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DEVOTED TO Pod , 'KORALITY, EDUCATION AND TO THE 1NERAL INTEREsT OF THE 00UNTRY.
By D. F. BRADLEY & 00. PIOKEN, So. C., T1UT1SDAY, 4DECEMBER 9, 1880. VOL. X.--NO, 12.
Powerful Ocean Steamships.
Twenty years ago the largest steamer
known,(in this, as in all such comparisons
neglecting the Great Eaatern, which ww
aSproiigy of engineering skill) did no1
reac* 850 feet 14 length, 45 feet ir
breadth, 3,500 tons in tonnage, or 4,00C
horse-power indicated. We have before
us at this moment a list of 50 merchani
steamers sailing, in the year 1860, from
Southampton and other southeirn ports
which the largest vessels then frequentedl
and the list includes but 10 ships of mor
than 300 feet in length, none of which
rsiched the limits of size and powor just
given, aid the whole of which belonged
to two eompanies, viz., the Royal Mail
and the Peninsular- and Oriental. At
the present moment we have afloat and
at work the White Star liners, some of
them of 445 feet in length, 45 feet in
breadth, and nearly 5,000 indicated
horse-power; the Inman liners, compris
ing such ships as the City of Berlin, 488
feet by 44J feet broad, and of about the
dame steam-power; the Orient, of 445
feet by 46J feet, -with engines developing
5,600 horse-power; the Arizona, of about
the same.size, with' still greater steam
power and speed; and many other
splendid vessels but little inferior to any
of the foregoing. And these gran'd
steamers-many of which reach the quays
of New York with greater punctuality
than railway trains reach the London
Auburbs from Victoria and Charing-cross,
and would reach our quays with equal
punctuality if they could avoid the
abominable sands that bar the Mersey
aro the fQrerunners of still larger and
more powerful vessels now taking shape
upon the banks of the Clyde and else
where. Tho Canard steel ship, the
Servia, now building by Messrs. Thomp
son, of Glasgow, is 500 feet by 50 feet,
with over 10,000 indicated horse-power,
and will, therefore, doubtless possess a
speed considerably in advanco of that of
the very fastest ship at present afloat in
the mercantile marine. The Inman
steamship City of Rome, building of iron
at Barrow, will be still larger, having a
length of 546 feet, a breadth of 52 feet, a
gross registered tonnage of 8,000, and a
steam power nearly equal to that of the
Servia. The Guion line is to be increased
by ships of almost equal size and power,
and the Allan line is building others
equal. to the finest of the White Star
boats. Notwithstanding the number and
magnitude of the passenger steamers
now running between America and this
country the traffic is so great that it has
only been Possible to secure acconinoda
tion by arranging passage many weeks,
and even months, in advance, while the
rapidly increasing population and wealth
of the United States and of Canada make
it certain that the interchange of agricul
tural produces and manufactured goods
between them and ourselves will go on
While I was at Ferrieres, in Italy, I
heard a comical story from the wife of an
American gentlenihu'wIho resides in the
neighborhood. It seems tobacco is a
-Government monopoly; the raising of
more than a _dozen plants by any one
p~erson is strictly prohibited. The gar
dener engaged by my friend had rather
a liin for the plant, and embellished
several of his ornamental flower-beds
with it. So one day the lady was waited
upon b~y the Comnmissaire, who informed
her that, as she had transgressed the
rules resp~ecting the cultivation of to
,bacco by non-authorized individuals, she
would haive to pay a fine of somne $30.
But, fortunately, the Republican D~ep
uty from the district was on terms of
great intimacy with the family, and lie
offered his services to get them out of the
scra~pe. Hie went, therefore, to call on
the local Magistrate, and rep~resenlted to
him that the offen~dinig plants were of
American origin, and, conmsequently,
were of a kind that were totally valueless
for any other purpose than th'at of orna
mentation. The dignitary professed him
self as being quite satisfied with the ox
planation, and, in view of the nonm
existence in commlerce of any such an
article as American tobacco, my friend
got off scot free. -Lucq/ Iooper).
