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The Newberry herald. (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, October 25, 1883, Image 1

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Vol. XIX 4.BRY .C,TUSDY COE 5 83
' -:'s " IS~ P9BL188"P
Y . 0 TUURDAY MORtNING,
-- >~'it Newberrl. -8. !:.
8iY Th068. F. GBRElKR,
Editor and Proprietor.
2.0s, S9.O per . enm S,
variably in Advance.
%'" n pper Is sto at the ezpiration of
'=. e~for whc !t ispad
2 gr The x mark denotes expiration of
-anberiptioa.
; lfaca Of $ending for the Do0or
USE SIMMONS'S
epatiC COmpOun&,
Or Liver and Kidney Cure.
' WHIL SAVE YOUR DOCTtR BIlJ,.
IT IS THE MOST EFFECTIVE
nd valuable Medicine ever offered to
e American people. As fast as its
merits become known its use becomes
universal in every community. No
famsy will be without it after having
r ee tested its great value.
'(Touad of Dollars 1
- e wasted on Physicians' fees by the
T f dyspeptic, the rheumatic, the bilious
. nervous, when 4dollar ex
r-' eniied on that unapproachable vege
table Tonic and Alterative
E"W LIVER AND KIDNEY CURE,
would in. every case effect a radical
If you are bilious, tongue coated,
head hot, dull, or aching, bad breath,
stomach heavy or sour, if bowels in
active and passages hard and occasion
allooseness,. If your sleep is broken
(tassing about in bed), if you get up
if your skin is sallow,
eyes yellow, if heavy, dull pains in
bee and limbs, if you are drowsy, in- t
disposed to talk or act, if any one or f
more of these symptoms, take a dose
of Simmons's
HEPATIC COMPO/ND,
and you will get immediate relief.
DOWI]E & MOISE,
PBOPIORBS,
ESALE DRUCCISTS
CHARLESTON, S. C. -
PFOR SALE EVERYWHFRE. .Or
And in Newberry by Dr. S. F. FANT.
NOV. % 4-y.
t
tel:um_,and P>U. t
ZrenSrApZ3d6ennaentir .s
taatUn.periodknwnas U Ohauge of
- .8 this invaluable preparatioa has no rival!
bmnnxBEmrBooN to acd-beaInU
;n a real hlming toaubring foas;a ru
k OTHER'S FRIEND..
1 itwil produce a safe and quick duliveffe.
-to -sin andaleriate thousualagonizigsuf
tobgnth owr aguaetoepranl
1fU 0 ,S cres U le rs T m ss Fitula B urn is
*Eng ialons, Sore Nlpples, ue. Its emets are
d wiarelous, ad it 1s an' inexprenble
- . b~.toaU alte wtheiter..f.te-abov.
mpb.Trylt .8
pe cruar t.Iana. and funl partle
ftrasoePopdele and Mannimantrer of
iiTHIREE GREAT REMEDIES I
*m a
2* I
Blood Poisonul
ATLaIN., GA., April 1715.
aifltrateSIdate noewascn
ed nof too hand t
clbots e eue
toimpudse then bnthe
gaot'wftsSpcScdin Ie.sthanthreelotb
19,and havre never bad
sic.If it hadzaot been
SpcfcI believo Iwndhv eni
V. law for twelve months been
- inthetreamen ofthe fnon.cr
pbinte4d i a Snl I.. We foal
sm.ft1'srmunanaas toOuite without a
nhetreatmntof
Iseases,U aim tse lIwAl.~
LT.OBION, iLD
oinnes of 8.8.8 C u atil fmer
' Dasuer3, Ga~
amlst$il,*.0pebotl. JIab mse
gleas be qattyi15tos A ~~
innte bookualncd free to applici'"*
for Soldiers on ay dis
Ngease, .wound or Injry.
Fees, $10. Bounty, Bc
- ay,DIsareaienee
GRAND BXIIBITION,
NOW OPEN AT
COLUMBIA, S. C.
OF FALL AND
WINTER CLOTHING
Por MEN, YOUTHS and BOIS,
-One of the best selected stocks
hat we have ever placed on oni
Counters.
OVERCOA.TS
Are gotten up in 5 styles as fol.
ows:
SACKS, ULSTERS, ULSTER
ETTES, REVERSABLES
and the latest is the
NEWf MARKET
iud are made in all grades of goods.
