OCR Interpretation


The Orangeburg news. (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, June 01, 1867, Image 1

Image and text provided by University of South Carolina; Columbia, SC

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn84026920/1867-06-01/ed-1/seq-1/

What is OCR?


Thumbnail for

K?RST bUR HOMES; TEEEjNT OUR STATE; FINALLY THE NATION; THESE CONSTITUTE OTJI^ #OXJNTXlY.
TOLXTME f.
SATURDAY MORNING, JUNE 1, 1867.
NUMBER 15
THE ORANGEB?RG NEWS.
PUBLISHED At ORANGEBURG, S. C
Every Saturday Morning.
"~:o:~
KAMUKL diddle, Editor.
?enARLKS if. hall, Publisher.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION.
t>Ae 'Copy for oiic year. $2.00
?1 .t ? 5ix Months. 1.00
? . A ?. T!?-ce ". 00
Atey *he making up ? CLUB of FIVE ANNUAL
S??SCRlBKRS will rc??v\j nn extra copy
FREE OP CHARGE.
-.or
RATES OF ADVERTISING.
? 1 8quare 1st Insertion. $1.50
. " ?? - 2d ??. 75
A Sq?arc consists of 10 lines Brevier or one inch
of Advertising space.
Contract Advertisements inserted upon lire most
liberal, terms.
MARRIAGE and FUNERAL NOTICES, not ex
ceeding one Square, inserted without charge.
?:o:?
Yorms Cosh in Advance, "tea
Far further particulars, apply to Mn. Cn \ui.rs II.
IIall, or address
SAMUEL DIBBLE,
Eoitor ?RASffJBDUK? Nkws.
Orangeburg, S. C.
ft* 28 o ly
PUSlIC OFFICERS.
ORANGEBURG DISTRICT.
&Oaiy,iMi>T?P^-Aj-McMichaei.
Commissioner is E?it:iTv?V. I). V. Jamison.
Clerk or CorjiT?Joseph F. Robinson.
Sheriff?J. W. II. Bukes.
CoifONRK?C B. Glover.
? Tax Collectors.?Orange Parish.?V. W. Fairy.
St. Matthews Parish.?W. II. Duntzlor.
Asst. As*e*sor U. S. Rkvem'E.?George W.
Sturgeon'.
Aoknt fur Stamps, See;?P. V. Dibble.
Magistrates?Thomas P. Stokes, W. It. Trend
well, A. J. Gaskins, F. W. Fairy. David L. Connor,
J. BL Felder, Levin Argoe, R. V. Dnnttelly, E. .V.
Price, W. L. Ehney, J. D. Pricket, Samuel E. Moor
?r, C. B. Olover, E. C. Holman, P. C. Buyck, P. M.
Wamaaai&kcr, D. 0. Tiudall.
Cokmis8io.nf.iis to Ai'provr SeeuaiTiRs?J. *s?
vTannam&ker, James Stokes, D. R. Barton, Adam
flmoke, A. D. Frederick.
Commissioner* or Public Builiuxos?Wni. M.
Ration, Ilsrpin Riggs, E. Ezckicl, Joseph P. llur
l?f, F. H. W. Briggmann.
Commissioners or Roads?Orange Parish?West
ley llouscr, F. W. FAiry, Samuel M. Fairy, Samuel
?O. Fair, F. Livingston, W. S. Riley, Wcstley Culler,
II. C. ?Vnnhnmaker, N. E. W. Sistrunk, II. Living
ston,' James Stokes,' J. D. Knotts, R. P. AntIcy, John
8. BWman, J. L. Moorer, W. C. Moss, Lewis Ga
rick, B. A. Yon, J. II. O'Cnin, Ellison Connor, John
Broptc, J. fl. Guignard, Jacob Conner, George
Byrd, J. T. Jennings, David Daunclly.
Commission hum or Ruaos?St. Matthews Parish?
C. 8. Darby, W. C. Hano, M. K. Holman, Andrew
Honser, 3. A. Parlour, E. T. Shular, J. L. Parlour.
