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THE WASHINGTON TIMES,' SATURDAY; JANUARY' 4; 1913.
Published Every Evening (Including Sundays) by the
"Washington Times Company,
The Munsey Building, Pennsylvania Ave.
Frank A. Munsey, President. B. H. Tltherinffton, Secretary.
Fred A. Walker, Treasurer and General Manager.
One Year (Inc. Sunday) $&50 I Six Months-, $1.75 1 Three Months, Mc
Entered at the Port Office at Washington. D. C. a second claw mall matter.
"Washington, D. C, Saturday, January 4, 1913.
A DISAPPOINTED PATRIOT.
"We have ourselves in a measure canonized our own forefathers
of the revolutionary era," wrote Governor Wilson in his textbook,
The State, when he was a professor at Princeton. "But the men of
.76, we are all willing to acknowledge, were at their greatest only men.
The ancestor of the primitive man became, on the contrary, a god,
and a god of undying power. His
It was no light matter to depart
ancestors. To do so was to run in
tor Bailey seems to be one of Wilson's "primitives." He wants us to
canonize the Fathers, and he seems to be a little troubled that we
haven't canonized him.
IN MAINE AND
The organization of the Maine Legislature by the Republican com
bination leaves no doubt that ex-Governor Burleigh will be chosen
United States Senator to succeed Obadiah Gardner. The Progressives,
-as a group, lured into "harmony" with Republicans such as they had
in the State campaign of September rather than definite support of a
man representing their own principles, are following a seriously mis
taken course. If offices were the only thing in sight it might be
different. The party's aims will never be forwarded wjien strategy is
made the main object. A heavy blow is dealt to the party when
patronage is set above principle.
The so-called Progressives in the Maine Legislature have be
trayed the 50,000 Progressives in the State, who will not be quick to
forget their action any more than that of the old guard who have
decoyed their representatives with a frayed old confidence game.
THE SLEEPER WAKES.
Thirty thousand Greeks have gone from this country to fight for
their fatherland. Their going was voluntary. Thousands of them
had lived here for ten years and more. Many of them were American
citizens. Their final purpose, in the last analysis, was that of extend
ing the 'frontiers of christian civilization. And the work they and
their countrymen have done in that contest has spurred the world to
realize that Greece is producing its own renaissance. The Greek is
acquiring all those qualities that we generalize under the term of
efficiency. His bravery has been historical, too historical perhaps,
but he is proving now that it is also adequate.
Last month the general staff at Belgrade advised Athens that they
could not reach the Servian troops on the Adriatic; those troops were
in danger of starvation. Within twenty-three "hours a Greek ship
had landed a cargo of provisions. In many parts of Greece where
twenty years ago there were villages of hovels there art now rail
road stations and factory tovns. Democracy has raised another beacon
for the golden hopes of men. And those thirty thousand patriots who
left their shining parlors, and tiieir truck gardens to hammer the Turks
may have had some modest share in that restoration.
THE PUBLIC LANDS CHAIRMANSHIP.
The selection of a new chairman for the House Public Lands
Committee will provide an indication of the disposition of the House
organization toward progressive policies. In the next few years, few
committees of Congress will confront business more important to the
whole country. There must be a very present determination whether
we shall go forward with the conservation of our public domain in
the interest of both the present and
nation-wide .purpose to do this shall be surrendered in favor of the
There are two aspirants to the vacant chairmanship of this com
mittee. Between them there can be no uncertainty as to general ten
dencies and inclinations. Mr. Graham, of Illinois, has a long record of
sincere service in the cause of protecting the public domain. He has
been active, prominent, and uniformly on the side of public interest.
Moreover, he is the heir-apparent to the chairmanship.
Next below him on the committee is Mr. Ferris, of Oklahoma.
His record, his general attitudes," his speeches and votes, fairly place
him on the opposite side of the question. It involves no assault on
Mr. Ferris' motives or sincerity, to say that it is just as plain as the
sun at noon, that he is not the sort of man to assume this highly re
sponsible chairmanship at this time. He doesn't take the national,
the broad, the far-seeing view of
volved in the administration of the public domain.
