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U published every Thursday morning, in the room immediately over tbe Post Office, Main Street, Eaton, Ohio, at the following rotes: tl 60 per annum, in advance. . 2 00, if not paid within the year, and .ti 60 after tbe year ha expired. tTbesertteiwill be rigidly enforced. .1 1 ' No paper discontinued until all arrearage are paid.unlessat the option of the publisher . IjTAIl communication addressed lotheEd tor must be ent free of pcstage (o insure at ention. Ofo communication inserted, unless ao companied by responsible name. , .Araerlutu Artist': Union. THE -American Artists' Union, would resoect- A fully announce to the citiseni of the TJuitcd States and the Canadas, that for the purpose of cultivating a taste for the find arts throughout the country, and with a view of enabling every janiuviu oeeome possesses, m a gallery oi in tra vines,, i By the First Artist ef the Age, TKcv huve determined, in order to Croats an h. tensive sale for their engravings, and thus not only give employment to a large uuoiber of artists ana oiuers, dui inspire among our countrymen a taste for work of art, to present to tbe purchas ers of their engravings when 230,000 of which are sold, ... .850,000 GIFTS, of the Aetna! Cost f j:; , ! ;:'! , C150.000. "Each purchaser of a One Dollar Engraving, mereioro, receives not oniy an engraving rich- ly wortn tlie money, but also a ticket which enti tleshim toonaof the Gilts when they are dis tributed.'. .' For Five Dollars a highly finished Engraving, beautifully painted in Oil, and rive Gift Tickets, will be sent; or lire Dollars worth of splendid En. gravings cau no selected irom tue Catalogue, sua tvni by return man or expross. A coprof the Catalogue, together with a speci men of one of tho Engravings, can be seen at the olHce of this paper. . For each Dollar sent an Engraving actually worth tn.1t sum, ana uut lictet, will immedi ately be forwarded: AGENTS, ' The Committee believing that the success of this Ureat National Undertaking will be maten. ally promoted by the energy auuenterpris of in telligent anu persevering Agents, nave resolved to treat with such on the most liberal terms. Any person wishing to become au Ageut, by sending (post pW,) tl, will receive by return of Mail, a one Dollar engraving, a "Uitt Ticket," .a Prospectus, a Catalogue and all other necessa rv information, : On the final completion of the sale, tho Gifts will be placed in the hands or a Committee of the -purchasers to be distributed, due u tice of which will bo giveu throughout the United States and the Canadas. LIST OP GIFTS. 100 Marble bustsuf Washington at $100 100 " ' Clay 100 100 '. " Webster 100 100 " Calhoun loo 60 elegant Oil Paintings, in splcn diagilt frames, size 8x4 ft.each 100 $10,000 10,000 10,000 10,000 5,000 100 elegant Oil raintiugs, !ix4 it. each, 600 steel plate Engravings, bril liantly colored n oil, rich gilt frames, 21x30 in. each. 10,000 elegant steel plate Engra vings, colored iu oil, of the ,: Washington Monument, 20x20 in. each, S.T,000 steel plafcengravings.from 0 J, 000 10 5,000 A ,000 100 diucrcnt plates now in po. sessiou of and pwned by the Artists' Union, of the market value of from 50 cts to (1 each, 1 first-class Dwelling, in 81st St., N. Y. city, ' i'i Building Lots in lOOandlol sts., N.Y.citv.eacb 25x100 ft. deep 1,000 109 Villa 8ites, containing each v lu,000 sq. ft. in the suburbs of N. Y. city, and enmmauding a magnificent view of the llud- 41,900 118,000 82,060 sun Kiver ana Long lsiaoa . Found. at ' 800 (4,000 . fiO perpetual loans of cash, without interest or sccuriivoiejoucai;" 60 do. do; do. 100 i)0 ' do. ' do. do. 80 SSO do. do. ' do. 20 s.nnn do. do. do. 5 5,000 6,000 5,000 6,000 10,000 Reference in regard to the Real Estate, F. J Vischii i Co.. Kent Estate Brokers, New York. Orders, (post paid.) with money enclosed, to be addressed, J.W. HOLBROOKE, Sec. 605 Broadway. N. Y ' t3f"The Engravinga in the Catalogue are now ready lor aeuver. nui.s, ju O. AliDKICII, ', " ,'" DEALER IN CHINA, GLASS-WARE, ETC., 181 Main Street, Cincinnati, Ohio. Trench China - Gold Band, China and Tea Ware; ' .White Bank, diuing and tea ware: Whit Ireniton Ware ,1 , Dining, Tea and 'toilet Ware: ; Painted Ware; j! Common White and Edge Ware; Uirondoles; Solar Lamps; '"' Plated .Spoons, Forks and Butter Knives; '' Plated and Britannia Castors: - Oerman Silver Table and Tea Spoons; ' '' Guarded and plain Lanterns; Glassware, every variety; Waiters and Tea Trays; ,j Foreign and Domestic Cutlery; - Britannia Ware. Sept- 88 v Lebanon 'CitUcn" copy. ; . . .h i : . Saddlery. 