The Quickest Tralins in the World.
The pace of the quickest trains in LEn
gland, says an En glish paper, is greater
by ten miles an hour than that of the
qu~ickest trains of any other country. Ini
Great Britain the average velocity of the
express is fity miles. an hour. In Bel
gium it never exceeds forty-one miles an
hour ; between Paris and Fordeau~x it is
thirty-nine and a half miles an hour. Ju
Russia and in some parts of Switzerhna
the rate is twenty-seven miles an hour.
Per contna, in England railway travel
ing is attended with more risk than mn
any other country in the world. y et
oven thus the perils of the steam loco
motive are much exaggerated, for a
French statistician, after a very labori
ous examination of the deaths o'ecurring
from railway accidents over the surface
of the whole earth, states the result of
his examination thus : " If a person were
to live continually in a railway carriage,
and spend1 all his time in railwvay travel
in g,the chances in favor of h'is dying
from railroad accident would not occur
until ho was 960 years old."
IN Paris, children's parties are preten
tious affairs. The decorations and toilots
are made as prominent features andl as
.' elaborate as among o~dcr society followers.
At one of the children's balls was a child
of eleven decked in thousands of dollars
worth of diamonds, and a toilet of lace
worth six hundred dollars, with a gossa
mer fan mounted in turquoise and pearls.
Where all should be joy, life and lgt
in this youthful crowd, there are the
same rivalries, heart..burnings andl en
vious felings that embitter and spoil the
vleasure of older haart.
RMER LAST LETTER.
MY LADY LIZND&.1
o'Ti but a line, a hurrl:4 scrawl,
And little seem t4e *ords to say
Yot hold ra iu reproatnful tbhI
"You quarrelod with me yestorday;
To-morrow you'll be sad."
A ye, " you'll be ad," the words are few,
And yet they pierea my sou. with pain;
Aye, " you' Jibe nad," tho words are true;
They haunt mo with prophetle strain:
" To-morrow you'l be sad."
We quarreled, and for whtt? a word,
A foolish speech that ja crod the esr,
And thus In wrath our puilsesa stirr'd
Then cane her letter : " Dear, ruy dear,
To-;norrow you'll be sad."
Few words! half mirth, and half regrot,
The limet her hand should ever write
Sad words I learned lung ago, and yet
Fresh with inw pnin to ear and s'ght:
" To-morrow Yon'll be sad 1_
In the Palace of Truth.
Richard Turner, Esq., a lawyer, let no
hope of futuro fame, returning home one
aight in an unenviably bad humor, found
x certain dainty little note awaiting him
Dn his mantlepiece. It had just come,
his landlady said, and slowly tearing
9oen the envelope. Dick read as follows:
MY DEAR MR. TuRn:-Many thanks for
four lovely flowers which have been groatly
Wmired. It was Ile your thoughtfulness to
'emember my birth-day when I had almost for
;ottei it myself. I was so sorry to have missed
rour call this afternoon.
Sincerelv vour. FLORENCE REDIFER.
A very grnci6u little note, but for
some reason it appeared to afford its
reader but small satisfaction. Dick read
It twice with a curling lip, then tossing it
into the scrap basket, he lit a cigar,
stretched himself in an easy chair and
thoughtfully observed through the smoke
wreaths that began to float around his
head: "What a precious little liar she
is! As if I didn't see her ten minutes
after she was 'not at home' to me this
afternoon, start out driving with Tom
Baker in that confoundedly jerky do
iart of his. Shouldn't wonder if lie had
ierked her off before they got home;
,nd served her right too! Why, Snip,
what is the matter with you sir?"
