Newspaper Page Text
TRE HTE RA L DA.
EVERY WEDNESDAY MOTQ4ING,
At Newberry C. 1.,r
. P. GRHNEKER,
Edjtor and Proprietor. -
*4) -er .f"""U)fl A Family Companion, I)evoted to Literature, Misellany, Nw, Agriculture, Markets, &c.
Iuvariably in Advance.
4- ~'rhe,~issto~pedat the expiration, Of - --- - -- -- --- - - -
aThe =rk denotes expirationo WEDNESDAY MORNING, DECEM BER 16, 1874. No. 5.
Ad4TerjTi e rm s asdah aeo 10
WE NEW YR TRIUNE
"The -r.aming American Newspaper-"
'iDbi"'k ORACE GREELEY
e recent elections the people have declarei
SUior of honest'in politics and independenc
lism. T'iTrmu.E, which years a_
declared that it was not and never more wouli
.tssparty ergan,claims the verdict. as thepopu
ar vdication of its course, and recognizes w
4he result the voice qf.he people for reterm, an
ite ty in government, for candor and inde
amo rs. During the cam
a~z~ ds 4hed THE TalBUNE ha
m nn its right to the title of t1s
Ledin American Newspaper." This positiot
it=sa earned and retained for the following
Onjong other reasons:
It publishes all the news, earlier, more fully
and more intelligently than any other paper.
It insists on ace throughout the whole coun.
local self-goernment, and th
-_ " Wladmes in the exercise of thel
and legal rights.
-It:advoctes codfdence and good feeling be
tireen North and South and labors for an hon.
st and abiding reconciliation.
It maintains fairness and candor toward a]
va2hJ&UeaaDAQU6onsand dignity and cour
IpaUlahes scientific news, reports, discussion1
and. AKtO a decree of fullness and acca
S if&ie attained by any paper.
W ,es every wek ten or more columns of thf
S hareuwm bme spk'ultural matter du
Xft hbyer, zuWmore 1 the aggregate that
i enthre contents of any other agricultura
pub & a the wA rmin a departmen1
wb jnm heat i editor said
any otherindeence which ever existed."
It has published a series of scientidc and liter
ary extras whice have met a wider sale and mor
a ae than any similm
TE SOUT N PRESS SAY 01
We consider Tu Tatuxx a very valuabl(
X. C. Citir.en.
in. its faithful and
of outrsge slanders on Ala
States, o haSt done,immense service
-.djatie.-Macon, Ga., Telegraph and
T Nzw Yanx Tarmtrxx for it
uwerl words in demanding Justice
g[ Albsma.--Montgolnery, Ala.
S hisse in the world is the NEw
T1Tbarsuu .t combines the dignity and
aWyof the Lndon Times with the repre
atftivenwMenterprise of America.-taltimore
A paper to be admired for its Independence of
tone and its reliability of news.-Episcopal
Xethod, Bltmore, Md.
Any one wbo wants a first-class paper' which
keeps fully up withthe times in literature, scienc
ad art shouid subscribe for THE TEuBuNE.
aabnrg, S. C.. Carolina Spartan.
- imperial sheet of the world, THE NEW
Yoax TaRusE-Jacksonville, Fla.. New South.
We v ditls tbbestpaper of all published
n e t ne Stats- orristown, Tenn., Ga
TT.dW' VM Nw Yolm TzaU is undoubt
edly Vhe&At:4tAmeisaan newspapers; whatever
may be aid of its rivals, it has clearly won
precedence of all, and very creditably does it
repmeenttbejournalism of the country. Whilt
dqsiUg-w&h al the topics coming within tht
range of a newspaper. &a TaiBuxE makes a
specialty of the. grest subject of agriculture. It
bectmes therefore a matter of vital importance
to the country that the direction of the Ideas of
this ys,t section should be in able and couscien
hands,tnd a =mtasfor congratulation that
mer's newspaper par excellence has the
hghOlanding of the THz TusacN.-The N. Y.
-az Niw Yoax Tamuxic is doing a great
wak in populariing Science, by the publication
*feheapextras tothat great daily.-Our Monthly,
Clinton, S. C.
American newspaper enterprise is probably a'
this %haoruRy ilJustrated in the daily issues
of T9z Nzw- Yoar TRisBu. than in any other
JOUMaML--Wim.4gton, N. C., Star.
ruequalled in culture, dignity, comprehensive
breadth, polish of expression and intelsectual;
fettered : no party ties, boited indecencies ol
2ee*h amn-Iysteric with no wild sensations.
Naleigh, . C., Agricultural Journal.
Su the paper has maintaiued successfuliv
the high popularity which he bequeathed it, and
j=Mt air-ably conducted and. independent
h now deserves even more justly
y tUrneduring Mr. Greeley's life.