Grant that Mr. Ferris is perfectly honest and sincere, it only adds
to the weight of argument why he ought not to be head of this com
mittee. He doesn't understand what it is all about. The national
awakening to a realization of our trusteeship for the future, our re
sponsibility for economic conditions that must depend on the use we
make of these treasures of the public domain, has not reached Mr.
Just at this time, wljen there is a vast deal of speculation about
the economic mind and intellectual tendencies of the House organiza
tion, the determination of this chairmanship contest will be especially
suggestive of what may be expected hereafter. That the Underwood
regime in the House is likely to develop a considerable hostility to
the Wilson program in general, has been increasingly suspected of
late. The rejection of Mr. Graham and the selection of Mr. Ferris for
this chairmanship would be accepted by informed people as indicating
the accuracy of this forecast.
LOOKING BEFORE LEAPING.
The following answer by Mr. Underwood to a question as to whether
tariff revision would be schedule by schedule or in one general tariff
bill is interesting:
That is a matter of detail to be decided by the committee. But, which
ever method is adopted, it will be necessary first to prepare a complete
-scheme of revision. With $350,000,000 of revenue to look out for, it would
be Impossible to proceed In any other way.
This, of course, suggests the query why, when the same amount of
revenue had to be looked out for last -year, Mr. Underwood 'and his
fellow-Democrats hurled the wool bill, the cotton bill, the steel bill at
the President one after the other, and without waiting even for the
tariff board's reports, let-alone complete consideration of the entire
But there is a vast difference between trying to put an opposition
Administration in a hole and enacting real legislation for which your
own party is bound to be held responsible.
The program outlined now is sane and sensible. Revision schedule
by schedule is an admirable plan for the gradual perfection of the tariff
system after the general scale has been agreed upon and has been in
operation long enough so that business has accommodated itself to it.
spirit lived on to bless or to curse.
from the practices of those potent
the face of the deities." But Sena
future generations, or whether the
that array of problems that are in-J
THIS & THAT
With Sometimes a Ltitle of the Other
ANSWERS TO CORRE
("Why do you write about yourself so
nuch?"-A. B. N.)
Yours, sir, is a fair enough 'query
A sensible question and sane;
Therefore, if such talk make you
Give ear and I'll try to explain:
I COULD write of Violet Asquith,
Of Castro, of gamblers and
And likely get rid of my task with
The minimum outlay of time.
The tariff, the market quotations,
Exports for the previous year,
The growler for carrying beer,
Scutari and Java and Ceylon,
And suffrage, insurance, canal
They're all of 'em things I could
And possibly some day I shall.
rd honestly love to relate them
These vibrating themes of the
It isn't, you know, that I hate them,
But I wouldn't know what to say.
And so, when the news items, all
Are empty as empty can be,
In order to fill up the column,
I have to pull something on Me.
But still, I shall make the endeavor
, . To follow your tip, A. B. N.:
Beginning today, I shall never
But see! There Tve done it
"It early became apparent that the
day was destined to establish a record
in this city. The streets -were covered
frith slushy snow, several inches deep,
and a biting gale swept Pennsylvania
avenue, tearing decorations to the
ground and driving many of the timor
ous Indoors. The advent of a cold,
sleety rain, at about 3 o'clock, completed
what old-timers declared to be one of
the worst days that 'Washington has
seen In many years."
What? Bless you, no! It's from The
Washington Times, March 5, 1913.
OUB OWX DICTIONARY.
GOETHALS: From the English "get"
and German "Hals,' meaning neck.
If the attempt to serve a subpoena
never has been used as farce material,
we advise somebody to grab It, right
Mr. Foster without rushing unduly,
should be able to catch the Kroonland,
sailing from New York January S.
bound for London. Then, if he takes a
cab to St. James Palace, he will bo
Just in time to answer the envoys'
questions as to how the allies' ulti
matum and Turkeys' "last possible
terms" ever are going to be made to
Or, if he wants to stop off In Paris
and enjoy himself for a week or three,
he will still be in plenty of time so far
as the peace conference is concerned.
THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT
G. S. K.: Speaking of sad sights, the
absolute limit is that of a deserted card
table. Uttered with chips, cards, and
cigar stubs. Especially when the party
has been at jour house and It's up to
you to clean up. CARROLL.
"Messrs. O'Halr and McCombs,"
writes Nevermind, "should meet a
friend of mine Daniel Ruff. Dan Huff,
we call h'm."
Thl3 Castro business is of some use.
anyhow. It brings out thu fact that
Harold A. Content is connected with
the law office of George Gordon Rattle,
which certatnly is worth knowing.
Nother one; He. Castro, In applying
for a writ, schlug Nagel nn Kopf.
When your dentist tells ou
ns he does if he's like ours
"Now, If this hurts jou Just lot
me know," and then, wh-n jou
let him know, carelesmly re
mArki". "I thought maybe It
would" where do YOU hit him?
The Inaugural celebration In this, our
slmpll-clty. will be plain and unpreten
tious. However, It will not differ from
previous celebrations, which were fanry
and pretentious. Is Mr. Foster In tht,
"Lcpracaum," published In Dublin
Ireland, is the latest to be caught ber
rymanlng Go'dburg. They have a suf
frage cartoon entitled: "Destruction
BUT WK DIDN'T HAVE YOU TO
HELP OUT ON THOSE DAYS.
G. S. IC: As for your motto, I see
you "Let the re"ht go." readily enough.
How about those two short columns
this week? N. J.
Two months from today
Q. S. K..
the water wagon this
year?" asked Mr. Jarr as
he and his friend Bangle
rode down Pennsylvania
"I don't see why you ask me
such a question!" retorted Mr. Rangle,
somewhat Indignantly. "What do you
think I am? An old rum, as you are?"
"Mer retorted Mr. Jarr indignantly.
"ME a rum? Why, doggone you! I
never go Into a ginmlll from one week's
end to another."
"Yes, but you shouldn't week-end
there when you do go," said Mr. Ran
gle, opening The Times. "My boy, all
I've got to say to jou Is contained in
that memorable philippic ngalnst booze
uttered by the late John B. Gough
Beware, young man! The rapids arc
below jou!' '"
"Beware yourself!" snorted Mr. Jarr.
"You've got a ncre to talk like that,
the many times I've brought jou home
In a cab! Yep, and paid the bill too;
for I noticed one thing about you, and
that Is no matter how garrulous jou
might be In your cups and ln"a cab at
the beginning of the ride j'ou alway-j
feigned a cunning, liquorish Insensibil
ity' when we got up to the door. And
the last few times (for It's taxlcabi
now) j-ou were dead to the world and
the reckoning when the chauffeur was
counting up the clock "
Mr. Rangle Nearly
Has To Sile.
Mr. Rangle could scarce repress a
"I'm not uccl to hard drinking as jou
arc," he explained. "I'm not Inured to
Watch Night Echoes.
"Six of us lost our watcnes in the
New Year Eve crowd."
"It was Watch Night, all right, for
some lucky crook."
' V Ui
) APRES VOUS) p j
) The ladies WHAT 7
fSAYTHAT ) PLEASE SIT DowM
I AGAIN AHO LET rl EKIERTAlU YOU
r ( lAttNQTCroiKSTorlYCLUBJ
IS LIFE! By
I CAME DIRECT FROM
TriEOFFlCE AHO lAKV
PR.OUQ OF IT
'he effects of alcohol. And if you lead
me astray j-ou should at least pay the
freight when j-ou bring me home."
"Be that as It may," said Mr. Jarr.
"for I will not bandy words with you on
the subject, j-ou have taken j-our last
alcoholic trance at mj- expense In a cab
or tuxlcab. And my advice to you. If
you want to ride, is to get up on the
water wagon and hold tight. For no
sustaining arm of mine will be there to
keep you, my erring brother, from fall
"Oh, you're not going to ride, then.
You are going to keep up your addle-
tlons?1' Inquired Rangle. sarcastically.
'"S'nuff!" snorted Mr. Jarr, and he
held The Times up before his eyes to
shut out the sight of his serpent friend.
