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IS PUBISHED1 4 1 IJ0 ter %quare nmeh r first iwserts.
IS PUBLISHED- D) e n umn :*h erc emet :cn }-er en:
gSVERY WEDNESDAY MORN ING,olsmmeIc h:mm rb:
At Newberry, S. V. e in I.L un: e-)
n - Advert> a nents nlot mar 1w with the nu:n -
BY THOg. r. GRENEKER, . mer line.
_______________ td charg ed accordingly.
Editor and Proprietor. -Spec! contracta made with large adre'
- - - -- - - - -tzers, witth liberal deductions on above ra te.
Terms, S.0oper aR an A Family Companion, Devoted to Literature, Miscellany, News, Agriculture, Markets, &c
invariably in Advance. -------R-T
_________ )' NE W1TI NE.\TNI:s AND i;mi'ATrch
Tie pKper is stc,ped at the exp iraio of b"
The >4 mark denotes espC. WEiration of sub tol. 1v - NN WB RI Y s. C. E N S A ,J NU R 81 O 1 EM A
Drags $ Fancy drticees
DR. S. F. FA Al,
Wholesale ani Retail
Ofers I-nported and Indigenous Drug.
Sta'ean Rare Cheicalsh.
Foreign and Domestic Medical P:rpar
Fine Essei:tial Vi!s and Select Powders.
New Phlrm;ceutical Remedies.
-u.cial attention is calied to t:e f.iolw
inr Suarndard Prep:aarizns:
FANT'S Live'r Re:cil:or.
FANT'S Fixir o Calisaya wvith Pyrupi:C.
p:tte of Irou.
FANT''s Com>ouati Fltid Extract oft P!hu
FANT's Com'pound Extract of Qacc;.
ight and Sarsaparilla, with ledi,
FANT'S Soothing Syrup.
FkNT'S Essende of Jamaica Gin;er.
FANT'S Ague GGure-well known to ever%
one in the County, having beer
thoroughly tested in fever anc
Curatine and Iron Bitters-the great
Sole. Agent for Swift's Syphilitic Speciic,
the Great Eliminator of all Impurities of the
Blood. The cure for Scrotula; Rheuma
tism, NIeuralgia ind all Nervous Affections
Buckeye Pile Oiutment, a specific lo:
I also offer the largest assortment of
Lamps, Soaps, Perfumery, Hair Brushes,
Too'th Brushes, and Toilet Articles, of ev
- ery description, at the veiy lowest prices.
Ca'l and examine for yo.irselves.
Prescriptions carefully compouaded at al;
hours of the day and night.
- Mar. 31, 14-tf.
BENJ. F. GRaEros, STORr B. LADD
ILBERT E. PAILE.
Late Coinmissioner of Patents.
PAINE, tRAFTON & LADD,
Attorneys-at-Law and Solicitors o. Ameri
can and Foreign Patents.
412 FITHSTREET, WASHINGTON, D. C
Practice patent law in el its branches ix
the Patent Qice, and in the Supreme an<
Circuit Courts of the United -States. Pam
phlet sent tree on receipt of stamp for post
age. Sep.1,1S) 36-tf.
The underigned would respectftuy i .
form h~s friends that he h.s opened
In rear of the grocery store, corner o
Richardson and Taylor Streets. The raoma
are beautifu.ly fitted u*'. 3Meals are erve<
at all hours durinir the day.
H&YT LUNCH every d-:y from 1i to I P
M. The best Winos,TLiquors and Cigars
Gider and Lager Bc..
. Dec. 22, 52-tif COLU.MBIA, S. (3.
We want a limited number of active, en
ergetic canvassers to engage in a pleasan
and profitable business. G'ood men 'w i
sind this a rare.chance
TO MAKE MONEY.
Such will please answer this advertise
ment by letter, enelosing stamp for reply
stating what business they have been en
gaged in. None but those who mean busi
ness need apply. A ddress
FINLEY, HARVEY & CO.,
ov. 17, 1880-.---2y. Atlanta, Ga.
Res.pectfully offers its services to thos
paren';s who desire to secure for tneij
daughters the thorough and symmetrica
*cultivation of their phys~ical, invrleemual
and moral powers. It is conducted o'
what is called the "One-Study'
Plan, with a Snu- A YA.u Coc:ass
Study ; and, by a system of Tuitional Pre
miums, its Low Rates are made sti lowe
for &z., who average 85 per cent.
