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DETD TO POLITIE MORALITY UCATION AND T ENEAL INTT OF TH
-D Fe BRADLEY &00.- . PICKENS. S. C., THURSDAY,_DECEMBER 8
TUriUM OF THE DAY.
FRANon is to resume eating American
GuiTEAU's trial has boon properly
termed a " circus."
KArir-oon has tried lecturing in Oregon
and made a total failure of it.
Tin London brewer, Sir Dudley
Ooutts Majoribanks, has been created a
"THE Lord protects Guiteau," but
still Guiteau feels safer when accom
panied by mounted police.
THM endowment fund of the Astor
Library, given by the members of the
Astor family, amounts to $1,125,130.
LEAvinLE now has a population of
20,000 people, and last year that district
yielded ore to the value of $15,000,000.
HOWARD OARnOLL, staff correspondent
of the New York Timnes, has been named
as the probable Private Secretary of the
A Missouni doctor has been convicted
of vaccinating people with Now Or
leans molasses. He was sweet ot 'em,
GEonGE LAW, the millioliaire who died
in New York a few days ago, was a
typical American, having bogun life as a
TEm wife and daughter of Henry A.
Smith, one of the princely thieves of the
Tweed gang, now keep an apple stand
for a living.
ALL the bullets miss Guiteau, some
how or other. Is there not one crack
marksman in America, or must we im
port the English rifle team ?
GurrEAU expects to draw on the ros
trum when his trial is over. He will,
particularly if there is a trap door under
him and the knot is properly tied.
THE New York Alderman gets a sal.
ary of $2,000 a year, and has a hard timo
getting along, whereas the Chicago Al.
derman gets no salary and leads the fash
TEm saddest wails from Ireland are
the Nasby's letters. Nasby's sympath
ies have been deeply stirred since he
left the " X Roads, wichls in the Stato
Tim idea of the National Temperance
Society now is to havo the United States
Constitution so amended as to prohibit
a the manufacture, importation and sale of
Tim mnan who steals enough to employ
expensive lawyers is a defaul ter, but he
rhose stealings will not admit of this
uxury, is a thief, and a very common
one, at thats. That's the difference.
THnJU million dollars is the amount
A. Theodore Hauel, the defaulting tax clerk
of Philadelphia, says has been stolen
from that city by an organized gang of
thieving clerks. Theodore confesses to
$50,000 of it.
W~'rvyjn the mierchante of Atlanta
have expended in aid of the Inter
national Cotton Exposition will be as
bread cast upon the waters. 'It will re
turn to them in future with a hundred
GUrrEAU persistently insists that
Arthur owes his present high position to
his act, and demands recognition in re
turn. " Only for me," says Guitean:
boastingly, " Arthur would be a polit i
SHURLBur, Minister to Peru, and Kil
patrick, Minister to Chili, are to be re
oalled. It seems they have disgraced
themselves somewhat by a personal
quarrel respocting the claims of thiose
GrorrzAn says he never struck any
body in his life. 'Twas well. But he
should be afforded an opportunity now.
SHow terrible would he feel were he
penned up in a ring with a prize fightev.
He is an awful coward.
A NoTOaROUS Chicago burglar under
arrest says that burglars never receive
more than five per cent. of the capital
invested and chp~nces taken. Poor fel
lows ; they have a hard time of it, and
are apt to get killed at any moment, too.
,A. Pmn- Gsrz, of Lancaster, Ohio, who
had two bullete shot into his brain by
Herman Peter, lived twenty-four honrs
after the~ tragedy occurred. Both bul.
1ets entered the brain to some distance
anid were only an inch apart.
"Mvrou laughter,'' and "con tinued
applause " are characteristic features of
Guitean's trial in the Criminal Court at
'Washington. This sounds very much
as though the bitter feeling toward the
assassin was being ameliorated.
