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p Qat Remedies ^
\ , Ey Q Holt Lomax ^
ATS, It Is known, are responsible for many of the diseases
which affect mankind. In Denmark, not so long ago, an
act was passed empowering rewards for the destruction of
these animals and the creation of an organized fund for
their extermination. Some idea of the danger of permit
ting rats to breed unmolested may be gathered from tho
fact that the female can produce fourteen, sixteen and even
eighteen at a litter. Many couples l ave as many as thir
teen litters In three yeare. But In that time, allowing only
an average of eight to the litter, it is possible for a pair to become the pro
mentors of no fewer than G5C.S08 rats of all ages.
Of the rat tribe the brown is the most pugnacious and prolific. In Eng
land he conquered the black rat that in turn had Invaded Britain with Wil
liam the Conqueror ant! had ousted the original water-rat. In his Universal
ttfrectory on the taking Alive and Destruction of Fou-footed and Winged
Vermin, Robert Smith, who, in 17G8, described himself a rat-catcher to Prin
cess Amelie, says: "I was once exercising my employment in a gentleman's
house, and when the night came that I appointed to catch I set all my traps
going as usual; and in the lowerpart of the house in the cellars I caught the
Norway rats, but In the upper parts of the house I took nothing but black
rats. I then put them together in a great cage to keep them alive till the
morning, that the gentleman might see them, but the Norway rats killed the
black rats Immediately and devoured them in my preser.ce."
The mongoose is reputed an expert rat-catcher. Says Mr. Jamrach, the
well-kno'rn naturalist " kept a mongoose in a cage, and one day put him
In my stables to catch rats. lie caught forty-five the first night; the second
night he caught an Ind an pheasant and another rare bird valued at thirty
five dollars. He also caught the canaries In my shop window, enough par
rots to stock a parrot-house, and a macaw that had hitherto evaded all at
-tempts to catch it. I us-.e traps now."
In olden days the rat-catcher relied for success mainly on the sense of
smell in rats, which dearly love a sniff of aniseed or oil of rhodium. Ho
worked with a wooden trap some three or four feet in length. Into this recep
tacle he secnted and tempted the rats, feeding them for a week on savory
food. At length one fine night, when the banquet was in progress, snap went
the trigger and the feasters were entrapped. The operator then despatched
his "take" to the rat-pit:? and reset the trap. In Paris sewers food is placed
on electric wire laid an inch or two too high for the roach of a rat on all
Sours, which, on rising to get the bait, ls instantly electrocuted.
Most rats are cannibals. Aboard ship it was customary to keep hungry
the trapped rat and then turn them loose to feed on their kind.
Another method of extermination was that by pans of milk containing a
solution of plaster of Paris that solidified on consumption.-Harper's Weekly.
What Every Man Owes
Should Prepay to the World the Equivalent
of His Living
3Sy Daniel Arthur
T is too often said that "the world owes every man a liv-'
+ * mg." Rot, buncombe, etc. Any one who makes such a
* * statement and believes it lays himself open to the charge
.fr JL * of being a cheat and a defaulter. Every man owes the
* * world the equivalent of his living, and che world's average
?.?.W-w*.?* price for said living is cheap, too. When a man prepays
?********* 1 t0 t?e world ?e Sets a tremendous discount-a
.;..>4-4":.*.:4* discount so great that he is frequently tempted to sit down
too early in life, and his sons often do worse than sit down.
On the other hand the man who is tardy and unwilling in paying this
debt to the world has to pay an awful price for his delay. In other words
'? tie tLX"<y ultan
His Good Side
By Sydney Brooks
O far from being in himself a cruel man, the testimony of all
observers agrees in depicting Abdul Hamid as absolutely
the reverse. "There is in Abdul Hamid," wrote a former
Servian minister who knew him intimately, "a peculiar
modesty, timidity and tenderness which are quite woman
ly. He always looks earnest, almost sad, as if he were sub
dued by the consciousness of his great responsibilities. He
smiles quietly, almost sadly, very often, out he hardly ever
laughs loudly. He is distinctly a man of aesthetic taste.