No Fublic Exercises. No "Receptions.
*Giaduation, which is always private, ma:
occur eight times a year.
For full information, write for an Illus
trated Catalogue. Address
REV. S. LANDER, Presiden?,
Oct. 27, 44-ly Williamiston, S. C.
lITYourselves by making mone:
- EDwhen a golden chance is offered
Aiithereby always preeping povert;
asai rom your door. Those who al
ways take advantage of the good chance
for making money that are offered, gene
rally become wealthy, while those who d
not improve such chances remain in p)ove:1
ty. We,*want many men, women, boys ani
.girls to work for us right im their own 1<
calities. The business will pay more tha
ten times ordinary wages. W e farmish a
expensive outfit and all that you neeC(
free. No one who engags fails to mnak
money very rapidly. You can de.vote you
whole time to the work. or only your spar
moments. FuU information and all that
needed sent free. Address Stinson & Co
Oct. 13, 42-ly.
IN NEWBERRY HOTEL
Being desircus of givinggeneral satisfa<
tion, I have spared no pains to make n,
shop co:nfortablne and aigreeable to all wb
visit mue. I will ,till conduct the busines'
anid r,oiici! plain and jashionable work. Sat
isfaiction guaran'eed. I thiank my numie
ous patrons for their generous supporti
the past. Sep. 22, 39 -tf.
H. L. FARLEY,
'Attorney at Las
REAL ESTATE AGENT,
SPARTANBUJRG, S. C.
PRMTATTENTIOM TO ALL BUSINES
New Store! New Stock!
H.tvin erec;:'d a now aud comi:todious
%torc o: the .,' of our rh St1;d, our fa
e1i' it" ctnlcing !' Fori1 aut Do
:m?;rie Fr":uit tr.:te :! .r nowv u ra: l ,SSt'Qa l
The xttei:; of o. frie:idi, an l
en:-:iy, i e:'.ed to 15 :.., a n. i a'o to
of:r *:es}: "uppile-- U: Iving: t -i "" .
1 t relt Nir rthrn .hiPLES.
50 boxes Mes4ina Lmos.
25 birr! an. h:t bal, ':- e .s .
15 pkgs. Dela%v:re en.1:" Cu;ucord Grape!.
21 ; barres L. Ro-t _otatoes.
1(I barrelg Noi theni Cabir .
Peaes and Grapes :1 sh .'ve'v moining
by Exouress. C. BART & O.
51 57 and 5;
} etp. 22, i9- hret, S. C
(Formerly the Wheeler House,)
COLUMBI131A, S. C.
REFURNISHED AND REFITTED.
TERMS, $2.00 TO $3,00 PER DAY,
JOHN T. WI1LLEY, Propriet'r.
Nov. 10, 4u-tf.
FRED VON SANTEN,
279 KING ST., EALESTON, S. C.
Santa lu8 9 a quarlrs1
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL.
NOW READi TO UPPLY
CO. AND SEE 1ME.
Nov. 17. 47-6mn.
COCOANUTS AND ORANGES,
And Wholesale Dealer in
Apples, Potatoes, Onions, &e.,
215 EAST BAY,
CHARLESTN, S. C.
l Prompt attentiou given to country
orders. Nov. 17, 47-6m.
C. C. PLENGE,
Corner Broad and Church Streets,
CHARLESTON, S. C.
I AGENT FOR
DUNLAP'S FIFTH AVEN~UE HATS.
FALL STYLES NOW READY!
Mren's Sot uats. Soc. to $S.oti.
Menk's StitT Hats. $1.00) to $3l.50.
NOBBIY HATs FORt YOUNG MEN, A sPECIALTY.
Silk Umbrellas, from $:3.00 upwards.
I Alipaea - from $2 50 to $4.50.
G ingh1am " 75cn., $1.00, $1.25, $1.50.
Mourning Bands put on Iata, 25 Cen:-s.
Hlats'Restocked and Trimmed.
&.- A call is respectfully solicited.
-Nor. 17, 47-.m.
-ChARLESTON, S. C.
This popular and centrally located House
has been entirely renovatedl during the past
summer and was REOPENED to the travel
ing public on August 16,1880.
