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THE DAILY DEMOCRAT
Edw. S. Hartcr Fred W. Gayer
Editors and Managers.
E d II. Dk La Court, JIgr. Advertising Dept
TIIK AKKOS DEMOCRAT COMPANY
Democrat Hlock, Ios. 133 and 137 Main t.
LOSG DISTANCE PHONE IK). .
OFFICERS ANI DIRECTORS.
rrWdent .JAMES V.AELSU
Heereiarv FrkdW. GAYER
TrasureV "1 WlIXIAST T. 8AWTER
KdV.S. 1IARTER JSO. MONAMARA
ED. H. 1E LA COURT.
Entered at the 1'ostofllce at Akron, Ohio, as
Second-Class Mall Matter.
Delivered Every Eenlng by Carrier Boy
5 CENTS A WEEK
By Mall tiJfl - - - L23 'or Six Months
Official Paper of the City of
TO TELEPHONE THE DEMOCRAT CALL
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 23J
Asb the friends of Bushnell and
and Foraker where are they?
The Democratic party believes in
treating the Filipinos like the
Some of the badges worn today
consist of a piece of yellow ribbon,
at the tail end of which dangles a
miniature brown jug. To be in ac
cord with the eternal fftness of
things a barrel should be alongside
the jug. And let it be labelled;
From the presentoutlook, Alliance
will not be depopulated Saturday
owing to the Republican campaign
opening at Akron. Alliance Leader.
And a bird's eye view at this end
of the line does not show Akron to
be over populated-especially by the
friends of Messrs. Bushnell and
The weather clerk proved to be a
very accommodating gentleman after
all, postponing an equinoctial storm
for the sake of Mr. Hanna's cam
paign opening. But perhaps the
weather clerk thought that if it was
going to be a "frost," he would take
care that they could not blame it
upon the weather. ,
Col.. Dick's political clearing
house was a long timeopeningtoday,
but it seems to be in full blast this
afternoon. Some of the Colonel's
political creditors, particularly those
whose only reward was an invitation
to shake the hand of Nash, are con
tent with a remarkably small divi
dend upon their, long standing
The Hon. John R. McLean's inter
view with the Pittsburg Post, reply
ing to Bourke Cockran's speech aa
the hired man of the trusts at the
Chicago Trust Conference, is pub
lished in full in our supplement to
day. No interview published in
years has attracted so much atten
tion as this one, so destructive as it
is of the" favorite claims of the
agents of the trusts andbe Gold
Standard. Read it.
WHY WE DID NOT JOIN IN.
Last Tuesday the typewritten
translation of an article that had ap
peared in the Akron German ia, at
tacking local officials of the North
ern Ohio Tractiop company, was sent
to the Democrat office with the re
quest that it be published.
The Democrat took no position in
respect to either side of the contro
versy because it did not be,lieve in
encouraging Akron's business men
to quarrel over the Street Fair. The
Fair was past. It had been an un
questioned success. So why should
the Democrat have added fuel to
the pent up flame of enmity and ill
feeling that may have had its origin
in the Street Fair project?
The editor of the Gennania makes
the Democrat's non-publication of
his article the pretext for an attack
hardly less severe than he has vis
ited upon the street railway officials.
Several days before the Akron
Street Fair was held, and before the
complaints in regard to running cars
through the Fair district had accum
ulated complaints in comparison
to which,, to use the reiterated state
ment of the Akron Germania, all
others were a "mere bagatelle," the
Democrat was invited to take part
in an organized attack upon the local
officials of the Northern Ohio Trac
tion company. The attack was not
to begin until after the Fair.
The Akron Germania cannot com
pel the Democrat to join in any at
tack that savors of persecution or
blackmail. The Democrat does not
approve of using its columns to fight
Tlie Democrat did not approve of
the running of cars through the
fair district, and told what it thought
of the matter at the time.
TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tab
lets. All "druggists refund the money
if it fails to cure. E. W. Grove's
signature is on each box. 25c. 1
PRACTICE DRILL Members of
the Akron polico force and Chief of
Police H. H. Harrison had a drill
and revolver practice at Lakesido
park Friday afternoon.. Many excel
lent scores were made.