Va., Inde and Appeal.
TPRM OF THE TRIBUNE.
Daily, by mi~~'afS10'~per fear; Seinmi-Weekly,
p3 er year; five copies, $2.5. each. ec
t eek .82er vear; ten copies, 15eah
-aKcases.paid by TRxTmzntn
Agents wanted in every tcwn to whom libera]
cash commissions will be paid.
Specimen copies, circulars and posters free.
T4v. 25, 47-tf.
THE TRUE SOUTHRON,
THE PAPER FOR THE TIMEES.
Independent and Fearless-Devoted to thei
Interests of the Good and True People
the Country, and especially of the
- SUTPRMACT OF THE WHITE RACE.
Published without the aid of any Officia:
Fatronage whatever, and appeals alone
~Jthe FIBDSOF RONtESTY AN~D GOOD)
gaVEsKT for. support in its
ight against villainy.
We call upon the WHITE MEN oF SorTE
CAEOLzNA-tbose who desire to redeem ou:
State from the abomination of thieving in
truderi domestic scoundrels and mongre.
leie5 ho have acquired place and pow
ezlra&the tnstrumnentaHty of negro su:
Radcial corrpioit e nve aaa trueCrlna
Wes ta te are adetrermi, hernfort
the ublaiono earlsapet oveir view
ye.say, candidyo, patnge.or supportn
Tharty i iller ven dnethoer ulon1
AoDVAr CE, with endavong to depruebs.
To Business, and allrs eashiis t(
rition ouc evrer t rue th a o inan
iche il plasceusy ondt l te n rea
nito al the r dornhae aen eaed Coo
the te Stliatoe ftisppr.vreg
er-nd sap yor ponage copy.
S.CBSCRIPET0 EPRICE, S'MTA EA, . C
ToBuin esMenl nfohrs, desifrind.t
advertse, we b t say nthal, thira
Tin osc is tuplied th ompetet
paperul ointsr. wtih erveant es.
gLiberiall tie dad Eto ern Coun
egunean sanp foranseientpy
DAB PLI OSTEE , oreos
COLUMBNDY Ei.AU, E S. . C
toe entalHoe ranry H otel,$
C.C.CH SE Pro prietot f ieWelr.io
* d rsp tfly inform m y fraiendgp
leta,iogctO mitaine to,r ol
aoching ose asonistlc oc i i
- oTine huse pics spplieooth aompeten
6 aiCto poite tat atentio servanth.
s e lreduothe ions mae ptato'neekl an
oha bordr . Ar. 2P,L16-tf
Orgns locatind is coheint adeintge re
pyto thera Ho eTrasen BoardC$
1 . B. LEOAI9& 0
WhlCe and Retail Dealers in
Imported and Domestic Segars
Of which w. always have on hand a largo
and superir :tock.
Imported and Domestic
Wines and Liquor
OF BEST QUALITIES.
Always in store Pure North Caroliz
CORN WIISKEY, APPLE and PEACE1
J. B. LEONARD & CO.
Nov. 4, 44-3m.
JN0. E. WEBB & CO.
Will always PAY THE HIGHEST MAR.
KET PRICtS FOR COTTON, and also
make LIBERAL ADVANCES to partie2
wishing to ship to either New York, Bos,
ton or Charleston.
STORIGE ! STORIGE !
Parties wishing to STORE COTTON will
do well to call on MESSRS. JNO. E. WEBB
& CO., who will store on the most reason
able terms, also insure when desired.
Sep. 23, 38-tf.
F. N. PARKER,
SUCCESSOR TO WEBB, 10ES & PARKER,
(Between Pool's Hotel and the Post Otice.
1Having bouaht the E N T I R E S T 0 C K
of the 1arness and Saddle Manufactory o
Messrs. Webh, Jones & Parker, I am pre
pared to do all kinds of work in this line.
Also wili keep on hand for sale, HARNESS,
SADDLE3, &e., HARNESS LEATLHER,
SOLE LEATHER, UPPER LEATIlER, &c.
of the best and chcaest. REPAIRING
and all work done to order
At Cash Prices and at Shortesl
Apr. 15, 1~-tf.
THE FALL SESSION
WiL.L COMMENCE ON THE 16TH SEPT.
A. P. PlIER, A. M., Princial
WITh COMPETENT ASSISTANTS.
The adva:.tages afforded by this institu
tion tor a thorongh anid comnplete educa
tion, re second to no other in the State
Tuition is low, viz: from $12.50 to $2'2.5(
in advance, or on satisfactory secarities.
Boarding in private families at moederate
For further particulars enquire of the
Secretary of the Board, Mr. S. P. Boozer,
or of A. P. PIFER,
July 29, O0-tf. Principal.
