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AKROK DAILY DBMddRAT. TUESDAY. INO-V-EMBER 0, MOO
LOT OF JERICHO ORATORY THAT
COUNTED FOR NAUGHT.
IP Fcrklni, ihe Poittuaater. Toll
Wlir llio blicnlon Over Ornn
mentlnc the o of Hip Town Unil
Tcrrer 'WttB-Alirnptlr Endedj.
tCoprrlght, fcOO, by a B. Uirii
Jericho has -bin bulldln a town ball
ir the last six years. It was to bov
tower la tbc middle, and there baa
a a good deal of discussion as to
bat should finish off that tower,
omo stuck fur ft gilt ball, some fur a
wstcr, somo fur crossbars with tho
lnts of tho compass on 'era. Tho
twn board wanted to please tho mo
irlty, and a mectln was called ono
Icht last week to settlo what tho
line should be. Nobody realized bow
itense the feolln was till tho nieotin
pened. Squar' Joslyu headed tho gilt
all party, and ho got up and spoko
ir 15 mlults without stoppln to wlpo
to sweat off the back of b)3 neck,
to started lu 250 years B. C. and como
3ppln down to now like soft soap
lldln down tho cellar stairs. lie con
inded that a Kilt ball on tho top of a
wcr had alius bin considered an cra
lera of Inuocenco. It would bo tho
ist tbing a stranger wouiu iook mr
. . .... i
'hen cntcrln tho town of Jericho. If ,
e saw that gilt ball, ho'd put up at
le tavern and feel safo nnd go away
HE KOOSTER WAS AN EMI1LEM OFOniT AKD
penkln well of tho town. If ho didn't,
ic'd et tho folks down ns vicious and
tcspctate and drive on to Tarrytown (
ir Dobbs Ferry. Tho squar' wanted
hat ball as big an a pumpkin, aud ho
ranted real gold leaf fur gtldln, nnd
le closed his speech with an nppcal to
he pcoplo to continue to be innocent
ind happy. Deacon Spooncr was chair
nan of tho mectln, ns usual, and when
lie squar sot down tho deacon Bnld
lo'd mado a p'lnt. Enos Williams was
lien called upon, no hcnclcd tho fnc
Ion .who wanted a rooster. Enos didn't
o as fur back as the squar1. Ho has
isthma nnd Is short of breath, and so
10. started out with Columbus to dls
liver America, lie had bin readln up
in roosters. Ho couldn't find that roos
;rs was in cmblom of Innocence, but
le didn't want no Innocence oh a court
lousa tower. Tho stranger would find
nnpeenco when ho como to play check
us or trodo bosses with a Jorlcholau.
Clio rooster was an emblem of grit and
ndopendunco. He was a bird who
ivcnt to bed nt sundown, got up boforo
uuirlso and was liustlln around all day.
L i easier on top of thnt tower would
ilgnlfy that Jericho could take caro of
oeisclf nnd didn't bow down to i(ny
tber town In tho state. Uo was out
f breath and had busted a suspender
tvhen ho sot down, and Deacon Spoou
ir rapped with a enno nnd said:
"Enos 1ms not only nmdo n speech
tqual to anything Henry Clay ever got
sff, but he's made a thuiidcrlu big
p'lnt In favor of tho roostciltes. I wan
ig'ln the rooMer when 1 como here, but
I'vo almost changed my mind. Lor us
bear from Sllua Bcbee."
Silas was ono who wanted the p'lnts
of the compass put up. Ho was born
In Jericho when the town had but throe
houses ond had been turned around fur
50 years, f ho only way he could tell
north from south or cast from west
was to make a black spot on Uncle Jim
Green's barn door, nnd ho never went
to tho back end of his own cornfield
without glttln lost and hovln to whlstlo
Co his wife. Ills speech was up to
date. Ho didn't gu buck over six
months, nc said that what had alius
ailed Jericho and what would- alius
keep her down was tho wunt of knowtn
the compass p'lnts. Ho wasn't tho
only ono who was turned around. Half
the folks In toivn couldn't go buckle
berry In without glttln lost and wander
iu around all night Hogs and dogs
walked around In a circle because they
was confused, aud every time there
was a lawsuit most of the witnesses
aald west fur east. An emblem of In
nocence would be nil right, and a rooHi
cr would be n thing of beauty, but both
would bo bcattfn by compass p'lnts.
"811ns has mudo n purty good speech
qnd a purty good p'lnt," says the dea
con, "and I'm sorter lettln go of tho
rooster aud lcanlu to ills stdo. Though
I'vo lived In Jorlcho fur 22 years, I
can't mnko out ylt whether my pigpen
1 on tho north or west sldo of tho
rhQUso. I'm uudcrstaudln that Kllsha
Taylor has Hiinthlu to spring on this
mectln, and we are ready to hrar It."