Che patent Flexible brim Silk Hat
hat will fit any shaped head. Also a
ine line of Soft and Stiff Hats in all
tyles.
GENT'S FURNISH
ING GOODS
Inderwear, Shirts, Hosiery, Gloves,
)ollars and Neckwear of all grades.
TO THE
LADIES OF NWBERRYs
)urBoys and Children's stock of Cloth.
ag is the largest and most stylish that
ve have placed on our Counters.
Suits and Overcoats of every descrip.
ion.
All orders addressed to my care will
eceive prompt attention and if the
,oods do not suit I will exchange, or
efund the money.
Respectfally,
M. L. KINARD,
37-tf COLUMBIA, S. C.
[mportant Notice.
Buying and selling for
CASH ONLY
I am enabled to offer to the public
IMPORTED AND AMERICAN
BRANDIES,
JIARS AM) TOBMJ(00,
lso the finest and best French Bran dies,
he celebrated
BAKER RYE
or family us'e, at prices,.which defy
COMPETITION.
7O!1T1El'8 TIWOLI DEER
or family use, one daz su IPint Bottles
it $1.00
All orders will receive preimpt atten
ion. With thanks for former patron
ge to this house, I respect fully solicit
,continuance of the same.
0. KLETTNER,
Under Newberry Opera House.
june 11, 24-4mos.
Incr+= lppl adnegt. l ivr copant,s
an i P Qrncooiiainan te b
Whnt diWssBsetrsSoahBt
DRESSED FOR MEETING.
See my pretty ruffled dress!
See my tienty locket!
'Spects I'm most a lady now,
'Cause I've got a pocket.
These down here are my new shoes.
That I walks my feet in,
Course it wouldn't do to wear
Copper toes to meetin'.
See my picture hankerfust, .
Sunday days I has it;
I can blow a nose in church
Most like papa does it.
Papa's hitchin' Jack and Gray,
An' they keep a prancin';
Horses don't wear Sunday clothes
They don't know they're dancin'.
Graripa used to go with us,
Now he's gone to heaven ;
Guess he's at thke angel church,
Up where,God is livin'
I don't take no cake with me
Never think of eatin';
Don't you'want a nice clean kiss,
'Fore we go to meetin'?
-A. H. Poe.
ttUdaneous.
A GREAT ARTILLERY DUEL.
"The moral effect is tremendous,
generally, but the physical results
don't amount to much," remiarked
the gallant little soldier, General
Thomas F. Neill, one peaceful
evening, under the shady trees just
beyond Chain Bridge, where we
were bivouacking shortly after the
second battle of Bull Run.
"That is to say," observed a pert
lieutenant, "your brains tell you
that you that you are all the time
urging you to run away."
''Yes, sir; yes, sir," said the gen
eral sharply. "It has that effect
upon nervously constituted people."
The subject of artillery fighting
was under discussion, and the late
great artillery duel at Rappahan
nock Station was being talked
over, having been brought forward
by the presence in our little party
of Captain Jamison, of General
McDowell's staff, who had been a
participant in that noisy affair, and
to whom General Neill appealed for
a description of the affair of Au
gust 20, 1862.
"Well," said the captain, as he
dug the point of his saber scabbard
reflectively into the soft turf," "I
can tell you something of my own
experience and impression, because
I was kept moving about too much
to see any considerable results in
our locality.
"You see the battle of Cedar
Mountain was just cger, and the
results were anything but satis
factory. There was no use in de
nying the fact that General Pope
had been again outgeneraled and
outnumbered, and on the 18th of
August we received definite"infor
mation that the whole Confederate
army-was advancing on us-in over
whelming numbers, and we were
ordered to fall back. Tents were
struck -at 4 P. M., and then came
one of those long waits which are so
annoying to the soldier. For eight
long, tedious hours the troops
waited for the interminable wagon
train to get out of the way. At
last, about midnight we moved out
into the road to march a quarter of
a ~mile and halt an hour, then start
and halt again. All night long the
staff were busy riding about try
ing to keep that endless train mov
ing, so that I for one, at least, when
morning came, was literally dis
gusted, played out, and 'wanted to
go home.' There was one prolong
ed and unanimous howl at General
Siegel's wagon train, eleven miles
long, which was keeping us back,
and which we knew was not at all
retarding the movements of the
alert enemy behind us.