PRESIDENT GARFIELD'S meootory is to
be honored in London by the founding
Nf a Home for Workiw Qirls, to be
called " Garfield's Home." A lady has
given $1,250 to a committee for the pur
LN NEw YoRK.all first-class butchor
shops have branch shops in localities of
the poor where meats that cannot bo sold
to well-to-do families, or that, from long
keeping, are not salable, are sold at an
TEN years ago the invention of the
Keeley motor was heralded over the land
as one of the wonders of the age, and it
is n'ow one of the wonders of the public
why its success is so long materializing.
Meantime, Mr. Keeley is as confident as
HEssY HELFMANN, the Nihilist con
spirator in the Czar's murder, who is in
confinement at St. Petersburg, has been
delivered of a daughter. Hessy has
made a confession implicating sixty-two
persons in the murder of the Czar, and
will probably receive a free pardon.
PRESIDENT ARTHUR has "made up his
mind " that all officials now in ofliec
shall serve their time unless they fail to
perfori their duties properly. That is
as kindly a recognition of General Gar
field's administration as any. one conld
VnsNon predicted, long in adv mnce,
that the nuthlle of November would be
unnii1ually warm and that towards tihe
Lat ter part of the month there would be
a severo cold spell. He guessed pretty
well that time, but the worAt of us will
hit it occasionally.
THEi': Maine farners have found a rei
edy for " off," or non-bearing years of
albplo trOs. It's caterpillars. Sinct,
li hy devasted the orchards a few years
since the trees have borno annually
without discrimination. The crop this
year is splendid in both quantity and
TriE " Regulators" and "Moderators"
of Elliott County, Kentucky, fLive
formed a treaty by which the " Regu
lators" agree to disband their organiza
tion. The "Moderators" were headed
by the Sheriff of the County. The
treaty "fills along-felt want."
THE St. Louis rlobe-Democrat sug
gests that the bank of England furnish
the world. with a list of its denosits. Tf
claims that many would escape being
swindled by the prevalent practice of al
leging that large sums are awaiting
claimants and obtaining money from
them to seure the alleged inheritances.
DELEoATE CANNON does not hold U
certiflcate of election from the Secretary
..f the State of Utah. What ho does
hold is a certified copy of the election
returns. His prospect of rep~resenting
Utah is growing beautifully less, and
the Mormons may just as well commence
getting mad now.
EM[oRANT labor is no longer in demand
in New York, but emigranta keep com
ing just the same. It would be a good
idea for the South to put in her best
licks to secmre this migrating popula
tion during the winter months. This is
the time of year. She can show off her
climate to adlvanitage.
THEBE seems to be plenty of testi
mony going to show that Guiteau, all his
life, has atcted1 the part of a erank, al
though he has never been considered
looking in intellect. But if being a
erank is to he a murderer, than .the
sooner the crank is turned heaven
ward, the better.*
THE Cincinnati Coemmenrcial p)ointedly
remarks :"Guiiteau finids self-control
impossible in the presence of the jury.
But he was the very embodiment of
coolness, calculation, and silence when
he wans carrying around the pistol to kill
the President. Hie even took the deep
precaution to wrap the pistol up to pro
tect it from the moisture of the body.
Few assassius have been sane enough to
keep their powder as dry as that."
A OOor3ufonAnY says that were we to
see the girls of Ashantee we would not
blame the Kinkg for killing two hundred
of them to get their blood to mix mortar
with. Thus there seems to be a differ
ence of opinion even respecting the
justice of murdering young girls. .But
if we knew where "his shanty " was~
and a crucifying expedition haprpued to
be going that way, we should be tempted
to join it.
DEsrrrz the terrible force of the shoek
of the electric eel-a ower equal to fif
teen Leyden jars-it lpreyed upon by
a little parasite fish, some two or three
inches in length, which appears utterly
oblivious of the shock.
OF Two women, choose the one that
will have you.
LOST AT SEA.
MV DOUR BAnTwIOK THOUra.
I stood where the starlit heavens
Spread away over sea and glen,
Like the hands of loving angels
Reaching down to the hearts of men.
And the sea, with a smile, reflected
The infinite lights above;
The quivering, resplendent heaven
All smiling with peaceful love.
And the waves o'er the white sand crueping
Brought ripples of joyous glee,
As the lines of the purple heaven
Bent over to kiss the sea.