Ellstia was ready. Ho had bin watch
In the growth of tho town hall fur sir
long years, nnd ho bad bad his yo on
the tower day and night. Ho had look
ed at It from tho street and from the
roof of his barn. Ho had looked at It
nt noonday and squinted nt It at mid.
night and had como to ono unaltornblo
conclusion ho wanted tho llgger of a
Ullt angel to finish off that tower, and
be wonted that angel to bo p'lntln up
wards, nn trio as on a gravestone ho Baw
In Buffalo. Tho angel would signify
the goodness of Jericho, and st-'ngors
wo old no longer stop nnd raise a row
becauco they couldn't git a glass of
beer or find anybody to taku a hand ut
poker, nor p'lntln upward would bo
an object lesson to tho Sunday school
children, and the Bight of her would
calm the foelln's of a man about to
lick bis wife.
Thf ro was a howl of derision ns Ell.
aha sot down, and tho deacon said that
uo p'lnt bad bin made. He was a den
gpof tlia churcli and & ijoQd nian. but
ho'd never consent to h'lst n gilt angel
on top of tho town hall. She might
p'lnt upwards or downwards or any
other way, but angels didn't belong on
towers, lie called upon Beverly Jones
fur his views, and Boverjy Jumped up
and declared himself In favor of the
American eagle. If a rooster signified
grit and Independence, an raglo signi
fied nil that and a dozon things more.
An caglo stood fur liberty, freedom, and
equal rights. It was tho emblem of a
glorious republic. Its wings sheltered
the helpless as well as tho strong) and
Its soft cooln lulled the Infant to sleep,
while Its 'scream sent the father, to the
field of battle to fight fur tho grandest
principles of mankind. It was a rattlln
speech, full of redbot patriotism, and
Deacon Spoouor said that Daniel Web
Btcr never approached It In bis palmiest
days. It didn't affect tho other fac
tions, however. They stuck out fur
the gilt ball, the rooster, tbc compass
p'lnts and tut angel, and each ono de
clared ho'd fight to tho bitter end.
As a compromise, Jim Sborcly, who
didn't caro what they put up. moved
fur a gilt goat, and Abraham Scott,
who was goln to move away and had
lost all Interest, moved fur a monkey,
but they was booted down and every
body began to Jam bis elbows around
and call overybody else n hog. Thcro
w,as every sign that tho mectln would
Drcni5 un in n TQ0 fl(rnt. wIlcn tU01.0
con,eB n flnsn uihn awful clan of
thunder, and at tho tsamo tlmo LIsh
Bllllnga walked In to git out of tho
storm. Deacon Spooncr appealed to
blm to save tho honor of Jericho by
bringln about harmony, and Ltsh
looked around and replied:
"As I understand It, tills crowd la
divided as to what shall ornament tho
top of the city hall tower?"
"That's It!" yells everybody.
"Aud you've bin Jawln and speechl
fyln fur tho last three hours without
settlln on anything? Waal, I don't co
n6 use of any more beln said."
"But what'H your Idea, Llsb?" asks"
"My Idea Is that that fust thunderbolt
knocked your blamed' old tower Into
a Continental cocked hat, and that you
kin save your breath to pick up tho
slivers fur klndllu wood."
And the crowd rushed out and found
that LIsh was k'rect. M. Quad.
THEIR NEIGHBORLY WAY.
Didn't Watt liana to IleRln Ilorrovr.
, I If Thlua. '
A young woman of Washington birth
nnd rearing, who has mndo her homo
for those thrco years past In a small
Indiana town, nays that for tact and
diplomacy pbn knows nobody to equal
her neighbors out there. Sho had
scarcely settled herself In her new
home when ono day she heard a hen
proudly cackling In her back yard.
Sho weut oqt to see what could have
brought a strango hen Into her yard '
nnd found that the fowl had Just laid i
an egg In the wondbox outside tho
kitchen door. Whllo shu was still won-
dorlng where on earth tho crcaturo had
como from tho shock head of a thin
nnd tall girl of 12 rose over tho fenco
which dlvldod tho yard from tho yard
of tho houso next door.
"Hello," sold tho girl.
"Good uiomlug," answered tho Wash
Ingtoulau. "We got plenty of eggs," romnrked
tho girl. "Maw hays you kin havu that
ono our hen Jcs' laid iu thnt woodbox
"Thnnlc you very much," said tho
The girl still hung on tho fpuca
"We ain't goln to ohargo you nothin
for It," she wont ou.
"That's very klud, Indeed," answered
tho now neighbor.
"It's a gift," remarked tho girl.
Theli there wjim silence for a fow
moment's. Tliu girl, still clung to her
side of tho fonce,
"Sny," she said finally, "maw sayH
now you're acquainted with ns folka
she'd llko to borry ft tack hammer."
Washington Post. '
Miulo It Fit the panic,
"Red llock, N. Y" said n man who
apent somu tlmo there, "Isn't much of
a placo, but there Is something Inter
esting about It that I fancy nil tho
world doesn't know, The present nnmo
Is not the ono II has always borno, aud
what Its qthor name wah I don't know.
