w c
c THE r jfl WASHINGTON TIMES 4 SUNDAY FEBRUARy J Y 12 1 1900 190 S
= = 1 l
1 r I
HE < SClPIlD ilAHN4ToN
I
Be fore fo re Makin g His Debut Urno g Violates Viola s
th ti Smoke La Lav Lav W v in ifl the En jo joym yment nt of f
Fa a Cigarette Made in a Won
5
derful Way Wa y v
Then > He Doris Evenin g Clothes etftiffititi and With
Major MajorMcCawley McCawle y for Guide Sallies S Sallies Hi s
Forth Into the Realm Reallnbf of
Mixed Precedences
RNOG RN9G GRIMDUNALi GRIlIDUNALB B the twen
U I 1 I tyfive foot giant from Brob I
j dingnag was so much impressed d
by the things he saw and heard
in In Congress last week that th t he announced
his intention inten tion of t rerra ref refraining rainingr ining from further I I11is
sightseeing foi fo a short time in the ef ¬
fort to secure e uremuehneeded ure muchneeded rest
Accordingly he spent the early part of
the week sleeping and lounging about
in the quarters that The Times secured
for him reading Shtkespeare Sha kespeares s plays
and andseemed seemed perfectly happy happyuntil until the
supply of cigars which he had brought
with him gave out out The reporter de
tailed to the Personally Conducted Tour
woa informed by b his charge that more
cigars were badly needed
I sometimes wish you were not so
large observed the reporter sadl sadly
How in the name name of all that is per ¬
plexing lexing do d you suppose I lam am to secure
you a c cigar igar that would w ld be onetwothree
with those alltobaccobaseballbats you
have been dallying with
Cant you get somebody son cbody to make me
a few inquired Urnog anxiously anxlou
Ah said the reporter after af er a mo ¬
ments reflection u uthat that gives me a new new
idea Just one tnil1ute minute please i
iir t4 t z
Up a Rope Ladder La aer
ie hurried do out ri of o of f the he building and
after a five ii e minutes absence abs nce returned
with a large bundle With Withgr great at ease ase
he climbed a rope ladder that thatled led to
the surface surlace of o the table specially s spetia1l Peci lly pre ¬
pared for the giants meals mM is and spread sp read
the contents co rtents of the bundle before Ur lIr
nogs astonished astonI 1ed eyes There lh r was a
thick pile of copy COP paper r jeach achsheet ach sheet
of which was about a afoot foot 7vid wide vide and a
foot and a half long In addition hdt3ition d itIon to
this there were six st dozen do en f bags ba gs of f to o
fc bcco cco
Spreading Snredingonoiheetout Spre Ading ono sheet out on the table
he emptied the contents c ontentsof of five bags
thereon L h e reo n and a nd di5tr distributing ibuting he heto tdbaqcQ tobacco ba co cooyer
over the surface he rolled the pa paper per l
up in thef th tlform f form orsn of a section of a r gas
pipe IIJ > and moistening moist nipg one edge of it I
with a handful of water Vater from the the1arg large
pail used by Urnog as a drinking drinkipgves ves ye ¬
sel he heS1cceeded succeeded in causing itl i1to iC to ad ¬
here With a triumphant look he hand ¬
ed the fruit of his labor to the Brob
dlngnagJan dingna gtan
What Whatdo do you call this inquired Ur
upg nogcurlouly curiously
I should refuse to call ill It admitted
the reporter candidly
I suppose it is too big to be termed terme2 terxne a
coffin tack You might designate desi1 desi1ate ate it a
dope club In technical language it
would pass as a cigarette c Wachme Watch me
So saying ying he produced a normal normalciga ciga ¬
rette rctteand and lit it The giant watched him
attentively and was soon puffins vigor ¬
ously on his new smoke law violation yiola tion
Blowing a ring at the reporter as large
as the driving wheel wheel of a locomotie he
Inquired
Hows this
Simply immense conceded the rer rc
porter Theyll become Uec me popular with
you ou in time But let us talk business
p How is the dress suit coming on
yt I y C
Like a Snowstorm
They are working overtime on it
chuckled Urnog They borrowed borrowcda a
ladder from the lire department to tomeas meas ¬
ure me and have hav < promised to deliver the
goods today What have you done
about about the rest of my costume
It will be delivered this afternoon
said aIU the reporter The dress > shirt Is
the biggest thing of its kind I IeVersa Iever ever eVersa saw
