Newspaper Page Text
?Wife Proposes to Visjt+ler Moth
! er, Who ls Victim of Accident
SAMUEL HAS HIS OWN .VAY.
"^.t3fi'??'5? "'MrY.TSbwsoFi' Protests, ho
IX Finishes Se!.: Imposed Task, Forget
i ting Nothing-Cat ls on to Philoso
1 pher'a Game.
J By M. QUAD.
iCopyrlffht. 1901?. by Associated Literary
"^j^^Bt?- BOWSER, you will have
' *|WBT t0 come borne at once. 1
A A' bav-e" a telegram from
il'.' I J. .. mother saying that she has
run a fork through her) foot and wants
me tb:come up "there at once. 1 want
zo get away on the 5 O'clock train, and
1 shall take my trunk along."
: Such was the message Mr. Bowser
.received over the telephone at mid
vaft?rhoon, and he waited only to reply:
' "What In thunder was she tramp
ling around on forks in her bare feet
Mrs. Bowser had. not .been feeling
?well for a week, and the news upset
.ber. He got home to And her lying
' down as she waited.
"This is a pretty how-de-do. I must
say," he blurted out almost as he got
inside the door.
"But it can't be helped. What makes
it.worse is'that'this ls cook's day out.
?She went Just before the telegram
. ? i^ang the cook! What's she got to
do with- it?"
"She could do my packing."
1 "Not on your life! I am right here
to do lt myself. I blame the old lady
"IU1S ZS A PBBITT HOW-DE-DO, I MUST
for walking around ou forks when she
could*Jhave .just as well walked on
.. rnothlng vox" the. kind.
^y. -* t'ttiave; come home for.
av " .?dis and runs,; a .pitch
r , /(wt, and gives you a
\:?r??t^??&a&. and it'.you.'go.to'fool
**h _ffie packing you won't get
,a week. ' You are ready to
now. I wonder if it was a
three tined pitchfork?'
^H?tf can ?hiW
% . *Tn>bably -was : and. Is suire to result
... .: in tetanus. Only thing on earth that
.could lock her ja vs. I know what you
jurant; in the trunk, and you Ile right
where you are."
'"3ut, Mr., Bowser"
"There are no buts to it I pack the
*? ;trtmk or I telegraph that you are too
JO to come,' and your mother must
-whisper her last words into a phono
graph. You'll probably be np there a
week, and 111. put in. the duds ac
.... I Mrs. Bowser realized, but she was
.helpless. She tm Tied her face.to the
: 'wall,' and Mr. Bowser went ahead.
She heard him pulling out bureau
drawers and opening boxes and taking
t garments off the hooks, and as he
! work 3d he hummed the air; of "The
E Old Oaken Bucket" to himself to show
.that he was enjoying thj occasion.
Two or three times she asked him .if
he .was putting in this or that, and
bis reply was: .
"Now, don't yon worry. Everything
-.?wilL be put in in the best shape. Yon
Way be thankful that you've got such
.... .ft husband as I am.".
j The trunk was finally filled, and the
ild was shut down, and Mr.. Bowser
,. jumped on lt until it would close. He
I was warned not to break the hinges,
tint chuckled and said:
-r^f?Tbe binges are all right, and I'll
put the key in your purse. I was pack
ing trunks before you were born. I
. will now gd out and, get a carriage,
and we will drive to the depot. As
??on as you get up there you'd better
telegraph me what kind of a fork it
. was. If it was a pitchfork then she
must have been loading hay. If she'a
conscious you can give her my love."
, Mr. Bowser was Just going through
the gate when a telegraph boy handed
him a telegram which read:;
"You needn't come. AH a: mistake.''
. "And now what do you make of
this?' be asked as he showed lt to
"Why-why. lt's rather funny.''.
; "By the seven mules, but I should
.ay it was! First, your mother tele
Nnnnally's celebrated candy by j
Have you- seen Stuart's clipping
machines. Call at our store and ex
amine them-just what? you have
Stewart & Eernaghan.
j.grapns you that she has stuck a fork
Into her foot and to come; second,
she telegraphs that it is all a mistake
arid you needn't come. Doesn't sbe
know whether she runs a fork iuto
her foot or not?"