Snip was the skyo terrier, who, failing
to understand why he had been slighted,
was seeking to secure his master's notice
by sitting upright and waving his front
paws to and fro in a gentle and depre
"Did I hurt your feelings, poor little
boy?" said Dick, tenderly. "Well, I
wouldn't, I assure you, for a dozen little
flirts like Florence Redifer, but 'I do
think, Snip, and I expect you to agree
with me, that we woulduall be much bet
ter off if women and men, too, would say
out truthfully what was in their minds
instead of this eternal beating around the
bush. Why can't people bra little more
candid with their fellow-creaires instead
of fooling them to the top of their bent
and then laughing behind their backs?
Do you know, Snip?"
Snip didn't know, but lie was the last
dog in the world to confess his ignor
aiice, so assuming a look of wisdom
wvhich Solomon mig~ht have envied, he
gave a mysterious little bark that could
mean anything and composed himself to
"Just 8 o'clock," said Dick, consulting
his watch. "in two hours I've got to
dress and go to Mrs. Grey's ball, the
biggest bore of the season I haven't a
doubt; but there's no escaping it. Aren't
you glad, Snip, you don't have to go to
Snip barked again, this time in an
aflirmative manner, lie always accom
modated himself to his master's moods,
and was wvell accustomed to being ques
tioned. Alert andl vigilant, he watched
the cigar dwindle down by slow degrees,
whilo hie wailed in well-bred silence for a
renewal of the conversation. But Dick
w:as drowsy and cross, and when the
cigar was smoked out he turned his head
aside and fell fast asleep, while his little
dog curled contentedly around his feet,
looking up into his master's face with a
world of patient love in his honest brown
Seven, eight, nine, ten! Was~ it possi
ble that he had slept nearly two hours
and the clock was really striking ten?
Dick jumped up, glanced at his watch
to make sure, and with a stifled groan
prep~ared to induct himself into his dress
suit. This was never a very rapid pro
cess with hime, and by the time 110 en
tered Mrs. Grey's brilliantly lit-up house
the great clock in the hall was p~ointinlg
to a quarter past 11.
The rooms were crowded and stiflingly
hot. The very flowers ap~peared to droop
uinder the glare and the heat, all except
some deep red roses which had been ar
ranged in a sentence over the doorway,
and whose glowing hearts presented the
most snmp1}tutouis and intense bit of color
ing, even ini that many-hued apartment.
It was strangs. but Dick found himsell
unab~le to read that sentence, al houghi
compllosed of only three short words. The
language, even the letters, were unknowr1
to him, and for half a minute he stood1
puzzling over the mystery. Then the
incoming crowd gently shoved him aside,
and abandoning the effort, he made the
best of his way toward his hostess. A
pretty little w'oman, magnificentl~
dressed, but seemingly already muc
fatigued wvith the work in hand, she hail
smiled as Dick edged up to her.
" Have you just come, Mr. Turner ?'
she said. "Ii thought you were to be
one of my early birds."
" So I wvould have been " he explained,
" only, unfortunately, i fell asleep and
did not wake uip in time,"
"01h1! that was the case, was it i
Well, such a lengthy nap ought t<
lbrighten you up beautifully for the resi
of the evening. Sotnetimes, you know
you are rather stupid."
Dtick looked at her to see if she mean1
a joke, but her ptett fac ...s ......2
raised to his. "You are flhttering -me,"
h Dad. .sbortly.
" Iidon't mean to, indeed," she an.
swered, quite earnestly. " But there
are plenty of knen who are always stupid;
while you can be rather entertailning,
when you pr~e at your best," and she
tufned gently from him to greet a new
batch of guests.
".Was I ever damned with such faint
praise befor ?" thought Dick. "I won
der if I am 'at my best' to-night?"