Miss Margaret Colo of Conneaut
is the guest of Mrs. Chas. Cleveland
of South College st.
"PRODIGALITY OF PROMISE, .
PARSIMONY OF PERFORMANCE."
Mr. Theodore Roosevelt is to be the chief figure at the Republican cam
paign opening held in this city today. As an author of some note, as an
ex-office holder in various positions with a creditable record, as a bravo
soldier during his brief term of service, and as the chief magistrate of the
largest commonwealth of our union, Governor Roosevelt is entitled to, and
therefore will, receive a respectful welcome at the hands of our people,
without regard to partisan preferences.
The primary mission of Mr. Roosevelt among us is, however, to pro
mote the canQidacy of the Republican nominee for Governor of Ohio, and
to speak for, and commend to our citizens, the platform of his party
nHnnfprl hv tho ln.-fi Cobnnhns convention. His rjolitical views and con
duct,, therefore, both past and present, become fair subjects of discussion
His advocacv of that platform in all its parts, in the light of his own
former deliverances upon some ofjife
to hear, but just now some people who
last of the 19th century Republicanism
planks on the question of the civil
of each other, he will endorse as orthodox Republican doctrine upon that
matter. The real opinion of Mr. Roosevelt in this respect ought be of value
From 18S9 to 1895 he was a member of the National Civil Service Commis
sion, during which time his views upon this subject were advanced and
emphatic, and at once thereafter he had some interesting experience as one
of. or rather as the Police Commissioners of New York city; still later, as
Assistant Secretary of the Navy, he
the difference in efficiency between
public positions, and its influence, for
In all these relations it is believed that his uniform voice was in favor of
th reformed service, and it gave fortli
Tfc is. T think, creatlv to the discredit of the Democratic party that
it has not pronounced in favor of
litinal conduct, although one of its
author of the first formative legislation upon the subject, and it was a
Democratic President who did more
ally than all other agencies put together. But the Democratic organi
zation has never played the hypocrite by pretending to advocate this
cause, and then emasculating all force'out of it, and least of all has it
in tho same platform declared both for and against it.
The Republican policy, on the contrary, in this respect, as finally sum
med up in the Columbus platform and in the practice sure to follow up
onits endorsement this year at the polls, hae been, aud is, without par
allel for its duplicity and false pretense. It is a record of prodigality
of promise and parsimony of performance, of profusion of profession
and stringencv of practice, of an alluring bait to the mugwump and the
solid baked meats of the funeral to
the evidence of this assertion.
That the Republican party has for more than 20 years past posed as
the sponsor for, and the peculiar and unadulterated champion of n re
formed civil service is too clear for controversy or dispute. In 1876 its
national platform contained the following:
"5. Under the Constitution, the President and heads of de
partments are to make nominations for office, the Senate is to
advise and consent to appointment, aud tho House of Represent
atives is to accuse and prosecute faithless officers. The best
interest of the public servioe demand that these distinctions be re
spected; that Senators and Representatives who may be judges
and accusers should not dictate appointments to office. The in
variable rule in appointment should have reference to the honesty,
fidelity and capacity of the appointees, giving to the party in power
those places when harmony and vigor of administration require its
policy to be represented, but permitting all others to be filled by
persons selected with sole reference to the efficiency of the public
service, and tho right of all citizens to share in the honor of ren
dering faithfulservice to the country."
In 1880 the principle thus enunciated was stated anew and the party
pledged its efforts to carry it into execution in these words:
"9. The Republican party, adhering to a principle affirmed by
its last National convention, of respect for.the Constitutional rule
covering appointments to office, adopts the declaration of President
Hayes, that the reform of the civil service should be thorough, .
radical and complete."
In 1884 its platform declared that:
"The reform of the civil service so conspicuously begun under
Republican administration, should be completed by the further
extension of the reformed system already established by law, to all
- the grades of the service to which it is applicable. The spirit and
purpose of the reform should be observed in all executive appoint
ments, and all laws at variance with the object of existing reformed
legislation should be repealed, to the end that damage to free
institutions which lurks in the power of official patronage may be
wisely and effectively avoided."
