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Jan. 9. 1-tf.
AN OLD HEN'S LAST "LAY.'
Once a man of great invention
Made a nest for hens to lay in,
With a mean deceitful bottom,
That would slide and let the egg out
Falling through a small aperture
Then would slide and close the hole up;
And he sold it to the owner
Of a hen, the boss producer
Of most delicate "hen fruitage."
Now the hen was mighty gritty,
And she spread herself to do it,
So she laid an egg enormous;
Then arose in great elation,
With her feathers all a-flutter,
And her body all a-cackle,
And she said, "as sure as shooting,
I have laid an egg exceeding
My most sanguine cackleations,
Far beyond my eggspectation.
Where's that egg? May stars and garters
In the name of all Eve's daughters'
Can I not believe my senses?
Surely I have not gone crazy !
Well, if this don't beat the dicken,
May I never hatch a chicken."
Long she pondered o'er the matter,
O'er this strange hallucination,
O'er this most complete deception;
Then she squared down to business,
And she laid another avis,
Though of course it was a-missing,
Though she scratched around the litter,
In her efforts to espy it.
But why make the story longer?
Thus in fatal repetition,
Of this eggy operation,
Passed the day until the evening,
When the owner came to find her,
Found her naught except her wattles,
Half her bill and some pin feathers,
While within the box beneath them,
Where that fooling slide had dropped them,
Found he eggs a half-a-bushel.
Gone, heroic Henawatha!
Died she In the nest of duty,
Victini of man's vile deception.
Surely she must have interment
With that nest as her sepulchre,
For she layed herself within It.
-Cincinnati Grange Bulletin.
Twenty Years Difference.
BY JUDGE CLARK.
'What a splendid figure !' ox.
claimed Wyley Stote, bringing
imself and the friend whose arm
he held to a dead bait in their
stroll along the beach.
'Arid whbat a magnificent air and
carriage !' be added ; 'whby won't
she turn her face this way ?'
Following the direction of Wy
ley's iook. his fri end, Dick Bow les,
found no difficulty in discoverin~
the object of this impromptu ad.
miration. It was a tall and rather
stately lady, lending her aid, at
the moment, to a quite elderly
gentleman, as the two ascended a
fight of steps leading from the
beach to one of the watering place
'I"l tell you what,' said Dick,
and there was a twinkle of mis.
chief in his eye-'he'll be a lucky
fellow who makes an impressior
in thbat quarter ?'
'Do you know her'?'
'Kno w Priscilla Helvin !-wby,
she's a distant relative of mine,
with ever so many thousands ii
possession, and ever so many
more in prospect in the death of
her father there.'
Wyley Stote was a man at once
susceptible and fickle. He had
been many times in love and seo
erai times engaged, and was, at
prsent, under a sort of fast and
loose engagement with Florg
Sabin, who was young and pretty,
but not rich ; and Wyley could be
have had his way, would have
preferred in a wife the combined
attractions of wealth and beauty.
Tbe walk was [not prolonged.
Wyley withdrew to his chamber
for" meditation. and devoted sov
eral hours to that exercise. He
was very fond of Flora Sabin, but
she had neither money nor ex
pectations-none, at least tha1
he knew of. He bad offered bei
his hand arid she bad partly ae
capted it; but a reasonable wo
man, according to his philosophby
couldn't expect a man to sacrifici
too much for the sake of a mere
promise ; and here was a brilliani
match, not beyond his reach witi
his friend Dick's assistance. True
he hadn't seen Miss ilelvin's face
That might spoil all1; for not ever
wealth should ever tempt him t(
marry an ugly woman.
TIhe result of" his cogitationi
may be thna snmmed upD : 4
would ask Dick Bowles for an in
troduction to his rich relation,
and if her face was equal to her
fortune, aid her consent was ob
tainable, she should speedily be
come Mrs. Wyley Stote, and poor
Flora might console herself as
best she might while waiting for
W hen Dick and Wyley met
that evening, and the latter ex
pressed his wish to be introduced
to Miss Priscilla, he was much
chagrined to learn that she and
her father had departed with the
afternoon train without intending
'I would have given anything
to see her face !' sighed Wyley.
