Newspaper Page Text
? ..t rihn" i '
(Wife Proposes to Visjt^Her-Moth
! er, Who ls Victim of Accident
SAMUEL HAS HIS OWN WAY.
'T????i?ir?? Mri. Bowsar,? Protests, Ho
' Finishes Self Imposed Task, Forget
[ ting Nothing-Cat Is on to Philoao
I phor's Genie.
J By M. QUAD.
?Copyryrht, 1909. by Associated Literary
^-BOWSER, you will have
**to*come"home at once. I
-h*5%--? ?"A telegram from
; mother saying that she has
run a fork through her; foot and wants
me tb:come up there at once. 1 want
ito get away on the 5 o'clock train, and
. ls hail take my trunk along."
; ,ijuch. was the message Mr. Bowser
.jrecelved over, the telephone at mid
afternobn, and he waited only to reply:
r y What in thunder was she tramp
' ling around on forks in her bare feet
Mrs. Bowser had. not been feeling
Swell for a week, and the news upset
ber. .Bte got Jiome to And her lying
t I down as.she waited.
"This is a pretty how-de-do, I must
say," he blurted out almost as he got
?nside the doon
? '^"But it can't be helped. What makes
it worse ls that'this is cook's day out.
She went just before the telegram
.:.:*<Hang the cook! What's she got to
do with/ lt r
"She could do my packing."
"Not on your life! I am right here
to do it myself. I blame the old lady
"nus zs A PBBrrr HOW-DB-DO, I MUST
for walking around on forks when she
?.could have just- as well walked on
, fncthing of the. kind.
-*\T-.-have come home for.
ay *goes and -runs,, a pitch
r ( ?^er foot and gives you a
ju* shocks and i? you." go.to ?ool
'wi^ithV packing you werft-get
,a'"week. 'You are ready to
now. I wonder if lt was a
three tined pitchfork?"
^dw* caa I^?ur .
- i V7*Pr?bably was .and Is sure, to result
... in .'tetanus. Only thing on earth that
-ctmJd lock her jaws. I know what you
.want; in the trunk, and you ll? right
. .tfhf?t? you are." ..
..'?gut.. Mr., Bowser"
.^There are no buts to It .1 pack the
.trunk or t telegraph that you are too
m to come, and your mother must
-whisper her last words Into a phono
I graph. You'll probably be up there a
- .week, and Til. put in. the duds ac
I % cordlcgly."
I-Mrs. Bowser realized, but j she was
.helpless. She turned her face to the
' 'ifrfciv Mr- Bowser went ahead,
heard him pulling but bureau
and opening boxes and taking
.garments off tte hooks, and as he
worked he hammed tb? sir, of The.
? e Old Oaken Buckets to himself to show
.-. that JIB was enjoying the occasion.
Two or three times she. asked him if
j he .-vras putting tu this or that, and
- 'bis reply was :
~Now, don't you worry. Everything
. -iariH be. putin in the best shape. You
may be thankful that you've got such
. ..a husband as I am."
i The trunk was finally filled, and the
' lid was shut down, and Mr. . Bowser
; ?jumped 0n lt until it would close. He
\ was warned not to break the binges,
but chuckled and said:
-:^"^!The hinges are all right, and TH
put the key In your purse. I was pack
ing trunks before you were born. I1
will now gd out and get a carriage,
and we will drive to tae depot. As
soon as you get up there you'd better
telegraph me what kind of a fork lt
. waa. If it was a pitchfork then she
must have been loading hay. If she'd
conscious yon can give her my love."
j Mr. Bowser was just going through
the gate when a telegraph boy handed
him a telegram which read:,
"You needn't come. All a) mistake."
, "And now what do you make of
this?' be asked as he showed lt to
"Why-why. it's rather funny.".
"By the seven mules, bat I should
.ay It was! First, your mother tele
Nnnnally's celebrated candy by
- Have you- seen Stuart's clipping
machines. Call at'our ??tore and ex
amine them-just what} you have
Stewart & B'ernaghan.
?graphs jon that she has stuck a fork
Into her foot and to come; second,
she telegraphs that it is all a mistake
and you needn't come. Doesn't sbe
know whether she runs a fork into
her foot or not?" ?