And all the way up the Avenue he was
so mad that he read everything In the
paper without It's leaving a trace of
Thrice Told Tales
Mrs. Nuwed Tells Her Sister:
OH, I had a beautiful Christmas.
Maudle; Indeed I did! Jim
gave me the gorgeous brace
let! Isn't It a aream.- .vim
before he put It on he made a brace
let of kls&es around my arm. rli?ht
whero tills one was going to rest so,
of course. It's doubly precious to me.
And, our dinner was perfect Just
perfect! I tlxed all Jim's food for him.
and when we got to the plum pudding
I went over and sat next to him. In
stead of being so far away, across the
table, and I fed him and he fed me.
Oh, It was Just LOVELY, Maudle!
Once or twice during dinner he did
mention not having his mother there.
You see. It's the tlfst Christmas he's
ever eaten dinner without her. But ho
was afraid she might say something
to hurt me. and ho s.ild he wasn't go
ing to have any one put a blemish on
our Ilrst Christmas together not even
hln own mother. Wasn't that sweet of
him? Dear boy!
Ijito In the afternoon oil. very late.
nlnifiHt nvcnlnir he went over to see
her, because we both realized It was
no more than his duty. But e nurrieu
.if-iii h.irk .on het. I wonder why she
doesn't like me cry much? I guess be
cause I married her son. wen, jou can t
hlame her. She must miss mm otcju-
fullj'. He's SO sweet!
Her Sister Tells Her Husband:
I WAS oer at Margie's today, George
diar, and I've been blue ever since.
On her wedding day I had horlble
forebodings; whj- did I ever let her
marry him? You know Margie Is a
verj proud girl, don't jou. George?
She'd eat her heart out rather than
coir plain to anjone. So jou can Imr.g
lne Just how awful the situation Is
when I tell jou what she told me,
Oh, of course, Jim gave her some
thing half way decent. Naturally he'd
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Mr. Jarr Begins 1913 With
The "Name and Not the Game"
what he read In his memory from
"Julia Murdock" to "Subpoena Servers'
Siege of William Rockefeller."
Rangle, whose office was nearer Four
teenth street than Mr. Jan's, got busy
with Mr. Jarr's office on a nlckel-ln-the-slot
By Mr. Jarr.
Johnson, the cashier, was the first to
greet Mr. Jarr. He had Just hung up
the telephone receiver (Johnson had),
and he looked at Mr. Jarr curiously.
Then he shook his head sadly and
turned away without a word.
"S'matter?" asked Mr. Jarr.
"Johnny can go out and get you some
aromatic spirits of ammonia," whispered
"What's the matter with jou fellows?
Are you both crazy?" asked Mr. Jarr.
"Well, we've noticed it for some time
have to the first year thej-'re married.
Because he knows how people would
talk if he didn't. Men can't afford to
give their wives snide things until
they've been married at least three
He gave her a bracelet nothing won
derfulbut he hoodwinked the poor lit
tle dear by performing that old and
theatrical trick a bracelet of kisses!
Then, Just think, George, he made her
itei perfectly miserable all throusn
dinner. George after she'd made the
salad dressing and evertynlng. too by
sighing for his mother and absolutely
turning up his nose at the food until
she. In her poor little Innocence, went
over and FED him. no less!
And later on she said (although I dare
say It was directly after dinner) he left
her ana went ocr and spent the rest of
the daj- with his mother! What do you
think of that. George, dear? Left his
dear little bride all alone to crj' hr
heart out. on their FIRST Christmas.
"What are we going to do about It?
George to Jim's Brother:
NOW. see here, old chap, I've got
something really unpleasant to
say, I hate to take It out on
you, because I suppose jou're
rcallr Ignorant of affairs, but I want
jou to spread the warning I'm afraid
to trust myself with the guilty one.
Maudle's almost down sick with the
way jour brother's treating her sister.
He's a brute a beast! What do you
think he did? Gave her a snide little
phony bracelet for Christmas, and when
ahe wanted to thank him for it he bit
her on the wrist!
