Newspaper Page Text
M NATIONAL B?NK?lFftU&USTA L. C.HAYXE, Fres't. F. G. FORD, Cashier. Capital, ?250,000. Undivided Profils } $110,000. Facilities of our uiaeniflcent New Vault containing .410 Safety-Lock Boxes. Differ ent Sizes are cflorod to our patrons and tho public at $3.C0 t- $10.00 por annum. THOS. J. ADAMS PROPRIETOR. TUE PLASTERS SAVINGS BANK. AUGUSTA, QA. Pays Interest on Deposits, Accounts Solicited. L. C. HAYNX, President. W. C. WASDLAW, Cashier. VOL. LXIV. NO. 15. THE C1FT When sorrow comes with waiting breath, And sinks.beneath its weight of years, Nor Ands that hope eua save from "death. God gives the blessed gift of tears. Ii gladness floods the heart and brain. And passion born of ?ovo appears Till pleasure almost kisses pain, God gives the blessed gift of tears. AN A RIZON i BY COSMOS 1 was sitting in my tent one after noon in November absorbed in some mathematical calculations connected with my work, whan I heard a tre mendous splashing in the river a few Eiundred yards below, followed by shots and yells and the sound of gal loping horses. A moment later four men rode into coup like a whirlwind. Loud erie-, of "vVhere is he?" "Don't iet him gsfc away!" "Who's got the rope?" gave mp au inkling of what ihey were after. They wanted mo. The camp was a lary-? one, aud gen erally there were ??gut or ton white men and forty or fifty Indians about; but this happened to bo a holiday,and all the men had gone away except my tent mate, Barton, and myself. We xvere building some large irrigating ditches, and I had come out to take ?charge of the wovk only a short timo before. I had found it necessary to discharge a number of th'e' men and . replace them by others. Only tte <3ay before I had had trouble with ore ?af the men, Leonardby name. He went a little too far. and I kno.ked him down. As ho arose he picked up a heavy club and carno at me with it, bat throwing np my lefthand to guard my head I caught the blow on it and knocked him down again with my right. That settled the matter,I sup posed, for the fellow went off to his tent, swearing roundly and calling for a gun with which to clean ont the .camp. . Hut waen I heard the splashing at the ford 1 remembered the incident of the day before, and on the instant it flashed into my mind that' I had no weapon of any kind aud that I might need ona. I slipped ont quickly, and running down to a tent near tba end of the line I siized a revolver aud belt of cartridges which I knew, wore there and was back when the men rode up. ? remained in my tant while the mea dismounted aud tied their horses together. Leonard appeared to be the leader of the gang, for I heard him . say:" .' .. \\ . "Look here, boys, I'm the captain of this outfit, and you've got to do just what I tell you. "We'll do all that wi> came down here to do b -'fore - wo leave; you must leave it to nie." "All right," responded another. "We're here for fun." "We'll have our fun all right," re plied Leonard. "Come into my tent and talk it over. You, Miller, stay here with the horses and watch that tent there so he can't get away." Leaving one of their number out side with "the horses uudsr the big tree, the men went into the tent next to mine. They had all beeu drinking, and as I waa separated from them only by two thin cauvas walls and twenty feet of space-, their conversa tion was easily audible. The conversation I heard was amus ing, even under the circumstances. Leonard was laying out the program to be followed aud telliug his com panions what a "worthless cuss" I was, the burden of his accusations being that I wore white shirts iu camp and was "a long-legged cuss from the east. " The man left on guard outside I Anew; he was one of our own men. While the talking wa3 going on in the next tent he came in to see me aud to explain that ho had been forced to como down with the others against his will. He added that if I wished to get away he would make no effort to stop me. My plan wai to run out just as the rifle was fired and bringiug down the mau who had it, for I could hardly miss him at twenty feet distance, get in one more shot as the others crowded to the door and were well bunched to gether and thou break for the big tree, from behind which as a shelter I would stand as good a chance as two men in the open. Filling my coat pocket with loose cartridges aud taking my revolver in my right hand, I was ou the point of stepoiug outside aud opening the pro ceedings whon I hoard one of the men say: "That's no fun. Let's make him put up his fists borore we haig him; or, if he won't do that, we'll make him wade the river." "Thai's great," replied another. "We might as well have some fun out of him first. Come on." . Kemembering the old western maxim, "Xever show a gun until yon use it," I tucked my revolver into my vest so tba' it was out of sight, but with the butt not more than two inches from my hand as I held my pipe to ray mouth. I turned to Barton, who was trembling, and cautioning him to con trol himself I lighted ray pipe and re sumed ray stool near tho front of the tent. A moment later the cauvas door was thrust aside and a man entered, followed by two others. 