'If that's all, I can easily gratify
you,' said Dick; exhuming an old
album from his trunk. 'Here's a
photograph she gave me once.'
A single glance threw Wyley
into ecstasies. The features m ere
'She's an angel l' cried Wyley. I f
'With golden wings,' suggested
Dick, with a worldly wink. t
'My friend,' said Wyley, grasp. I
ing Dick's hand, 'you must stand
by me in this!'
'With all my heart,' replied the
latter, 'and I'll tell you the way
to proceed. Priscilla is the most
romantic creature of her sex.
Commonplace wooing would be
thrown away upon her. You
must write her a letter. Say that
you, a stranger, fell hopelessly in
love with her at first sight. De
plore the accident, so fatal to
your peace, that brought before
your eyes charms which your pen
is powerless to describe. Dilate
upon them nevertheless. Gush.
Inclose your likeness. And if she
still remains inexorable I can only
say she must be proof against
every form of the argumentum ad
fceminum. But whatever you do,
don't mention me, or Priscilla's
suspicions will be at once aroused.'
Wyley Stote yielded to his'
friend's advice, and dispatched a
letter to the address indicated by
the laster, in whbich it is quite cer
tain the writer didn't understate
After some weeks an answer
came. It was but two lines to
say that Miss Helvin would be
pleased to see Mr. Stote at her
home any time he chose to call,.
Mr. Stote took the first train to
the city in which the Helvin's re
sided, and lost no time in repair
ing to the family mansion.
'I wish to see Miss Helvin,' he
said, in an agitated voice, to the
servant who showed him in.
Presently a middle aged lady
entered, between whom and the
photograph in his pocket, which
Wyley had begged of Dick Bow
ls, there was a striking resem
'l-I have called to see Miss
Helvin,' said Wyley, with in
creasing agitation, rising and
bowing-'you-your daughter, I
'My name is Miss Hevlin,' re
turned the lady, coldly.
'Then there must be another of
'Not in this house,' was the an
'This is the lady I have called
to see,' replied Wylecy, over
whelmed with confusion, and pro.
ducing the photograph in sheer
'My own picture twenty years
ago,' said Miss Helvin unable to
A ringing laugh broke from
Flora Sabin, who entered the
room in time to catch the last
words and a sight of the picture
'Such fun as auntie and I have
ad over your letter, Mr. Stote,
since my visit here! didn't know
whose it was when you fell in
love with auntie, I resign him to
Wyley didn't stay to hear
auntie's response. He is still a
bachelor, whilst Flora is the wife
of a worthier husband. Therej
was another secret whisb Wyley
Stote didn't know till it was too
late. Flora was all the time down
for a handsome legacy ic her
grandfather. Cepbas Hevlin's will,
and for another in her aunt's.
Hlf fare-a mulatt.o.
'THE DISADVANTAGES OF
The following is from an article
n St. Nicholas for March.
Some months ago, Rev. Wash
ngton Gladden, of Springfield,
ass., believing that if he could
ind out how the active and prom
neut men of his own city spent
heir boyhood, it would help to
olve the problem of what is the
)est training for boys, prepared
he following circular, which was
ent to the one hundred men who
ould fairly -be said to stand at
he bead of the financial, commer
ial, professional and educational
nterests of the city :
'My DEAR SIa: I desire to find
ut, for the benefit of the boys,
ow the leading men of this city
pent their boyhood. Will you be
rind enough to tell me.