Terms, $2 and $2.50 per Day,
E. T. GAILLARD,
Nov. 17, 47-tf. PROPRIE fOR.
H ~OERMANN BUL WINKLE,
andr GRIfeneral CoiiSSIOR lertllaRt,
CHARLESTON, S, C.,
GERMAN KAINIT, or POTASH SALT,
Peravian Guano, No. 1 and No. 2,
Pure Fish Guar.o, Nova Scotia Land Plas
er, Ground south Carolina Phosph.ite, arnd
other FERTILIZE~RS. Also,
Corn, Oats, Hay, &c.
SOrders filled with dispatch, and liberal
advances made on consignmlenlts of Cotton
and other Produce.
SNov. 10, 46-3m.
~Preserve Your Old Books !
E. R. STOKES,
2 Blank Book Manufacturer
Has moved opposite the City Hall. where
he is fully prepared, with first-class work
men, to dlo all.kinds of work in his line.
BLANK BOOKS RULED to any pattern
and bound in any style desired.
My facilities and long acquaintance with
the business enable me to guarantee satisfac
tion on orders for Bank Books, Railroad
Boks, and Books for the use of Clerks of
Court, Sheriffs, Probate Judges. Masters in
Equity, and other Coun ty Officialis.
0 Pamphlets, Magazines, Mu-ic, Newspapers
nd Periodicals, and all kinds of publications
E bound on the most reasonable terms and iu
r-the best matnner.
ni All ordiers promptly attended to.
E. R. STOKES,
- Main Street, opposite New City Hall,
Oct. 8, 41-tr. Columbnia, S C.
A. W. T. SIMMONS.
T'his elegant new 1101el is l:o, op)e: for the
receton of guests, and the proi.rietor will
spare no effort to give satisfaction to the
traveling public. Good airy rooms, comn
I rta ble beds. the bot of fare, attentive, ac
.e:man>d atin~g servants,and modera te charges
oP i s-LJ
y O s
T r E
MEDCIN FO T_
A Cnedik o
. c bn-gi nepe
For Blo ns . ;-. io t e ca 1
-TR I h- r<neald
eU a o eBlo.I
throg in sediceto
NT It is'excee for tei
- ues of all Blood. Di
0 ases suchl as~ Sero
For Kidney Diseases. uIea, TumnorN. Boi
ai s 0 ConutipatiOJ
ForRbuxatILf.BysPI ', I is tl
F orRhematsm.gestin. Sour Stou
ach, Retention (I
URA TIN4E "'""''''t
For Serofuia Diseases. ASKYU RGI
URATINE, ThX BONcHEical(
for Erysipea, Pimples, BA LT IMOR E, Md.
Wholesale by DOWIE: & 3M01SE, Wholesa
~ruggist., Charleston, S. C. 15-ly.
o Give Entire Satisfactiol
A pill that has become standard and
having an unprecedented sale througho
he South, is
They are honest,
They are certain,
They have no equa
And are rec'jlllt,eCded by those.l as I
i d doing all the ! pe.s ;el~ca
ThevY have never failed to h.-ve thie t
sired effect where other piIl l.,hve been u
W. E. PEL.HAIVI'S.
Dec. 15, 47 -l
SUBSCRIBE FOR THE
WEEKLY PALMETTO YEO1MAi
COLUMBIA, S. C.
It is an 8 page papter, de-igned for the p~
pie, filled with. ini:eresting austI er-Fam
ieading, News, Markets. &c. Sulscriptio
One Year, SI 5); Seven Mouths, 31.(
hree Months, 5'0 Cents-payable ina
vance. For Six Namne, and Nine Dollars
xtra Copy tor one year. Specimens fi
nished. The DAILY YEOMAN, an aft
noon paper,% $4 a yer.
C. M. McJTUNKILN.
40-tt Editor and Publisher
Clu%,hhed with the HELAn at $3.25.
HERE AND THERE A GEN.
GATHERED FOR THE N. Y. OBSERVER.
"When thou hast thanked thy God for every
What time will then remain for murmurs o.
lament." -Archbishop Trench.
I know not if or dark or brignt
Shall be my lot,
If that wherein my hopes delight
Be best or not.