Then she stood on her feet all day
oer a hot stove to cook him a meal
(and Margie Isn't used to that, let me
tell you), and ho repaid her by making
Insulting remarks about each dish, and
before the meal was over he dashed
from the table, slammed on his hat and
coat and beat It for jour mother's, not
even telling that poor kid where he was
Now. I don't want to start anything,
but jou Just tell that brother of yours
If I hear another whisper about him and
Marslc I'm coming over to pay him a
friendly little visit with a liorsewhlp.
Yes, air. I'm a Southerner, sir, and we
know how to protect our women. Yes,
"N " vT
iHMaMaW m klk
S . 7KWvJptf j
now," said. Johnson. "Look how your
hand shakes! What better sign, or
rather what worse .sign, would you
want than that?" ,
Mr. Jarr's hand was shaking, but it
was irom nervous anger.
"Look here!" he cried. "If you wags
aren't guying me. I want to say to you
that I haven't touched a thing since
well, since 'last night. Maybe I did
take a drink or two last nightt But
it's the holiday season. And" here Mr.
Jarr grew indignant. Yesterday after
noon we were all shaking dice in Shoe
maker's. "There's no use, Jr ikins," said John
son, pityingly. "When the 'habit gets a
man, he only gives his friends an ar
gument." And they turned from Mr.
Jarr sadly and said no more.
Just then the telephone rang. It was
Jack Silver seeking to speak to Mr.
v-Say." he said. "I got a couple of
cases of wine Christmas. WouJd you
like me to send one up to the house?"
"Thanks, old man," replied Mr. Jarr,
In a shaking voice. "But Mrs. Jarr's
getting to be a regula'r temperance
fanatic Better not- But 'predate offer
Just the" same." '
1 i i i i i , .
, Staff Lecturer N. T. Board of Education.!
P- - I ,
Crossing the Bar.
LTHOUGH the fame of Lord
im juijaun uoes not by any
, means rest upon his ability as
a writer of sacred lj-rlca. never
theless, toward the close of his Ion
life he penned one of the most beauti
ful hymns in our language. "Crossing
the Bar" voices I nono of the negation
of Bo-ant's "Thanatopsls." Bather may
we read betwten Its lines a calm confi
dence in a future life beyond this world
and a supreme faith In the Great Pilot:
Sunset and ovenlrg star
And one clear can for me.
And may there be no moaning of tho
When I put out to sea.
But such a tide as moving seems to
Tnn full fnr miml n. fnovn
When that which drew from out the
Turns again home!
Twilight and evening bell
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of fare
well When I embark.
And though from out this bourne of
time and place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When T have crossed the bar.
There have been several musical set
lngs of this exqulslto gem, but none
more dramatic or suitable than that by
the late Dudley Buck. Curiously enough,
this music was composed at sea on a
voyage from New York to Europe when
the steamer on which were the com
poser and his family narrowly escaped
disaster by collision with a sailing vessel.
t By CL. CulU.i
E Big Ones always Pass Up teat
Game Called "Follow Xy
, "Worrying sever,
was the Prelude
Whea you give
Habit the Gate
Happiness aUps in!
Never Take Much
Stock In the Chap
who Places' a Con-
fl.itijl Vltt- nn
...iw ShAMfef- aut
Tells Vb Things "For Our Own Good."
Even when the Old Game was Going
the Hardest Against na, we always Felt
that we had a Chance, UNTH.T'e Be
gan to Feel. Sorry for Ourselves.
The Castaway who BELIEVES the
Chicken-Coop he Clings to is aa Un
saleable Boat is the One who gen',
ally U'Picked Up!
We Gain Light to Illumine oar own
Path In Helping to Dispel the Darkness
The Trouble about New Tear Tteso
lutlons is that they're too Cut-and-Dried
to be Convincing!
Not so Very Long before the Blossoms
will be Here .Again '
We can't Quite Make a piano this
Tear, but we're There 'with 'a Mouti
Organ and a Jewsharp. upon 3ai C
whjch we're Considerable Perforeaat
There isn't Much to Choose between,
an Apostate from his Principle and
a Renegade from bis Tribe!
There's a Fine Little Hlddle-Oronnd
between Egomania and Self-Depreciation!
Frequently we're Inclined to Be
lieve that a Fellow Is Doing ;th Best
be Can until he Says So!