. "She ought to."
"Was it some one else's foot? ?Was
?t a fork or a crowbar or what? I
am hurried home to pdck your trunk.
I do pack it Now, it proves to be la
bor thrown away. By John. I'll talk
to that woman if I ever see her again!"
"She "will probably write particulars.
As the girl is out and I'm not feeling
welL couldn't you go to a restaurant
for your dinner?"
' "Certainly! But you just hear what
I say about'that fork business. Sup
pose she had telegraphed that a brick
house had fallen on her and then two
hours later wired that it was all a
mistake? Don't people know when
brick houses fall on them? Don't they
know when they run forks into their
Overhauled Mr. B.'s Work.
As soon as Mr. Bowser was out of
?be house Mrs. Bowser began unpack
ing the trunk. He had topped off with
two hats, and both were crushed as
flat as pancakes.
Her bearskin furs came next
Two of his nightshirts were a close
Then was revealed her toothbrush
\ad his razor and mug.
Then a pair of her old shoes that had
been sitting in. the closet for sis
Then one of her stockings and one
of his socks rolled lovingly together.
Then a pair of his discarded slippers
and a fur trimmed skirt
Then one of his day shirts and a
half used cake of sapolio.
Then a calico apron which she gen
erally wore on sweeping days.
Then a dump of stuff consisting of
hairpins, a tapeline, a piece of chalk,
a cookbook, an almost toothless back
comb and a pair of his soiled cuffs.
These were dumped in to fill a certain
Then came a strata of socks and
stockings and neckties and woolen
gloves, with an abandoned corset for
a sort of .keynote.
At the bottom, of the trunk were two
ragged waists, a pair of Mr, Bowser's
trousers, five of his collars, one odd
slipper, two ostrich plumes, some arti
ficial flowers and a yard of old lace.
Mrs. Bowser had the things all out
of the trunk and on the floor when he
returned from his dinner, and as he
sat down he said:
"I think I deserve a little bit of
credit Mrs. Bowser. There isn't one
husband in a thousand that can pack
his wife's trunk."
"I know it" she replied.
"And the few that can want all day
to do it in."
"And I was just thirty-seven minutes
by the clock packing a trunk that
could have gone around the world."
"Anfl nothing forgotten or out of
"Yes, you deserve credit J can't
imagine how you could have done it"
lt Sounded Hopeful.
A young man who was not particu
larly entertaining was monopolizing
the attention of a pretty debutante
with a lot of uninteresting conversa
"Now, my. brother." he remarked in
the course of a dissertation on his fam
ily, "is just the opposite of me in
every respect. Do you know my broth
"No," the debutante replied demure
ly, "bat I should like to."-Lippincett's
Dig rees of Hunger.
'Tm simply starving!" cried the
short story writer at the Hungry club.
"I wish they'd begin dinner."
"I never saw you -when you weren't
starving," said the poet
"Fm never as hungry as you are,
though," the short story writer de
clared, "because I writ?? r>roR?? "
The Mahogany Tree.
There ls uo such thing as a forest
of mahogany. The mahogaxry tree
lives by and for Itself alone, lt stands
solitary of its species surrounded by
the smaller trees and dense under
growth of the tropical forest, rearing
its head above its neighbors. Two
trees to the acre is a liberal estimate
for mahogany "finds." More frequent
ly perhaps only one tree will be found
over a larger stretch of territory. True
mahogany ls the only species of the
Swietenia mahogani, the name Swie
tenla having been given to lt in honor
of the celebrated Baron von Swieten.
physician to Maria Theresa. It ls dis
tinctly a native of tropical America
and frequently towers to a height of
100 feet the trunk being often twelve
feet in diameter. It ls of exceedingly
elow growth, and the time of its ar
riving at maturity is probably not less
than 200 years. Occasionally small
specimens have been found in (south
British Julius Caesars.