He is fond of flowers, of beautiful women, of fine horses, of lovely views of
sea and land, of everything that is beautiful. He is an affectionate father..
He can be, and is, a devoted friend to his friends. He is able to contract deep
and faithful friendships. He is considerate, modest, charitable, and patient.
His consciousness of his responsibility toward God makes him hesitate to
punish any one severely. Certainly he was never carried away by impul
siveness. He even exaggerates in his desire to consider every question from
all points. He is slow; often much too slow for the nervous and impatient
sons of the West. Terribly earnest as he is and so sensitive to everything
touching his personal dignity, he has much of quiet humor ;n him. ?ie quick
ly perceives the comic feature in things and men, and in a oeculiar%iiet w~
enjoys it. His skies are generally and almost permanently covered clo1
of state anxieties and personal melancholy. But from time to < > j
most unexpectedly these c'.ouds are pierced by the sunny -ays of a
mor. Peisonally I could never detect in his character even the shado\,
?>ftr*r^ ; ; The : :
Psychology of Baseball
?y Hugh S. Fullerton
EARLY every baseball game is won and lest on one pla;
play that comes at the psychological instant. Among
players who do not study psychology, the crucial momen
known as "the break," a phenomenon which not one has au
alyzed, ard which the players themselves do not under
stand. Twenty men on thc bench are watching closely and
intently every move of the pitcher, every swing of his arm.
The tide of battle rises, ebbs-and then suddenly at the
start of some inning something happens. What it is no
one outside the psychic sphere of influence ever will understand, but the si
lent, tight-lipped, watchful, alert fellows on the bench see something or feel
something, and the mysterious "break" has come.
Baseball is almost as much psychological as athletic. Why one team
can beat a ctronger one regularly, and lose to a w.".ker one with the same
regularity; why one batter can hit one pitcher and is helpless before another;
.why one pitcher is effective against a strong team and at the mercy of an
other that cannot bat half as hard, are psychological problems - American
The noted Japanese gardens, fa
mous for their beauty, owe much of
their charm <to the quaint lanterns
which are used in great profusion.
Tho best of their garden lanterns are
made of bronze after quaint native
designs. Some of them are richly
carved and are of great intrinsic
value. Many of these lanterns are
of great- antiquity, and the best ex
amples are seen at Nikkho, famous
for Its exquisite bronzes.-Sabbath
Farmer Corntossel Skeptical.
"I kind of agree with the folk whe
say that story about George Washing-:
ton and the cherry tree is a myth," I
said Farmer Corntossci after a
"For what reason?" inquired his
"Well, human nature is party much
the same in all generations. And ii
I had a boy who picked up an ax an'
voluntarily went out to chop wood
I wouldn't chide hm. I'd hand him a
" aedal."-Washington Star.