'M?e first comer was a little fellow, slender and not much over five feet in height, but he bad a wicked look in his eyes and the face of a professional desperado. I learned alterward that h? was considered the "bad man" of the neighborhood. Behind him was, a big mau in a flannel shirt and no coat, with a .45 Colt tucked into the waistbaud of his trousers. He was a saloon keeper in a small town near by an t had provided tho "courage" for the expedition. Back of him came Leonard, his face inflamed with drink. I remained seated, wbi'e Barton backed cff.to the rear of the tent. The little fellow looked at me, and I looked at him. Neither spoke for a minute or more. Finally the suspense became too great; he shifted from one foot to the other and presented FU "h a picture of uneasiness that I laughed. At thighs recovered his self-possession aud-s.ud: "Ciood day! I haven't been intro duced to you; ray n ime is Cu ter. Leonard, introduce mo to thisgeutle OF TEARS. Though trouble rlse3 Gorgon-wise, Or bristles like a host of spears, And Nature staros with sphinx-like eyes, God gives tho blessed gift of tears. Where tigers roam, or sea birds call, Or where man wrestles with his years, In palace, wasto or cottage small, God gives the blessed gift of tears. A_ EPISODE, j man." Leonard yelled out my name, and Carter resumed: "We've come down with our friend Leonard here to see that he gets satisfaction for the way you've treated him. We've de cided that you'll either have to put up your dukes against all three of ?B or wade the river three timesi" "Very well," I replied. "In that case I will light. I expect you to act as my second and see that I have fair play. Draw a ring outside,aud I v/ill joiu you iu a moment." I knew that I would have to remove my coat aud vest, and I wished to get rid of my re volver without letting them see it. As they went out I turned to Bar ton and, to my consternation, found him the picture of abject fear. Put ting my revolver into the holster I handed it to him and told him to stand by the door with it when I went out, to closely watch the men during t> fight and if either of them raised hr., gun, or if more than one at a time at tacked rn?, to fire into the crowd, aud iu the confusion following the unex pected shot I would have an opportu nity to break for the tent, snatch the revolver from his bauds and from be hind the shelter of the big tree hold my own against them. Barton said he understood ard promised to- follow my instructions. Afterward I learned that as soon as I turned my back he dropped the pistol and ran ont into the bushes, where he hid himself. But not knowing this at the time I went out with coufideuce and stood up before Leonard in the ring. Leonard was almost exactly my height and weight, and as he stood be fore me stripped to a tight-fitting undershirt, trousers and moccasins, I could see the movement of his muscles as he put np his guard and made play with his bauds. He see ned no mean antagonist, and i .though'- aslexam iued him critically that ? would have to do my best, disabled as I wrfs, if I held my own in the coming struggle. But I noticed that his face was flushed with drink and excitemeut,aud in that I felt that I had an advantage. The ring had been drawn nearly in the centre of the open space; Carter and his companion stood a little to one side with'their pisiols in their bauds, "to see fair play," and they notified nie that if I made the slightest move which they considered unfair they would take a hand in the fight. Car ter came up and examined my clothing to see that I had no weapon. Then, turning to Leonard, ho said: "We'll see that you do him up," and a moment later asked him, "Are you ready?" By this time a number of Iudiaus pud Mexicans had appeared,' attracted by the sound of tho firing, aud they stood in little groups somo distance off, read}' to break away into tho bushes if pistol play recommenced. "Play ball!" shouted Carter, aud I advanced and put up my guard. Leon ard made a pass at me, but failed to laud. I had been r good boxer iu my boyhood days,aud the knowledge now stood me in good stead. While the sparring was going on I kept one eye on Carter and the big man. I was afraid that a straight knockout blow delivered by me would be tho signal for two pistol shots aud that Barton might not bo quick euough to fire first, I temporized, sparring lightly, uutil Carter called out: "Kick him, Leonard; kick the stuf fing out of him." "Hold on," I cried, "kicking