It Is five feet ten inches across acrossthe the
bosom Your first first venture forth on the
streets will give the spectators the im ¬
pression that someone is pushing a snow ¬
storm up the avenue about fifteen feet
from the ground
And the shirt studs
That u problem nearly drove me crazy craz
observed the reporter with considerable
feeling However I have solved soledIt jt t A
friend of mine conducts an establish
meat across the street which is decorat ¬
ed In front ront with three large golden
balls I have haebonowed borrowed them for this
special occasion and they are now being
polished and fitted to fasteners
Well We V v ll that settles the question of my
wearing apparel said Urnog as he
picked up a fresh piece of copy paper p per
and plunge d into the mysteries m mysteriesof 5tcries of cia ¬
rette manufacture But what have havcwe we
on for tonight
There Is a reception at the White
Eouse In honor of the Senate and House
or 0 Representatives s I have hayesecured secured j IlU u
an invitation
That being the case ca5 cas t tsaid said Urnog I
will drift down to the Potomac < tomac break
up about a a quarter of f an acre of ice
and Indulge in a Turkish bath You had
better stay behind as I might lose you
under the water
i f its
Prepared for Debut
At 7 oclock to the th minu n minu3 inu te UrMOR Urpo was t
pronounced finished by the reporter a and hfl
Iris helper His appearance was very
much Improved by b bthe the evening clothes
and his hair was spmewhat brushed d
Youll do do dosaid said the reporter with a
last admiring admiringlookElevate look Elevate me rn to the t e
howdah and well wc ll get off In a bunchV bu nch
Will the social l laides aides stand for this
combination inquired Urnog
s Ive fixed fixe d that th t said the reporter
e After earnest and painstaking efforts e 1
have cave secure d the assistance ai hitanceO of the one
man in Wa VaJhington Va shington hington who can success 81CCCSS
fully steer you through society J JCome Come
on and be b prepared to tumble to the th
hunches I Is 1 give ivc you OU from time t me to time
The usual crowd was assembled as the
giant and his guide sallied forth torth to the
street A tremendous cheer went up
C d
from the mob occasioned occasionedno no doubt dou bt by
the fine appearance of the Brobdingna
gian In evening clothes He seemed
somewhat bashful and observed obser ed that he
was afraid his modesty would handicap
him during du ring the early moments of his
debut After a short walk Walk the Metro ¬
politan Club was reached reach d
jl
A Social Guide
You are about to meet one of the
most ce celebrated lebrated men in public pubUcIife life that
Washington ashington can an boast said the report ¬
er
I thought I had met all of f the theceleb celebr l
ties at the Capitol commented comme ted Urnog
Who is this Great Mogul
Maj faj Charles L McCawley 1fcCawleyof of the
United States Marine Corps replied
the thereDorter reporter The Arbiter of Elegance
and Commanderinchief ef of the White
House forces Also lso the leader of o t the
Cotillons Cotmo s given by b the members of
Washingtons most exclusive and ultra
fashionable social socialllfe life He He
Never mind the rest said ald Urnog
hastily He wins Give me to know
this great gr at man manas as your little lI tle Willie Vllll
Shakespeare was wont to say
Assume your most deferential man ¬
ner cautioned the reporter That is
the major standing Just Inside the door l or
Urnog deposited the thcr reporter porter on the
ground and leaning upon his club gazed
Intently lntentl at a the man m an below belQw him Major
McCawIey Mc awley advanced three steps and
bowed gracefully gr cefulI >
I am charmed cha rmed to meet meetou you he said
I understand un erstand that I Iamto am to have the
great pleasure of introducing you to
ourocd our good people of Washington Of
course CQurs I am delighted and all that sort
of oftbing thing Where shall 3 3I I take takeyo yon on first first u
One moment interrupted int cf cfupted upted the report ¬
er ct cu You will Ill excuse excusemc me will you not no
major while I speak privately to our ur
distinguished dIstinguisheafriend friend
Whyv 1Vhof 1Vhofcours Thy of ofcourse course cours sa id idthe the ma jor jors s tep
