Newspaper Page Text
: Nf ioentiaL case.
rfraaft-kt 0l mm BMWt CifMl
It has lotg twea a matter of trgu
UjeBt," a&Id the old lawyer, vbo u
a a reminiscent wood, "whether a
lawyer should defend a man that ha
knovs to be rniity. There H an argt
raeat on both atdea, and I do not
pose It "win erer be settled to the aati
tactiou of all.
"A good many year ago I had a caee
that aet me tj chinking, and I baren't
jet determined what my duty wa In
toe matter. At tbat tftne 1 had a
aatell practlae In a little town1n tie
western part of the atate. Cpon my
returs to the town one day. after hav
Ijf Wn away a few dy on a matter
ef business. I was railed npoa to d
fend a worthies! character who had
been arrested for bog- stealing.
"At that time every one kept at least
one bog to be killed In the fall and
alted down for use In oe winter. Or
cT my nersbbora had butchered a beg
a few day before, and the party that
I waa railed npon to defend had been
charged with theft of It.
"The case waa about to ba called
when I arrived, and I asked for a lit
tle time In which to conault with my
client. Tlil was granted, and taking
him to on aide I aald:
-Now. at here, the beat thing that
yon can do ia to make a lea breart
of the affair to me, and then I will
know Jurt where 1 atand. Whatever
yon may confess to me 1 will treat aa
sacredly confidential, and I will do my
best to clear you.'
"1 didn't ateal his bog." protested
"Then where did yon get th car
rass that waa round In your posses
sion T 1 demanded.
- "Krota your back porch, boas.' h
answered with a grin.
"Then I remembered that Just before
going away I had left orders to haTe
rny bog killed, and I could only gasp,
however. I went to work and clrared
tay client of the charge he was nnder
and took tbs carcasa of my own bog
as payment for services rendered, but
I bad hard isork treating what he old
me as sacrvd and confidential." De
troit Free fresa.
Orts-laal Wy la Wnlen mm M. C.
Pleaaea Bis Coaatltaeata.
A noted il. C familiarly known aa
Joe. Is oDe of the thriftiest men In con
gress, and the patronage at hla disposal
Is made to do effective work In bis
home district. Not long ago be re
a,uted of a certain chief In the Inte
rior department an appointment as la
Iwrer for one of his constituent. "w
reqwst was promptly cms piled srKh.
but. Kurt to the surprls of the chief,
as promptly declined. The member was
"What does this mean?" demanded
the offlciaL "The man yon were so
urgent to have named aa a laborer de
cllnea the position."
-Ten. I know." replied the M. C. "1
dvlaed him to."
"Yau advised him to." echoed ths
chief. "What was the matter? I gave
yon exactly what yon asked for.
"Tee." responded Joe. "I have no
fault to And with the appotntmeot.
The case Is like this: My constituents
follow me down to Washington boptug
to BP soft berths In the government
service. There are a fleieti her
now and not plana enough go
around. I secure the appointment far
one. be asks my advice, and I tell hla
to decline; hla job at home la better,
so be goes back satisfies. 1 appoint
another. He declines .t my advice,
but be has been paid, he Is flattered
and content, and so on through ths
Hot. Von see. a man learns a thing or
two after 20 years In Washington, and
I bare learned to make one appoint
ment do for a dozen supporters." Sat
o relay Evening Post.
nMI( tmm tjmAd e.
A workman In Cooper Institute. ha
lng occasion to ascend a ladder to do
some repairing In one of the public
rooms, called to an old man whom he
happened to see standing tr watching
Lira. "Here, old feOow. bold the bidder
for me. won't you 7" The "old fellow"
started forward and held the ladder
for the workman while be cilmbod up
and did his work.
"That unpretentious and willing old
man," ssya The Independent, "waa re
fer Cooper." It waa just like him. Pe
ter Coeper'a aim In life and In the be
neficent Institution rounded by him
might well be characterized by the
words 'holding ths Udder." Thou
sands of rightly ambitions men and
women owe the possibility of their -advancement
to Peter Cooper. He baa
held, and still holds, the '.adder, and
hundreds upon hundreds of successful
and grateful climbers aa they rise blem
his memory. We cannot all bsild such
piles as Cooper Union, but we can hold
ths ladder some here, somehow, for
Oar Ft rat Enptnr,
At the time whea the war with Spain
ad been brought to a ancceesful dom
number of statesmen were dtscnssiag
the future ef the country ever fhatr
elgers to Washlagton.
At last one eatbnsiast exclaimed, ad
dressing himself to the most fn irnV
ttent .member of the group. "Ia my
epinipn we are drifting directly toward
Imperialism, and yen, sir. should be the
"Kot If 1 kaow It." 8rrwled the great
man; "I am net fool enongh so wart
to be the first empesor of a nation ef
auch good shots." Harper's Magaztns.
Pasberly-It cod L:m $1,000,000 to
pot Ms Chicago son-inriaw on his feet.
Flasberly Pear me. tut those CM
eago people have Urge fett. Kansas
A good arory ts told of one ef .she
chiefs of the civil service department
who ha.d two affilefldBs n obfTgtog
and easy doorkeeper and a pertlua
dous efBce seeker, wbe waa a distant
relative of the chief. Sea reefy a week
Iiassed but the hmer called, aad the
former wea moc tee peftte te strut
The chief at test, afer one ef the
emal tMerrlews, -resolved to stand the
traisanee no Ibirger, so. aummnlQg the
doorkeeper when the TtsTtor had de
parted, be said. "X, do yon know
what that man comes after?"
"No. sir." replied the functionary.
"Well. then. I may as well tell yen.
lie wants your place."
The bore waa admitted no mora.
