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Rates of Advertising.
a j jiaare,(or leHSHie$jrbevV
V . .' winhitldftiinlinlrtl0nV
. Three mbntbijA V V 3 2
SiimofrUt, v - V.r KTi
- Twelve montO. jX- DflJ
" half '
pense of the advertiser. .
tecuted anhiaOfTlee with neatness andde
3patch, 1 1 theJof styossibleralei . 1 -
JOB WORK Poetical.
THE SPIRIT OF PROGRESS.
. B'lft. Jo k lunVeams rertu
, With eTaintjBt cheering reifce
,i- , On the biK.-tps of the West,
Th miati art slowly rising
From the Tiller end the plain,
And the spirit it awaking,
Ttot ihklnerer sleep in.
And ye mav hr. that listen, V
The splnt'i stirring gonjj,
The nurses like the ocean. I
With its solemn bass along
Bo! ean t slay the rivers.
Or bind the w!ng of light,
Or briny back to the morning
The old departed night? ' '
Nor shall ye check my irgpulae,
Nor stay it for an bour,
Until earth's groining millions .
Hare felt the healing power!
- The spirit is Progression.
. In the vigor of its youth;
The foeman of Oppression,
, Kpi its armor is the Trotb.
Old Error with its legions
Mast fall beneath its wrath:
Nor blood, nor tears, nor anguish,
, , ; Will mark it brilliant path.
Bnt OnwArd, upward, heavenward,
' The spirit still' will wmsj.
Till Pac and Lov shall trinmph,
And Valsiuood reign no more.
[From the Portland Eclectic.
THE SMALL FAMILY.
"Hush, baby hush !" whispered a yonng,
gir.iih looking mother, as, for ptrhaps the
tenth time, she left the breed she was making,
and hastily crossed' the r om to touch with her
foot the rocker of a wicker cradle, whose tiny
occupant was nestling and twistingwesrity,
fighting the sir with both chabhy Est, as
though bidding defiance to further sleep or
A few minutes hurried rocking, and the
ne'stling ceased, as the little hands fell uncon
sciously on thesnowy blanket and the diligent
little housekeeper liuiried back to her bread
"Mercy on rile ! a quarter to twelve al
ready I" she said, raising hereyes to the clock,
"and how impatient Louis will be wHen he
finds be must wait for dinner ! oh. Hear I" and.
the pretty woman, flushed and flurried by the
entieipatHBirof her htwbaniPt fretfulnessr hut-,
lied about with all possible expedition.
The bresd was at Inst in the oven, the va
rious culinary enterprises put in operation, the
dining room neatly arranged, and Mrs. Floyd
wis just spreading the cloth on the dinner ta
bl, whea the baby cried again, and the little
foot hurried to the rocker again as usual. Be
fore the child was quieted, Mr. Floyd came in.
"Why, Annie," lie said hastily, "where's
dinner f Oh, dear you haven't any regularity
now-a dsya. You're always rocking that cra
dle, end never get anything done in time.
wonder what y u'd do if you htul ten in the
family, as your step-mot he has!''
Mrs. Floyd felt the tears trying to come, but
she choked them down, and said quietly
"Don't be impatient, Louis, I tried to have
dinner in time, but the baby had bren trouble
tome and wakeful all the morning; I've had
to carry him in my arms, while I was at work,
bait. in forenoon. He.wies, I'm not very
strong, and I've bad a distracting headache
"If rou'rnot able todo vonrwork. vou should
have kept Matty longer: sW was willing
"Yea, I know but yon asid yourself that
the waste.) more than her wages, and that
everything about the house was going to wreck
and rain, under her administration. Besides,
she knew very little about doing bouse-work
as it should fie done."
"Oh, Annie, you're too particular and old'
ma id is h by a (treat dent."
"Am I f Who came to me with such a wo
ful complaint because Matty vxun'loldmaidith
enough about her crockery ? who wouldn't
drink I glass of water because he saw the
print of her fingers on the glass? who looked
ao diimal because the sugar-bowl wasn't
its Old place on the wrong side of his plate I"
' 'Well,' laughed Louis, 'she certainly didn't
divplay much taste in arranging the table, but
there ai other things she could do to help
' "Kothing more than a child ten years old
tould Co. blie couldn't even make the tea
biscu'ts without coming to me with everything
to know bow much to take. She never
.a baking, or ironed your linen once, while she
was here i to the latter, a clothes basket half
full of starcbed things can testify, even now
fot I have not found lime to iron them
inee ahe went away.