'A complete stock of every thing in this line, for i l ' A i i ' . 1 ,o U.mw alroflft VBIC C UOWO U, aw. AO ....... - CT Kendall of the New Orlean Picsyune, relates the following, which occured in his presence at Baden in Germany: Al tbi Junction we were joined.by on Eng lish parly, when the subject matter brought underdiscussion was bathing. ,,,! take cold sponge bath every morning when at home, suul John Bull. 'So do 1 retried the Yankee, .'.."Winter and sumer,' continued the English tnan. My aystem exactly,' responded the Tan. kee. : 'Is vour weather and water cold? queried JohnvBull ,,'RiKht chilly,' continued Brother ' Jona than. . , 'How cold?' inquired John fSo cold that the water all freezes asl pour it down my back, and tattlea upon the floor m the shape of. hail.", responded the xanKee, . . . . wumue same cunning iw.naie oi iue c,c.- . . 'ii r a t - CIB TUU ill II1C lit! IOUIII lO Ilia III miieum, :!"t.T.hLm!. ?n. ; JA . h ihZi. i .. ..,. ir C.. iritf vaii U7 ai I si ihinv I tira nmir ria ilrtl hAnns j. ' .. Z.-i. i . . 6 lown my back j The Englishman shrugged bif shoulders Witfc eoiil, aud marvellea ,. , t Scene in a School-room, ,. A. new pupil entered, of whom the pet igogiie inuireu , . . , -t,'Cn.yoti wad and spell?' - . , -.i-. Yes,' laid the urchin, 'I can read in the ctimer.ieud spell 'ifltet and gravy.' ., i Here the iad read and (pelt iu tbe mott ra oid manaer. ii :..-.'! t. i -' . iIn Adan'i fall, weiiiwed all John Rog. ra burst dis steak for nine small, children, and om t the 'breat t-a-t-e-r-tater, and grave r-ytaterana.gravy.' ., . ii 'You m$f take your teat, and if I beif any noise from you, I hull call you up and give ' fw a tofpag.' ai -., sw . 'Umph,' said our hero, shrugging hia shouldr ers as he wrt to his eat, I wonldu't come though if you'd give ma two,' BY W. 0. GOULD. New Series . Tl 'Fearless and EATON, PREBLE COUNTY, Free." 0. DEC 21. 1354. $l,50p or Annum inAdvance. Vol. 11, No. 27. Poetical. 0 6&Szfa?h THE BROKEN HEART. Thou ancient Sexton planting here The fragrant flowers of May, Tell me who lies beneath the sod Thou mak'st so greeu and gay? "And what rails forth the kindly tear Upon thy furrowed face. Whilst musing iu this lone churchyard This sad, yet ploasaut place V " Stranger, beneath there lieth one Unfortunate and fair; Oh ! harsh and cruel was her lot 'Twas love, air, laid her there. "Ask in the village her sad tale" He paused to plant heart's-ease, Then thoughtful gazed upon the boughs Whose music filled the breeze . And on the clouds that decked the sky With gorgrous pomp and sheen, Aye the heart's-ease will suit her now," lie said with peusive mien. "It was an old man's fancy, sir, Jo think that she must lore To see those flowers among the grass Growing her grave above. " She loved them once the gentle soul !" He brushed a tear aside, " And love of things so pure and sweet, Thin sod cau never hide. '"But if I idly dream or no, One thing 1 know is clear, That pitying tears will long be shed For her who lieth here." Mysterious Disappearance of Miss Moore. I . The community at Rochester, N..Y., ere still excited upon this subject. The Mayor of the city seems to incline to the opinion that she , y.v h.rnwn ant. tta he has not offered anv reward for obtaining any clue to the mat ter, although he has been authorized to do so by the common council. For so doing, he and the P . lice Justice, who has also been indiffer ent; are freely censured by the public. Lat terly, some new clue to the matter is said to have been obtained. Heretofore no intelli gence of her could be obtained after she left her boarding house, the residence of a Mr. Whitney, on the evening of the 14th of No vember, but now it has been discovered by-investigations at the Mayor's office, that she was at the store of Wilden & Groton, and purchas ed a pair of gloves, after she left Whitney's. She was then in company with another woman. The clerk remembers it from the fact that she offered an uncurrent Michigan bill in Payment which, upou his refusal, she said she got it of Mr. Henderson, in whose store she was em ployed as a tailoress. The inquiry now is, who was her female companion ? If she was an honest woman and