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The Orangeburg news. (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, July 20, 1867, Image 1

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^11 iniK?T OtTB' HOlffiES;' THEN OtTH StT^TE ; FINALLY THE NATION; THESE CONSTITUTE OXJTfr~&?tl3tt^^
SATURDAY MORNING, JULY 20, 1867. ; ?? ?-.'!
?:o:-?
?WWISr?KP AT.'0^?iHB3anGr!c. 8
tn^to^'8ama& ??rning.
<H*l.?ti4?Mit 1,0001 cW ll.i 1,1 't ? ? ?
* CHARLES H. HALLy Publisher.
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A Squaro consist* of 1Q lines Brevier or one inch
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Contract Advertisements inserted Upon tho most
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'.' #br further particulars, apply to Mi? Cu.\ni.Es ll.
II all, or address
mJ SAMUEL DIBBLE, ?>
r. Editou OnANaEncna News.
' Ornngeburg, 8. C.
.feb 2d ? ? - : ? '? ly
PUBLIC OFFICERS.
OBANGEBURG DXSTHICT.
j,,0??i*a?t-?-P. A. MoMichnct. '
': Commissioner'!* Equity?V. D. V. Jamison.
' Ci.r.nk of CbcBT?Joseph F. Robinson.
* flihshrfrr?tf'. W. H. Dukes.
Coroxeb?C: K Glover.
^^'^r^CotLEjrroBe.-rOrimgc Parish?P. W, Fairy.
fit, Matthews Parish.?W. II. Da'ntxler. "
Asst. Assest-oa U. S.' Rkvesck.?George W.
Sturgeon.
'iaa'B^ir roh SrAMrs, P. V. Dibble.
* r :MAtttsru\tks?Th?mas.P. 8tokos, W. R. Tread
wcll, A. J: Gaskins, F. W. Fairy, David L'. Connor,
Felder, Lovin Argoc, R. V. DanncRy, E. A.
' Price, W. L. Ehney, J. EL Pricket, Samuel E. Moor,
er, C. B. Glover, E. C. H?linan, P. C Buyuk, F. M.
Wannaniaker, D. O. Tindnll.
Com mission uns to Approve Securities?J. G.
Wannamaker, James Stokes, D. R. Barton, Adam
Smoke, A. D. Frederick. .. ? .
Commissioned or Puulio Buildings?Wm. M.
Hutson, Harpin Riggs, E. Ezckicl, Joseph P. Hur
ley,?. II. W. Briggmonn.
Commibbioneiis of Roads?Orange Parish?West
My IIouser, B* W. FairyV Bamuel M. Fairy, Samuel
C&rjf?r* F,:LI*/ingatpn, AV. Sf RUey, Wostlcy: Culler,
II. C. Wannamaker, N. E. W. Sislruuk, II. Living
ston, James Stokes, J. D. Knotts, R, P. Antlcy, John
iL Bowman, J. L. Moorcr, W. C. Moss, Lewis Ga
*lck, E. A. Yoh/J/il. O'Cain, Ellison Connor, John
JBrodie, J. G. Gui'gnard, Jacob Cooner, George
Hjrd, J. T. Jennings, David Dnnnolly.
CoMBtflSiONEna or Roads?St. Matthews Parish?
Darby, W. C. Han?, M. K. Holman, Andrew
Hotter, S, A, Parlour, E. T. Shulnr, J. L. Parlour,
Owen 8U#bir, T, 6. ??ulnr;, W. L. Pou, J. W. Sel
lers, Bj W, RbAqSj It W. Barbour, Augustus Avin
IP. A?i??er7 ? D.'Ztigler, M. J. Keller, J.
G. ITobn?n. ?
Commissioners of Free Scuoots-?Orange Parish
"David L. Obn??r, J. *R. Milhous, Hen.'*/ N. Sncll,
John* Jordan, N.-C. -Whetstone, John InnL??1?5^ Dr
0.3M.,pwP?an, Samuel Dibblo.
? /commibwoji.e.bp Jp.F F;p.e.E.Sic?.ooi.ft-St. MftttllO,'vy
I^JrbilirT^Peter Buyck, I.?. Keller, Westley Houacr,
.John Riley, J. H. Felder, Adam Holman.
^?'1 ' ii3 I fag ? l . ?!