"Rain had fallen plentifully du
ring the night, and the sun came
out hotter and hotter as it mounted
to the zenith. To aggravate the sit
nation we were halting every few
minutes. .Add to this that the men
were suffering for water. With the
coming of daylight the stafffound
another nuisance. If the soldier
couldn't march straight ahead he
could straggle and forage, both of
which he did with an unanimity of
sentiment that was hugely-disgust
ing to the tired staff, who had to
spur exhausted horses back and
forth with irate messages from the
general to. the brigade and division
commanders to know what they
meant by deploying all their men
as skirniishers.
"I think this was the hardest
day's -march I ever experienced,
and night brought neither rest nor
food. I was leaning against a tree,
giving my horse rest in lieu of food,
when Lieutenant Shepp, of Siegel's
staff, rode up and said:
"'Hallo; Cap, you look ausges
pielt. Let's get lost and hunt
something to eat.
"'It's a go, my noble Roman.
Lead on.'
S"'Getting lost'~ in this sense sim
ply means taking yourself off with
out leave to seek creature comforts
and lwhen you 'bob up serenely'
again you explaiu. with all the
cheek of a lightning-rod-agent that
you 'got lost. Of coutse no one
believes you, but as they have not
the 'persons and papers' to prove
your falsification you come off tri
umphant. In this instance Sheep
and I rode slowly more that a mile
across the country before we found
a house that promised anything to
eat. When we did find one it was
occupied by a half-dozen straggling
Ohio soldiers, to whom a fellow
feeling of hunger made us wondrous
kind, and we helped them punish
Confederate mutton until the great
vacuum from which we suffered was
filled. Our horses in the meantime
had benefited by all the corn they
could eat, and we returned to the
head of the column about midnight
feeling like lions refreshed, but
having a wholesome hope that the
general was. asleep This we found
to be the case, and as tents were an
unknown luxury I tied my horse to
my wrist and laid down on a re
tired mud-bank, where I was least
in danger of being made a thorough
fare of by atray man or mule.
"I awoke with the break of day
to see General McDowell standing
a short distance away, evidently
regarding me as an interesting
specimen of the average aide, or
namented with Virginia mud.
"'As you have had your break
fast, captain," he said, suavely, 'I
wish you to take half-a-dozen caval
rymen to help you, and ride on
across the river at B appannock
Station and see to the prompt re
moval of all trains back out of sight
from this side.'
"If he had made ine a colonel on
the spot he could not have pleased
me better; not that I particularly
admired the duty, but because I
saw the hope of something to eat
at the end of it..
"Rappahannock Station wr.s sim
ply one wild, chaotic mass of men,
horses and artillery, while a little
further on were the rear wagon
trains, the object of my solicitude.
Nobody knew where anybody else
was, and every one wanted to know
something no one could tell him.
"By judiciously suggesting to
the division and brigade quarter
master that the air was likely to be
dark with a shell in about half an
hour, I had the satisfacti6 of see
ing the last wagon speedily dis
appear-behi nd-theheheringwoods.
"This waa destined to be a busy
day. The enemy was hurrying up
his troops, and by nightfall of the
30th the whole Confederate army
filled the woods on the opposite
side of the river. Our corps, that
is ArcDowell's, faced them in the
center at th2 station; Siegel's corps
was on our right, and Banks and
Reno on the left, the whole line.ex
tending abc ut six miles. Batteries
were posted on every available po
sition, pickets lined each river
bank, and both armies, grimly fac
ing each other; were glad to spend
the night in needed sleep and rest.
The morning of the 21st did not
have a chance to get aired before
the enemy ope::ed on us with shot
and shell, his hope being most like
ly to dislodge our artillery, de
moralize our infantry, and, by
watching a fa: irable opportunity,
push across the :iver under cover of
his own fire.
"The echo of' the first Confed
erate gun had not died away before
our own artillery opened in a miost
vicious and heavy cannonade
sweeping the opposite bank with a
torrent of iron hail, to ci-oss which
his infantry would find much more
unhealthy thau the Rappahannock.