A Waeal Emhi,
T1j gitsfcgt height from which any
ete baa accidentally fallen wttbout re
atrtag any htyory beyond a staking
waa nearly 1,000 feet by an Cast la
iaa living ba the Island ef Oefetn. wb
trH erer a ettff at that height. I Ha fal
wis brshen at the foot of the preetplee
by tBasses ef dense regetatloa. and he
ttaflsd rt ae mors serious rnjaay
tftaa a aevere shaking. The antben
ftrtty ef fMs fall waa vo orbed 'or by
the rsench wrltee. H. d ParvlMe.
" A etaa whe e ui a eocoanot grove
la Teneznela ts tsdependntt. aa the
"eft continues to ripen af! the year
rewd and brings a good price. Each
tut aieiagea. aa anaoal fncome ef
It wa an Irish lawyer who in speak
ing of the death ef a eollesgoe said,
"He left A brilliant future behind him."
oat never reanses bow little be real
ly knows tintn be baa read a page or
two of the dictionary.
tttptoelre teltrss were Erst nsed la
Ja-liS foryhontrag tigers and eNphaats,
breasas Of tke BtAlaTe4.
IL de Manacelne,the Russian psyclio!
oanst, mentions the case of a persou
born without arms or feet who !wajs
dnsamed that he had been mutilated.
Now, It ahould be borne In imind, he
says, that the majority of persons born
without arms or feet always dream
that they possess these extremities. It
la evident, he maintains, that this dif
ference results, la the first Instance,
from weak Impressions hereditarily
transmitted, and In the second Instance
from the strength and precision of
these Impressions. Persons whose
limbs have been amputated are aisbject
to curious delusions while asleep. They
never dream that they are walking on
crushes; quite the contrary, they In
variably dream that they are walking
with tbelr feet, with this difference
only that aa time passes tbelr extrem
ities appear U become shorter and
M. de Manacelne mentions aa a curi
ous fact that this hallucination U very
pronounced when the wound has healed
without comBjilcations; while on the
other hand there U no hallucination
when the procesa of cicatrization baa
been painfuL Moreover, we find the
reason of this difference in the greater
or leaser Intensity of the sensations ex
perienced. Stin. If the dreams of ab
normally formed persona are eharae
terized by certain peculiarities, they
re none the less subjected, as are other
dreams, to the mysterious conditions of
the human ortcnlsm, and, like o flier
dreams, their repercussion on the
wakeful state is identical.
Tke Perms i tke ReMter.
A good rooster story comes tim a
Somerset county correspondent. A cer
tain clergyman, whom we will call
Eev. Mr. Little, gave one of bis parish
ioners a rooster, as a slight token of
esteem. In the family was a bright
4-year-old boy. and be always called
the rooster "Srothtii IJ.'aJe." One morn
ing the little fellow etw the rooster
cemlag toward the house, and ha
shouted. "Grqfkdma. here comes Broth
er Mttle." '
Grandma never stopped to look out
or make any lnqulriea. but etarted
quickly to pick tip and set things to
rights about the room. Tbla done, she
asked the boy. "Wbeie Is Brother Lit
tler "Jnst gon- Into the atable." replied
Grandma thought aba might have
time to change her dress and quitkly
dodged Into another room and In a
very short time appeared attired In ib
otier gown, but somewhat out of
breath. Again she asked the boy If be
had seen Brother Little.
-Yes." said the Innocent cMld: "there
he goes bark to the barn with the rest
ef Qie bens."
Gsndma did not eay a word, but sat
down for a few minutes to rest, and
later she seemed to en'oy the Joke
with her grandson, who looied on won
deringly as though he only partly took
In the situation. liangor Whig and
Br Cketr felalsts.
Roman Catholic and Episcopal
churches have the credit ef providing
the finest and most elaborate music
but the finest music la New Tork Is
U-arJ In the Jewish synagogues. It
U chiefly aung. however, by the best
singers of the Christian churches, who
thriftily "double up" and draw two
aaUries. a good arraiigeiBeut for both
temples and ehnrebea. albeit the
churchy pay double and sometimes
treble the salaries paid by the temples.
The salaries of soloists In the Urger
American cities range from $00 to
$.(00. the Utter sum being paid In a
single Instance. All engagements date
from Hay 1. which Is moving time for
ehurrh stagers aa well aa bonse trior
era. Their church saUries form Hie
basis of the solelaMf Incomes, but
many fees are earned as a resett ef
ehnreh work. Weddings and funerals
yield eule a nnmber. and private re
citals at the home entertainments ef
millionaire church members are
weighted with the golden fruit. There
are also whole orchards ef concerts
and oratorios for those capable of
ahaklng the trees. Euceess.
(tr Be Tu Are
' Is such a thing I
There fa auch a thing aa being alto
gether too clever."
"Ton think so?"
"I know It. I was walklag along the
street yesterday when I noticed a 3
note lying en the pavement. I stooped
to pick H up. but It looked like a coun
terfeit, so I passed on."
"And the note turned out to be a
good one. or course?"
"K It did not. but I was arrested
before I bad gone ten steps farther."
"Arrested? What for?"
"For passing counterfeit money."
"What is In that box yon are so ea re
fill about. If I may ask?" Inquired ths
man who had sec ares' the lower berth
In the sleeper.
"That's a rollectlen of rasa snakes 1
am taking to a museum. They are
toe valuable te be trusted out of my
sight." replied tje man who was pre
paring to ellmb to the upper shelf.
"Say. I'll trade bertha with you."
"AH right. I'm not partienUr where
I aleep." Chicago Tribune.
Tfee SntaM ef Bleaearek.