_j Offices in OrangcDurg District.
, offices, p08thasters.
fOrangeburg.Thadd?us C. Hubboll.
ifjt. Matthews.Mrs. Sally J. Wiles.
Vaft'ce's Ferry........R. M. E. Aylnger.
jBranchvillo..........Mrs. Amy Thompson.
Fort Motte.John Birchmore.
? LjiuI? Hrfg-:- 1 -
Schedule South Carolina Rail Road.
V,ti Down Passenger.
Leave Columbia at.,.?. ?.80 A. M.
??i Orangob?rg at....,. 10.89 A. M.
Arrive at Charleston.;. 4 P. M.
; ?? Augusta..,,.,. ? P. M.
Up Passenger.
Heave AUgusta at....... 7 A. M.
'nrlX Charleston at.......'... 8 A.M.
?? Orangehurg at. 1.30 P.M.
Arrive at Columbia at.,..,. 6.20 P. M.
'<! /> Down Freight.
Leave Ornngeburg at...10 A. M.
Arrive at Charleston at...??,..?. 6.10P. M.
",' , ' '' ' '"? Vp Freighi.
?>.dl b .? ? <'. ? ? j ? T ? i 1
Leave Orangehurg at.,...??,.1.38 Y. M.
Arrive at CpjHmbia at,...,?,,..,,Mti'?6.80 P. M.
mar 3$ ;/ J P ' M
?> v. . rii . " ? :-5?. .. .- ? -.>?'< '.?.'"'!...?' " v'
POETRY.
? ??{? ,t P , ?.? ? ; , ? ' : ?
'' '? ' ??-?F*oin tho Carolina Spartan.]
;THe : Blues. '
fcaMirj *;..? .!? .1 t??[nl ?: ? !
- Sho sat by the parlor window,
In brocad'j and ribbon and laco;
On one lily -hand she rested I
Uer dimple, yet colorless face ;
The other one held a novol,
Which she certainly did not peruse..
Fordier eyes woro that restless languor,
' Of one who is in the "Blues."
-Shodropped ho* book in impatience? - ? ft
She rooked in her velvet chair-r
Ske sighed, as her arms sho folded,
With a Ihtloss, woc-bogono air.
"O, dear," she exclaimed, '"it la dreadful I
Can nothing my thoughts amuse ?
*Ib there no specific, I wonder,
? For the terrible, terrible'Blues?'"
''Now there's my .splendid piano,
And several new pieces to learn,
But 'tis distraction itself to practice
With no one the pages to turn;
So I'll just walk down in the basement,
(And she glanced at hor now* ??No Two's"')
It can't be worse than enduring .
. Alone, theso horrible Blues."
So out of the parlor she fluttered,
'' In brocade aqd ribbon and lace;
At tho pantry-door sho encountered
Her mother's true w?inanly.faco;
It was thin and pale, and time worn,
But dignity sat on her brow.
And tho jewel, patience, sparkled
From eyes once brighter than now.
"O, mother you look so cheerful,
And yet you arc working so;
You always seem kind and pleasant,
Why.is it, I'd like to know t
I'm restless, and weary, and lonely,
My patienoo I'm ready to lose
For Fred will bo gone fop a fortnight,
And I'm literally dying nf Bhiep,"
?'The Blues," my daughter, is only '
Tho result of nothing to do;
The true woman makes herself useful
And never finds time to be Jbluo;'
'Life is real and earnest' and fleeting,
Artd tho river of time tlowcth on?
To Eternity's ocean 'tis bearing '
Each deed that each mortal hath done."
?d?aoh day its Record is making;
Each moment is written above;
Euch feeling, each thought, each purpose,
Euch word of haired or love.
0,* then have wo time to bo idle!
llfive we moments to throw away?
They'ro more precious thnn pearls, my daughter j
0, gather them, Pftvolhom to-day."
'?I see, mother dear, I've mistaken
Tho secret of life's happiness :
" To be useful and make others happy,
Ik the only way to be blest.
So mother, I'll doff these trappings,
And assist you now, if you choose;
And if young men will take my advice, they'll
beware ?
Of gibls pre-disposeo to tuk dlokb."
LITERARY.
(SELECTED.)
HOW I JiOST MY
CHAPTER I.
