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DEVOTED TO POLITICS, NROI&LiTY,9 EDUCATION AND To THE 6ENERLITRTOFHEOURY
Bjr p*D F. BRADLEY &CO. PLUKENS, S, C, THU RSDAY. OCOE0,18 O.X-N.3
AT AFLRED SAGR LAUORTEB.
Twould have been better had we never met,
For then no tantalizing memory
Of summer hours that I enjoyed with thee
Could haunt my winter days with vain regret.
May I not hope thou wilt almost forget
One person whom thou canst not quite forgive?
But in my thought thy name may ever live,
Like eve's bright star when sui- wf love ham set.
Unto the worshipers who throng the pave
Of marble through the grand cathedral steles,
Music'@ sweet voice to all alike doth tell
A charm for curing woe. Thus, by open grave
My folly digged for love, thy pardoning smuilles,
Warm love's cold lips I kissed for death's farewell
JONE S' MISTAKE.
"Heigho I" yawned Mr. Ellicott, the
real-estate agent, as he looked out of the
window at two old women, a market
cart, and the postman. " Times are dull
-fearfully dull I Never have known 'em
so stagnant since I was in the business.
A list of wouses to rent and for sale that
would suit anybody, at prices that are
absolutely scandalous, as far as cheap
ness is concerned, and no demand for
'em-literally none ! "
And Mr. Ellicott lighted his cigar, ar
ranged the " To Lets " a little more at
tractively In the window, and shook his
head mournfully at the big ledger on the
But just at that instant in which he
drew a sigh, indicative of the extremest
despondency, a stout, middle-aged gen
tleman, with a felt hat, an umbrella un
der his arm, and square-toed boots,
walked into the neatly-carpeted office.
The agent slipped nimbly off his chair,
laid down his cigar, and assumed the
" What can I do for you?" he said,
rubbing his hands, and scenting abrown
stone sale, or a red-brick exchange, at
the very least.
"My name is Jones," said the stout
"Happy to see you, Mr. Jones," sim
pered the real-estate agent, rubbing
away harder than ever.
"And I want to rent a respectable
house in a pleasant neighborhood," add
ed the gentleman. "I am sick of
boarding, and I intend to take a house
and go to housekeeping."
"Certainly, by all means," said the
agent, beginning briskly to flutter over
the leaves of his book. " We have, I am
happy to say, a number of most eligible
residences here, which can hardly fail to
meet your requisitions."
"Give me a list," said the old gentle
"C0ertainly," said Mr. Ellicott, dip
ping his pen into the wooden standish.
" I mean business," said Mr. Jones.
" I amn glad to hear it," said the agent.
And scarcely five minutes more had
elapsed before the middle-aged gentle
mafr with the alpaca umbrella and the
square-toed boots was whore a fat-let
tered "To Let " hung conspicuously be
side the door.
Miss 'Pamelia Peppermint was just
taking her hair out of crimp in the front
third-story apartment as the bell sounded
its hollow toain through the house.
" Joanna," said Miss Pamelia, over
the stairs, "look out of the area window
and see who it is."
" It is a gentleman, ma'am," Joanna
answered, in a shrill whisper, "in a su
perfine broadcloth c:oat and a new uim
" Come to answer the advertisement,"
said Miss Pamelia, radiantly. " Show
him into the parlor, Joanna, and tell
him.I'll be down directly."
She settled her crimps once again,
pinned a betite ribbon bow in her back
hair, gave her forehead a farewell dab
* with a l ,er puff, and read over for
the lasti Maragraph in the morn
ing's par oh ran as follows :
experieno0 s oskeprtogn
tleman of ~ tilr edapyt
Mise P., N ot
"Dear Ms eprit
" how m~ r..o ueyti
and dewareno ssepi
bilitya a hphl
Bhie *e ~ rsodwt
tripping irsrrs h
,prshotd with a
nn out shaid ofe
2I ~ ~ aere thee mis,
eepermint. wih a
hebridg. of your
nose and a holqg in you' stocking A
hem I Please to walk in, sir," to the
middle-aged gentleman who appeared on
the threshold, with his spectacles tipped
over the bridge of his nose, and his um
brella carried, javelin-fashion, under his
arm. "I have the pleasure of adress
" My name is Jones," said the gentle
man, brusquely. "You are the lady
" Who advertised? Yes," said Miss
Peppermint, with a smiling inclination
of her head.
" Then I wonder at you !" enunciated
"Sir I" said Miss Peppermint.