pingback the three steps
af 4Q
1 v His Hisv HisEinai fIisF v Einai nal Instructions
Get that human derrick derrlckinto into action
requested req ested the reporter 00 I want to talk
to toou you at short range rangen n
tJrnag laughed d doncofhls one oncofhls of his elevated
Fourth < rf fJulycelebrations f July celebrations and stoop ¬
ing down own picked the reporter from the
ground and an deposited him on the should ¬
er r to which he was accustome d
Now lend me your ear said the
newspaper racrobat acrobat catching the giants
auricular appendage with wlthi a firm grasp grasp
and for the love of heaven give glYem me
your undivided attention I am about
to give you ou your final instructions
H HI I i am all ears said ald Urnog with With a
gentle little dig at the reporters ribs
which almost succeeded in hurling him
fifty feet into space
There is nothing funny about that
said the reporter angrily Its too
true I can see the point of your al ¬
leged legedjokes jokes without having a batter ¬
ing ram turned loose on me More ¬
over wont wont you try tr to forget Shakes ¬
peare
Little Willie Is all to the lnegood good said
the giant I am glad I strained my
eyes reading r ding him this week
i tt
Avoid Cr iticisms and an Slang
Kindly u give me a chance said the
reporter impatiently I want you to
understand you Ou are area about to go up
against the real thing You will have
to cut out all the slang you OU have ac ¬
quired from my informal conversations
and please refrain from your rour customary
candid criticisms Remember who you ou
are and what he is
Dont you worry worJ Y i iv Kldlets v ldlets said Ur ¬
nog kindly I wont WQ nt queer you I am
going to elevate him to the position you
have occupied so gracefully for the past
three weeks and you OU shall sha ll be b reduced
to t < the pocket of my m white vest I 1 want
you to be in at the finish
There was wasarnpid a rapid decline on the part
of the reporter piomptly followed by
a swift movement of the giants hand
The next moment Major McCawley was
perched on Urnogs shoulder holding
to the long hair with both bot 3 3hands hands
Try the ear Major 3uted the re ¬
porter as 1te fie was WiJ raised to the lefthand
pocket po c cwt wt of o f the giants lowcut white vest
Dont mind him Maje l je said Urnog
with a chuckle He lIe has been giving
me a long lecture on the subject of my
slangy conversation You dont mind
me calling you Maje do you he
added He handed me a long name for
you which seemed too extensive for your
size After all as the great Shakes ¬
peare says Whats hats In a name
Delighted I lam am sure said sal l Major
McCawley t GaweY Permit me to reiterate my m
former question Where c shall I ta take ke
you
1 4 il ilr tf r
Adopt a a SwaggerStick
Any old place p ce will do sa a ld Urnog
goodnaturedly goo nat > redly But as we stroll stroUalOl1 alon g
instruct me m in the proper forms
phases of Washington Yashlngtonetiquetle etiquette
I should discard that bizarre biznrrecane cane
carry and wear ear nothing larger than th tha than n
a swaggerstick said the major
All right said Urnog j I will have
made immediately Immediat < iy But tell me
the Invitations I may receive
reporter pers person n said ald I must ask
ouwhat what place niace to expect at the tables
which Tarn I am invited How about it
That depends der > endsentlrely entirely upon the rank
o t the Ulcguf guests > ds invited to meet you Of
you know mow the th President is al ¬
way > the guest Qst of honor hGi1orand and the Vice
Pr > ldent Is ranked next to him
Where Wh < rc would I come in
i
>
i is is s s 1
I
fr
c
i >
I L 4
I 5 s
r rZ Z j r <
h I
t i
I t 7 7 4 f
11
7
0 i l
t i i
r rI I 4 3 g
y 5
t tc c
4
I
4
A
3
7
I
4
fr
l
c
l
I
I
4
> 9 I 4 Si
>
i 1
I 1iV
I
J
I
I
5
i 1 lr
C 1 r
F S j w
te
e7
s 4 c
I J
fi 3
1
t
e fr
I ii
y
7 55
i
4 i
i
I
4
I 4
i e b 5
4i Y4
I
t 4 t
47rb r
5
I
l11tJOR NRJo M MQ Q 1tWLIY AWLY I LtYAT LYArD To TNt I
PO POIrIor nrrION OF OPFI orrrcr CIA tJIDg UXD
If there were no other guests you
would be seated below the Vice Presir
dent
i iI I should hope so said the giant
with a grin Suppose u he hud to sit be ¬
0 4 =
low lo w wnh me I could oul see his ldnt
you ou
He II < couldnt do that 3 said