In 18S8 it renewed its solemn vows on the subject so near to its heart,
and, with a parting curse to the mugwumps, said:
"The men who abandoned the Republican party in 1884, and
continue to adhere to the Democratic party, have deserted not only
the cause of honest government, of sound finance, of. freedom, of
purity of the ballot, but especially have deserted the cause of re
form in the civil service. We wiH not fail to keep our pledges be
cause they have broken theirs, or because their candidate has
broken his. We therefore repeat our declaration of 1884, towit:
'The reform of the civil service auspiciously begun under the
Republican administration should be completed by the further ex
tension of the reform systems already established by law to all the
grades of service to which it is applicable. The spirit and purpose
of the .reform should be observed in all executive appointments,
and all laws at variance with the object of existing reform legisla
tion should be repealed, to the end that the dangers to free institu
tions which lurk in the power of official patronage may be wisely
and effectively avoided.' "
Stillwater, in 1992, its declaration of principles contained a brief but
determined deliverance upon the same question, as follows. Mr. Roose
velt being at the time ono of the men to whom theexecution of the law
thus commended was especially confided:
"We commend the spirit and evidence of reform In the civil
service and the wise and consistent enforcement by the Republican
party of the laws relating to the same."
In the St. Louis convention of 189(5, no backward step (on paper) was
taken, and the" time-honored promise of reformatiom was not only re
peated, but an enlarged application of it was pledged, thus:
"Civil Service Reform. Tho Civil Service law wa placed on
the statute book by the Republic.m party, which has always sus
tained it, and we renew our repeated declarations that it shall be
thoroughlvand honestly enforced and extended wherever practicable."
"In his letter accepting the St.
adopted this plank of the platform of
inaugural address of March 4, 1897, he! reiterated his pledge in the follow
ing unmistakable words :
"Reform in the civil service must go on. But the changes
should be real and genuiue, not perfunctory or prompted by zeal in
behalf of any party because it happens to be in power.
"As a member of Congress I voted and spoke in favor of the
present law, and I shall attempt its enforcement in the spirit in
which it was enacted."
Thus much for Republican promises. Let us next look at Republican
Near the close of May last the Republican State convention for Ohio
was about to assemble at Columbus. Judge Nash was the candidate of
Hanna, which is but another way of saying that he was the candidato of
the National Administration. The opposition to him was serious, and
embracing as it did the young and energizing blood of the party, the Ad
ministration upon the merits of the contest was already beaten ji the
threshold of the convention. Something must be done to whip the recal
citrants into line. The spoilsmen had long been demanding a. retrograde
step in tho line of civil service reform. Grosvenor, the admitted mouth
piece of the Administration in the House of Representatives, had been loud
in denunciation of the'whole system ic- a fraud and a humbug, and the
Opens a New Liquor House, Corner
Main and Exchange.
Joo Polshek's Banuor Liquor
House, soutbest corner Miiiu and
Exchange sts., was. opened to the
phases, would be an interesting thing
have read this declaration or tne
are curious to know which of its two
service, which are merely destructive
had abundant opportunity to find out
partisan and non-partisan work in
good or ill, upon the public welfare
no doubtful sound at any time.