Hi. eh, mar
"What la It. Geerrler
"If yea bad married somebody else
'aides pa. would I ha' had red hair or
Mark hair?" Indhtaapolia JoaraaL
A man whe has neeer learned to
write bis ewn name ts not so likely to
0?l rate taxable In this wosld as the
ene whe has reamed to write anather
Dea't fee! with a wasp becanss he
baaaens te look weary tad tired yen'n
areliahry ami him an right ia the end.
Ckltweea a tke
"Perhapa what I Utve kvb e? oltllJ
life In tke slums l.a nck- uieu mT
heart the deepest acsrs," writes Vlrs.
BaUlngtea Booth la The Ladles' Home
Journal. "Poor little ecrepa ef ho
manety. sick, puny and eWfonu4 or.
what was evea weese still, vile ad
evH ia word aad dtaposHton Before fane
liy accents bad left their weeds.
The asserts swarmed with them, play
ing, cnarreftirg. fighting aaald Hie Jos
tling crowd Irnd traffic until Ute mte
the night, and tne bonnes were fall ef
little figures that slept on the fioerr
crouched tn the corners to get away
from tbe drenken and brutal who de
light In abusing the weak. In summer
death's angel mowe tbem down
through tbe hot season aa the scythe
em the flowers amid the nay. and It
has ef'en aemed to me that en aacn a
mission ble Mack robes vanish, and be
Is a veritable angel ef light."
Vn la H Ma.
Govt has been produced In bene by a
Fixlau doctor who fed teem with
meat. He gat the hens nothing bnl
fcerseftrsta without fat apd ae mock
water aa they liked. wM OefrfeeaMe
results te tbe enfortunate fowls. V ar
te Instilled tbe disease, be thea un
dertook to drive out tbe nrle seld by
administering eggshell which relieved
the hens to a certain degree.
Ceeellee All tke Otkee Bars.'
Ia there anything In wblA yon ex
celled when you went to achoofr asked-
U lea Cayenne.
."Tea." answered Willie Wlshlngto.
"I made more blunders than any other
boy la the otasa." Washington Star.
A bell aonnding tbe curfew signal to
go borne smacks aa much of rlne rule
as a new married man not btiug ailow-
ea a latoiikey. riilUdelpuia Tiume.
" A DOMESTIC EPISODE.
fka Wife's ArtUtie Deeeratleai ef
tke Littla Drawls. Reeaa.
When he got home that night, abH
confronted him at tbe door, and he
gasped with horror. She waa not
dressed for dinner, and ehe had one
arm In a sling. Both thumbs were
done op In huge bandages. There waa
a towel tied around ber tousled head
and a cut over one of ber eyes. Thi
odor of liniment was heavy on the air.
"For heaven's sake what baa hap
pened?" ha asked.
Without a word she led the way Into
the little drawing room. Over the
cushioned couch oriental draperies bad
been dispersed artistically with spears
and armor, forming a beautiful, coxy
corner. A lamp, burning dimly. Lung
In the center.
"I pat It cp myself today." she said.
"I had grown tired waiting for yon to
do It. and the decorators wanted $00."
He seated himself luxuriously among
"II ow on earth did you manage It
alone?" be asked, with exaggerated ad
mlratloa and wonder, lie knew Juat
bow it waa done. Ue had alv.iys bad
to put It up himself before this.
"Oh. Just a piece of lead pipe, a few
tacks and a paper of pins."' she said
aim ply. yet proudly. "I only fell off
the stepUdder twice."
There were almost tears In his volet
when be spoke. It really touched him
to see her standing there bandaged like
a broken down race horse. Besides
that, no one knew bow be had dreaded
the task of patting It up himself.
"Ah." be said, "when will we men
realize what a priceless treasare we
gain when we win she love of a true
He stretched out hla arma affection
ately toward her. and tbe entire thing
collnpscd abont his head with a crash.
Kate Uastervon In Life.
PUNNY HUMAN NATURE.
A Little Story Tket Ulaatrafas Bmm
ml Ita Peaaller Pkaaea.
Toung men can never tell where to
look for a ally In their love affairs.
A few afternoons ago one of them was
leaving a haoosome residence In tbe
upper part of tbe city. Ue walked un
steadily, be will never be paler, aud V
waa evident that be waa In great trou
ble. Ue scarcely noticed ths brisk ap
proach or the old gentleman who owns
the bouse and the daughter, though
the suitor had ImD diligently dodging
the fajher for nunlha.
"llellol What's this? Sick?" and
the old gentleman firmly planted him
self In the way of the treating lover.
"You're not fit to go our in this storm,
young man. Come Inside. Take a
drop of cordial. What do yon mean,
risking your life like this?"
"Not there, sir." In a faint voice.
"I'll 'never enter that house again.
Tour daughter Just refused tne."
Now the father had told her a seore
of times to "get rid of that chap." but
he is sympathetic and choleric.
"What." pounding the walk with his
cane, "refused you? Jilted you? Put
you In this awful atate? The minx!
She'll hear from me! Look aa though
you were dying, poor fellow! Haw
many times have you asked ber?"
"Only once? Thunderatlon, man.
IH bet I asked ber mother 50.000 times
before she'd have me! It'a In tbe
blood. Come In here. Ko. take a walk
arouitd tbe block and then coiue. The
kiea ef that girl thlnklug that she
knows ber own mind! It's absurd!
Brace up. now. We'll bring her to
Aud It looks as though they would.
The old gt'utU'innn looks sheepish, tbe
girl lei'.hs often without apparent
a use. and the youth calls reguUrly.
Detroit Free Prers.
"Please, sir." asked Tommy or his
teacher, "what Is meant by tbe 'sooth
lng weedT "
"Does your rather smoke. Tom my 7"
asked tbe teadier.