the < major m jorli It 1 would not rm
If there should be l o o1
3C C >
guests present woiil 11 k get
show or he out of
quired fuIr ITrnog anxiousl
I am very much af do 1
quite understand your our
>
to
V V
Ra ys ys Visit to to toWhite White House and Is Isr r lisa Disap isap p
pointed ointed l Not to Meet Arthur Simm Simmons ons
of o f Whom He Has Often
i
7 Heard e
A After ier fer Scrutinizin g Guests at t aRe a Recepi Rece pyiww ption < p His
Enthusiasm nthllsiasm in Search S arch for forR Re presenta prjS < tll ¬
tive Washin Washinoton gton Society
Wanes
H HI I I mean mean If more guests were rung
In on me would I have to give gve them
the main line Allow them to go up po to I Ithe
the head of the class and all that sort
of vtI1Ing thing j I
The The Chief Justice Justfceo of the Supreme Supr S prme me 1 1
Court of the tinted d States would of
course rank you And Andso so o would the he
SI Speaker > eaker of the theH9useof House of Representa ¬
tives thesAI Also an anamba5sadorfro ambassador from m manyof any anyof of
the thefor fore ign countries Likewise a Sen S n ¬
ator atororanenvo or an envoy nvo extraordinary extaordinar and mJn mm
ister pleni plenipotentiary potentiary from rom a iiendly 1thdJy
nation MOreOver lldre ver
Walt a a minute said lrnog Why
cant can t I go as s pne one of the theextraordlnary extraordinary etraordinar
envoys I IamretJresenting am representing re a foreign
country eountr and you Ql ou pigmies seem to think
me meextraordlra1Y extraordinary If I I go 0 In as the he
minister ninste from Brobdipgnag Bfob IIQgn < g where here am 3m I
to toslt sit i
Immediately 1 mme di3 teIY below the men m e n w WhO vhose hose se serank
rank I have ia e just indicated in fcated to o you l
Urnog UmOgstopped stopped and wiped the perspira ¬
tion tI mfrom from his brow bo
j r
This rblsls Is worse than the Capitol Capitolhe he
said saidu saidS1 u Suppose S1 pose all these people should
be behvitcd i ivited Who would sit next to the
Vlc Vce ce President Is the Speaker of the U le
i IHoJse KojUse higher than the Chief ChletJusUc2 Justics
and an ant ddo do they the both rank the ambassadors
ThSt rl1 trIJPorter reporter told tol me something about
the th President pro tern of the Senate
where does he come in And is a a Sena ¬ I
tor higher hiher than the Speaker Where do
the Cabinet officers come com In And how ho
about the social aides Is Ism an officer in in
the th tho e army m Yhigher higher than a ad adepartm department epartm ento of f ¬
I ficlal in the State Department How >
about aboiltan o an officer in the Marine Corps 1
I IVhim Whsn you get down to to actual a tual facts am
I not higher than any of the officials j
1 you ou have mentioned men tioned
Major McCawley rc wle shifted about uneas ¬
fly on the th e mammoth shoulder
I
The Question is Dodged
I
Of course you know he e said saIdu saIdwe u we
f never ne yer ask aska a t company compan to dinner that
I mig mfghtcause might ht cause embarrassment embarI3Js 2 2nt nt should shluld the
question of o precedence preced preceder > T1 e be raised There
I are never ne er any 1n conflicting claims for the th
I I same same seat
j I But do you know the relative rank i
j t of these various varois people What would j
happen If they the should be invited by b
mistake ml t take ake
b
j The reporter had been vigorously j
i I kicking the the theglant giant all through the
latter part of o the conversation and at
I Ithis this point he gave a particularly vigor i
t oug kick that attracted attract d Urnogs atten 1
j lion The major had m made 9de several s veral verall l
I false starts in the attempt to answer
the inquiry but before he had com com
j mitted himself the last kick from the
reporter suggested to Urnog the ad
vJsabiiity of c changing han hanglng ging the subject
i I Where are we wegolnghe going he asked
I thereby Interrupting interrup tIngIajor Major McCawleys l
j jfrantic frantic endeavor endea yor to reply to his ques qu s ¬
tions
I Oh ah auto to the White Wh te House F Iolsethat Io Ioi i lsethat that i Is is s
I mean the he Executive Mansion said
the Major recovering his hI composure composure e
I vvith with an effort
Good Goo said Urnog That will