For a minute he stood, taking a survey
of the scene before him. The musicians
were 'playing a waltz, and playing it
well; only strange to say there was a
flute among them, which came piping in
with its shrill persistent little treble m a
manner distracting to Dick's over-sonsi.
tive ear. He thought of Mozart's Baying
that the only thing in the world worse
than a flute in an orchestra was two
flutes, and wondered . at Mrs. Grey'd
choice in inisic. Nevertheless, as long
as he was there he might as well dance,
and looking around for familiar faces, his
first glance- fell upon a brown-eyeA
maiden whom lie had met at a party only
the week before, and whom he had af
mired with the guarded and half-super
cilious admiration of a veteran society
man. In another minute they were on
the floor contending with their fellow
creatures for a little room to whirl around
in, and seepingly successful in their
struggle, until a slight lurch sent them
rather suddenly against another pair o
"That was stupid, wasn't it?" said
Dick, as they stopped to take breath
after the concussion.
"Yes," replied she of the brown eyes.
raising them frankly to his face. "'Yoi
are rather a poor dancer. Perhaps you
are out of practice?"
"Indeed I ought not to be," protested
Diek, in unutterable indignation at the
charge. "I never danced more in my
life than T have this winter."
"Is that so? It must be awkwardness
then," said his companion, gently.
"Some people never can thoroughly
le an. I think it is a natural gift."
Dick wondered if he could have heard
aright or if that wretched little flute, still
piping away so complacently, had
absolutely bewildered him. If there was
one thing he prided himself on more
than another-one gift, natural or other
wise, which he felt sure of possessing-it
was his dancing. Was the brown-eyed
damsel out of her mind or was she
simply an ill-bred little thing, who did
not know a good dancer from a bad one?
Whichever was the case he lost no time
in getting rid of her, and still mute with
amazement and disgust, took refuge
among a group of men at the door.
"You here, Turner!" said one of them.
"I hardly recognized you at first, you
look so yellow and thin.'
"Do I, indeed?" said Dick, shortly,
and wondering what he was doomed to
"I should rather think you did," was
the friendly answer. "I just said to
Smith, here, as you came up, that be
tween your sallow skin and that bald
spot on your head, you were beginning
to look like an old man before your time.
Why don't you~ take to count7 life and
early hocurs and freshen up a bit?"
."Why don't you mind your own af..
fairs and kindly leave me to attend to
mine?" retorted Dick, now thoroughly
aroused, and without waiting for another
word ho veered around and -left the
group, who, uno and all, seemed pro
foundly astonisheda at his ill temper.
By this time ho began to feel a little
uncertain who to approach next. Hav
ing been told already that he was stupid,
Iugly and a bad dancer, what was there
left for him to hear. He certainily had
never met so many disagreeable peoplo
in his life and he had serious thoughts of
beating a p~ermananit retreat, when he
caught sight of a blonde head half hidden
beneath the azaleas in tho conservatory.
It was Florence Redifer, wvhiom he had
niever expected to meet to-night and
whom two hours ago he would have in
(lignantly avoided. But for some reason
his contempt for her flattery andl false
ness had been strangely modifiedl in so
short a time and he felt a p)ositive yearn
ing to listen again to her pretty nothings
anid to see her blue eyes uplifted with
that tender glance of adlmiring trustful
ness to his It must have cost her a
great deal of time and p~atience to culti
vate the glance uip to its present perfec
tion and it was unkind, after all, to sneer
at the result of such honiest and endear
The next minute lie was by her side.
She looked very pretty: hert fair hair
tumbled in some mysterious fashion on
the top of her shapely little head: :her
bright face lit up with smiles, and her
white silk gleaming undler the colored
lamps with a soft and shifting radiance
that pleased Dick's cultivated eye. Hio
was not one of those to whom a woman's
gown is a matter of indifference.
"I came in here for a little air," sh
saidl; "the rooms are so terribly hot, anl.
the whole affair is very stupid. Lon't
you think so ?"
."It has been worse ,than Mtnlpid for
me," he answvered, lan-ghing. "I have
been insulted wherever I went. First,
Mrs. Gray told me I was often very
stupid; then Miss Vincent, (do you knowv
her? She is dancinig now with Tom
"I don't know her; but never mid
WVhat did she say to you ?"
"She told me I was awkward and a
bad dancer, and intimated that I could
never thoroughly learn."