"Tes. sir." answered Tommy.
"And what does be smoke?" asked
"Bncea!" cried Tommy.
. "Tobacco, yon mean. Tommy." cor
rected teacher. "Well tobacco la orten
called the soothing weed.' But ft Is
tolaeeo. Tommy, not 'bacea.' There U
bo sueb word to the dictionary."
"Tea. there is, sir." cried Tommy.
"Ten're mistaken. Tommy, there Is
not," said teacher severely. "But." he
added, with a superior smile, "if yon
ean show me the word "bacea' In an
English dictionary I will let yon home
aa boar earlier than usual"
Tommy seized his dictionary, hastily
turned over tbe leaves and pointed trt
nmphantly to the word "bacca," "a
fruit bavlDg seeds."
Teacher floored and Tommy trium
phant. London Answers.
Selflak Rdwara lit,
King Edward III of England was a
great epicure, but a selfish one. While
he gnrged himself witti a multitude of
eeurses and dUhes, be forbade his
serrann esting meat or fish more than
eaee a day and ordained Is la w that
ene ef his subjects shoulJ.Lave at
dinner or supper more than two courses
aer above three dishes for each conrse.
ftiarlorte Broate Kot Flattere.
An Interesting anecdote of Charlotte
Bronte la recalled by Mrs. Humphry
Ward la her blngraphloal Introduction
to "Vilette." In 1S51 tbe authoress,
having refused repeated Invitations to
London, on the ground that having
done no work she deserved bo treat,
finally consented to pay a short visit
to the family of her friend and pub
lisher. Mr. George Smith.
Thackeray was -at tllis time at the
bttgbt of bin popularity In London, and
Miss BaSme ar-lved la time to hear
bia second lecture on the English hu
morists. When It waa over. Thackeray, who
had recognized the timid little woman
sitting by Mrs. Smith, eame down
from th Rfetfunn. and. shaking hands
tfth lifes Breasi, asked Lar bow she
led it- There are few persons whe
weaid not hava been flattered by eueb
aa attention, but Miss Bronte, on the
contrary, waa almost offended by K.
a4 when ahe Introduces a aiaitta In
cident In "Ytletie" she corauieuia en
the rcstlecsaess and tbe lack of de
airable self control on tbe part of the
A Teste Beetleas.
-Mrs. Hohmboddte John, dear, while
you're down town I wish you'd Just call
end say tb? mnilner $17 the bill la.
bet If yon give her $10
Mr. Ilohmboddie I'd rather settle It
- Mrs. Hobmboddie Well but I want
yon bring me six yards of that love
ly stcr from Mate-hem's IU get you
tbe p-psernand that will take the
efberT. Then I'll jest make a mem
orandtrji or the trimmings, that win be
about $3 more, and If yon love me yoc
know the kind of gloups 1 want. Ton re
bqtrght them often enough. Now, dear
to j, yon won't forget?
Mr. Uokmbovldle No. I'll remember;
an-, by the way. rn t-i- my tonIC
tie along and get K renewed. I've felt
jnrte ran down ef Ute.
Mrs. Ilohniboddie-Ionr tonle? Why.
that eosta $LK! It aecms Just like
throwing money In the stteet te pay
for medicine. Don't yon think you
coo Id get along without it? Judge.
A Sat sttak.
She Are yen superstitious?
He No; 1 think not But whv Am
She I waa rein- to eet tan a iimvl
knife for a birthday nresent. Imt
one told me the gift of anything shaTj
Us-Oh. IU risk It. I'm c
elected by a woman would cut any.
Fat Hit Wasted a tftrrcetioa.
That was a Hoe report you had of
the explosion," puffed the fat man,
who did not know there waa an ele
vator In the building and climbed
three flights of stairs to the editor's of
fice, "a fine repot t. I in est say." And
sarcasm fairly rang In his tones. "Did
you know that It was my furnace that
blew up, that I stand the loss, that but
for me you woulda't bave the Item?
"If you are D. J. Jonee, we did."
"I am D. Jacobus Jones. Ton didn't
tven spell ont my middle name. You'd
think that my wk'e and hired girl were
tbe whole tiling Uie way you wrote It
"The girl waa terribly burned, and
your wife was badly hurt while saving,
the girL Ton don't appear to have had
any band In the matter."
"Didn't, hey? Did yoo notice bow
alowly I aat town when I came hi
here? Did yon bear me stifle a groan?
I'm sore aa a felon from the crown of
my head to the sole of my foot. That's
what I am. Bat there's not s word
"Were yon In the explosion?"
"No. WUh I had been. When I
heard the report, I knew soae ona
must be hurt. I fell down stairs. I
rarr five bloeks for a doctor. When I
got home, I was so exhausted that I
had to retire, and thla morning I had
to roll out of bed on a chair to get up.
It wasn't my fault that the doctor was
out or that an ambulance waa at the
house when I got back. Ton can say
that I showed great presence of mind
and got out and bnmped myself or
atop my paper. Good day!" Detroit
' They Par tke Rest.
"There is." says a traveler, s atock
aaylng which they have at Queens
town. Ireland. It U there the steamers
pick up tbe malls, which can leave
London 12 hours later than the boats
do Liverpool and overtake them there.
Frequently, however, deUya occur, and
then tbe passengers kill time by going
ashore, and the native la always In
wait to sell them shlllalahs and other
things, auch as bog oak Jewelry, canes,
etc.. which are supposedly Indigenous
to and characteristic of Ireland.
