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A Family Companion, Devoted to Literature, Miscellany, News, Agriculture, Markets, &c.
Vol. XII. WEDNESDAY MORNING, APRIL 26, 1876. No. 17.
THlbE H ER AL D
EVERY WED-NESDAY MORNING,
At Newberry, S. C.
BY THOS, Fe GRENDKERt
Editor and Proprietor.
Terims 2~ per .Innum,
Inva4zably in Advance.
Dm The paper is stopped at the expiration 0f
time for which it is paid.
27- The >1 mark denotes expiration of sub
[From the' ew York World.]
THE CABINET GRANT BUILT.
This is the Cabinet Grant bifilt.
(Williams, Delano, Pierrepont,
Chandler, Robeson, Borie, Creswell,
This is the Secretary of War,
That was pat in the Cabinet Grant bailt,
(VF. W. Belknap.)
This is the Bribe which didn't abhor
The mode! Secretary of War
That was put in the Cabinet Grant built.
This is the fat Post Tradership for
Which the Bribe he didn't abhor
Was paid to the Secretary of War
That was put in the Cabinet Grant bailt.
(Fort Sill Tradership.)
L These are the soldiers at Fort Sill
Who paid for whiskey a dollar a gill,
To reimbarse Marsh and Evans for
The Bribe that took and didn't abhor
--- The model Setretary of War
That ws pnt in the CIAbinet Grant bnilt.
and preparing for the spring cam
paign. Though there was nothing
exciting in all this, it was very try
ing to the men, for the season was
unusually severe, and the hospitals
were well filled.
One morning Hill came to my
- "Well, Hill," said I, as he enter
ed, "what can 1 do for you this
"I wish to go on the sick list, if
you please, sir," he replied in a qui
I started, and looked at him
searchingly. Though I had seen
the young soldier often, I had nev
er been in his presence before. He
was a slight, finely formed fellow,
with the most effeminate face I ever
saw. Had he been a woman, I
should have called him a beauty;
and as it was, I could not deny him
the distinction of being pretty.
His voice was soft and clear, and,
though it did not seem to be that of
a man,was hardly that of a woman. I
gazed at him searchingly, but he
bore my scrutiny well.
"You are not sick, I hope ?" I
remarked, at length.
"I am broken down, doctor," he
answered. "I have been on guard
for five successive nights."
"The deuce you have!" 1 exclaim
ed, in astonishment. "The regi
ment. isn't so short of men as that,
."No, six," he replied, quietly. "I
was kept,on by the colonel's orders.
He says the guard duty is very im
portant just now, and he wants the
best men in the regiment to be put
"Has he kept any one else on so
long ?" I questioned.
"No, sir, I would not have come
to you to-day, but that I am inca
pable of standing another night.
I should fall asleep on post from
sheer exhaustion. Then I suppose
I would be shot for sleeping in the
presence of the enemy."
"By Jove !" I muttered, "that's
what Colonel Anson is up to."
I spoke louder than I intended.
He heard me, and replied in a tone
in which there was some bitterness,
in spite of his efforts to repress
"I am afraid so, sir. I do not
see why Col. Anson should dislike
me so much. I never merited his
displeasure. Heaven knows," he
added, and I saw his features trem
ble as with a sharp pain, "I would
die to serve him.''"
"Very good;" I said. "You can
remain at your guarters for two
days and consider yourself on the
sick list for that time."
Thanking me, he went away.
The fellow perplexed me. I was
confident that there was some mnys
tery existing between him and the
colonel, and known only to these
two. While I was musing upon
this, the colonel .sent for me.
He received me with cold. polite
"What is the matter with Hill ?"
"He is broken down by the un
usual fatigue to which he had been
subjected. Five successive turns
o guazrd duty would kill a much
stronger man than he is."
"Who has kept him on so long ?"
asked the colonel, biting his lip.
"He was kept on by your orders,
I believe, sir," I replied, looking
him full in the face; "and I must
say, colonel, that I am surprised at
your putting him to such a test,
unless you wish to kill him."
Colonel Anson started, and look.
ed at me searchingly.
"Has Hill dared to reflect upon
the conduct of his commanding
officer ?" he asked, coldly, but with
out meeting my eye.
"He sai~d no more than every
one in the regiment has," I replied,
"that he regretted having gained
your dislike, as he was sure he had
done nothing to merit it."
"Was that all he said, doctor ?"
"He added," I replied, after hesi
tating a moment, "that he would
gladly die to serve you.",
An expression of intense pain
swept over Colonel Anson's face;
but he was silent. After a brief
Ipause he said quietly : "I will not
Idetain you longer, doctor. I am
sorry to hear of Hill's sickness."