- "She wai a poor affair, I grant yon ;
ahe could at least bave taken care of little
Lou baby tending don't require much talent
"Indeed, but it does, though ; and such tal
ent as comparatively few possess. Matty said
she didn't like babies, and she wss never wil
ling to take Lou. in her arms : and if I insist
edon it, the would be quite as likely to
bim by one arm as any way : I never felt safe
to leave him with her a minute."
"Veil, 1 don't know; butit seems to
the saeXild bave been better than nothing.
Any way, I don't like being obliged to wait
quarter of tn hour everr dnv for dinner."
The yoang wife sighed at the implied reproof
and hunted arouad to complete her arrang
meat, while the- thoughtless husband seated
himself by the window; end drawing some
newspapers from hit pocket, rend comfortably
until tbe invited him to thr table. -
Tbe dinner bour passed pleasantly for
Floyd; tbongh sometimes imp Mien t and
be was at heait very fond of
pretty wire, and fitly proud of bia beautiful
boy.- His wile h Mtberto been, aa be
'the most punctual .wecreslnre in the wi
tat since little Lou' had claimed so much
ber time and attention and every mother
kvtwt that of all the tyranta a baby wthi
most aisoting and unreasonable ahe
found it impossible to adhere to her former
"She had "a small family' true ; and many
eemed to consider this another term for
aad leisarei but many a young wife,' with
4nly a hnsbaed and one child to oaie for,
ouad to the contrary, t The same routine
housework must be (one through for a family
SWt-flWI. Tl Hf IB 11 MP ttJftfifC
ia ,t"iii. v h i.k i ' i-1 i in i ill i iii i v i i ii ii i iiiui in i" n i'u ill i ill i : .ii i i iii t l n rf ' hi i
T3Tir O fJULD y "Fearless and Free." $l,50per Annum in Advance.
Newe' ; ' ATON, PREBLE COUNTY, 0. SEPT. 7. 1854. " foini.No. 12
- v -t 1 - '
at number. n? if
part otjt ii neglected thejti mion is quite aa
aefiibly felt. xQh, aa-oman- with "only a
husoand ana Daoy jj io oo pmeai 11 me
doni-bell tings, ihrlrast inswef it, no matter
Sbethet aJ.eii wasine dishes, kneading bread
or engaged in enjr' other domestic duty she
miift go almost aiwr) wiia me oaoy in ner
arms. She hs no one to take a atep for her
from morning till nighterery little touch
rnustbe wuh herown nana.
Mr. Floyd rose' frorrt.the table, kissed the
boy sleeping: ao comftnbly in Die cradle,
he said he was a funny little plaything and
didn't appear to mae much trouble after all,
took his hat, and was leaving the room, when,
suddenly reocllecting himself, he drew a roll
nf mnrs frnm hi nnikft ' ttavinar.
w. ,..rv, - i , j r- -
"Annie, nere are some imporlant per
which I wish yon would copy thisaiternoon ;
they must be accurately done, and 1 dnn't
like to trust them to that new clerk Hp is
blundering fellow at best ; and I have as much
ns I can do this afternoon. It is positively
necessary that these be done as soon as possi
ble; can't you attend to them at once, sud
send them to the office by a boy ? There are
half a dozen playing out here befora the gate.'
"I'm alraid 1 can't wellafford time, Lou is f
'Nonsense vou write so rapidly, you know.
And here I forgot to mention that I caught
my coat on the gate latch and tore the lining
shockingly; hand me, another from the ward
robe, please; nnd I wish you'd mend this so
I can have it agsin at to time. Here it is good
And tossing the disabled garment on a choir,
he c osed the do r behind him, but opened
it the nextnjinute to say-V
"Ojhr'jMfie, get up something nice for t a.
won't y,ou? Remember you've siven me toast
twice'Witnm a week already. Seems tome
you (jvaVt have much variety these days, eh,
Annie f"iAnd he liughed aa he closed the
gale.,; r .
Pom Annie ! she felt half sick, and quite
discduraged, and loneed to lie down and rert;
but there was "no release in that wsr." So
she hastily cleared the table and commenced
her copying The task ws long and difficult.
It was after one when her husband left the
house; and by the most rapid exertion shoj
ron Id make, the papers were not finished nn-l
til hair past two. She sent them to trie oflice
as directed, and then, as the baby was not
crying, she thought it would Ue thebest op
portunity to mend the unfortunate coat So
she commenced it, and hod hardly taken faa
a dozen atttches, when littljj Lou, out ofrfll
pmence, oegnn 10 scream mosi isuscaity.
She took hint up, held him a few fniniVes,
and leaning him once more against the pillows
:nsucn a position mat ne con in see ner lace,
she again resumed her mending, and sewed
diligently for nearly an hour the baby crying
half the time, in spite of her nods and smile.