"Oh treacherous Pea I" I murmured,
"nestore to my arms, I pray,
The treasure I gave to your keeping *
One golden autumn day."
A ship with its preciouis burden
Sailed out from my longing gaze,
Away Irom tb peaceful harbor
In the bright October haze.
And a sweet face, looking backward,
With a tear and a smile for me
The dearest of all my treasures
I gave to the treacherous sea.
Lake Michigan, darkly hidden
In thy tsecret bosom lien
The face that I fotidly cherIshed,
The beautiful :ovo-lit eyes.
For the ship that left the harbor
In the calm October haze
Bore its precious froight f-rever
Away from my longing gaze.
THE PHENOMENA OF DEATH,
It is our purpose to discuss, as briefly
as possible, some of the most important
aspects of dissolution. Addison said
that there was nothing in history more
imposing than, nothing so pleasing and
affecting as, the accounts of the behavior
of eminent persons in their dying hours;
and Montaigne remarks, whi e speculat
ing on death, that, of all the passages
in the annals of mankind, those which
attracted iand delighted him most were
the words and gestures of dying men.
" If I were a maker of books," ho con
tinues, "I would compilo a register with
comments of various deaths, for he who
should teach men to die would teach
them to live." There are three elements
presented in this fear of death: First,
the extinction of life's pleasures, inter
ests and hopes, to which the mind looks
forward with a degree of apprehension
proportionate to the amount of happi
ness they are capable of affording.
With the young and vigorous the loss of
these animal enjoyments is conteoplat
ed with extreme misery ; hence tho cus
tom among the early Greeks of bearing
the lifeless body of youth to the
funeral pyre at the break of morn
"lest the sun should behold So sad a
sight as the young dead." Second, the
dread of the unknown future, also de
pending upon the nervous temperament.
And lastly comes a fear more powerful
than either, which is the dread of pain,
inherent in nature. From time imme.
morial the actual moment of dissolution
has been supposed to be accompanied
by a throe of anguish, known as the
" death agony." This is believed to
occur at that moment when the spiritual
and physical forces that have been so in
timately blended for many years are torn
asunder-the one to molder and decay,
the other to take upon itself that new
life beyond the ken of man.
This last element properly belongs to
the physiologist, and as such we propose
to consider it. Sir Francis Bacon, in
one of his essays, published for the first
time in the year 1577, gave to the world
the following profound thought: " It is
as natural to die as to be born ; and to
the little infant, perhaps, the one is as
painful as the other." In profundity of
thought and depth of research Bacon
stepped in advance of his contempora
ries, and lived in the future. Thus we
find that, contrary to the generally re
ceived opinion of even this latter day
namure evidently designed that the end
of man should be as painless as his be
At birth the babe undergoes an or
deal that, were he conscious, would be
more trying than a most painful death.
Yet he feels it not. Born in an uncon
scious state, the brain incapable of re
ceiving conscious impressions, his en
trance into this hitherto unknown world
is accomplished during a state of ob
livion, known as nature's ansasthesia :
Painless we come, whence we know not
Painless wo go, whither we know not!
From the earliest period of human
history death has been considered as
necessarily accompanied by pain : so
generat is this belief that he terms
"death agony," " last struggle," " pangs
of des eh," etc., have been in almost
universal use in every age and under all
cor'ditions of society.
Nothing could be more erroneous ;
the truth is, pain and death seldom go
together--we mean the last moments of
life. Of course, death may be preceded
by weeks and even months or extreme
suffering, as occurs during certain in
So exaggerated has been this notion
that it has been considered an act of
humanity to anticipate the "death
struggle"' by violence ; for ages it 'waL
customary among the lower classes ol
Europe to hasten' death by suddenly
jerking the pillow from beneath the head
of the dying, thus throwing the head
bankwar i, straining the pharyngeal and
thoracic muscles, rendering the respira
tion, already difficult, shortly impossi
ble. A Venetian Ambassador, in the
time of Queen Mary, asserted that it
was a common custom among the coun
try people to srhother the dying by
means of a pillow placed over the face,
upon which leaned or sat the nearesi
relative. This was foun'led upon the
pious belief that the short road was the
best one. This custom was handed
down from generation to generation,
parents performting it for their childreti
and vice versa. But perhaps the sad
dest privilege ever allowed the friends ol
a dying man occurred occasionally dur.