is not allowed;" fori had been notified that "thi3 was to be a lau- fight, no rough and tumble." "Kicking is all right," rejoined Car ter ia a suily tone. This angered me, and as Leonard made another rush at me I met him half way, aud striking through his guard I landed my right full in his face. Leonard spun around and around and finally measured his length on the ground,fully twelve feet from where I stood. As he fell I whirled upon his two companions and cr:?d out, "One for me." "?es, that's one for you," replied Carter. "But it's my turn next." "Wait a moment," I replied. "I'm not through with Leonard yet, nor will I be until he has said he has had enough." "I've had enough," rejoined Leon ard, rising to his fee!. "It's Carter's turn now. Give me that gun, and if he hit3 you the way he hit me I'll blow his head off." "If Leonard has enough, so have I," was my reply. "I shall certainly not fight with men I never saw be fore." "Well, if you won't, you won't," he rejoined. "Let's^call it square." Joining the two men I moved with them toward the tent into which Leon ard was inst disappearing. I noticed one of our Iudiaus standing by the door, a magnificent specimen of a man, over six feet tall and a noted warrior. Apparently he had just ar rived, and I nodded to him as we carno up, for Ave were great friends. It did not occur to mc that there was any thing peculiar about his standing there at the door, but his experience was greater than mine-as the sequel will show. Just before we reached the tent,and when perhaps twelve feet away from it, one of the men stopped me a mo ment to emphasize s^nic remark, and as I turned again the canvas flap of the tent was thrust aside, and I fouud myself looking straight into the muz zle of a Winchester. As I looked tho little black hole seemed to grow and expand; all the interest of my life seemed centred in that spot. The perspiration started out on me, and it may be that my hair rose. I thought of a great, many things, but abo\e ?ill I remember I longed for something to happen-that black hole was maddening. The time seemed very long, but it could not have been mrre than a second when I saw flame leap from the muzzle of the gun. I heard the ball whiz over my shoulder; my Indian friend had seized | the muzzle of the rifle at the very mo ment when the trigger was pulled. Had he been but the fraction of a sec ond later some ono else would have had to tell this story. I had seemed under a spell as I gazed down into that little black hole, but the sight of the flame and the noise of the discharge restored me. I cleared the intervening space with a spring. As I came through the door like a wild duck on the wing I saw my India- friend and the fourth man of the gan0' struggling with Leonard. They had just, *n.ken tho rifle away from him, and a moment later ho broke down and became hysterical. The men assured me that the gun had been accidentally discharged, and although I knew better I accepted the explanation. Leonard's state was pit iable. He seized my hand aud press ing it convulsively between his owu again and again asked my pardon and wailed, "Why did you hit me so hard?" For over an hour we worked to sooll fl aud quiet him,and finally I saw them ail -nit of cami), ?ust as ft wagon filled witn our owu men returned. Barton also turned up a3 the wagon pulled in, and then I learned for the first time how frail my dependence on him had been.-New York Gommer* cial Advertiser. DEWEY AND VON DIEDERICH. The Hero of Itfnnila'n IMcssnire to the Meddlesome German Admiral. In the article "With Dewey at Manila," by Joseph L. Stickney in Harper's Magazine, the first detailed account of how our admiral put a stop to the ill-mannered behavior of tho Germans after the battle of Manila, is given as follows: Our courteous and courtly commo dore made no sign. He was waiting until he could put au end to the whole annoyance with one crushing blow. At last the opportunity came. He learned on unquestionable authority, that one of the German vessels had landed provisions iu Manila, thereby, violating neutrality. I was not pres ent when he seut his message to Ad miral von Diederich, and therefore I do not speak from personal knowledge concerning it; but I learned the facts from a perfectly authentic source, as follows: "Orderly, tell Mr. Brumby I would like to see him,'.' said Admira1 Dewey one forenoon. "Oh, Brumby," he continued,when the flag-lieutenant made his appear ance on the quarter-deck, 'T wish you to take the barge and go over to the German flagship. Give Admiral von Diederich my compliments, and say that I wish to call his attention to the fact that the vessels of his squadron, have shown an extraordinary disre gard of the usual courtesies, of uaval intercourse, and that finally one of them has committed a gross breach of neutrality