resident of the city, she would have come forward end acknowledged herself before this. It is not to be supposed that they both have been murdered or abduct ed, but it is more reasonable to infer they have gone off together. These facts are given out by the Mayor, who has been singularly inef- fic ient, but are doubted by many of the citi' tens. - A correspondent of theRochester Union makes the following comments upon the oc currence, predicated on the supposition that she was not seen after she left Whitney's, "Emma Moore went from her boarding house down to the centre of the city on the alter noon of thedayon which she disappeared, and made some trifling purchases. On her return she took a customer's vest from Mr. (lender son's shop, and promised to complete and e- turn the same by the loiiowmg evening. Al ter returning home and taking tea, she worked upon that vest between one and two hours, or till half past seven o'clock. She then sud denly leu her work and her visitors, and has not since been seen, so far as the pub ic un derstand. Now was it not strange that she should leave at that late hour, alone, without giving some good excuse for so doing ? If she went down to the city to trade, as alleged, wiAm tliA mh an 7 fihe hurt tiff n nlipp that pv. emg, and must go again the next day to re turn the vest. ' It does not appear that she re' quired any thing to take her so far at so late an hour of the night. It does not appear that she went down into the city at that time at all, as the investigation has shown. It is not pretended that she was seized before 8 o'clock, nearlMr. Whitney's, and dragged away : in deed, that is improbable, when so many stores were open along North street, and so many people moving. - Or if she was, it is hardly to be supposed that the ruffians would detain her till after ten, and I hen retake her near home, when the screams were heard. Then where was she during the three hours intervening between the time she left Whitney's and the time the cries were heard ? No one domes forward to say she was visiting' at his or her house; hence she was as much lost the mu- WKi.n-.. .h,.hi,i i .k. .....u.-......: uui, on ojio uuu iter ii a h diii an uol lutni uiii(i'i t ,.,..:.,;, ' a.m, viv I "iw torn iu i a i a luuuui Buvni vit jun rf,mBrI . . .. meelinj ,he o!hel ni(rht m.i h- Umm Monro &.. fnr, thro. immediately after leaving Whitney's hou' nd we w' ten y" vb0 murdered her, if she has been murdered." "To what other conclusion can we arrive than this? that Emma Moore left her residence with the intention oi absenting'berself, or else was at once or soon after forcibly restrained or went away with strangers or acquaintance "Finally if Emma Moore uttered the screams heard in North-street, the had been three hours with strangers or aquaintances before the first crv was heard. ; Few will believe slit- was with strangers: benoe, if foully dealt wth shews first allurea away , ojr some person who possessed her oonfldenoe, Who wasui ItrAn old farmer out west was in the habit every night of pounting hi live slock, to see if any bad gone astray. He called to h s son . "John, have you counted the hogs "Yes, sir.":, .. , ,,, ., ...f.!i.' , "And tlie turkey cows n4 iheep V'. . llV.i lr ."Well then, John, go and wake up the,, old nen, count ner, ana tueq go to Deu," [Form the Detroit Daily Advertiser:] Doesticks Invents a Patent Medicine. NEW YORK, Nov, 6 1854. Seventy Hundred and One Narrow sreet. Congratulate me my fortune is made I am immortalized, and I've done it myself. I nave gone into the pntent medecine business. My name will be handed down to posterityas that of a universsl benefactor. The hsnd which hereafter writes upon the record of fame the names of Ayer, Sands, Townsend, Moffat, Morrison, and Brandi.'th, must also inscribe, side by aide with these appellations, the no less distinguished cognomen of the undying Doesticks. Emulous of deathly notoriety which has been acquired by the medical worthies just mentioned, I also resolved to achieve a name and fortune in the same re putable and honest manner. Br.ueht a pal- ion of tar, a cake of beeswax, and a firkin of lard, and in twenty one hours I presented to the world the first hatch of "Doettick's Pa tent Self -Acting Four llurtt Power Ual$am," designed to cure all diseases of the mind, bod) or estate, to give strength to the weak, money to the poor, bread and (utter