may well be
permitted to doubt it, aud excused if they
tlo. Ijoiu's JlrpubKcuti.
A German professor figures that every
man is worth eight women iu a commercial
point of view.
COUNTY, PA., MARCH
THE BLACK HILLS.
now thk r.ovs liv who ari: moGi.vu
MONKV IN S1TTINO IJUI.F.'s lMilOsEUVE.
From the Denver Tribune.
IT. R. Johns, of Greeley, in a letter gives
the following particulars about bis recent
trip to the Rlack Hills country and experi
ence therein : We had but throe pleasant
days from (Jreeley to Custer City, and part
of the time it seemed almost impossible to
keep from freezing. Rut the night we
passed Alkali Springs, nearly two hundred
miles from Cheyenne, was the roughest
we found on the entire trip. It is a bleak,
desulute place on the op, n prairie no wood,
no shelter, and the hills all covered with
snow. We camped here about V, o'clock in
tbe afternoon, and an hour afterward a cold
storm came up from the north, driving the
snow in every direction, sending it in drifts
in the corral we had formed with our wa
gons until it. was ten inches deep on our
beds. The next morning the thermometer
stood 28 degrees below zero, and as the
stage came along the passengers were too
glad to avail themselves of the handful of
lire we had to keep from freezing. Nearly
all of us froze our lingers and ears, whife
George Rai ns froze one of his fejt unite
badly while iu bed, but was not aware of it
until next morning. The next dav the storm
continued until we reached Alum S
when it cleared
up, but was awful cold.
every breath freezing our whiskers. The
snow continued getting deeper until we
reached Custer in many places it, drifted
so badly that we had to shovel our way
through. At Pleasant Valley, nine miles
from Custer, 1 had the misfortune to lose
a horse. He got loose in the night, pulled
a fifty-pound sack of flour out of the wagon,
and at 7 o'clock the next evening he "passed
in his cheeks." We reached' Custer on
the L'Ud of January, in g,.od health and ap
petites that were runhuius to a hotel keep
er. Here we loft our wagons an 1 built us
sleds out of pine, loaded for other parties
for Deadwood, and stored our iroods. We
took L:"il) pounds to :t sled, at four cents
per pound, but would have done better had
we taken 500 instead of 2,j(k, for the roads
We were six days getting to Deadwood.
and our teams looked as though they had
been drawn through a knothole. After
discharging our freight we drove up to the
Buffalo Corral, kept by two Grceleyites.
John Harris and William Lynn, vho are
in good spirits aud (Icing well. About a
mouth ago they bought the place they now
occupy fir $3d0 and they were offered
32,20; for the place, in my presence, a f'W
days ago. The next day was spent in look
ing' around. We went up Deadwood Creek
to Gayviile. South Rend. Central, Golden
Gate and Gold Run, finding the miners all
busy in washing out the dirt they had been
drifting through all winter, and meeting
with good results. Two 'miles of Dead
wood (.'reek is very rich, paying from 3300
to SI, ."300 a day to four men. The balance
of the creek pays good waces, say about
twenty live dollars a day to the man, while
hirewood and Gold Run are some better,
but tbe Placer mines are not the prominent
mines of the country. Some very licit
le Ig'es have lately been discovered, two of
which sold, only l:t.vt week, one for 810.0(H)
and the other' for 8."0:000 cash. Three
months ago the vounir men who sold these
ledges were not worth a dollar in the world,
while a number of sales of less importance
have also been made. The country is com- j
pletely covered with quartz, the ledge
cropping out everywhere
actually worked by mills now in operation,
and three mills more are on the road up to
be erected on Whifewood, and large quan
tities of ore piled waiting for them. The
Uiack Hill contain a population of about
10.000, while 15,000 are concentrated at
Deadwood, and as you stand at the bead of
.'lam street on Sunday and look down
through the principal street, you see a per
fect jam cf men on every side. Sunday is
the great day in the mines, and merchants
and business men look forward to this day
as their harvest. Money is getting plenty,
and but very little cry of bard times, yet
there are a great man' idlers here men
that are cursing the country aud trying to
get away, while others seem to be satisfied
and happy. My opinion is that the Rlack
Hills have not been overrated, but offer
better inducements to men of energy and
perseverance than any other country in the
world, and now is the time to strike them,
for they are yet in their infancy, but, in my
judgment, wiil convince the most credulous
as to their richness the coming: summer.
A correspondent of the New York Her
iild gives a simple receipt for restoring or
rather strengthening the hair, so that it
will grow more rapidly :
Steep a handful of sage in a pint of wa
ter. When cold strain it, adding one tea
spoonful of salt, one gill of bay rum or
other spirits. Rottle and cork closely. If
a very dark shade is desirable put a few
rusty nails into the bottle or into the sage
while it is steeping. This not only pro
motes the growth of the hair, preventing it
from coming out, but restores the color.
