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Playing at Death.
The mother of Ivan Turgenev, the
Russian novelist, was a trying person
to live with, irritable, capricious and
unreasonable. On Ivan's birthday in
1845, we are told in "Two Rus
sian Reformers," after a day of festiv
ities, Mme. Turgenev pretended to be
dying. "She sent for her confessor
and, placing before her the portrait of
Nher son Ivan, exclaimed 'Adieu, Ivan!
Adieu, Nicolas! Adieu, my children!'
Then she ordered her forty servants
and all the men employed about the
house to say goodby to her. When
they had filed out of the room Mme.
Turgenev declared that she felt better
and asked for tea. The next day the
following 'order1 appeared:
" 'I give orders that tomorrow morn
ing the disobedient servants, Nicolas
Jacovlef, Ivan Petrof and Egor Kon-.
dratatief, shall sweep the court in
front of my windows.'
"Those names were those of serv
ants who had not appeared at her bed
Bide, possibly because they were a lit
tle drunk that evening. 'Good for
nothings! Drunkards! exclaimed Mme.
Turgenev. They rejoice at the death
of their mistress!' "
The Bank Beat the Prince.
The Gentlewoman of London recalls
the following story of the prince re
gent and Coutts' bank: "Wheu George
IV. was a regent he had a 'grudge
against Coutts and determined to play
a trick on the authorities. In those
days even the great banks kept very
email reserves of cash, and the playful
prince thought out a plan to close
Coutts'. So he sent his equerry round
from Carlton House with a check for
?100,000, fondly hoping that the bank
?would not be able, to pay over the
counter. The prince's trick, however,
failed of success, as the wary old part
ner of the Strand bank proved equal
to the occasion. He said at once to
the equerry. 'How will his royal high
ness take the amount, in gold or notes?*
The equerry hesitated and then said
he had better go back to Carlton House
to inquire. So he departed, and Coutts'
had time to send to the Bank of Eng
land and get the cash required, but it
was not needed, as the prince regent,
seeing that Coutts' had got the best
of bim, did not return the check in
Eggs That Can't Be Found.
The eggs of some common birds of
the present day have never been
found. There is the robin snipe; its
eggs have never been seen. An Eng
lish zoologist kept a man going up and
down the coast of Labrador for weeks
purposely to get a robin snipe's egg,
but it was in vain. The bird Is known
by thousands of people, but it breeds
so far north and so remote from any
civilization that no scientific observer
can ever get to its nest ere the young
are hatched and have taken to wing.
The frigate bird that is so commonly
seen at sea on the Pacific and off the
West Indies Is such a solitary bird
and. is so seldom seen in its nest dur
ing the hours of daylight tbat its egg
ls rare. It seems strange, but the
eggs of so well known a bird as the
sandpiper have never been found and
are almost, priceless.-London Globe.
'"??und"ic necessary noflong ago to
take a trip west On the dining car
of the train he saw that he had In his
pocket 10 cents in change, his small
est bank note being one for $50. He
handed this- to the porter, who went
. to the end of the car'for a conference
with the conductor.
.'Tm very . sorry about this," said
the conductor, standing in front of
Woolley and toying with the big bill
"but we haven't the change for $50.
We'll just take your address and send
you the change."
Woolley calmly reached over and
took possession of the banknote.
"You've got nothing on me," he said.
. "I'll take the address of the railroad
and send the price of the meal."
The Baths of Caracalla.
The Romans appear to have been
iwell off in the matter of bathing
places in the first and second centu
ries, in the baths of Caracalla 1,600
bathers could be accommodated at one
time. The inclosed area was 360
square yards, but it included a course'
for foot racing. The bathing estab
lishment was 240 yards in length by
124 wide. The remains of the walls
are eight and ten feet thick and In
some p^ces as much as fifty feet high.
A Cumulative Test
As the thin man and the stout one
. were talking of diet and food in gen
eral the thin man said:. "You can get
an excellent dinner at Clapham's, the.
restaurant near my office, for 25 cents.
Ever try one of his dinners?"
"One of 'em! Yes, I should say I
had," said the stout man. "Why, I
ate four of 'em one day last week!"
The Best Thing.
"What do you mean by kissing me,
<'My aunt told me to. She told me to
come and help myself to the best thing
I could find in the kitchen."-Fliegende
If any. one says that he has seen a
just man in want of bread I answer
that it was in some place where there
.Was no other just man.-St Clement
Can Afford lt.
"Has the doctor a large practice?"
"So large that when people have
nothing, the matter with them he tells
them so."-Pittsburg Post
. "You're very contradictory, my son."
"No, I'm not pa."-Lippincott's.
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?~" Why She Quit Her Job.
i A lady of my acquaintance In Tokyo,
says a writer in tile World Wide Mag
azine, possessed a valuable servant of
somewhat mature years wno rejoiced
in the poetic name of Oharu San
.'The Honorable Miss Spring."
.One day Miss Spring brought in
luncheon as usual. All seemed serene;
there was not a shadow of a cloud in
the domestic sky. But at teatime no
tea appeared; neither, in answer to
calls at first patient and afterward
impatient, did Oharu. " After awhile
the lady went herself to the back re
gions and found-desolation. The char
coal box was filled with gray ashes,
the kettle cold. Half the luncheon
plates lay Immersed in a bowl of
soapy water; the other half stood on
the sink ready to be put away. Oharu
herself simply was not.