"As old as the hills," said Mr. Jones.
"All out of repair. Fifty years old at
the very least."
" Sir I" ejaculated the lady, more as
tounded than ever.
"Truth is truth," said the gentleman.
"Not even decently painted."
" Painted?" gasped Miss Peppermint
instinctively remembering the pearl
"Rheumaticky, and full of fever and
ague ! " energetically added Mr. Jones.
"A tumble-down old ruin ! "
" Sir, you insult me I " cried the spin
ster, bristling up.
"Then, madam, you shouldni't ob
trude your damaged wares before the
" I was never so abused before in my
life ! " faltered Miss Peppermint, wring
ing her hands.
" It's high time somebody spoke the
truth," said Mr. Jones.
" Leave the house, sir ! " said Miss
"And welcome," said Mr. Jones, put
ting his hat belligerently on the side of
his head. and shouldering his umbrella
like a bayonet.
" But first let me give you a little ad
vice. The next time you have a house
"But I haven't any house to let," in
dignantly interposed Miss Pamelia.
"Eli ? " said Mr. Jones.
"And never had," added the lady,
"Isn't this house to let?"
"Yes, but it isn't mine, and I've noth
ing to do with it."
" You said you advertised."
"So I did," said Miss Pamelia, With
difficulty keeping back her hysteric
tears. "But I wanted a position as
The middle-agedbachelor stood aghast,
the full horror of his situation gradually
breaking upon him.
" Madam," he said, " I beg your pa~r
" Sir,"~ said Miss Peppermint, " there
has been an unfortunate misapprehen
sion all around."
. "I was alluding to the house, maam
when I uned those unfortunate adject
ives," explained Mr. Jones. "I hope
you don't think, ma'am, that I could ap
ply them to a lady ?"
A'I am a solitary female," said Miss
Peppermint, retiring behind her hand
kerchief, " and I find myself compelled
to earn my bread in a genteel way. You
couldn't recommend me to any single
gentleman in want of a capable house
keeper, could you ?"
" N-no ma'am, I couldn't, that is just
at present," stammered Mr. Jones. "But
if I hear of one I will certainly let you
know. Good morning."
And he bolted out of the door in a state
of cold perspiration.
" What a fool I've been!" ' saihe to
himself, as he strode along th~ wlidy
April streets, wiping his forehe' twith a
red silk handkerchief. " I'll go back to
Mrs. Budget's addegagsyrooms tre
for the next ten years."
And so he did.
Nobody answered Miss Pamelia's ad
vertisement ; no one rented the desirable
mansion No. 99 Nixon street.
Mr. Ellicott, the real-estate agent, de
clares that business is duller than evdr,
and Mrs. Budget, the boarding-house
keeper, says to her daughter:
"Whatever has come to Mr. Jones
don't~ know, but he's as docile as a lamb,
and hasn't found faulwithi his roast joint
in a month."
"Wonders will never cease," uulys Miss
In Harper's Mont~li, Mrs. RFrame,
Woods Baker, a thoroughly truthful
person, gives a dream of the drowning
of Rev. Caleb Stetson's son on a voy
age. The facts of the fall from the mast
are given exactly as they occurred, and
were told by Mrs. Baker, before any,
thing had been heard of young Stetson,
to several persons, whose testimony is
given in this article. Mrs. Baker, a sis
ter of~ President Leonard Woods, was
very sick at the time, and generally
thought to be dying.
OLD MR. SPOOPENDYKE.
This 24me He Misses His Proyer Book.
"Now, my dear," said Mr. Spoopen
dyke cheerfully, "be lively. It'3 10:20
o'clock, and we musn'tbe late at church.
"Yes, dear," beamed Mrs. Spoopen
dyke. "I'm ready. Got everything ?"
"I think so. Hymn book, umbrella,
and-where's the prayer book ? I haven't
got the prayer -book."
"Where did you leave it?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, turning over the volumes
on the table hurriedly.
"If I knew where I left it, I'd strut
right to that spot and get it," retorted
Mr. Spoopendyke. "I left it ~vyou.
Where did you put it? Can re.
member what you do with thi
"I haven't seen it since last Sunday,"
returned Mrs. Spoopendyke, faintly.
"I know," she continued; "perhaps it is
"Perhaps it is," mimicked Mr. Spoop.
endyke. "Perhaps it got up early, took
a bath and went ahead of us. Did you
ever see a prayer book prowl off to
church all alone ? Ever see a prayer
book h'ist up its skirts and strike out for
the sanctuary without an escort? S'pose
a prayer book knows the differerce be
tween a church and a ham sandwich ?