"This was the first time I had
been under an artillery fire, and I
had an experience of the whizzing,
shrieking, bursting shells, and the
the hurtling richochetting round
shot, which seemed to fill the air
with a pandemonium that could
presage nothing but sudden and
ghastly annihilation.
-'There sat the general on his
horse, spying about with his field
glass as . though he had a first-class
box at the opera and was enjoying
the performance immensely, while
his staff; myself among the rest,
stood around and tried to 'grin
horridly a ghastly smile.'
"'They're a little too high,' ob
served the general critically, as the
iron demons ho'wled over our heads,
but in a moment added :
"'Ah ! that's better, much bet
ter,' as a round shot took our order
ly's leg off and a shell scattered an
aide's hors2 to the fou': winds of
heaven, leaving the owner thanmkful
that he was not on him.
"All day long~ this racket went
on at the station, assisted .by
lighter ncannonading up and down
the river, while along its banks the
pickets and sharpshooters kept up
a wary but persistent exchange of
leaden compliments.
"Occasionally I was sent with
orders to this or that battery or
brigade, and I consider it due to
myself to say that I could not just
ly be accus;d of fooling time away
in the transit. Once when I got
back to headquarters the general
was delivering a kind of lecture on
courage under circumstances sim
ilar to these, and in suppoft of a
point he had made remarked:
"'I think- mt is Emerson who
says: A great part of courage is
the courage of having done the
thing before.'
"Then I 'spose if a fellow gets his
head knocked off a few times he'll
cease to take much discomfort to
himself over the process,' gfiwled
the-corps missionary, who had an
abiding conviction that his beef
cattle far in the rear needed his
presence. Just then a 'three-inch
round shot came over, and, striking
a large, tough hickory stump
bounded about fifty feet in the air,
came down in the midst of a group
of orderlies. The little party broke
up with such suddenness as to pro
voke a wild burst of laughter.
which ceased suddenly as a Hotch
kiss shell came right through the
headquarter party with the yell of
a full division of fiends and caused
everybody, from general to cook to
bow to it, with most profound re
spect.
"I noticed that down among the
infantry supports very little in
terest seemed taken in the affair.
As soon as officers and men found
that the enemy's shot and shell
were all likely to go over or fall
short, the social canteens passed
among the former, while the latter
soon had their attention absorbed
in impromptu 'bluff' and 'sweat,'
while up at the batteries the artill
erymen worked away at their guns
with as much coolness as though
they were firing Fourth of July
salutes, and envied them 'the cour
age having done the thing before.'
"The next day the entertain
ment was renewed, and, to tell the
truth, I found I was getting acus
tomed to 'the gentle music of the
pursuasive Hotchkiss shell.' I took
heart of grace, and I suppose
strolled around rather airily, for
suddenly the general said :
"'Captain Jamison, just ride over
to that First Maine battery and
tell them to depress their guns a
little more; their shot are flying
wild.'
"All day we had marked the road
to that battery as a particularly
warm one, and the order conside
rably cooled my exuberance. Away
I went, however, through what
seemed a hailstorm of lead upon
the drum of my ear. I delivered
my message in a tone that I deemed
to have considerable backbone in it,
and started back. Fifty yards
away from the battery was a very
"pedrettb; and I was nmkiig
across this at full speed when I
seemed to be suddenly spun
through the air for an endless dis
tance, and to see such a pyrotechnic
displ: as all the Fourth of July's
in the land never got up. Then I
lost all interest in the proceedings.
When I came to myself I was ly
ing on a gum blanket at headquar
ters. The staff was standing
around me like a coroner's inquest,
while the surgeon was pawing me
over as though he was inspecting a
Thanksgiving turkey, remarking
carelessly :
"Oh ! he'll come around all right
directly. There's not a hole or a
break about him.'
"'I'm' glad of it,' said the gen
-eral, 'for he is a brave fellow.'
"'Ah, general,' I thought,- hazily,
to myself, 'you don't know as much
about that as I do.'
"Thus the second day passed,
and- the third was but a repetition
of the other two, with the addition
ot a gallant charge by a brigade
which was scattered by our artillery.
In the midst of the artillery
tournament a Confederate regiment
charged valiantly up th~e hill close
to the bridge, and, undaunted -by
the heavy artillery fire, rushed into
and captured one of the redoubts on
the other side of the river-but it
was empty. Then their batteries
howled a parting benison and they
ceased firing, and the three days'com
paratively harmless artillery duel
at Rappahannock Station was over.