"Do you object to smoking, sir V
This I asked in my-blandest manner of an
old gentleman who sat with his faoo hidden by
a newspaper, opposito me in a railway carriage.
All tho scats in the carriage wcro filled ? I
and four others were on our way from Cam
bridge to onjoy tho Christmas vacation. Our
spirits wore high, for there is a dolight in ban
isn-ing, for a time, all thoughts of conio sec
tions, Newton's "Principle " and the little go,
and cntfc'rtai.ning, in exchange, visions of
"hops," skating parties, and all the Orgies
which every right-minded family hold at this
season in honor of King Christmas.
But I must introduce you to my chums, for
chums wc were, although our' taBtcs did not all
lio in the same direction. Jack Stirrup, is (or
rather was at that period) a riding and hunting
man, and was not unfrcqucntly to he seen at
Nowmarketj Stretcher, on tho other hand,
loved boating, and preferred the sight of a
well-developed biceps, to that of the best bred
hunter, and would often remark to Jack, ''How
on earth you can say that you would rathor sec
tho 'Two Thousand' than tho 'Tiinc-race' in
tho 'Colquhoiin Scclls,' I cannot, for the
lifo of me, mako out." Edwards was a poor
and reading man, but wljoso wit aud talonts
rendered him a universal favorito; \vh,ilst
Davics was a rich, open-handed, good h,cartod
fellow over U.YCUV F?r B>y ?wu T)art> I do
not think I had any woll defined peculiarity,
but did a little of everything. I read a little,
rowed a little, hunted a little, had a fair in
come,?in ?bort, if I had any characteristic at
all., it was a love cf laziness and practical
jokes. ,*
We congratulated ourselves ja geling a car
ringe to oursulvo?, (with the 'exception of -the
old gentleman I have named,) for wo intended
to'keep out the cold, and boguile our journey*
with sundry pipes and oigara: We had our
case out, and we?"o preparing to light up, as a
matter of course, when wc were astonished by
my vis-a-vis dashing away tho newspaper which,
had hidden liia face. ? ^..'w. -
'fDo I object to smoking ? Yes, sir, I do ob
ject 1 it object ?very strongly, Bir ! and I beg.
that you will instantly replace ypur cigars in
your pockets. I insist on having no smoking
in.this'carriage I" fj .; k
'? We looked aghast at this sudden burst of old
gentlemanly wrath.
"Might I ask if you intend travelling far ott
[ this line, sir ?" inquired Edwards in his comi
cally polite tone.
"What is that to you, sir? What business
IB it'of yours where I am going to ?"
"I merely wished to suggest, in case of your
travelling far, that, pleasing and delightful as
it would bo for us to enjoy your agreeable so
ciety, yet nevertheless, wo would try to bear
the loss, should you prefer to change carriages
at tho next station."
"No doubt you would wish to get rid of me;
but ho sir ! I do not move my scat, and tho
first one that smokes I report to the guard."
"In that case I lear wc shall be obliged, pain
ful though it bo, to tear ourselves away," I
"said, aswc drew at a small station.
Fortunately wc found the next copnrtmcnt
empty, and ? as wc started again wc pulled out
the cignr cases, this time to light their con
tents.
1 "Tho old boy has certainly got out of bed
the wrong p;dc this morning," said I puffing
away.
"Or has made a mistako in his betting book,"
remarked my sporting friend. "Wc will give
him a benefit now, at any rate ; I voto we take
it iu turns to puff smoke through the lamp
hole. Let's look at him; ha! cooled down a
little?is about to compose himself to sleep.
I'll troublo you for his night cap ; come ajjd
look at it, Fred.".
I did so, and roared on seeing a red woven
cap of conical shape, which added very con
siderably to the irascity of the wearer's fea
tures._ ? w^^^^-rr^m^m
Witlrp7re8evc*f1fiicc^ better''
cause, wc each made a tube of a paper, and
putting the end through the lamp-hole, took
our turn at "smoking him out;" and I blu.il 1 as i
I now think bow heartily wc enjoyed the en
raged state in which he jiaccd up and down
tho empty carriage like a caged tiger:
The n:xt time wc stopped, however, the
guard put his head into our carriage window
and said with a wink?
"Gentl'n in next compartment complains of
your smoking, sir."