in landing provisions in Manila, a port which I am blockad ing.'" Thc commodore's voice had been as low and as sweetly modulated as if he had been sending von ?Diederich an invitation to diu uer. When he stopped speaking, Brumby, who did not need any better indication of the commo dore's mood than the unusually formal and gentle manner of his chief, turi:ed to go, making the usual official salute, and replying with tho customary, "Ay, ay, sir." . "And, Brumby,"continued the Com modore, his voice rising and ringing with the intensity of feeling that he felt he had repressed about long enough, "tell Admiral von Diederich that if he wants a tight he can have it right now!" Brumby went with his message, and the commodore paced the quarter-deck in silence for a considerable time, evi dently working off some of tho high pressure that had brought forth this emphatic message to the German ad miral. The latter scut back tho ex traordinary reply that he had not known anything about these actions of his captains, and that they would J not be repeated. When one considers the rigidity of discipline thai is sup posed to exist in the German navy,tho character of Admiral von Diederich's apology is all the more incomprehen sible. QUAINT AND CURIOUS. Football was a crime in England during'the reign of Henry VIII. Calhoun county, Illinois, enjoys the peculiar distinction of not having a railroad, a telegraph, or a telephone line. The Indiaus of Paraguay eradicate their eyebrows and eyelashes, saying that they do not wish to look like horses. At Swedish weddings, among the middle classes, the bridegroom carries a whip. This is an emblem of his au thority in the domestic circle. A Berliner has asked tho permis sion or the local authorities to estab lish a public cemetery for pct auimals. He believes it would meet a long-felt want. Eokomo, Ind., has an extreme cur few ordinance, requiring all persons under eighteen years of age co be off the streets at. 8 p. m., nuder a pen alty of ten days in jail. Milan has a curiosity in a clock which is made entirely of bread. The maker is a native of India and he has devoted three years of his time to the construction of this cuiiosity. The olock is of respectable size and goes well. The inhabitants of the Andaman Islands are said to bo the smallesl race of people iu the world. The av erage height of a full grown Andaman is less than four feet, aud the anthro pological experts who recently visited them found but few that weighed over seventy-five pounds. Luke Levc-I Fijrnres. Lake level figures received for the past year by Secietary Keep of the Lake Carriers' association show that Lake Superior has been above its average for the past 12 years; Lakes Huron and Michigan one foot below the level of the last 2S years; Lake Elie holding he:- own. These reports conti: m the theory that rainfall alone determines tho lake 'eve', and that deepening channels has nothing to dc with it. - Detroit Free Press. M NATIONAL B?NK?lFftU&USTA L. C.HAYXE, Fres't. F. G. FORD, Cashier. Capital, ?250,000. Undivided Profils } $110,000. Facilities of our uiaeniflcent New Vault containing .410 Safety-Lock Boxes. Differ ent Sizes are cflorod to our patrons and tho public at $3.C0 t- $10.00 por annum. THOS. J. ADAMS PROPRIETOR. TUE PLASTERS SAVINGS BANK. AUGUSTA, QA. Pays Interest on Deposits, Accounts Solicited. L. C. HAYNX, President. W. C. WASDLAW, Cashier. VOL. LXIV. NO. 15. ill Get the Im Harmony and infirm people, cling j an almost worn ont that stand between one la fortune estimated at John Duss is the for and he bids fair soon to nrvivor and heir of a nistic society which has ce on the banks of tho y a century. it the birth of tho nine ; George Kapp, a youth ttion and origin?li ty of ', : ne so obnoxious to- the rninent through his ad munistic doctrines that to leave his native coun ned to seek a land where :ee to carry his ide ss in 3 chose to emigrate to re political and personal I to have secured a firm i landed at New Orleans or several years seems to 1 the almost unbroken the Mississippi Valley site for a settlement. He Louis, and from there ;ps eastward. By this . . allowed by a band of in attracted by his en pp located in Posey ma, and established a ng tho lines of his com s. The settlement was aony. Posey County .lthy, and a few years 1 his followers into Penn .ey first settled in Butler ea second "Harmony" Then Kapp heard of the md the beautiful site for oking the Ohio in Beaver he society moved to the of Economy, Penn., in the society thrived. In pears hundreds of habita ? . 