OFFICER SHOOTS TWO MEN
One Died Sunday Morning-Other
May Eecover-Officer's Story Jus
tifies Shooting-Negro Employes
Asheville, N. C., Special.-Mr. John
Bunting of Wilmington, a traveling
salesman of the Chattanooga Medi
cine Company, died in the Mission
Hospital here Sunday morning, soon
after midnight as a result of a shoot
ing scrape at the Gladstone Hotel,
Black Mountain, Saturday morning
at 1:30 o 'clock, while Mr. P. C. Col
lins, a prominent banker of Hillsboro,
is also at the hospital in an adjoining
ward with a had wound in the right
side. The two men received their
hurts at the hands of F. C. Watkins,
town constable of Black Mountain, in
a room at the Gladstone Hotel Satur
day morning about 1:30 o'clock. The
men were brought to Asheville Satur
day morning several hours after the
shooting occurred and taken to the
hospital for treatment. It was found
that Mr. Bunting was suffering from
internal hemorrhage. Mr. Collins,
while dangerously hurt, will proba
The officer tells the following story:
"I went up to the room," said the
constable, "where the men were and
entered. The room was in darkness
and as I entered I struck a match to
see my way and lighted a lamp. One
of the men, I don't know which one,
asked who I was and I said a police
officer-the town constable. One of
the mer: with an oath said in effect,
'Well, vre take care of all po?ice
here.' At about that time one of them
kicked the door shut and then the
light was snuffed out. Orin of the
men jumped at mc and grabbed me
about thc neck, the other at the time
also closing in and clinching. Thc
men we:re both of strong build: one
of them had something in his hand
but 1 don 't know what it was. When
they closed in on me and grabbed me,
one reached for my pistol pocket.' I
drew my revolver, a 32-calibre Smith
& Wesson and in the darkness fired
two shots and thc men staggered
back; one of them fell. When I went
in there was a third person in the
room, but whether he got out before
thc shooting I don't knew. I called
for the doer io be oponed and it was
opened. I don't know whet lier from
the inside or outside. A light was
secured and (he manager came in. I
assisted one of the men to a bcd; the
oilier one wenl ont into tho ball. A
physician was summoned and in com
pany with the physician t lie men were
brought to Asheville for medical
.At the inquest over Bunting how
ever, two negro men. employes in the
hotel. ?;?VC a story to the effect that
the officer was not just:fi?d in thc
shootinc tli::f iUn man' nix . .J - 'J?
rnen were shouting and using profane
language, and that on complaint to
the proprietor of the hotel the latter
sent for the village constable to cjuiet
Sunday Merrymakers Drown.
Toledo. 0., Special.-Two men and
one woman were drowned and seven
men were rescued with difficulty
when a launch containing a gay par
ty of merrymakers capsized in Mau
mee bay 500 feet off of the Casino, a
summer theatre, at 4 o'clock Sunday
morning. All were residents of To
ledo. Dill, one of the drowned, was
the owner of the boat and took out
the party of ten men and one woman
over the earnest protests of his wife.
Congressman in Fight.
tive J. Thomas Heflin, of Alabama,
became involved in a personal en
counter with an automobolist, whose
name is said to be Johnson, on the
ctrootc nf W? ell in ?rf fin Tune?*?
State Rests Thaw Case.
White Plains. N. Y., Special-The
State rested in the Thaw case Wed
nesday and from now on it devolves
upon Harry K. Thaw and his attor
nev. Charles Morchauser, to offset the*
testimony of the State's alienists,
who have sworn without exception
under cross-examination of District
Attorney Jerome that Thaw is still
insane and would be a menace to the
country if released from the asylum
Accountant Quite Job.
Anderson, S. C., Special-There
are no further developments in thc
Calhoun Harris alleged embezzlement
case other than that several friends
put up the ?f'J'i.?OO bond and he has
been released. Thc accountants arc
still checking his books in the Orr
Cotton Mills office and have not an
nounced any further irregularities.
Harris secured an expert accountant
Wednesday to represent him in the
audit of books, hut the accountant
left Anderson in the afternoon with
out taking part in the work.
Items Gathered and Told While
You Hold Your Breath.
SOME EVERY DAY HAPPENINGS
Lively and Crisp as They Are Gar
nered From tho Fields of Action
at Home and Abroad.
On the theory that nature has
made an enemy and a destroyer for
every enemy and destroyer of man's
interests, it is'now believed that hair
worm introduced into the mosquito
breeding places will be effectual for
At Manitowoe, Wis., Fred Dicke,
a lawyer, saved seven women by
jumping overboard and taking hold
of the launch with his teeth and
swimming to shallow water with it
after an explosion of the gasoline en
gine. The women were severely but
not fatally burned.