1. Whether your home during
be first fifteen years of your life
vas on a farm, in a village, or in
2. Whether you were accustom
d, during any part of that pe
iod, to engage in any kind of
vork when you were not in
I should be glad, of course, to
ave you go into paiticulars as
ally as you are disposed to do ;
)ut I do not wish to tax your pa
,ience, and I shall be greatly ob
iged for a simple answer to these
No less than eighty-eight of
he busy gentlemen who received
his circular were kind enough to
inswer the questions-some of
hem briefly, most of them quite
ully, and it turned out that few
ad been brought up like most of
he boys who crowd the ball
rounds and fill the streets of our
ities in these later days. Here is
brief summary of the returns :
Of these eighty-eight men,
welve spent the first fifteen years
f their life in the city, twelvo in
Tillages., and sixty-four were far
But of the twenty-four who
ived in villages and cities, six
vere practically farmers' boys, for
bey lived in small villages, or on
be outskirts of cities, and had the
ame kind of work to do that far
ners boyS have. One of these
7illage boys said :
'I learned to hoe, dig and mow ;
n fact., I was oblhged to do work,
whether I liked it or no. In win
,er I went to school, anid worked
iights and mornings for my
Another said: 'I used to work
way from home some on a farm
n the summer and fall. In the
vinter, when going to school, we
bree boys used to work up.thbe
~vood for winter use.'
Four others told1 substantially
beo same story. As these were
~bout the same as farmers' boys,
e may add them to that lis.t, so
bat seventy out of eighty-eight
smost four-fiftbs of all these men
-ad the training of farm life.
Now how wvas it with the eigh
een city and village boys on the
ist? Did they have an easy time
)f it ? Five of them did, as they
~estify ; five of them had no work
n particular to do, but one of the
ive says that he studied law when
)ut of school, and that was riot
~xactly play. The rest of the
righteen were poor boys-not
aupers by any means, but chil
iren of the humbler classes, many
)f them in narrow and seedy cir
~umstances - and though they
ived in cities or villages, they
were accustomed from their ear
iest years to hard work.
'Was generally employed,' says
)ne, 'during the summer months
nd in vacations in doing any
id of work that offered.'
Four of the cit.y boys were
2ewsbos. One of them says:
The last year I was connected
vith the press I earned $100 be
Anoter: '1 have paid my own
'ay since eight years of age,
~vithout any assistance except my
oard from my eighth to my elev
Of all these eighty-eight boys
se nly hard nothing particular
While these boys were grow- I
ing and working, a great many
others-sons of merchants and
lawyers-were growing up in
Springfield, going to school and 1
amusing themselves as boys of
their class are apt to do. Where
are they ? Only five of this class
are heard from among the eighty
eight solid men of that city. Some d
of them, perhaps, are prosperous
men in other cities, but the num
ber cannot be large, for in Spring
field only five men out of eighty
eight came from this class. Nine
ty-four and a half per cent. were
either farmers' boys or poor and
hard.working town boys. G
MY RULES FOR LIVING.
I am no doctor or pill vender,
yet I have had a long life and a
happy one. May I not therefore,
just give my simple rules for d
health in the hopes that some trav
eler on the up or down hill of
life may look at them and be ben
efitted by them. I have practiced
them for many year:s and they
bave done me.good; they may do
good to others. They are inex
pensive and may be easily aban
doned, ii they cause anly harm.
1. Keep in the sunlight as much
as possible. A piai:t will not
thrive without the sunbeam;
much loss a man.
II. Breathe as much fresh air
as your business will permit. This
makes fresh blood; but it is never
found in the four walls of your
building. Beneath the open sky,
just there, and only there, it comes
III. Be strictly temperate. You
cannot break organic law, or any
other law, with impunity.
IV. Keep the feet always warm
and the head cool. Disease and
death begin at the feet more com
monly than we think.
V. Eat white bread when you
cannot get brown bread.
VI. If out of order see which
of the above rmles you have not
observed, then rub yourself all
over with a towel, saturated with
salt water, and well dried and be
gin upon the rules again.
VII. Look ever on the bright,
which is the heaven side of life.
This is far better than a med
These seven simple rules, good
for the valid or invalid, if rightly
observed, w ould save, I apprehbend,
a deal of pain, prolong life, and so
far as health goes, make it worth
the having. -Boston Travdler.