My hair was coming out at a fearful rate
after a severe, illness; this compound ar
rested that and restored the color also.
"Ma, what is hush ?" asked a little boy.
"Why, my dear, do you ask?" "Because
I asked sister Jane what math; her new
dress stick out so all around like a hoop,
and she said 'hush.' "
n Iowa boy sued his father, aud got
i ii urn ages
with a skate strap.
In a few days, or weeks at most, the
earth all around us wiii respond to the in
iluenccs of spi ing-time. It will soon be
upon us, for .' ne is relentless, and waits
not upoii man's wishes or desires.
Are we ready lbr the advent of these in
fluences and the activities which are their
concomitants in the cultivation of the soil?
Have the seeds that are to go into the
ground been procured '! Has the proper
care and judgment been exercised in their
selection 't Let it not be forgotten that
upon good seed very much of the profits of
the crop depends. Ry all means let us ob
tain the best seed of the best tested kinds
that cau be had. They may cost some
thing f more than poorer sorts, but it is
economy, nevertheless, to secure them.
M any farmers, in anticipation of the
work soon to commence, have put their
farming implements in complete order,
which will bo required, but there are those
perhaps who have neglected them, or have
nut had time to attend to them. The
sooner it is done now the better ; and if any
new on.-s are to be purchased, select those
best adapted to the purposes lbr which they
are to be Uaed, that have them in readiness.
There are none of us that are exempt from
failings, and one great trouble with many
farmers is the fault of negligence. The
delays, vexutijns and losses 'that occur
from this source are greater than we are
apt to imagine, and the disasters that fol
low are often far more costly than we are
willing to admit. A day or two sometimes
makes a vast dilfercuce in the outcome of a
When we "hitch ou" to the plow our
teams should be iu a conJition to do the
work repaired oi them, and therefore a
generous supply of nutritious, strengthen
ing food is now necessary, with enough,
exercise to enable them to digest aud as
similate it. It does not pay to under-feed
animals uuder any circumstances, and it is
supreme folly to expect a horse that has been
poorly fed to do a reasonable amount of hard
work in the spring. The horse requires
more concentrated food than other live
stock, for more hard work is required of
him, stiil a variety of food is advisable, fbr
his diet may be too heating. The work of
the first month cf spring is especially try
ing upon horses. If they are not well cared
for iu advance, they wiil hardly be able to
stand the work repaired of them.
Hov: Rubber Boots are Made.
The L'lini used is imported directlv from
Africa, South America, cud Central
America, that from Central America be-
iiig the best, while the African gum is the
poorest. The raw gam, which is nearly
white, is ground several times between
immense fluted iron rollers, after which it
passes through the composition room, which
process is a secret, but when it comes out
the gum has the black appearance of com
mon rubber. The next process is that of
passing the rubber between chilled iron
cylinders, of many tons weight, which are
kept very hot and very smooth. A part
of the rubber intended Tor "uppers," is
here spread upon and fastened to long
sheets of cloth. The heels and tups are
stamped out of sheets of gum of the re
quired thickness. The rubber cloth is now
carried to the cutter's room, where it is
cut out and sent to the bootmakers. The
boots are made by men, the shoes or
ordinary rubbers by girls, while the over
shoes are made by cither. One man will
make twelve or fourteen pairs of boots a
day, and receive twenty cents a pair. An
active girl will make from twenty-five to
thirty pairs of rubbers. After the boot-
miker is through they are placed in an
oven, where lor twelve hours they are sub
jected to a temperature of Id0 degrees.
They are then ready for boxing and ship
ping. Li one factory about four thousand
pairs of boots, rubbers, and overshoes are
turned out daily.
Not A Chicken.
At precisely two o'clock by the bells the
other morning a policeman who was walk
ing up Reaubien street caught sight of a
negro who was skulking along a fence, and
he called upon him to stop.
"Ize in a big hurry a big hurry to ketch
tie mawning train for Toledo?" called back
The officer threatened to shoot if he did
not stop, and the skulker halted.
"Does you imagine that I hez dun got a
chicken heah ?" he asked, as the officer ap
proached. "Yes, sir ; that's exactly what I imagine."
"And if I hezen't got a chicken I kin go
right down to de depot, kin I ?"
"I guess you can."
"Well, sah, den ga on dis yerc an' tell
me if de name is chicken !" said the man,
as he pulled a big goose around in front of
The officer went back on his word, and
took the negro uuder arrest, and the vic
tim was yesterday explaining :
"W bar's de use ob trying' to get along
wid dem 'plicemeu ? De best way is to
drop de goose an' make fur de woods."
Detroit Tree Press.
How to Cure Bunions.