I was more perplexed when I
left the room than I was when T n
Itered it: and during the long ai
ter I had no means of gratifying
my curiosity. Indeed, it was in
tensified by the fact that, at the ex
press request of Colonel Anson, th<
President promoted Hill to a
vacant lieutenancy in his company
At last we went to the Peninsula,
ard ere long my regiment was call.
ed on to participate in the des
perate battle of Fair Oaks. That
engagement brought me .w o r k
enough, for my regiment suffered
terribly. As hardened as I thought
I had become, I grew faint and
sick 6ver the drsadful work that
gave me neither rest nor hope of
rest. The little fi e 1 d hospita]
which I had established on the edge
of the swamp seemed to me a per
feet slaughterhouse, and I longed
more eagerly than I had ever do-ne
for a cessation of the fighting. It
came at last, a little after ten o'clock
on Sunday morning.
I had cleared out my hospital,
and had sent my last man across
the Chickahominy. My assistants
were absent for some purpose, and
I was the only person in the little
structure of boughs. Suddenly I
was aroused from a reverie into
which I had fallen, by the hurried
entrance of some one. I looked
up and saw Colonel Anson stand
ing before me. He was pale and
exhausted, and was bleeding from
a deep cut in the head. He held
in his arms the inanimate form of
Lieutenant Hill. I never saw so
much grief in a human face as was
written on that of Colonel Anson,
as he laid his burden on the rude
"Be quick, doctor, for Heaven's
sake !" he said, painfully.
"But you are wounded, colonel !
I exclaimed, when my astonishment
vould let me speak.
"Never mind me," was the quick
retort. "Attend to this one."
Hill waswounded in the breast,
and I saw at a glance that it was
a da3igerous and a doubtful case. I
bent down to loosen his coat, and
examined the injury. I could do no
good. The aim had been true, and
the ball had gone right through
the heart. This was not my ~only
discovery. I had learned a part of
the mystery that hung over Hill.
"Heavens, colonel !" I exclaimed,
looking up at bien. "This is a wo
"The only one that ever loved me,
groaned the colonel. "She followed
me here in male disguise ; and this
morning when I was in danger,
saved me, who had done nothing
but wrong her, at the cost of her
own life. She was my - wife, doc
He left me before I could speak.
This was all I ever knew. The
next day the colonel was shot in a
skirmish. I had him buried in the
grave where we had laid his wife.
and to this day I have never learn
ed the secret of their unhappy lives.
Hrs Luom EXPwMNTON.-A Chi
cago woman who had been reading
about the whiskey frauds in thE
paper, turned to her husband and
'My dear, what do the papers
mean by saying that the man has
'Why,' replied the man loftily,
'they mean that some member of
the ring has peached on the rest.
'Peached on the rest ?' exclaimed
the wife ; 'now what does thai
'Why, it means that he's-he's
blowed on 'em.'
'Blowed on them.'
'Yes;~ you see he's given 'em.
'Given as. ay.'
Why, of course-dummit ! Can'1
you.understand anything ! D)o yov
think I'm an unabridged dictionary?
continued the husband impatiently
'It means he's-he's let out on'e
-gone back on his pals-squealed
you know ?'
The woman did not seem quite
satisfied with the man's lucid ex
planation ; but not wishing to ap
pear ignorant in her husband's eyes,
she remarked :'Ah, yes I see,' and
questioned no further.
Temperance consists. in a moder
ate use of all things calculated tc
benefit and a total abstinence, fron
Iall things calculated to injure man
THE BONELESS MAN.
A BRILLIANT INVENTION, AND WHAT BE ]
FEL ON ITS TRIAL TRIP.
A man who lives on the South I
hill is grieviously afflicted because I
the lady 'who superintended the i
weekly purifications of the wearing a
apparel at home always leaves a I
net-work of clothes-line spread all t
around his back yard. And when v
he made complaint to her about it i
she addressed him in the musical i
accents of Christine Nilsson's native a
language and overwhelmed him i
with a torrent of eloquence that he a
could not understat d. And when a
he remonstrated with his wife and
daughter about it they laughed him y
to scorn, and his daughter, who t
was educated at Vassar and can :
hustle her terrified parent out of I
the house with one hand, told him m
if he interfered any more in
that department around that house s
he'd get drowned in the wash tub.