Florence Redifer burst into a laugh as
clear and merr as silver hells. "But
you know, Mr. trner " she said, "your
best friends do not claim for you that
you dance well."
Dick gasped And then recovered; he
was getting h~ardlened now. "I always
flattered myself I did," he said boldly.
She looked at him in some surprise.
"Of ourse, I don't mean io ay" she
oxplaiied, "that one cannot get around
with you at all, but only that you are not
very graceful and' 8sure-footed. There
are plonty of men here who danco worse
-,Mr' Simpson, for instime.
. " I should hope a," said Dick, as
Simpson, a little weak-eyed mni, who
held his fair partner as if ho feared she
was packed with dynamite and was in
danger every minute of exploding,
ioved laboriously past the door. " If
that is the best you can say for me, Miss
Florenceo, I shall never have the audacity
to ask you to dance again," and with a
heavy heart he left the colservatory, now
fully satisfied he had had enough of Mrs.
1.. HIetook a glass of champagno in the
supper-room, where its quality was being
froely discussed by the goim'g men who
Iingerel there, and wont back to pay his
parting respects to his hostess. There
were still pIlety of peoplo about, lit a
chill,seem(d to lavo fallen on themn, time
talncers were few, and everybody looked
bore(d or discontented. Mirs. Orey was
saying the last Vor(8 1 o n party of guests
wh) were about taking their departure.
"Such a pity it Ahoild have beevn a
failure," he heaid one of them whisoer
in a tono of sympathy. " And after all
the expenso you have gono to !"
"I im sire, tihen, it must have been
the fault of my guests," returniedIN( Mrs.
Grey, " for I did my part as well as I
could. Why, Mr. Tuirier are you going
So Sool? lY wvonder if ,you, too, found
my party a stupid one?'
he looked so harassed that Dick for
got thegruige le owed her, and would
gladly havo declared her ball both bril
ihnit and delightful, blit the words he
wished to say stuck in his throat-ho
absolutely could not give them utterance.
An awful impulse was upon him, and to
his own secret horror and dismay be
heard himself assuring her the painful
truth that it was the most dismal affhir
na had ever witnessed in his life. Then
ov 'rwlelmed with slame at his involui
tar., rudeness he turned away, and his
eyes f-il upon the crimson roses still
blooming fsily over the doorway.
What an idiot he must have been!
There im plain English letters were the
three wordk, "'aht(e of Truth." As lie
loored ' r(l. 0 he mnie flite pealed
forth so louily and with so shrill a
triumph in its tone that Dick fairly
jumped, and inl the Violence of his start
kicked the sleeping Snip, 'Who leaped
out of his master's way and gazed at him
with reproachful, w.mIderful eyes.
"'Elevent o'clock, as 11 ani a living
man!" said Dick, yawning. "Three
hours asleep and no ball for ne to-night.
Snip, you little villain, why didn't you
Snip wyas silent. He felt the arrant
injustice of this romark, and boro it with
the equanimity of ia Stoic.
"Well," Said his master, slowly, as lie
lit his candle, 'since you did not., and as
I have had all the dissipation and all the
caldor I need for one iight. I think, lit
tle dog, that You an1(d I will go peaceably
and gratefully to bed."
Who was Rhtebear'd
A gentleman who saw the gray, forbid
(ing castle of IbIeard rising abo)ve thle
s'attion of Chiamptoec, France, tells who
ihe frightful hero of the nursery was:
Some readler may ask, ''Who was this
real, historical Blueeard?"
I answer that ini Brittany lhe was time
Siour Gilles do Retz, a great fcadal lord,
whoi( po('sessed vaist estates andi great
power ini this nieighbhorhlood in the latter
part of thme fourte('nth anid hginnling of
thme litfteenith centuries, and was, besides,
a marshal of France.
This11 castle was his stronghold, and lie
ruled it amnd tihe Loire country around
with a hanid of iron and~ a sword of fire.