NEWBERRY, S. C.
IHavng permanently located in Newber
ry, I respectfully inform the citizens of th<
town, and surrounding country, that I art
prepared to execute all orders which ma.r
be entrusted to me in my line. My loni
expeiencee as a Merchant Tailor, makes m<
confident that I will give entire satisfaction
and all I ask is a fair trial. Cutting in the
latest style, and all work done in the neat
Piace of business over Capt. J. F. Speck'
Cleaning and Repairing done prmptly
Se p. 30, l39--4m.
WM. C. BEE & CO.
Adger's Wharf, Charleston, S. C.
Liberal advances made upon consignment:
of Cotton and other produce to them u
Charleston, or through them to their cor
respondents in Liverpool, New York an<
Particular attention given to sale o
upland C'otton. JRVY
w. C. Bas, |ErGsEEP xvY
T E. I). JERvY, j LAcaRss N. CursotM
Oct. 2S, 4.3-4mr.
Is a rehgious Manzine.
Advocates Brotherly love amuong ChriL
Ias a Local Department.
c*inttc aund Literary Notes.
Twentyfour P'ages and Cover.
5.ubscriptions recived at the Newberr;
r s end W3LM P. .TACOBS,
Nov IL 45-tf. Cliniton, . C.
GET A GREAT DEAL OF TRADE
They will find it to their advantaget to ar
No.1L 45-tf. CLINTON. s. C.
JOHN C. DIAL
COLUMBIA, S. C.,
Has a full stock of Building Materia
ICarpenters, Blacksmiths', Masons' and Tar
All RoodIs warranted as represented.
, Prices as low as the lowest for good good
y Orde.rs.-with the cash, or satisfactory r
fernces, promptly attended to.
o. 4A M-8n. .-.
AFT 1) Vj~ OE R
Af.ter flhe stio-.er,
Tih ranquil sun
Siv i'tr hen
T!:e day is done.
Arter the snow,
Thc ;nera'd leaves
AfMer the harvest,
A fter the Clouds,
The violet sky;
Quiet woods when
The wind goes by.
After the tempest,
The lull of waves;
After the battle,
After the knell,
The wedding bells;
F.-n sad farewelLs.
After the bud,
The radiant rose;
Af:(r our weepiug,
The blis3ful meed
After the furrow,
The waking seed.
After the flight,
The downy nest;
Over the shadowy
A arrag oI Snpeculation.
TEANSLATED FROM THE FRENCH.
The French entered Amsterdam
the 20th of January, 1815. The
soldiers stacked their arms on the
pavements, and waited anxiously
for their billets for quarters,
Despite the severity of the
weather, the citizens turned out in
large numbers to welcome and ad
mire the veterans in their rags.
There was a general rejoicing
throughout the city, which for the
most nrt was illuminated. At the
extreme end of the town there was
a single house, whose dark, forbid
ding aspect was in strong contrast
to the If-illiant appearance of the
neighboring buildings. It was the
residence of the rich merchant
Meister Woerdon. He was com
pletely absorbed in his commercial
operations, and neither knew nor
cared to know what was going on
in the political world ; and then, he
was too familiar with the rules of
economy to think of squandering
canales on an ilhumination.
At this moment, when all was
joy and enthusiasm throughout
Amsterdam. Meister Woerden sat
quietly in his big arm-chair beside
the fire. On the table there was a
little brass ]amp, a mug of beer,
and a big clay pipe. On the other
side of the fire sat an old maid-ser
vant, whose rotundity betrayed her
Flemish origin. She was occupied
in shoving back the coals that had
fallen out on the hearth, when there
tame a ioudl knock at the street
"Who can that be?" "Go and
see," said the old merchant to the
maid, who had risen to her feet.
A few mo.ments later a stalwart
young man entered the room. He
threw off his mantle and approach
ed the fire.
"Good evening, father," said he.
"How ? Is it you, William ? I did
not expetL you back so soon."
"I left B3roek this morning, but
the roads have been made so bad
by the army-trains that we have
been the whole day on the way."
"Well, did you see Van Elburg ?"
"Yes," said the young man, seat
ing himself before the fire ; "Meis
ter van Eihurg consents to the mar
riage, but he adheres to his determi
nation to give his daughter a dowry
of only four thousand ducats."
S"Well, then, he may keep his
daughter and his dowry," replied
Woerden. with a frown.
"Not a word, my son ! At your
age we have no more sense than to
saciificc every thing for love, and
to d<spise riches."
"But Herr v-an Elburg is the rich
est mcrehant in Holland, and what
he does not give now will be ours
at his death."
"Nonse:nse " reop lieda Meister
Woerden. "Am I too, not sick ?
