Newspaper Page Text
^ College of Lovem
grees, is the Very 1
Hereafter when a youpg man throws -
himself at the feet of * youog woman
flQd pleads in ardent terms tho depth
o' his love for ber he moy be asked to
6bow his certificate, says tho Chicago
Tribune. Loveraok?og is to be eleva
ted to the plane of the science. A
college has been established in At
wood, Tenn., where degrees will be
conferred, and if in the futuro yon
cote JD. I?, after a name yon will know
the person bearing it has been a stu
dent there. The letters D. L. stand
for Doctor bf Love, and that is what
Prof. T. J. Brooks, who has estab
lished the school, proposes to make of
all those who enroll their names on his
The unique seat of love training is
knuwn as the College of Courtship.
Thc aim of the founder is to help ail
those whose amatory education has
been neglected. He bas surrounded
himself with acorns of competent in
structors and is ready for the Spring
Students in the College of Courtship
will be taken through several degrees
before they become Doctors of Love.;
Thc college course is to consist of four
terms. There will be an eleotive course
for the degree of Bachelor of Hearts,
to consist of three terms, as well as a
post-graduate QQWlse for tie degree of
In the freshmen term the studies,
which are mostly non-eleotive, will
consist of recitations and lectures
upon meteorology, language, tokens,
diagnosis, driving with one hand-in
cluding tho choice of a horse-botany,
deportment, finance-as applied to can
dy, flowers and theatre tickets-the
management of gas jets and the control
DETAILS OF THE CURRICULUM.
During the second term the students
will take up the art of salutation, sty ie
in letter writing, engagement rings,
thc management of younger brothers,
the dangers of the tintype and ?h** law
of breach of promise. During this
term, too, attention will he paid td
general outdoor work, and there will
he moonlight excursions and visits of
observation to the parks.
In the senior year the prescribed
studies will follow the same general
line, but in addition etch student will
be required to show familiarity with
his or her studies and must be able to
satisfy the examinersin the three sub
jects of "ability to arouse interest, the
discouragement of rivalry and the art
of expressing affection." The degree
of Bachelor of Hearts will only be
granted when a student oan bring for
ward a girl who believes in him under
all circumstances, while the post-grad
uate degree of Experimental Bene
dicts will only be conferred upon grad
uates of the college who, after a year
of marriage can display certificates,
signed by their wives, making affida
vit that they have never regretted
FEW UNDERSTAND LOVEMAKING.
The plan of the College of Co ur tah ip
is based on Prof. Brooks' belief that
the average young man does not know
how to make love to the average
young woman and that the young wo
man of to-day does not understand the
art of being loved by the modern young
man. In his opinion the manifestation
of love, of tenderness (and of devotion
?re matters which oan be taught to
those whose bashfulness o.- lack of
initiative prevents them from s?eking
their affiinty in love. Spontaneity is
all very well for thoBe who have it,
says Prof. Brooks, but for thos2 who
are without this accomplishment a
course of scientific lovemaking is the
The chief ?object of the faculty of
the College of Courtship will be to re
duce lovemaking to an exaot science.
The matter has been so carefully stud
ied hy the skilled psychologists at
tached to the oollcge tb?.t they* are
now able to predioate, with mathemat
ical exactness, just what a girl will do
under certain circumstances and what
reply she will make to the preliminary
advances of a student of the opposite
Rex who follows the prescribed course
in his lovemaking.
MISTAKEN IDEAS ABOUT GIRLS.
The faculty particularly . wieheB t?
rid the publie mind of certain set no
tions concerning girls and their ways
which they believe to be erroneous.
For instance, they wish the students
early in their freshmen year, to aban
don the idea that the average girl
doesn't know her own mind for two
minntes together. Professor Brooks
says that as a result df only two
months' instruction at the College of
Courtship he is now able to exhibit
several girl students who can main
tain a decision for 30 minutes without
winking or drawing a fresh breath.
He hopes to be able to in?rense this
period of endurance to an hour later
?king, to Confer De*
STewest Thing Out.
on. Professor Brooks is equally proud
of another student of the same sex,
who, when asked her age, will tell it
correctly, instead of saying: "How old
do yon think I am?" These two in
stances, he says, afford valuable evi
dence of the work that can be accom
plished by soientifio instruction in the
preliminaries of lovemaking.
LECTURE UPON LANGUAGE.