to the hungry, boots to the bare-foot, decency to DiacKguarus, and common sense to the know nothings. It acts physically, morally, men tally, psychologicaly, physiologically anj geo logically, and it is intended to make our sub lunary sphere a blissful paradise, to which Heaven itself shall be but a side show, 1 have not yet brought it to absolute per fee uon, dui even now it acts with immense force, as you will perceive by the accompa nying testimonials, and lecords of my own in dividual experience, lou will observe that I have notresorted to a usual manner of prepnr ing certificates : which is to be certain that all those intended for Eastern circulation, shnll come from some formerly unheard of place in the West, while those sent to the West.shall be dated at some place fotty miles East of Sun-rise, but 1 semi to you, ns representing tne western country, a certificate from an f., c. .... ... . VICUU IU1IIJC1 i , "Dear Sir : The land comprising my farm has hitherto been so poor that a Scotchman could not get his living olT of it; and so stony that we had to slice our potatoes and plant them edgeways; but hearing of your balsam; I put some on the corner of a ten acre lot, sur rounded by a rail fence and in the morning I found the rocks had entirely disn peared a neat stone wall encircled the fields, and the rails were split into oven uood and piled up symmetrically iu my bnck yard. Put about half an ounce into the middle of a huckleber ry swamp in two days it was cleared off, planted with corn and pumkins and had a row of peach trees in full bloom through the mid dle. As an evidence of its tremendous strength, 1 would state that it drew a striking likeness of my eldest daughter drew my youngest boy out of the mill pond drew a blister all over his rtomach drew a load of potatoes four miles to market, and eventually drew a prize of ninety seven dollars in the Slate lottery. And the effect upon the in habitants hereabout has been so wonderful that they have opened their eyes to the good of the counlry.and Ihey are determined to vote for a Governor who is apposed to frosts in the middle of June, and who will make a posi tive law against freshets, bail storms, and the seventeen year locusts." There isn't th t some? But I give one more from a member of the senior class in a west em College, who, although misguided, neg lected and ignorant, is undoubtedly as honest aud sincere as his Prussianized system will admitof. I have corrected tlie orthography and revised some ot the gramatical inaccuracies; but, besides attending to these trifles.inserling marks of punctuation, and putting the copi tals in tbe right places. I assure you I have made no alteration. SALL HARBOR, June 21, 1854. My Dear Doctor: (You know that I at tended medical lectures half a winter, aid once assisted to get a c ooked needle out of baby's leg; so 1 understand perfectly well the theoiy, and practice of medicine, and the Doctor is perfectly intimate underihe Prussian system.) by the incessant study require'! this establishment, I had become worn down so thin that I was obliged to put on an over coat to casta shadow but accidently hearing of your balsam, I obtained a quantity, and, obedience to the Homeopathic principles this institution, took an mjimletmal dose only; in four days I measured one hundred and eighty-two inches round the waiste could chop eleven cords of hickory wood in two hours and a halt; on a bet carried a yoke oxen two miles and a quarter in my left banc my right being tied behind me, and if any one doubts the (act, the oxen are still to be seen "About two weeks after this, I had the pleasure of participating in a gun-powder ex plosion, on which ocasion my arms and legs were scattered over tbe vilhage, and my man gled remains pretty equally distributed through out the entire country. Under these circum stances my life was dispart d of.and my class mates had bought a pine coffin, and borrowed whole shirts to attend the funeral in: when the invincible power of your four horse power baisun (wnicn i happened to have in my vest pocket) suddenly brought together the scat term pieces of my body collected my limbs Irom the rural districts put new life into shattered frame, and I was restored uninjured to my lriemis, with a new setot double teeth. I have preserved the lable which enveloped the bottle, and had it sewed to the seat of pantaloons, and I now bid