I had all I wanted of 'the courage
of having done the thing before.' "
THE PHILOSOPHY OF .IT.-"I oO
hate to have a htisband1 who 'lowan
ces me every time I Want to buy
anything," said Mrs. Slimms.
"When I tell Slimms that I want a
little change to go shoppi'ng with
he don't hem and haw as some men
do. He just takes out his pocket
book and says, 'certainly, my dear ;
how nmuch do you -want, a five or
a tent'" "
"And what did you say ?" asked
Mrs. Smith.
"Oh, I never say anything. He
gives the money right off without
waiting for me to answer."
"And how much does he give
you?''
"A dollar gener-ally-unless he
has somo change handy. But it
isn't the amount that I care so
much about. It is the readiness
with which he responds to my re
quest that makes me think so much
of him."
It is estimated that there are
85,000 words in the English la'n
guage.______
Bleached mouse is the latest fav
orite shade. This will probably be
followed by the rattan.
There are 75,000 French people,
it is said, in New York city.
The,pension payments' for this.
yar wim amoan to $I10,O000
HUGGING AS A FINE AT.
A queer case has just cor.e to
light in Chicago. A young u
spent an evening with his girl, d
during the evening, while the fam
ily was present in the parlor, he
was demure and bland and child
like as could be wished. The
mother came into the room after
the family had retired to. get a
handkerchief she had left, and the
young man was seated in a chair in
the middle of the room, while the
girl was seated on a sofa, and noth
ing that the mother could see in
the actions of either led her to
think they were more than passing
acquaintances. It seemed to her
as though the young people had
met before, but there was no evi
dence that they.were very well ac
quainted. At night, after he had
gone, the girl complained of a pain
in her side, and in the morning a
doctor was called, and he found
that two of the girl's ribs were
broken. How it was done nobody
knew. The girl could not tell for
the life of her, though she blushed
when asked about it, and the moth
er looked very wise as she looked
at the doctor. The doctor made
some inquiries, set the ribs and
went away, and the girl pro
cecded to recover.
That evening the young man
called and was astonished when in
formed of the extent of the girl's
injuries, and wondered how it could
have happened, though the mother
watched his face close as he spoke
and detected not only a blush but a
profuse perspiration on his face.
She had been a girl once herself,
and though she had never had any
ribs broken she had been hugged
some. It was a trying position for
all of them. The father was away
on a trip to Wisconsin, and when
he came home the matter had to be
explained to him. He was told
that the ribs just simply broke
themselves, and neither the mother
nor the girl nor the young man
could account for it, and yet all
three of them blushed terribly. The
father patted his girl on the head,
told her she wonld be better when
she got over-it, and then called the
young man into the library. The
young.. man- was o-weak he cold
hardly walk, and when he sat down
he took out a handkerchief and
mopped his brow and wished he
was dead.' The father looked the
young man over and was sorry.
He finally said:
"Young man, I guess I can give
you some points on hugging. You
must first learn that a girl is not
constructed on the same principle
of an iron fence or a truss bridge.
A girl is a delicate piece of me
chanism, like a fine watch, full of
little springs, wheels, jewels, &c.
The breaking of any one of these
would cause her to cease keeping
time and necessitate her being
takeun to a jeweler for repairs. In
hugging a girl you don't want to
go at it as if you were raking and
binding or catchiug sturgeon. I
know that where the family sits up
late with a young couple and spoils
several precious hours of hugging,
that unless the young man has a
good head when left alone with the
object of his affection, that he is
liable to overdo the matter and
try to make up for lost time. He
seems to want. to hug up a lot ahead
and grabs the girl as though he
wanted to break her in two. This
is wrong. You should go at it
calmly and deliberately, even
prayerfully, and be as gentle as
though she was an ivory fan. The
gentle pressure of the hand that a
girl loves, even the touch, is as
dear to her as though you run her
through a stone crushcr. You should
not grab her as you would a bag of
oats and leave marks on her that
will last a lifetime. A loving wo
man should not be made to feel that
her life is in danger unless she
wears a corset made of boiler iron.