Julius Caesar, who on one of the
closing days of August in 55 B. C.
landed on the Kentish coast has had
many British namesakes, including a
great cricketer, but the best known is
Julius Caesar, master of the rolls un
der James L, about whom Lord Clar
endon in the first volume of his his
tory tells the amusing story, "Remem
ber Caesar." The unpopular Earl of
Fortland sat up all night in a barri
caded house with his friends and re
tainers armed to the teeth because he
found in his pocket a slip of paper
bidding bim "Remember Caesar,"
-which really bad reference not to the
assassination of the Roman statesman,
nut to some preferment promised to a
son of Sir Julius Caesar. The tomb
of Sir Julius Caesar, with n quaint
epitaph in legal phraseology, is among
the many curious uiouuineiits of St
Helen's, Bishopsgate.-l^ondun Family
UR assortment of Je
ware and fine wt. lu
new and original dt
LET US SUPPLY ^
708 Broad Street :-:
I take this means of announcing
to the public that I have opened up
a first cl?ss livery businr-sB in tb^e
-tables at the place formerly occu
pied by Mr. E. J. Mims\on Main
?itreet. First-class tear?s -furnished
on short notice. . .
I will make a specialty of break
ing and handling colts. Haveliad
considerable experience in this kind
cf work. Call in person or order ?
teams by telephone.
J. E. MIMS
Light Saw, Lathe and ?Shin
gie Mills, Engines, Boilers,
Supplies and repairs^ Porta
qle , Steam and Gasoline En
gines, Saw Teeth, Files, Belts
and Pipes. WOOD SAWS
Gins and Press Repairs.
We are justly proud(of our stock
of buggies. We carry ? Columbus,
Babcock. .Tvson <fc JDrvn^j Rmdc
You should remember when buy"
ing any one of the dozen following
articles that I save you money on
Dry Cell Batteries
C. S. Hulls
I solicit your patron
age. Send, Come or
Phone No. 10.
.E S. JOHNSON.
EDGEFIELD, S C.
State and County Depository
J, C. SHEPPARD, W. W. ADAMS,
J. H. BOUKNKJUT, T. H. RAIXSPOR,
J, M. Conn, B. E. NICHOLSON
A. S. TOMPKINS. C. C. FULLER
W. E. PRESCOTT.
J. C. SHEPPARD, President.
W. W. ADAMS. vice-President.
E. J. MIMS, Cashier.
J. H. ALLEN, Ass't Cashier.
Pays interest on deposits by
Money to loan on liberal terms.
Prompt and polite attention to
YOUR Account Solicited
g Jewelry Store
weh y, cut g' ss, sil r
? is unsurpa s? d'. M y
signs from ?? le lead i g
if O UR NEEDS. FINE
S?G A SPECIALTY
j i Tl M MO fl S & COR LEY,
Appointments at Trenton
Notice to Stock
My handsome saddle bred Stallion
Dandy Denmark will make the
spring: season at my farm near
Clark's Hill. Terms 815.00 to in
sure living colt; will u*e all care
with mares sent, but not responsi
ble for accidents.
J. H. GARRETT.
Clark's Hill, S. C.
Hardness of Icebergs.
The hardness and strength of Ice In
creases with the degrees ot cold, and
as Icebergs come from the region ut
perpetual cold of an intensity difficult
to realize it is readily seeu how they
can become "demons of destruction.
The hardness of Icebergs is something
wonderful, even surpassing that of the
"lund ice" reported from St. Peters
burg In 1740, wherein it is declared
that "in the severe winter of that year
a house was built of ice taken from
the river Neva which was fifty feet
long, sixteen feet wide and twenty
feet high, and the walls supported the
roof, which was also of ice. Hefore it
stood two ice mortars and sis ice eau
non made on a turniug lathe, with
carriages and wheels also of ice. The
cannon were of the caliber of sis
Doun de rs. hnt --
Helped Him to Hurry.
Trince Bismarck once told a story of
the battlefield of Koeniggratz. The old
emperor, then king of Prussia, had
exposed himself and his stair lo the
enemy's fire in a very reckless fash
ion and would not hear of retreating
to a safe distance. At last Prince Bis
marck rode up to him, saying: "As a
responsible minister I must insist upon
your majesty's retreat to a safe dis
tance. If your majesty were to be
killed the victory would be of no use
to us." The king saw the force of this
and slowly retreated, but In bis zeal
returned again and again to the front.