THE GREAT MASTER.-'" am my
own master !' cried a young man
proudly, when a friend tried to
persuade him from an enterprise(
wich he had on hand ; 'I am my
o wn master !'
'Did you ever consider what a
responsible post that is?' asked
'Responsible-is it ?'
'A miaster must lay out the
work he wants done, and see that
it is done right. He should try
to secure the best ends by the
best means. He must keep on
the lookout against obstacles and
accidents, and watch that every
thing goes straight, else he must d
'To be master of yourself you
have your conscience to keep
lear, your heart to cultivate,
your temper to govern, your will
to direct, and your judgment to
instruct. You rare master over a
hard lot, and if you don't master
them they will master you."
'That is so,' said the young
'Now, I could undertake no
such thing,' said his friend. 'I
should fail, sure, if I did. Saul h
wanted to be his own master, and (
failed. .Herod did. Judas did. ~
No man is fit for it. 'One is my s
master, even Christ.' I work un-a
der his direction. He is regular,
and where He is master all goes
An Irish farrier once sent a b
bill to a gentleman with the fol- P
lowing item. 'To curing your
honor's horse that died, 6s.'
An able man shovs his spirit by
gen tle words and resolute actions ;
he is neither hot nor timid. 'a
.IVES RUINED BY OBSTI
It was just seven years ago that Seve
n extraordinary scene occurred at to hi
)anbury. It was in the evening, so n
nd a couple were bringing in to b
everal pots of plants from the his
ard to save them from the frost $6 t
rhich the temperature of out- told
oors threatened. While thus en- let i
aged she spoke, referring to a whet
eranium she had in her hand : coimle
'1 wouldn't lose this one for a mon
reat deal, as mother gave it to joke
1e.' bas f
He looked at it. he W
'Your mother gave it to you? ease,
'ruess not; I bought that plant sudd,
'Why, it's ro such thing.' after
'I tell you I did,' he added, whet
peaking with warmth. as a
'And I tell you you didn't,' she even
sseverated. 'Do you suppose 1 and
on't know what was given to tion
e ?' is i
'Don't you suppose I don't know he k
rhat I bought with my own little
'If you say .you bought that as s
eranium,' she said, speaking very wav
lowly and with white lips, 'you boug
ay what you know to be false.' wate
'Do you mean to say that I lie ?' ter
e hissed. bottl
'If you say that, I do.' quar
'You shall be sorry for this,' he knov
'Never,' she retorted. bag
He put on his hat and coat and until
ft the house. a pi,
That was seven years ago, She was
ever saw him again or heard thou
rom him in all that seven years. woul
Vat must have been the and
boughts, the agony of mind en- righ1
ured by that wretched wife in thini
hat time no one on earth knows. the
he kept her thoughts to herself, place
nd patiently as far as outward bag
ppearance went, bore the burden liver
ut upon her- sbins
Recently her door opened and a on
aan walked into her presence. over
b-_ere was a look, a cry, and she o
as in the arms of her husband. the
Vat a happy home was that. gw
d1 the agony of seven le ; years laug
as forgotten in that hour of re- and
onciliation and reunion. A hap- qg
y supper was spread, ant' with i
ears and smiles she hovered about as
im, ministering to 'his every your
rant. After supper there was a il
ng talk of the past- over
'It is so singular,' she said, nozz
peaking in one of her pauses' the I
hat it should have happened as e
did. I can scarcely comprehend said
L all. It seems like an awful thre<
ream. We both lost our tem-oh.
ers, and we both have suffered had
or it. The miserable geranium ? quar
)o you know I can't bear to see over
n of those plants ? I told mfo- head
her to come and take it back, for tole
would not have it in sight.' wate
'Whiat !' he ejaculated, 'do you fl,i
till persist in saying that she she ~
:ave it to you?' save
'Why, John, of course she did. so
aven't you got over that ideastu
e t ?' - i.
