Newspaper Page Text
What the Indians Have Cost.
In the complete Indian census re
rort just published an interesting at
tempt is made for tho *rst time to cast
up in figures an aggregate of the gov
ernment expenditures on account of
the red mon residing within the United
States since tho Union was established
ii 1789. Tho remit of this attempt
indicates in the statistics presented
that the gigantic sum of $1,105,219,
372 was spout by tho government up
to tho year 1890, either upon tho In
dians directly or indirctly because of
Indians. Counting in, however, tho
civil and military expenses for Indians
since then, together with incidental
expenses not recognized in the official
figures given, it is safe to say that up
to June 30, 1893, a further sum ot'
?141,780,628 may bo added to tho ag-*
grepate figures, making a grand ag
gregate of SI,250,090,000 chargable to
Indians to date.
Tho Indian wars under the govern
ment of the*United States are stated
to have numbered more than forty,
and to have cost tho lives" of about
?19,000 white men, women and children,
including about five thousand killed,
in individual encounters, of which his
tory takes no note, and of thirty thou
eaud Indians, including 8,500 killed in
personal encounters.-Globe Demo- j
But She Was Wrong.
When the crowd was filing out from
tho theater young Mr. Youngly
stepped on the pretty girl's dress.
"Oh, shoo!" the pretty girl ex
claimed, cs she was thus suddenly hove
Young Mr. Youngly 6aw his oppor
"Don't shoo me," he smartly said.
"I'm no cow."
"No," the pretty girl made answer,
os she swept demurely past, "but you
will be when you grow up."
And it Mas seven or eignt minutes
before young Mr. Youngly could light
his cigarette.-Rockland Tribune.
Would Make an Alteration.
Biggerstaff-Young Huggins says he
odores the very ground Miss Fosdick
Timherwheele-He wouldn't havo
such HU affection for it if ho knew it
was mortgaged to its full value.-De
troit Free J'ress.
Open tho Safety Vnlvo
When there is too hi? a head of steam OD. or
you will he in danger. Similarly, when that
Important safety vulve of thc system, the
bim ls become*obstructed. npra it promptly
with Host L-l t<-r'> Stomach Bitter-, ami saura
nyoinsl the consequences of i-s closuic. Bil
iousness? dyi?p9D ia. nislarial. rheumatic! ani
kidney complaint, nervousness and nenral.'la
atc ali rXtbjttgatrd by this pleasant but potcat
conqueror o? disease.
Tlie firs' aVl last thing required of genius
is thc love of truth.
Dr. Ki mer's SWAMP-ROOT euros
ali Kidney and Bladder troubles.
Pamphlet and Consultation free.
Laboratory Binghamton, N. Y.
There is even a happiness that makes tho
heart a: raid.
Miss Brown of Dalton.
By the simple Wino of Cardul Treatment of
Female Diseases, thousands of afflicted women
are restored to healtn ?ver? year. It corrects
the menstrual irro?ulanlI?8 from which
nearly all women suffer, and is being univer
.ally used for that purposs now. Ask your
druggist for McF.lree's Wine of Cnrdui.
Speaking of this class of women disease0,
Miss Laura P. Brown, of Dalton, Ga., says: -'I
have bf ou suffering from excessive menses for
two years, constantly setting worse, and I feel
that McElree's Wine of Cardni has saved ray
life- I looked forward to each month and
thought. I could not endure such misery an
other timo- I can't express my gratitude for
the wonderful relief."
Nerves irritated by tobacco, always crav
ing for stimu lants, exp?alos why it is so bard
io swear off. No-To-Bac is the'only guaran
teed tobacco habit cure bcoauso lt acts di
lectly ou affected nervo centers, destroys ir
ritation, J.K. notes digestion and healthy, re
freshing sleep. Many gain 10 pounds in 10
daye. You ruo DO risk. No-To-Lao is sold
and guarnntecd by Druggists everywhere.
Jlook ftee. Ad. Sterling Remedy Co., Now
York City cr Chicago.
Indigestion, Dyspepsia, Bad Breath, Debility,
Sour .Siomach. Wont of Appetite, Distraes
After Eatiiig. and all evils arising from a
weak or disordered stomach. It builds up
from the fir^t dose, and a bottle or two will
cure the worst cases, and Insure a Rood appe
tite, excellent digestion and result in vigor
ous health and buoyancy of spirits. There la
no letter way to insure (rood health and a
long 1 if?- than to keep the stomach riiht.
Tvucr's Dyspepsia Remedy is guaranteed to
d>". this- "Tho Tranquilizing Alter-Dinner
Drink. For sale by Druggists. Manufactured
by C. O. Tyner. Atlanta.
They Call It Overwork.
Bu ; m s- requires a ch ar brod; yet how few
bt!f>i'<v--*< men-with all their sense-realize
what i- thc tronb e with their heaii1-. They
t all it over-work, worry, anything but what it
lea ly U-1NDIOKSCTOJC. This stealthie-t of
ni luen'aii-un ly corae*dl*iriii?ed ns N>tuethlntz
else. Won! lift you be convinced if a box of
R pan? Tabule* cl< are l your head and bright
ened up the business outlook?
'.I Have Tried Parker's Ginger Tonic
and le lleve in it." -avs a mother, and so will
you whoa you know its revitalizing properties.
W. ll. G ri flin, Ja'-kftou, Michigan, write*:
"Suffered with Catarrh for tineen years.