ing the reign of Queen Elizabeth. wher
through executive clemency--executions del
by hangig-they were permitted to oC
grasp the feet of the suspended criminal son
and, by clenching to the extremities, tio:
precipitate their additional weight on glo
the body, thereby hastening strangula- obj
tion. It is needless to say that these wit
theories are false in both conception t
and practice. Death is a physiological the
process, and, like all other animal fune- Ion
tions, should be painlesa. J
When the flat of death went forth, na- wh
ture kindly provided an ansethetic for fan
the body. As the end of life draws near, gat
the respiration becomes slow and shal- per
low, interrupted now and then by a my
deep, sighing inspiration, as though the '
lungs were vainly endeavoring to throw the
o bthe palsy slowly creeping over them, the
tin the intervals between the inspira- the
tions grow longer the blood becomes . t
saturated with carbonic-acid -the Lri
same which is formed from burnig I
charcoal, whose deadly fumes have so
often aided the suicide painlessly to de
While the power of breathing is grad- has
ually failing, the heart, which is in close and
sympathy .with the lungs, begins to fab
contract with less force, propelling the nst
blood only a short distance through its tiol
arterial channels, thus causing the ex- ima
tremities to grow cold, the
. The blood sent to the brain is not only visi
diminished in quantity, but it is laden mi
with carbonic-acid gas, which, actin on U
the nerve centers produces a gradual ind
benumbing of fte cerebral gaonglia, pat
thereby destroying both consmousnoss 0li1
and sensation. The patient gradually the
sinks into a deep stupor, the lips become "M
purple, the face cold and livid, cold per- wh
spiration (death damp) collects on the ass
forehead, a film creeps over the cornea, are
and, with or without convulsions, the str<
dying man sinks into his last sleep. As -f t
the power of receivMg conscious impres- Ti
sions is gone, the death struggle must
be automatic. Even in those cases fcn
where the senses are retained to the last,
the mind is usually calm and collected,
and the body free from pain.
" If I had strength to hold a pen, I
would write how easy and delightful it as
is to die 1" were the last words of the fro
celebrated surgeon, William Hunter; ro
and Louis XIV. is recorded as saying rin
with his last breath : "I thought dying r
had been more difficult." " *
That the ptinlessness of death is due
to some benumbing influence actin on old
the sensory nerves may be inferred from r
the fact that untoward external sur- rel
rounangs rarely trouble the ymng. wa
On the day that Lord Collingwood C14
breathed his last the Mediterranean was cal
tumultuous; those elements which had tar
been the scene of his paat glories rose zol
and fell in swelling undulations, and
seemed as if rocking him asleep. Capt. sh
Thomas ventured to ask if he was dis- th<
turned ny tne tossing or the ship. "No, P'
Thomas " he answered, "I am in a state F
that noting can disturb me more-I am
dying; and I am sure it must be con- Im
solatory to you and all who love me to le
see how comfortably I am coming to my ho
end." In the Quarterly Review tljere
is related an instance of a criminal who
escaped death from hanging by them
breaking of the rope. Henr IV, of m o
France, sent his physician to examine w
him, who reported that after a moment's lu"
suffering the man saw an appearance t(
like fire, across which appeared a beau- o
tiful avenue of trees, Wen a pardon o
was mentioned the prisoner coolly re
plied that it was not worth asking for.