It may be mine to drag for years
Toil's heavy chain;
Or day and night, my meat be tears
On bed of pain.
Dear faces may surround my hearth
With smiles and glee;
Or I may dwell alone and mirth
Be strange to me.
My bark is wafted from the strand
- By breath divine,
And on the helm there rest a hand
Other than mine.
One who has known in storms to sail,
I have on board;
Above the raging of the gale
I have my Lord.
IIe holds me when the billows smite;
I shall not fall.
If sharp, 'tis short; if long, 'tis light;
He tempers all. t
Safe to the land! safe to the land!
The end is this, L
And then with Him go hand and hand
Far into bliss.
A FO R EID .0NO ESSIO1\s
It had been a sultry day at Fern
Island. All the afternoon the tree
boughs had drooned under the
tropic glow of the sun, the birds
had huddled silently in bowery
nooks, the cattle stood knee deep
in the delicious ripples of the irn
ped water, and Kitty Crawford,
peeping out from behind the screen
of her Madeira vines, had watched
the party of picknickers go by in
their little pony phrtons and the
huge, covered wagon, not without
'It's all very well to have no
thing to do but to enjoy one's
self, but I have got the little
chickens to take care of; and the ~
gooseberry jam to make, and my
own blue muslin dress to iron, if I
expect to look decent in church
next Sunday. Oh, dear ! oh, dear !
b ow nie it would be if people
Sdidn't have to work in this world !
~There goes Matilda Emmons, in
Sher new lace buuting~ dress with
Sthe white Langnedoc trim ming
b ow pretty she looks, to be sure!'
bAnd Miss Emmnons, catching a
:glimpse of Kitty Crawford's vio
flet blue eyes behind the Madeirai
rvines, drew up her horse with a
scientific jerk of the reins.
o'Kitty,' she cried, in sweet, im
perative tones, 'aren't you going ?'
U 'To the picnic, do you mean ?'
e'To the picnic, of course.'
- Certainly I'm not ?' retorted
'But whby?' questioned Miss
SKitty elevated her pretty tip
tC tilted nose in the air.
'Because,' said she, 'I don't
choose to be looked dowu upon by
those haughty city girls and their
'Nousense !' said Matilda.
'You may say what you please,'
returned Kitty, 'but I know that
Parke Cameron despises me, be
cause I have red hands, and freck
led across the bridge of my nose,
and because I am only a farmer's
daughter. And I won't be de
1'You little goose !' cried Miss
-Emmons, with good-humored su
nperiority. -Didn't he dance with
you, and no one else, last night at
.the moon-light frolic?'
n'That's because he wanted to
amuse himse!f,' said Kitty, haughbt
ily. 'Do you suppose I don't dis
criminaLe between real, genuine
respect, and the supercilious pat
ronrage of a fiue gentleman who is
Phugbing in his sleeve all the
t~ ime ?'
And the indignant dewdrops
;sparkled on her long, curled eye
:lashes as she spoke.
d You're altogether mistak en!'
e ried Miss Em mons, with empha
r- sis. 'But if you will be so wrong
headed I can't stop to argue with
,ou -omt! jump into the pony
arriage and go with me to the
But Kitty resolutely shook her c
'No.' said she, 'I shall stay at
ome and pick gooseberries for c
But, instead of picking goose
erries she indulged in a hearty i
ry, when Matilda and her pony
vere out of sight.
'He don't care for me,' said she c
o berself, 'and I'm determined I s
ron't care for him ! He shall
id out I'm not one of the senti- I
iental damsels we read of in 1
ooks who die of unrequited l
And Kitty Crawford dashed f
he salt spray off her eyelashes,
,d went out to feed the downy c
ttle chickens, which were peep- 1
ng about the kitchen doorstone i
ke so many animated balls of I
'ellow velvet. t
And there was butter to work t
ver and to pack down in huge
tone jars; and the blue muslin
ress, with its multitudinous little r
rills and flounces to iron ; and
hen her brother Philo came in
vith a linen duster that must be t
nended before he could set forth '
mn his daily walk to the postoffice;
.nd old Mrs. Dodge sent over to
ee if Miss Kitty would make a r
>owl of jelly to tempt the failing Z
ppetite of her consumptive
laughter ; and the brood of c
-oung turkeys wondered off into E
,he wheat-fields, and had to be .
oaxed home again ; so that it
was quite dark before Kitty re
nembered the gooseberries for G
,he morrow's jam-.dark with
slectric masses of purple-black
:louds piled up against the sky, t
Lnd ominous mutterings of thun- c
ler in the air.