It was finished at last, and she turned her
attention to the neglected kaby. It wjs now
half past three, and ahe was revolving in her
mind aa to the best method of washing the
dishe with him ia'Jiar trine, whea tUe door
The new Comers were some lady acquaint
ances, who had ca leu "to see thst darling
baby," and after handling and ahaking it till
it was sufficiently cross tnd fretful, and was
ting a full hour of the poor woman's time, they
took their leove.
"Half after four 1" she exclaimed, on re
entering the kitchen ; "oh (ear, where has
the afternoon gone ? And now, supper ought
to be on the table by five, and here's the fire
all out, and this child in my arms I"
She consigned him once more to the cradle;
where he lay kicking and crying after the most
approved fashion, until she had kindled a fire
and washed the dinner dishes. This consu
med about fifieen minutes, and then she
about preparing some little delicacy, to tempt
ber husband's fastidious appetite.
Tbe table wa not drawn into the noorwhen
he arrived and all wives know that men nev
er think there is anything done towards get-
ling a meal, until the table is set.
"Oh, Annie," ne exclaimed, as he threw
himself into a chair, "you are getting perfect
ly incorrigible five o'clock, and not a sign
supper. Una would think the work for
small a family might be done in better season,
and wit'i some regard for punctuality, won
der what you'd do if you had seven children.
as your step mother has T Her meals are at
wavs ready in time."
Thia "step-mo' her" allusion was a favorite
hobby with Mr. Floyd, md Annie had heard
it until she was tired of it. Her cheek redden
ed as she replied
"What would I do? I'll tell you, Louis
I'd do as she does have two or three girls
among the "seven," who could do half
work and all the running. She don't answer
the door bell, nor wash dishes, nor make
bed, from one weeks end to another ; and
mother takes the entire charge of the mending
so she is tree from that tax on her time. And
those same "seven children," which you snd
she are alwaya harping on as such a load
her shoulders, making so much woik, and ta
king ao much time, are just what save
steps, and by doing a thousand litt'e trifling
offices, small in themselves, but still taking
tune, enable her to have her nr.esls "always
ready in time." Even the little oncscan close
a door, brini( her spool or thimble, or gather
basket of chips -and that's m re than 1 have
done for me, from morning tilt night."
"Uut then, Annie, lint think of the Cooking
she haa to do ; you say it is the worst
you bave to do, particularly in the summer
and you know she always does the cooking
"Yes, I understand all about that.
lived in the family pears enough to know
and you'll look surprised when Hell you,
for the real labor, I'd as soon do the cooking
for her family as my own. She hss to prepare
a great quantity of food, to be sure ; but
has none ofi this little vexing, fussing, to
up something nice" as you te I me, for every
meal. Her hu.band wouldn't say a word
he had toast tor tea every night in a week.
She never troubles herself to prepare the hun
dred little delicacies which demand mu
and patience. She prepares a quantitt
plain, wholesome food,- and it lati till it
on that is, if it isn't disposedjof at the
mesi, it is placed on the table at the succeed
ing one. But you kno yon never want
tee anything on the table but once, even
is something which is juat as nice as though
newly prepared. You think yourself undone
if you don't have have warm bread at
meal, her husbsnd don't see any for days
gether. All these things maybe trifles, Louis,
but taken together tbey make all me aiaer
ence in the world."
' The young husband looked serious ; at
raised the babr from the nillowa and
playing with Aim, while Annie was cleanng
Wey the tea-tbingt. Juat as she had
finished;-the -"stepmother whom Mr.
had ao often quoted, came in by the garden
door. She wise little, sharp-featured, obser
ving womtn, who prided herself on ht'she
called "taking advantage of her work," ha
ing.it always done in time, albeit she bad "the
larrest family in the neighborhood."
"Good evening, Annie," she said, as her
lynx eyes took in the fact that Louis was tend
ing the baby while his wife washed the dishes,
"-cents to me Lou is is getting domestic : won
der what my husband would say if I should
ssk him to stay in the house and tnka care of
the tajjy I'
''Ha would probably tell vou to call on one
ol the girls," said Annie, with a quiet smile.
Not hnvinggamedany advantage in this, the
lady changed the conversation.
"It has been a ctxirmin.T day ; why didn't
you come in with little Lou V
'1 have been verv busy all day," answered
Annie. "Loti has been troublesome, and I
had to. neglect aim sadly. Ho has cried half
"1 don't aee how you keep busy sllday with
Mwhnt little housework you have to do," said
the pattern lady, who always delichted in such
convict reproofsof Annie's household msnnre-
ment. "I should think you could go out just
when you please."