grim death' defi ance, lor l leei thai i am unkiiiaoie, and fact I am even now designated the 'Great Wettern' Achilles. ' Ski Hv." I feel after this Mr. Editor, I need give you no more reports of third persons, but will nev ertheless detail some of my own personal ex perience ot the article. I caused some to ap lied. to the Washtenaw bank, after failure, and while the balsam lasted, the redeemed its notes with specie.' The cork one of the bottles dropped upon the head of childless widow, and in six weeks she had blooming husband. Administered some to hack driver in a glass of gin and sugar, and that day he swindled but seven persons, and only gave two of them bad money in change. Uave a few drops gratis to a poor woman who was earning a precarious subsistence by ma king calico shirtv with a one-eyed needle.and the next day she waa discovered to be heir a large fortune. The Know-Kothing candi date for Mayor of tho city has sent for a bottle and it has entirely cured him of a violent verbal diarrhoea. Gave some to an up- actor, anJ that night ha said "damned" only twenty-one times. One, of the Daily papers got the next dose, and the next edition but one there were four editoral falshoods, seven indecent adveitisemen's.and two columns and a hall of home made "Foreign Correspond ence." Caused fifteen .drops to be. given the low commedian oft Broadway theatre, and that night he was positively dressed more like a man than a monkey aotunlly spoke some lines of tbe author mode ouly three io- i sane attempts at puerile witicisms only twice went out of his way to introduce some grossly indelicate line into bispsrt, and for wonder, i lost so much of his self-conceit that for full half an hour he did not be live himself the greatest commedian in the world. Gave some to a news boy and he manufactured but three fires, a couple of murdtrs, and one horrible railroad accident, in the next thirty minutes. Put some on the outside of the Crystal Palace and the same day the stock went from 22 to 44. Our whole Empire City is entirely chon- ed by the miraculous power of "Doesiick's Patent Self-Acting four Horse Power Bal sam." The gas is lighted on dark nights, in stead of moon-light evenings there are no more highway robberies in the streets, if there are, the offenders, when arrested, are instant ly discharged by the police magistrate. No more building materials on the sidewalks; no more midnight murders, no more Sunday rows; no more dirty streets; no more duels in Hoboken, and no more lies in the newspapers. Broadway is swept and garnished; the M. P.'s are civil; and the boys don't steal anymore dogs. In fact, so well content are we with our city, that we feel, as the Hibernian poet so beautifully says O, if there bean Elysiao on earth -It is this it is this. Orders for my Balsam, accompanied by the money, will be immediately attended to; oth erwise, not, for my partner and I have re solved to sell for cash only, feel, ng as did Dr. Young, who approptiately and feelingly re marks "We take no notes on time," Dr. Q. K. PHILANDER DOESTICKS, P. B., M. D. P. S. Bull Dogge says I piled it up too strong, and that no one will believe what he calls "that humbug about the newspapers, and the preposterous nonsense concerning the Broadway Actor." I am aware that in these instances my medicines has performed a mod ern miracle, but the facta remain, "no less true, than strange." Dr. Q. K. D., P, B,, M, D, Popping the Question. a in in of of Jedediah Hodge was dead in love with the beauteous Sally Hammond, but owing to an unconquerable feeling of diffidence, he had never beeu able to screw up his courage to the sticking point requsite to enable him to inform her ot his predilection. Three several times he had dressed up in his'"Sunday go-to meeting-fixins," and made his way to her father's house, determined this time to uo or die. But, unluckily, his courage oozed away a nd became small m drgiees and beuutifu less, as the politicians say, till, when he was fairly in her presence, he wasbartly able to remark that it was a warm evening. Sally got tired at length of this oft r iterated ob servation, and resolved to help him out of his predicament, for, like a true woman, she had not failed to perceive what Jedediah was try' ing tofcome at, but couldn't. Fur the f urth time Jedediah came, but did not succeed any better. Sally commenced her attack by in forming him that Mary Somers, an intimate friend, was going to be married. "You don't say so," said Jedediah, that be ing the only idea that occurred to him, except one, ami that he diden't dare to give utter a nee to. 