I Igive I give me a chance to meet Arthur Sim ¬
mons I have heard hear of him very Yer of ¬
I ten
U I am a m afraid that tha tPle pleasure asure will be
I denied you > u said id the Major Arthur l
has resigned resf nel
I
j Is it possible said the thegiant giant with
i I evident regret re fgret et Why did he take that
step > ter > I
Really I do not know said the Ma
I jcr or
I 4C
I A Round Table Vacanc Vacancy y
Hello up above yelled y elled the reporter
from the vest pocket I thought I
i
I
had told you about that You You see se some som
body in in an unguarded moment told toIdAr Ar ¬
thur a few days a ago go that hat he had ad not io
been President of the the United States for
the thepnst past thirty years Thereupon Theretiponhe he
grew grewasly ashy wIt with anger angerandret1redt and retired reUre to t
the Pension Office to toengftgeln engage In the more
esthetic e5th ti tic c amusement amusement of shoveling shoveUnCout out
some t ten nor or more tons of poetry J which
was wa5left left behind by the late Commission i
er e iWare Ware
Here comes come the line Un of ofpigmfes pigm ies ex oxs
claimed Urnog looking 100 dng with interest
toward the the main entrance of the White Whitet t
House grounds Where shall we W go goto to
watch them 7
I
You Y oumfght might stand just asldft asld front iromthe the
portecochere porte cochere said s ld the m IruijOr Jbr
I have a better scheme than that that
said Urnog 00 I will sit on top tope o of it it
This action on the thepart part of ofthe the giant
startled the t e crowd somewhat so mawha4 but butap ap ¬
parently pareItlythe the majority majoritoitsmembers of its members
had become be me accustomed to him an and d
after a slight hesitation l1esi t1on they passed be be ¬
low the resting place he had selected elected
with curious looks upward The The Major
sat In silence apparently obliv oblivious ious of
the passing throng Urn tJrndgwatchetl Urnd fe watched
several severalhundred hundred of the guests atifl as as
they passed scrutinized them closely
Finally he turned with a a look of disap disa p ¬
pointment to his guide
How Is It he asked that I do not
see any of the Senators and Repre ¬
sentatives I met at the Capitol That
reporter told me this thswas was a reception to
the Senate and House Do you Y U know
any of these people
The Highways Highw ays and Byways
Really I Icant cant say that I do re replied plied
the Major somewhat stiffly I under ¬
stand stand that that the invitations invita invitati ti tions ons sent to the th
Senato Senators rs and Representatives are some ¬
times turned over overto to members of their
families and constituents This Is pos OS ¬
sibly sibI a case In point I really do not
seem to know any of these good peo eo ¬
pie i
Hello little one yelled the her he reporter porter
I can tell you ou who Whosome some of OfthesepeOPle these people
are r
That sounds good to me said Ur ¬
nog Blaze away
Well for instance do you see that
couple Just going through the door
Yes who are they
Wait a a minute Do you remember reme mber
the Senator who asked you t te dinner di1n er
last Monday
Yes
Well that Is his butler and and unless
I am very much mistaken the girl is i
the house maid
I say sa Maje laj Iaje said saidUrnog Urnog anxiously
is is that thatso so On the dead level do hey
stand sta d for thatsorto that sort sorto of thing at the White
House receptions r ceptlons
Well you seeu see u began beg1ntheMajor the Major
uneasily uneasn
u Ask As k him something easy yelled th the
reporter from the vest est pocket
The giant stood tor a a moment In deep
meditation Apparently his hisenthus enthus iasm l s
in the search for representative Wash ¬
ington society was was rapidly waning He e
reached Into his vest pocket and placed
the reporter reporteron on his right rlghtshot1lder shoulder e
Let us go gofhome home Kidlets Kfdletshas he said a d
sadly d
Will you ouexcuse excuse me asked sked 1Jajo Major
McCawley 3IcCawle politely I have an engage ¬
ment to lead the Six Hundred Couples
Cotillon Will you be able totake to totakethat takethat that
in
Thanks awfully sa said id Urnog I
believe the Kid has made ma e some engage ¬
ment for me
Well WT eli goodby said the major So