Listen, my son. You will soon fol
low .ne in my business. Never for
get these two rules; never give
more thr.n you receive, and never
further another man's interest to
the dettiment af your~ own. Guided
by these principles, one will better
his conition in marriage as well as
" 'Not another word, my son-not
William knew his father too well
to say any thing more, but he could
not avoid evincing his displeasure.by
his manner.- To this, however, the
old man paid no attention ; he calm
ly-filed his pipe, lighted it, sand be
man tQ moke. -
Again there was a loud rap at
the street-door, while at the same N
time the dogs began to bark. k
--Aba said Meis'er Woerden. ft
"it muist be a stranger, or the dogs P
wouldn't bark so. Go and see who n
it i. Wiliai.- T
T"he young man went to the win- P
"It is one of the militia horse
men," said William. ai
"Militia horseman ! What can he i
At this moment the maid-servant I
entered and handed Woerden a let
ter. He carefully examined the 01
"From the provisional govern- rr(
ment," said he. th
His hand trembled as he hastily in
opened the letter and read it, but CC
suddenly the old tradesman's face 'a
lighted up with a joyous expres- at
sion as he cried: at
"Good-good! I accept." ON
The letter contained an order for at
four hundred thousand herrings for
the army to be delivered within a ri'
"William," cried the old man, "I ec
have a capital thought. You would
marry Van Elburg's daughter, and a
have a handsome dowry with her ?" ca
"Yes, father, I would; but-" qi
'Well, leave the matter to me,"
interrupted the old man. "But tv
see that there are two horses ready di
for us to-morrow morning, early." ui
The next morning, at sunrise,
father and son were on the high- to
road from Amsterdam to Broek, hi
which they reached about midday. tL
They repaired immediately to the
residence of Van Elburg, who, when se
he saw them enter, cried out:
"Ab, good-morning, M e i s t e r ti:
Woerden ! Have you fled from the d
Parl- Ious.? In any case, you h
are welcome." tC
"No I flee from nobody. You
know I have nothing to do with si
politics. I come to propose a good b;
speculation to you" b
"es'? What is it?"
"I have an order from the govern
ment for four hundred thousand
herrings. to be delivered within a
month. Can you furnish me with
that number in. say three weeks ?"
"At what price ?"
"Ten florins a thousand."
"Ten 1lorins! Yes, Iwill furnish
"Veig well, and now to dinner:; I
am half famished. At the table we h
will talk of another matter."
Woerden introduced the subject
of th.e marriage, but Van Elburg
could not be persuaded to increase i
the dowry he had offered to give his
daughter to the amount of a single b
stiver. They nevertheless decided
that the wedding should take place l
that day next week.
The following day, Woerden ande
his son returned home. Hardlyc
had they left Broek when the young
"Then, father you have changed
your mind ?"
"How so ?
"Have you not decided to accept
thie dowry offered by Meister Van
Elburg ?" .
"Let me manage the matter in
my own way, my son, and ask no
When the wedding-day came.
Woerden and his son returned to
Broek. .Van Elburg received them
kindly, but he was so flurried and
nervous that William feared he hadV
some bad news for them. His fa
ther, however, had no such misgiv
ings; the old fox knew too well the
cause of his colleague's disturbed
"What is the matter, Meister V an
BElburg ?" he asked, with a sardonic
smile. "You seem to be worried
"Ah, my friend, I am greatly em
barrqssed. I must speak with you."~
"What is it ? Have you changed
your mind with regard to the mar
riage. SpeaLk frankly ; it is not too
"No no: it is another matter en
"XVeli then, let us first proceed
wit.h t he wedding-erem ony. A.fter
wva:d I shall be quite at yoiu' ser
The company, therefore, repaired
to a neighboring church, and in a
fw minutes the young p)eople were
husband and wife. When they re
turned to the house, Van Elburg
asked Woerden to go with him in
to his private room.
"Miy friend," began Van Elburg,
when he had carefully closed the I
door. "in accordance with our
agreemien t, I should within two
weeks from now deliver to you four~
hundred thousand herrings. Thus
far, however, I have not been able
to procur'e a 'single one. There are
none in the market ; they have been
all bought up."
"Certainly they have, I bought
4hem up myself," replied Woerden,
"But-but-how about my con
tract,n aammered Yan Elburg. I
"You will fiill it. Listen, friend
an lburg: you will sone (ay
av.e vour daughter a handsome
>rtano; I shall leave my son at
as muh: it is therefore unn
cesarv to discuss thcir future.
his, however, is not true of the
:esent I shall soon give my en- I
re business to my son, while you
.ve your daughter only four thous
id ducats. I could not oppose
te wishes of the young people;
it when I consented to their union,
determined to compel you to do
>ur duty toward them. With this
>jcct in view, I contracted with
II for four hundred thousand her
ags, at ten forins a thousand, al
ough I then had all the herrings
the market. Now in order to
mply with the terms of your
-reement, you must buy from me,
td my price is fifty forins a thous
d; you have therefore, only to pay
er to me the sum of sixteen thous
A forins, and we shall be square."