Oven Shular, T. G. Shular, W. L. Pon, J. W. Sel
lers, R. TV*. Bates, J. W. Barbour, Augustus Atin
g?r, P. W. Avinger, J. D. Zeiglcr, M. J. Keller, J.
C. Holman.
Commissioners or Free Schools?Orange Parish
David L. Connor, J. R. Millions, Henry N. Sncll,
John Jordan, N. C. Whetstone, John Inabinot, Dr.
O. N. Bowman, Samuel Dibble.
Commissioners or Free Schools?St. Matthews
Parish?Peter Buyck, J. II. Keller, Westley Honser,
John Riley, J. II. Felder, Adam Holman.
?I. - .. .. 1 gg?
Past Offices in Orangeburg District.
ofp1ces. postm ASTEltS.
?Orangeburg.,,,,,,,,.Thaddens C. Hubbell.
.St. Matthews.,.Mrs. Sally J. Wiles.
Vance's Ferry.,;?,,R, M. E. Avinger.
Brnnohville. ,.\\rs. Amy Thompson.
Fort Motte.JftllU Hirchmnrf.
.Schedule South Carolina Kail Road.
Down J^issrugcr,
J.cavc Columbia at. 0.80 A. M.
" Orangeburg at. 10.80 A. M.
Arrive at Charleston. 4 P.M.
" " Augusta. 5 P. M.
Up Passenger.
Leave Augusta at. 7 A. M.
?? Charleston at,...,.;. 8 A.M.
d^ Orangeburg at...,. l.aO P. M.
Arrlvo at Columbia nt. 5.20 P. M.
Down Freight.
Lcnve Orangcbnrg at.10 A. M.
Arrive aiCharleston at. 0.10 P. M.
Up Freight.
JLeaye'Ora?gcbnrg at.:.1.88 P. M.
Arrive at Coidmbh. at...'.......0.30 P. M.
mar 28- g tp
POETRY.
The Little Robe of White,
UY MUH. ?. T. I'EHIVfi
In a rosewood cradle a baby lay ; ?
Its mother was stitching, sticthing away
On n little robe of white.
One foot on tho rocker, she hoped to keep .
Her frolicsome baby fast asleep,
To finish her work that night.
In every stitch of the garment she wrought
That loving mother fastened a thought?
H?pen for that little one?
And smiled on her babe with a happy pride
As it slept in its cradle by her side,
"fill that little robe was done.
Then ehe folded up the cambric and lace,
And kissed her.little one's chubby face,
That smiled in its infant glee.
.She tossed it up and down in the air;
How prell3 you'll look little babe, whoa you \#ar.
That new little robe, said she.
In a rosewood coffin the baby lay?
Its mother had wept the night away,
Watching its dying breath.
With it clasped to her breast she prayed to keep
Her darling btlby from going to sleep
In the cold, cold arms of death.
They buried the babe i:i the garment just wrought
Whose every stitch held a hopeful though!?
From that loving nmthcrVsight.
On the marble stone she wrofc with a (car,
??How many hopp;? lie buried hero,
In that little robcof white."
In the Saviour's arms a baby lay,
From its rosewood coffin far away.
In I lie realms of love and light.
The angels a garment had folded about
Its idle form, which would never wear out ?
A seamless robe of white.
LITERARY.
s k l e c r n -
''tfHE ' SECRET SIGN.'
A SKETCH OF THE SOUTHK11N
CAMPAIGNS.
BY MltS. M. K. ItolllNSON.
In a desolate, rugged valley, the American
army were encamped for this winter. The dis
tance from Philadelphia might be about twenty
miles, inn north-westerly ?direction. The con
ditio:! of the troops was lamentable in the ex
treme; and the only wonder istbat they did
not sink under their accumulated misfortunes.
The winter was it most rigorous one ; they wore
without .shoes, blankets, or provisions ; their
course could be traced by the tracks of their
bleeding feet, cruelly cut by the ice, while their
only shelter from the cold and piercing blasts. ]
were rude log huts, constructed to ncconnno- j
date twelve men each, within which, upon the
damp ground, was scattered straw for cir
beds.