Hall"- Cat*?Th Cute cured me." Sold by
Pico's Care for Consumption has saved mc
many ? doctor's bill.-8. F. HARDT, Hopkin*
l'lac \ Bait more. Md., Dec. 2, 'W.
Mrs. Winslow's Soothinf^Syrnp for children
teething, softens the teams, reduces inflamma
tion, allays pain, cures wi nd colic. 25c. a bot tlc
Is caused by thin, weak, impure
blood. To havo pure blood which
will properly sustain your health
and give nerve strength, take
? ASK YOUR DRUGGIST FOR *
? THE BEST *
? JOHN CARLE & SONS, New York. *
This is the finest Hotel in its appointment*
soutii of Baltimore. The table ts supplied
with all the delicacies the market can afford.
TheCui-itie is excellent,and service prompt
and attentive. Open all the year. Rates rea
sonable. J. H. STILWELL, Manager.
SM (THURAT, Shorthand, Typewrit
COLLEGE, Richmond, Va, rwt.? v i"*?*>
ph] KnlbKin. I .' '?
m P ISO ISY C U. RE- FO R /,.
ra ? ??RES wh?B? AH Eui FAILS, lg
" Beat Cough Syrup. Taates Good. Use |
ta tlase. Sold by dmceUt*.
"A LITTLE BROTHER OF THE AIR."
There is a bird I know so well,
It seems as if ho must have sung
I Beside my crib when I was young;
I Before I know the way to spell
The uame of even the smallest bird,
His gentle, joyful song I heard.
Now see if you can tell, my dear,
What bird it is that, ever}' year,
Sings "Sweet-sweet-sweet-very morry
He comes in March, when winds arc strong,
And snow returns to hide the earth;
But still he warms hts heart with mirth,
And waits for May. He linders long
While Howers fade; und ovcry day
Repeats his small, contented lay;
As if to say, we need not fear
The season's change, if love is hero
With "Sweot-sweet -sweet -vory merry
He does not wear a Joseph's coat
Of many colors, smart and gay;
His suit ls Quaker brown and gray,
With throe dark patches at his throat.
And yet of all tho well-dressed throng
Not one can sine so bravo a Bong.
It makes the pride of looks appear
A vain and foolish thing, to hear
His "Sweet -swoet-sweet-very merry
A lofty place ho does not love,
But sits by choice, and well at caso,
In hedge?, aud in little trees
That stretch thoir slender arms abovo
Tho meadow brook; and thero he stags
Till all tho field with pleasure rings;
And so he (ells in every ear,
The lowliest home to heaven is near
In "Sweet-sweet -sweet - very merry
I like tho time, I Uk? the words:
They seem so true, so free from art,
So friendly, and so full of hean,
That if but one of all the birds
Could be my comrade everywhere,
My little brother of tho air,
I'd choose the song-sparrow, my uear,
Because he'll bless me, o ve ry year.
With "Sweet -sweet-sweet-very merry
-Henry van Dyke, in the Century.
A Foolish Masauerade.
BREE girls domi
ciled in tho next
room ! There's au
end of my writing
for one month, at
pushed his papers
iuto a confused
heap, shut his desk
with ft vindictive
snap, and lighted a
"Three chattering, noisy girls, each
with it tongue threo times its proper
length ! There's ray cousin Flora,
Alice Aymer, rind KOSH Fernall -blue
eyes, black eyes and melting gray ; by
tho way, that little mo?key Rosa,
isn't bad looking. I rather fancy that
peculiar shade of brown hair. She
would make a tolerable study for my
next heroine. I may as well put her
to some useful purpose. Keigho ! I
think Aunt "Meg was crazy to invite all
those girls here at once !"
He paused a moment, as the merry
pearl of girlish laughter echoed in the
"They're laughing at mo. Girls
always thiuk a bachelor fair game."
Tap! tap! tap! sounded softly on
tho panel of his door, and he ha I just
time to take his heeU off the table
before Flora Edgeworth put her head
into the room.
"Cousin Kenneth, are you thero?"
"WelJ, what's wanting now?"
"May we come in?"
"I may as well say yes !"
"I just want the girls to seo what a
dear little den you've got here."
Flora threw open the door, and ad
mitted her two companions.
"Here he is, girls ! tho old bachelor,
as ho appears in his native wilds!"
"Now, young ladies," said Mr. Ross,
throwing his, half-smoked cigar out of
the window, "I'll tron?lo you to be a
little less unceremonious !"
For Alice and.Flora had pounced on
his sheets of loose manuscript like
honey bees on abed of heliotrope, and
were laughing over tho rather iliogible
chirography. Miss Fernalt stood
near the door, a little conlused and
very pretty, in her blushes and uncer
"Don't bo cross, Kenneth," said
Flora. "We'ro going down to the
post office now. Rosa Fer nail has
written a twelve-page letter to her
sweetheart out in Canada-"
"Flora !" exclaimed Kosa.
"And," pursued the relentless
Flora, "we're going to post it. Come,
And Mr. Ross was left alono with
tho heavy musk roses nodding at tho
open casement and tho dreamy mur
mur of maple boughs and far-off bees
in his ear.
"A twelve-pago letter to her sweet
heart !" ho pondered. "She must havo
had something very interesting to
write. Canada, eh? I wish it waB
Van Tiemen's Land !"