"Nevertheless, I cannot," answered.Annie,
"and I am not slow, eithe-. It is Friday even
ing and I have been busy at work ever since
Monday morning. I bave risen in good season
in the morning, wo ked until late at night
haven't made a single call, and haven't open
ed a book or newspaper ; and my week's iron
ing isn't done yet."
"lline was done in the middle of the week,".
said the pattern.
i.- "Did you do it ?" asked Annie.
f'O, no ; Mary always does the ironing I
have enough else todo."
'And your mother has done the mending,
snd Nell the house-cleaning, and Kate the
chamber-work, snd Fanny has washed tbe
dishes, ss usual J" continued Annie.'
"Yes," replied the lady, "the girls are ni
capable of doing such things as any one,
though, of course, the care all lalla on me."
"Well, mothei," snid Annie, a little mist
ehievoiisly, aa she took the baby and com
menced preparing him for bed. I don't see
that you have worked much harder than I
"Mercy on us! what, where you have
only three to care for, and I rn .' How un
"Well," said Annie, "you snd I always had
diffevnt ideas about this matter,, and I surf
pose we never shall entirely agree upon it.
But you never have known what it is to get
Djorig wil-k. a fretful baby, and ho one to lift
a nrrterto neip you , lor wnen you commen
ced house Jteeping, you hady) .step-daughter
tw)elve'Vearsold, besides having your mother
witjb ymi, asjsje has-beerr-rlj the time since.
But we'll say nmnVe (bout i.V Just lift tl.
baby, and see bow mucn he bas grown within
After chat tihg sociably fora little while, the
lazy tok her leave. As she passed through
the littfe.back kitcrn. Annie's basket of yet
unsmoothed clothes caught her eye, and she
pasted through tht garden, saying comfortably!
If I had only my husband and one child
take rare of, and couldn't get my ironing don
beiore Saturday, I'd drown myselt t"
Tbe husband sat silent a minute after she
hsdgone, and said kindly:
"Annie, I have been unreasonable with
you forgive me ; for I begin to see that peo
ple with large familiet don't always woik the
hardest, and that there really is something
do even in a "small family."
A Good Excuse.
There is a society in existence, which, like
most other associations of the kind, bus
standing rule that all members who come late,
or absent themselves, shall be fined a certain
sum, unless, tliey are able to give a sufficient
excuse for tsrdineis or absence. Or. one
occasion a member came in after hours, and
the chairman asked his excuse for being
"Really, sir, I was not able to gel here be
foredomestic troubles perplexities of mind
I cannot say which will die first, my wife
"Ah I "-said the chairman, expressing
much commiseration for the father and hus
band, "I was not aware of that. Remit
the fine. Mr. Secretary the excuse is
The member consequently took his sest.
Tha next morning another member met him
and with feeling asked him bow his wife and
"In excellent health," replied he.
"How? I thought you snid you did not
know which one would die first!"
"I did; and am 'till in a quandary, time,
however, will decide the question."
A Boston Boy's Independence.
An old gentleman of Poslon.who wasatthe
head of a large manufacturing establishment,
had an apprentice addicted lo rather an tin
cleanly practice, termed by anxious mammas,
'nicking the nose.' Often had his employer
remonstrated with him on the impiopriety
such a bobit. lie was rather a close-fisted
li, customer, and one Fourth of July he in
formed the youth in question that he must
work that day. The boy, of course, did
relir.h ii much, but went away grumbling; and
on bis boss calling at his place or business
see hew matterrnrogressed, he found the
busily engaged, at usual, with his nasal pro
There, John, this is the twentieth time
week I have detected you in that filthy act!'
'I don't care,' blubbered the anpientice,
my own nose, and it'a Innependence Day,
I'll pick thunder out of it!'
rtTOne of our exchange tells a good story
an agreeable young man who was in the com
pany of ladies one evening, tnd proposed
conundrum, which he taid he had read in
papen, It was tins: "When is a lady not
lady?' There wak a pause. 'Give it up,'
all round, when, to the infinite horror of
party, the querist exclaimed, 'When abe'a
Nobody laughed, some were demure, some
Indignant, tnd tome no doubt inclined
set itch the qiieristt face. He was disap
pointed. Fumbling in bis pocket, he fulled
out a paper which; consulting for a moment,
'Oh, I beg yon r pardon, ladies I made
t mistake. Tbe tnswer is, 'When she is
little tuliy." I knew i; wss tome tort of
The young lady who let down the win
dow curtain to keep the man in-tha
from teeing her in ber night clothes,
I been teen atCburch with t bole in ber stock
"Mr. Sn)itb, don't yon think Mr. Skeeaics
is a young man of parts?" .