Thoise who have been near death from em
drowning,.and afterward restored to con- and
sciousness, assert that the dying suffer to'
but little pain. (Jap&, Marryatt states ledt
that is sensations at one time, when
nearly drowned, were rather pleasant a
than otherwise. " The fi ut struggle and
for life once over, the wter closing exc
around me assumed the appearance of cro
waving gr'een fields. * * * It is not Imj
a feeling of pain, but seems like sinking co
down, overpowered by sleep, in t~he of ]
lon g, soft ,grass of the cool meadow.". utis
N ow, this is precisely the condition y
presented in death from disease. In- Ma
sensibility soon comes on, the mind loses
consciousness of external objects, and
de(ath rap~idly and placidly ensues from
In spite of the natural antagonism to
death, a moment's reflection will show o
that it is as rimch a physiological pro- a
cess as life ; the two terms are correla- car
tive, the dlegree of vital activity depend- car
ihg on the extent of molecular death oc- ant
curring at the same time. Strange as an
the patradbox may seem, without death (
we cannot live; every thought emanat
ing from the brain, every blow struck cul
by the arm, is accompanied by destruc
tion of nervous or mzusedular tissue. Th bl
bioplasmnatic or living matter which en- c
ters into the formation oi . every' animal ma
tissue is constantly germinating into
cells (tl.e origin of all life), and as con- pj
stantly paising into decay, their places the
being taken ny other protopiasts, thus
keeping up the " active dance of life." g
'This disassimilation, or interstitial
death, occurs to such an extent that na- th
ture, in her wisdom, has provided excre
men tory organs for the purpose of re -a
moving from the system the effete
mateorial thus produced. Every living A
struicture, Wfer passing through ciertain up
stages of developmnent, miatuty and, big
finally, retr7gression, must come to an than
end. This may be but the ephemeral eig
Iexistence of some of the lower forms of ThI
fungi which, born in the cool of the sen
miorninig, die na the sun goes down ; or, ed
like the famous dragon-tree of Teneriffe, cor>
may outlast the pyramids that keep utta
watch by the Nile.
The last topic for consideration is the
pseudopia of death, or visions of the thr<
dying. This subject, coming under the of I
realm of mental science, properly be- tael
longs to metaphysics rather than phys- hea
iology. Various theories have been wom
advanced to explain these phenomena. sto<
bmt they must remain as hypotheses at the
I bet to heare- not susceptible of of
nonstration. it is not an uncommon
urrence for the dying, after livin
ae hours in a semi-conscious condi.
2, to start up suddenly, and, witl
wing face, point eagerly to somE
eat invisible to the bystanders, and,
h animated voice and gesture, state
t they behold the glories of heaven oi
familiar countenance of some frienc
.e question naturally arises as tc
Ather these conditions are merely the
tasies of a disordered and fast-disor
izing brain, or are the dying actually
mitted a momentary view of those
steries hitherto unknown.
'he traditions and superstitions of
past have led to a popular belief in
ratter theory. Shakspeare expressed
sentiment of his day when he placed
he mouth of the dying Queen Kath
ke these words :
law you not even now a blessed troop
[nvite me to a banquet; those bright faces
last thousand beams upon me lke the sun ?
cience, with its iconoclastic hand,
swept away these pleasing fancies
in their places has constructed a
ric founded on analogy. In the an
hesia induced by chloroform a condi
t is produced closely resembling that
aediately preceding death (caused by
carbonic-acid poisoning) in 'which
ons are constantly presented to the
id, the character of which depends
in the natural temperament of the
ividual. Thus it often occurs that a
ient, when under the influence of
roforia, has beatific visions similar to
s( of the dying. It is my iortune to
,e at present a patient who invariably
3n under the influence of chloroform
arts that she sees angels hovering
und her bed. The impression is so
mg that she becomes much annoyed
be reality of these visions is disputed.
3 asphyxia produced by burning char
his ofttimes accompanied by disturbed
cies similar to those preceding death.