"Some of the shlllaUha are wnsier
ful and awful to look upon and bars
no possible place In real life, their only
object being to take In tbe unwary
transatlantic traveler. One I aaw there
had a head fully six Inches In diam
eter, wHh projecting knobs and roots
thickly covering It It was so heavy
that to lift It waa an effort and to car
ry It any distance without using a dray
a physical Impossibility. It was a
murderous looking weapon, and a blow
from It on the head would have done
for any living thing, even a darky from
"'Why,' I ashed In my surprise,
what on earth do yon use this for?"
" That T he rejoined. 'Arrah, that's
what we ,pay tbe rint with.'
"I've got It yet" New Tork Trib
"Watt until I have washed off the
postage stamp on this envelope, spoiled
in the addressing," said a man.
"It la not necessary to do that as Is
commonly supposed," said a Uwyer.
"You may take your scissors and cut
out the adhesive (npt the Impressed)
stamp and stick It fast to your new en
velope with mucilage notwithstanding
the adhering piece of the old envelope.
"It does not look nice and may be
come detached In the mail bnt If the
stamp Is a genuine, nnused. adhesive
stamp It Is not questioned. The gov
ernmect when It sells an adhesive 2
cent stamp undertakes ror such consid
eration to transport and deliver to des
tination the letter to which it la affixed.
The fact that it has a piece of an en
velope to which it was formerly at
tached, but not nsed or deposited for
mailing, does not relieve the govern
ment to execute rts part of the con
tract when the letter Is deposited for
mailing, tbe stamp being otherwise
"An Impressed stamp, however, cut
from an envelope la defective and In
valid for postage purposes. It Is as
tonishing how many of these are used,
some people apparently being unable
or too Ignorant to discriminate between
adhesive and Impressed stamps."
A Ra4ld Obaerver.
Here is a story with a moral: A
eonntryman had Just returned from a
Journey to Paris. One or his cronies
ftfked him what opinion he had formed
ef the Parisians.
"Delightful people." he replied, "but
frivolous, changeable and r (together
Incapable of forming an. attachment
of any duration."
"How iong were yon there?" asked
"Three days." Chicago News.
P. T. Barnum's propensity for pirati
cal Joking begin early to assert Itself.
Once a man was on trial to a local
court for a small misdemeanor. Learn
ing that be had no money to hire a Uw
yer, Barnum offered to conduct hla de
fense. With great solemnity he made
a lengthy plea In which he virtually
aeensed his client of being guilty of
half the Crimea on the calendar, end
lag with a recommendation to the mer
ry of tbe court on the ground of jp
The man. though escaping with a
merely nominal sentence, was furious
at the trick that had been played on
him. He was finally appeased by Bar
num's explanation that he bad pre
pared a defense for two different cli
ents and had In Ms case delivered the
wrong plea. Maltland Leroy Osborne
la National Magazine.
A yetmg clerk received Instructions
from tbe proprietor of a produce bouse
to Front etrcrt some days ago to put
into a case of eggs a card marked
Tbe proprietor thought no more about
tbe matter until Uter In the day. when
ke waa soiled to tbe phone by the pur
latxer. "I don't want these gs." be said.
"Whet Is the matter with them?"
asked the proprietor.
Tbey are marked "Quarantined' and
are too euggestlre of disease."
It developed Liter that tbe clerk bad
wriea "Quarantined" Instead cf
"Guaranteed." Memphis Scimitar.
A lKbkorke4 Htaofbt.
Tester?n.v I wet George as I got on
the car and I said. 'Hello. George.
Iiow're yoo getting on? Then be aald.
I alo't Betting on. I'to getting off.' "
"Today I wet him at I was getting
aff the ear and I said. He!!o. George,
new're yon getting onT Then he said.
I alnt getting on at all I'm pnttliig
aiy mother-in-iaw on.' " Chleago Ree
srC tare's Uraiea.
A careful survey of the underground
water courses la the carboniferous
Rmesteae district of Yorkshire, Eag
Und. has revealed the fact that there
exists In that eounrry an extensive sys
tem of subterranean streams, many of
which Issue miles away from the points
ailed "sinks." where the water
(rained from tbe surface enfura the
reeks. SlmlUr phenomena In ether
parta ef tbe world, not yet so. care
fully Investigated, occur en a much
Urger wme, and recent etodlee of the
eeean liottom near the border of con
tinents have shown that rivers of con
siderable size sometimes enter tbe sea
beneath the surface.
Rla Fotat ef Tlew.
he A married con Die shonld nntl la.
get her like a team of horses.
He-os. and they probably would If.
like a ream or horses, they had bnt one
tonjtie lietween tLeTn.-Cb.ica go Keaa,
' THE THINNEST OF MEN."
Claatfe Seerat Might Bt Bw Wf
tafcea Fr a. Blela-
Instances of remarkably thin men
are not uncommoa, but Claude Am
Ln5f Scurat who waa exhibited In
1823. waa such an extraordinary pcr
Ku.ie that no fewer than liOOOO per
ious visited blm to a few wveks. Seu
rat waa bora in 17S7 and was there
fore 33 years of age when he made hi
As Hey Cooper, the faiaoaa physician,
was among the throng who poured
Into the bullCag to which Seurat re
Teived those who were anxious to see
him. and in writing of him be said:
"Seurat Is without doubt the most
uysterious being 1 have encountered.
UU face U that of an ordinary man.
somewhat emacUted perhaps, bat not
remarkably so. Uia eyea are bright
and his voice Is pleasing. Seen In the
ordinary costume of the day. be In no
way differs from the average foreigner,
but atripped of hla padded clothiug be
presents an astounding spectacle.