It is indeed surprising that hope did not
givo place to-despair; but the intense desire
for liberty, and an unshakon belief in the just
ness of their cause, enabled them to cheerfully
endure hardship and privation.
During this time the British had possession
of'Philadelphia, and were rioting to excess;
luxury and revelling were the order of the day,
and the possessions of the brave men they were
striving to subdue, wantonly appropriated to
their use. while the rightful owners were st nig
gling under the pressure of unequalled ?Uner
ing for the love of country.
Paper currency was almost worthless, and
but little specie hying in circulation, farmers
were disinclined to part with their produce.
1 and those indeed were fortunate who obtained
a sufficient supply for their daily wants'.
Man}' of the whig families wdio remained in
the city were robbed by the British soldiery,
who left them but little or nothing to subsist
upon. The ladies, however, with cars ever
open to the calls of charity, carried food from
their own tables to tho American prisoners,
and did all in their power to relieve the wants
of the destitute. A few had friends without,
the city, who watched every opportunity to
send n basket of provisions or a little money to
their suffering relatives. These juts of kind
ness wore attended with considerable risk, and
numerous arc the instances of Hie and liberty
being hazarded for the sako of doing good.
A farmer by the namo of Israel, who resided
in Wilmington, had a mother remaining in
Philadelphia. He feared her slender means
wore exhausted, and resolved, in sonic manner,
to aid her.
"I cannot divest my mind of the idea that
my mother needs assistance," he remarked, one
morning to his wifo.
?'It is probable she does," she replied. "W
have no reason to suppose that she has escaped
the cowardly and brutal conduct of our com
mos oncmtcsV'
"I must visit her iu person," added the
former, after a short pause. "My mother must
not want for food when I am blessed with
plenty."
"It will be a dangerous journey," said Mrs.
Israel, anxiously.
"I am awaro of that, but I can afford to risk
something, as well as others of my countrymen.
Think of the suffering at "Valley Forge."
"I cannot discourage you, but I have many
fears for the result," replied the wife, as she
remembered the rumors that each day brought
to her oars. "You ennut pass iu the daytime,"
she added.
"No, I must go in the night; darkness is the
best security."
"But you have not the countersign," said
Mrs. Israel, quickly.
"I can obtain it from one of cur tory neigh
bors."
"And wc must not overlook the fact that by
that very circumstance, you will place yourself
in Ws power," rejoined the wife.
"Women arc always anticipating evil," con
tinued the farmer, with a smile. Williams
always has the pass-word, and you know we
aronsgood friends as two men cau well be
whose sentiments differ so widely."
"lie's a wolf in sheep's clothing '." exclaimed
Mrs. Israel, warmly. "A man that will desert
the standard of Iiis country and league with its
counties, is not to he trusted."
"Wc must hope in One who sways the
destinies of nations, and eventually rights the
wronged," was the earnest rejoinder of the
bravo, farmer, us he set about the needful pre
parations.
Mrs. Israel said no more; she was a patriotic
.woman, hud though she felt some anxiety re
specting the fate of her husband, she thought
it .best "not to dishearten him by .unnecessary
fears: As the fanner bad anticipated, be found
i no difficulty in procuring the countersign from
i the neighbor mentioned, who granted the re
| quest without the least seeming reluctance.
Israel reached the ferry without the oceur
I ronee of anything worthy of note, and was al
I JlowuuV fco..p4Mnvby> the "wutinel, upon repeating
j the pass-word. Ho proceeded immediately to
his mother's residence. I*poll entering, he was
' much surprised to find a younger brother there
I upon the same business as himself; the latter
belonged to the American arm}*,.and bad been
prumptcd by filial affection to privately vi.->il
his mother, who was ito'w left alone, with the
\ exception of a black servant.