The work of developing bia ability
in both sexes is begun early in the
freshman year, when lectures uppn
"Languages" are delivered. The book
upon this subject was especially pre
pared for the classes by Professor Ad
dleit, author of that well-known mon
ograph entitled, "Studies in the Molar
Dentition of Ducks." The objeot of
the work is to provide a series of care
fully planned conversations, so that
students, while reciting their lessons
in pairs, will bo enabled to make love
to one another in the proper, scientific
and collegiate way. Under the cap
tion of "H)w to Make Love to a
Bed-Headed Girl," for instance,
the following improving dialogue is
He-How beautiful your hair looks
with the sun upon it. It reminds me
of spun gold.
She-Do you really think so?
He-Of course I do. I always liked
She-Well, I admire your eloquence!
Bed, indeed. My hair is not red. It's
only red-brown. (She pulls t braid
over the forehead and shows it.) Look
at that! Do you mean to oall that
He Hooking in her eyes)-I don't
see how I ever Came to make suoh a
mistake. Of course it isn't red. It is
just the color of your eye?
[Note to student-If her eyes are
blue, omit preceding sentence and use
He (continuing)-And now that you
have lowered your eyes I see that your
hair is just the same as your eyelashes
and eyelids. Do you know that it is
rare and pretty to see people whose
hair, eyes, eyebrows and lashes are all
the same color?
[Note to student-If her eyelashes
and eyebrows are red you are up
against it. Get another girl.]
He-I'll say "Thank you," too, if
you will give me a little bit of that
He-What does a man ever want a
girl's hair for?'
She-Well, I don't always know. A
man asked me for a bit of my hair
once and I found out afterward that
he wanted to make fishing flies out of
He-r-Well, he was wise. What fish
eould resist taking that bait?
She-That's not bad-for you. Next
time I have a pair of scissors I'll give
you a bait?
He-Well, here's your chanoe.
(Produoes folding scissors.)
(She takes them and snips of a small
She-Now, what good is that to
He-I'll wear it next my heart.
[Note to the student-Be careful
not to put things into the hip pock
ets. It will spoil the object of the
PREPARED FOR ALL CONTINGENCIES.
The succeeding steps of this partic
ular lesson carry the red-headed stu
dent and her official suitor through an
interesting and ingenious course of
dialogue and then to a proposal and
acceptance. The careful use of this
text hook, it is claimed, is calculated
to give assurance to even the most
bashful student. The lessons are so
arranged that every contingency, both
of complexion and disposition, are
provided for. The student who has
made conscientious progress through
this work will, in the opinion of the
faculty, he so well equipped with the
requisites to scientific love-making
that he will have no'difiioulty in strik
ing a progressive conversation with
any young woman he .may he attract
ed, while a woman student, who haB
been brough the book will find it easy
to make properly coy yet enticing re
plies to any suitor who may present
In all other points the instruction
to be given in scientific love-making
will be equally thorough. Tho objeot
of the "College of Courtship'* is to im
part a finished style to the love-mak
ing of its students. No graduate of
thc institute, for' instance, will ever
need to descend to such subterfuges
as saying, "If you love mc, squeeze
my hand!" He will know how to ob
tain au avowal by methods that are
less crude. Lessons will be given
also in the language of flowers and of
stamps. These lectures will bo fin
ished productions, having nothing in
common with "Thc ros?is red, the
violet's blue, pickles are green-" and
the rest of that ridiculous and anti
quated school. Modern science de
mands better things in love, says
Professor Brooks, and it will be the
object of the institution to develop in
its pupils the highest grade of ari in
USE OF THE HUG TESTER.
As far as posible the students will
be exercised withont apparatus, but
members of the faculty have devised
several testing machines of such un
doubted value that they will be used
i n th? eerrieolosfc Qceof the best of
theso, devised by irtoifessor Stringer,
is known as the "hug tester/' ?t con
sists of a dressmaker's dummy, to the
top of which is affixed a dial resem
bling that used on weighing maohiooe.
By an ingenuous arrangement of
springs attached to the waist of the
figures the exact value of a hug in
pounds avoirdupois can be estimated
to a nicety. By its use Professor
Stringer hopes to develop tn the proper
extent the arms of those young men
whose hugs have hitherto lacked
strength, while at the same time the
maohine will enable him to keep a
watch upon those muscular persons
who are unaware, perhaps, of the en
ergy they are emplr jg. These will
be warned of their excess and will be
shown the proper amount of pressure
to exert. They will then be exercised
upon the machine until they are per
fect in the art. Professor Stringei
mentions the sad case of a young man
-not a student of the college-who,
upon belog accepted by the young wo
man to whom he was paying atten
tion, craoked three of her ribs in hit
misguided efforts to bo affectionate
Professor Stringer says the incident
affected him so muob that he at ono<
set about the invention of a machine
whioh should obviate such accident;
in the future.