So this man suffered. One bitter "
cold morning he ran out to the
woodshed after kindling and the first
line caught him under the chin and v
pulled his neck till it was a foot c
long, and he ran into the house h
and frightened his wife into fits by t
his terrible appearance, and she f
threatened to apply for a divorce d
if he ever made faces at her in tl at t
way again. It was nearly three g
hours before his neck shrunk back v
to its natural size. And a few r
nights after that he was all dressed
to go to a party with his family a
and went bounding down the back b
yard to see that the alley gate I
was fastened, and a slack line g
caught him amidships, let-him ran -h
out the slacks, and then when c
it hanled taut, just picked him up, a
tossed the breath out of him, turn- a
ed him.clean over and chucked him i
down on his back, splitting his 1i
coat from tail buttons to the neck. s
And he couldn't speak, and he c
couldn't breathe, only abont thirty 1
cents on the dollar, so he couldn't r
answer his wife and daughter when t
they screamed to him that they were c
ready, and they concluded that he f
had run away to avoid going with I
them, so they went off without him, e
and never went back till 11 o|clock, c
and the man lay out in the back yard, 1:
all that time trying to die. And r
one time after that he was jogging t
across the back yard with arms a
full of about three hundred pounds t
of hard wood, and he was laugh- r
ing like a hyena at something he il
had read in the Hawk Eye, when a3
clothes prop slipped just as he t
passed under the line and dropped t
on his head, raising a lump as big t
as an egg, and he fell forward and t
the line caught in his mouth, and
sawed it clear back to his ears so
that when he tried to smile the c
top of his head only hung on a
Well, t h e s e things naturally
weighed on his mind and depressed
him, but they set him to thinking,
and he went to work and invented
a patent clothes line reel, which was
enclosed in a heavy cast-iron box,
and was worked by a powerful auto
matic arrangement. You only had1
to wind up the box and set it for ~
a certain hour just like an alarm
clock and at thai hour the reel would
go off, and pull on the line like a C
team of mules ; the, spring hook
at the other end of the line would '
let go its hold, and that line would
be rolled up at the rate of a thous
and miles a minute. He said no
thing about his invention, but put
up the box, and told some lie about S
it to his family, which is a way men F
have, and he set it for 7 o'clock,
p. in., and wound it up strong.
Then he watched Miss Nilsson's I
compatriot run out the line and ad
just the hook, and he went away.
About 7 o'clock that evening,
while he was toasting his feet at1
the fire and reading the almanac,
the family were disturbed by un-t
mistakable indications of a fight
going on in the back yard between
a hurricane and an earthquake, in
which the earthquake appeared to
be getting a little the best of it.
The aifrighted family rushed to the
back door and looked upon a scene
of devastation and anarchy. The
air as ull f fagmets f lien
6nd cotton and red flannel, and
ihirt buttons and clothes pins and
ittle brass buckles were flying like
tail. The reel in the iron box
vas making about 60,000 revo
utions a minute, and was whirling
,round like a threshing machine,
nd the line was tearing around
he posts like a streak of runaway
ightning and the clothes were try
ag to keep along with it, and
round the posts they were rip
>ing, tearing and snapping more
han any cyclone that ever got lost,
rhile the line shot into the hole
a the iron box, the striped stock
ags and white shirts and things,
nd flannels and yarn socks and un
ershirts and more things, and
prons ani handkerchiefs,and sheets
nd things,and pillow-slips just rip
ed and tore Fnd snapped until the
ard and air were so full of lint
hat it looked worse than an arctic
now storm. Oh, it was dreadful.
b was horrible. Everybody shrieked
"Somebody's at the clothes line!"
3reamed the man's daughter.
"Good heavens!" yelled the man,
havn't you taken the clothes in ?"
"No!" they chorused.
The man thought he would save
rhat was left. He sprang at the
[othes line. He caught the flying
ook at the end with both hands, and
le next instant, before the terri
ed eyes of his shrieking wife and
aughter, he was jerked in through
le key hole in the iron box, a
uivering mass of boneless flesh,
rhile his glistening skeleton fell
%ttling upon the porch.
They gathered his frame-work
f the porch, and unlocked the
ox and drew out his covering.
le was not dead, -so deftly and
uickly had he been removed from
is frame-work. They sent for the
octors, but their skill could not
vail to get the man together again,
nd now he sits, limb and boneless,
i a high-backed easy chair, smi
ng at his grinning skeleton which
its in a chair on the opposite side
f the store grinning sociably at
is counterpart, and rattling hor
ibly every time it moves its
ony (?) legs, or scratches the top
f its glistening head with its gaunt,
eshless fingers. And thus that poor
ian will have to drag out a dual
xistence until death comes to both
i him. It is a painful, expensive
fe, for the skeleton eats just as
ich as the flesh, and the flesh has
ken to smoking ten cent cigars
nd the skeleton can't sleep a wink
ness it has a big hot whiskey every
ight at bed-time. And all this
Sthe result of wicked carelessness.