"Smoking I" wo exclaimed, with a mock in
dignation. "Do wc look as though we'd boon
smoking!* What nonsense!" And added in
a mysterious manner, "You sec there's one
vacant scat; of course we're uot.going to tell
talcs of the man who occupied that."
"All right!" said tho guard Ir.ughing; "I
was not born yesterday." And aftcT a slight
ly confidential transaction of a pecuniary na
ture, left us in peace.
The snow, which had been falling heavily
all day, now lay thick all around. Our eyes
ached again, as we looked out of the window
(which was itself all frosted over) pn to the
dazzling snow which covered all tho landscape;
and as wc stamped our fect on the floor of the
carriage, wo began hoartily to wish ourselves at
our journey's end, and by tho fireside.
* * * * * *
"Halloo ! what arc wc stopping for now ? I
wonder whother we're going to do an up-set,
or anything exciting of that kind," said Davics,
looking out of tho window. "I don't see a
train anywhere that wc can have a friendly
collision with."
"Get out here gentlemen," said the guard,
possingtho window; "tho line is snowed up.
and wc shall havo to wait till it is clear."
"Dut, sir," I said, "how on earth could
they?"
"Might I request to know who spoke to you,
sir ? I consider your remark and interference
excessive impertinence."
This was a littlo too bad. and I turned to
Jack and whisporcd that wc would devise some
plan of giving our friend a lesson demonstra
tive of the evil attending bad temper at Christ
mas time.
Wc were fortunatoly stopped at a distance
of only two hundred yards from a station ; but
n very poor station it was, without any waiting
room or refreshment rooms.
The station master, who was a pleasant sort
of i\ fyllo^v, said we should have to wait but a
couple of hours amj ga\o us a, room, where we
j made the best of a bad job., and having scut
I for somo bcor from the nearest "public," bc
camo, ns Edwards mathematically observed,
approximately happy. Tho old gentleman,
however, had not yet vented all his wrath, but'
kept on anathemathising tho saow and the
railway pooplo at intervals. After we had
warmed qursclvcs, Stretchier proposed that wc
should have somo songs] but as no one volun
teered, I suggested tbat we should get on our
way sooner if wo all wont out and helped to
c^ear away the snow from the line: To this all
agreed, (with the exception of our amiable
friend, ,of course.)
S Wo had worked away merrily for about an
hour, and were congratulating ourselves on
being able to start again, when Jack came
running up with a very pleasant expression of
countenance, and as he tapped me on the
jjhouldor, I remembered that he had not been
with us for the ifet half hour.
? "Fred," he said, "I've an idea."
"Koejp it, then," I replied; for it is so rare
a commodity with you that I would not de
prive you of it for the world."
"Don't chafe, and I'll tell you all about it.
.1 went up into the room at the station just now,
and found our friend, the old boy, fast asleep
in his chair, completely collapsed under tho so
porific effects of tho fire and a glass of brandy
and water. I immediately ran into the village
aud- bought these, he said, showing me a hand
ful of screws, a gimlet and a screw-driver. .
"What in the name of everything ridiculous
do you waut these fer ?" I asked.
it "Don't you sec ! wo shall bo able to start
again directly, now that th<s line is clear; wc
will, meanwhile, run up stairs aud screw the
old gentleman firmly into the room?the train
goes on?wc are revenged for his surly behav
ior to us, and he will then learn that 'old'gen
tlemen should not be ill-tempered at Christmas
time.'"
"Capital!" I said, always ready to fall in
with a practical joke; "let us be oft* at once."
Wc certainly found the old gcctlcman in as
Morphean a torpor as we could wish. His feet
wore propped upon a chair, whilst his boots
were drying, and be was breathing with his
mouth wido open, in a rather npojdcctic man
ner.
"Shall I put a snowball into, caeh of Iiis
boots j" I said.
"No! that would bo too much of a good
thing, but I'll tell you what you shall do;
you're are rather n swell at drawing, aren't
you? I'll just burn the cud of tkit beer bot
tle cork, and you shall artistically adorn his
Taco."
!r**"i uai wspicnaiar-Tio-wuispcrca;~aarr -nm
ished off with giving him n moustache, which
turned up in a facetious manner. "Just luovo
that looking glass, and put it so that ho may
admiro himself directly ho wakes; and now
let us be oft"."