While Meister Weorden was ar
ving at this mercantile deduction,
m Elburg regained his wonted
"I see, I see," said he, "you are
clever tradesman. I am fairly
ught, and must bide the conse
Their conference ended, and the
ro merchants rejoined the wed
ng-company, as though nothing
Lusualhad occurred between them.
A week later, Van Elburg went
Amsterdam, ostensibly to see
s daughter. Now the tables were
"Ah, meister," cried Woerden, on
eing his colleague from Broek,
am in a terrible dilemma. The
ne is approaching when I must
eliver the four hundred thousand
arrings, and not a cask can I find
I put them in !"
"That does not surprise me," an
vered Van Elburg, smiling; "you
ugiit up all my herrings, and I
u"It up all your casks."
ECEIT OF SONG WRITERS.
BY TIHE .FAT CONT1MU'ToR.
The man who w r o t e "Home,
weet Home," never had a home.
No, of course not, all his folks at
ome says he didn't. Nobody who
'r writes about anything ever had
.If a man is out of anything he
amediately goes and writes about
.No man writes so many "head
gs" as the man who is out of his
Certainly he didn't have any
ome. The man who wrote the
Did Arm Chair" never had an arm
2air in all his life. The best he had
as an old split-bottom without any
ack to it.
The author of "Take Me Back to
witzerland" never was in Switzer
~nd. The nearest he came to it
as sitting in the William Tell- Sa
on eating Switzer kase; kase why?
aat was the best that he could
"Mother, I've Come Home to
>ie" has not spoken to the old wo
ian for years, and wouldn't go near
e house. Besides he's of that
lass of spiritualists who don't be
eve they will ever die. His health
'as never better. His mother is
othing but a mother-in lawv, and
be is dead now, anyhow.
There is the author of "Old Oak
n Bucket," too. There wasn't a
ucket on the old farm, water being
lawn with a tin pail and a cistern
"If I Had but a Thousand a Year'
tated privately to his best friends
hat he would be contented with half
hat sum, as he was doing chores for
is board and three months school
g in the winter.
The author of "Champagne Char
ey" never drank anything but 1.0
The man who wrote "Mary Had
,Little Lamb" knew very well it
sas nothing but a little iamb fry.
"Shells of Ocean" is a humbug,
The very plaintive poet, who repre
ents himself as wandering, one
umnmer eve, with sea beat through.
> a pensive shore,was raised in the
atrior of Pennsylvania, and never
tas ten miles from horne in all his
ife. "Gathered shells," did he ?
ll the shells that'he ever gathered
vere some egg-shells back of his
"Hark I hear the Angels Sing'
pent all his evenings in a beer sa
jon. Angels indeed.
The man who wrote the "Song
>f the Shirt" hadn't a shirt to his
ack, wearing a wampus for the
"Oft in the Stilly Night" used to
~et on a spree and make the stilly
light howl till day' light.
The -author of "We Met by
hance'! knew very well it 'was' ar
anoed haforehand. He had beeil
a weK contriving it-and she ad
11-Ared his conLivance.
The author of "I know a Bank,"
&c.. didn't know one where he
coulti get his note discounted.
The only check he ever had was a
white check on a faro bank. He
never held a red check in all his
"What are the Wild Waves Say
ing ?" knew very well ihey were re
proaching him for running away
from Long Branch without paying
his hotel bill.
"Who will Care for Mother now?"
Who, indeed. You took the old
woman to the poor-house just be
fore writing the song, and there is
nobody but the poor-master to care
for her now.
"Hear me, Norma" was deaf and
dumb. He couldn't make his pa
hear nor ma.
"My Mother, Dear" used to thrash
the old woman within an inch of
The author of "Rain on the Roof"
always slept in the basement except
when he slept out of doors.
"Let Me Kiss Him for His Mo
ther" got mad because his mother
wouldn't have him, and whipped
her little boy within an inch of his
"I Dreamed I Dwelt in Marble
Halls" used to cheat at marbles
when a boy, and his dream was a
horrid nightmare, brought on by
the remorse at the recollection of
fraudulent marble hands.
"I'm Saddest when I Sing" was
tickled almost to death when invited
"Happy Be Thy Dreams" sold
benzine whiskey. You can fancy
what kind of dreams were produ
Recently it occurred to Mr. Smiley,
of Darby, that it would be a good
thing to go out to see if he could
not shoot a rabbit or two. He al
ways kept his gun loaded and ready,
in the corner of the room, so he
merely shouldered it and went out.