? The unexpected meeting was a joyous and
opportune one; fur Israel soon discovered that
his mother was really suffering for want of
food and the customary comforts of life. While
they were earnestly conversing together re
specting the deplorable state of the country,
the heavy tramp of horses and loud voices were
heard at the door.
The tvyo sous sprang up and unsheathed
their swords, while the terrified mother could,
barely articulate :
"Save yourselves, my children ! it is the
Hessian officer, who. with his tuen, conies and
goes when he pleases. Von can escape by the
roof." And seizing the one next her, which
happened to be the youngest son. she fairly
forced him up stairs and through an aperture
in the roof.
Meanwhile the knocking and uproar did not
cease below, and Israel, followed by his mother,
considered it the safest course to open the
; door.
"Be calm, mother !" he whispered, as she
wildly besought him to attempt an escape.
"Show no fear, and act as though nothing un
usual had occurred.
Israel opened the door. In rushed the Hes
sian officer and Iiis men. the former of whom
instand) seized him, exclaiming:
"Wc have caught the rebel !"
"Voll are wrong." said tb> Lanier, with
self-possession. "1 am all right; it must bo my
brother whom you seek "
I The officer looked at him intently, but did
ii"f relax his grasp.
"Judge for yourself," added Israel, seeing
his incredulity, and the thought flashing across
his mind that he had been mistaken for bis
brother. ".Judge for yourself," he continue'.
"1)6 1 look much like a soldier?"
The Hessian sergeant looked at him still
more attentively, and after a moment's pause,
said :
"You don't wear uniform, as 1 expected."
"No, and here is a suit belonging to my
brother, which he left. Von see it is much too
. mail for me." And Israel put on the uniform,
with much coolness of manner, and quite con
vinced the officer that he had secured the
wrong man.
"I perceive you are a loyalist," said the laf
tor, shaking Israel warmly by l-ho band, and
pressing him to take a seat at the table which
had been spread by the affectionate mother.
Ho folt himself obliged to comply, ami indi
cated to the. latter, by a significant glance to do
tlio same. She obeyed, and forced herself to
listen quietly to the coarse and brutal remarks
of the unwelcome guest, who repeatedly boast -
pd of his 8VCOC88 in dispatching "the cowardly
\ ? ? r
rebels," and in forcing the black to confess the
facfc.pf his young master's presence at home.
After he had protracted bis stay ' to what
scoAred mi interminable length of time, he
remarked that ho was on duty, and <juitted
th?Mwelling, much to tho satisfaction of his
hostess,
Jarael congratulated himself on his fortu
nate escape, and soon after took leave }bl bin
mc^iW and brother. ] Te reached homo safely,
but an hour afterward was arrested and made
a p^gj?oncr. The words of bis wife had proved
pro^kctic; L's tory neighbor had indeed given
hiru;thc counter-sign, but he had also betrayed
Tlie royal frigate Uoobuck was then lying
in me.Deleware. directly opposite Iiis f;tni!.
and.Israel and his wife's brother were in.-lautly
coiSwyed on board, to be tried as np?-s.
The fanner was one of the *;('onuuitf oe of
Safety," and tliis fact being known. Iiis posi
tiot&uidor'rhe eireumstanccs was a most dan
gormfajmo. Much severity ayd hardship were
uS(kfrep\vnrd him; his watch, a stnall sum of
nioilpy, and even his clothes, were taken from
hin?-.his bed consisted of coils of ropes on
sacks, with not the slighest covering to protect
hiunfroni the cold night air.
Ijjfraol considered his case a hopeless one.
and^quictly resigned himself to his expected
fate.-; His tory neighbors gave evidence agaimt
billign'nd repc atcd a remark which he remeni
"rierffllObaving made, implying that he '-would
sootier drive his cattle as a present to Celt.Mai
Washington, than to receive thousands of dol
larsfSjfcthem in British gold, to supply the
royrtj ships of war."
Tliis speech was full of treason, and speedily
CACjadtho ire of the British commander of
the ship. He ordered a file of soldiers to pro
ceed/,to the meadow, drive, (lie cattle to the
wafpr's edge, in full view of the prisoner, and
slaughter them without hesitation.