. "She ought to." /
"Was it some one else's foot? -Was
lt a fork or a crowbar or what? I
am hurried home to pack your trunk.
I do pack lt Now. it proves to be la
bor thrown away. By John. I'll talk
to that woman if I ever see her agam?"
"She -will probably write particulars.
As the girl is out and I'm not feeling
welL ccddn't you go to a restaurant
for your dinner?' .
"Certainly! But you just hear what
j I say about that fork business. Sup
pose she had telegraphed that a brick
house had fallen on her and then two
I hours later wired that it was all a
mistake? Don't people know when
brick houses fall on them? Don't they
[ know when they run forks into their
Overhauled Mr. B.'s Work.
As soon as Mr. Bowser was out of
me house Mrs. Bowser began unpack
ing the trunk. He had topped off with
two hats, and both were crushed as
flat as pancakes.
Her bearskin furs came next
Two of his nightshirts were a close
Then was revealed her toothbrush
md his razor and mug.
Then a pair of her old shoes that bad
been sitting in. the closet for sis
Then one of her stockings and one
of his socks rolled lovingly together.
Then a pair of his discarded slippers
and a fur trimmed skirt
Then one of his day shirts and a
half used cake of sapolio.
Then a calico apron which she gen
erally wore on sweeping days.
Then a dump of stun! consisting of
hairpins, a tapeline, a piece of chalk,
a cookbook, an almost toothless back
comb and a pair of his soiled cuffs.
These were dumped in to fill a certain
Then came a strata of socks and
stockings and neckties and woolen
gloves, with an abandoned corset for
a sort of keynote.
At the bottom of the trunk were two
ragged waists, a pair of Mr. Bowser's
trousers, five of his collars, one odd
slipper, two ostrich plumes, some arti
ficial flowers and a yard of old lace.
Mrs. Bowser had the things all out
of the trunk and on the floor wheu he
returned from his dinner, and as be
sat down he said:
"I think I deserve a little bit of
credit, Mrs. Bowser. There isn't one
husband in a thousand that can pack
his wife's trunk."
"I know it" she replied.
"And the few that can want all day
to do it in.r'
"And I was just thirty-seven minutes
by the clock packing a trunk that
could have gone around the world."
"And nothing forgotten or out of
"Yes, you deserve credit I can't
imagine how you could' have done it."
lt Sounded Hopeful.
A young man who was not particu
larly entertaining was monopolizing
the attention of a pretty debutante
with a lot of uninteresting conversa
"Now, my. brother." he remarked in
the course of a dissertation on his fam
ily, "is just the opposite of me in
every respect Do you know my broth
"No," the debutante replied demure
ly, "but I should like to."-LippincirtJ's
Degrees of Hunger.
.Tm simply starving!" cried the
short story writer at the Hungry club.
"I wish they'd begin dinner."
"I never saw you when you weren't
starving," said the poet
"I'm never as hungry as you are,
though," the short story writer de
clared, "because I writp rtrnR? "
The Mahogany Tree.
There is no such thing a? & forest
of mahogany. The mabogax<y' tree
lives by and for Itself alone, lt stands
solitary of its species surrounded by
the smaller trees and dense under
growth of the tropical foresr. rearing
Its head above its neighbors. Two
trees to the acre is a liberal estimate
for mahogany "finds." More frequent
ly perhaps only one tree will be found
over a larger stretch of territory. True
mahogany is the only species of the
S wie te nia mahogant the name Swie
tenia having been given to it in honor
of the celebrated Baron von S wie ten.
physician to Maria Theresa. It is dis
tinctly a native of tropical America
and frequently towers to a height of
100 feet the trunk being often twelve
feet in diameter. It is of exceedingly
Blow growth, and the time of its ar
riving at maturity is probably not less
than 200 years. Occasionally small
specimens have been found in < south
British Julius Caesars.