'Yes," said Sally, "she's going to be mar ried next week. It seems rather queer that she Should be married before me, considering she's a year younger." Jedediah's heart leaped up in his throat. but he diden't venlute to say any thing. There was a pause. "Jedediah," resumed Sally, after a little hesitation, " I'll tell you something, if you'll promise certain true that you won't tell any body." ' "No, I won't," said Jedediah, stoutly proud in the confidence reposed in him. "It isn't much after all," said Sally.castina down her eyes, "only a dream, and I don't know whether I ought to tell you ofler all, though to be sure there was someiing aboutyou in it." "Dotell me," pleaded Jedediah, his curi osity overcoming his bashlulnees in a degree. "But I am afraid you'll tell after all." "No, I won't, certain true. I hope I may be horsewhipped if I do." "Then don't look at me Jedediah, or I can't tell it I dreamed that that thaiyou and 1 I never shall be able to tell you that you and I were going to be married the day before Mary Somers." Jedediah started, as ifrtruck by n galvanic battery, and shouted enthusiastically, "Ao ice will, goah, if you'll only say the word. Of course Sallv was astonished at this sud den application of tier dream, and could not believe he was in earnest, ai length sue yielded her consent and her dreamed was ver ified at the altar in less than a ween. Ladies that have bashful lovers, take heed ! my my in be its tJj""My lad," said a traveler to a little fel low, whom he met, clothed in pants arid small jacket, but without a very necessary article of apparel, "my lad, wnere is your snin r ' Mammy's washing it," , "Have you no other?" "No other I" exclaimed the urching in sur prise, "would you want a boy to have a thousand shirts?" fjA few days since, a son of the Emerald Isle made his appearance at a livery stable, and called for a horse and buggy, wherewith to attend a funeral. The command was obey- i ed and the horse and buggy stood ready. Whereupon Pit inquired as lo.theamount nec essary for the hire. "Three dollars," was the reply. . "Thiee dollars ! Uch, it's not the baste I want to buy it's the rint of him I'm after." Pal traveled. Good Excuse. of a a a to A doctor had a very intimate friend, whom he was accustomed to meet every day; but at length the latter avoided him, and the Doctor could never get near enough to speak t word to him. But one day happening to come sud denly upon his friend, tbe doctor saluted him with ' Hnw. rnmes it. mv friend, that I never get to see you of late that you try to keep out of my way ?" "Why, the fact is," he replied, '.'I -haven't been sick for so long, that 1 am ashamed to meet a doctor I" The use of Money, to j A vain man' motto "Win gold, and wear it.". r'.i , i A generous man's 'Win gold and share it.' ' A miser's 'Win gold and spare it.' A piofligate'-'Win gold and spend it A broker' 'Win gold and lend it , ; A fool's Win gold and end iU", , ,; , ' A gambler' 'Win, gold and lose it.' , Aailor' 'Win gold and aruise it., 1 A wise man's-r-'Wio gold and use it.'- :: [By Request.] There is a Brighter Heaven. The faithless world promiscuous flows, Enrnnt in fancy's vision ; Allured by sound, beguiled by shows. And empty dreams, nor scarcely kuowa There is a brighter hcavcu., Fine gold will change, and diamonds fade, Swift wings to wealth be given; AH-varyiug time our forms invade. The seasons roll, light sink in shade There's nothing lasts but heareu. Creation's mighty fabric all Will be to atoms riven ; Tho sky consumed, the planets fall, Convulsions rock tins earthly ball, There's nothing tirm but heaven. This world with all its wealth is poor, And like a baseless vision, Its lofty domes aud brilliant ore, Its genu and crowus are vain and poor, There's nothing rich but heaveu. A stranger lonely here I roam, From place to place I'm driven ; My friends are gone, and I'm iu gloom, Tiiis earth is lonely as a tomb, I have uo home but beaveu. The clouds disjierse, the light appears, II v sins are all forgiven: Triumphant grace has quelled my fears; Boll on, ye suns, fly swift, ye ycurs, I'm ou the wiug for heaveu. And now I bid the world adieu, Let life's dull chains bo riven; The charms