Wbatovpr It was the people did not
llko t and coucludod thoy would
chango It. Thoro was no particular
rcaisou why thoy should call It Red
Rock, but that was determined upon,
jntl so Red Rock It beenme.
"Thou lu tho courao of tlmo strangers
of an Inquiring turn of mind began to
ask why tho plnce had such a name,
unil as no renuon could bo glvcu now
coinors to tho neighborhood began to
want a name that meant something.
Thla luslstouco grow so strong that tho
old residents began to look around for '
a reason for tho nnmo of their place,
ami at last they found n huge bowlder
near by which they said was what had
suggested tho name. But tho bowlder
was gray instead of red, and the pro
gressists Insisted that that would unt
do. At last tho old timers hit upon a
now plan, aud, procuring a barrel of red
paint, thoy painted the big rock red. :
Red Rock Indeed It was now, aud not
only was all opposition to tho name
overcome, but tho painting of tho rock
ovcry spring has become on annual
festival, and tho ppoplo eclobrato It
with a bin; plcnlo and general celebra
"It was a now Idea to me, ami If
there Is any other town nnywhoro on
earth that Is christened every spring
with red pabit or any other color I
don't know where, it Is." Now Yorlc
Cork Shootlnc In Tnlt Corn.
Cock shooting In tall corn Is as easy
to tho expert ns It Is puzzling to tho
novlco. ou will, of course, work wltli
tho rows, not across them, and If you
nro wise you will shpot nt every
glimpse of a bird and very frequently
after nn Instant's sight of blm, when
you Can ouly guess where he Is. Sharp
work, say ye, my masters. Yes, In a
measure but not so wonderful after ull.
Yqu certainly must be over ready nud
wlft nml Hm00ti, ,n ncUon. i,ut netUnl
sight of tho bird ut tho Instant of pull
ing trigger Is not necessary.
Oreon cprn won't stop oven fine shot
and your charge will glvo a pattern no
bjg qg n busbjl banket; hpnee tho shak
ing of a leaf, tho lllck of a Vanishing
wing, aro enough for tho master of tho
art. In nn Instant ins gnu Is on tin
spot whero a species of lightning cal
dilation tells him tho bird should be.
and the trigger Is pressed without the
slightest delay. The difficulty with tbc
novice Is to get him to shoot at once lm
stead of waiting In vain for ft cloar
ylew. Experts kill bird after btrd In
this way. Tho uovlco must dismiss all
thoughts of empty ahcllf. No good
sportsman worries ovc! clsses. though
ho will learn from failures how to hold
next tlmo. There Is no royal road to
succors In tho Hold. Nothing but ex
perience really counts. So let the nov
ice crack away, although ho may only
get ono bird In ten. We all know what
he'll get If ho doesn't shoot at nil.
ni ItnpreiUlve Looka.
Trumbull's cradle was In Connecti
cut, no came of tho old Jonathan
Trumbull breed. As a young mau ho
went south to teach school, but ho
liked It not and dipped Into lawbook?.
As soon as bo wan equal to his exam
ination ho was called to the Georgia
bar, but ho never paused to'practlco
there. lie migrated to Illinois, then
thp utter west and settled at Belle
ville, St. Clair county. In that part of
I tho stato known as Egypt.
There ho nt onco took a leading placo
at tho bar. Ho Was always courtly, al
wuys carefully polite, what otio might
call n bit cold, yet ho had great sway .
with tho Juries. Ho was n clear, cogent '
reasoner and had a trick .of admon-'
Ishlng with his forefinger. Sometimes
It would seem ns if that potent forefin
ger wove a spell. I doubt not It has
brought many a Jury In Its tlmo to
I Trumbull's sldo of tho question.
Such were tho Impressive looks of
Trumbull that I recoil what Governor
Reynolds onco said of him ns bo closed
bis argument In a law caso. Trumbull
was ou tho other side.
"And now, gentlemen," said Reyn
olds as bo prepared to closo: "I've an
swored his nrgumonts, I'vo overturned
his statement of facts, I've undone tho
fallacious law ho has .announced to
youj but, gentlemen, tho man never
lived who can reply to his looks!" Chi
A Fifth avenue photographer Is tell
ing the story of nu lucldont which
amused him, though It Involved a com
pliment which he missed.
A woman come Into the building and
asked If tho best photographer In tho
city had a studio there, "with a hulr
dresser'H establishment under It."
"You aro In tho right place, madam,"
returned tho elevator man, who wn3
questioned, "for this Is tho best pho
tographer In tbn city, though there Is
no hnntfresser lu tho building."
The woin.iu rose wth n sigh. "I
.suppose I have innde a mistake," who
snlib "I wanted tho hairdresser."
Now Vork Times.