Wc walked on tiptoe to the door. The
hinges began to creak ; and cold as the weath
er was. a faint perspiration began to develop
itself oh my forehead, us I noticed the old gen
tleman move in his el.air ; it was, however,
only to turn his head on to the other shoulder,
and we closed the door in safety.
'Hive me the screws quick," I said, "and go
to the bottom of the stairs and prevent any
one coming up."
I bored hole after hole as noiselessly as I
could, and having made the door as fast as
eight screws would make it, I ran down stairs
and whispered '-All right!"
? "Is there a gentleman tip stairs, sir ?" said
the station master walking towards us. "He
asked mo to wake him up in time for the train,
and it is just ready to go."
"Oh, he won't like to be disturbed till the
last moment, you may be sure," said Jack.
"By the by, 1 wished to talk to you of a plan
by which I think your statiou might be much
improved."
Now architecture happened to bo one of the
station master's hobbies, and they were soon
deep in discussion. I beat a hasty retreat to
the guard, and producing a sovorcign said?
"If you get us oft* in five minutes from now,
waiting for no one, and ring your bell at the
very last minute, that is yours."
"All right, sir !" The luggage is all iu and
most of the passengers. Take your seats.
Going on ! he shouted, whilst I stood with my
watch in hand.
"One minute left! Hing the bell now," I
said.
"Ifthoy undothe.se screws in one or even
five minutes, I'll eat them."
Wc jumped into a carriage, tho guard gave
the final whistle, and the train moved slowly
on. We anxiously watched the result of our
plot, with our heads out of the window. Af
ter waiting one or two minutes, we noticed n
figure gesticulating at the station window.
The train thou passed into a deep cutting, and
wc lost sight of it.
OHAPTJSH II.
1 think I have forgotten to say that I was
going to spend the Christmas with a eollogo
friend, lie had promised to meet me at 0
station.
You may imagine that I was not sorry to
find myself arrived there, nor yot to sec my
friend Tom stamping his feet on the platform,
no doubt thoroughly tired of waiting for tho
train, As ho drove mo up, he began talking
of the different arrangements ho had mado for
our mutual amusement. "To-morrow," he said,
"I've set aside for'k*%M$gpi&jf.'[ TlidWiin?
tlic pond in th'c pdrk riwept)'ancf iHvIted all 'fot
jcnncs dehmseUe* within reach, and as they
hnve all accepted, it will*give, you a' very fair
idea of our 'native' beauty." : ' di:
Now, of all jolly things in the world, I think
a skating party is the j oiliest. Tom says thai
I am fond of showing my skating offj but I
deny that this has anything to do with it. Iii
the first place, the frosty weather (and the
mullet claret) induce high bpirits; then there
are the tumbles to laugh at, and the ladies'
skates to strap oia, (which last, iu: my own
mind, is not the least part of tHe'entertain
ment.)
We had by this time reached the hou.se,
and, after accomplishing our toilets, Tom-took
me in tho drawing room.
"The guv'nor isn't at home; let me intro
duce you to my sister Minnie."
Miss Minnie rose, and held out her hand at
once, but for my own part, I was too dumb
founded to utter a single word. I am told that
lam far from eloquent when describing fe
male beauty, so I will not attempt it here: but
I must say that I had never, and have never
I since, secu such a pretty and merry face. When
dinner was announced, however, I had recov
ered my equanimity sufficiently to offer her my
arm, and after a short time we got to know one
another thoroughly. >,
Tho diuner (perhaps it may hove been the
port wine) had opened my heart, and when we
removed to Tom's sauefcttm to smoke, (where by
tho way, Miss Minnie insisted on joining us,
saying that she "liked to smell tobacco, and
. found it so dull by fcerself,") I began to. relate
my adventuro with the old gentleman.
Peal after peal of laughter arose as I pro
ceeded! with, my narrative. I warmed with my
subject, quite outdoing myself in the descrip
tion of the old gentleman's angry face and his
irate behavior.
"Here" I said, in tiiumph, "is my- trophy 1"
and I held out the night cap.
Never shall I forget that moment?brother
and sister stared at it for one second, and then
Tom looking vacantly at mo, immediately went.
inAo a hy sterical fit of laughter. His face be
gan to grow quite black, and the tears rolled
down his cheeks.