Mr. Ross rose from his easy-chair,
and began to walk UD and down the
"It's too confounded hot to breathe
here!" he said, impatiently taking up
his hat. "I'll go and tako a "ramp in
Flora Edgeworth had succeeded in
planting a rankling thorn in her cous
in's breast, all unconscious though she
The sun was low in tho sky when
Kenneth returned from his abstracted
ramble in the woods, and the wide,
old-fashioned country house was very
still as ho ascended toward his own
Mr. Ross gazed vacantly round the
room with t-ouictbiug of tho bewil
dered feeling that might have be
longed to the Eastern Prince when he
found himself transported from pole
to pole in an cuchanted dream.
"I'm in thc wrong room, I believe
-for there is Flora Edgeworth'** light
wrap on the bed, and Rosa's hat and
no end of ribbons and gloves and lace
collars on the bureau."
Ho balanced tho coquettish little
"hat" on his hand.
"So this is the fashionable style of
chapeau, eh? I wonder now whether
Rosa's hat would fit me !"
Mr. Ross adjusted the article
jauntily on ono side of his curls, and
viewed himself in the mirror.
"Upon my word, it don't look so
bad! And now where's the sacque?
A little tight in tho sleeves, but other
wise quito a decent fit if a fellow holds
hi.? arms well back. There's Alice's
blue muslin dress. I've two minds and
ft half to put it on, just for thc joke of
A momentary silence ensued, broken
by the rustling of muslin.
"Don't meet round thc waist by a
good six inches, but I eau hold it up.
I wonder what makes tho thing drag
on the floor and cling round one's
legs so! Oh, I know-the crinoline
ought to go under !"
"I'm not certain but that I should
make quite a nice looking woman,"
mused Kenneth, strutting backward
and forward before the mirror. "On
the whole-Tomb of tho Prophet! is
that the girls?"
Mr. Ross gave a blindly desperate
jerk ot his "sacque," and a pull at the
crinoline : but all in vain. The gay
voices, intermingled here and there
with a ringing laugh, or a snatch of
song, drew nearer and nearer. For
an instant Mr. Ross wildly contem
plated a rush through thc hall to his
own door, but a moment's reflection
convinced him that such a retreat
would be impossible.
"I must s tay and face it out!" he
thought, "but hold on! there's the
closet. It's just posssble they will
only stay hero a minuto or two.
And totally oblivious of the "maj
esty of man," he .flod precipitately
into the closet.
"Why the deuce didn't I think to
secure the key?" ho thought, as the
girls streamed into the room. "How
ever, lean hold on to the door-handle
if any ono attempts to get in. By
Jove, if the girls should soe me in this
rig, I should never hear tho last of it."
He leaned against the shelves, and
breathlessly awaited the progress of
"Why !" ejaculated a soft voice
Rcsa's own-"where's my hat? Was I
carolcs3 enough to leave it down
stairs? Flora, you have hidden it."
"I wonder what you'll accuse mo of
next!" said Flora, in an injured voice.
.'You told Mr. Ross that Cousin
Simon's letter was to-to"
"Your sweetheart ! Well, he ought
to be, I'm sure. He is tho handsom
est young man I know."
"Oh, Flora ! he don't coif.pare with
"Rosa, be honest," said Flora,
"which do you liko best-Cousin Ken,
or Simon Montrose?"
"Tell mc now, honestly.'
The answer carno in a low, half in
Thc heart nuder Alice's sacqne gavo
a great jump ! Mr. Ross's head carno
in contact with something on the up
per 6hclf, and down came a rain of
band boxos on his occiput !
There was an instant's terrified
silence, and then all the girls began to
scream in chorus.
"How silly we all are!" said Rosa
sremulonsly ; "it's only tho cat."
"As if a cat could make such a
noise as that!" said Flora. "Cull
Uncle John? Alice, do look and see
what it is !"
"No--you look!" faltered Alice.
"I'll look myself," said Rosa Fern
all, bravely advancing to the rescue.
But when the door-handle refused to
turn, even sho blanched.
"Some ono is holding the door in
side. Call the men !"
"There is no necessity," quoth a
voico from behind tho panels, and thc
next moment tho door flew open, dis
closing a tall form in blue, and a
countenance whose utter sheepishness
eau never bo described !
"Cousin Ken !" shrieked Flora.
"Mr. Ross!" faltered Miss Fernall.
"Why, it can't be possible !" ejacu
And then the three girls clung to
each other in paroxysms of laughter.
"The fact is, ladies," commenced
Kenneth confusedly, "1- Won't some
ono help msolT with this rnouie-trap?
Miss Ali20, I'm very sorry I've split
your sacque, but- Well, if you won't
stop laughing I can't explain, that's
the loug and tho short of it!'
But Rosa Ferna!! had stopped
laughing already, and thc pink ot her
cheeks was deepening into scarlet.
She had just remembered tho words
carelessly apokeu not iivo minutes
In an inexplicably short space of
timo Mr. Ross had torn off his femi
nine adornments, and fled ignomini
ously, followed by peals of laughter
of his cousin and Alice Aymer. Rosa
-strange piece of contradiction- had
began to cry !
' 'Poor 1 it tie tb i ng ! she's hysterical, "
said Aunt Meg, who had just appearod
on tho scene.
But Rosa was not hysterical.
The full, delicious moon of summer
was in the raid-heaven that night, as
Kenneth Ross strolled i uto the garden
moodily puiiiug at a cigar, and con
templating the leasibility of leaving
Warburgh to avoid tho gtrls' sarcasm.
"I was a fool," said ho aloud; "but
- Who's there?"
It was Rosa, coming from the lower
part of tho garden. By tho full brill
iant moonlight he saw tho traces of
tears on her cheek.