Dr. J. C. Kilgore, of Trinity Col
lege, will give a public reply, through
the Christian Herald, of New York,
to Dr. Eliot on the latter's new relig
Extensive military maneuvers, in
cluding an attack on Boston, will be
held in Massachusetts from August
14 to 21. .
Several graduates of Johns Hop
kins University have been elected
members of the faculty of Trinity
College, Durham, N. C.
Governor Brown, of Georgia, has
signed the hill prohibiting the use
of trading stamps.
Sortth Carolina's 21 dispensary
counties will hold an election on the
17th to determine whether or not the
sale of intoxicating liquors shall con
tinue. By legal enactment all the
dispensaries closed on last Monday
evening so as to run the campaign
on cooler headed deliberation, unin
fluenced by intoxicants.
Six persons were drowned last Sun
day in Massachusetts, all hut ono
Grace and Alphonso Viviano, chil
dren of a wealthy Italian, were lured
away from their home in St. Louis,
Mo., on Tuesday and search for the
kidnapped childrsa has thus far been
Farrill, Ga., narrowly escaped a
race war last week.
The Great Northern Railroad has
agreed to haul all material for good
roads in Louisiana free of charge.
The House bill passed the Senate
Tuesday, granting the right to dam
the Savannah river between Edgefield
county, S. C., and Columbus coun
A woman shot a lawyer in the Wal
Cumberland there was a cloud burst
and hail that broke plate glass win
Twenty thousand coat tailors struck
in New York Tuesday for the restora
tion of prices before the great panic.
The battleship Maine was in dan
ger from her boilers and the fleet
sailed for Hampton Roads without
The increased tax on tobacco will
not go into effect until July 1, 1910.
President Taft appealed to the in
surgent Republican Senators to vote
for the tariff report so that the party
might present united frcnt.
The West Virginia Paper Company
of Luke, Md., is bidding for the
Government contract for 3,600,000
Out of 01 men who took the ex
amination for lieutenancies in the
Marine Corps last week only 32 pass
UUli! J?i tuu .. -.........
Ten thousand dollars in cash and
$10,000 in provisions, tents .md sup
plies are to he sent at once to Aca
pulco by the Mexjcan Government,
acting under the direct order of Pres
ident Diaz, to relieve the sufferings
of thc victims of juc recent earth
quakes in Guerrero;
The news from Spain is somewhat
more reassuring andshowed that pro
gress was made in he restoration of
The flood in Mandarin has tied up
railroad traffic for 5) days.
One death was reported in the fire
at Osaka, Japan, aid 10 business
blocks and 11,3(38 d^Uings wore de
A general slrilcc ii threaiened in
Sweden because thc Snployors' Fod
I erat ion has locked otit 80,000 work
The Moors are reported to be gath
ering for a great battle but in Spain
normal conditions are sid to prevail.
The late troubles ji . Barcelona,
Spain, were the mostjjrious for 70
years and it is estimaffl^jjjat 300 1
were killed. All is qv^roW
I Things Doing And Happ<
Told In Condensed
Unloaded Gun Was the Cause. .
Columbia, Special.-Gov. Ansel
Monday granted a pardon to Ursa
Alman, a white bo}', who last fall in
Spartanburg county was given a sen
tence of two years on the charge of
taking the life of a playmate, Tom
Gov. Ansel has not been liberal in
the use of the pardoning power, and
his action in this case was taken de
liberately. He wrote upon the appli
cation for pardon, "Under the cir
cumstances of this case and the state
ment from the solicitor and the judge,
the pardon is granted. "
The two boys, Ursa Alman and Tom
Burgess, were playmates at the Ap
palache mills, near Greer. The boys
often hunted together. On the day
of thc tragedy, Alman, who had two
single-barrel guns, loaned one to a
friend and taking the other himself
started out hunting. After they had
gone a short distance they met Bur
gess in the road. Alman,' believein?,
he says, that the gun was not loaded,
pointed it at Burgess and the gun
went off. The Burgess boy was
The evidence in the case, says the
petitioner, shows that they' were
close friends. No malice was shown
and the killing was alleged to be ac
There was an agreement between
the solicitor and the defendant's at
torney's that Alman should plead
guilt}-, receive a sentence of two
years, and, after six months' im
prisonment, the solicitor would ask
for the boy's pardon.