'No, I haven't,' he persisted, his a lea
ce darkening. 'I bought that rubb,
eranium as sure as I am a living himis
She thought of his years of cruel rest
esertion, of all he had caused her wife
o suffer because of his obstinacy, ever
d her heart hardened, and her She
ice flushed, has
'You are mean to say that, when hearl
ou know it is false.'
'It isn't false. It's heaven's
ruth.'. ., w i
'It's no such a thing ; it's a.
iean, contemptible lie.' tv
Ie jumped up from the chair,tie
ized his hat and coat and shot
ut of the house like a flash, and It
be never uttered a word in pro- peop
ast. She sat there with clinched profi
ands and white face, and let him Iself.
And so he is gone. And to-day In
e is alone with the old burden cases
d the old pain, is t~
Knowledge, when possessed. by Do
nly a few, has almost always truth
een turned to iniquitous pur- o
oses a desj
Tere are sixteen thousand loco- T b
otives in the United States. cigar
Writs of error-Love letters to A
noe m,. n's wife no re
SHE CURED HIM.
ere is a man up in the
nth ward that hasn't spoken
s wife in. over a week. He is
iad that he will not go home
is meals, and the other day
vife went to his office to get
pay for some shoes, and he
the clerk to pay her off and
er go. He grates his teeth
t he goes home nights, and
,s out of the house every
Ing swearing. She came a
on him, that was all. He
or years been telling her that
as sure he had got heart dis
aud that he should go off
enly some time in the night.
had got sick of such talk,
hearing it thirteen years,
she knew he was as healthy
yearling. Why, he didn't
know where his heart was,
couldn't point out the loca
of any particular portion of
nternal improvements. Bit
apt talking aboat death every
while, and she said .sae
d break up that little game
>on as she could think'of any
to do so. A spell ago she
ht one of these India-rubber
r-bags, for keeping hot. wa
it the feet, instead of tis g
es. It- would hold aboiat'teo
ts, and her husband "aidn't
' anything about it. One
t, after she had. the zwater
to her feet a couple of hours,
they were about as warm as
ace of zinc, and her husbaDd
snoring away by .note, she
ht what a good joke -it
d be to put it.cn his stomach
wake him 'up. She burst
out laughing, at midnight,
ding of it. So she took up
rnbber bag of hot water-and
d it on his stomach. The
was about as big as a cow's
and as warm as a piece of
le on a boy.- It hadn't been
is chest and other baggage
two minutes before be slow
pered his eyes. She stuffed
upper works of her night
i in her mouth to keep from
sirg. He raised up his head,
arriet, my end has come.'
'hich end, Josiah ?' said she,
bie rolled over, 'your head or
feet ?' -And then she put a
w in her mouth, and reached
to him and unscrewed the
le that holds the water- in
am dying, Egypt,; dying,'
he, 'My heart is enlar'ged to
y times its natural size, and
[ am bleeding to death.' She
opened the nozzle, and three
Ls of hot water vgis pouring
him, saturating huan from
to heels. She had ndt meant
Sout m:>re than half a pint of
r on bim, butt when it got to
ng she couldn't stop it, so
~ot out of bed and told him to
himself. He attempted to
the flow of blood, -and she
k a light and asked him if'
ife-preserver had not sprung
k, and then he looked at the
3r bag, and went and run
elf through a clothes-wringer
he slept on the lounge the
of the night, and he says his
is the meanest woman that
drawed the breath of life.
tells her friends that Josiah
been miraculously cured of
ver reflect on a past action
Li was done with a good mo
and the best judgment at the
is easy to pick holes in other
e's work, but it is far more
~able to do -better work your.
tbe treatment of nervous
he is the best physician who
e most ingenious inspirer of
mcitic rule is founded upon
and love. If it barnot both
ese it is nothing better than
e best thing out is a bad
.Isn't it ?
ten-cent ante is better than
la tion at a!l