Vhat a dreadful warning it is to
hose, neglectful women who leave
he clothes lines stretched across
bie yard in every direction after
ight.-Burlington Hawk Ey.e.
HANGING A MAN.-Prof. Houghton
f the University of. Dublin has
een investigating the subject of
nmane hanging. He states that
r. Gibson, surgeon at Newgate,
:ngland, has frequently seen the
ictim struggle for more than twen
y minutes before becoming inani
nate, and proceeds to say: That
he old system of taking the con
ict's life by suffocation is inhuman
y painful, unnecessarily prolonged,
nd revolting to the spectators
rhose duty it is to be present.
That the object of an effective exe
ution by suspension should be the
nmediate rupture of the spinal col
mn by the fall. That the use of a
long drop" is not only much pre fera
le from a humanitarianpointof view
ut is the only method by which
le desired object cana be effectually
ttained. That the short fall and
osition of the knot employed for so
iany years by Calcraft are barba
ims which should cease to be
ermitted. That the fracture of
le spinal column can best be in
t~antaneously effected by placing
le knot under the chin and allow
ig a fall of at least ten feet. .That~
the carrying out of a capital sen
me care should be exercised in
le selection of a suitable rope.
the execution of Henry Wain
right it would seem from the
sublished accounts that these prin
iples were adopted by Marwood,
he executioner, and with perfect
uccess, and the instantaneous rap
are of the spine resulted fi-om
1acing the knot under the culprit's
FINDING OUT THE SECRET.
Mrs. Brown and her gossip, Mrs.
White, were conversing about hus
bands and the secrets of Free-mason
ry. Mr. Brown was a Freemason;
and the fact of not being able to
share the secrets of the order with
him made Mrs. Brown very un
happy. She was pouring out her
grief to Mrs. White and saying for
the thousandth time, 'I wonder what
they d- in the lodge room ?'
'I have no doubt but it's dread
ful,' replied Mrs. White. 'But if my
husband was a Mason, Il bet I'd
find out what he did.'
'But how? they dare not tell.'
'Ah! but Id make him tell.'
'How! oh, how!' asked Mrs.
'Hush! I'll tell you; but don't
breathe it for the world because it
is a dead secret.'
'No, no; I won't.'
'Well, do you know that tickling
a person's ear when. they are asleep
will make them talk '
'No. Will't though?'
'Yes. Now you wait till Brown
comes home from the lodge next
time. And have a broom-straw in
bed with you. Whenhe gets asleep
you tickle his ear with it gently,and
he will begin to talk about what he.
has been doing at the lodge, and
in this way you can get the whole
of the business out of him.'
'Gracious me! You don't say so,
'To be sure I do. I always get
my husband's secrets out of him in
"And you'll tell me all about it,
won't you !'
'Certainly. But you must never
say anything about it.'
'Oh, of course not. Im very
close-mouthed,' replied Mrs. White
So it was agreed upon, and they
separated. But unfortunately Mr.
White overheard the ccn-piracy,
and lost no time in informing Mr.
Brown, who laughed heartily over
A few minutes afterward Brown
attended a meeting of his lodge,
and his wife was alt anxiety regard
ing -it. On retiring she armed
herself with a straw from her
broom and wakefully waited for
her~ lord and master to return.
At last she had almost broken down
the veil of secrecy which had trou
bled her so long, and her heart beat
wildly when she heard him open the
front door and come in.
Of course she pretended to be
asleep and did not see the comical
smile on her husband's face as he
turned up the gas and began dis
robing for bed. But he said nothing,
and in a few moments he was com
fortablytuckedain and giving out pre
Then Mrs. Brown opened her
eyes cautiously, and convinced her
self that he had gone to that land
from which sleepy husbands never
return until some time next day.
Cautiously she reached under the
pillow, and took the broom-straw
from its hiding place. Then she
reached over! carefully and began
to tickle her husband's ear, and he
was all the while doing his best to
keep from exploding with laugh
Finally he began to talk a little,
and her ears were keenly alive to
'Yes, he must die,' said he. 'He
betrayed our secrets to his wife.
I've got to kill him-the lot fell on
Mrs. Brown screamed and leaped
from the bed, while her husband,
unable to control himself, gave vent
to his laughter and disturbed the
neighbors for the next ten minutes
But they never came to any under
standing about the strange affair.