"Rosa, you have been crying !"
"No, I haven't !" And to prove the
truth of her assertion, Rosa bogan to
"Look here, Rosa," said tho young
man gravely, "I have been thinking of
leaving Warburgh to-morrow."
Rosa cried ou.
"But," pursued Mr. Ross, "I'll stay
if-if-you'll only tell me to my faco
what you told my cousin when I was
hidden away liko a foolish rat in a
trap, Rosa. Speak, little one!"
"What shall I tell you?" faltered
"That you love me! that you will
be ray wife !"
And she told him so--in the lan
guage lovers best like to hear. And
Mr. Ross stayed in Warburg, and
braved the ridicule of Alice and Flora,
with little Rosa marshalled on his
side- New York News.
Loaded Him With Change.
A street car conductor told a good
story about a raan who tried to fool
him. This passenger was aware that
the conductor had but a few dollars in
chango in his pocket on the first trip
every morning. So two mornings in
succession this passenger tendered a
55 bill. Tho conductor let him ride
gratis. Next morning the conductor
was loaded ior him, but tho man with
tho big bill didn't appear. Bui, tho
next morning he was on hand with his
bill and tho conductor acoepted it.
He handed the man $2 in coppers, $1
iu nickels, aud tho rest in dimes. But
he is sorry ho did it, for tho passenger
has the coppers piled up at home aud
takes ten of them with him. Tho con
ductor gets tbem.- Lowell (iVlass.)
Twenty-one Children iu Twenty Years.
Worcester has many familios of
from eight to fifteen children, but so
far as heard from, Franois Fervais, a
carpenter, holds the palm. Gervais
has tho distinction of being the father
of twenty-four children, twenty-one
little blessings having come to him
and his wife, Louise, in twenty years
of married life. Only niue of these
survive, the others having died in in
fancy. The nino are rugged-looking
children, and they make the little
homo ou Oak Hill resound with thoir
hearty sports. Their names and egos
are as follows: Frank, ?ged eighteen;
Arthur, seventeen; Roch, fourteen;
Henry, ten; Louise, nine; Eugene,
five; Edward, four; Eva, three years,
and Albert, nineteen months.-Wor
cester (Mase,) Te legra iv,
WOKPS OF WISDOM.
Lore is the poetry of the sensea.
Love hegiras too well to end well.
What a husband forbids a wife de
All bow to virtue and then walk
The morals of tho world are only
The worst of all misalliances is that
of the heart.
Love is the .beginning, middle and
end of everything.
Whoever has learned to love has
learned to be silent.
Tber? is no grime of chance more
hazardous than mnrriage.
Thc world ceases to b9 a pleasure
when it ceases to be a speculation.
It is hard to convince a pessimist
that there are any chestnuts that do
not have worms in them.
You never know how much you have
always loved a maa until yon seo him
achieve a great triumph.
There ought to bo more people who
know by experience that it is more
blessed to give than to receive.
Men are lost not so much from doing
tho notoriously wron?;, as from neg
lecting to do the obviously right.
Some men love a girl for herself,
some lovo her for her wealth, some
love her because they can't help it.
He that gathereth in summer is a
wise son ; but he that sleepeth in the
harvest is a son that canseth shame.
The man who sits himself down on
the road to success and waits for a
ride will never reach his destination.
Areal thoroughbred boy's definition
of a sissy boy is ono who will go
through a gate when thero is a fence
There are men who think they wind
up tho universe with tbeir watch key
every night, forgetting that this is a
The ants are a people not strong,
yet they prepare their meat in the
summer; tue conics arc but a feeble
folk, yet they make their houses in
the rocks; the locusts have no king,
yet go forth all of them by bands.
He Ale Ute I'lsio'.
Tho boys aro telling a rather good
story on a Fargo citizen and police
officer, which runs something in this
wise : The citizen had purchased a
candy revolver for his little boy,
which closely resembled a genuino 1
weapon. Last night ho was in the
ladies' waiting room at tho Northern
Pacific awaiting the arrival of No. 2,
smoking a cigarette. It's against the
rules to smoko in this room, and when
the officer stopped in he detected tho
smell of smoke, and after sizing np
the crowd finally located the citizen
calmly smoking away.
"Hero," said the offijer, "if you
want to smoke you'll have to go out
"Don't talk to me that way," re
plied tho cigarette smoker, "or I'll
blow you full of holes." As ho said
this he drew the candy weapon from
his pocket nnd leveled it at tho office^
The candy was wrapped in tin foir;
and looked like a sure enough revol
ver. Thc crowd, at least, took no
chances. Convinced that there was
going to bo a shooting and that a
"copper" or somebody was going to
be killed, thnro wa^ a nnanimous de
sire among the bystanders not to wit
ness tho slaughter of the devoted
guardian of tho peace. Evoryone
made an attempt at the same time to
roach the door. Several might have
been injured if the prompt action of
the police officer ha 1 not prevented
the panic that seemed imminent. Se"""
seized the citizen's right arm and
pushed it up and back so that if the
candy revolver was discharged it
would bo in tho air. Then he shouted:
"You are under arrest!" and led him
ont into the hallway, which was 60on
crowded. The citizen still held the
c:mdy revolver, which looked formid
able enough in tho dim light. He
seemed to have lost his bold front and
was trembling with fear. In faltering
tones he said: "Don't put me under
arrest. I would rather eat this revol
ver than be locked up in a poli?a
"Well," said tho officer, half in
jest, "yon eat that revolver, and I'll
let you go."