'I do believe its going to rain,'
aid Kitty, despairingi . 'and my t
ooseberries are not picked yet!' t
And with a quick motion she I
taught Phil's hat and duster from
he hatrack, and sped down into
e cool, secluded greenery of the 1
arden, where a neighbor's huge
>ear-tree droopod over the stone
vall on one side, and the hedge of
~ooseberry bushes grew below.
But as the green balls of sweet
ess rained down into her basket,
he became conscious of a rustling
n the pear boughs beyond where.
, huge hammock swung.
-Some of Mrs. Peck's city board-<
rs are there,' said Kitty to her
~elf ; 'but I won't notice 'em.' 1
ISut she colored 'celestial rosy- I
ed' under the broad brim of her
rother's Manilla hat, when she
'ecognized the sound of Parke
aeo's low and rather languid
'Is it you, Philo ?'
Kitty picked on, silently and
speditiously, without a single
~vord of answer.
But evidently the interlocutor
as not discouraged.
'So you're like me,' he resumed1
'preferring your own society to
be gay clamor of the picnic par
'Philo,' said Cameron, abruptly,
do you suppose I should find
your sister at home, if I were to
o up to the house ? She avoids
me so systematically that I can
ever get an opportunity to
speak to her ; and, for the life of
me I can't tell wby.'
The Manilla hat dropped lower
than ever among the gooseberry
thicket;tbe nervous fingers work
ed away with redoubled speed.
Kitty Crawford wished herself
anywhere on earth just then but
on that particular spot.
'Do you think I should have the
gost of a chance with her, if I
asked her boldly to become my
wife ?' said Parke Cameron, plu ng
ing valiantly into the heart of his
subject ; 'for, of all the girls I ever
saw, she comes nearest to my ideal
of perfect womanhood, and I have
learned to love her deeply and
passionately I Don't, for heaven's
sake, be so silent, old fellow, un
less you purposely wvish to dis
courage my suit l' he added, with
someting like impatience in his
voice. 'Tell me, have I grounds
Kitty was trembling all over,
more like a frighted blue-bird
caught in a net. Was ever a gir-i
l.aced in snu-h an embarrassing
)redicament befure. How she
vished she had let Philo's linen
luster and broad-brimmed bat
'Why don't you answer me?'
lemanded the deep voice, waxing
,till more impatient in its tone.
And to add to Kitty's perplex
ties, the big drops of rain began
o patter inexorably down, and a
ig-zag streak of lightning shot f
r:sswise across the threatening
ky, a zone of living fire.
'Discretion is the better part of
Jaor,' said our little heroine to t
ierself and, catching up the only r
alf-filled basket of emerald fruit,
he prepared for au ignominious
But Mr. Cameron had no notion
Sthis. With a quick movement
se sprang from the hammock
oove, and placed himself direct
y across the narrow pathway,
bus effectually barricading all re
'Old fellow !' said he, half laugh
ig and half in earnest, 'you shall
iot stir a step from here unless
Ou tell Inc whether or not-'
'I will go!' cried Kitty Crawford,
>ursting into hysterical tears.
You-you have no right to stop
no this way !'
If the thunderbolts even then
nuttering through the twilight
ky had siricken him with their
lectric hands, Parke Cameron
ould have scarcely been more
tupified and amazed.
'Miss Crawford !' he exciaimed,
Kitty, can it be possible that this
s you ?-that I have committed
uch an awkward blunder as-'
But, in the self-same instant, he
,omprehended that his suit must
>e pleaded now or never-that a
,owardly loveir is never a success
'Kitty,' said he, still barricading
he way. 'I have told you frankly
hat I love you. You must be
,qually outspoken with Inc.'
'But-but it rains !' faltered Kit
*y, looking wildly this way or that
or some method of esc<rpe.
'I don't care if it rains a de
uge!' said Parke Cameron ; 'I
ill know my fate!'
'When we get up to the house,'
said Kitty, evasively.
'Now,' insisted Cameron.