A contra pctittion, presented in
this case by relatives of Burgess,
stated that the sentence was regard
ed as very light in the Greer com
munity and that "in a moment of
trying to be big Alman did to death
an innocent little fellow." But Mrs.
Burgess, it was stated by those who
presented the original petition, did
not have any feeling toward Alman
and although Gov. Ansel set July 19
as the date for hearing this ease none
or those who opposed the granting of
the pardon appeared before him.
The prosecuting attorney, Judge T.
S. Sease, wrote the Governor:
"This is a correct statement of an
agrepuartnt- whereby Alman was to
^?^iguilty on condition that I
^^t^ .recommend his pardon at the
em^jtaisix months and I now urge
that m5.be pardoned according to the
Judge Memrainger wrote:
"The agreement being certified to
by the solicitor we think it should be
carried out and the boy pardoned.
in granting a commutation from
five years to two years Gov. Ansel
"Under the peculiar circumstances
of this case and tho report of the
judge and solicitor, I commute this
sentence to two years.
Mr. M. C. West, the county su
pervisor, states that the prisoner is
quiet and has had an exemplary re
cord since he has been on the chain
gang1 in Kershaw.
The special judge presiding at the
term of court writes that inasmuch
as there was prevalent, in Kershaw at
the time crime such as a ?ault and
battery, he wished to impress th?
community with the fact that this
tendency should be stoppai and he
imposed heavy sentences.
Night Watchman Scalded.
Columbia, Special.-W. W. Hill,
night watchman for a bridge com
pany here, met with a peculiar acci
dent last week. He was walking
around an engine in the Seaboard
yards and somebody turned on steam
from one of the engine valves. Hill
was painfully burned about the neck
nnd shoulder. His injury is not
serious, but the scalds are painful.
Calhoun Falls Swept hy Fire.
Anderson, Special.-Fire Sunday
night came near wiping the town of
Calhoun Falls off the map. A store
room, belonging to the Calhoun Falls
Investment Company, a small build
ing adjoining is used as the postofEcc,
and two store rooms occupied by J.
P?. G. and F. W. Campbell with con
ten? s, were destroyed. Heroic work
on the ?art of citizens saved the
hotel and other nearby buildings. The
losses aggregate about $0.000. with
silfill insurance. The origin of the
fire is unknown.
Taft Coming to Charleston.
Washington, D. C., Special-Pres
ident Taft Monday definitely decided
that he would visit Charleston this
fall. He will arrive there on the af
ternoon of November 5, leaving carly
on the morning of November 6 for
Augusta. He will remain in the lat
ter city until the 8th at 7:30 o'clock,
going then to Columbia, where lie will
stay four or five hours, leaving some
time during thc dav for Wilmington.
Palmetto State Dry.
Columbia, Special-At soundown
Monday every dispensary in South
Carolina closed its doors for
a period ol' about three weeks
or a mont li. Thc sales of liquor on
the eve of thc drought an- reported to
have been large. A stringent liquor
law goes into effect, providing :i hue
of at least $100 or imprisonment for
three months or more for the first
conviction for the illegal sale of
liquor and imprisonment for one to
five years without alternative fine for
the second offense.
?I EWS ITEMS
sning In Sunny Carolina,
And Pithy Phrase
~Rock Hill Water Supply.