Ttipfann was at the distance of a mile from
the UVCr, but as the ground from the meadow
.^lopc^l'gradually down to the water, there was
<ii(;>)Vm^ to obstruct the view, and Mrs. Israel
"wtio'swa's~waTclit'iiI and anxious, saw every move
ment. She observed the soldiers leave the ship,
go on shore and proceed in the direction of the
meadow, where the cattle were quietly grazing.
Instantly divining their intention, she deter
mined to save the cattle, if she risked her life
in the attempt. Ordering a small boy to fol
low her, she hurried to the spot, lowered Jhc
bars, and attempted to drive them through the
oper.ing. The soldiers shouted to her to desist,
tineateuing to lire upon her if she did not.
The undaunted women heeded them not, and
they put the threat into execution. The shots
did not harm, save to make almost wild the al
ready allVighted brutes, who bounded in every
direction across I be Held, while Mrs. israel, to
the hazard of life and limb, succeeded in driv
ing them into a yard adjoining the barn.
Not daring to venture farther among the
farm-houses, the disappointed assailants re
turned to the ship, and related to the cltas
grincd officer the failure of their mission. This
incident happened, it should be remembered,
in sight of the commander of the Roebuck and
his two prisoners.
Israel was treated much more rigorously than
his companion ; daily was his situation becom
ing more crit ieal, for the lime was last approach
ing for his trial. He knew the character of
his judges well, and expected no mercy at their
hands.
One night as he was roc lining up* n his hard
bed, a friendly-looking sailor approached him.
"1 wish to ask vou a question," lie said, in a
low, but kind tone. ??! am a friend, and wish
yon well, so you need nut fear' to answer me
truthfully."
Isral signified his willingness to do so.
??Are you a free-mason." resumed the sailor.
? I am," replied Israel, much astonished at
the question.
"Then there is some hope for yoii." added
the sailor quickly. "To-morrow night there is
a lodge held on ship-board, the officers who be
long will assemble, ami in some way you may
be able to alter their opinions respecting you.
It is your last chance, for they will likely lind
you guilty of being a spy."
The countenance of Isrctil brightened up;
he expressed his gratitude to the sailor in the
warmest terms, and laid himself upon the coil
of rope with a lighter hca. t.
The next day he was bn light up for trial in
lue form; bis tory neighbors were examined.
;. ul their depositions told fearfully against him.
Contrary to the expectations of both, the pris
oners were permitted to speak for themselves.
Israel boldly but respect fully avowed (he truth;
candidly acknowledged his visit to the city, yet
denied going as a spy; but on the contrary to
afford relief to a beloved and suffering mother.
His earnest and eloquent words had no observa
ble effect; the faces of his judges were stern
and inflexible. Soon after, the farmer watched
bis opportunity, and made, to the commanding
officer, the sign of the seorel order to which he
belonged.
i The change in the deportment, of the officer
was almost magical. The severity of his coun
tctmnce relaxed, no manifested some confusion
of manner, and presently communicated with
his brother officers iu a suppressed tone.
"Gentlemen," said the commander mildly,
"it seems that wc have labored under some mis
apprehension iu regard to the character of this
person. Instead of coining among us as a spy,
it was to bring relief to a parent in need. 1 do
not think it advisable to proceed further with
"the ease.
Tn this opinion the others fully concurred,
und Mr. Israel was acquit ted. This was not all;
he was treated with the greatest hospitality by
the British officers, loaded with gifts for him
self and wife, and, as an additional mark of
distinction, was sent on shore in an elegant
barge. Kor this remarkable escape he was in
debted to the teeret nii/n of the masonic brother
hood.
M I S C H Ii h A N Ii O U S .
Danger of Delay.
People sometimes object- that they cannot
"ajf'to'd" to assure. Such an argument should
rather teach a man the imperative necessity
fur assuring at once. If Ac feel so much diffi
culty in vfithdrawingsueh a trifle of his income,
let him reflect on the frightful coiulition into
which bis death would plunge his family. There
are others who *-1 in trial" to assure, but postpone
any assurance because they can not spare enough
to cflcetit at once for 810,000 or 820,000.