civil sen-ice reform as a rule of po
most illustrious members was the
to energize and extend it practic
the politician. Now let us look at
Louis nomination Mr. McKinley
his party unconditionally, and in his
public in a most auspicious manner
today. Not only was a fine lunoh
given witli every glass of beer sold,
but to every purchaser of 50 cents
worth of goods, a numberod ticket,
entitling the holder to a prize was
presented. Three hundred dollors
worth of prizes will be given awav
during next week. Mr. Polshek
public mind was thus educated up to what Mr. Hanna had predetermined
in this respect. Mr. McKinley, standing in righteous fear of the eastern
"reformers," among whom Governor Roosevelt had been one of the apos
tles, for a long time, that is as long as he could, hesitated and temporized
aud exhibited his characteristic infirmity of purpose in putting off final
action. But as the time for the Columbus convention drew near putting
off would no longer do. A smell of the loaves and fishes was a necessary
bait to allure the faithful to desert the candidates to whom they were
pledged, and to come into the Administration camp. And it was forth
coming. Mark Hanna's little finger was thicker than the loins of the law,
and his demand was potent enough to cause an unblushing breach of near
a generation of solemn promises. McKinley knew that the spoilsmen
wanted an abrogation of civil service rules, aud they wanted it badly and
wanted it right away. For once he had to do something. To be sure the
mugwumps would be offended, but he knew too that he would not want
their assistance before next year, at which time, by "holding up" all cur
rency legislation, he could again "throw a scare" into the campaign and
so bring them back to their allegiance; whereas the prospective converts
to Nash had to be settled with at once. Hanna sent forth hjs rescript, and
the response that came from the White House appeared in the press dis
patches as follows:
' "Washington, May 28. President McKinley today issued an
order removing absolutely from the operation of the civil service
law about 5,000 of the most important places among the 65,000 in
. the classified lists.
"These include hundreds of places that pay good salaries and
should be and are now filled by men who are especially qualified
for the duties.
"Mr. McKinley has so modified the rules that it is now possible
to appoint "the faithful to laborers' positions without examination
and then advance them to any position however high, without hav
ing to pass competitive examination.
"The order of the president is an indirect nullification of practi
cally the whole civil service system."
It afterwards turned out that the only mistake in this statement was
that Mr. McKinley's order withdrew from the operation of the" civil service
rules only 5,000 places. According to the report of the reform league the
number was 10,000.
Without comment on the discrepancy between ante-election promises
and this yielding to partisan demands after election was over and the
usufruct safely garnered in, I come to
formance from pledges.
In less than a week after this executive order was issued the Columbus
convention nominated Nash, and likewise adopted a platform. This con
tained two deliverances, one at the head and the other near the tail of it.
The first was in these words:
"The Republican party of Ohio reaffirms the principles declared
by the St. Louis platform."
And the other reads thus:
"We commend the President for the judicious modification of
the civil service rules, recently promulgated."
Here then we have, embodied in the same declaration of political doc
trine, an unequivocal promise, by its adoption of the St. Louis platform,
that the civil service law shall be maintained and extended, followed by
a commendation of tho breaking down of that law and narrowing its
sphere of operation. The party mechanics who framed this platform and
put it together, either assumed (hat tin- rank and file would swallow their
political provender with no questions asked, or they presumed upon their
ignorance of thf reciprocally destructive character of these two deliver
ances. And they were right in po concluding, for the convention cheered
equally lustily when each was read. They hurrahed for the pledge of civil
service reform, and they hurrahed over its violation; they were for it
and they were against it; they commended it, and in the sa.ne breath
they denounced it. And that is the Republican creed which the voters of
Ohio are asked to adopt and vote for.
Which one of theso declarations will Mr. Roosevelt endorse in his
speech today? It is hard to see how he can support both. They are
irreconciliable and destructive of eacii other. Nevertheless -he "comes
here to advocate that platform as an entirety; it will require skillful carv
ing to do so.
ROOSEVELT'S RECORD ON CIVIL SERVICE.
If we were to rely on his former utterances made before he too became
a politician there would be no doubt as to his position.
In those days Mr. Roosevelt wrote a life of Thomas H. Benton, in
which, on pages il and 72, he uses this vigorous language:
"Jackson's administration derives a most unenviable notoriety
as being the one under which the 'spoils system' became, for the
first time, grafted on the civil service of the nation; appointments
and removals in the public service being made dependent upon
political qualifications, and not, as hitherto, upon meritor capacity.
Tiie greatest single stroke in its favor had been done at
the instigation of Crawfoca, when that scheming politician was
seeking the Presidency, and, to further his ends, he procured the
passage by Congress of a law limiting the term of service of all
public officials to four years, thus turning out of office all the fifty
thousand public servants during each presidential term. This law
has never been repealed, every low politician being vitally interested in
hetping it as it is, and accordingly it is to be found on the statute
books at the present day; and tht.ugh it has the empany of some
other very bad measures, it still regains very much the worst of all,
as regards both the evil it has done and that which it is still doing."