"All right," he returned, and to the
amazement of every one, including the
ollicer, he put the barrel into his
mouth and bit off a large section. Bo
fore tho crowd recovered froai its sur
prise the trigger had dis ippeared from
view and by the timo tho officer dis
covered that he had been tho victim of
a joke tho revolver had been eaten.
Fargo (North Dakota) Forum.
One More Insatiate.
Science is an exacting taskmaster,
and he who serves must be ever ready
to give up time, talents, hope, ambi
tion, even life itself at tho beck and
call of tho tyrant. The search for tho
North Pole has cost many lives .and
more treasure, and yet there is no lack
of enthusiasts who are ready to take
up the work whero the last victims
had laid it down. The latest idea is
to explore this region by means of a
balloon, which 6eems quite the most
visionary and hopeless of all of the
mauy fruitless efforts that have been
made in that direction. The effect of
intenso cold on the gas in the balloon,
the possibility ol blinding storms, the
impossibility of getting out of irouble
in case of accident, and the certainty
that no roscuing hand could reach the
party, as no ono would know where to
lind them, should all be considerod.
It may bo among the possibilities of
science to store gas under prossure
aud at such a low temperature that an
amount could be provided sufficient to
bridge over any emergency that might
arise ;but in tasks of this kind thero is
so much to bo looked out for and
guarded against that only a tempera
ment of tho most elastic and daring
description would think of going into
it. The history of explorations is
punctuated witb horrors and tragedies
and fringed with thu bones of martyrs
to science This, however, is no bar
to future investigations, and there is
not the slightest difficulty in filling up
thc ranks when tho order comes to go
forward.-New York Ledger.
Onyx nnd Pel rilled Wood.
Probably every visitor to the Co
lumbian Exhibition spent some timo
in admiring tho beautiful specimens,
of onyx and petrified wood shown on
that never-to-bo-forgotten occasion.
Of late thore have been some exceed
ingly fine slabs of this material worked
out and used in wainscotings in hand
some dwellings, lt is said by an ex
pert that in Utah are the finest onyx
fields in the known world, and that
the largest slabs ever cut out have
been taken from qunrries in thal
State. Petrified wood is being used
in manufactures of various sorts
table-tops, panels, sections for man
tels, brackets and similar pieces aro
brought out and used with exoellent
effect, -New York Ledger, '.j
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
Tho City Girl and tho Cow-A
ing It, Etc Etc.
And tho girl .with tho city flavor,
To the country takes herfllght,
To ask as shyly as yesteryear,
li the dreadful cows will bite.
A ntrEND'S ADVICE.
The Tenor-"It's very hard to koop
the wolf from the door."
"Why don't you try singing to it ?"
A CHANGA FOR THE BETTER.
Dick-"Well, the heiress has ac
cepted Brown. He says ho feols as if
ho was walking on air."
Harry-"That's better than living
on it. "---Puck.
Mistress-Bridget, I have a now bell
that I want you to ring at meal times."
Bridget---''Shure, ma'am, how kin
Oi, when I have to wait ou the table. "
Jess- "Here comes that disagreeable
Jack-"Don't you like her?"
Jess-"I hate her; sometimes when
wo meet I don't even kiss her !"-Puck.
"Are you happily married?"
"I-I guess so. Tho extravagance
of his protestations of affection for
me just about equal his economy in
buying dresses."-Indianapolis Jour
A SOFT SPOKEN* SPOUSE.
Mrs. Knaggcr-"You are utterly
heartless; that's what yon are!"
Mr. Knagger-"X told you I lost my
heart the first timo I saw you ; but
you'd never believe mc."-Boston
"I presume, then, that on yon rests
the responsibility for referring to my
daughter Pattie as 'Fattie.' ""-Indian
WITH A RESERVATION.
"Who is the master of this house?"
asked the agent of the mau who an
swered his ring.
"Well," was thc cautious responso,
in a resigned tone, "I am the husband
and father. "-Life.
Friend-"I'm told that most pre
scriptions cost little or nothing to
Druggist-"Yes; but we charge for
decipheringthe penmanship and trans
laiiag the Latin."-Pack.
A sEXMirrn: SAHTJ.
Mis3 Passe-"3o you aro r????yT?*?
rtistl I adore art!"
De Auber-"Then I suppose you
paint, yourself, a little?"
Miss P. (drawing herself up)--"I
think you are awfully rude, Mr. De
"I thought you had sailed for
Europe on important business," said
ihe New Yorker to the Chicagoan.
"Naw !" replied the latter, in a tone
Df disgust ; "when I got to the dock I
found , that the name of the steamer
was the St. Louis and I postponed my
trip for a week."-Brooklyn Eigle.
The Judge-"Have you any reason
;o offer why sentence should not be
pronounced upon you?"
The Prisoner-"I ain't got much to
say, but it's right to tho pint. When
I shot the feller, I was only doin' it
for fun ; an' hero you fellers are
wantin' to hang in cold-blooded malice,
so you are."-Indianapolis Journal.
A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY.
Police Inspector-"It was very
plucky of you, ma'am, to have set
upon the burglar and BO ably captured
him, but need you have injured him to
the extent of necessitating his removal
to a hospital?"
Lady-"How did I know it was a
burglar? I'd been waiting up for
three hours !or my husband ! I thought
it was him.'-'-Comic Cuts.
EAST WINDOW -DRES3ING.
Applicant-"I eeo you advertiso for
Dry Goods Merchant-"Yes, sir.