Where did you put it?"
"I meam you may have left it in the
pew rack. You know you did once,"
suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"I didn't anything of the sort. I
brought it home and gave it to you.
Where do you keep it ? What did you
do with it ? S'pose I'm going to swash
around through that service without
knowing whether they are doing the
Apostle's creed or an act of Congress?
Spring around and find it, can't you?
What are you looking there for? Don't
you know the difference between a
prayer book and the 'Wandering Jew?'
Find it, can't you?" .
"Never mind it, dear," fluttered Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "I know all the re
sponses, and I'll help you along."
" Oh, yes, you know 'em all. What
you don't know about religion wouldn't
wad a gun. All you want is a bell and a
board fence to be a theological ueminary.
Think you can find that prayer between
now and the equinoctial ?" howled Mr.
Spoopendyke. "Got any idea whether
you sold the measly - thing for china
vases or stirred it into the wheat cakes ?
Have I been chewing divine grace all
the morning ? Where's that prayer
book ? Going to get that prayer book
before the Revelations come to pass ?"
and Mr. Spoopendyke plunged around
the room, tumbling books about and
" I don't see the use of making such a
fuss over a thing you don't really need,"
sobbed Mrs. Spoopendyke through her
" Oh, you don't," raved Mr. Spoopen.
dyke. " You don't see any use in put
ting things where they belong, either,
do you ? How d'ye s'pose I'm going to
keep up with religion without a prayer
book ? How d'ye s'pose I'm going to
know when it's my turn to show what
Christianity has done for me unless you
can find that dod gasted book between
now and the resurrection ?" and Mr.
Spoopendyke spun around on his heel
like a top and knocked over a Parisian
" Wait a minute, my (dear," said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, looking at him earnestly.
Then she went behind hxipn and flahd1
out the prayer book.
" Got it, didn't you'6" he growled.
" Had it all the time, I e#pose. Where
was it, anyway ?"
" In your coat-tail pocket, dear," and
firs. Spoopendyke jabbed the powder
lnff in her eyes and stalked down stairs.
'~ing her liege to follow.
jE FEl INTERZSTING PUZZLE.
4p a storm at sea there was a Chris
tianx Captain on board a vessel with fif
te0ch'seamen, who chanced to meet with
a Turkish vessel with the same nme
of seamen in her, who were in danger of
l4In ost. The Turkish Captain most
e z~tly entreated the Christian Cap
take him and his men on board
his vessel in order to save them from
the danger to which they were exposed.
The Christian Captain consented and
took him and his men on board his ves
se, but, the storm still ificreasing, until'
their destruction seemed inevitable, it
was then agreed by both Captains to
place all the men on deck and cast off
every ninth man, until half the men
were thrown overboard, in order to save
tho other half. The Christian Captain
performed this with such simplicity, ac
curacy and ingenuity that, by casting
off every ninth man, he drowned all the
Turks and saved his own men. The
question is, how vere the thirty men
Placed in line?9
A girl may not ak a mian to become
her husband ; but there are many ways
in which she may with propriety com
municate to almost any bright young
man her ideas concerning him. They
are not set down in the guide-books.
They are not part of our written litera
ture. They come not by rule and regn
Intion. They are above and beyond all
these, and responsible to no law. Im
possible though it be to define them in
wort, the language of love speaks them
more plainly than 'cornet voice. Most
girls start out in life with the intention
of marrying somebody, though many of
them are what is called too particular.
The girl who waits to marry, but is not
easily suited, looks around to see what
offers, and finds that this man's beard is
too red, that one's eyes too blue, and the
other one's ears too long. She will look
a little farther. She examines all that
are in the market, and concludes to look
farther yet. And when, after having al
most unconsciously become a flirt, and
having broken the hearts of half the
young men in the neighborhood, she
keeps on " looking a little farther," she
finds herself going down the hill on the
shady side of the way, still with an in
definable longing to marry somebody,
and wondering who will come
propose to her. It would be rIz
vise the young lady to
marrying man who offers
rash to advise her to w an
keep on waiting, and last
body. But, if she des to
tled in life," it is well I to be too par
ticular, or too shy to give encourage
t ~an when he comes
Various illustrations have been sug
gested to convey totie mind some idea
of illimitable duration. It has been
said, suppose that die drop of ocean
should be dried up erY thousand years,
Low long would it be ere the last drop
would disappear and t* ocean's bed be
left dry and rusty? I1r'onward as that
would be in the com , eternity
would but have comm It has
been said, suppose this v be upon
which we tread were com of parti
cles of the finest sand, that one
particle should disappear 'the termi
nation of each million years, oh,
how inconceivably immeni must be
the period which must else before
the last particle would 156 gone I
And yet, eternity wtould be in its
morning twilight. It has been said,
suppose some little insect, so small as to
be imperceptible to the naked eye, were
to carry this world by its tiny mouth..