glad to have met you you you know
The Giants experiences exp riences a at t the District
Building will be told next Sunday
OREGONSTWOCLIMATES OREGONS J S TWO CLIMATES Cli MATES
Oregon is a land of two climates as
distinct as those of Minnesota and Flor ¬
ida l ahutmarked hut marked by t y the characteristics
of neither of those States Either is de ¬
lightfully healthy as is shown by the
fact that Portland has ha a lower death
rate than any other city w ith one ne ex e ¬
ception The Cascade mounta mountains ins form
the th boundary bound ry between the two climatic
be belts lts and define them th < m as sharply sharphas as
would a wall running from north to
3outh 3out Wst We r st of 01 that wall the lhepreyalling prevailing
winds are warmed warm d by the Japan cur I
rent which sweeps across the Pacific
from the Japanese coast tempers the I
rigors rI ors of OfWlnter winter ir lrth Ic the e Aleutian islands
I and the Alaskan coast oast and carries the l
sme bcneScietjt bCl1 1cint influence down do t1 the
j oast > of British Columbia Washington 1
I xnd Oregon The west and southwest
I w inds laden with mo isture pass over this
great ocean river and shed their burden
over the land When they tho reach the
high ridges of oi the th Cascade range they
are squeezed almost dry and are quickly
cooled by b striking the snowcapped peaks
havIng havinnly Anl Xnly > a small s all remainder of otcold cold
iain or snow for eastern e < stern Oregon
Thus it Is that a high average of rain
a moist air and a W z moderate tempera ¬
ture at all seasons mark the cllmateof climate of
western Oregon while a small fall fa l lor of
rain and snow greater gr ater extremes of tem ¬
perature pcrat re and a dry r air mark that of
eastern Oregon If the temperature rose
as high or fell tis s low in western west m as In
eastern Oregon there would be as many I
deaths from frQ 1 cold coldand and sunstroke iu nstroke as are
attributed attribut d vo o the blizzards and hot
spells spensof of the Atlantic tlantlc coast while if the
a
In air of eastern were as moist as that of
western Oregon the he result would be
the same
The ah same law of compensation cOIDvensaUonrules rules
=
in other respects In western wes tern Oregon
nature has provided that the theprevaJUng prevailing
winds Wint la of summer shall sha blow from the
cool northwest = st and shall s hall be dryer than
those from the southwest and cause a a
decided fall L1I of temperature at night
The heat of the tlit sun i4UI is 15 therefore tem ¬
pered by day da and the nights are cool
enough to allow of sound soundre refreshing treshlmr
sleep 1ep which stores up I energy for the
next day On the thelither tim other tler hand the pre ¬
vailing ailing winds of winter coma from the
west and southwest br bringing inging warmth
and rain Not that western wc tern Oregon has
no frost for clear frosty frost veathcr athcr often
comes for tiu two or three i erutjxa utj e
weeks celts in winter wint I but the cold c d dIs Is hot no not
severe rarely rar iarc b h more than ten te degrees be
low freez frtzIni rt > cz ing point A winter 1uter when lea Ic
forms for ms on the Willamette iilamette r river iver at Port ¬
land only < comes once on e In Ina a generation
the last such season having been In iSIS 188
when vliei the ice was so thick that skaters
crossed on onitlortlantl it ItPortland Portland Oregonian
HOW SHE WOULD GET TO PARIS PAPJSh h
Charlemagne Tower the American
ambassador r to Germany German spoke of o the
Americans Ame leans love of f Paris Parlsal at a dinner
that he gave gmr in Philadelphia
A young oung American girl lived H d l In a bleak
Western 1Vesternclty city There were In those days
np 10 institutes s for the treatment of rabies
or threatened rabies save in France
The young oung girls life was monotonous
and one day lLi she burst Into Intolt1eighbors a ii neig neighbors hbors
house almost beside b side herself with joy ¬
ous excitement
Her dark eyes e es flashed flas hed Her cheeks
had a delicate rcse rcs flush Panting Panting1 a lit ¬
tle she cried in a a tremulous voice
Thank goodness we w are going to
Paris at last Dad has been bitten itten by
a mad dog dogNew New York Tribune
t o