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MISUNDERSTANDING "D. C. M.1
Enthusiastic Villagers Take Up Col
lection for Suitable Token for
A delegate to the Pan-American con
gress in Washington said:
"They who oppose or dread the Mon
roe doctrine misunderstand it. They
misunderstand it as completely as the
villagers misunderstood the soldier's
"A soldier in the trenches wrote
home to his brother that he had got
the D. C. M. The brother, mad with
joy, rushed through the village to
show the letter about. Much enthus
iasm was aroused. A committee was
Instituted and a collection begun for
the purchase of a suitably inscribed
gold timepiece for the village hero.
"But just when the collection had
almost reached the needed total, the
brother at home got another letter
from the trenches.
" 'Well. Jack, old boy,' the second
letter said, 'they've let me out at last
Seven days' hard for going a bit heavy
on the red wine of the countryside
pretty rough, eh, on the part of our
district court-martial, or D. C. M., as
we call it over here?'"
i A Case of Necessity.
"What sort of club is this you have
"It's called the 'League of Light
"Hum! Sounds rather piffling."
"It's a band of optimists, you know.
We sign a pledge not to worry."
"I see. And do the members keep
"Well-er-all but our treasurer. He
has the dickens of time collecting the
In the Dark.
Patience-You know I read the other
day that many plants possess light
giving qualities, their blossoms and
stems being luminous and their juiceB
also being phosphorescent.
Patrice-Wei!, what ot that?
"Why, now when Will calls I won't
take any chance. I have all th3 plants
removed from the room."
"Neither, mur He was me hus
What ls Most Needed.
"Here's a list of automobile acces
sories. The advertiser says no motor
ist can do without them."
"Let me see the list. Ah! Just as
I thought. It isn't complete."
"It doesn't Include an inexhaustible
A Crusty Reader.
"Getting anything out of that book
you are reading?"
"I should say so. The smart Aleck
who borrowed it before I did tried to
show off his learning by penciling i
marginal notes all through the book, j
and what I'm guting out of it is a
Mr. Yeast-Here's an item that says
more than $60,000,000 worth of gold
has been taken from the Juneau belt.
Mrs. Yeast-Well, I think Juneau or
any other man is very foolish to carry
that amount of money around with
him in his belt.
"I see that the average man con
sumes one ton of solid and liquid nour
ishment in a year," said the boarder
with the red necktie.
"Well," replied the woman who kept
the house. "I'm quite sure my man
boarders are away above the average."
Promoter-I'd like to combine all !
the bakeries in this town, but I lack
Bacon-A child has to crawl before
it can walk, doesn't it?
"Well, is it the same way with
"TVhy do you carry that poem in
your pocket, pard?"
"Because it ls 'Woodman, Spare That
Tree.' I recite it every time anybody
asks me to tackle a wood pile."
"Do you notice any improvement
since you began eating olives?"
"Why, don't you know, dear, I he
lluva I am getting a decidedly Span
_ ....-jt--Lia ,i hftuL
KNEW WHERE "HE WAS AT
Possum, However, Was Unable to Tell
of His Whereabouts, to Employer
Over the Phone.
When the late Robert Aull was park
commissioner there was a negro boy
called Possum who helped around the
boathouse in Forest Park lake. Pos
sum was a mighty hunter and fisher
man, and those qualities appealed to
Colonel Aull. Sometimes Colonel Aull
and Possum took lanterns at night and
caught a mess of frogs in Forest Park.
Possum had a falsetto voice and a
vast ignorance of how to use the tele
phone. He had located several fat,
fine frogs that he thought Colonel Aull
might like to gig and he called him up
at the city hall.
The commissioner's stenographer
answered the telephone and after hear
ing Possum's shrill tenor demanding
an interview with "Mistah Aull," she
said: "There's a lady on the phone
who wants to speak to you personal
Colonel Aull went to the telephone
and said: "Well, this is Mr. Aull;
what is it, madame?"
The reply came: "Thith ith Poth
um! I want to talk to Mithta Aull."
"This is Mr. Aull. Who are you?"