"Uis arma are mere bones, covered
by parchmentlike skin and muscle, and
fieih he appears to have none. He U
toe re fore scarcely able to nie'e hla
arma and legs, and walka. though
without apparent effort with extreme
difflculty. On measuring him and
weighing him I found that his chest
measurement was 304 Inches, which
Is fair; that his weight was not more
than 43 pounds, tbe bones being much
smaller than those of an ordinary man
of his stature, who mlgaj weigh 150
rounds. In -appearance. Indeed, he so
fluch resembled a skeleton that a
shortsighted person might easily mis
take him for one."
Feu rat's rood consisted of two or
three ounces of bread and tpeat dally,
and sometimes he took a little wine.
He was reniarkaMy Intelligent and
well read and picked np English rapid
ly. On arriving at places where he
waa not known be was accustomed to
walk out la hl paddsC clothes and
did not attract any partlcuUr atten
tion. He sa!! that until the age of 10
years he resembled any ordinary boy.
but that be suddenly wasted away.
He died to 1S49. aged 12 years. Chlca
NEWS TRAVELS FAST.
Tke Mraterlaaa War I" Wale It
Spreads Tkroagk aa Aadleaee.
"Yoo cannot keep news, especially
war news, out of any public building,
be It theater, concert room or lecture
hall to matter bow deeply engrossing
the entertainment may be. and from
one man. who perhaps knows only one
soul In the place, coming In with the
news of a statesman's death, of a great
victory, or what not the whole audi
ence of a couple of thousand people
V7I11 know tbe news In fire mlnntes."
The gentleman who thus spoke Is one
of the most experienced theatrical man
agers to the world, and be went on: "I
could gfcre yon some most striking In
stances 'from my own experience of
what I say. I have seen a big ffudlence
convulsed with UugTrter at 0 o'clock,
say. but through a bare whisper or a
great outside calamity that circulated
through the bouse with almost the ra
pidly or telegraphy, that same audi
ence has been restless, universally
grave or race and absolutely Inatten
tive to the very culminating point or
fun on the stage. And the singular
tblug Is that actors who have never
left the stage have, through tbe me
dium of whispers im tbe band or
from tbe stalls, known all that tbe
eVirlual messenger of evil had to telL
"The late Be v. C. n. Spurgeon once
told me that be had known this same
thing precisely to occur during the
course of a religious service, and when
a vast congregation were on their
knees. IIp gave me the time and place
and explained how. from the whisper
or a doorkeeper, a kneeling concourse
ef thousands knew tbe whole story of
a national crisis In an Incredibly short
time." London Tlt-Blts.
Think Tkey Nee Edlttaa;.
The blue pencil apparently did not
exist In olden times. We hare read
&a pagea ef Marcus Aorcllus at a
stretch without understanding a word
of It Epictetus Is equally hard to
read. Marcos Aurcllus and Epictetus
are philosophers without doubt but
they have a style that gives you a
headache. Both need editing. The
man with the blue pencil should get
after Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus.
Emerson'a books also clamor for the
Blue pencIL 'Carlyle Is another clumsy
writer greatly In need of the blue pen
cil of a good editor. A wise saylug Is
not a matter of faith. Unless you can
see It and understand It It ia not a wise
saying. Atchison Globe.
A "befo de wah" matron was teach
lng one or the little darkles on her
plantation "how to spell The primer
she used was a pictorial one. and over
each word was Its accompanying pie
ture, and Polly glibly spelled "o x. ox."
and "b-o-x. box," etc.
But tbe teacher tflought that she
was making too rapid progress, so she
put ber band over the picture and said.
'Polly, what docs o-x spell?"
"Ox." answered Polly nimbly.
"Ilow do you know that It spells ox.
"Seed his tall" replied the opt Tolly.
San Francisco Argonaut
Tke Defter Way.
"You ought to be ashamed or yocr
aeir." said Jones to bis neighbor, who
was an aged millionaire. "Here you
are a man of wealth and position, and
yet you put out your ash barrel every
morning with your own bands to save
a few miserable pennies!"
"1 guess you're right neighbor." re
plied the miserly old fellow. "Now
tlrat-you have rpoken of It I 'tin see
that It fe hardly tbe thing for a mnn in
my position to Hereafter Ml have
my wife do It." Chicago Newa.
If your baby -is delicate
and sickly and its food does
not nourish it, put fifteen
or twenty drops of Scott's
Emulsion in its bottle three
or four times a day and you
will see a marked change.
We have had abundant
proof that they will thrive
on this emulsion when other
food fails to nourish them.
It is the'same with larger
children that arc delicate.
Scott's Emulsion seems to be
the element lacking in their I
food. Do not fail to try it il
your children do not thrive.
It is as useful for them ia
summer as in winter.
A si jrr dclr if ikil is not true.
SCOTT A BOWSE. Chuusa. Kw York
Undertaker and Embalmer.
A GOOD HEARSE,
sod verythlnt partaJntnc to ranermit faro- j
Afcelable Preoatationfor As
Lng the Stomaas aouwweia
ness are! Rest.Contains neither
OpiumlQrphine nor Mineral.
Aperfect Remedy for Conslipa
Tion. Sour Stomach.Diarrhoea
Worms .Convulsions .Feverish
ness and Loss or Sleep.
Facsimile Signature of
exact copy or wrapper. J JjPflH iP ill i li tt
The Smith Premier Typewriter
BEST VALUE VRITTNG MACHINE.
Easy Touch. . t . .
;afO TtKOMoan or rrm. ammXf Avr
Za vI )J
The Smith Premier Typewriter Company,
ROBERT S. SCULL, AGENT, SOMERSET. PA.
if WFBSTERTS I
A Dictionary cJ ENGLISH,
Biography, Geography, Fiction, c
i A i
That better investment could L made than in a copy of tbe
International T Thii royal quarto volume is a vast storehouse of
valuable information arranged in a convenient form for hand, eye,
and mind. It is more widely used as standard c-'.'ot'.:j than any
other dictionary in the Trorld, It should bo in every Lousehold.