Brown llnttercd Wntermelon,
Colonol Georgo W. Anderson, a man
of spleudld genius nnd rare oratorical
gifts, wns stumping for Groeloy and
Brown down In southwest Missouri, i
Ono night in tho midst of his speech nn
old fellow arose In tho back of tho
houso nnd said;
"Colonel Anderson, is it truo thnt
Governor Brown was bo druuk nt that
Yalo nlunml dinner that, ho. buttered
his waterjuelon?"' '
Colonel Anderson reared back ou his
pastqrn joints, straightened himself to
bis 0 foot 2 nnd with a lion's roar an
swered: "Yes, It la truo thatvOovornqr Brown
buttered his watermelon at tho Yalo
nlunml dinner, and I am happy to In
form you tha.t that Is tho only way In
which wntcrmclous aro eaten In pollto
Anderson's happy retort was greeted
with n shout of laughtor and a roar of
applauso by his auditors. Ills Inter
rogator sat down discounted, and that
was tho ost over hcarl of tho story
of tho buttered watermelon all of
which goes to demoiifjtrato tho valuo
of Danloij'u famous raot(oi "L'auduoo!
Iaudaqeli ToiJourq randace!"
Colonel Anderson was a, wonderful
stumper, uo was piost empnnticaiiy
a rough diamond, In the rough and
tumble, bateh-as-yoU'can style qf flcbat
tug he never had a superior In Mis
souri, which Is saying a great deal. Ho
was an adopt In tho uso of ovcry spe
cies of orntorlcal weapon. Champ
Clark In Saturday Evonlng Post.
TV'onlJu't Bell the Ilnnse.
Tho houso In which Jonn of Arc was
born Is still faithfully preserved In
pious veneration nt Domromy, whore It
Is looked upon almost In tho light of a
ehrlne. Tassersby Invariably cross
themselves and utter a prayer for pro
tection ns thoy go by.
Tho story goes that a rich and eccen
tric Euglluhiunn tried hard to buy tho
placo lu 18.17. It was at that tlmo tho
property of a farmer named Glrardln.
Tho Englishmen offered to lot him
namo bin own price, but the old man
held firm. "No, uo, no," ho cried. "I
would uot sell It ovon to a Frenchman,
much loss to a foreigner and cspeclully '
nn Englishman. People here would call
mo a traitor and a coward were I to
part with tho houso from which Joan
of Arc sot out to servo Franco."
The Englishman convinced himself
that further bargaining was useless
and went his way.
Soon after an officer from tho king's '
household arrived In tho vlllngo aud
asked to speak with Glrardln. Beforo .
tho wholo village, assoniblcd In tho !
street, ho Bald: "Glrardln, tho king has
learned thnt you havo refused to sell
your houso to tin Englishman. Ho do
sires to reward you, but not lu coin.
Ho known that you no moro want tho
money of, the French than of tho Eng
lish, therefore has ho commanded mo
to present you with tho cross of tho Le
gion of Honor."
Queen Catherine obtnlnad plus from
France, and, lu 1513, an act was pass
ed; "That no person shall put to salo
any pinnes but only such ns shall bo
double headed and hnvo the heads sold
ered fast to the shank of the plnues,
well Hiiiontluwl. tho ulinnk- vill Hhimen.
the points null rouud filed, cautciland
At this time most pins were made of
brass, but many weio also made of
Iron, with a brass surface France tont
a large number of plus to England
until nbputbq year 1C2().
In thls'year ono Johu Tllsby started
DlnmaUIng lu Gloucestershire. So sue-
cessful watt his wucuie tlmt bo soon
had 1,500 persons working. These pins
made at Stroud wcro held In high re
pute. In 1030 plnmakors combined and.
founded a corporation. Tho Industry
was carried on at Bristol and Birming
ham, the latter becoming the chief
center. In 1775 prizes were offered for
the first native mndo pins and needles
In Carolina, and during tho war In 1812
pins fetched enormous prices.
Plus vnry from 8V4 Inches In length
to tho small gilt entomologists' pin;
4.500 weighing about an ounce. Good
' : :
A titiclil Doclilnn,
A correspondent, referring to a recent
article. In Law Notes ou "The Gram
mar of the Courts," cnlls attention to
the following lucid decision of Sir
John Taylor Coleridge In tho case of
Ttirley. against Thomas. 8 C. nnd P.
103. 31 E. C. L, 312: "It has been sug
gested as a doubt by the learned coun
sel for tho defendant whether tho rulo
of the road applies to saddlo horses or
ouly to carriages. Now I bavo no doubt
that It docs." Law Notes.
Llttlo Besslo having been punished
far misbehavior, slunk to the other end
of tho room, crying. Her mother turn
ed to view her repentance, but found
her engaged In making faces at her.
"Why, Bessie," said her mother,
"how cnn.you do so?"
"Oh, aiamina," answered tho llttlo
girl, "I was trying to smile rit you, but
my face slipped." London Answers.
Vol tie of a Pnmlllnr Face.