Prof. Brooks says that the result
of his observation shows that there ar:
30,000,000 married people in the Uni
ted States. The majority of these
says the founder of the College o;
Courtship, are unhappy they are en
during the life rather than enjoyin;
it. This, he believes, is a conditioi
whieU could be entirely prevented i
the 30,0?u,uuu nad been graduate?
from his institution.
The College of Courtship at At
wood, Tenn., is now open for the re
ception of students, either for the reg
ular or post-graduate course. Theist
ter, necessarily, is for married peoph
It is designed to show quarrelsom
couples the errors of their ways h
causing them to take a speoial coure
of instruction in good temper. Profei
sor Brooks says he expects there wi
be a great demand for the graduates <
his college. Several scholarships wi
be granted to deserving young peop
I who do not yet know how to mal
Light on the Question.
j A short time ago a large factor
fitted with electric lights, caught c
fire, and in spite of the efforts of tl
fire brigade, was almost demolishe
The following morning a ne wi y-a
pointed member of the police for
was dispatched to the spot with
view to ascertaining how the fire ori
After olosely interrogating the ma
ager of the faotory, he asked to 3
the man who was responsible for tl
electric light. The manager stat
that the eleotric switches were und
his sole oontrol.
Polioeman-Then you are the m
who lights np the electric affair?
Manager-That is so.
Polioeman (bubbling over with <
oitement)-Now, be careful how y
answer my next question, 'cos if i
Satisfactory it will le took as e
dence against you. When you light
the electric light last night, where <
you throw the match?
- ??? am
Sciatic Rheumatism Cured After I
teen Years of Suffering.
"I have been afflicted with scit
rheumatism for fourteen years." si
Josh Edgar, of Germantown, Cal.
was able to bo around but constan
suffered. I tried everything I co
hear of and at last was told to
Chamberlain's Pain Balm, whioh I
and was immediately relieved and i
short time oured, and I am happy
say it has not since returned." V
not uso this liniment and get well?
is for sale by Orr-Gray Drug Co.
- ..Yes," said his wife, pe tul an
"if I don't get the bonnet I want
keop you in hot water." "T
you'll find I'm like an egg, and t
hot water will harden me."
Stops the Cough and Works off
Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets <
a cold in ono day. Np cure, No 1
Pri?e 25 cents.
- The Lion Bridge, near Sangi
in China is the longest in the wo
Doing five and one-quarter miles f
end to end. The roadway i? sevc
feet above water.
Thia Signatare Ja on every box ot the gen
Laxative Brono^uimne T*M
the remedy that earea m ?old tn. csa*
- If people could bc young witl
being green and sentimental, witl
being soft, the world would bo at
. mercy of youth.
Do Mea Understand Women.
A man oan very seldom tell what is
passing in a woman's mind. He talks
with another man and he can follow
his processes, he gets his point of
view; he oan read between the lines;
he can make a shrewd guess as to how
he esme to say that, or why he re
frained from saying the other, says
But a woman's mental prooeBses are
not those of a man. Her mental ma
chinery is geared differently. You
hear- v*hst she tells you. You can
make inferences from it; they will be
wrong, because you do not knowhow'
she oame to say what she did; you do
not have the clew. Try to guess what
she will say next and you will find
that you are all at sea.
The man who says that he under
stands woman is himself a woman
He may love her. There may exist
between his soul and hers that inde
finable and celestial sympathy whioh
is the sweetest thing on earth; but
he does not understand her.
Her mental operation, her ways of
? thought, her point of view will always
be as inscrutable to him as the montai
processes of au angol. Whether wo
men understand each other is not
quite certain. A greater part of tho
delight thftt men find in the compan
ionship of women arises from their
inscrutability. You cannot measure
or exhaust them.
Their charming inconsequence, as
they seem to you, will never cease to
puzzle you and every fresh conversa
tion reveals a novelty of attitude or
As Clever As Solomon.
. Every Child Her Own Solomon"
is a text that may come up for discus
sion in some of the clubs after the
color question is disposed of now that
little Miss Kohlsaat has argued and
won a case of her own. Tho little
girl lost a much-beloved pet dog
some time back, and recently saw it
riding in a carriage with a handsome
ly gowned woman. The carriage was
going very slowly, and near the pave
ment, and the little girl delightedly
called her pet by name. With a
whine or joy the animal sprang from
the vehicle and, running to little Miss
Kohlsaat, began jumping about her
and licking her hands for sheer joy.