"When I noticed it," Prince Bismarck
went on, "I only rose m my saddle
and looked at him. He understood it
perfectly and called out rather an
grily, 'Yes. I am coming.' But we did
not get on fast enough, and at last 1
rode close up to the king, took my
foot out of the right stirrup and se
cretly gave bis horse an energetic kick.
Such a tMng had never before hap
pened to the fat mare, but the move
was successful, for she shot off in a
Tricks of Short Sight.
Not only the inanimate but the ani
mate world presents Itself in strange
forms to the myopic. Humanity, for
Instance, is often revealed in some
what ID hu mau guise. Thus, so far as
ocular demonstration goes, the world
to the shortsighted ls peopled by men
and women as faceless, sometimes
even as headless, as the horseman of
legendary fame Indoor* myopic per
sons get quite accustomed to talking
with persons who have neither eyes
nor nose. Out of doors the phenome
non is more striking because oftener
repeated. At ijtiite a short distance
the face melts into the atmosphere
and becomes either a cloud or. like H.
G. Wells' Invisible man. a nothingness.
"I see the hat and the figure, some
times the heard. 1 see the walking
stick. If the hand is ungloved this
stick is waving miraculously a little
way from the sleeve edge, for the
band, like the face, has vanished."
Charming Away Tigers.
No woodcutter will go about his
task in the Indian forests uuleas he is
accompanied by a faker, who is sup
posed to exercise power over tigers
and wild animals generally. IJefore
work is commenced the faker assem
bles all the members of his party in a
clearance at the edge of the forest and
erects a number of huts, in which he
places images of certain deities. After
offerings have been presented to the
images the particular forest is declar
ed to be free of tigers, and the wood
cutters in virtue of the presents they
have made to the deities are supposed
to be under their special protection.
If ofter all these precautions a tiger
seizes one of the party the faker
speedily takes his departure without
waiting to offer superfluous explana
rorn, shabby floors, marred, scratched
woodwork, dingy, scuffed furniture can all
be refinished and made to lock like new. You can do it
yourself at a trifling cost.
stains and varnishes at. one operation, impart
ing to all kinds of surfaces the elegant
effect and durable, lustrous surface of
beautifully finished oak, mahogany,
walnut, or other expensive woods.
If it's a surface to be painted,
enameled, stained, varnished, or
finished in any way there's
an Acme Quality Kind to
fit the purpose? ( 1
W. W. ADAMS
Royal is the onlyba3dis@ powder mafic
from Royal Girare Creaaa ci Tartar
Valuable Farm For
As I expect to leave Edgefield, I
hereby offer my plantation for sale.
Will sell as a whole or cut into
tracts. Six room cottage, large
barn, stables, 15-acre orchard of
peaches, apples, cherries, plums
pears and grapes, 5 to 7 years old
Six acres choice pecan trees, 6
years old. This place in 3 miles of
Ed gerick!. All or part cash, to suit
buyer. J. H. Cantelou
Edgefield, S. C.
Dr, F. L. PARKER,
Over Bank of Johnston.
J AS. S. BYRD.
EDGEFIELD, S. C.
^(yofflce over Post-Offlce.
SCHOLARSHIP and ENTRANCE
The examination for the award of
vacant scholarships in Winthrop
College and for the admission of
new students will be held at the
County Court House on Friday, Ju
ly 1, at 9 a. ra. Applicants must
be not less than fifteen years of age.
When Scholarships are vacant after
July 1 they will be awarded to
those making the highest average at
this examination, provided they
meet the conditions governing the
award. Applicants for scholar
ships should write to President
Johnson before the examination for
Scholarship examination blanks.
Scholarships are worth ?100 and
free tuition. The next session will
open September 21, 1910. For
further information and catalogue,
Pres. D. B. Johnson,
Rock Hill, S. C.
'LECY?in THE BEST FOB
'BITTERS AND KIDNEYS.
Cleaning and Pressiig
I respctf idly notify the Ege
field public that I have movedmy
dying, cleaning and pressing rora
to the ground floor of the Coner
Store's annex, and solicit a cocin
uauce of your patronage. We gar
antee satisfaction on every piec- of
work we send out.
James A. I)obey,
Office over Farmers Bank?Buildin?j
. Having obtained sur
veyingjoutfit,I tender my
services to the public.
J. H. Cantelou,