'Please let me get by,' pleaded
'Not until vou decide one way
r the other,' said Parke.
'But I have decided,' said Kit
.y, cruelly maltreatin g the buttons
> Philo's linen duster in her con
'Speak out your decision, then,
it once,' said Parke Cameron,
ith an imperiousness that some
ow didn't displease Miss Craw
'ord at all.
'I do love you,' blushingly con
'essed Kitty-'that is, I think I
And then the rain came down
n buge cylinders of crystal, and
he lightning blazed overhead,
d Parke and Kitty had to run
or their lives to the piazza of the
'Thbere I' said Kitty, 'I hav.en't
picked my gooseberries for the
am, after all.'
'I'll help you to-morrow,' said
And, to the end of his (lays, he
eclared that goose berry jam was
bis favorite conserve.
Experiment has shown that if1
50,000 pounds, once applied, will
iust break a bar of iron or steel, a
stress very much less than 50,
D0 pounds will break it if re
peated sufficiently often. Wrought
iron will crystallize and break
easier than cast iron. It is well
nown that wogtin, sub
jected to continuou.s vibration,
ssumes a crystalline structure,
and its cohesive power is much
'You can't play that on mc !'
said the piano to the anmateulr who
broke down on a difficult piece of
A California man has a farm of
5,000 acres. It is fortunate for
him that he hasn't them in his
A may may be headstrong
w.it-hou bing strong-headed.
TO THE LADIES.
L Few Practical Words From an Augusta
The following, from a well-known
kugusta lady we pubiish with pleas
ire. as containing a few words of i .
'd itors Chronicle and Constitu
I am not sure but that I should say
o the gentlemen that I address my
emarks on the very interesting sub.
ect of good eating and home cookery
-for after all they are the,ones for
thom we cudgel our brains, toast our
aces and burn our fingers in the
aroest endeavor to provide daioties
hat will tickle their palates, win their
miles, and, as a matter of course,
:eep them in a good humor.
To secure this last named result.
>me of the best methods known is to
eat them to a nicely appointed, well
?repared dinner, and it seldom fails.
Lt is, therefore evident that the ladies.
this very pardonable desire and in
;heir own pride of housekeeping, need
ll the assistance that is to be had,
nd now we come to the subject un
ier discussion to the point to which I
would call attentio!i. The Ladies'
kid Society of the Second Presby
;eriau Church have, through their
abors, supplied a loug felt want in the
.ssue of a book cailed "Choice Re
;ipes of Georgia Huusekeepers,' and
;bey are recipes that have been well
ried, and that are well known to all,
td the very name of the book insures
rood cheer and the best of living.
the names aunexed to the recipes are
guarantee of their worth, and no
housekeeper need fear in the use of
;heau the result that has been often
nown to follow the trial of. indis
riminate recipes, viz: The loss of
aaterial, time and patience. So I
would suggest to all good diners, or
,hose who love the good things of
his life. to provide themselves with a
~opy of this valuable work, and se
~ure thereby the smiles of their wives.
he gratitude of these workers in a
ood cause, and last but by no means
east, increased satisfaction in the en
oymuent of well-made dishes.
Not a few of our anecdotes of wit
ud humor are connected with the
~lergy, all denominations of whom are
t times represented. This time it is
good Methodist brother of whom
we speak. Through the influence of
m presiding elder, who, as he thought,
was prejudiced against him, he was
appointed to a small and scattered
settlement, when he and most of his
'riends felt that lhe ought to have
been sent to some prominent position.
Lnaenting the narrowness of the field
o which he had been allotted, he was
reminded by a friend that he ought
not to be dissatisfied, but rather to
pray that lie might see the band of
the Lord in his appoinent to just
such a place. To which he replied,
' have-I have tried, brother, to do
is you say; and time and again I
ave prayed to the Lord that I might
see His hand in it, but every tiaie, as
looked up, all I could see was the
big paw of that presiding elder."
A NEW COMErr DISCO VERED.-The
chairman of the committee on astron
omy heaved a deep sigh and reported
as follows: "Dis committee am well
awar' of de fack dat a comet has re
eently bin diskivered about 60,000,.