Julius Caesar, who on one of the
closing days of August in 55 B. C.
landed on the Kentish coast bas had
many British namesakes, including a
great cricketer, but the best known is
Julius Caesar, master of the rolls un
der James L, about whom Lord Clar
endon in the first volume, of his his
tory tells the amusing story, "Remem
ber Caesar." The unpopular Earl of
Portland sat up all night in a barri
caded bouse with his friends and re
tainers armed to the teeth because he
found la his pocket a slip of paper
bidding him "Remember Caesar,"
'which really bad reference not to the
assassination of the Roman statesman,
"but to some preferment promised to a
sou of Sir Julius Caesar. The tomb
of Sir Julius Caesar, with a quaint
epitaph in legal phraseology, ls among
the many curious monuments uf St.
Helen's, Bishopsgate.-landon Family
UR assortment of Je
ware and fine vvvt. ln
new. and original dt
LET US SUPPLY ^
708 Brond Street :-:
I take this means of announcing
I to the public that I. have opened up
a first class livery business in tb^e
cables at the place formerly occu
pied by Mr. E. J. Miras Son Main
.itreet. First-class teams furnished
on short notice.
I will make a specialty of break
ing and handling colts. Have "had.
considerable experience in this kind
of work. Call in person or order j
teams by telephone.
J. E. MIMS
Light Saw, Lathe and 8hin
gie Mills, Engines, Boilers,
Supplies and repairsj Porra
qle , Steam and Gasoline En
gines, Saw Teeth, Files, Belts
and Pipes. WOOD SAWS
Gins and Press Repairs.
We are justly proud .of our stock
of buggies. We carry; Columbus,
Babcock. _IxiinTi <&: JDraw?a RncJc
You should remember when buy"
ing anv one of the dozen following
articles that I save you money on
Machine Oil ,
Dry Cell Batteries
I solicit your patron
age. Send, Come or
Phone No. 10.
.E S. JOHNSON.
EDGEFIELD, S C.
State and County Depository
J, C. SHEPPARD, W. W. ADAMS,
J. H. BOUKNIGIIT, T. H. RAIXSPOR,
J, M. Conn, B. E. NICHOLSON
A. S. TOMPKINS. C. C. FULLER
W. E. PRESCOTT.
J. C. SHEPPARD, President.
W. W. ADAMS. vice-President.
E. J. MIMS, Cashier.
J. H. ALLEN, Ass't Cashier.
Pays interest on deposits by
Money to loan on liberal terms.
Prompt and polite attention to
YOUR Account Solicited
g Jewelry Store.
vi ?*..--'..? t
we'?'y, cut g' ss, sil r
.s is unsurpad. M ny
signs from ; l e lead i g
fOUR NEEDS. FINE
vi G A SPECIALTY
I TIM MOfIS & COR LEY,
/ SURGEON DENTISTS,
Appointments at Trenton
' <.v >: : I . (ridge VVurk a hj?iia
Notice to Stock
My handsome saddle bred Stallion
Dandy Denmark will make the
spring season at my farm near
Clark's Hill. Terms 815.00 to in
sure living colt; will n?e all care
with mares sent, but not responsi
ble for accidents.
J. H. GARRETT.
Clark's Hil!, S. C.
Hardness of Icebergs.
The hardness and strength of Ice In
creases with the decrees of pulu, ?md
as Icebergs come from the region ol
perpetual cold of an Intensity difficult
to realize it is readily seeu how they
can become "demons of destruction.
The hardness of Icebergs is somethiuu
wonderful, even surpassing thai of the
"lund ice" reported from St. Peters-'
burg In 1740. whereiu it ls declared
that "in the severe winter of that year
a house was built of ice taken from
the river Neva which was Hf ty feet
long, sixteen feet wide and t wea ty
feet high, and the walls supported the
roof, which was also of ice. Before lt
stood two ice mortars and six ice cuu
non made on a turning lathe, with
carriages and wheels also of ice. The
cannon were of the caliber of sis
Dounders. hnr tt.- -
H el pod Him to Hurry.
Prince Bismarck once told a story of
the battlefield of Koeniggratz. The old
emperor, then king of Prussia, had
exposed himself and his staff to the
enemy's fire in a very reckless fash
ion and would not hear of retreating
to a s?fe distance. At last Prince Bis
marck rode up to him. saying: "As a
responsible minister I must insist upon
your majesty's retreat to a safe dis
tance. If your majesty were to be
killed the victory would be of no use
to us." The king saw the force of this
and slowly retreated, but In bis zeal
returned again and again to the front.