An employee of tho Chicago Trlbuno
Nice found tho fact that his face was
familiar to the late Joseph Mcdlll de
cidedly to his advantage. In tho last
years of his life Mr. Mcdlll did not
upend much time In Chicago and took
no actlvo part In tho management of
bis paper, but when ho was In tho city
ho went tO'hls ofilce pretty regulnrly.
Ho kuow all tho old faces, but few of
tho new ones, and It was too latq In life
for him to 'accustom himself to them,
no never knew to whom to give "copy"
that ho wished printed If the managing
editor happened to bo absent. On ono
occasion ho banded como to a repre
sentative of another paper who chanc
ed to bo In tho bulldlug. Tho man had
been employed on Tho Trlbuno somo
years previously, so his face was fa
miliar to Mr. Medlll, while the faces of
the men then nc'tuolly In his employ
One day ho suddenly Inquired what
had becoino,of tho old night editor.
"IIo's in Bostou," was tho reply.
"Well, I want hi in," bnld Mr. Medlll.
It was explained that the man had
an excellent place In Boston nnd proba-
bly would not enro to camo back. butstr wiuirea Meandering Mlko cau
Mr. Medlll persisted tbrtt ho wantctb tloitslv i f
ulra' , . I
"I know him," ho said, and I want a
familiar face, Jp thnt room. I want
some ano who Isn't n stranger to me.
Telegraph him tbnModlH wants him."
So tho mail- n'lth "tho old familiar
face," although ho was not an old man
uy miy iui'iiu, wem uuuii lu iiiu xiiu-
uno on his own torms. Youth's Com
panion. A flllnipia C)f 'tho Jnpnneae.
Mrs. IIugbIfraRcr. tho .author, wid
ow of nn English diplomat and sister
of Marlon Crawford, says of her llfo
in Japan, to which her husband was
minister from Great Britain:
Tho absouco of snobbishness and kin
dred vires In Japan Irapressos Itsojf
very cleat ly upon one. Thure nro two
characteristics, of tho Japaneso which
stand out very boldly. Homo llfo Is
paramount, aud tho possession of mon
ey is but lightly regarded. Any ono
who would pjotvnd to bo richer than
ho Is would bo calmly uvolded as a
fool. Money Is not spokou pf, tho ub
senco of It la not apologized for. A
person living In a poor way gives a
guest; ulMio has to offer and' Is not hu
miliated at having to ahov his pover
ty. Tho rich man does not overwhelm
you wltlt his riches. Hiv shows you
oue beautiful object from lils collection
nt a time In un empty room, only beau
tiful through Its perfect proportions,
coloring nnd cleanliness. Theso peoplo
travel through llfo so lightly weighted,
their requirements aro so fow In tho
material order, that they seem ns Indo
pendent an tho swallows and fly whero
we, weighted down by the commissariat
for our artificial wants, can only creep.
But they bold Invisible things .'very pre
clous. Honor and self respect tho lovo
of their chlldrcm the harmony of tho
family. p privileges of patriotism, tho
commonwealth of learning, these aro
things for which they will sacrifice
Unil l'urty Ilomea,
Vollon, tho palmer, wns a unlquo per.,
sonnge even among tho old characters
of Paris, While ho was essentially a
Bohemian there were times when even
his patience wns taxed to the utmost,
nud to obvlato the necessity of meet
ing unwelcome peoplo he conceived tho
Idea of multiplying his lodging places.
At the time of his death ho owned no
less than -10 'homos nil In apartment
bouses, situated In nil tho out of tho
way corners of Paris, plainly furnished
nud with Just enough accommodation
for himself. He ehauged from oue to
tho another all the time,. In order to es
cape tmportunnto acquaintances and to
tako refuge from his frleuds. It was
lu order to throw them all off tho
scent that ho engaged rooms all over
Ho finally died In tho Rue do Dun
kerque, wliero ho had ns many ns threo
different apartments, ajl wlthlji n
Btouo'a throw of ono another.
A freuch Joke. i
Two tramps on tho banks of the
"How can we rnlso tho wind?"
"I have It. You throw yourself in,
nud I'll Jump In after you aud take you
out. Then I'll get thu reward, from tho
"Good! Here goes!" Ho Jumped luto
the water, and after floundering about
for homo time he wan getting' tired out,
"eii." ho asked, "how long are you.
going to leumln sitting thcro? Why
don't you come lu aud take mo out?"
"lb cause I think l might nmlte moro
out of you lu thu moruuo." Paris Jour
"In your first edition,'-' Bad tho
Judgo's henchman, "you eayi 'Jurteo
Bodz, thrbiisjloiir. yesterday's session
of court, wnsl ns drunk as It was possi
ble for him to be.' Ho was sober, and
I want you to collect It."