"Decidedly so, Miss Brown; ha ispart num
akuH, tnd rait knave, and part fool."
INITIATING AN OUTSIDER.
BY JACK HUMPHRIES.
All creation and the balance of mankind
were, early one morning aroused Iroin tbe
dulness usually pervading the pious, prim,
and peaceable town of bst JNulmeg, by the
What is it an about f" "When did they
come?" "How many are they?" What do
they lo k like ?" "Did you see 'era V "Are
they human critters?" "What aretliey going
to do ?"
"The Know-Nothin?s !"
"Know-Nothings ?" says a native.
"'Well, I'd give a fo'pence to know," con
tinued the .native, "that i,l sin is't -ell
about ?" .
"O, you oave'nl seen em ?" says a jolly,
round visaged, bright evtd individual , who
with other strangers, and natives of East Nut
meg, were gathered in a knot abouttlie depot,
discussing the topic which had in a single niht
came, sawff'and took the town, "Uave'nt
seen them r'
"Seen who ?" says native.
"The Know Nothins."
"Know-Nothings ! Wal, I kinder cal'late I
have a few."
';0, you Ve one of 'em, eh ?"
"Look a here, squire, if yeou don't want
to be squattin cross-leed in yon heap o
sand, I cal'late youM better not say mv ede-
cation hat been neglected in oiiysicha wav."
"Not at all, my dear sir, I only predicted
that you were athat is, hang it I mean do
you know hat'a out r"
"Ye s; I'll ieii you wnavs out, squire."
"Good, what is it !"
"A writ agin Jos i Pruden for breakin' the
Sabbath el tew flinders, playin' keards in
Deacou Dnuke's barn.
"Pshaw !" said the jollyman, "Idon'l mean
that sort of work, I sitppose you are like the
rest of these Know-Nothiiig, to sly, eh to be
"Squire, do you chaw?"
"Yes," said the jolly looking man.
"Hand us yeour tobaco then."
"Yes, I don't chawrr
"Giteout! gettin' kinder sharp set too, 1
cal'late. Now look a' here, squire, I gin tew
expect yeour from New iork ("
"I expect you're correct in your remarks."!
Wall, I knew yeou wasjean tell yeour fel
lers a nule off; e'yes; can by kingdom. Now
I ca'late there's somethin' goin' on, that's a
fact all ftfedust raowaremind this yer toawn,
this mom', beout somethin' a feller ever
"Ah, that's what Pwaj coming at. Now
they say yoabave got a new invention a new
fangled society, or a new order, party, or sect
or something that's bound to get Christendom
in an uoroarj how is it ?"
."Eh, yesj when they goin' to begin it,
snuire ! "
. . .
"U, yougil out, siy u g, am i you one oi
em?" . ..a.
What, them fellows that's a going To reuse
in. and break mines !"
"I don't know; I only ask you," continued
the Squire, "I only ask for information you
"Wall, naow, look a here, a feller never
made much be dod rotted ignorance in this land
of universal liberty and giueral edication; and
feller bates to come right daown and a con
fess he don't know nothin, that's a fact; but,
ouare. I've got to acknowledge the corn, and
it's no use talking, but durn my buttons to np
nle sans, ef I wunt, us p or a fellow as I be,
ginjistten sb il 1 i ny and upwards to know
what's kinder busied raounu tiers.
"Would vou ?"
'Wouldn't I? By golly, squire, I guess
eonr the critter can jiat tell all oli mt it ?'.
f'l'm just the man that can."
"I knew yeou be ! Grea-a-t kingdom, let's
hear all about it ?"
llis s-b," said the humorous man, 'hi-s-h,
I've been sounding you."
"Yeou don't say so J" echoes the citizens
,'Yes, sir; we have to be cautious."
"Eh, yes," abstractedly responds the Nut-
"Can't speak out to everybody."
"Yes, air; now I know you're a good egg."
"Good egg sound to the core !"
"Soound ? wou'd'nt wonder, never ailin but
once in my hull life; than I had the damdest
scratch in' time yeou ever did see, I reckon.
Ever had the ich, squire ?"
"Never, thank you."
"0, not nt all, squirh, you are quite welcome
as Uncle Nat said, when lie shot the lngin."
".W'll, air, now 1'K give you in n whisper,
an I idea what's up; and if you love our
'The land of the free, and the home of the
Grea-a-t Fouitli of July J pilch in big licks
"Our own dear native inna i"
"That's the ginger! go it, squire," says
"well, sir, now you just roller me over
the hotell. se: now take a chair. Here we
now I'll give you a secret. Vou see ibis is
grand secret society."