Aim TTehstir's Cottrgiate Dictionary with a Scottish
Glossary, etc. First clue in quality, sccoud duss ia siai-"
Performed Too Well.
The man whom 1 shall marry." said
the proud beauty, "must perform thru
"Name the first." snld the lover.
"Go and umpire a ball game."
lie bowed and departed.
After two mouths be rvturned. hay
ing been discharged from tbe hospital
"Name the second task." he said.
"Go and act as Judge of the Asbury
Park baby show."
Again bo depot ted.
In a week be presented himself
"1 owe my life to the Jersey police."
be said. "Name tbe third task."
"Attend a tcetlng of a bicycle club
and state which. In your opinion. Is the
best wake of wheel."
He went and he returned.
"Dearest." he said. "1 am still In the
rlffR. At last you will be mine!"
"1 have changed ray irrtnd." said the
maiden. "In tbe first place. 1 conld not
marry a man of your preseut porsounl
appears see. In the second place. I
ahould be afraid to marry a man with
auch a record for pugnacity. Forgive
After thinking the matter over he
forgave ber. lie thought be might ns
well do so.
And so they were not married.
A Spelllas Cemprtllloa.
The ther day Joues said to Brrivn.
"I'll bet you anything you like you
ean't spell three simple words I'll give
you within 20 seconds."
Til go you. What are IheyT" said
"Well, ben? goes." Jones wtld as be
pulled out bis watch, "ltelleve."
"K-e-e-l-r-e." again Brown spelled.
"Wrongr said Jom,
"WbarT exclaimed Brown in sur
prised tones. "I've spelled the two
words you gave me correctly. I'm
Tlxne'a upr Jones said triumphant
ly. "Why didn't you spell the third
AdTBtasrs of tannin.
"Not oh Is' la It healthy to yawn."
aays a French physician. "Hut artlnVkil
yawning should be resorted to In cases
of sore throat, buzzing of the ears, ca
tarrh and like trouble." It Is Kald to
be as effl-aclous In hs way as gnrgllnt;
the throat, with which process It
Should lie combined.
Eay and pleaanl
lo iiho. Conuins nc'
It ia onii-klv ab
anrtd. Gives relit I
It opena and
COLO N HEAD
Cleansea ths Natal Pas-..-. AlUys In
flainiuation. Ileala anrl PnJwIt Hi. msm.
brsii. Kextore the Senses ol Tte and
Small. Lsree Sire. 50 cents st Drug? s;
or mail; Trixl nize. 10 rents by mail.
ELY BROTHERS. 5i WarrenStreet,
To Ella Conghenoor. of CnnnelMvllIc, Pa
and l"taart- shultx, mtdnce unknown.
Yon re hereby no:! fll that In pnrmanre
or a writ of pari I lion lwnl out of the Or
phann' t'oort of (Somerset County, IV, I will
bold an Inqiiw' on Ute premt on the real
e.ta of bndwick Hrrw.k. drrejied, !ui ite
In Knlrhope fownh-p, SomrH County. 1'h ,
on Kridy, th 11th diy of Mar, I'.no, whn
and where you in attend if you think
fberUT. Offloe. J. B. BAYLOR.
Mrch 14. lWa bhAtiir.
II II El ' li i)l
& i y mm
For Infanta and Children.
The Kind You Have
Art Catalogue Free.
SOMERSET MARKET REPORT
Cook & Beerits,
Wcdnctday Fib. 28th.
AtihImJ ilriml 9t
1 YKDORltcd t
Apple Buttrr. per a.
Batter. freb.'kej, per l
l crvamery, per
tseeswsz per n
.country ham, per i , in to i
c. 1 urcureii nm, per s 12-14
1 shoulder, per t . . .in to He
n f whtte navy, per bus $L0u to j'iii
Beana. Ulna p,r g, ,(lc
rofTee. 1 gren P"r . IV-
ionee. j rn,,., p.r i . 10 to l-V
(v-,.. I Cumberland, per bbl ! no to l.M
cement j portImn(lt pr hbl. fcL50 to 4.nr
Cornmotl, per It .. IWcj
Eitga. per do . y
Honey, white clover.per J
Lard, per lb 7 to lOr
1.1 me. per hbl ...l.im
, R ... V
I onions, per u.. m to 7
! PouUe. per bus 1 to
i rVHChee. evaporated, per h to lie
iruiK. 11 r kj J1 U HT
. T., per btl fi.2i
Httsburr, per bhl .
Dairv, bun sck . i
" " " V
rround alum. InO t imekHSIlSl. V
"-)'". v , . . 1 vo;i'
Imported yellow, per t V
white. A., per lb V.-Xlc
rranulated, per t -'.e
Cu1)e or pulverised, per m . 10
per ml 3.ic
ntHDle. tMr 1 M tn. iL
Stoneware, rallon " se
Tallow, per t to Se
lnegar. per ei j 30 to c
unootoy, per oo. . f I V)
clover, per bus $50 to 00
" erlmwin, per bm
" alfMlta, per bus
M .nb. u- 1
I barley, white beanlletet, per bus 1 V
I buckwheat, per rum .4ie
Grain I corn t helled, per bua ts to W
ijs r r , k t . 'e
rye, prbu.- .vie
wheat, per ba.. foe
bran, per lotf Im Se
corn and oau chop, pr 100 aWL. 8.V
floor, roller prorem.per bbi. ..)
uprlnj patent and tkeer
i CONDENSED TIME TABLES.
Baltimore nd Ohio Railroad.