Have you had much experirnoe?"
"I arranged the window display in
the store I worked in last, and every
woman who passed stopped and looked
"That's something like. You're just
the man wo want. By the way, what
line was your firm in?"
"Mirrors."-New York Weekly.
FOR LACK OF GOLD.
Lover (in whisper, 'neath window)
-"Aro you ready to lower yourself
Isabel E. Loper-"Quite ready."
Lover-"Havo you got every
Isabel E. L.-"Yes; everything but
papa's pocketbook; I couldn't find it
Lover (dejectedly)-"Alas ! For ob
vious reasons wo shall be obliged to
postpone our departure."-Boston
RIGHT IN HIS LINE.
Tho Btreet car was crowded, and as
it turned a corner sharply a man who
was standing in the aislo mado a
grab at a 6trap, but missed it and in
voluntarily embraced a sharp-faced
young woman standing near him.
"Oh, I beg your pardon !" ho said.
"Sir!" she exclaimed "you aro a
"No, madame," rejoined thc peni
tent offender, "I nm not. I am a
"You are, hey?" was the contemp
tuous rejoinder. "What do you know
about a newspaper office, I'd Uko to
"I am the pressman. '
The sharp-faced >oung woman
turned a little redder, but she didn't
say anything more. -Chicago Tri
A Curious Cu dom.
A Soudau slave has the righi to so
lect a master more to his liking. To
be safe from recapturo tho bondsman
has only to escape by night and snip
a bit of cartilage from the ear of the
new proprietor,-.^W^shJngton Star.
A Hungry Alligator's (?nick Luncheon.
Ever since last winter the Zoo has
been closed and locked up, and during
all that time the big fif toon-foot 'gator,
which makes his home in one of the
miniature lakes, has had to shift for
himself for something to eat. During
the last few weeks hunger must haye
worried the old fellow, and in the
dead hours of the night he told the
neighbors of it and startled them, as
well, by his loud bellowing, which
sounds like a cross between the
trumpeting of an elephant and tho
roaring of a lion. During the last few
nights there has been no bellowing,
The explanation of his silence is that
he has boen fed. Ho has feasted on
the daintiest morsel that ever tickled
a 'gator's palate. For some time there
has hung around the electric light and
water works plant a mangy dog. Tho
employes wished for tho dog catcher
to come around, but as he was busy
elsewhero they concluded to dispose
of the dog humanely and make thc
'gator happy. So they collared tho
dog and threw him to the'gator, which
was taking a nap in thc middle of tho
The dog gave a frightened "Yep!
yep!" as ho spied tho saurian, and
swam toward shoro with a speed that
fairly cnn tho water. Tho 'gator
blinked his eyes in astonishment and
seeinod to ask himself if ho had beon
dreaming. Two (lips of his tail and
he had moved with tho speed of a rac
ing ?hell up to the dog, the immense
jaws opened, the lower jaw slid nuder
thc dog like a scoop-net, down came
the upper jaw, a suppressed yelp from
tho dog aud a smile of ineffable hap
piness from the 'gator and all wa3
over, so far as tho dog was concerned.
Tho old fellow, however, did not
seem to bo satisfied, for ho swam all
around tho pond looking for moro
dogs. Finding none, he returned to
his siesta with au eye blinking open
every now and then and a glance up
ward to see if thc same thing wero go
ing to be repeated.-Jacksonville
She was gotting on backwards, and
tho cable car started too suddenly, so
sho fell off into tho dusty street, soil
ing her raiment, bumping her head
and ruffling her temper terribly.
As she was stout, red-faced, elderly,
and claimed to be a cousin of an of
ficer of the road, tho conductor was,
or professed to be, much in terror of
her, and as he really had rung the beti
a trifle too soon he boro her abuse
calmly. He was manifestly glad when
she ceased talking at him and fell to
brushing off her dress with her pocket
handkerchief, and his face, as he went
back to the rear platform, wore a dis
tinct look of relief. But presently
tho stout woman discovered a rent in
her skirt, and this fact added to her
wrath. The conductor had gono for
ward to tho grip car and sho felt a
great desire to rail at somebody, so
sho turned to tho man who sat beside
Tho man made no answer and only
moved a littlo further along the seat.
It was a summer car and all tho other
seats were filled, eo ho was obliged to
stay where he was or go to tho plat
form, and presently some newcomers
forced him to sit near her onco more.
..After a moment or so of frowning si
lcuie spent in examining that awful
tear InTi^T^oain^t urned to him and in
quired why ho ?ar>?s?t_had the man
ners and sense to catch her as sh'
"It was impossible, madame," he .
answered quietly, although his face
flushed under her visible contempt and
the inquiring glances cast at him by
the other passengers who had wit
nessed ths catastrophe, and she rudely
queried: "Why, I'd like tc know?"
For answer ho looked down at the
arm which had been nearoet tho out
side of the car, and tho woman was si
lent and tho other passengers sym
pcthetio as their eye3 followed his for
the sleeve was empty from tho shoub
der. -New York Recorder.
A Silver Skull.
Tho police of Quincy, 111., havo ar
rested George Burns aud detained
him on account of his peculiar actions.