Rock Hill, Special.-Several weeks
since an analysis of the new well,
No. 3, which bad just been coupled on
to the supply of the Water, Light and
Power Company of this city, was pro
nounced contaminated and unfit for
use. The outflow of the well was im
mediately cut off and its use discon
tinued. At tho same time, and as an
extra precaution against any harm to
the consumers, the water mains were
opened, emptied and flushed and the
big reservoir of 185,000 gallons empt
ied, the cement walls and bottom
scoured and flushed, repairs made ou
the brick work and ventilators, anc
the latter thoroughly screened and
protected. Since then an entirely
new top has been put on the reservoir,
and it is in better condition now than
it has ever been. In the meantime,
the water supply-which was only in
terrupted for two days-has been
drawn from wells 1 and 2, both of
which have been repeatedly pronounc
ed pure and healthful. Mr. JR. T. Fe
wefl, the local member of the Water,
Light and Power Company, is more
than interested in the purity of the
supply as he is a personal user of the
water. But his company wishes to do
everything to guard the purity of the
water and their policy is to go the
health authorities ,who are most vigi
lant, one better in their methods of
safeguarding it. Mr. Fewell received
returns from three samples drawn
from Well No. 3, the well which has
been closed. These samples were sent
to the State chemists of South Caro
lina, Maryland and Pennsylvania.
All of them pronounced the water as
perfectly pure and wholesome. The
Power Compa.iv will now, probably,
ask the beard of health for permission
to reopen the well. In the meantime
the company is continuing the sink
ing of additional eight inch wells
northwest of Winthrop College,
where they hope to find an unlimited
supply of pure water.
Education Day at State Fair.
Columbia, Special.-The fair socie
ty is now at work on plans for an
educational day during fair week.
This was decided on at the February
meeting of the executive committee
and Tuesday was fixed as the day for
this work. Secretary Love has sent
out notices to schools and colleges
asking that all co-operate in making
the day a success. The city, the rail
roads and all public organizations
will lend their aid in the work. There
v~ -1 ; for any pupil or
1 or college on tbat
lt accompanying a
ill be admitted on a
quired th?t the stu
cure their free ad
m the proper offi
ition the week be
is. Mr. Love has
lotter to State Su
... ". ^J. Swearingen: "At
the February meeting of the executive
committee of the State Agricultural
and Mechanical society of South Car
olina it was unanimously decided to
make Tuesday of next fair week
'college and school day,' as you will
note from the inclosed notices. I no
tice that in August you will begin
your educational campaign and at
your convenience I would like to con
fer with you relative to handling this
matter in connection with your cam
paign and getting out such literature
as will be necessary for the proper
understanding of the matter. All thc
railroads entering this city and other
roads in the State have expressed a
willingness to furnish every trans
portation facility possible and to have
special agents to superintend same."
Lanford Oil Mill is Sold.
Laurens, Special.-The Lanford oil
mill property was sold Monday under
bankrupt proceedings to Mr. J. S.
Craig of Clinton for $8,000. The up
set price had been fixed at $12.000,
but receiving no bids the attorneys
offered it to the highest bidder sub
ject to confirmation by the courts.
Some machinery and supplies were
also sohl, bringing $885.
In Camp at Fort Moultrie.
Charleston, Special.-Tho com
panies from Aiken and Lancaster, de
tached companies of the National
Guard of South Carolina, are at pres
ent encamped on Sullivan's Island,
and the men will he drilled on the
big guns and mortars, and also with
small arms. The situation of the
camp is near Battery Capron, and is
excellently located for the comfort
and convenience of the men. Mon
day was really the* first day in camp,
as the companies arrived on Sunday,
and the first day was taken up in
gelling settled, and the schedule of
drills and exercises were started
bright and early.
Charleston Men Favor Dispensary.
Charleston, Special.-At a meelina
of a number of business men held
Monday at the rooms of tlie Char
leston chamber of commerce, a IVSO
1 ut ion was unanimously passed urg
ing thc voters of Charleston to sup
port tiie dispensary system for the
regulation of the liquor traffic on
August 17, in preference to prohi
bition and a committee was appoint
ed lo use its efforts towards that end.
Heavy Rain in Lexington.