??J5*y-Tucv picacutccr-nttj-CTnug *rm> a'TnugnTag'
appearance, for I was struck with amazement
at his behavior. At last, with what little
breath ho had loft, ho managed to get out tho
words:
"It's?the?guv'?uor's?night?cup !" .
As he said that he pointed at a small label
inside the cap, which I had not noticed before,
and there, sure cuough,wcrc the words:
" To Grumblcthorpc, Esq.,
" Grumblcthorpc Hall,"
Reader, have you ever wished tbe earth to
upon and swallow you up ? How fceart?y did
I wish it at that momont. I saw the whole
affair at a glance; I had been playing a practi
cal joko upon the geutleman in whose house I
was sitting, and hud been describing him in the
most ridiculous light to his daughter. How I
hated Tom for laughing, (his sister was nearly
as bad, by the way,) whilst I sat turning al
te mutely red and pale, considering what on'
earth was to be done. At this moment a ser
vant entered the room.
"A telegram for Miss Grumblethorpo."
She hastily looked over it, and then read it
aloud to us:
"Shall come by the 8.30 to-morrow morning.
Some young 'jackanapes have played a practi
cal joke, and caused me to miss the lost train
to-night."
At last I fouud words. "Tom," I said, "I
must fly. Miss Gruniblcthorpe, I can not suf
ficiently apologize to you for?"
"Oh, you need not apologize to me, nor must
you go cither. Tom, you must devise some csr
cape Out of the dilemma."
"It would certainly never do for the govern
or to recognize you; he'd never forgive you,
and would cut me off with a shilling. Oh! I
have it; I sentence you, in punishment, to cut
off those whiskers and moustaches?he'll never
know you then."
"Never!" I said with determination. "I'm
not a vain man, but I never voluntarily make a
fright of myself."
"0!i ! I'm sure'you would look much better
without them/' said Miss Grumblethorp; "bo
sides. remember tho skating party to-morrow;
I want you to teach mo so much. You really
must jjot go."
I wag not proof against this. The adorable
Miss Minuio actually wishing me to stay !
Again, I recollected that I had no other in
vitation for Christmas, and my family were
spending tho winter abroad. Undor tho cir
cumstances I determined to risk nil, and stay
where I was suro to enjoy myself.
Noxt morning I rose early, had a "clean
shave" and borrowed a pair of light }>lttC spec
tacles.?When I met Miss Grumblethorpe bn
nvy way to breakfast, sho declared tho disguise
was capital, telling me, at tho same time, that
her father had arrived, and was in the- broak
fast room, I was formally introduced, and by
the way tKat ho received me, it r?a? evident h?
had bot recognized mo m.thorle^^r. Tj:j?.
I " AI w ay e gl ad: to. fioc Toiu'tf Irfefcdjtf/ &&&&
rfdboj, ihuqqite fa; .?ne?7ftrtli^^ ?$Pfe?fli:
goodness} h?I 'doesn't: choose' for Widpaniynr
such puppios'ns. th'oso who insulted1 rpo.',' ye$te*"f
day. I wonder .whether tb?j[ .c^to^^^/^K*?*
selves gentlemen ?" . _
i In this strain he continued to talk uli break-?
fast time, wh ilst I answered with perfect gravity,
not daring to look at Minnie, for 1-1%.sure (eho
waa enjoyibg thppoko?. )! b>jw*{ Ittd^A ?
My story is nearly oV<?trfor (l,tyop\ ;jppp?-p?
the day in toachiog.Miudio, . I;als.&;accpmpau'
i?d her tho next evening to., a J^taifrts?f?/dJ1
found she could move more quiqkly atld'graeo-- ?
fully than on the ice. ? fa r,fi{tnm
* * * ? ?* ?; ??: .* ?' ?% ?Jv.m-iAi
T alii now married, irind though 1 have since'
grown my whiskers, my father-iitdnwi has
never suspected that I itas ut\us yottfig" Jfct&a^
'napes that tmbdte- Mm- mfce lor a tram-/' (lie baa"
never mentioned that burnt cork business) UU<rt'
has been.so kind to me that I have heaTtily're
pented of it. ' ; frihbol i.-h-Mni rwttt "Sevhp
Ii' ' I ' i ftj i in (Iif i iiinin ? mir'lTil ?