After awhile he saw a rabbit, and
taking sim he pulled the trigger.
The gun failed to go off. Then he
pulled the other trigger, and the
cap snapped again, and then, taking
a pin, he picked the nipples of the
gun, primed them with a little pow
der, and then started again. Pre
sently he saw another rabbit, but
both caps snapped again. The rabbit
did not see Smiley, so he put on
more caps, and then they snapped
too. Then Smiley cleaned out the
nipples again, primed them, and
fired the gun off at a fence. Then
the caps snapped again. Smiley
became furious, and in his rage he
expended forty-seven caps in an
effort to make the gun go off.~
When the forty-seventh cap missed
also, Smiley thought there might
perhaps be something the matter
with the inside of the gun, so lie
tried the barrels with his ramrod.
To his utter dismaiy he discovered
that both barrels were empty. Mrs.
Smiley who is nervous about fire
arms, had drawn the loads without
telling Smiley, for fear of making
him angry. If there had been a
welkin anywhere about it would
would probably have been made to
ring with Mr. Smiley's excited de.
nunciations of Mrs. Smilev. Final
ly, however, he became cooler, and
and loading both barrels, he start
ed again after rabbits. He saw one
in a few moments, and was about
to fire, when he noticed that there
were no caps on his gun. He felt
for one, and to his dismay found
that he had snapped the last one off.
Then he ground his teeth and walk.
ed home. On his way there he saw
at least six hundred rabbits. HE
has been out hunting every day
since. however, with his gun in
first-rate order, and he has nevei
laid eyes on a solitary rabbit. Smi
ley is beginning to think something
is wrong in the government of the
The latest new thing in Brook
lyn. New York, is a Lady Washing
ton Tea Party, at the Academy3
of Music. Revohitionary uniforms
have been obtained from the Pnt
man Phalanx and elsewhere. Ladies
andi getintl will attend in the
dress5 of the time3, the gentlemet
in knee b)reeches, silk stockings
cntaway coat and bag wig, and thE
ladies in the cap, scarf. stomacher
and petticoat of jye olden time."
Have the corage to cut the mosi
agreeable acquaintance you hav
when you are convinced that hE
lacks principle. A friend shioul
bear with a friend's infirmities bu
not with his vices.
A fashionable lady went to a part~
not long since. She arrived ther4
about the first of the evening, bu
the last of lier dress did not arrivi
nntil after -12 o'clock.
AN IN'TER VIEW WITH MARK
Mark Twain has been interveiw
ed. It took some preparation to
get Mr. Twain's mind in a condi
tion to be interviewed-he didn't
take to it naturally though he was
extremely willing. At last how
ever, the interviewer got Mark's
wandering attention fixed and at it
they went in good earnest.
Q. How old are you?
A. Nineteen, in June.
Q. Indeed! I would have taken
you to be thirty-five or six. Where
were you born?
A. In Missouri.
Q. When did you begin to write?
A. In 1836.
Q. Why, how could that be, if
you are only nineteen now ?
A. I don't know. It does seem
curious somehe w.
Q. It does indeed. Who do you
consider the most remarkable man
you ever saw?
A. Aaron Burr.
Q. But you never could have
met Aaron Burr if you're only 19
A. Now, if you know more about
me than I do, what do you ask me
Q. Well it was only a suggestion;
nothing more. How did you hap
pen to meet Burr?
A. Well I happened to be at his
funeral one day and he asked me to
make less noise, and
Q. But good heavens! if you
were at his funeral, he must have
been dead-and if he was dead, how
could he care whether you made a
noise or not?
A. I don't know. He was al
ways a particular kind of a man
Q. Still, I don't understand.it all.
You say he spoke to you, and that
he was dead?
A. I didn't say he was dead!
Q. But wasn't he dead.
A. Well, some said he was, and
some said he wasn't.
Q. What did you think?
A. O, it was none of my busi
ness! it wasn't any of my fune
Q. Did you-However, we can
never get this matter straight
Let me ask about something else.
What was the date of your birth.
A. Monday, October 31, 1693.
Q. What ! impossible ! T h a t
would make you 180 years old.
How do you account for that ?