1 to-day busy mills, over 'j?uMvmy grauiw'ies and fertile fields are .numbered among the possessions of ?,the society. ''One for all, and all for one," was ie motto of this little band of com ?uiists. On being admittod to tho farraony Society 3 new member was to cede all his money and Worldly possessions to the commun JOHN' S. DU3S. (President ot tho Harmony 'Society at Economy, Tenn.) ity. Members received no compensa tion for their labors. Somo peculiar laws thcro were. No member was permitted to marry, "Father" Rapp's theory, being that every member I should be able to add his share to the general endeavor. Thus there were no members born into the society, but all rocruits came by election. The members looked not to the future, but thought only to secure content ment and plenty in this world aud everlasting happiness in tho next. A tenet of thc communo was that when ?"Father" Kapp died Christ was to make His second appearance on earth and take all mambers to His bosom. During "Father" Rapp's lifetime, .and under his administration, the so ciety prospered wonderfully. Not withstanding that a sufficiency was all that was aimed at tho industry of the members brought annually a large surplus, and wealth accumulated. "Father" Kapp made })rofilable in vestments of tho society's furds. In the later days of Rapp's reign the society reached the height of its prosperity. After his death, however, disintegration began. By this time all the original members had far passed the prime of life, and wero well content to abato a little of their efforts and enjoy more at easo the HAY MAKING IN* fruits- of thciu earlier labors pud the iucome from their wealth. In order that there might bo enough to go round, admission of new members be came rarer und rarer, and finally ceased altogether. The lauds of the community were leased to tenants, while the aging brothers and sisters came to pass their decliniug year.-? in peace and free from toil. .-, Now but seven remain, six aged i FAMOUS UN?ST COLONY. mense Fortune of the Society? women and one bent man, and- they have little concern for the disssension and dissolution which threatens the community. They think and talk chiefly of when they will be laid to rest in the "orchard," as they call the society burying ground, and of a joy they expected to realizo long ago-that of meeting their Lord. For days, weeks, years, they have eagerly watched for the second coming of Christ. "He has delayed His coming to us, but we shall soon go to Him," the serene faced sisters whisper to one another a3 they walk out together THE LABORATORY, OLD MILL AND "GR on pleasant days. The wrinkled man rarely cpealis to them more than to say, '.'Good day, sisters, God bless you," for men and women in this an cient community have always dwelt apart. Now comes John Duss, tho pres ent "patriarch" and prospective heir. Duss is virtually a child-the only child-of the society. His mother took him to Economy with her in 1862, when he was two years old. His father, who was then in the Feder?l army, died of a wound received in the battle of Gettysburg. The mother . jw?nt to Economy,, to accept .employ ment as a nurse. She remained in i the servioe of the society until early {in 1876. j John was sent to the Soldiers' j Orphans' School, at Phillipsburg, in j 1873, and remained there until 1876, j when he returned to his mother and entered the service of the Harmony Society. The mother took him to Germany for a few months' visit. They returned to Economy, and in 1S7S young Duss was given a position as a teacher o? German in the Economy school. He remained there about a year, and then entered Mount Union College, but did not remain long. He received au offer to teach in the Kansas State Reform School, in Topeka, and as his limited means would not have permitted him to complete his college course, he accepted. Jo?'n Duss was always enlarging his interests, however, and when ho saw a chance to buy a tino farm of 160 acres in Webster County, Neb., for S1280, he took it, and devoted con siderable time to agriculture. In 1888 Duss, who in the meantime had married, returned to Economy. He claims this was at the earnest solicitation of "Father" Henrici, who had succeeded "Father" Rapp as the head of the society. Duss toole charge of the Economy public school. ?n 1890 he was admitted to membership in the society through thc influence of "Father" Henrici. Then came his election to the Eoard of Trustees, and his wife was also admitted to the Society. At tho instance of "Father" Henrici the Dusses took up their abode in the "Great House." Al though under the same roo/, they j lived apart, in accordance with the ' doctrine of the community. The election of Lass and his wife and the elevation of tho former to power created dissension to the society. Several of tho members withdrew, claiming that Duss exercised undue influence over "Father" Henrici. Thus dissension, so long excluded, got a foothold, and nov/ threatens to totally disrupt a community which would have soon been dissolved by death. On the death of "Father" Henrici, Duss