HUM 0 R 0r WtHf, fl
"Is there any person you would" p^tdiilariy
wish me to marry 7" said a widow''expcfc&int
to her dying spouso, who had Bccii vtionre4rtuft-''
of a tyrant in his day. "Marry:' th^'ftrfit; 1f'
you like," was tho gruff" roply.?'?'??hV1 'no,?&$> '
dear,, you know it is not- lawful11?' imug6y?,'tw&'
brothers." 1 ; ftfc
- mm tail : I ?fd N ,oit
An elderly gentleman, -traveling in n stago*
coach, was amused by tho constant tire.,of yMpdV
kept up between two- ladles. One of cthcm, a>\
last, kindly inquired if their conversation did1
not make his head ache, when ho answered,
with a great deal of nmvote-y "N% nrafam.I
hay e been married 28 years I'* f; >' .^l'.
Not many days ago a young lady from the'
country went into the store of a merchant uot '
a thousand miles from Columbia, and asked if
he wished to purchase a couple- di ???ier>3, at*
tho- same time- throwing a pair of live, one^oo.*
the counter. wft fen
"Why, yes," ho replied; "but will ^hoy,Jaj?'
there," meaning would they remain on tho'
rnnt?1H?-t*vr rnvntnui. o . ? ?.> f-y-V.v-?r ???
"Lay there!" archly retorted tho fjtfti-'
beauty ; "No sir! they wont, lay nc
Them's roosters !" ? ?.. b; - M'T?\ ?.4.%
. ? ?. ? ?T .; n.r??
Good.?It seems that wc vo awoman or.two^
in tho city who are capable of handling ' Iber
reigns of government, as will bo sh^wtinIbya
what follows : . ?
"Our reporter was around hunting a house*
for a friend, and called to see a family who'
were preparing to vacate a cosy dwelling.' ^ ^
As the door stood open, reporter walked in
without knocking, and Ivb eye? straightway
lighted on the domo of the horrsrfnM' wl-.b' wW
making frantic lunges with a brodlustick at"
some object uuder the bed. . ! . ,u'.: 'un
''Good morning,-madam. Ah! you' have'a,?
t^oublesomc cut under the bed ?" *-y^?
4,Troublesomo cat ??no sir 1 It is trthtirfeuk^
ing husband of min? j and I'll have him oui vr*
break every bouo in his body !"
"You will, oh !" said a faint voice under tW"
bed. "Now, Susy, j'ou may rave nnd':."jwrih-dr
and rave, but I'll bo dogged if I'll comB^p?t'
from under this bed while I've got tho spirit of
a man about mo-"? Waynubpro Time*, .. ,.- ,
DroTers vs. Fops. u .mjj'
Pinner was spread in the cabin of tho^ ji?cr
less steamer, the New World, and a splendid
company were assembled about thof (topK*
Among the passengers thus prepared for go's-'
tronomic duty was a little creature of the genius,"
Fop, deckeu daintily as ah early butteFfly 'with
kids of irreproachable whiteness, "miruclouV"
neck tic and spider like quizzing glass on his
nose. The delicate animal turned his head
affectedly asido with?
"Waitah?" tool I
"Sah?" u y e. i-^n
"Bwing me a pwopollah of a fwomtrle"
woostah!" ' ''' w ?Mt
"Yis sah !"
"And Waitah, tell tho steward tp wub, \tny
plate with a wcgetablc called onion, which wjj}
givo a delicious flavaw to my dinnah." (-'r.'?xt
While tho refined exquisite was giving
order, a jolly western drovor had listened with
open mouth and protruding eyes. When the
diminutive creature paused, he brought his
fist down upon tho table wHh u forco that
made every dish bounce aud then tuundercd
"Here! .you gaul darned aco-of-spades !'r~.
"Yis, sah."
"Bring hie a thuudcring big plato of skunk's
gizzards!" ' ,u
'"Sah?" iff
/ "And an old ink pot; tiick a h?Ys? .fcfehfclA
utidcr my chin, and tub nie down 'wlth'"^*:!!
bats while I feed ?* ' '5" hvi' ?fr tti
The poor dandy showetT a "ykft W'sMIgtot
tails instanter; n?a ^lO^Hd&'WHlb11 ^'Mvtcdftf a>
-Ucuienjus rdar." ... .j,,^.,,

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