But why should they be too proud to send in
an application for a. Thousand Dollar Policy,
and not proud enough to rescue their family
from soliciting of strangers the aid of a
bundled cents '/ They should assure immedi
ately for ?1000, or what they can afford; and
there are few who do so one year who will not
assure for double the amount iu the next: By
such people it should be remembered that delay
is never hiorc dangerous than in their case.
Every year decreases the chance of being ac
cepted. "When- the cold shiver runs through
the. frame?when the quickened pulse, the fe
vered tongue, the patchy completions, the
short cough, and the hectic flush appear?it is
too fate to rush to the assurance office yourself
for a Life Policy. Imagine the situation of a man
who. suffering under slow decline, feels bis en
ergies daily failing, and his resources, at the
same time, day by day decreasing. With the
prospect of a speedy dissolution, he knows that
ail who are dependent upon hhn?the victims
of his neglect?must go forth to seek their
br< ad amid the closed hands and stony hearts of
the world. He will picture to Himself that
which \vilj follow mi.his decease?which he has
seen happen to others, and from which be can
anticipate no iniuuity: the break-up of his
home, his ? household gods" roughly handled
by strangers, hi conduct harshly condemned by
his friends, the love of his children failing
before the rtulc shocks of poverty., and their
respect, by continual and bitter suffering,
dwindling il iwn to censures on his memory.
It is an awful thing for u man .on bis death-bed
to consider, that, ere his corpse grows cold, his
widow may be haggling with the undertaker for
the price of his coffin, and his family may
hunger and thirst to' provide him a decent
sepulture.
tmmmmmmft^m mm ? wm??.?em???????
HUMOROUS.
Conundrums.
What, is the difference between a tailor and
a siege-gun? One works the breeches, and
the other breaches the work.
What is the difference between a" New Zeal
ander and an American mother? One loves
tender babies, while the other prefers baby
tenders.
What fruit does a newly married couple
mostly resemble? A green pear.
Why is the second wife of a widower with a
small family like a Hornau king ? Because
she a Nutna (new nm).
What kind of leather would a naked Moor
remind you of ? Undressed morocco.
Why was William the Conqueror of no sex?
Because ho wa >t a female Xor-man.
Which 1 (ho tost wonderful animal in a
farm-yard? A pig, because he is, killed first
and cured afterwards.
Why are all butchers thieves? Because
they steal (steel) their knives.
Why are they different from all other thieves?
Uecause they steal (steel) their knives.
A Yankee Trade.
A certain fanner, who in the courso of the year
purchased seventh! dollars worth of goods and
always paid for them, called at a storo of a vil
lage merchant, his regular place of dealing,
with two dozen brooms, which bo offered for
salcv The merchant, who, by the way, is fond
of a good bargain, examined his stock, and
said : "Well, Cyrus, I will give you a shilling
a piece for those brooms."
Cyrus sc;omed astonished at the offer,'" and'
quickly replied: 'r****
"Oh, no, John'I can't begin to take that
for 'em, no how; but I'll let you have 'em i foiV &
twenty cents a piece, and no-/ a cent less."
"Cyrus you are crazy," replied Jolin.. .
"Why^Bcc here," showing a fine lot ol" brooms, "
is an. article a great deal better than yours
(which was true) which I am retailing at
twelve and a half cents apiece" (which Was not
true by seven mid half cent?.)
"Don't c- ? for that," answered Cyrus;
"your brooms are cheep enough, hut you can't
have mine for less than twenty cents, auyhow j" .? k
and pretending to be more than half angry,,
shouldered his brooms and started for the
door. ? ' ? ?
The merchant, getting nervous over the l?s?
of a good customer, and fearing thatiie might
go to anotbc storcr and never return, saidv I ?
"See here, Cyrus, hold on awhile, If I give
you twenty cents for your brooms you will not
object to take the price of them out iu goods ?"