000 miles on de road to Hieaben, an'
dat it am now supposed to be ap.
procin' de y'arth at a rapid rate, but
de commnittee sees no speshul oe
eashun to get excited. it will be a
moth or so before de said comnet can
git here, an' de chances ani, dat de
'arth will mash it at de fust bump.
Dis commit:ee advises de members of
de club to git dar butes tapped, dar
overcoats patched an' dar wood hauled
up fur winter, an' let 'de comet biz
ness take keer o' itself."-ree Press.
False fronts of shirts, vest and coat
are ow furnished corpses by the
New York undertakers for $10;
a saving of $30 on a suit. "Ain't
the deceased loss enough without
chucking in his clothes, too ?' re
marked on of theum in defense of the
sham- He computes that 83,000,00U
were annually wasted inugrave clothes
besides being a temptation to gravt
A few facts not so generally known
.s they should be : A watch fitted
with a secoud-hand need not necessari
iv be a second-hand wateb. Doctors
".e!eral1v agree about bleeding their
paLients. Steam is a servant that
sometimes blows up its master. An
augrammiatical judge is apt to pass an
inco-rect se tonee. Peachers who
get into pre.erves very often find
themselves iu pieles. Any fool can
a wo:uan,r talk, but it's hard to
make one listen. A thorn in the
bush is worth two in the haud.
Affectionate wother (to her son)
'Why do you cry, Johnny ? What has
hurt you ?' Johnny (crying more
iu. tily tian before)--.Because I.fell
duown and hurt myself yesterday.'
liother-,Y esterday I Thea why do
you cry to-day ?' Johnny (bawling at
the top of his :aice)--Oh, 'cause
you weren't home yesterday.'
A droll fellow fished a rich old
ent!eman out of a millpond, and re
fused the 'offer of twenty-five cents
!row ti'e rescued miser. 'Oh. that's
too : uch !" .xclaic;d he ; "tain't
worth it !" and he handed back twen
ty-one cents, saying calmly., as he
pocketed four cents, "That's about
The section hands near Rock Rap
ids, Ill., diseovered the bead of a calf
protruding from a snow drift the
o:.her day. Upon shoveiicg it out the
critter proved to be alive and imme
diately began eating. It belonged to
Hoval Oles'n, and had been tightly
bound up by the drift for ten days.
A 'utchian who married his sec
ond wife soon after the funeral of the
first was visited with a two hours'
>erezade in token of disapproval. Ie
,xpustulated pathetically thus : 'I
sat, poys, you ought to be ashawed of
yours_lf to be making all dish noise
yen dere vas a funeral here so soon.
Au exchange gives 'a recip: for
preserving the hair.' But what is the
use of wasting sugar en such stuff?
Nobody would eat such preserves. A
man who relishes tripe, might find a
pickled chignon palatable, but we
don't believe he would takec kindly to
'Do vou want to kill the child ?' ex
claimed a gentleman as he saw a boy
tip the baby out of its carriage on the
walk. 'No, not quito,' replied the
boy ; 'but if I can get him to bawl
loud enough, mother will take care of
him while I go and wade in the ditch
with Johnuny Bracer ?'
A lady wants to know why the
railroad comptanies do not provide j
special cars for tobacco chewer-s
well as for smokers. Bless your in
niocent heart ! tobacco-chewers are not
so particular as that. An ordinary
passenger car is good enough for
A reporter calls at a banking house
and takes not-es, and it's all right.
Along comes another fellow, takes
some notes and gets jugged for five
years- This illustrates the privileges
enjoyed by the press.
A Western young lady who has
been visiting Bostou says the young
men there are so v-am that they act as
if they thought they were doing you
the greatest possible favor in speaking
The new governes-'-if you saw a
poor man starving in the street,
wouldn't you give hm some of your
pudding, Tomnmy ?' Tommv-"l'd
gve him some of yours, 3Miss
We have just read a handker
chief flirtation code and advise all
men desiring to avoid breach of
promise suits to wipe theji- montbs
with their coat-tails.
'Oh, dear ! I wish I was dead !'
exclaimed a neglected maiden.
She had heard that matches are
ma-de ini heaven.
A familiar instance of color-blindness
is that of a man taking a brown siik
utmbrefl:a and leaving a green gingham
in its place.
The Utes have killed five ofOurnv's
best horses that they mig~ht accom
pany him to the 'happy hauting