Gifted in youth1 with physicalI streungi i
and beauty, and an enormous fortum i
lhe implaired both by all sorts of im
Whem(n too late, with a defilled and
biloated body, lie fund imnself lashed
1by the scorplion whip that is always sure
to follow sin.
Instead of growing penitent, lie only
became mo re bloody and relentless.
Seduced lby a wicked andl culmmiia
ailchemiist to believe that b.y bath ing iii
huuman bldood lie could claim 1back i
vaniishedlli hailih, beauty, aiid sp ir its, ho'
emitrapped children and younig persons (of
both sexes, murdered them in the duni
geonis of the eastle withi his own hand
and1( bathed in their warm blood.
It was believed that more lhan a hun
dred were thuns murdered.
A fter years of impunity the matter be
came so niotorious anid spread so mnuch
fear t hrough thme country that the peoplde
rose in a mass against him, made him a
prisoner, anmd carried himi to Nanites.
Th'lere he wa~s tried by his suuzeraini
lord, thle Duke (of Britt'any, and con
demnied i. h burnt alive at' the stake, a
jiudgmient carriedl iinto eciution ini 1440iIt
oni what, is nmow thme Chmanssvee de la Made
leine, on the (Gloriettou I sirand, in front of
whiere thme great hmosp ital no0w stanmds.
(Changes in English Fietion.
Marvelous chaniuges both in time quality
of English novels and in the, personal of
their writers have beenm witn eswai simje,
Dickens and~ Thacker'ay ISs(erI awafv
Shiirley lBrooks, Gorge Jiatwrenmce amd
White Melville are nzo more. Aiithoniy
Trollopo amblles alomig at, the well-knmown
peco on thme same 01(1 nag. Charles
Reade hias laidl aside~ the( pen~. Wilkie
Coil inms grows increasing morei' spectrail
and shuddery, and( less like his old1
master. George iFliot keeps for time
most part silence, or', what1 she breaks it,
does so only to bore a puliic which
wouldl fain admire. Miss .Hranuddonm,
Mr's. Ediwards and Mrs. O)liphannt are
still weaving the familiar plots (ont of the
n(eensto~med mateiialI. Miss lBroughitoin
h as alunost (exb sasted the resourc'es of
her p~rurienit imnginatufion. Ouida alone
possesses that in full vhzor.
Au.tin, Texas is to have a capital, cost
The German carp put in Georgia wa
ters are doing finely.
Searlet fever is making it red-hot for
the people of Natehez.
There are five candidates for the post
mastershilp of Nashville under Garfield's
The sugar crop of Southern Texas has
been d( lamaged fully one-half by the re
LI et cot ton has been dalmalhlge(d fearfully
at Clebirie, Longview, McKinney and
other points in Texas.
The Nashville American now figures
up a Democratic majority of six Oi joint
Nllot in the Tennessee Legislature.
It is said that seventy-eight of the 100
members of Tennessee Legislature are in
favor of paying the State debt.
Thier is a movement on foot by promi
iieit mlebilersof the Tennessee Legisla
ture to cut down the number of elections.
J:n1nies Christopher, of Forest City,
A rk., recently Nvent to the house of a
c(oored womafi'm-and, in attempting to
force his way in, was killed by her. She
was icha(1i: rgcd oil the ground of self
There are deficits in the budgets of
several delartminents of the City Iaill of
New Orleans. The appropriation for pay
of the police is $40,000 short, and the
liii provenimen ts Deptirtment is short $32,
.1 ohnm 1. Hill, a Little Rock printer,
was re-nm:rriedl Wednesday last to the
wife from whom he wvas divorced(. After
several months' separation they began
correSpond:ng, which ended in second
Under thei new code of Mississippi,
any citizen Ias the right to arrest or carry
before a A1.agistrate or i ny proper ollicer
the trampi) lie Iay find begging albout
his premiises. It is made the duty of
Magistrates to commit such tramps to
jail, and from the jail lie is to be hired
omit as other convicts are.