She never asked him what he was
laughing at, and he never inquired
what it was which made her scream
and leap out of bed so quickly.
Mrs. White and Mrs. Brown
don't speak now. She thinks Mrs.
White played a joke on her, and
she seems to have lost much of
her anxiety regarding the secrecy
of Free Masonry.
One of the great battles we have
to fight in this world, is the battle
THANKSGIVING. IN DAN
It is just as necessary to have
poultry for a Thanksgiving din
ner, as it is to have light. A Dan
bury couple named Brigham, were
going to have poultry for their
dinner. Mr. Brigham said to his
wife, before the event:
"I saw some splendid chickens ia
front of Merril's store, to-day, and
I guess I'll get one of them this
afternoon, for to-morrow."
"i'll tend to that myself,'' said
Mrs. Brigham quickly.
"But I can get them; I'm going
right by there."
"But I don't wantyou to get it,"
she insisted. "Whlen I eat chick
en I want something I can put
my teeth in." And a hard look
came to her face.
He colored up at once.
"What do you mean by that ?"
"Just what I say," she explain
ed, setting her teeth together.
"Do you mean to say I don't
know how to pick out a chicken ?"
he angrily demanded.
.Well, I can just tell you, Mary
Ann Brigham, that I know more
about chickens in one minute than
you could ever find out- in a life
time. And furthermore, I am go.
ing to buy that chicken if one at
all is bought in this house," and he
struck the table with his fist.
"And I tell you John Joyce
Brigham," she cried,"that you don't
don't know any more how to pick
a good chicken than an unwean
ed madturtle; and if you bring a
chicken in this house .it will go
out quicker'n it came in. And
you can put that in your pipe
an' smoke it as soon as you want
"Whose house is this, I want to
know?" he fiercely demanded.
She frankly replied at once:
"I suppose it belongs to a flat
headed idiot with a wart on the
end of his nose, but a woman who
knows a spring chicken from a
hump-back camel is running the
establishment, and as long as she
does he can't bring no patent
lea.ther hens here to be cooked."
"You'll see what I'll do," , he
yelled, and he pulled his coat on,
and jammed his cap on his head,
with the fore-piece over the left
"You bring a chicken here if
you think best, Mister Brigham,"
That evening there was a nice,
fine chicken in the pantry, but he
didn't bring it. Perhaps he for
got to get his.
Dinner came the next day. Mr.
Brigham took his seat at the table,
as usual, but it was evident that
he intended mischief. Mrs. Brig
ham filled a plate with chicken,
mashed potatoes,and boiled onions.
It was a tempting dish, emiting a
delicious aroma. She passed it
to Mr. Brigham. He did not look
"Brigham," she said,"here's your
"I don't want any chicken," he
said, looking nervously around the
"Are you going to eat that chick
en ?" she demanded in a voice of
"No, I ain't-Wooh! ouch! ooh!"
She had sprung to her feet in a
flash, reached over the table,
caught him by the hair, and had
his face burrowing in the dish
of hot onions. It was done so
quick that he had no time to save
himself, and barely had time to
give utterance to his agonizing
exclamations which followed upon
"Are you going to eat that
chicken ?" she hoarsely demanded.
"Lemme up," he screamed.
She raised his head from the
dish, and jammed it on the. table.
"John Joyce Brigham," she hiss
ed between her set teeth, "this
is a day set apart by the nation ior
thanksgiving and praise. I got
that chicken to celebrate this day,
and-I ain't going to have my grat
itude and devotion upset by such
a runt as you are. Now I want
to know if you are going to eat
that chicken like a Christian, or
if you are going to cut up like a
rantankerous heathen ? Answer
me at once, or I'll jam your old
aknil intn a jelly."
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frox PaWw, ra a.
Done with Neatness and Dispatch
CtI-I'll eat it,'.' he moaned.
Then she let him up, and he
took his plate, and one* Thanks
giving meal, at least passed har
A SICK BABY IN THE HOVSE.
The -following beautifhal senti
ments will find a response in the
hearts of all. true. and tender mo
thers in the land:
A great bush falls on the' ear
like a knell, and an untold sadness
settles like a pall over the heart
for baby is sick. Is it not strange
that a wee little thing should
have the power to change -every
thing, mxaking the sunshine that
but yesterday played so. merrily
and bright in and out of the win
dow seem such a *cruel mockery
to-day, and changing the,joyous
tone of the elder chilctren into
funeral notes? But such -is the
spell that baby has *oven-knWt
ting in such a quiet subtile ipanner
-that wo scarcely know how_
dear she is until the little form is