"And the ereStest secrecv is tn be adhered
lo. Now rise, hold up both hands, high above
your head, 80; now sware
"Sware ? can't dew it squire, agin my re
Are vou an American f
"Ami? I an't nothin' else, by Bunker
"Will vou sland by vour country 7"
"Will I ? Yes. sir; till Gabral toots
"Then swtre, that you will stand by
American Eaglo, the stars and the strips, tnd
never reveal the secrets:"
Fourth of July and Bunker Hill!" chimes
in the excited Yankee.
"Thal'a it, good egg!" laid the humorous
man. "Now, tir, you are one oi us, you
a Know Nothing."
"You dou't say so."
- "Yes, air; now we have some mysterious
signs and countersigns,-by which you can
a brother of the society. When you see
man lookinf at you with his right eye shut;
his hands in his pockets, with a cigar if
b smoking in the left aide of hit mouth
you may know be't a Know-Nolbing."
- Well, then, you, go toward him And
your' left eye, so; you bite your thumb of
left hand, if he bites'
if he bite; if he it really one nf
he will tay something in e grumbling tone
something like 'what do you mean ? or
I vou mean that for me 1' Thn he bites,
see, then you advance close, and say
'nir wredin cutty!' "
"Dutch, ain't it !" says the Yankee. .
"Well, no: not exact'y, its our language,
Then he'll say, "what dh yott iixJan V mm
he'll te very apt to sayttmt,' onve or -twice,
sure. You reply 'nibs,' don't lorget 'nios
stag his nibs cully I"; .
"Nips, eh, yes." .
"Nibs, cully, how'a niVf?" "You then
approach close up, shut the right eye grasp his
hand, and nut your leu roretiiifer alongside or
your nose, so. He'll then up and tell you alH
"He will ? How many fellows in this town
have joined this society ?" "
"Un hundreds, nearlyeveryiiony you meet
are members; its raising the greatest excite
ment imaciiiable !"
"Beats MillerUs ? I was one of 'em."
"Beats everything ont,Sff. Now here's the
oath ! yon swaie by this tMbleni'' elevating
a boot-jack. jf
"What a boot-jack?" S
"Yes it looks like a jackv'but it ain't, it's a
blind, mvstery, we awarefjy this. You put
your forefinger on your none, shutone eye, and
sware never to reveal these, our secre s, to
help your Independence day I Now, to-night,
there will be a crowd near the depot about
dark: when the crowd moves, you follow;they
will take you to the secret- chamber, where
you will learn more particulars. Now scott."
"Eh, yes," and Nutmeg left.
He hid just gone iifto ihe street, when.
veritable sign met hi eyes. A long legged,
doudle fisted fellow with butane eye in h:s
held, stood gaping around y?vh bis (Tands in
his breeches; up goes NutrpO'g, shuts his eye,
and pokes hij thumb betweji'.' his molers
The man with closed eye, looked daggers jyith
the other, and by the twite'liing of his lips
seemed tobe speaking, :or doing something
like it, inwardly. , (
"Nix a weed in cully 1 tsyi Nutmeg td
vsncing. V ..,
"What in yaller thunder d'ye mean ? say!"
says the one eyed man.
"Nibs sttg his nibs, cully, how's nibs?
continuedNutmeg, advancing, grid placing his
finger upon bis lone sharp nose, nnd grabbing
at the stranger, who mistruMtinfc that the move
meant no good, draws off, nM puts in such
. . ii. ... . 1 1. i XT... .1 . ..1. I.l 1
soi' It naw.' that Nutmeg doubled un and went
down all in a heap 'cobH)-!'
"Go!l darn you, aint't on oe of 'em l-
Why did" you say to !" bawled Nutmeir.trav
elling into the hotel to find tffe Professor
know Nothingness, and setui Ins hash ! Hut
Professor Pete Moiris brflr tuddenly left
parts unknown !utme' has bce'i lo';im;
Pete for some time. Uottun Yankee Priva
The Teacher Stumped.
happened a room one day,
a class of very small boys and girls were reci
ting a lesson in arithmetic. It was about thiir
'Five from five leaves bow many?' asked
the teacher of a little girl of some six years
f , ....
After a moment's reflection, she answered
'How do you make that out?' said the tea
Holding har little hands out towards him,
she said, 'here are five fingers on mv right
hand, and five fingers on the other. Now, if
I take the five fingers on my left hand away
from tlip fingers on my right hand, won't five
The teacher was stumped and obliged to
A half score of young urchins gathered
round a companion, whose palid face indica
ted that he was sick, the result orsome juven
ile indiscretion. The little fellows were busy
in offering their sympathies in various homely
phrases. The truth is, he had taken a chew
of tobacco for the first time in his life, and
having swallowed a portion of the weed, crew
deadly siak. One little fellow who seemed to
understand more fully his companion's situa
tion than any of the others, itenlly placed on
the sick boy's shoulder his hand, and said in a
voice of deep condolence:
'Never mind, Jimmy, tre all had to go through
thit very mere trial."