I hope this will be a lesson to you,
and hereafter, if you cannot con
trol your feelings, I will provide a
wooden Indian for you to practice
on at first, until you have developed
your muscle and got tired, and then
we can turn our daughter loose in a
room with you and not feel that it
is necessary to keep a surgeon
handy- In allowing you to keep
company with my daughter I do not
agree to provide you with a human
gymnasium, dressed in a Mother
Hubbard wrapper and wearing
bangs. You can readily see that a
girl would not last a season through
if she had to have ribs set once a
week. Please think this thing
over, and if the girl is well enough
next Sunday you can drop in and
try some more ribs. Now, you go
home and hug a hat rack for an
hour or two and .have it repaired in
the morning."
The young man went out into the
night air, took his, hat off to cool
his head and hired a man to kick
him.-Milwaukee Sui.
Every telegraph .operator who
sends 500 average messages a day
-and this is a fair days's .work
makes 360,000 motions.
Walking with your hands be
hind you if you find yourself be
coming bent forward.
JUMPING TINE TRACK.'
""Whenever a man is killed in a
run-off,"'' said a veteran trainman to
a reporter, "a great many people
who imagine that they are wiser
than they really are, want.*to know
why he did not save his life by
jumping. The fact of the matter is
that no one on a train has a chance
to jump, except the engineer and
the fireman, for the reason that they
are the only persons who can see
the danger ahead. Whenever an
accident occurs, it occurs so quick
ly that a passenger or trainman has
no time to do anything but trust to
luck to pull him through. I have
figured in a great many accidents
during my career as a railroad man,
and I have arrived at the conclu
sion that the best thing for any per
son' to do when a train jumps the
track or goes down an embankment,
is to hold on like grim death to the
first object they lay their hands on.
You would be surprised to know
how strong is the desire of many
trainmen to jump whenever the
wheels leave the rails, but the
sudden jolting and bouncing
whiob they receive so dazes them
that it is impossible for them to
jump. I was in a run-off one day
and was considerably amused when
the whole train was safely brought
to a stand-still, to see a long, lanky
fellow bound from the door of a
baggage ca- down a bank ten
feet high. He firmly believes to
this day that he would have been
killed if he had not jumped when he
did. Hundreds of trainmen have
done the same thing. They get so
frightened that they will make per
ilous leaps when the train is per
fectly still and all danger is past.
"In a run-off the baggage master
has the most dangerous position, as
the heavy trunks and the train
chest. loaded with links and chains,
are liable to fall on him and crush
him to death. Many a good fellow
has shared this fate.
"No man in a railroad accident
can tell how he is coming out until
the danger is over, and escapes
from death often appear miracu
lous, The nearest call-I ever had
in my life was in the early days-of
my railroadi career. At
tflTwas a eman on a,
train, and one night while we were
galloping along at the rate of
twelve or fifteen miles an hour, the
on car top of lrhich I was standing,
together with six others, left the
track and went down a bank thirty
feet high. I heard a crash and the
splitting of tiiber, and felt myself
tumbling down through the dark
ness, and that is about all I could
ever tell of the accident, except
that. after I had got back some of
the mind which had been knocked
out of me I found myself lying on
the ground beside the cars, which
were 'in a pile and .smashed to
pieces. I escaped without a bruise."
T HE T RA MP8' MISTAKEE.
They were two tramps, and they
were crossing a cornfield in Flat
bosh in search of watermelons.
The farmer's searecrow had fallenl
up against the fence.
They armed themselves with des
icated tomatoes and began pelting
the figure. Then they began to
make beta of a million dollars as to
which could plunk it in the back or
knock its hat of.~
As the sport grew exciting they
approached nearer and nearer, and
were soon firing young pumpkins
at the noxzdescript.
"See where that last tomato
fetched him'in the head !" said one.
~''et you can't come within a
mile of that shot 1"
"Bet you a thousand dollars.'
"Done."
"I'll do better than that. Bet I
hit him before you do !"
"Done !"
And then to get the bulge on
each other they both started on a
dead run toward the object. To
make assurance doubly sure, they
ran to within a couple of feel of it
and then halted to take aim.
And then, as one went over the
fence and the other landed'in a
near by ditch, the scarecrow picked
up a hoe and, as it started in on
another ro~w, it recited the follow
ing paragraph :
"I've been layin' fur you fellers
fur some time. I seed ye comin'
an' leaned over the fence ter give
ye a chance at that watermelon
patch. Ther next timre ye come
around this way drop in an' take a
bite-ov the bulldog."