Williuni Mattox, an inoflensive old
ninan, was britilly niurdered at his house
near A bheville, S. C., Tlhiurs(ay night
list. Two men asked for lodging, and
being denied, entered the house and (I
inumided1 his m i meIy, kihlled himii and( took
8700. No (1lie to thme murdecrers has hien
dliMcoveredI up to this t imie. The wife of
thme dleceased was in an ad~joiing room.
Nash ville A me~rican :Five school
hiouses:-fouir in Wilson and oneC ini 1a
vidson county, roll necar the Lebanon
turnptike--were dlestroyed by fire, on
Wedniesdayv nighut last, by ineendiaries.
1.nider what is known as the four mile
law, saloons or drinking-houses can not
he ro11 wVithin anu incorporated institutLion
oif learninig. and,1 ini order to prevent 1he
sale of liquor in their neighborhoods,
p ersonils rehiin g at dli l'erenmt po1in ts along
lie tornikeii1 secured ebharters and1 built
all thle schiool-hiouses dest royed last
A special fro m I1:arpier's Ferry says a
roimanitic miarriagre hais taken place oni
lie mail r(omI1l bridge there. A gen tlemnan
fro m Newnma rket, Vt., wa;s taking hiis
daulightfr.west ward to prevent her minar
rinige withl au young farmer. While the
fa thier wats ini depo t writing to his wife,
nformiin g her of hiis safe jouriiey to that
poiint, thle young ladyv's lover, who hand
secured a nmirriage l icense and~ a minis
teri, put. ini ani appearanmce, and3( thne twain,
huiirry ing over thle 1bridhge, past the State
linei, wvere inarriedI. TIhey t hen returned
to thlie statiotn i and1( iniforiied her father,
who left at once for homie, dIisgustedl, thne
young couple following luim the nuext
Suiindhay eveingi u a fter hiis services in
t he ( ranige I I ill F'ree-will hlaaptist chiiurch,
Richm iond, Va. , ti 'he pastor, Rev. S. 11.
( inn, caime (out with his wife. As they
reachied the st reet Marioni Sutton, a
y'ounig mni staIling Oin tine olitsi(Ie, he
gan to uisc abutsivye laingumage to the
preacherc . M~ r. G inn i asked him i what lie
huod done to hiimi that he should abuse
huiim in this 'way. Sutton conitinuied,
hiowev'er, andu the pire'achir shook his fin
ger mi a1 warmng way mi the( youing mnan.
face, telling.' lhim to stop, whnereuponm Sut
tmn knI30c(ked him i downi. TIhie preacher,
who~ is a sn ille1r iniuni, got uip and return
edh the0 llow. Suitton~ knockedl him
ion again. Thle prenieler me to time
agatin aind puit ini anot11her hick. At this
potit thlie miiuster's wife came to his res
ene', and, takiung up a brick, threw it at
Su ttoni, lhe a Iletes. TIhe parties were
finially separauted, and inext imorning were
0, HUMOROUS BREVITIES.
A MAN who opens Oysters tdoos hings
TEirmnE's lots of cold comfort in a hun
dred pouds of ice.
ONE-HALF Of the world doesn't know
how the other half lies.
A NEVADA ball report says: "Honora
X was full of celat-in fact, the eclatest
" You can't play that on me !" said the
piano to the amateur who broke down on
a difficult piece of music.
"ONE touelh of you, ma, makes tho
whole world spin," as the boy said when
his mother boxed his ears.
"DARLING husband," she said, "am I
not your treasuro ?" "Certainly," he re
plied, "and I should like to lay you up
THlE editor of the Cincinnati Comcr
cial, who haiH farming ideas, thought
that to have buttermilk ho must buy a
goat.-NCw York IHerald.
ONE of the first requisitions received
from a newly-appointed railway station
agent was: "Send ine a gallon of red
oil for the danger lanterns."