of Christ have caught my view, The world of light I will pursue, To live with him iu heaveu. OPPOSED TO MATRIMONY. "Isyr-ur family opposed to matrimony?" "Wal, no, I rather guess not, seein' as how my mother has had four hucbonds, an' stans a pretty smart chance for bavin' another," "Pour husband;,! It is impossible." "O yes. You see my mother's christened name was Mehitable Sheets, an' dad's name was Jacob Preis, and when they got murri d the printers said it was puttin the sheets to press. When I was bom Ihey said it was the first edition. An' you see, mother used tube the tarnalist critter to go to evenin' ineelin'. She used to go out pretty late every night, an' dad was afeered I'd get in the same habit, so he used to put me to bed at eijly candle-light cover me up with a pillar, an' put me to sleep with a boot jack. Wal, dad had got up every night an' let mother in; if he didn't git down and open the door pretty darned quick when she cum, he'd catch particular thunder; so dad used to sleep with his head out of the win der, so's to wake up quick, an1 one night he got his head a leetle too fur out, an' slipped out altogether; an' down dad cum, caflumux right down on the pavement, au' smashed him in ten thousand pieces I" ' "What was he killed by the fall ?" "Wal, no, not exactly killed by the fall. I rayther, kindersorler guess it was the sudden feichin' up on tho pavement that killed him. But mam she cum hum, an' found him lyin' thar, an she had him swept up together, an' put in a toflin, an' had a hole dug in the but ryin' groun', an' had dnd put in an' buried up, an' had a while-oak plank put up to his lied, an' Lad it whitewashed all over for a tomb stone." " So your mother was left a poor lone widow I" "Wal, yes, but she didn't mind that much; wasn't lone belore she married Sam Hide, you see she mnrrieu Hide because he was just dad's size, and she wanted hun to wear out dad's clothes. Wal, the way old Hide used to hide me was a caution to my hide. Hide had little the toughest hide of any hide except a bull's hide, and the way Hide used to hide away liquor in his hide, was a caution even t" a bull's hide. Wol, one cold day old Hide got his hide so full of whisky that he pitched hed first into a (.now bunk, an' there he stuck ant', friz to death. So mam had him p .lied out, an' had him laid out, an' then she had ai other hole dug in the burryiu' groun' an' had him buried, an' then she had another white-oak plank put up nt his head an' white washed all over, an'" "So your mother was again a widow I" "O, yes, but I guess she didn't lay awake long to think about it, for in about three weeks she married Sam Strong, and he was the strongest headed cuss you ever did sec He went a fishin' the other day an' got drowned an' he was so tnrual strong-headed, I'll be darned to darnntion if he didn't floal right agin the current, an' they found him above three mile3 above the stream, an' it took three yoke of cattle to haul him out. Wal, mam had qim buried along side o' 'tolhertwo, and had a White-oak plank put up at his head, an' white-Wished all over nice, so there's three on 'em all in a row." "And your mother, was a widow for a third time !" "Yes, but mam didn't seem to mind it a tai nal sight. The next feller she married was Jacob Hays, and the way mam did moke him haze is a caution, now I tell ye. ii ne does anything a little out of the way, mam makes hirn take a bucket an' a white wash brush, an' go right up to the burryiu' groun' an' white-wash the three oak planks, just to let hirn know what he may come to when he's planted in the same row, and she's got mar ried to the filth husband. So you see my fam ily nrn't a tarnal sight opposed to a dose of matrimony." The Belle and the Student. At a certain splendid evening party, a hnughtv young beauty turned to student who slood near her, and said: "Cousin John, I uuderstand your eccentric friend L is here ; I have a great curiosity to see him. Do bring him here, and introduce him to me." The student went in search of his friend, nnd at length found him lounging on a sofa. "Come, L ," said he, "my beautiful cousin Catharine wishes to be introduced to you." "Well trot her out, John," drawled L , with an affected yawn. John returned to his cousin, and advised her to defer the introduction to a more favor able time, repeating the answer he had receiv ed. The beauty bit her lip, but the next