Again, on pages 74 and 75, the aroused and indignant civil service
reformer goes on to say:
i perfect reign of terror ensued among
the office-holders. Appointments were made with little' or
no attention to fitness, or even honesty, but solely because of per
sonal or political services. Removals were not made in accordance
with any known rule at all ; the most frivolous pretexts were suffi
cient, if advanced by useful politiciani n-hu needed places already held
by capable incumbents. Spying and tale-bearing bf-came promi
nent features of official lite, the meaner office-holders trying to
save their own heads by denouncing others. The very best men
were unceremoniously and caut,eli'Sly dismissed. Indeed,
it was upon the best and most efficient men that the blow fell heav
iest; the spies, tale-bearers and trickster often retained their positions."
Still further, on pages 76 and 77, he says:
"In the 'Thirty Years' View' he (Benton) again writes, in
language which would be appropriate from every advanced civil
service reformer of the present day, that is, from every disinterested
man irho has studied the workings of the 'rpoils system' with any intelli
gence: 'I consider sweeping removals, as now practiced by both
parties, a great political evil in our country, injurious to individ
uals, to the public service, to the purity of elections, and to the
harmony and union of the people. It converts elections
into scrambles fo- office, ana degrades the irovernment into an office
for rewards and punishments; and divides the people of the union
into adverse parties, each in its turn, and as it becomes dominant,
to strip and proscribe the other.' "
WHERE DOES ROOSEVELT STAND NOW ?
ery much more to the same purport, and in equally denunciatory
language, is to be found in the same book. The reader cannot mistake the
then opinion of the writer of it in regard to a line of policy which the Co
lumbus platform at once commands and condemns. Wo shall see which
horn Mr. Roosevelt will take.
His position in this respect has an added importance from the fact
that he is the reputed residuary legatee of Mr. McKinloy for the presi
dency five years hence. This arrangement, if there is an arrangement,
partakes of the nature of the temptation of the mountain, the promisor in
either case having no title to the thing promised, and in regard to which
tho people in 1901 nmy have sjmethiug to say; but on account, of it a
greater interest will be felt in knowing whether Mr. Roosevelt with tho
presidency in prospect" is still tho vigorous and plain-spoken civil service
reformer that the author of tho life of Benton was, or whether ho advo
cates the first or the second deolara'tiou of the Columbus platform upon
the subject. He is also the author of an address denominated "A Strenu
ous Life," and being a "strenuous" man, it is not to be supposed that he
will avoid advocating either. Hojs known to hate hypocrisy. It remains
to 1)0 seen whether he will approve of a declaration so hypocritical that it
can be read to directly opposite conclusions.
comes to Akron from Colnmbus. Ho
has had large experience in the
liquor businot-sand it is his intention
to conduct a first-class, up-to-date
wholesale and retail liquor house.
Mrs. Chas. Harbaugh of Mansfield
is visiting at tho homo of Dr. S. H.
state a still-wider divergence of per
Notice to Democrats.
There will bo a special meeting of
the Akron Democratic Club at head
quarters next Wednesday evening.
Every Democrat in the city is urged
to attend. John McBbidb,
Fiftieth Anniversary of
Friends of Mr. and Mrs. Lotan Hartle
At noon Tuesday, September 19,
the home of Mr. and Mrs. Lotan
Hartle of Stow Corners was the
scene of a very pleasant social gath
ering, their frieuds and neighbors
having assembled to celebrate the
golden wedding anniversary of Mr.
and Mrs. Hartle's marriage.
Since September 19, 1849. they
have traveled life's journey as man
About 100 guests were'present, and
all enjoyed a hearty good time. Rev.