"All right." replied tho editor of Tho
Evening Wasp. "We'll change It In
our next edition. You're welcome! Good
day. sir. (Pause.) Mr. Coplkuttcr.
strike out 'drunk' nnd Insert 'sober' In
that paragraph." Philadelphia Press.
nenrd In rjnutnn,
"I'll tell jer where nle big brudder
Sam made his mlstnko." said the Bos
ton gaiulu as a little crowd collected
aroilud him, "Sam was down on a
copper, and do copper was down on
him. Sam gets a book and puts It In
his bat and goes stvellln by dot officer
to git n bat on do cokernut Couldn't
no copper on de whole forco hurt blm
wld dot book next to his hair. Dlmeby
tho cbpper says to him:
" 'What ye doln on me beat?'
" 'Lookln at ye.' says Sam.
"'Git off de earthl' '
"'1 don't bnf to.
"Den me brudder Sam draws n long
breath aed gits ready fur n tunk, but
de copper t'row blm down as mean as
"Didn't he hit him?" was chorused.
"Yes. he did, but not wld do club.
Jest hauled off and lilt Sammy lu do
eye wld his fist, aud dnt's why mo
brudder Is stuylu home wld beef on bis
eye nnd losln bis confidence In human
A Dentnl Jnlilloe,
Patient (coming out from under tho
Influence of ether) Did you pull both
Dentist-No: only oue. You see, that
was the ono thousandth tooth thnt I'vo
pulled, bo I'vo Invited my assistant to
Join mo Ituu bottle of wlnn. Luitlgo
Blatter. , .
Hnd Tried It.
"Mike," said Plodding Pete, "aro you
a socialist?'! -
"Wlint l rnnr flnflnltlnn nt n cnntnl.
"It's ono or dera guys dat tlnks do
B0Ver'nient orter tako hold nu pervldo
MUh w(t. everyt'lng dey cats no
..Nop0i. wfl3 tno pdsltlTc answer; "1
, im1 ,. mnnt's f nnvor'ment rntlnnn
when , was to Jn1 Dpro ain't enough
pie In it" Washington Star.
Unite a Uenlderatntn,
"How d'you do?" said tho busy man.
"Will you -marry me?" ' y
"Pb or." sho gasped, J'thls Is so sud
den I I must have time to think! I"
"Say. don't keep me waiting too long,
or I won't have enough money left to
buy the rlug. I camo In an auto cab,
and they charge by tho minute, you
know." Philadelphia Press.
Took ntn Iant Cent For a Drink.
Tho old soak, In his tattered, patched
nnnt olindln,! nn llin hnr. tirhnrn tin
had draluedrtofr po, nanny, drinks, nnd
X.lM "'VU J' 1." ! MH UWW MV
looked wistfully at tho bottles of red I
liquor In n row about two arms' length
"Say, Jim. old bp.v," ho said to tho
bartender In1 the mpst winning tones
ho could muster, "you wouldn't tako a
man's hiht cent fer a drink, would yo?"
You bet your llfo I would!" snapped
jim wui, tho vlclonsnoss of a steel
trap. Jim suspected an effort to get a
drink on t:ck nnd proposed to forestall
"Well, I s'poso I got to hove her, so
set her oiu " and tho soak heaved up a
great sigh that shook Iris frame with
Jim hcaetl a much lighter weight
Bgn on discovering thnt the drink wns
to bo paid far. He set out the bottle of
the roughesv goods ho had lu the bouse.
Tho unwelcome customer poured out
four fingers nnd drank It down with
evident relish. Wiping his mouth on I
his coat sleeve, ho reached Into his
pocket, and. pulling out ouo old. tar-
ulshed cent thnt he had found on tho
sldewalk, ho shipped It on the counter.
"There you nro, Jim!" ho gurgled.
"What's this?" yelled Jlin in loud,
"You said you'd tako me last cent for
n drluk, nnd there It Is."
Jim reached under the bar for n baso
bnll bat which he always had ou top,
but boforo he could get it out the artful
soak bad disappeared through tho
front door. Chicago Chronicle.
An Awe Stricken Vltnc,
"I well remember," said a veteran
lawyer, "the trial of a caso In which
Judge nenry T. Backus was doing
cross examining. Now, the Judge was
noted for his lavish uso of six footed
words, nnd bo used frequently to
astound If not confuso an unprepared
witness with a plethora of high sound
ing phrases. Tho cose I speak of was
tried In Suult Ste. Marie, und there
wus a simple. Inoffensive Frenchman
on tho witness stand. Ho understood
llttlo of the attorney's profound Inter
rogatories and gave his answers In a
confused oed Mnininerlng way calcu
lated to rutlle the sweetest temper.
Finally the attorney paused In the mid
dle of his cross examination aud ob
jected because the answers of the wit
ness were not responsive, lie was ad
vised by the court to couch his ques
tions n simpler language. Then Jutlso
Backus, pointing his linger at the mee'
looklnt; witness nud looking blm
straight In the eye, thundered:
" 'Sir. 1 desire you to respond to my
Interrogatories categorically nud with
out prevarication or take the conse
"'Oh!' exclaimed the Froiichmnn, rls
lug from his chair lu fear. 'Ph! What
"Of course tho Incident convulsed the
spectators ond tho court, and It wus
somo time before order was restored
and the caso could proceed." Detroit
Tho "11" In Checker.