fuls to the most distant star in the heav.
ens. Hundreds of millions of ye
would be required for the single journey
The insect commences on the leaf of (
tree and takes its little load, so small
that even the microscope cannot discovet
that it is gone,and sets out on its almost.
endless journey. After millins and
millions of years have roiled away it ar
rives back for its second dad& -Oh,
what interminable ages would elapse be.
fore the whole tree would be removed!
When would the forest be gone? -Ass
the globe? Even then, eternity wonigt
not have commenced.
A DIFFERENCE of opinion exists amog
European engineers in regard to the
practicab~ility of establishing a sea, as is
now proposed, in thg"~great Sahara, the
chief problem being, it would seem, how
to keep it up. It lsa irgued, that, sup
posing the sea to be create4 by means of
a canal, it would lose en enormous
quantity of water b~y ev C4a~nevery
day, without the intr ~imof an
equal volume of fresh The water
evaporated being repl baspl
coming through the whole
body will soon reach ins of
saturation ; and thus, oao
still continuing, a deposi * will be
formed, which in time m mll up the
whole space of the*' sate:
linity of the water' such tha6 5io
animal life would be psIble in it, and
the ultimate Xesult being simply the ac
cumulation of an isonessae deposit of
alt. On the other hand, kiojectors
91 the enterprise claim that t M, e
of this watertktnifbqvaporatded mAst
produce copions r h,Mhidh will in a
large measure return into the sea, and
thus not only aeoomplish the object re
ferred to, but alhd convert a sterile waste
into a fertile condtfry.
TI HE California Rgglgteg age credite
with an amo 4t of wealth which would
comfortably 'support, semalf country
Mr. Charle 0moker, IW staed to be
worth $84,495,458; Ma S4adtan
ford, $84,848,808, and' t B,
It is excccdingly aggrvating "' a"l a
victim to craft. The proprietors of a
comic magazine once paid a "humorist "
$10,000 for the xclusive right to the
product of his pen for twelve months,
but, omitting te make any stipulation as
to the minimum quantity they were to
receive, they had to be content with a
solitary contribution. Just such an
other contemptible trick was that played
by Peter Pindar in making up as a man
nigh unto death, thereby obtaining ?300
histead of 200 a year for the copyright
of his works; an annuity the hypocrite
enjoyed for many a year after his verse
found readers. Tired of fruitlessly de
manding the settlement of an account,
Horace Greeley sent it on to a Western
attorney for collection, advising him he
might keep half the amount for his
trouble. Some time elapsed without re
ceiving any communication, but at last
came this gratifying note :
" DEAR SUM : I have succeeded in po -
lecting my half of that claim;
ance is hopeless."
Having nothing else to, or
ace was fain topoc
d. It used
l 'takM zmg of thea
liquid sap ocoiponed this. But
as frequently before the
eOst as after it. The
been,.1 d to cause it
iO fe t on the southerlyieldf
thp a " on the north. But som
times, ie the tides, it occurs 'cn both
sia at once. The College Quarte4?y
a theory of explanation giv
some German obiervers, who have ':
this phenomenon a special subject of
study. They say that the protoplasm in
the cells of. the newly-formed wood and
bark is extremly hydroscopic, imbibing
water and swelling like ,a sponge. The
aggregate force of expansion 'of thou
sands of cells ii sufficient, 6ertainly, to
account for the disruption. The editor
adds the remark that sorts of trees,
more seem to
have an water
from with oe iu
enee is im'iWeA~4 for always find
the injury a4 4just Akove the surface.