Is Gernhany an Empire?
n the first place, the Gerian ternm
eich " does not designate an empird
a form of government distinguished
mi a kingdom, for instance, or a
ublic. Strictly taken, it inems
aalm," or even "commonwealth, '
ilo the technical term for empire is
Liserreich." Thus the Roman Em
a might be called a Reich, as was fi
German Empire, because, for one
son, the hereditary principle in botli
i weak, or did not exist ; and in thli
sent confederation, or Reich, the so.
led imperial dignity, though heredi
y in the Royal House of Prussia, iu
hereditary in the House of H(Ahen
lern aa such. If the Hoherzollkrm
m1ld ever cease to be Kings of Prussiv
y would cease ipso facto to be Em.
ors of Germany. Bat the Napoleonic
pire in France was always (.,lied iii
rman the " Keiserrich, ")e eaue he
perial principle, whatever that, maiy
was visibly incorporated in the pub
law of the State. The same obs. rva
i hld true of the hea-l of the Stitt
~ermany. The press and the public
other countries speak of him comn
rily .as, the Emperor of Germany,
chi is incorrect. There is no suc'h
sonage. The Federal Constitut ion
ply declares that the Presidency of
Confederation is vested ini the King
Prussiai, who all bear the title (oF
'man Emperor. Our usage of Ian
go and our habits of political thought
not, indeed, make any clear differ
e between the title German Emperor
the title Emperor of Germany ; but
l'eutonic-nay, to Con tinen tal --dia-.
icians the distinction is of vast im
tance. The King of Prussia is thoui
-ely President of the German reabur.,
there is nothing Imperial about hinm
'pt his title, There is no Imind~'i
'en.; no Imperial privy purse ; no
>erial civil list; no Imperial suite, or
r't or palace. He is simp~ly the King
3russia, mntrusted with certain exec
e functions in the German federal
em. --Prof. Hecrbert, in Harpe r's
Japan's National Flower :
'he cherry blossom iB the national
rer of Japan, as the rose is of
(land, the lily of France, the thistle
Scotland, and the shamrock of Ire
1. On the Mikado's flags, pages and
-iages, and on the soldiers caps and
!orms, you will see the open chrys
biemum. But the flower of the ieo..
and the nation is the flower of the
isoming cherry tree. The Japanese
tivate all over Japan tihe sakura tree,
chi is valued only for the beauty of its
usoms. From anl entire tree you
la not get ripe cherries enough to
to a pie; but the blossoms are massed
sther on the bo'ughs like clouds, and
blo( -ne are often as large as a rose.
nics i Japan are called "going to see
flowers." In June millions of people
nut to sing and sport and laugh and1(
y under the cherry trees, or to catch
1e snow showers that do not fall from
skies." Some of the peop~le become
enchanted with the lovely blossoms
o even worship the famous old I s,
MISERABIE shoemaker was brought
before a Western court charged with
amy. It transpired in the evidence
t6 the knight of the last had malrried1
it wives, all of whom are hiving.
3 Judge, who is an esthete, b~esidu
ding the man up for trial, ccaknenit
severely upon the case, de<.laring the
duct of the offender to be "too
ally Utah l"-S'omerville Journ al.
TIrEN old Mrs. Bunsby hand got
mugh reading in the paper an account
he last great fire she raised her spec
es from her eyes to the top of her
ci and remarked: "If the fireman
uld wear tile genuine home -kuit
~kings, such as we make and wear iln
country, they wouldn't be a-bustin'
their hoes at every fir. "
HUMORM OF THE DAY.
IT is the clean table-cloth that catches
the terly grease spot.
A m1NEn is always a lucky man be
cause he can always take his pick.
REBECCA: Yes, blind men may be per
fectly sane, although you do believe in
the saying, " Out of sight out of mind."
WE SHOULD think scarf pins would gt
sea-sick. They are so often on the
bosoms of such heavy swells.-edar
"I TAE my tox dis mornin'," said a
colored preachier, " from dat po'tion ob
de Scripture whar do Postol Paul pints
his pistol to de Fesions."
" GEOj'oE," she said, "hand me the
maynoo." " The which, ma?" " The
mnaynoo, dear." "The what?" "Oh
you stupid, give me the bill of fare, and
e quiet I"
AN EXCHANGE states that a clerk in a
government office at Washington was
injured by au accidental discharge of
hi- duties. It will not occur again.
"Now, Sammy, have you read the
story of Joseph ?" " Oh, yes, uncle."
" Well, then, wh)at wrong did they do
when they sold their brother ?" "They
sold him too cheap."