Old Mr. Fuddle fell down in a puddle, just
as a runaway horse and shay, came slashing,
and splashing, and tearing that way. In
helpless plight, he roared with fright the
horse cama quick all gallop and kick when
the old man raised the great oak stick. The
horse then shied a little aside, Tor sticks were
no friends to his well fed hide. Within
foot of Fuddle's toes, within an inch of
his ruby nose, the wh'el came whizzing,
and on it goes. Up rises Fuddle from out the
puddle, and stands on the road with a stag
gering pride; then wheeling away from the
scene of the fray, flourished, his stick with
"In short, ladies and gentlemen," said
an overpowering orator, "i can only say
I beg leave to add I desire fo assure you,
that I wish I had a window in my ' bus-
sum," that you might see tbe emotions of my
(Vulgar boy from the gallery) "Wouldn't
a pane in your stomach do this time?"
A youth asked hit father's sanction to his
project of marriage. The old gentleman re
questing his sun to prav with him, prayed
thst if the match was against the will of the
Lord, he would throw obstacles in their way
oiid make it impossible. The son, interrupt
ing, cried, "0, Lord, don't you do it, for
must have her any-how."
A little fellow about five years old run
across a street, and in his course ran between
the fore legs of a horse which was rapidly pas
sing along. A man who saw the occurrence,
ran and snatched the boy up, supposing he was
mucn injured, tsui tne boy, unhurt, pertly
"Let him keep hit horse out of rtv wtvi
what do 1 care."
Courting in the country is altogether
different institution from the city article.
the former place you get rosy lips, tweet ci
der, johnny cake, and girls made by nature;
and in tne taller a collection or starch phrases,
formal manners, fine silk, great jewelry, sni
gitls got up teeuudem trtrm. Always take
the rural district, when you want to get a good
styie ot cauco.
The following question was decided
week ago last Ootober "which is the oldest
berry?" We attach the answer: "The El
de rberry." '
The Russians never laugh; when they
tunny tney anooie up, vqureze their victuals,
and give thttr moustaches a turei twist.
Queer dogi ire thote btirs,"
Is published evertTIiuriaay ir)o;ninis in the
room lmmedii?JVBer tht Post Pffice, Main
Street, Eaton, Ohio, at tbe folloi rales:
ft 60 pet irinniof iff 8ne. - '-m
4'00, if norpul r')llin (Be )at. ind
CsyIh806ti j will be v&il'j er.tgrced.gf3
'Nd pspeifUscorrtinUBit 'tntit all iirearsges
ar. paid, unJeyiYt the bptiovfhi publisher.
aTAU comiounieotiohs rl?recd, lothe Ed
itor hiastaj' scat freTifAlA"t-Wi",e t
erjposv vV vT" - 1
JTNo co'mmiiniestton inaertefl; ilti$ ae
Vmpanied by a fesponsiblt riarntffc:;
yeara tgo'an awk -ern
New York, whe dbtbinea 1,5s lej jib d by
Margery, in a- blacksmith1 ahof ,lrif'-)rse
one upy; to carry a Joara OL wrought nam ta
the next town a few miles distanl. Through
his own awkwardness, nd tliitthi adrse,
and by the tinned, exertions of tife two, e eery
pretty citatUophe wat brought atodbi While
descending t Steep hill, the smith give nil. an
imal a few extta cuts, thinking to accelerate'
.his spaed in a place where gravitation second
ed the motions or tne" wnip, -out Trie sfeed
stumbled, floundered, In" ibe- ditcB; and
kicked Ihe bucket. The bladtsnrrftb',' .lijion
turning the body over, discovered that the. an
atomical harmony of the beast'neek Was lis
trojed, that the spine was dislocated beyond
the bonesetter's art, and that irt fact the how
was dead. With a rueful countenance he re
paired to the owner of the nag, tod aiked what
must be done ? The reply was, ''you must
pay for the horse.,' The blacksmith demur- '
red, and went to consult a .lawyer-, t -
The lawyer happened to be away from borne,
but his wife, who was prone to misehieviout
fun thought she saw in the client food fot a
little sport, snd inviting, bim to enter the house
remarked that she sometimes gave legal advice
in her nusDand's absence, and requested Dim
to state his case.