Analyzing n game Just played at tho
club by two checker experts seems to
bo nlmost ns fascinating a recreation
to the spectators as any other branch
of the game. Time nnd again have wo
watched a half dozen checkerlsts who
were busy suggesting "this move to
draw" or "that move to win." whllo
an equal number would bo Just a
eager to prove the unsoundness of tho
Hues In question. By the time both
sides nre through, the posltlou has been
thoroughly sifted and Ifs lutrlcacles
are. apparent to nil. Many players,
however, nie not very anxious to hnvo
their ''good 'tilings" displayed and ad
vertised In this tnauber and generally
decline to nnsvier "lending" questions.
When nn amateur whom tho late
James Wyllle had just defeated In a
game, reset the pieces at n certain po
sition and said. "Mr. Wyllle. If I had
played so Instead of my original move,
I think I would have drawn tho
game," the "Herd Laddie" retorted,
"They are all draws If -yo'ti put them
back far enough!" Sbaefer's Checker
ist The Cnntloim Scotchman.
A Scotsman was walking along Traf
algar square one day, when, he stop
ped In front of the Notional gallery.
Seeing n number of people going In,
Scottlo walked In too.
Ho was surprised to find ho-had noth
ing to pay. It being a "free day." Aft
er passing the turnstiles, howovpr, ho
was asked to band over' his walking
"Nne fear." bo replied cautiously. "1
thought there wltf some, doo (cheat)
when ye got Jn free!"
lie gave a wink at the attendant nnd
walked out Keiuson's Weekly.
lilve Item of Nmvs Trora a
Urecy Settlement, ,
Copyright. 1000. by C. B. Lawls.l
There Is a scheme before the com
mon couucll to condemn our prlvato
editorial giaveyard and then buy It In
for n public park. We will wager 2 to
1 thnt we plant liajf the aldermen there
buforo tho scheme-is put through.
O" Tuesday evening a strnuger nam-
cd UuLo sbot B,x uullLts 'nto tuo $-W
a little sunrasr,
mirror of tho Governor saloon and
poker room and then planked down
tho money and wnlked out no had
probably uever shot uuythlug before.
The editor of Tho Lone Jack Recorder
threatens to pull our noso 'tho first
tlmo wo strike his town. .Wo shall
8U0W UP tum' Sunday, and It's 5 to 1
tliai 1 110 UeCOnilT 'UiaU inaues U. OreaK
,or tlic b"ls' ns usual,
Some heroic crltler filing a brickbat
through one of the editorial windows
of The Kicker olllco Wednesday night
and got away before we could pet to
the door aud bring our gun u bear. If
b? will call some other evening, we'll
tnako It pleasant for him.
Thcro are people In this town who
criticise us for riding our mule In
races aud nre seeking to tnako It :i
point against us with the postmaster
general. If the P, G. Is the sort of
mau to bounce us for winning a $."0
race by three lengths, we nro willing
to let this old postofflce go to smash.
"They nre finding a good ninny dry
holes." snld Mr. Snnggs. who has lately
become Interested In petroleum.
"Well, yon kuow that there has been
.... Il,l. ..!.. I..tln(l .,P,.Utnn,l t,lHn
,? "" " "'" Ch -o, IcTe - Te U
" ?8, l lt'SDUrS UJiqnltlo-1 o-
One Oooil Tnrn Dmervea Another.
"Oh. Jack, Isn't my reversible plnld
golf skirt lovely?"
"Well, how's the bill? H'm-S21I
Are these figures rovcrslblo too?" De
troit Free Press.
Crowfoot Say, If yeoli are so all
lived good ut problems, tell me bow rnr
oil thunder h when yeou hear the first
roll .; ,
Calculator I ennjt. do tb'at. sir.
L'rnwfnot Veoti o:yj't? J .
Calculator-No; I'm thu Ilghtulm.' cnl.
ulator. St. LoulsRepiibllc. .
TO CURE A COLD IN.ON: DAY .
Take Lnxqtlve BromojQuluIno Tab
lets, All druggists rct,upd thp money
If It falls to euro. 'E. W. Oiovo's slg.
naturo 1b ou each box. 25c 1
J ill 'I
1 n ..c- Y A?lWf
Ont nt lllo Line.
RAILROAD TIME TABLES
Dally; ull others , dally exe'dpt
Sunday. ' Central Standard ' ,
EIHE IUILUOAI) CO. j
rlo Depot Mjll at
Express :,.i'.'., 4.,.8:Sfl pra
Limited, vcstlbulnS .ns n m
No. 15 To Akron only u:36auj
No. 13, Chlcngb express, oi
Mondays to iJolldn only.... 12:22 pm
NO. 8 'rubble express u:52 pro
No. 37 Aeeommo(...tIon...M". 1:40 aui
No. 14 To Mendvillo 2:20 am
No. B Limited vestlbulo .... 1:20 uin
No. 12 Express 8:54 am
No. 4 Notv York special.. .,..12:50 pm
N. 10 Chautauqua express.. 4:25 pm
No. tin. Accommodation 4:00 pm
W HEELING & LAKE EIUB BY.