"No. I dou't care if do," rcylicd Cyrus.
"Well, as you aro an old customer, I will
allow you twenty cents apiece for this lot. Lei '
j me see, twenty-four times twenty make just
foul-hundred and eighty cents. What kind
of goods will you have Cyrus ?" ? .
"Well now, John, I reckon it don't make
any difference to you what sort of goods 1 tak?, t
does it V
"Oh no, not at all,?not at all," said- tub r
merchant ? .
"Well, then, as it don't make any difference, ,
I will take the amount in them brooms of
yours at 12- cent apiece. Let me see, $4,80
will get 38 broom's and 10 cents over; don't
make much difference, John about the 10
cents, but as you are a right clever fellow, I
believe I'll take the change in terbaeker."'
When Cyrus went out of the door with his
brooms and "terbaeker" John was seized with
a.serious breaking out at the mouth, during
which time he was distinctly heard to violate;.,
the third commandment several t imes by the
?bystanders who all enjoyed the joke. ? *
Which and t"Otiii:k.?"Old Fritz," who
raised pigs and cabbago in Napa county, Cali
fornia, appeared before Judge H?as a witness,
says an exchange.
Question,?"What is your namo?"
Answer.?"Veil, I calls myself Fred, but
may-be so?I don't know?it is Yawcup. You
-see, Shudge, mine modder she have two lectle
boys; one of'em vas me and one vas my broder,
or one vas my broder and t'ohtcr vas me, I don't .
know vich; and I vas shust so old as my broder .
vas young, or my broder vas shust so old as me,
T don't know vich. and mine modder she don't;
and one of us vas name Fred and t'oder
Yawcup, i r one named Yawcup and t'oder
Fred, I don't know vich, and one of us got
died,?but mine modder she never could tell
wheddor it was mo or mine broder vat got
died ; so, Shudge, I does not know whedder I
is Fred or Yawcup,-and mine modder she
don't know."
A worthy old farmer, residing iu tho vicini
ty of Lake Mahopcck, was worried to death
last summer by boarers. They . found fault
with his table and Said he had nothing to
eat.
"Dang it," said old Isaac, one day, "what a'
fuss you're making. I can eat anything.
"Can you cat a crow V* said one of the
boarders.
"Yes, I ken eat a crow I"
"Bet you a hat," said the guest.
The bet was made, tho crow caught and
and nicely roasted, but before serving up they
contrived to season it with a good doso of
Scotch snuff. Isaac nat, down to the crow,
lie took a good bite, and began to chew
away.
"Yes, 1 ken cat crow ! (another bite, and an
awful face.) I ken cat crow; but I'll bo
darned if I hanker artcr it!"
- ??U? INI -
Vat you C Alu Dem.?"Vat you call dem
tings vit long bills zat fly and make a noise,
b-z-z-z?" said a Frenchman, tho other tiny.
"Woodcock," we replied. "Eh bicn ! I kill
zis morning, before mine breakfast, twenty-five
woodcock." "The deuce you did 1 Where
did you find thorn :"' "In mine chamber bed."
' Twenty-five woodcock in your hrd-rhtitnbcr 7
You must mean musquitua." "Eh bictl! #'eu
1 kill twenty-five inusquitos."
Is A HuitttY,?A boy with post-office panta
loons and ventilated hat rushed into a drng
store in Bellows Falls, tho other day, with a
dipper in his baud, and exclaimed : ?
"Doctor, mother sent mo down to shottecary
pop, quickcr'n blazes, cos bub's sick as the
dickens with the pipen-chox, and she wants a
thimbleful) of pollygollic in this dipper, cos wo
hadn't hot a gottlo handy, and tho kin pup*?
got the bine witters in't. Got any ?"
????-?????-?
"I want to buy a sowing machine," said nu
old lady, entering a shop. "Do you wish for a
machine with a feller ?" inquired tho1 clerk.
?t??akcs, no! don't want any of your fcllcri
about inc."

xml | txt