"Thith ith Pothum. Don't you know
Pothum? Pothum, the nigger out at
Foreth Park. I want you to come
and meet me, and we'll get thorne
"O, all right, Possum. Wl^s- are
"Where are you?"
"I don't know what you thaid. Thith
ith Pothum. I want you to come right
out and meet me."
"All right, I'll come, but where are
"I don't know what you thaid."
Then the park commissioner, rais
ing his voice, resorted to the lan
guage of the plain people: "Where
are you at?"
"O," responded Possum, with a sigh
of relief. "Heah I 1th."-St. Louis
JAVA IN HELPLESS STATE
People of Tropical Garden of the
World Are Without Ambition
The garden par excellence of the
tropic world is Java, yet intellectually
it is but a cemetery of withered hopes
and ambitions wrecked in mockery, for
over all there broods the dull fatalism
of despair-the "sufficient unto the
day" of the conquered follower of Ma
hommed. Ambition, if it exists in the
Java of today, seems powerless to
raise its people above the condition of
the Asiatic peasant, Dr. Alfred G.
Mayor writes in the Scientific Month
ly. There is no well-to-do class of na
tive artisans, and one may travel
throughout thc land and find hardly a
native shop upon whose wares the Eu
ropean may bestow a glance of admi
ration, save only for the vanishing art
of batick cloth, and the still more
moribund manufacture of the Krees.
Antlike over the whole land, In every
view, there swarms the full-faced, do
cile coolie of the soil. Measured by
standards of mortality, a source of
commercial weakness, and Java has
not always "paid," despite her con
querors' efforts to secure as much
profit from her as their conscience
and the public spirit of their times
would permit. The water supply of
her countless mountain streams might
turn the wheels of many .. mill, but
Java still sends her product : abroad in
the form of raw materials, and the cul
tivation of cotton is not even at
The streets were crowded with idle
miners and the city authorities, taking
advantage of the fact, had a good
amount of work done putting in sew
ers, paving streets, etc.
Mulligan, who was not above earn
ing a little extra money whenever pos
sible, had taken over a job at digging
One morning his friend chanced to
pass him as he was laboring shoveling
"Hallo, Mulligan! What are jez
The workman leaned on his spade
and made a long pause before an
"Oh, Oi thought Oi would work just
whoile Oi was oldie, boy."
Not Creatures of the Sea.
The National museum at Washing
ton, contains a notable display of
the bones of several species of extinct
mammals which, if seen alive in the
ocean, would be called huge sea ser
pents. They were carnivorous and
their long, slender jaws were armed
with formidable teeth. Although a
few remaining individuals of the group
may have given actual basis for the
sea-serpent stories, these extinct ani
mals were not reptiles, but mammals
which, like the whale and seal and ot
ter, had happened to evolve In an
Not Such a Fooi.
"Here's a strange case," said Mrs.
Spotter to her husband. "A man
they called the town fool up in New
Hampshire died, and they weighed his
hrain. It was heavier than the aver
"Is that all it says about him?"
"Yes-except that he was for many
years entirely dependent on well-to
"Huh-he was no fool. If you have
well-to-do relatives, why use your
THE ETERNAL FEMININE
LBy IZOLA FORRESTER.
"Hello, hello! Yes, this is Milt. Oh!"
-Milton's tone breathed interest and
surprise-"It's you, girlie?"
Beth turned around and stared with
wide-open eyes, listening.
"Indeed, I will-right away. Not a
bit of it. I'm awfully glad to help out.
He hung up the receiver and wheeled
about, looking not at Beth, but at the
"It's Mrs. Hewitt. Her husband's in
Baltimore, and wired her to meet him,
and the maid's gone, and there's no
body to help her down with her suit
case. She wants me to run up to din
ner and take her to the station after
ward. You don't mind, of course,
"Who is Mrs. Hewitt?" she asked
"Why, she's a girl I knew out in
Denver, you know."
"I don't know. How old is she and
what does she look like?"
"Now, Beth"-Milton looked a bit
bored as if he hated to go into tho
subject, it was so trivial-"I think we
agreed that real love is above jeal
ousy. This is only common courtesy.