wes elected "patriarch," and THE OLD DAYS. I thus the youngest member of the so 1 ciety became its head. There has been practically no chango I in the town in the last sixty years so far aa its buildings aro. concerned. Tho "Temple," which is thronged each Sunday by tenants of the society, is as simpie and quaint as ever. The I clock in its steeple, which is run by r. j hugo stone weight suspended from the I belfry, has never ceased to tell the lime of day. Tlie sawmills still clat ter, although the water power of the early days has given way to steam. The factories where the silk looms used to rattle from morning to night are silent. These buildings arc now filled with grain. Economy silks were famous a half century ago. Acres of mulberry trees had been planted, silk worms were im ported, and this branch of the indus try flourished for years. Then the worms began to die, and it was de cided the climate was not favorable for them. The products of the society's lands and mills were much more than the community needed for its own use, and much was sold in Pittsburg aud neighboring towns. The receipts all went into the common fund, which in time grew to a great amount. When Christ did not come at the death of "Father" Eapp, disappoint ment was keen. Jacob Henrici, who was elected senior trustee and patri arch of the society, predicted that they would not have to wait much EAT HOUSE" OF THE HARMONY SOCIETY longer. He encouraged the members to moro ascetic religious life and to more diligent toil. Father Henrici in his early career was an excellent financier. Money accumulated rapidly for the society under his management. In his later years, it was charged in the recent snits, he had become just as careless about finances as he had formerly been careful. Much of the society money was in- | vested by Father Henrici in Pittsburg and Lake Erie Railroad stock. Fath er Hcnrioi was president of. this road in. its early history. He was later as sociated with W. K Yand-irbilt in building the McKeesportand Yougho? gheny Eailroad. He was also a di rector of the Lake Shore and Michi gan Southern. Ho invested money :.ms. DUSS. for the society in all these corpora tions. Up to the time he was eighty seven years old he preached, played .he organ and led the choir in the "Temple" on Sundays. A unique mausoleum marks the resting place of Father Eapp, in tho "Great Garden," which is Economy's park, in the centre of the town. In this garden the Economy Society has held its "harvest home festitals" for tho past half century. The "harvest home," invariably held after the grain crops have been garnered, is the thank offering to God for His bene ficence. Each of these festivals in recent years has seen fewer and fewer of the aged members of tho society in their accustomed places in the front benches, while the attendance of out siders has increased each year. John Duss has welcomed the out siders, and has introduced many in novations on these occasions. He has organized a band among tho society's tenants and built a gaudy band pavilion, too, in the "Great Garden." At the entrance to the "Great Gar den" Staads tho "Great House." Father Henrici spent his last days in the house. The "Great House" has been a subject of controversy in the case before the courts. It is alleged that Dr. Cyrus Teed was introduced to the society and preached his doc trines in Ecouomy, with a viow to transferring his colony there and ranking it a part of the Harmony So ciety. Duss, tho petitioners allege, "built a fine house before Father Hcnrici'a death for tho accommoda tion of Teed and some of his principal followers." This raised a rebellion among tho Harmonites and resulted in tho withdrawal of some of the mem bers, "who received certain sums o? money at their departure." This dis satisfaction, it is said, caused the abandonment of the Teed scheme. So the Harmony Society, born in peace and good will, seems doomed to go to pieces in the courts, unless legal delays can postpone adjudica tion some years, when there is apt to bo left of those interested only-John Duss. Tho Language of tho Turk. The Turkish language is said by scholars to be the softest and most musical language of modern times, beii.g better adapted to tho purpose of musical uotatiou and recitation than even thc Italian. VOT TO CALL HIM! Der leedle boy vot yost arrived . Abould some reeks ago, His voice vas learning tor to mate Dot noise vich is a crow. Und also ?omodimes ven I vent Und sboke to him a vile Ho tvists bis leedlo face aronnt Und makes vot ls a smile! I vonder vot to call him? Some say Thomas, Some say Tim; Some say Stephen, Some say Jim; ' Some say Diederich, Some say Matt; Some say Daniel, Some say Patf Some say Goethe", Some say Chou; Tot to call him I doan'd know. I ask dot leedle boy himself Vot name he db inks