It was discovered that thora was a
causo for his eccentricity. He had
papers which showed that ho was thc
head engineer on tho steamer City of
Savannah, which was wrecked oil* the
coast of Massachusetts on January 18,
188L while en route from Boston lo
Florida. He was reversing tho lever
when the steamer struck tho rocks,
and he was thrown into the mrchinery,
receiving injuries which crippled him
There wero 118 lives lost in the ac
cident, and Burns is one of the thirty
seven survivors. For a long whilo ho
lay on a cot in the death row of Belle
vue Hospital, New York. Dr. Hayes
Agnew attended his case and removed
five ribs from his left side and tre
phined his skull, usiug six ounces of
silver sheeting for this purposo. Ho
was compelled to wear a plaster of
paris jacket for four year3 aftor tho
A portion of the lower end of his
spine aud both elbow joiuts aro gono.
One knee cap is ou tho back of tho
leg, and his heart is on tho extremo
right side of the body. Ho is now
sixty-four years of age, and walks
very well and has a cheerful disposi
tion. He is a member of the G. A. E.,
and served during the war on tho
ironclad gunboat Essex, which was
stationed at Cairo during tho early
days of tho Rebellion. - St. Louis
Lost a Leg.
A dispatch from Rochester. N. Y.,
relates that Edwiu B. Chapin and
Samuel Bradley, the latter a cripple
with a wooden leg, wero riding iu
Genesee Valley Park, the other day,
when a passing bicycle frightened tho
horse and itrau away. Tho buggy was
tipped over, both occupants were
thrown out, and Mr. Bradley's wooden
leg was caught between tho spokes and
wrenched off. When Mr. Chapin re
covered consciousness ho found him
self with his head iu the hip of a lady
who had witnessed tho accident and
had rushed to his assistance. Another
sympathetic lady had the wooden leg
of Bradley, who was lying some dis
tance from Chapiu, and tho two were
trying to adjust tho artificial rueinber
to Chapiu'sperson. In the moautime
somo ono had discovered Bradley and
sent for the ambulance, stating that a
man had had his leg cut off ia a run
away acciden'.-New Orleans Pica
yune. _ _
Gold .Mining in Maine,
Not a few people in Maine make at
least a living hy gold mining. Gold
is found iu many parts of tho State,
but in small quantities or under such
circumstances as to maka systematic
mining unprofitable. A "miner" liv
ing near Byron brought into Lewiston
a few days ago a nugget of gold weigh
ing over an ounce. Ho makes two to
three dollars a day gold mining.--New
Highest of all in Leavening Poi
The cultivai ion of sun flowers fur
their seeds, which are fed to the poul
try, is said to be on the incfooao in
Pennsylvania, the country of lino farms
and economical, prosperous farmers.
As long ago as 182G tho following
notice of the value of the sun flower
appeared in a Charleston publica
Native Oil-Finer, sweeter oil, no
country can supply than what we oau,
with littlo trouble and expense, pre
pare for ourselves. The tall annual
sun flower will prove this, its seeds
bruised and pressed yield an oil ai sweet
and as fine as that wo import from
Florence. From a bushel of this seed
a gallon of oil may be drawn and with
thia advantage, that it can bo obtained
at any time, quito soft, bland and
fresh. The seed also and mass tint
remain, after the expression of tho oil,
arc of excellent u^eto feed and fodder
hogfi, poultry, etc. But besides all
Ih'.'se uses, tho . growing plaut is of
eminent service, it having been proved
that nair twenty times CH much puro
depclogisticated air is exhaled from
one plaut in twenty-four hours, in
light and clear weather, as a mau res
pires in a vitiated and impure state in
that spaco of time. Hence tho inhabi
tants of close, ill-aired and unwhole
some places should be diligent in its
Tho house had been aroused by a
burglar. Mr. Jones saw a man with a
mabk going through the pockets of his
pantaloons, and as quick as thought ho
shot at him, tho intruder making good
"Why," said Mrs. Jones, thoroughly
awake, "what did you scare mo for?"
"I f-aw a man robbing my pockets,
and tired nt kim."
"Well, ho didn't got anything," said
"How do on know?"
"Oh, I tried 'em myself before we
went to bcd."-Adams Freeman.
Jim: How ic Don ic I* Not clio Question.
Ii i < enouzli lo know that Hindercorns i ul;cs
?nt . orin, and u jrro't re let* ll ij. 13 .. rlruggiittir.
Both the method and results when
Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant
!*!?4-r?fre6hing to the taste, and acts
?enLly y^t^promptly on the Kidneys,
/iver and ?Crsels, cleanses the sys
tem effectually, disocia, colds, head
aches and fevers and cures habitual""
constipation. Syrup of Figs ia the
only remedy of its kind ever pro
duce?.., pleasing to the taste and ac
ceptable to the stomach, prompt in
its action and truly beneficial in its
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances, its
many excellent qualities commend it
to all and have made it the most
popular remedy known.
Syrup of Figs is for sale in 50
cent bottles by all leading drug
gists. Any reliable druggist who
may not have it on hand ?will pro
cure it promptly for any one who
wishes to try it. L)o not accept any
CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO.
SAN FRANCISCO, CAL.
LOUISVILLE. KY. NEW YORK. N ?.
to the women
they see a woi;
way with s oa
?*" \] out over th
I ine -women
' seems to "v
P"Egr-r-jT -rj- qjr v Tg^gr v wp ^ Jg-y^
HIGH GRADE IN EVEEY I
HAVK YOUK MECHANICAL FRIE
to show tho work and material to men w
Wo stake our busbies* reputation o
wheel uiude in the world than tho Lovel
Warran tod lu every respect. All pri
Cataloyuo free. ?-Ir there is no agent
.Ha nu fact ure re
ARHS, BICYCLES AIS
JOHN P. LOY]
147 Washington St-,
181 Rroad Nr.
* S AAA* AAAil
are made to produce larc
use of Fertilizers rich in
Write for our "Farmers' Guic:
is brim full of useful information fo
?ill make and save you money. I
ver.-Latest U. S. Gov't Report
World's Production of Money Meta ls.