A. I don't account for it.
Q. But you were only 19 rud
now you make yourself out to be
180. It is an awful discrepancy.
A. Why, have you noticed that ?
(Shaking hands.) Many a time it
has seemed to me like a discrepan
cy, but somehow I couldn't make up
my mind how quick you notice a
This was but the beginning-be'
fore that interview was over there
must have been one, at least, of the
race of inquirers who had his curi
EARLY DAYs Pn TE-zssEE.-When
a lady went to Dover or Palmyra,
our commercial cities in those days,
and bought a calico dress, says an
exchange, speaking of early days in
Tennessee, it aroused and excited
the whole community more than
the killing of a bear caught in the
cow-pen, which was a frequent oc
currence. When a calico dress was
purchased, the news spread like
wildfire. It was narrated abroad
that such a one had bought a
calico dress. In those days we had
our sugar camps, and made our own
sugar; coffee was bought at our
commercial cities, and used only
on Sundays. Milk, the best and
most healthy beverage in the world,
was daily used, and the rose bloom
ed and played upon every girl's
cheek. There were no calomel
doctors' bills to pay. They are
worthy and useful profession of the
present day. We had meeting
houses in those days, made of log;
and clapboards. We called it going
to meeting. The elegant phras<
now is to attend church, and to g<
in buggies and carriages. We walk
ed from three to five miles in going
to meeting, playing with the girl
all the way. I have seen fron
fifty to one hundred ladies walking
barefooted to meeting. carrying
their shoes and stockings in theia
hands, and on arriving, sitting dowr
along the branch, washing thei
beautiful feet, and putting on theia
stockings and shoes, prepars :or;
to going in.
An exchange gets off the follow
ing : 'We don't want to interfere
with anybody's domestic affairs. bui
if your wife asks you to read fron
the sixth chapter of Hebrews often,
the followving may account for it:
"A old citizen of Hopkins, Mo., whc
has been insane through constant
reading and study of the sixth chap
ter of Hebrews, recently committed
8nicide by hanging.'"
TRIALS AND TRIUMPHS OF
JOHN B. GOUGH.
A New York correspondent of the
Chicago Times writes: One of the
most successful lecturers of the day
is John B. Gough, who began his
career as a speaker in favor of tem
perance. Born in Landgate, Eng
land, fifty-seven years ago, his
father being a pensioned soldier
who had fought under Wellington,
and his mother a school-mistress,
he came to this country as appren
tice to an emigrating tradesman, in
his thirteenth year, and took up
his abode on a farm in Oneida
county in this State. Soon after,
he removed to New York, and went
to work as a book binder. Con
vivial habits grew upon him until
he became a confirmed drankard.
Penniless, homeless, degraded, it
was his custom to resort to the low
est grogeries in the Sixth ward to
play the buffoon for liquor. At twen
ty-two he attempted to reform, .md
got married. He was doing quite
well as a book-binder when he fell
once more into intemperance, lost
his wife and child, and sunk to the
condition of a wretched outcast. A
benevolent Quaker, meeting him in
the streets one day, induced him to
take the pledge.
After that he went to a temper
ance meeting, and related his expe
rience with such power and effect
that he became a prominent orator
in the cause. Two or three years
later he violated his pledge; made
confession of the fact in Worcester,
Mass., and has since had strength
enough to be entirely abstemious.
In 1853 he went to England, at
the invitation of the London Tem
perance League, and lectured to
immense audiences. 0 f recent
years he has devoted himself to the
Lyceum, and has found his profit in
it. He has twice as many offers he
can fill, and is, probably, the most
popular speaker in the country: He
has lectured as many as two hun
dred and fifty times during a sea
son, and has cleared from $20,000
DRiNInG FoR THE EFFEcTS.-He
said he didn't care anything about
liquor, only the effects. He never
liked the taste of it, always made
him "gag" to drink it; and he made
up an awful face as he took it down.
But it was the effects he was after.
If it wasn't for the effects he would
never drink a drop of liquor in all
his life. He was a nice young man
when we first beard him say that.
He had health, good looks, proper
ty and a respectab!e position in so
ciety. The only perceptible effects
of his potations then were the height.
ened color in his cheeks, increased
brilliancy of the eyes and vivaci
ty in conversation. He was gener.
onls and liberal with his money, too'
and had a "host of friends." Well.
he kept on drinking for the effeets
and he got them, as every man will
who keeps at it long enough. The
last time we saw him he was that
most pitiful object a human wreck.
He was standing at a bar pleading
for a drink on time, his trembling
fingers being unable to Thmd even a
solitary nickel in the pockets of his
ragged apparel. He had kept on
gagging over his whiskey and drink.
ing for the efe'ets until he hadn't
any effects left except those painful.
ly apparant ones, poverty, disease.
privation and vanished respectabili
ty. Verily, he got the effects.