The :aext morning, however, she re
appeared, very much on her company
manners, with a clean kimono and her
hair done in a shining bun to' denote
the state of a matron, demanding the
fragment of wages due to her since the
beginning of the month. The lady ex
postulated and .asked why the servant
was leaving thus suddenly.
"Oh," replied Oharu, "just as I was
washing the plates yesterday I remem
bered that Saito San, the pawnbroker,
wanted a wife. Therefore I went out
and married him."
Andrew Carnegie, when talking
about the Scotch dialect once, said:
"Scotch dialect is a Ungo hard to un
derstand, and it often causes awkward
mistakes. Once an American divine
spent Christmas in a highland inn. On
Christmas morning he gave the maid
a tip of a sovereign, and he said, look
ing earnestly at her, for she was a
pretty maid: .
"'Do you know, Kathleen, you are
a very good looking lassie?'
"Of course Kathleen was pleased,
but, being modest, she blushed like a
rose and answered:
" 'Ah, na! Ah, na! But my kissing,
sir, ls beautiful!'
"The divine frowned.
. "'Leave the room, you wicked
young baggage!' he said sternly:
"He didn't know, you see, that mod
est Kathleen had been simply praising
in her highland dialect the superior
charms . of her cousin Janet of Pee
The famous Adam Smith had all the
proverbial absentmindedness of the
philosopher. An amusing story of him
is told in Mr. Fyvle's book, "Noble
Dames and Notable Men of the Geor
gian Era." "Mr. Darner, it appears,
called one morning upon the Scottish
philosopher just as he was preparing
his breakfast As they talked the
learned man took a piece of bread and
butter in. his hand and, after rolling
it round and round, popped it into his
teapot and poured the boiling water
upon lt Darner watched with quiet
amusement without drawing attention
, to this peculiar proceeding, and pres
ently he had his reward, for when
Adam Smith poured himself out a. cup
of this qneer decoction and tasted it
he quite innocently remarked to his
visitor that it was the worst tea he
David Belasco delicately dissected a
certain playwright one evening at a
dinner given by the former to some of
his friends bf the theatrical profession.
This playwright is successful and pro
duces many plays, but, it is admitted,
owes nearly all his bfest ideas to oth
"One night the playwright imagined
that he heard a noise in his house,"
said Mr. Belasco. "He lighted a lamp,
went downstairs, searched his library,
parlor, dining room and kitchen, then
went to the butter's pantry and there
discovered a masked man kneeling
over the chest of silverware.
" 'Aha!' said he huskily: 'Stealing?
" 'Oh, no,' replied the burglar calm
ly. Tm only adapting.' "
Time to Make a Change.
I Sir William Phips was appointed
governor in chief of the province ol
Massachusetts Bay in 1692. During
his administration the terrible wai
against witchcraft raged for some six
teen months. When his own wife,
Lady Phips, was named as having ex
ercised the powers of witchcraft Slr
William began to view this whole ter
rible madness In a new light and he
put a stop to all trials an'd discharge*!
the prisoners then awaiting trial.
The Way lt Happened.
Brother Lobstock-How did yo' all
got yo' nose busted? Brother Tump
I done slipped down an' plumb lit on
my back. Brother . Lobstock - But
name o' goodness, san, yo' nose isn't
located on yo' back! Brother Tump
Nb, sah, an' needer was B rudder
j ' Ambiguous.
1 "Why did you spend so much money
on your wife's funeral?" asked a man
of a neighbor.
"Ah, sir," was the reply, "she would
have dione as much for me and more,
too, with pleasure."
I Be resolutely and faithfully what you
are; be humbly what you aspire to be.
Man's noblest gift to man is his sin
cerity, for it embraces his integrity
I'oo Busy For Repentance.
I Singleton--Do you believe in the old
adage about marriage in haste and re
pent at leisure? Wedderly-No, I don't
'After a man marries he han no leisure.
I If wo gare assistance to each other
ino one would be in want of fortune.
Falls Victim To Thieves.
S. W. Bends, of Coal City, Ala.,
has a justifiable grievance. Two
theivee. stole his health for twelve
years. They were a liver and kidney
trouble. Then Dr. King's New Life
Pills throttled them. He's well now
Unrivaled for constipation, malaria
headache, dyspepsia. 26c at Penn &'
Holstein, W E Lynch & Co., B
?J usT " PUBLISH ED'
Webster's NEW INTERNATIONAL Dictionary,
(G. & C. Merriam Co., Springfield, Mail.)
surpasses thc old International as mach ss that
book exceeded its predecessor. On the old
foundation anew s nperstra cture Las been built.
The recuas tm dion has been carried on through
many years by a large force of trained workers,
ander the supervision of Dr. W, T. Harris,
former United States Commissioner of Educa
tion, and reenforced by many eminent special
ists. The definitions have been rearranged and
amplified. The number of terms defined bas
been more than doubled. The etymology,
synonyms, pronunciation, have received un
sparing scholarly labor. The language of
English literature for over seven centuries, the
terminology, of the arts and sciences, and the
every-day speech of street, shop, and house
hold, are presented with fullness and dearness.
In size of vocabulary, in richness of general
information, and in convenience of consulta
tion, the book sets a pew mark in lexicography.
400,000 words and phrases.
V/rne te tie publicen for Specimen Pases.
Copyright by Outvies ScrOntr's Sont
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'jwn hand the sole account of his
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not to hire, or employ in any way,
one J. D. Farmer, who is under]
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1911. Any one so doing, or moving,
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Trenton, S. C. W. J. Gaines.
Dr. F. L. PARKER,
Over Bank of Johnston.
Life Saved at Death's Door.
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