"Very well," said' the blacksmith, aeattns
himself, leisurely. "I'll spose a case."
"If you please that will do as well as to
state your own," taid the handsome attorney.
" Well, yer see it's just like tlj.i. S'pomn
you were an old hoss-an'-1 should drive yer to
the milt. And a'posin I should cut up the
leastest mite on the flank, and yer should rair
up and kick up. and break the breechen, ' and
finally yer should fall into the ditch, 'and
break yer curaed neck who'd pay for' yet ?
Would I ?" asked the excited Vulcan, -in a
voice of thund r. ' -
"No 1 I'd be hammered into1 korsi ihoe
nails' and be driven into the devil's clover!
foot afore I'd pay the fust red cent I'' '
By this time the volunteer counselor bad re
treated to hj door of the apartment, and aftet
informing her client with t courtesy that he
wis a plain case, and be need not. fear an ac
tion for damages,, she disappeared, resolving
never again to give advice, to her husband's
customers. - . ; t i V
fc-'Is he alive?' inquired little
he t 'zed on a lurge turtle cmvlih
of a realauraht.
'Alive!' exclaimed a faJ entlemlcho was
looking at the monster with intensnterest, '
"sartainlv, sartainly, boy. He acts like a live
turtle, don't he!' , TV' t.
'Why, yes, he o like dneV aksVtffed the V
little querist, 'but I thought perhaps be, wai
makia' btl'tve. , ,
A facetious boy esked one of bis) '
males 'Why a hardwire dealer Wat like a
bootmaker?' . ,.. SX
The latter, sorcwhat'puzzled gave itjjp.
'Why,' answered the other, 'b cause the
oite sold the nails, and the other Bailed tbe
CTThe Knickerbocker tells bf marl who
stole a five dollar bill out in Indiana. Hit
c unsel tried to prove that the note wat not
worth five dollars, it being it a discount.
The prosecutor sa d he knew that the thief
was the meanest man in the State, but he did
not think that he was so all fired mean as not
to te willing to ileal Indiana money at par. '
UTOn the 2.1d, Lot Smith, Esq., of Athens,
was nominated as the Democratic candidate
for Congress in the district composed of the
counties of Athens, Meigs, Fairfield, Hocking
and Perry, Mr. Ritchie, the present member
from that district, had declined a renbmination,
on account of ill health. Lot is a good Dem
ocrat and a glorious good fellow.
0"A young lady, Teturningl'.ate from a eon
cert, as it was raining, ordered the coachman
to drive close to the sidewalk,, but wis still
unable to step a cross the gutter. 'I can lift
you over it,' said coachy. 'Oh, no, I am too
envy ' said she. 'Lord ninrm I'm used to
lifting barrels of sucar,' replied John.
-A fellow was once asked what inference
lie could draw from the tcxtinjob, "And the
asses snuffed up the wind."
well," be replied, "the only inference I
can draw is this, that it wcnld be a long time
before they wonld grow fat upon it."
-"Massa says, kin you pay dii bill?"
"Your masttr is in a great hurry I am not
going to run away."
"iNo, but I golly, ole massa's ewine to tun
There is only one paper in Egynt. a small
monthly sheet, at four dodars a year. It is da
voted mainly to the powers that be, and every
one in the employment of the Pacha is oblig
ed to subscribe.
tlTThe Whigs of California, at their recent
State Convention, passed resolutions in favor
of the principlts of the Nebraska Bill, which
is, that the people of every territory shall frrm
their own institutions Without Congressional
"Why does father call mother honey?"
asked a boy of his elder brother.
"Can't think, 'cent it's because she hat a
large comb in her head."
"Out West," and in California, news
paper publishers have added a new feature
to their records; for, besides 'Marriages and
Deaths," "Divorces" are made regular men
Oh!' exclaimed a poor sufferer toa dentist.
'that is the s cond wiong tooth you bave
pulled out!' 'Very sorry, sir,' said the blun
dering operator, 'but aa Ihere were only three
when 1 began, I'm sure to be right the next
A pious old gentleman tod his sons not to
go, undei any circurastancea, a fishing on the
Sabbath; but if they did, by all mini bring
name ine jitn.
'I go through my work,' is the r eedlestid
to the idle boy.
'But not till you're bird nushed.'is the idle
boy said to the needle.
' --Why its widower so much like a -lease
in dilapidation? . Because it wants lo.be rc- '
PMd. , , ,
A drunkard's note is said to be a light
house, warning us of the little watertbat pas
To prevent dow from killing aheJ'p.VBb
theii heads off before they can rua abont.
Tbe worst feature in a man's face is none
when stuck into other preple't business.