A gentleman who "knows all about it,"
and has tried the experiment with entire
success, recommends the following remedy
for bunions and corns from which so many
suffer, daily : Obtain at the druggists five
or six cents worth of saltpetre ; put into a
bottle with sufficient olive oil to nearly dis
solve it ; shake up well and rub the in
llanied parts night and morning, and more
frequently if painful. This is a well tried
AN OLD-FASHIUX':!) SCHOOL DIREC
TOR. Mr. Timothy Search was highly elated
over his election to the vacant chair hi the
school board of his district, and he at once
began to take an interest iu educational af
fairs. He wanted plain teaching-, he said ;
didn't want any high-filutin' learning forced
upon the scholars, and declared that he
would kick the first teacher out of the
school-house who attempted to stuff the
children with the new-fangled noti ins.
new director was startled
when his most promising so told him that
the teacher proposed to introduce algebra
into the school.
"What kind of study is that ?" asked
Mrs. Search. "Timothy. I'll be bound that
it's some outlandish book that the dominie
has writ. My son's braius shan't bj stuffed
"Doesn't the sound ol the nam3 tell vou
what kind of a study it is ?" said Search.
"Why, it's the history of a uew-fan-icd
animal related to the zebra, I suppose.
Eiamed if he shall teach it iu
That very afternoon tbe new school di
rector visited the school for the lirst time.
He was graciously received by the new
teacher, who was listening to a class in
"I understand, Mr. that you want to in
troduce the history of the algebra into the
school?" said Search.
"I had thought of doing so."
"Had thought of it, eh ? Well, let ir go no
further than that. I don't want my children
to know anything about such outlandish
animals. The algebra may run wild in his
native country, but we don't want, him
troubling the children iu our school, that
"Rut Mr. Search, the new study will
assist the scholars in mathematics."
"See here, that's too thin. If I would
read this history of the rhinoeerous, could
I subtract better than I do ? Would the
biograph- of the giraffe enable me to
multiply with more facility ? Now, sir,
answer these questions, and tell me how
the algebra could advance the children iu
"Vou misunderstand me, sir." said the
teacher. "Algebra is not an animal no
more than hydrostatics."
"Hydro thunder!" exclaimed Search.
"I suppose you'd like to introduce acrim
onies into the school. With my onsent
no toiniooiery siiau he fan"- it m this dis-
i ii it.
The algebra is as much an animal
as the gyasticutas is, and if 1 hear another
word about teaching its history to tbe
scholars, I'll be blamed if you can't leave."
Sir, I regret thai we differ. What shall
I teach ?"
"Teach good common sense, sir," tatd
Search ; "teach that this world is flat, as
reason and cur eyesight tells us. We don't
want any round worlds swingin' on nothin'
in this distict, and we don't care if the sun
is ninety-five miles off. Teach the boy that
Andy Johnson was a better me.n than
Columbus, and if I hear that you try to
make them believe that Martin Van Ruren
was elected President honestly, denied if
you can't leave this district. We had a
feller teachin' here once who talked about
Cromwell, Braddock, and a lot of other old
Romans, and I worried the directors till
they turned him off. You needn't teach
the girls anything in particular ; they learn
too fast anyhow. The other teacher filled
their heads full of Cleo somebody, till they
called the boys Antony aud C.vs ir. We
want good, solid, education, if you know
how old Croesus made his monev, tell the
boys, but no stuff of the filthy habits of
aljrebra, or any other wild beast. The show
business is not paying this summer and we
don't want our boys to be Barnum's. and
Pan Rice's. You might tell them how
Ben Franklin caught thunder and liidmiiu'
in a bottle, for that is scientific, but tell
them to keep away from walnut trees iu u
"You've no objections to my teaching a
little hygiene ? '
"I have, sir. No new f.mgled doctrines
in this school, I tell you. No high giene
and no low giene, but if you want to intro
duce Robinson Crusoe into the school, I'll
assist you. But no such studies as algebra
and high giene while I'm director. After
while you'll want to teach that the earth
isn't half as bi as the sun. Darn your
highfulutin' stuil !"
The teacher has a hard row to hoe in
Timothy's district, and he doesn't teach
Thk toilet of a Japanese damsel is a mat
ter of no light consideration, and to be in
good time for the fair she must bs up and
dressing Lug before the sun rises from be
hind the great sacred mountain, Fuji. The
long coarse tresses of raven black hair
must be washed, combed and greased till
the bead shines like a knob of polished
black mable ; the cheeks must be rouged
to the proper tint; the throat, neck and
bosom powdered, carefully leaving, how
ever, on the nape of the neck three lines,
of the original brown skin of the owner
in accordance with the rules of Japanese
cosmetic art ; the eyebrows must Le care
fully rounded and touched with black,
the lips reddened with cherry paste, with
a patch of gilding in the centre.
A little boy came to his mother recently
and said : "Mamma, I should think if '
was made of dust I should get muddy in
side when I drank coffee."
A smart school boy says it takes thirteen
letters to spell cow, aud proves it thus :
"Sec O ! double you."