I've known 'Girlie' Cooper-she used
to be a Cooper-since I was a boy at
school. She's about twenty-four, I
At eighteen twenty-four looks world
ly wise and experienced. Beth pursed
"I'll be back by nine," added Milton.
Beth looked at him with growing
"Do you think you'll need a cushion
as a tame cat?" she inquired wither
ingly. "You needn't come back here,
Milt. She cculd call a taxi and go
down by herself. Of course, you can
do just as you please, but you needn't
come back here if you go carting suit
cases around for old. sweethearts."
"You know, Milt, you can't deceive
me one bit." She leaned her adorable
chin on her palm and looked up at him.
"I've heard of 'Girlie' Cooper. Mrs.
Daniels told me you were engaged to
her and perfectly wild over her five
years ago. I think it's terrible for the
man you love to have memories of
She rose suddenly and left him
standing there, expostulating.
She really did need a lesson, Milton
told himself severely. Utter lack of
faith in him was too much to bear un
All this he told himself going up to
Girlie's, all the way through dinner, all
the way downtown. Girlie talked in
cessantly cf Hobart, her husband, of
his congressional ambitions, his
tastes, his achievements. She was a
little, appealing sort of woman, with
big brown eyes and a wistful chin. Mil
ton found himself comparing her men
tally with Beth'B beautiful clear-eyed
"You know the real reason why I
asked you to see me to the station,
Milt," she said as they entered the
taxi. "It's for Hcbart's sake. I want
you to see that his new bill is handled
fairly by the papers. You will, won't
you, Milt? I don't know myself just
what it's about, but it must be a splen
did measure or he'd never take it up.
He's that type of man, you know, Milt
Just ask Miss Wharton."
"Beth?" asked Milton, alarmed,
"what does sho know about him?"
"Why, didn't you know?" The big
brown eyes met his in surprise. "She
saved his life. We've been married a
year, and it wns before he met me.
She was hardly more than a child, he
told me, and they were all down at
Pinehearst for the late winter season.
I believe he wa3 accidentally shot, and
she found him. as she was riding
through the mountains and saved,
"Was-was he in love with her?"
asked Milt feebly. "Quite romantic,
"He was till he met me," Girlie an
swered complacently, "but he'll never
destroy her pictures. He's got forty
snapshots of her, I do believe, taken
that season. I hated her till I heard
you were toing to marry her."
The next morning, Beth met him,
radiant and ready for their usual walk ,
in the park.
"I'm so sorry, dear," she said, "but
you know" you would go. I know wom
en are perfect cats, and she only want
ed to tell you about Hobart and me;
so I tried to keep you from going. I
refused him about ten times, Milt, and
I'm not one bit jealous of her."
Milton stared thoughtfully at the
spring vista ahead of them. And he
had feared to wound her, had wanted
to teach her a lesson.
"Why didn't you tell me you knew
him?" he asked.
"I never even thought of him. Don't
you know, Milt," her voice was strong
with faith, "when the real big love
comeB into your life it seems to
just sweep away everything else. Be
sides, I didn't want you to know I was
-er-lobbying. Isn't that what you
call it? The woman's club I belong
to is "behind a bill, something about
fountains at street corners, and we
wanted him to present it, so I wrote tc
him about it and it comes up tumor
row. Aren't you glad, dear? If you.
only could get something into the pa
pers about it, I'd love you for it, Milt."
Milton gloomed at the landscape
realizing for the first time In his lift
the underlying power of the eterna;
"I'll try," he promised.
(Copyright, 1816, by the McClure NewspB/
Slate of South Carolina,
County of Edgefield,
Tu Court Common Pleas.
Woodward Lumber Company- j
Plaintiff-against-J. J. Langley
Pursuant to the decree in the
above entitled cause I shall offer for
sale at public outcry to the highest
bidder before the Court House,
Town of Edgefield, County and
State aforesaid, on Salesday in Oc
tober 1916, the same being the 2nd
day of said month, between the le
gal hours of sale thy interest of the
defendant, .7. J. Langley, in the
following described realty, to wit:
All that piece, parcel or tract of
land, situate, lying and being form
erly in the county of Edgefield (now
McCormick county) and State afore
said, containing Two Hundred and
Fifty (250) Acres, more or less, and
bounded as follows: Adjoining
lands of W. .T. White, T. K. Col
lier, C. M. Minor and C. M. Till
man and others.