WI'SDOM OF THE EGYvrnxs.-Philol
ogists. astronomers, chemists, pain
ters, architects and physicians must
return to Egypt to learn the origin of
writing- a knowledge of the calen
1dar and solar motion-of the art os
cutting granite with a copper chiseil
and of giving elasticity to a coppet
sword-of making glass of the va
Iriegated hues of the rainbow-of
Imoving single blocks of polishe:
syenite nine hundred tons in weight
-for any distance by land or water
of building arches round and point
ed, with Masonic precision unsur
passed at the present day, andante
cedent by two thousand years t<
-the Cloaca Maximd of Rome-o
sculpturing a Doric column on
thiousand years before the Dorian:
are known in history-of fresc<
painting in imnperishable colors
and of practical knowledge in ma
Isonry. And it is no less clear tha
1every craftsman can behold oi
-Egyptian monuments the progres
-of his art four thousand years ago
.whether it be a wheelwright build
jug his chariot, a shoemaker draw
ing his twine, a leather-cutter using
-that selfsame form of knife which is
considered the best form now or a
weaver thr>wing the same hand
What is the best key for a Christ.
ma;.box ? A tur-key.
LThe vegetable that young ladies
love is. to-match-oh1
RICHARD HIMSELF AGAIN.
The irrepressible Defoit Free
Press man writes: "It has never
been definitely settled to the satis
faction of the public who the Man
in the Iron Mask was, but genera
tions to come will know all about
Dick Palmer, who got inside of
something worse than a maak His
mother sent him after a brass ket
tle. which one of the neighbors had
borrowed, and on the way home
the boy turned the kettle upside
down and put it on his head. An
other boy struck it a blow, and it
shut down over Dick's face as close
as a ciam in his shell, one of the
ears digging into his head behind,
and the other pressing on his nose.
The victim jumped and shouted
and clawed at the kettle, but he
couldn't budge it. A man came
along and lifted at it, but Dick's
nose began to come out by the
roots. and the man had to stop. A
crowd ran out of the corner gro
cery, Dick's"mother was sent for,
and the boys jumped up and down
and cried 'Oh golly !" without ceas
ing. One boy said they would have
to take a cold chisel and drill Dick
out of the kettle, and another said
they'd have to melt the kettle off;
while everybody tapped on it to see
how solidly it was on. Then they
tried to lift it off; but Dick roared
'murder' until they stopped. Soma
said grease his head, some said
grease the kettle, while the boy's
mother sat down on the curbstone
and cried out, '0 Richard, why did
you this?' The crowd took it
coolly; it wasnt their funeral, and
a boy with a brass kettle on his
head isn't to be seen every day.
Tears fell from the kettle, and a
hollow voice kept repeating, 'Tll
never do it again.' Finally they
had Richard on the walk, and, while
one man sat on his legs and an
other on his stomach, a third com
pressed the kettle between his hands,
and the boy crawled out, his nose
all scratched and twisted out of
shape, a hole in his head, and a
bump on his forehead. His mother
wildly embraced him, all the boys
cried 'Hip la!' and little Richard
was led home to loaf around on the
lounge and have toast and fried
eggs for a week."
Two STRANGE HuAN BNS.-I
was once sitting in a cool under
ground saloon at Leipsic, while
without people were ready to die
from heat, when a new guest enter
ed and took a seat opposite me. The
sweat rolled in great drops down
his face, and he was kept busy with
his handkerchief.till at last he found
relief in the exclamation, "Fearfully
hot." I watched attentively as he
called for a cool drink, for I ex
pected every moment that he would
fall from his chair in afit of apoplexy.
The man must have noticed that
I was observing him, for he turned
toward me suddenly, saying, "I am
a curious sort of person, am I not?"
"Why ?" I asked. "Because I per
spire only on the right side-" And
so it was ; his right cheek and the
right half of his forehead were as
hot as fire, while the left side of his
face bore not a trace of perspira
tion. I had never seen the like, and,
in my astonishment, was about to
enter conversation with him regard
Iing t?he physiological curiosity,
when his neighbor on the left broke
in with the remiark, "Then we are
the opposite and counterparts of
each other, for I perspire only oni
the left side." This, too, was the
fact. So the pair took seats oppo
site to each other, and shook hands
like two men who had just found
each his other half.
[Popular Science Monthly.
If a woman's child plays truant
now-a-days, she frantically tears
away to the police, screaming that
her darling has been kidnapped.
With touching filial affection an
agricultural paper remarks, "make
manure of your old fodder."
The Shah of Persia has given or
Fders for a full corps of blonde ballet
Have the courage to acknowledge
your ignorance, rather than to seek
for knowledge under false pretenses.
how sharper than a serpent's
thanks it is to have a toothless
Sorrows are the shadows of past
When does a man feel gir'lish ?
When heC makes his maiden speech.
Silver sardine boxes are now
given to bridal couples.
IIow to find a girl out-call
Swhen she isn't in.
Trails are worn to some extent.