"You can't have my dog, little
girl," called the woman from her car
riage, which had now drawn rein be
side the curb.
"But this is my dog," said little Miss
"No, it is my dog," said the wo
"I'll prove that it is minc," replied
little Miss Kohlsaat with the blood
born of determination aud justice.
By this time quite a crowd of chil
dren and passers-by had collected, and
the girl, with the dog in her arms,
faoed her antagonist as a lawyer faces
"Cau-your Jog stand up and beg?"
."Yee," answered the woman.
"Cen he jump through a hoop?"
"Can he lie down and play dead?"
"Can he dance on his hind feet?"
"Can he say hiB prayers?"
Closing her arms tightly about the
dog and starting to walk away the
ohild eried triumphantly:
"Well, my dog can't. He is mine
And she won.
- To get old gracefully isas reason
able as to atop breathing cheerfully.
- When a strong man grows weak
it is a woman ho seeks for a crutch.
The treatment of Catarrh wit
astringent washes, lotions, salves, 1
and cigarettes or any external or loi
just as senseless as would be kindlin
the pot to make it boil. True, the?
relief, but the cavities and passages o
bronchial tubes soon fill up again wi
Taking cold is the first step towa
checks perspiration, and the pois
vapors which should pass off throi
thrown back upon the mucous membi
producing inflammation and excessi
m ?ch of which is absorbed into th
reaches every part of the system, invc
parts of the body. When the discs
becomes exceedingly foul, blinding
hearing affected and a constant ringi
not reach the polluted blood can cv
blood is aga
active, all the
pear, and a ?
S. S. S. being a strictly vegetable
Stomach and digestion, but the appcti
under its tonic effects. Write us abc
advice free. Book on blood and skin
THE undersigned, having succee
& Co., will continue it at the old etan
Repairing and Repainting prom]
We make a specialty of "Goody?
General Blacksmith and Woodw<
Only experienced and skilled woi
We have now ready for sale Hi
that we especially invite your attentio
We put on Goodyear Rubber Til
Church Street, Oppoaite Jail.
Same Adrice to Both.
Io passing judgment in the oases
of men arraigned at thc Central sta*
tion on charges of intoxication, Mag
istrate Cunningham, although he fre
quently reverses himself, offers to
each offender some sound advice.
Bill Jones, who had heen found
upon the public highway minus the
faculty of navigation, was arraigned
"Married or singlo?" asked the
"Single, sir," replied the shaking
"You ought to get married. If you
had a wife and family ' o occupy your
attention you would have no desire to
drink," said the magistrate. "I'll
discharge you; but I hope you'll give
to matrimony more thought than you
have to liquor."
John Smith, who had also been ar
rested for being intoxicated, was next
"Married or single, John?" queried
'.Married, your honor," was the
"Then you have no- business get
ting drunk. Drinking should bc dono
by single men who have uo family to
require their attention and cash. You
ought to have remained single, then
the damage you are doing would fall
upon you alone. Go home and think
it over."-Philadelphia Evening Tele
?mn o mm
No Color Line Drawn.
Lamar Landon, of Georgia, was
holding forth last week at an infor
mal reunion of the Southern Society
in Sherry's says the New York Times.
One of the talcs of the South that wat
told was this:
A northerner wh had never beet
below Mason and Dixon's line wen
down last winter. Guided througl
the oountry by au old negro, the*
reaohed the edge of a stream, and thi
traveler said to the darkey:
"What is that dark object in th
" 'Ob, dat's a alligatah, sah,' wa
"And what is that other dark thin]
over there on the sand?' was asked.
" 'Dats a alligatah, too, sah,' th
" 'Then these alligators of yours ar
amphibious creatures, are they?' quei
' ied thc northerner.
The old negro scratched his head
pondered deeply, finally smiled know
ingly, and answered:
"'Oh, yes, sah; yes, sah. 'Coursi
dey's amphibious. Dey eats niggeri
jest do same as white folks.' "
- A man can't help feeling pretty
important when he has just made i
fqt deposit in his bank aocount, oven
if he has ohecked it all out again thai
- Every time you forget to remem
ber to tell a woman you love her sh
forgets you do.
.Let tbe GOLD DUST twins do your workg
Slave if you will, but if you prefer to make haust
work easy, use
lt makes home brighter and care lighter.
Made only by THE N. K. FAIRBANK COMPANY
Chicago. New York. Boston. St. Louis.