Lexington, Special.-Thc harvest
rain of thc season fell here Tuesday
afternoon and the mail carriers com
ing in oil their routes report heavy
rains all the way around. It is be
lieved with good rains the crops will
be much belter than was thought a
few weeks ago. The county board of
commissioners was in session Mon
day transacting regular routine work.
The chaingang has been moved from
Cayce to the Swansea section, where
it will remain for some months, clay
ing the sand roads in that vicinity.
is rr YOU?
There's some cuss who's allus knackin'-*
Is it you?
Every scheme of life' he's blockin'-- 'f
Is it you?
Someone's allus. allus mopin',
An' in darkened ways o-gropin',
'Stead o' bongin' on an' hopin'
Is it you?
-Los Angeles Express.
"She's a very intellectual wo man. *
"So I hear. Is she intelligent?"-*
"The Cossack is a hardy fellow. Al
beating is a mere picnic for him."
"Sort of a knouting, so to speak.*
THE DEAR DEPARTED.
The Sweet Thing-"Are you going?
to Charley's wedding to-night?"
The Horrid Thing-"No; I'd rathert
remember him as he was in life."-?
Sunday-school Teacher - "What
was Adam's punishment for eating:
the forbidden fruit, Johnnie?"
Johnnie (confidently)-"He had ta
"What did you do with that bicycle
romance you wrote?"
"I have taken it apart, and am re*
assembling it as a motor novel."-?
"Uncle, can't I be a pirate when I
"Sure you can, son. What do yoi*
want to pirate, books or plays?"-?
WE AWAIT THE OUTCOME.
"I see Annapolis graduates have;
been ordered not to marry."
"Love laughs at locksmiths."
"But how about Secretaries of tnt*
Navy ? "-Louisville Courier-Journal,'
A STARTLING HINT.
Gerald-"Some things go by fits
Geraldine-"I don't want you to?
have a fit,.but I wish you'd start."-*
THE CONSISTENT CYNIC.
"Fairy stories usually end 'and
they lived happily ever after.' "
"Yes," answered Mr. Sirius Barker;,
"that's one of the reasons why I don't
believe in fairies."-Washington Star.
A GRIM JEST.
"What was that wheat speculator's
"I don't know," answered the pro
verbialist. "But whatever it was, it
was a profit without honor in its own
THE STINGING OF CHRISTOPHER.
Columbus had just discovered
"But," urged his wife, "it's no use,
the hired girl objects to the country."
Crushed, he perceived thet failure
of his mission.-New York Sun.
"I have secured an appropriation,"
said the new Congressman, "to dredge
"But Ooze Creek is of no use io
"Then I'll secure an appropjriation
to have the dern creek filled up."-?
"That new playwright, Mr,
M?ckles, says he has an idea for a
piece that is sure to be one of the
sensaMonal successes of the 'great
white way,' " said the New York man
'. Did he outline the plot to you?"
"No. Pie couldn't. There wer*
ladies present."-Washington Star.
"I like my house all right," said
Luschman, "except for one thing. I
guess you'll have to fix that."
"What is it?" asked the architect.
"Several times lately I've nearly
broken my neck reaching for another
step at the head of the stairs when I
got home late, so I guess you'd bet
ter put arother step there."-Phila*
Robert J. Eurdette is even more
popular and successful as a clergy
man than he used to be as a humorist.
A young divine of Los Angeles, prais
ing Mr. Burdette, said the other day:,
"Humor is spontaneous with him.
I remember how one day I asked him
for advice on preaching, and he rat
tled gayly off:
" 'Never bo goody-goody. Never
say, for instance, "I was reading last
evening in dear Hebrew."
" 'Keep your pictures accurate. I
once heard an old minister picture
Noah as sitting out in front of the
ark reading his Bible.
" 'Be simple in the pulpit, as well
as friendly out of it, or the old ladies
will describe you as invisible on week
days and incomprehensible on Sun
day/^WaBhJngtqn Star, w