If purchaser at said sale shall fail
to comply with the terms thereof
within one hour from the time of
said sale, said premises, upon direc
tion Plaintiff, or his Attorneys, will
be resold on said day at the risk of
the former purchaser.
Purchaser to pay for papers.
J. H. CANTELOU,
Master, E. C. S. C.
Sept. 5, 1916.
STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA,
COUXTY OF EDGEFIELD.
By W. T. Kinnaird, Probate Judge.
Whereas, James Boyd made spit
to me, to grant him Letters of Ad
ministration of the Estate and ef
fects of Ada Boyd, late of said
County and State, deceased,
These Are Therefore to cite and
admonish all and singular the kin
dred and creditors of the said Ada
Boyd deceased, that they be and
appear before me, in the Court of j
Piobate, to be held at Edgefield, C.
H., S. C., in ray office on 7th day of |
October, (1916) next, after publica
tion thereof, at ll o'clock in the
forenoon, to show cause, if any
they have, why the said Adminis
tr?tion should not be granted.
Given under my Hand this 1st j
day of Sept. A. D" 1916.
W. T. Kinnaird,
P. J. E. C.
Sept. 6, 1916-31.
See me before insuring else
where. I represent the Epuita
ble Fire Insurance Company of
Charleston and the Southern
Stock Fire Insurance Company
of Greensboro, N. C. I also rep
resent the Life Insurance Com
pany of Virginia.
J. T. Harling
At the Farmers Bank, Edgefield
I take this means of an
nouncing that I have acquired
the Edgefield agency for the
people's Oil Company, and
shall be pleased to serve all of
the patrons of Mr. John ll.
Tompkins, my predecessor,
and also add many new ones
to my list. I can supply
Kerosene, Gasoline and Lu
bricating Oils at all times.
We make a specialty of serv
ing garages and ginneries.
AV. D. ALLEN.
Phone 90. P. O. Box 131.
Age Whole 15
18-20 814 83 827.08
22 15.49 27.97
25 16.61 29.43
30 18.91 32.26
35 21.00 35.70
40 25.85 39.91
50 38.83 51.91
?? 63.08 72.60
<35 82.86 t 89.33
Disability clause free. Reduced
oy annual dividends.
E. J. NORRIS, Act.
Will Surely Slop Thal Gouah.
To Dave A
OoBjrkht 1909, by C. E. Zimmerman Co--No. 44
F all the unhappy homes
not one in a hundred has a bank
account and not one home in a hundred who has a
bank account is unhappy. It seems almost foolish to
put it off any longer, when it is such a simple, easy
matter to start a bank account.
BANE OF EDGEFIELD
OFFICERS : J. C. Sheppard, President; B. E. Nicholson, vice-President
E. J. Mims, Cashier; J. H. Allen. Assistant Oashier. .
DIRECTORS : J. C. Sheppard, Thos. H. Rainsford, John Rainsford, B. E.
Nicholson, A. S. Tompkins. C. C. Fuller, E. J. Mims. J. H. Allen.
! Crystal . Spring . Water
Nature' Health-Giving Water
Unexcelled for Indigestion, Stomach and Kidney
Trouble. Highly Recommended by
A Trial Bottle Will Convince You of Its Merits. ?
Crystal Spring Water Co.
AT F. G. MERTINS
854 Broad Street Augusta, Ga.
Bring Your Autos to US
? I Ililli lilli- ll. n IWHJMMM
When your cars are in need of repairs bring them to
our shop, where they will receive the atten
tion of expert machinist at
All work done with dispatch and only the best
of material is used.
Edgefleld Auto Repair Shop
J. T. MIMS, Jr., Proprietor
Ready for 1916
I have had my entire ginnery thoroughly overhauled
and am ready to serve the people, giving entire satis
tion in quantity and quality of lint.
I pay the highest market price for seed, and give my
personal attention to mv ginnery and seed business.
R. T. HILL