Somerset and Cambria Branch
Johnstown Mall Kipiwu.-Rock wood 11 a.
m.. Sonteret Iitt7, StOTestwo li33. Hoov-
emvlile 11 -tj, Jobontown 1:: p. m. '
Joheatowa Aecommodntlon. Rtrk weod 4 40
p. to., mitin-net li Stoyestow n o:3L Uoov-
envll6:4i Johntown d-30.
Mull Johnxtown 8:3a.m.,HooversTil1eflt
Htoveatown Homeret ust Hoc k wood
Exprees.-Johni.towB vgo p. Roovern t1
i::tX Htoynatown 447. Somerset fclf. Hock
.. r. d. t;NDERwior.
D.B.MARTIN e,u Maoser.
Pamenf er Traffic llanacer.
TIH ITANDiRD TIBIi
l?l EFFECT NOV. 19. I8S9
Train arrive and depart from the station at
Johu.iowu aa follow:
Hon th western Exprms
lfihr,fnn & ww. ... .i . t
' " "v""mJi-tn f AOJ
. in,- r. j.rrmm , TJ)
Plttabari Emr . ""rn
Kt Line ' '. " !
Johnstown Accommodation f
Vanted fin Idea
" t B-ti,
1 Z i) to
ai JlAL jt Lmmt ku' .'.. I . , . e
g Snyder's PharmacB
It resuires a good selected stock and a neatly arran
room to do a briA business.
WE HAVE BOTH OF THEM.
Pure Drugs IT-.iCt'rJ
Lr fresh and goodjcondiu'on. In the waj of 1
Optical Goods 1ZT.
Trusses Fitted. All of the best and most approved T-
kept ia stock. Satisfaction guaranteed.
This Model Drug Store ia rapidly becoming a great faturitc
Teople in Search of
FRESH AND PURE DRUG
MEDICINES. DYE STUFFS, SUPPORTER
SPONGES. TRUSSES TOILET ARTI
CLES, PERFUMES. ETC.
TBi Doeroa sites raaacnAl. attkhtio toth coarorsoiiieor
LoiBr's PrescriBtionslFamily Eedci
IIUT CAKB BSIHS TAKES TO CB OSI.T rKSSB 1KB rrEI AITICIBt
And a Full Line of Optical Goods alwayB on hand. Fnn
large assortment all can be euitci
Always on band it is always a jlcasure to di.-plny oi;r good?
tending purchasers, whether they buy from us or el-okre.
MAIN STREET .... SOMERSET. ft
ItAKOVACTUSn 1XD DKAIAB AKD WlOUUU ARB ErTAILUOT
Lumber and Building Materials.
HARD AND SOFT WOOD
flair Panla. Hlitlnov. llCAt. 13H1
ITailnnt. Tll Pina. FIorln. Sah. At&lM
Cberrr. Mhinzlen. DMra, Balatr. Cbttai
Ith. U hltePlne Blinds, Kewel Poste, Etc
A funeral Una of all tradea of Lumber and Building atertal and Roor.of t
atock. Alao, (B furnUb anything In tba Un of our bmlnea t! ort wiu
bl promptaeaa, uch;aa BrackeU, odd-alse(i;workJetc.
OHce and Yard Opposite 8. C. E R. KUtlB,
Tn-wekly A DAILY Weekly, .if.
A new and ipitrkallr attprtiv pnb
limtion, pnfiily illiiMrxlt-rl mith por
trai'a aixl baitunt; rontxino all lh
rtrikl(r nwa fatiir oftba laily Trt
htine. Spwlal War Topatchx. linmfv
tic and Knrpign Orfprnil-no, Short
Sfri. Iliimnroiio Illutra'inn, Inrlnx
trial Information, Fashion X"t. Aeri
cultural matters oarefnllr treatfd, and
lomprwiraum anil ritual a nnancial Wiin
and Market Roporl'. It Ih mailtnl ata.ma Kanhion Article for tM "
hour a the iil v e1it!ti. reo hea a )are ,,, .. . 01J J '
and each edition t a th"mnehlT np-to- jt Tbe Peopl" PP'"
"i" uauj intuiij uowfpRpr lor ouay
IWuIar atitMcriptioa price
S1.50 per year.
We furnwh it with tbe UERALD for
S3 50 tier vear.
Send all Orders to the HERALD, Somerset
IT -VCIIL PAY
TO BUT TOOK
WiVI. F. SHAFFER,
M anolaeturer of and Dealer In
Eaatern Work rurolh4 on Bhort Kotle
mm m m m
Alao, Agent tor tba WHITE BRONZE !
Persona In need of Monument Work wn
flDd It to their Interna to call at my ahow
Tftlf.f ProPrhon will be alven them
HaUkbeuon cua ran teed !n every eae. a
rricee very low. I InTlu ipeclal attnUuc to
WhH Brz. Or farm Una MonumerU.
produced by Rer.W. A. Plnr. a a decided
f2JfITT'.7i"11 '" ,he ?,Dl f 'trrlal?!l
----- - .n:ro in o-fi:ni 10 c ire
H?S. , ,,uom", lor cur ebanxeable cli
we are sure to have it. Yoo arc always sure of getting tttbf
Call and have yourejes teiC'l
JOHN N. SNYDER,
Dnv?!?ist. - SOMERSET, J4
TBE FIEEST BBASDS 0? CIC-Mj
J. M. LOU7HER D.
whooe reaJers have r
best element of our
II all import!
tion and World, the
.... .!.! Tnfor
Scientific nd Metnan..-
Regular aubscription p".
$1.00 per year-
We furnish with the HEW18
$2 00 per year.
-iff f Ji5ai
I Wm. F. Shaffer.