viii do, Und den he makes a fanny vink Und says py me. "Ab, Goo !" Ah Goo ! dot is a Chinese name ! I guess vot he doan'd like To be called dot ven he grow? ub, Much bedder id vas Mike ? I vonder vot I call him? Some say Heinrich,. Some say Net; Some say Villum, Some say Fret; Some sr.y Dewey, Some sf.y Schley: Some say Sampson, . Some say Si; ?Some say Chasper, Some say Snitz; So I dink I Call him Fritz. -Geo. Y. Hobart, in Ballimore American. HUMOROUS. The Maid-Fine feathers don't make fine birds. The Mau-No, indeed ? Siuce millinery came in birds don't get a chance to wear them ! A woman is composed of two hun dred and forty-three bones, one hun dred and sixty-aine muscles, and three hundred and sixty-nine pins. "Are you good at working ont puz zles?" "No, indeed. I have been married twenty years, and my wife ie as much au enigma to me as ever." Mr. C.-They call him a one-horse lawyer. Mr. Y. -How did he get that name, do you suppose? Mr. C.-rBe cause he's such a fine charger, Iimag gine. * Jollydog-Our American heiresses appear to have the same trouble as our candidates for office. Pollydog What's that? Jollydog-They find it very hard to get a square count. "I think it's absurd to say kissing is dangerous," gushed Mrs. Lilytop. "What possible disease could be spread by the simple act?" "Mar* riage, madam," grunted Grumpy. Money's tho root of all evil, As the civilized person agrees; It is only the savage who thinks he May dud the stau* growing on tree.?. Mi-fi. Sad-When I'm dead you will think of all tho cruel things you've said to me. Mr. Sad-And it will be ju3t like you to go and die in order to . give .me a "chance to think of them. "Hannah," said a lady to her ser vant, "when there's any bad news, al ?way let tho boarders know it beforo dinner. Snch little things make a great difference iu the course of a year." At a fashionable gathering a gentle man made several attempts to start the conversation,but having failed,ow ing to the stupidity of those present, he finally remarked, "Now, let ns be silent on some other subject." "No, I don't object to my wife's taking pictures," said the husband of the camera-fiend; "but we have no dark room, and when I step into the bathroom of an early morning the plates do feel so cold and slimy." Pupa-See the spider, my boy, spinning his web. Is it not wonder ful? Do you reflect that, try as he may. no man could spin that web? Johnny-What of it? See me spin this top ! . Do you reflect that, try aa j ho may, no spider could spin this top? "I was injured, ma'am, by the burstiug of a magazine," said the wayworn tourist, who was eating a cold luncheou in the kitchen. In the war?" "No, ma'am," he answered. "In New York city. The silent part ner refused to put up for it any i longer. " Has lier Money Laundered. "The demand for new bills for shop ping ison the increase among women," saida local bank teller, "and is getting to be a nuisance. A great many wom en won't handle any currency that is not absolutely fresh and crisp, and in the uortii all the banks that make a specialty of cateriug to women's ens toni, keep a supply constantly on hand for that particular purpooe. Some times the bills are hard to get,especial ly those of certain denominations, and gold 13 unpopular on account of the danger of confusing the $2.50 coin with a bright penny. "It is not generally known,but bills can be washed and iroued as easily as a pocket han:1 kerchief. A wealthy woman of my acquaintauce has all her money laundered before she uses it. She turns the notes over to her maid, who washes them thoroughly in hot water with ordinary soap suds and spreads them ont ou a table to dry. Theu she dampens them slightly and presses them with a medium hot smoothing iron. . If the bill is not frayed this process will make it oe bright and crisp as when it first left the treasury. It is astonishing how dirty money gets. If one could seethe water in which a dozen commonly cir culated bills were washed it would give them a permanent aversion to the trade of teller.-New Orleans Times Democrat. Tile Virginia.? Affair. The Virginias, a ship of American register, was captured, taken to a Cuban port, and ?? of her oih'cers and crew, Americans for the most part, summarily shot. The wrath of the American people flamed out ''resident Graut could have had war and ended everything in a moment; but the forces which careel nothing for humanity and a great deal for an undisturbed money market prevailed. The register of the [Virginins wan opportunely proved to be fraudulent, we took money for our dead and peace .was preserved. The unsettled question had come very near 8 solution, nutl had shdwn, to all who cared to think, that Spanish tyranny was capable of d ngorous crimes against others thau its own subjects. -Hon. Henry Cabot Lodge, in Har? oer's Magaziue..