"When I noticed it," Prince Bismarck
went on, "I only rose in my saddle
and looked at him. He understood it
perfectly and called out rather an
grily, 'Yes, I am coming.'.- But we did
not get on fast enough, and at last 1
rode close up to the king, took my
foot out of the right stirrup and se
cretly gave his horse an energetic kick.
Such a thing had never before hap
pened to the fat mare, but the move
was successful, for she shot off in a
Tricks of Short Sight.
Not only the inanimate but the anl
mate world presents itself in strange
forms to the myopic. Humanity, for
instance, is often revealed in some
what inhuman guise. Thus, so far as
ocular demonstration goes, the world
to the shortsighted ls peopled by men
and women us faceless, sometimes
even as headless, as the horseman of
legendary fame. Indoors myopic per
sons get quite accustomed to talking
with persous wbo have neither eyes
nor nose. Out of doors the phenome
non is more striking because oftener
repeated. At quite a short distance
the face melts into the atmosphere
and becomes either a cloud or. like H.
G. Wells' invisible man. a nothingness.
"1 see the hat and the figure, some
times the beard. 1 see the walking
stick. If the hand is ungloved this
stick is waving miraculously a little
way from the sleeve edge, for the
hand, like the face, has vanished."
Charming Away Tigers.
No woodcutter will go about bis
task in the ludlnu forests unless he is
accompanied by a faker, who ls sup
posed to exercise power over tigers
and wild animals generally. Before
work ls commenced the faker assem
bles all the members of his party in a
clearance at the edge of the forest and
erects a number of huts, In which he
places images of certain deities. After
offerings have been presented to the
images the particular forest is declar
ed to be free of tigers, and the wood
cutters in virtue of the presents they
have made to the deities are supposed
to be under their special protection.
If after all these precautions a tiger
seizes one of the party the faker
speedily takes his departure without
waiting to offer superfluous explana
Worn, shabby floors, marred, scratched
woodwork, dingy, scuffed furniture can all
be refinished and made to look like new. You can do it
yourself at a trifling cost.
stains and varnishes at one operation, impart
ing to all kinds of surfaces the elegant
effect and durable, lustrous surface of
beautifully finished oak, mahogany,
walnut, or other expensive woods.
If it's a surface to be painted,
enameled, stained, varnished, or
finished in any way there's
an Acme Quality Kind to
flt the purpose* '
W. W. ADAMS
Valuable Farm For
As I expect to leave Edgefield, I
hereby offer my plantation for sale.
Will sell as a whole or cut into
tracts. Six room cottage, large
barn, stables, 15-acre orchard of
peaches, apples, cherries, plums
pears and grapes, 5 to 7 years old
Six acres choice pecan trees, 6
years old. This place in 3 miles of
Edgefield. All or part cash, to suit
buyer. J. H. Cantelou
Edgefield, S. C.
Dr. F. L. PARKER,
Over Bank of Johnston.
J AS. S. BYRD.
EDGEFIELD, S. C.
gHOTO??ce over Post-Offlce.
SCHOLARSHIP and ENTRANCE
The examination for the award of
vacant scholarships in Winthrop
College and for the admission of
new students will be held at the
County Court House on Friday, Ju
ly 1, at 9 a. m. Applicants must
be not less than fifteen years of age.
j When Scholarships are vacant after
July 1 they will be awarded to
those making the highest average at
this examination, provided they
meet the conditions governing the
award. Applicants for scholar
ships should write to President
Johnson before the examination for
Scholarship examination blanks.
Scholarships are worth $100 and
free tuition. The next session will
open September 21, 1910. For
further information and catalogue,
Pres. D. B. Johnson,
Rock Hill, S. C.
THE BEST FOB
Cleaning and Pressiig
I respctfully notify the Ege
field public that I have movedmy
dying, cleaning and pressing rom
to the ground floor of the Coner
Store's annex, and solicit a corin
uauce of your patronage. We gar
antee satisfaction on every piec of
work we send out.
Janies A. Dobey,
Office over Farmers Bank^Buildinj
. Having obtained sur
veyingjoutfit,I tender my
services to the public.
J. H. Cantelou,