Win. J. Crum, pastor of the Stow
church, was present to assist in re
ceiving and welcoming the guests in
behalf of the bride and groom of 50
years ago. The house was tastefully
decorated with golden rod, autumn
leaves and clusters of grapes, pre
senting a very beautiful appear
ance. When the guests were taking seats
arround the dinner tableon which a
bountiful repast had been spread,
Elder L. Southmayd of Akron, es
corted Mr. and Mrs. Hartle to two
beautiful rockers, presents from
Elder Southmayd also delivered
some appropriate remarks relative to
marriage, a pleasant life and tho
grandeur of golden wedding anni
versaries. He was followed by Rev,
F. M. Green of stow, who offered a
fervent prayer, after which the ex
cellent dinner was served. The so
ciability at the table was most en
joyable, giving an especial relish to
Among the guests present were:
Mr. and Mrs. E. J. Jones and daugh
ter, Columbus; Will Cruise, Cleve
land; Mr. and Mrs. Chittendon, Mrs.
Foster and Miss Wilcox, Hudson,
relatives of the bride, and many
others from Akron. Cuyahoga Falls
Elder L. Southmayd and wifu of
Akron, were present jit the marriage
of Mr. and Mrs. Hartle. 50 years ago.
After spending si few pleasant
hours in social chat, the friends left,
leaving as tokens of their regard for
the memorable brido and groom,
many beautiful gifts of 'gold, silver,
hand-painted china and many other
Ladies Auxiliary of the
Will Ask For Donations During Fair
Week Articles Needed.
The Ladies' Auxiliary to the City
Hospital Board has decided to ask
that Thursday, Friday and Saturday,
oounty fair week, be regarded as a
season for making donations to the
City Hospital. n
The idea of asking for donations
on those days was suggested by the
fact that many out-of-town people
will have food articles, fruts, cereals,
etc.,. on exhibition at the fair, and
rather than take them home would
willingly contribute them to the hos
pital. It is hoped that everybody
will donate something on the days
designated. Ladies will be at the
hospital to receive donations, and
show visitors through the building.
A list of acceptable articles follows :
Money, all kinds of vegetables,
fresh or canned,., tea, coffee, sugar,
Hour, all kinds of cereals, crackers,
chocolate, cocoa, corn starch, gela
tine, pickles, jelly, jam, soap, wash
ing powder, baking powder, starch;
in fact, anything in the line of house
hold supplies. Also uuder clothing
for men and women, stockiugs,
socks, towols, rolls of old muslin,
All persons desiring to contribute
anything will kindly send their
name along with donation, so that
names of donors and their donations
may be published in tho annual re
port of the auxiliary society.
Donation week for hospitals has
become quite a prominent custom
throughout the country, and its pro
moters hope for its success in Akron.
Officers of the ladies' auxilliary
are: President, Mrs. J. M. Beck;
vice-president, Mrs. Henriottn D.
Ganter; seefmd vico-president, Mrs.
George W. Plunior: secretary. Mrs.
Ira M. Miller; treasurer, Mrs. Louisa
Tho City Hospital, durint: tho nast
year, has done much good, many pa
tients Having noon given caro and
RUINOUS TO LABOR
Would Prove the Annexation
of the Philippines.
G0MPERS' APT NOTE'OF WARNING.
Coolies Would Swarm Into the United
States, and Engulf Our People and
Our Very Civilization Colonial Ex
pansion the Death Kuell of the
American Wage Earner.
Having "wen Invited to deliver an ad
dress by the national committee of the
Chicago peace jubilee in connection
with that event in Chicago, Ills., Oct
S, 1898, the presitent of the American
Federation of Labor, Mr. Samuel Gom
pers, delivered the address from which
theso extracts are taken:
"A 'foreign war as a cure for domes
tic discontent' has been the device of
tyrants and false counselors from time
immemorial, but it has always led to
a Waterloo, a Sedan, to certain decad
ence and often utter ruin. In our coun
try we are perhaps too powerful to in
cur outside disaster; but we shall cer
tainly court worse evils at home if we
try to benumb the nation's sense of
justice and love of right, and prevent
It from striving earnestly to correct -all
"If the Philippines are annexed what
is to prevent the Chinese, the Negritos
and the Malays coming to our country?