Myron T. Herrlck, Robert Bllnkon
No. i. N6.8. No.4.
Toledo, (Uu. Dcp.) Ar 7:15
Speicer ...;, 10:10
Musiislllon ....'. 11:50
Vnllijy Junction .,'.;.. 12:45
Wheeling Ar. 8:25
Wheeling Lv. 0:30 nm
Valley Junction .. 8:00
Mni-slllon .. 8:50
nrrvllle . ., '.'.' 0:20
Crcston ..-....;-.-.-..- 0:45
Tel. Un. Dep.) Ar. i:20 pm
H. L. BOOTH,
General Trnino Manager.
J. F. TOWNSEND,
Assistant General Passenger Agent
Cln Columbus and Clev.. 0:05 am
Akron and Pittsburg.
Col., Mlllersburg & Clevo.. 111:551 p.ia
Cln., Col. and Cleveland. .. . 4:1E pm
Pitts., Bnl. Wash. & N. Y.'..2:30 ira
Clovd., Cols, nnd Cin 0:40 am
Now York, Pitts, and Akron, (runs
only to Bnrberton.)...-.;. Jl:10 am
Clevd. Millersbiirg and Cols. J:13 pm
Pittsburg and Akron, (runs only
to Akron 8:10 pm
Clovd., Cols, nnd Cln.,
Dally. I Daily except Sunday.
BALTIMORE & OHIO.
Union Depot, Markot street. '
Depart" Wosf r-
Tiffin, Fostorla,& Ohlcago.", "10:10 am
Tiffin, Fostork & Ohlcago.: 8:00 pm
Chicago vestlbuled, limited 11:00 ym
Arrive from tho West
Oblcago and Now York veiU-
buled, limited 1:50 am
Uilcngo and Pittsburg..... 0UJ5aa
Chicago, Akrou aud Clevo-
laud . 8:10pm
Trains leave Chicago for Akron
10:20 a. m. 3:30 p. in. and 8:30 p.
0. T. & V. . 'R.
How. St Union.
. 0:55 am 0:45 am
,12:01 pm' 12:20 pro
. .0:20, am 3:05 am
..1:10 pm 1:00 pm
. ..I -.'t( nm 41fl nm
No. 3 ..
No. (1 .,
Ko, 7 . .
..8:25 pm 8:12 pm
...8:42 am 'u.oi am
1..KI nm A-n nn.
,10:34 pm 11:00 pra
..7:35 pm 7:50 pm
PITTSBURG & WESTERN B. K.
Union Depot, Market street
Leavo for tho Bast
Oblcago and New York vesti
bule, limited 2:00 am
'Warren, Youngstown, Pitts-
Wurren, Youngstown, Pitts
burg ..." 1:10pm
Pittsburg, Washington. Phil
adelphia, New York, do
parts 0. T. & V. By.. How.
urd streqt station ........ 4:15 phi
Arrlvo from tho East
taud.arrlves 0. T.& V. Uy.,
Howard street station... 9:30am
Pittsburg nnd Akrou ..... '11:53am
Pittsburg, Akion and Oblca
go 7:40 pm
burg and Ohlcago 10:55 pra
THE NORTHERNOHIO RAILROAD.
Depot North Main street
Dopnrt No. 1 -.-.... 7:50 nnj
" No. 11 5:00pm
Arrive No. 2 4:20pm
" No. 12 Z2;ltnm
UU NORTHERN OHIO 'JRAOTION.
A. B. 0. Division.
Waiting room, 102 N, noward st.
Tlmo card in effect Oct. 15th, lOOO.
Cars for Oloveland leavo tho corner
North Howard and Mnrkct sts., 5:30
n.m.'nn'l every lour to 8:30 p.m. and
at 10:30 p.m. Saturdays aud Sundays
5:30 a in., 0:30 n.ra, nnd every half
hour to 7:80 p m. nnd at S:.T.' p.m. and
A tlrcnt Vlnhjr.
Tommy Did you kuow about that
baby thai was fed on elephant's milk,
pop, and gained 20 pounds n day?
Tommy's Pop (Indignantly) No, I
didn't, Whose Imliy was It?
Tommy The elephant's baby, pop.
Scraps. There nro only t.hroo remaining of tho
original 13 crosr.es built by King Ed
ward 1 to work the resting place of
Queen Eleanor's funeral procession.
Ouo Is uenr Nnthaniptou, ono Waltham
Crosa, tho tuk! at Charing Cross.
i&...sl&Vtf ,' ,rf Ajffif"'