Sudden chng O'tmprature proba
bly determines the aotiaa crisis of the
Tan North pole, s A I' a .Balti
mere clairwoyant: *'i situ
ated on saulrs
rock ; r.iaha
pert n att
white b l sts,
Island the veg t~~ is not so
i hastre 14l f'uits, but
ar&pnosig the natural
are the wosebrry, bisekberry,
grape, current, uspberry, and man
drake. But it differ s n the elet side
in having monkemys, s~dIn having vest
numbers of birds of every sise and plu
mage. Amon ~ are the ostrich,
swan, gnqiail, robin sand
hunming n both sides are many
.TM y~nes presents
est of the grain produ
this .and Europe, together with
of our recent p pton
' that our what crop
els, end the torn crop
MtIll also be very large, exceeding tbat of
1879, But the Eusepean harvests prom
ise to be much better thsh last year,
the foreign desmap4 for the et
Isn't ujeoedt be more then
thirds I arge as for the past M
months,. in which period the fa~dd
?tates exported about 180,0,0d0O bushi
els of wheat and 100, ~~~t~u.of -
Tinas is no real life
sworn, before they e Ri
not to say a wdd of tg
meeting breaks up.
kr courtL to ana
"CAN tough fowl be made tender?"
sks a housewife. Certainly ; in many
boarding-houses the boarders find the
landlady tenders tough fowl.
"Tom," said a girl to her sweetheart
" you have been paying your distresses
to me long enough. It is time you
made known your contentions, so as not
to keep me in expense any longer."
WHN a Chicago girl comes home by
rail, she opens a window and slants her
ear toward it. All she has to do when
she arrives is to empty her ear into the
coal-bin and the family are supplied
with a couple of scuttles of fuel for the
A DARKY who was stooping to wash
his hands in a creek didn't notice the
peculiar actions of a goat just behind
him; so, when he scrambled out of the
water and was asked how it happened,
lie answered: "I dunno 'zactly ; but
'peared a e shore kinder h'isted and
tel of the following sen
be a certain cure for
meets Snobbs and
bs to Snobbs and
obs with Snobbs and
"This is," says
of Hobbs' jobs,"
lecturing lately on
. ple of their own
at a young lady
his next lecture
ipon, ahn( ng told " the cir
6-Ahe b replied that sh >
should certainly r she had been
troublM wit Ja r4nP t forr eng
TO THE TERREs'TRA$G I.
[By a Miserable Wretc].
onl o, thou bell, roll on !
Through pathles realms of space
Rol on !
What though I'm in a sorry case?
What though I cannot meet my bills ?
What though I suffer toothache's Ills ?
What tb augh I swallow countless pills?
Never you mind;
Roll on J
Roll on, thou ball, roll on I
Through seas of inky air
Ioll on I
It's true I've got no shirts to wear;
It's true my butcher's bill In due;
It's true my prospects all look blue;
But don't let that unsettle you I
Never you mind I
Roll on I
-W. S. Gilbert.
Hz was a demure, countrified-looking
man, and was remarkably awkward and
shy. .He had been to the restaurant
once before, and the smart waiter by the
name of William had palmed off a bad
.quarter 6n .him. Fe came a second
time, and, on handing over a S1i bill, he
remarked in a timid way, " Last time
you gave me a bad quarter ; please be
oire orulthis time." " No danger,"
~~4pktwaiter, " that was the only
4Mia kind I had. MOrry I can't ae~
~oate you with another,"' as he
shalled out the change. All the after
111lllam wab chuckling to himself,
helist time he smiled right heart
*as later in the evening, just before
settled with the boss, when that indi
b1Iucoked him a bad $5 bill, with
the humorous remark, " I'll makre you a
present of that $5, Williia, and take it
out of your salary at the end of the
4 DOG 5f02%WO2TE THE TELLING.
H. B. Lapia has owned a canary
bird and a small eur dog about three
years. The two pets have, in fact, known
each other intimately all theirlives, and
they have been on uncommonly cordial
terms, considering the radical difference
in thefr reeppstive natures. On Wednes
day st bird escaped from its cage,
yv after the dog disappeare&
en Lapham opened his front
door y4 dy mornilg there stood the
dog wl he 'tant canary in its mouth.
Remarkable as it Is the bird was alive,
and it now oupies iteold quarters, not
particularly "chipper," It is true, Mit
still inpassably good health.
- Tuw aneM-canng b ~~~n
to iast proportions in thielenry, es
peolally in whihelv as i
the whole o po et oI the ons~try.
?aat theftoe 20 os a
M opoked'eeand 25- entsa
ecooked aa pws...a tongues,
the c4ig goods, of ourse, onsiuting
mnta4l of good, nourishIng feed. This
kind of food abould be usedin many
more opeholds than It is atpreent,
Ta .onty peides whete the butcher's
eat6 is sldon se, what geter ooe
vaniano 4a othese be them