How can we prevent the Chinese coo
lies from going to the Philippines and
from there swarm into the United
States and engulf our people and our
civilization? If these new islands are
to become ours, it will be either under
the form of territories or states. Can
we hope to close the floodgates of im
migration from the hordes of Chinese
and the semi-savage races coming from
what will then be part of our own
country? Certainly, if we are to retain
the principles of law enunciated from
the foundation of our government, no
legislation of such a character can he
"In a country such as ours the 'con
ditions and opportunities of the wage
earners are profoundly affected by the
view of the worth or dignity of men
who earn their bread by the work of
their hands. The progress and improve
ment in the condition of the wage-
earners in the former slave states have
been seriously obstructed by decades in
which manual labor and slave labor
were identical. The south now, with
difficulty, respects labor, because labor
Is the condition of those who were
formerly slaves, and this fact operates
potentially against any effort to secure
social justice by legislative action or
organized movement of the workers. If
these facts have operated so effectually
to nrevent necessary changes in the
condition of our own people, how diffi
cult will it be to quicken our conscience
so as to secure social and legislative
relief for the semi-savage slave or con
tract laborers of the conquered
Expounds Micidly the Conditions In
"I know what I'd do if I was Mack,"
said Mr. Hennessy. "I'd hist a flag
over th' Ph'lippeens, an' I'd take in th'
whole lot iv thim."
"An' yet," said Mr. Dooley, "Us not
more thin two months since ye larned
whether they were islands or canned
goods. If yer son Packy was to ask ye
where th' Ph'lippeens is, cud ye give
him any good Idea whether they was
In Hooshia or jus' west iv th' thracks?"
"Mebbe I cudden't,"said Mr. Hennes"
sy, haughtily, "but I'm f'r takin' thim
"So might I be," said Mr. Dooley, "If
I cud on'y get me mind on It. Wan iv
the worst things about this here war
Is th' way It's makln' puzzles fr our
poor, tired heads..
"I've been r-readin' about th' coun
thry, full Iv goold an' precious stones,
where th' people can pick dinner off th'
threes, an'rar're starvin' because they
have no step-ladders. Th' inhabitants
is mostly naygurs an' Chinnymen,
peaceful, Industhrus an' law-abidin.
but savage an' bloodthirsty in their
methods. They wear no clothes except
what they have on, an' each woman
has five husbands an' each man has
five wives. Th' r-rest goes into th' dis
card, th same as here. Th' islands has
been ownded by Spain since befure the
fire; an' she's threated them so well
they're now up in ar-rms again her,
except a majority iv thim which is
thurly loyal. Th' natives seldom fight,
but whin they git mad at one another
they r-run-a-muck. Whin a man runs
a-muck, sometimes they hang him an
sometimes they discharge him an" hire
a new motorman. Th' women ar're
beautiful, with langnishin' black eyes,
an' they smoke seeg-ars, but ar-re hur
ried an' incomplete in their dhress. I
see a pitcher iv wan th' other day with
nawthin' on her but a basket of cocoa
nuts an' a hoop skirt. They're no
prudes. We import juke, hemp, cigar
wrappers, sugar an' fairy tales fr'Im
th' Ph'lippeens. an' export six-inch
shells an' th' like.
"I larned all this fr'Im th' papers, an'
I know 'tis sthraight. An' yit. Hinnis
sy, I dinuaw what to do about th
Ph'lippeens. An' I'm all alone in th'
wurruld. Ivryuody else has made up
his mind. Ye ask anny conducthor on
Ar-rchy R-road, an' hell tell ye. e
ion nnd out frim the papers; an', if ye
really want to know, all ye have to do
Is to" ask a prom'nent citizen who can
can mow all th' lawn he own with a
safety razor. But I don't know.'
"Hang on to thim," said Mr. Hennes
sy, stoutly. "What we've got we must
LET US "PREY."
Popular Hymn, Slightly Revised,
Adapted to Philippine Situation.
From Greenland's ley mountains an'
Manilla's coral strand, tho pore be
nighted heathen call away to beat the
band. They're achln' ter be civilized,
in every heathen land, an' we've got
ter havo an army fer the job. Tho
heathen are a-callln' to our noble
Christian race. America with all" tho
rest has got, to set a pace, and for our
surplus produc's we must have a mar
ket place and we've gotter have an
t Arc You Neglecting
I Your Eyes?