And the tramps made believe
they were dead, and didn't even
dare to laugh at the farmer's back,
which looked as if he'd been shot
with a tomato field
[New York World.
Neaer 'propose to a girl in writ
ing. It is "present company" that
is "always accepted."
One of the best stops for a hand
organ is a pawter dime.
*A cloth wi-ung out from cold
water put about the neck at '
for the sore throat
81Mw agam(gm
I
Nts beee
en bove. -
Kodees aof.dw-haq
ot'upecsame laom pt_, asR
ad u s.
Advertbemat=otmarked viib a
berof isrdoss wii be 'kept .itt
and charsed accadf.
.Secial contracts made wi 1g adr
Users, with liberal deductinson a
JOB FRJPWT
DONE wrrH NEATNESS AND DIaT.t
TERMS CASH.
AN EDITOR'S DREAW.
He fell asleep after a time, and'
10 ! he dreamed again. And it
seemed to him a vision, that, hav
ing armed himself with certain
papers and books, he tirned his
steps once more towards the palace, .
and knocked at the gate.
"Hello ! -is that you, again?" said
Peter,'' "What do you wish?"
"Let those persons again come
forth," replied the editor; and.
Peter this time made them.all coma
through the gate and stand o '.
side.
They came as before and uttered;
the same cries as before.
"Why didn't you notice . that
big egg I sent you?" yelled.h
first.",t1,,tw s o$ l',y..,
"It was rnitn"
"Why didit- yoD rlte
soda -fountai?"-criedlh
"You had your -tickets
the other office," calmly r Up
editor.
"Why did you writeup
Tomlinson's hens;and v
of my new gate?"
"Old Tomlinsonaid
vertisement, and you lidait
the bill !" saidthe editr .
"Why did yeu' spef ny
wrong in the prngenuind"
the local talent.
"Take a look at this,
of yours and see for yoursa '
the editor, -with a ''in.
The rest of the compan
their complaints in unison
editor calnily sorted. ut:f
bills .for 'unpaid sabe ri
presented each with da;
so when they receited i
tore their hair and rnd"
down a steep place d rre
and Peter, taking the e-tn
by the hand, 'led him
gate-New York World f
THE GLORY OF W
-TOW,
The viitor' at"this tda e
that the glory ofW
its frees,- sayn a letter --
tional capitaL. Every ide
avenue is lined *ith th&
shade the parks andll-~
and squares of green"
culiar conformation. 4
places- at almost:vry
ner.W
aoor Amris
to .look like tunnels%
quarries or brickyarda
-It is fo te ,
spect as a.cityo ~ -
Ing no -commerce and n
its streets, it can mantai
smooth asphalt pvmn
make carriage-driving hr
than on a well-keptoeiv4
In one particular i
hind the metropolitan
The detestable brice ldauk
exist In-ahmost all partso
and' with their bulgesau
wrench the feet so-bady-t-a
commnn thing f4 det
take to the streets h4
better adapted for wll
sidewalks. .The -
and other parks ie
special feature of Giii
Many -are beantifid'wi
flowers set opt fom *
for. They fiirnit
looks for- the .honsesb
eye of the passer-bj. Mauy
public buildings are
with slopes of welltended
dotted with beds ofJilower. .
W RESTI.R%Q WITH A
QRA PHf POLE.
It was midnight, ad 1
tion near the Wor&d aee.
man was fearfully and wonde
full. He walked up to th.e
alarm signal boxand placed a
el in it.' Then he sat dowar
the curbstone.
"Why don't the car start?
He received-DO.answer. -
"Why don't the ear at!''
Still no answer.
"Gimme back me fare,te '
It was not returned.
Then he jmped up, -
telegraph -pole around the
sudattempted to trip itfup.
was a spirited tuggingfor
seconde, and then he had
terrific kick at the -Teet"CM '
versary; and the-riesult wias
kicked himself over his owa
He picked himself uBd
off,. saying :
"Yer smarter conductor
thought yer wuz, but I believe na~
Lhat I'd a throwed'yer, if yer
hadd't come off yer"-NwY'
World.
The weakest spot in any maah
where. he thinks himselfo
A brilliant e -.
riage of

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