The New York World say?: "The
world's production of gold and silver
for 1804: has been compiled by "Rich
ard P. Bothwell, edidor of the F-n
ginecring and Mining Journal. lh>
result, shows that a little over eight
een times more silver than gold was
mined-5,205,065 kilos os against
280,146. The increase in the proa ac
tion of gold ($27,219,438) was not as
great as was expected, the output of
the Transvaal reaching only 60,707
kilos ($4'\34G,000;) but the produc
tion for 1895 will ho ranch greater.
The decrease in the production of sil
ver (134,681 kilos) was caused hy the
fall in the average price of silver from
78 cents per ounco in 1893 to 62 cents
in 1894. Tho decrease in tho commer
cial value of the year's production was
?28,812,087, in a total of only $105,'
429,031. There were several serions
errors in tho different mint reports of
last month, which Mr. Rothwell has
corrected, and his revision from offi
cial and original sources may ho con
LEAVE5 ITS HARK
-every one of thc painful irregularities
and weaknesses that prey upon women.
They fade thc face, waste the figure, ruin
thc temper, wither you up, make you old
before your time.
Get well: That's the way to look well.
Cure the disorders and ailments that beset
you, with Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescrip
It regulates and promotes all the womanly
functions, improves digestion, enriches the
blood, dispels aches and pains, melancholy
and nervousness, brings refreshing sleep,
and restores health and strength.
TO AVOID THIS TJSEI
Tbs oNT.T painless and hi mit??
rconx for the ir ?.nt type of Eon.iu,
Tetter. Ringworm, ngly roach patea
en on Ihn face, crusted adp.
Ground itch, chafes, chaps, pix*
rici. Poison from irj or poison oak.
? short ALL rrenxa. Send Wo. tai
Hf 11-., in or oneil to J, T. Siiuptrina,
Ssrannah, Uv. for one box. lt your
druggist don't keep lt.
SECURED BY STUDENTS
I Dili I'M l'll?iO IJupjJi?t
Richmond's Commercial college,
I: nt nl> ; Inii cd 1884.
?end for Catalogne. SAVANNAH, GA,
School of Sliortliand
AU???STA. GA. . M .
No text books ns-rd. Aitail boniness from diy of
mtnrinc. Un-imis Oriner*. colloga carr-nor and
good* u ed. Sm I for hmdtomeiy illustrated citv
iogue. Coard cbaap. R. R. taro paid to Augusta.
TYBKK ISLAND, GA.
T!ii- Hotel 1s noted for its esculent nersian and
pp ' ii lid cu .line, ill . t&b'.-i boinia m?p:> ind with nil tba
/e ic-icim the mar<ut afford .. An abundant sappi; of
fish, cr di?, -hr ir.ji, etc. Loan's Ano oro'ie-rtr? en
pne'itl for season. Specially low rate? this n'aion.
Write for terms. Speciil inducements to parrie* of
tenormoie. ItOIIAN .?& COWAN.
Are not .'ill en ie- To seo tho wonderful Atlanta Ex
tinitiun this fill ?ann? of th . (trent things of a life time.
The civiiizeJ world will bi then-. We hive arranged to
take lilt) ni our G-'orjtia Raltt-ni-n there, at our own ex
t>eti*\ during the ni..nth' . f S-wt-mb r. October and
Korembt-r. O r booie, .TRUMPET BLAS IS," is the
gre.ite;tfcellrrnnd moH atl ractv* book un th* market
E. B. Smith. .Ir-. Ja-wrO >., Gi-, ropo:ts 42 ordern in
i-ov-n darn. !.*. J. K wier, P.k-C>.. Ga., ieoo ta 33or
ders in Mt ?lay.. .Send for u I m'or.nat inn. >Ol,'TM
W K>TKKN ? Ul*!.ISHIM; lt OUSE. No.
'208 North Co!.???' Sf.. Na-li villi-. Trim.
Oars'it end lx?ait!fici Ute hair.
Promotes a Injuriant growth.
ire ?cr Fal lo to Beatons Or?y
a, Hair to Its youthful Color,
'-st Cure: rriilp di.?rai-s & hair tailing.
y< jfr. ?ml; I .'."J at nruyybl?
A. N. U.Thirty-one, '9J.
TJ it looks,
who wash with Pearline, when
nan washing in the old-fashioned
p-rubbing the clothes to pieces,
ay her strength; wearing herself
e washboard ! To these Pearl
, fresh from easy washing, she
..ear a fool's cap unawares."
rything's in favor of Pearline
sier work, quicker work, better
work, safety, economy. There's
ot one thing against it. What's
die use of washing in the hardest
av, when it costs more money? *?
ENTS, IIOHTESI WEIGHTS I
IND oxamlng these machlnoa, os wodeslro
.ho know what good work li.
f over fifty years tbat Ibero la no better
cos, slzos and weights. Call and seo thom.
In j-ottr pl:?eo wrlle us.
and Jobbers In
D SPORTING GOODS.
ELL ARMS CO.,
- BOSTON, Mass.
?.er and better crops by the
le," a 142-page illustrated book. It
r farmers. It will be sent free, and
KAU WORKS, oj Kims Strttt, Ksv York.