From the Make-Good Point of View,
we're All Ticket-pf-Leave Men!
A Lot of ns who, to Cover Defeat,
Claim that we've been Hit Below the
Belt, would be Mightily Embarrassed
if Moving Picture. Evidence were Pulled,
on us! ?.
The jBowsays he has .Fired' a Let of
Fellows who 'Made Good to a WgWsy
later on. .Elsewhere out thes weren't
the Ones who Tried to. BegBack, Their
Jobs after being- bounced!" "
r ,. .
ife ay be a .Warfare bat the ofct
Band keeps A-Playtng! ' ,
The Man on the Rbkd
By H. f. Batten.
jUTj-uij-M-M-r- -- fc ----- --f ---.-..- ,r
Urn JUST had a very poor trip
I through Maine," said the potato
salesman. "Up In Bangor X
walked out to the public square
on a Saturday night, trying to forget
my troubles. As I drew, near I saw a
torchlight in a carriage and a crowd
righting for places near tim an who
stood in. the carriage. -Here-was-fet
spiel as I caught it from .the- edge of
the crowd: '
'" Friends, X have stood" ea the rock
bound coast of icy Norway. 1 have
stood in the smelly cities of far China.
I have gazed from the -snow-capped
Alps Into the green fields of Italy. I
nave viewed the scenery from the house
tops of Jerusalem. But never, no never,
have t beheld a more Intelligent audi
ence. For Watch Co pasy.
3 represent, the Thirtieth, Century
Watch Company, of New York Ciy. Wo
are 'going to send salesmen here to
sell these watches to the dealers here.
But before doing so we want you men
of intelligence .and property to know
about these fine watches. When I tell
you that I can sell you a, solid goM
watch for. less than you pay for an or
dinary nickeled watch you will be
amazed. Here is a watch you will carry
and prize for a lifetime. I am not go
ing to give you these watches for notb-.
ing, but to those with grit and sand
enough to hand tne 3 I promise a sur
prise. Now, who has $3?
"Only three 'cappers' gave hi .-money.
The man took out a large roll of bills
and peeled off three fives. Then "ha
handed each of the three a watch, his
own five and an extra flve-doHar hllL
The crowd opened their eyes In aston
ishment. Another C-iace.
"Some of you men were a Mttle slaw
said he, and I am going to give every
one another chance. Now, I promise
another surprise to every person who
hands me a five spot.' Five horny
handed sons of the soli dug up the sum.
The roan talked a while about the glo
ries of the watches and got six more.
Then he counted three, slowly, and got
four more. t
" 'All you men meet me here tomor
row night and tell me what you think
of the watches,' he ordered.
"With that he drove away. About
three minutes later there was an awful
holler from the crowd. The watches
were solid brass and the bills genuine
For Adults or Infants.
MIKE came to the doctor about
9 o'clock with the information
that their month-old baby
would not sleep a wink. The
doctor gave Mike sleeping powders for
the "baby. The nest day he met Mike
on the street. i '
"Well, howdld the powders work?"
asked the doctor.
"Them powders. Doc," answered Mike,
"sure did the trick?"
"Made the baby sleep, did theyr
"No. that they didn't Doc We gave
the darllnt a dose. Just as you told me.
but it wouldn't sleep at all. at all; so
we Just took a dose o' thlm powders
oursils. we did, and went right off to
slaap. and nlver heard the darllnt cry
one bit any more."
What's on the firogram in
Meeting of Canton Washington No. I.
I. O. O. F.. tonight.
Meeting of Government Printing Office
Council National Union, tonight.'
National "A Good Little Devil"
and S p. m.
Belasco "The Merry Widow," 235 and
S:1S p. m.
Columbia "The Grain of Dust," 2:13
and 8:15 p. m.
Chase's Polite vaudeville. '2:13 and
8:15 p. m.
Poll's Vaudeville, afternoon and
Academj- "Satan Sanderson," 2:13 aud
S:1S p. m.
Lyceum "Girls from Reno," 2:15 and
3:13 p. m.
Gayety "Gay Masqucrader ; and
SOS p. m . . -y