A SuORT metre wedding.-A young
clergyman in Iowa recently married a
couple in the following brief manner:
" Do you want one another ?" Both re
plied yes. "Well, then, have one an
"HTENRYt CLAY OLEsON :" Your poem
Cntitled, " An Olo to a Cucumber," is
accepted. We will work it in on the pub
lik in the form of newspaper wrappers,
or soll it to lay undor carpets. -Laramie
AN OLD proverb says: "If you throw
a pound of bread to the poor the Lord
will throw a pound of butter into your
lap." This may be true. We shan't
risk trying it, any way. It would be ex
tremely disagreeable to have a pound of
butter chucked into our lap.-Bo8ton
"I'LL arrest you if you don't keep
quiet," said a policeman to a Little
Rock man. " I'll bet you $100 you
,lcn't" Tho policeman nabbed him and
took him to the lockup. " Always the
way," he said, as the policeman locked
the door ; "1 never won a bot in my life."
Foan OF hABIT.-"Why are you
aite ?" naked im Austin school teacher of
a little girl,who liui)g her head and said:
We have a little baby at our house."
" Don't let it happen again," said the
ttacher, fiercelv, and tho little girl said
she would not, and took her deat.--Texaa
"1 Do you observo that woman ?" said
a gentleman to his companion, as a
sharp-featured female swept hau litily
by them. The friend nodded to indicate
that lie had observed her. "1 Wbll, I'm
illebted to her for the chief happiness
of my life." "Indled; I can imagine
theO gratitude you must feel toward her."
"No, you can't ; only her pirosent hus
hand can do that. Ten years ago I asked
he~r hand in marriage and she refused
me.' --Brookly n Eagle..
UNCLE JOE's REFLEoTION.-De stars
i.s jes as bright as doy was befo' de war.
Sonme folks would burrer a dung-hole ef
dey could. D)ar's some1 thing dat will
do 1o swop) orf ini the dark. A smart
dlorg rudder take do back track oh a
grown b'ar. A dorg wid a block on don 't
drag on his sitiwation. Olds Satun loads
his cannons wid big watermiillons. De
debbul ain't got no portickler objection
to Chrismus. Heap o' pentenchery
hands kin sing hymns firs-rate. You may
pr&y for rain, but you better try do hoe
on the crab-grass. A punkin vine ain't
gwine to ax your 'vice bout what road it
trabble.--New Orleans Times.
The Condensed Trowsers.
An editor in Chicago had ordered a
pair of new trowsers from the tailor. On
trying them on they proved to be two or
three inches too long. It being late on
Saturday iighlt, the tailor's shop was
closed, and the editor took the -trowsers
to his wife and asked her to cut them off
and hem them over. The good lady,
whiose encumbers or melons had perhaps
disagreed with her brusquely refused.
The same result followed an application
to his wife's sister and the eldest daugh
ter. But before b~edtimne the wife relent
inghtoo the pants and cutting off six
inhsfrom the legs, hemmed them
nic'ely and restored them to the closet.
Half an hour later the daughter~ taken
with compunction for her unfilial con
duet, took the trowsers, and cutting off
six ines from the legs, hemmed and
replaced them. Finally the sister-in
law felt the pangs of conscience, and
shle, too, performed an additional surgi
cal opearation on the garment. When
the editor appeared at the breakfast
Sunday, tile family thought a highlanA
chieftain hal arrived, for the trowsers
reached only to the middle of his thigh.
hiumor and Happiness.
All pure, sweet laughlter is a sign of
happiness, and happy people are much
miore ap1t to be virtuous than the unhap..
py. lBo good and you will be happy is
harly a more valid saying than be hap
py and you will be good. In the matter
of thought and character, it has many
times been observed by the most careful
stude~lnts of the mind that the lack of hut
mor involves a very serious intelleotu&J
defect, a lack of nice discrimination.
Tmi water of the Hudson river at
Poughkeepsie has been pronounced un
fit for drinking purposes, but the people
pyno more attention to this fact than
df it was announced that it was unht for