WirEN you soo two dogs growling and
getting ready to fight, remember at it
is only a joint debate, and the liveliest
dog will get away with tho joint."
"Do you get any holidays in your of
fice ?" asked a returned divine of a cher
ry-looking worker in secular walks. ''Oh,
yes, we get a day to get buried on."
C1PHER1IN '':" School boy (kept in)
" Let's sO-one t'm's ought's ought.
Twice ought's ought. Three t'm's ought
--lI, must be something-stick it down
A YorNa lad1y at an examination in
grammar was asked why "the man bach
elor was singular ?" She replied imme
diiately, ".Because it is very singular they
don't get married."
You wouldn't take a man's last cent
for a eigar, would you?" " Certainly I
wo uld," remarked the proprietor. "Well,
here it is, then," passing over a cent,
''give mo the eigar.'
A WESTERN writer thinks that if the
proper way tqs u ho is "though," ate
is ".baux," the
" T n in Last Year's
Nests " is the ef i Song. Probably
not. If it were v sure that there
are no rats in ea rat holes the
public mind woul be more at rest.
Tus Vermont housewife who read that
English nobles have lots of hares in their
preserves, says she tried it to the extent
of putting a whole chignon into some
blhakborry jam, and the jam didn't seem
a bit better for it.
" SHALL we sell or abandon our girls?"
Cditorially asks the editor of the fawk
f./c. Dfo neither. Give 'em away. When
a girl is given away, if she is not "sold,"
the young man is-i a majority of cases.
Two ladies in the horse car were talk
ing about an actress whom they had just
seen). ''She is too stout," said one. ''Oh,
nlo," replied the other, who slightly
tenIded towardls rm bon point. ''She is
more thian stout ; she's fat. "
TusII truly atfeoetioniato andl sensible
wife approauchles her hlusb~and wvith a be
nignant exp~ressioni of countenance, and
gently laying her hand up on his shoulder,
observes, "'Charley, dear, please don't
spenCld any more mon)iey for cardafnlmm
seeds. Ill try andl stand it if you won't
kiss me on the lips.''
A iAi)Y correspondent of the Cincin
nati Em, uirerm says: "I1 know a fashion
able hoelle who~ has her armus lathered and
shuaved from endo to end by a b~arber once
a month."' Aia! 'is explains why
female arms becomo bald-headed at such
an early age.--Phjiladelphtia Chronicle.
Goats as Churners.
Tho0 most striking feature of the dairy
ranch of F. S. (Cuigh, in San Mateo
ennon, is the newv daiiry house which Mr.
Clough r'cenitly compn)leted at a cost of
$1,500. It ia I 8x36 in groundl dimen
si')ns, linuishedl externally ini rustio style,
and inside is as trim and cleanly as the
thrifty housewife's "' best room." The
buitter-roomu, ani apartment 10x15 feet in
d]iesionsH, is as inviting as a parlor.
The apparatus for handling the milk and
making the b)utter is comp leto in every
detail, andl is designeod th roughout for
the saving o'f labor. Th1~e churn holds
fifty-two gallons of cream, and( turns out
fromn 100 to 120 poun11ds of bultter at each
churning. It is workedl by goat power,
the appiliiences being a treadling-wheel
cightoenr feet ini (iameter, which connects
with and1( operates a shaft running into
the dhairy hiouse, andl this in turn con
nectinig withi 'og-wheels workiig the
dlashiers. Mr. Clough says that the goats
in operating the wheel indulge their
naturadlpropensities for climbing, and
they aplIy themselves to the work with
great gusto. The herd consists of some
eight or ten the
gran dmio . ' goth
over a ?ee~from
the o with tlaere
after is which they
are apt ?e6 iseof their
A Vortuim contaidI lescriptions of
all the presents ever given to a Queen is
certainly an oddity, but it is said that
Queen Victoria proposes to isSulo such a
book. It is to be illustrated b~y photo
graphs, and to include not merely costly
gifts but simlo tokens of affection which
haIve been givenI by her poor subjects at