Makers of OVAL FAIRY SOAP.
nedicated tobacco *^$ffi^^~^y??l
cal application, is ^^^"^7Mh
g a tire on top of ^"^^f^^^Rp
raneor inner skin, j^^r^^^^^S^^
ve flow of mucus, ^ami-*i ?WU I
e blood, and through the circulation
dving the Stomach, Kidneys and other
ise assumes the dry form, the breath
headaches are frequent, the eyes red,
ng in the ears. No remedy that docs
ire Catarrh. S. S. S. expels from the
i offensive matter, and when rich, pure
in coursing through the body, the
bran es become healthy and the skin
disagreeable, painful symptoms disap
>ermanent, thorough cure is effected.
blood purifier does not derange the
[te and general health rapidly improve
mt your case and get the best medical
diseases sent on application,
r SPECIFIC CO.. Atlanta, O au
WOODWORK SHOPS !
ided to the businers of Frank Johneo
d, and solicits the patronage of the publi*
jar," Rubber and Steel Horse Shoeinj
ome-made, Hand-raa?-> Farm Wagoi
s for business,
J. P. TODD.
P. G. BKOWS, E. A. SMYTH, n. A GAMHRUT V K _
COTTON SEED MEAL AND HULLS.
We are prepared to sell our customers Fertilizers of all kinds
and in any quantities.
We wish to call your sp?cial attention to our
16 per cont. Petrified Dissolved Bone,
Manufactured from Tennessee Phosphate Rock, also our
Standard Blood Ammoniated Guano.
All of our goods run high in the different ingredients, which are selected
with care, and are of the best quality. Ocr principal source of Ammo?a is
derived from Blood and Tankage.
e are also prepared* to ?ell you Cotton Seed Meal, Kaimt and Acid
Phosphate for fertilizing purposes.
We are importers of German Kainit, Muriate of Potash, Nitrate of Soda,
a full stock of which we have on hand at all times. We will make you a fair
exchange of any of the above named articles, also Meal and Hulls for feeding
purposes, for Cotton Seed at our various mill points.
Please call and see us end secure cur prices before placing your orders.
Thanking you for your past liberal patronage and encouraging words of
praise for the high quality and excellence of our goods, and wishing you ts
prosperous New Year, we remain, Yours truly,
_ANDERSON PHOSPHATE AND OIL CO., Anderson, S. C.
j V ? r g iiii a=C ar oMna
|! GlieaTiical Company,
CHAIiLESTQ?'f, S. C.
j RICHMOND, VJk.
1' "Largest Manufacturers ?f
! . Fertilisers in the South.
J' Importers of . . .
it Pui'e G^rm&n Kainit,
|j Muriato of Potash,
li Nitrats- of Soda,
jj Sulphate of Potash.
j It is important ia buying your fertilizers, not
!! only to buy goods of established reputation and high
j grade, but to buy where your wants of every
i character can be supplied.
i We are in position to furnish ail classes of
? gooch and in suchjquantities as buyers desire. It
M .v-v ' cu to sve us befare purchasing:,
j! Address Virginia*Carolina Chemical Co.,
jj Charleston. S. C.
PEOPLES FURNITURE CO.
S?LLS UP-TO-DATE FURNITURE.
KEEP in Stock the BEST F?RITTJRE for the MONEY to be found
in upper South Carolina.
Baby Carriages, Go Carts, Side Boards, Bed Room Suites,
And anything you want in the Furniture line.
? We keep an up-to-date HEARSE.
?ft. COFFINS and CASKETS furnished day or night.
PEOPLES FURNITURE 00.
Attention, Farmers !
We have just received one Car Load of
Fancy Winter Grazing Oats.
Come quick and secure somo of them before they are
O. D. ANDERSON & BRO.
?il A il TIT n I-YOU to know that I am offering PIANOS, OR
WAN I LU ! GANS and SEWING MACHINES AT
COST. I have in stock the very best that money can buy. A limited
nu mber of Standard Vibrator Sewing Machines for 821.00 each. Pianos
from 8140.00 to 8260 00. Remember, this is Cash, and remember, also, that
it is COST. No such opportunity has been offered the people of Anderson.
You can save fifty per cent by taking advantage of this sale.
Come to see me il you are looking for the BEST.
M. L. WILLIS, Next door Peoples Bank.
Some desirable Building Lots for sale.
o - W
Acme Paint and Cement Cure
Specially used on Tin Roofs
and Iron Work of any kind.
For sale by
ACME PAINT & CEMENT! CO.
F. B. GR AYTON & CO.,
Druggists, Anderson. S. C.