Don't do it.
I Have them examined by
I Dr. Finch,
$ Everett Building:
$ Hours, 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.
Sundavs. 2 to 3 p.m.
If you want scientific Shoeing see
The best of help. Kind Treatment
and all work guaranteed.
If you have lame horses, let us
RICH, The Horseshoer,
Phone 832. 411 South main st
I Rifles and Shot Guns f
& OF AM. KINDS g
Ammunition and Sporting Goods
Special attention given to re
pairing Guns. Builders' Hard
ware, Plato Glass, Mixed
Paints, Lead, etc. Prices right.
511 South Main st.
army fer the job. The heathen In the
peaceful paths of freedom must be led.
At present he's too volatyle and light
as to his head. The only way to keep
him down's ter fill him up with lead
and. we've gotter have an army fer the
job. Then it's "rise up William Riley
now and come along with me." We're
goin' to bring 'em blessings and to set
their pore souls free. They're only
yellow niggers, an' they'll, soon be up
a tree but we've gotter have an army
fer the job!
The poor benighted heathen now no
Christian peace enjoys. We'll edjer
rcite 'em like they do at Virden, Ills.,
or down in Caroliny, where we hang
'em, men and boys, just ter elevate
the standard of the race. The Malaya
of the Philerpeens haint got no sense
at all. They wantter rule their place
themselves I shudder at their gall.
We've gotter kill 'em off in droves to
make the rest sing small, and to elevate
the standard of their race. They're so
besotted in their pride that ef the
truth were known, they'd likely ask
our government to leave 'em all alone.
The heathen in their blindness now
bow down to stock and stone; but we'll
elevate the standard of their race.
They've gotter learn their lessons in
a mighty bitter school. They've got
ter crawl and grovel under white
man's noble rule. We've gotter tread
'em in the mud. ter keep our tempers
cool and ter eleyate the standard of
The onward march of destiny no
nigger crowd can stay. The Anglo
Saxon race must git its three square
meals a.day. We'll work their lands
and make them work and then we'll
shout "Hooray," an' thus we'll spread
the gospel far an wide. We'll raise
100,000 men to fight 'em in their
swamps, to lie at night in jungles with
their fever-ridden damps, and tho' we'll
lose 10,000 there from wounds of chol
era or cramps, we'll spread the blessed
gospel far an' wide. Altho' I haven't
been to church, for nigh on 20 year, it
makes- me feel reel pious just to think
of the idear (I saw one firm will send
out there 10,000 quarts of beer) of how
wel Ispread the gospel far an' wide.
I'd write you more, but I have got a
little "date" at three. We're goin' to
hang a nigger politician to a tree. So
I will close this letter on the march
of destiny, and the way to spread th
gospel far an' wide.
COL, YELLOWSTONE YELL.
Tellville, G. C Nov. 15.
Love at First Sight.
Believers in the possibility of love at
first sight may feel a sympathetic in
terest, and perhaps find a Darwinian
argument, iu a story of the first meet
ing of two apes in the London zoo. We
retell the tale from "Wild Animals In
Sarah was seated alone In her cage
when a new ape made his appearance
in front of the bars. Instantly both
animals uttered short cries, and, bend
ing toward each other, protruded their
thin lips until they met across the bars
Of the cage. Then, as the keeper threw
open the. cage door, the apes rushed In
to each other's arms and, squatting oa
the floor, hugged each other with comic
affection. Iu a few seconds they roe.
and, standing erect, raised their arms
above their heads, grasped each other's
front paws and screamed and howled
In mutual appreciation.
Let us hope that they lived happy
"Times nre awfully dull; we nmst
do something to attract tho nttention
"Well, lot's us go tuto bankruptcy."
Xnt i Lnrne Collection.
Cliolly .lun wait till I collect my
Mnbi'!-That will not tnke long.
New York Journal.
AH men are llin! Yes of court.
Hew could ther otherwise
Is there times pet themfelres to b
P.r wcmanVinJ thrtsht nlcef