mo ment said: "Well, never fear! 1 insist on lipinir introduced. After some delay, L was led up, and the ceremony Of introduction performed. Agreeably surprised by 'he beauty and com manding appearance of Catharine, L made a profound bow; but instead of returning it, she stepped backward, and raising her eye-glass surveyed him deliberately from head to foot; then waving the baci-oi ner hand towatd him, drawled out: . , :i v j i ; .; . ."Trot him .off, John,, trot him off, that .is enough n -) L . ; 0Tris line moke up tbe column.. ; ; IK 25 8,60 5,00 8,0 15,00 18,00 30,00 All over square charged as two squares. ItrAdverlisemen's inserted till fordid at the expense of tbe advertiser, ' One square, (or les) 3 insertions, " " Each additional inrtrtion, Three month, - - -" " Six mouths, - - - ,i Twelvemonths, -' - - One fourth of a column per year, half " " " " -" column " " " JOB WORK Executed at this Office with nestnes and despatch, at the lowect possible rates. . Art of a Yankee Painter. A person who kep! n Inn by the road side went to a painter, who for a tme had set his easel not a hundred miles from Luke Onta rio, and inquired for what sum the painter would paint him a bear for a signboard.' It was l be "a real good one," that would at tract customers. "Fifteen dollars," replied the painter . "That's too much!" said the Innkeeper; "Tom Larkens will do it for ten." The painter cogitated for a moment. He did not like that his rival should get a com mission in prefrence to himself, rllhougli it was only for a sign-board. "Is it to be a wild or tame bear ?" he in quired. MlVitli o rlint,, nr urilliAiif tn ?' again asked the painter. "Without a chain." , "Well, 111 paint you f wild bear, with (Ut a chain for ten dollors." The bargain was struck, the painter set to work, and in due time sent home -the sign board, on which he had puinled a huge brown bear of a most ferocious aspect, the sign board was the admi ration of all the neighbor hood, and drew nlenty'of customer to ihe Inn: and the Innkeeper knew not whether to con gratulate himself more upon the possession of so attractive a sign, or on having secured it fur the small si. m of ten dollars. Time slip ped on, his barrels were empty, and his pock ets filled. Everything went on thriving for three weeks, when one uiuht there arose one of those violent storms of rain and wind, thunder and lightning, which ure so common in North America, and which passes over almost ns rapidly as they rise. When the Inn keeper awoke next morning, the sun was shi ning, the birds singing, and ell traces of the storm had passed uway. He looked up anx iously to ascertain that his sign was tale. There it was sure enough, swinging toand- fro as usual, but the bear had disappeared. The Innkeeper could hardly belit-ve his eyes ; full of surprise and anger, , he ran to the 'painter, and related what had happened. The painter looked up cooly from his work. "Was it a wild bear or a tame one ?" "A wild bear." "Was it chained or not!?" "I guss not." " I hen," cried the painter triumpnnthly, "how could you expect a wild bear to remain in such a storm as that of last night without a chain." The Innkeeper had nothing to say against so conclusive an argument, an I finally agreed to give the painter fifteen dollars to paint him a wild bear with a chain, that would not lake to the woods in the ncxtsiorm. For the benefit of our profession renders, it may be necessary to state that the roguish painter had painted, the first bear. in water col: ors, which had been washed away by the rain; the second bear was painted in oil colors, and was therefore able to stand the weather. Our Becky and the Blue Jacket. A young damsel, who is engaged, nnd will shortly be united to a gallant son of Neptune, lately visited the Mariner's Church. During the sermon the parson discoursed eloquently and with much earnestness, of the dangers and temptations of the sailor. He concluded by asking the following question; "Is there any one who thinks anything of him who wears a tarpaulin hat and blue jacket; or a pair of trousers nmde of duck ? In short, is there one who cares ought for the poor sailor I" A little girl, a shier of the damsel, jumped up, and. loosing nrcniy ai ner sisier, saiu iu a loneiouu enough for every one to hear, "Yes, sir; our Beckey does !" Felling Appeal. Shop-keeper. "Thai's n bad fifty cent piece, sir; I can't take it ; U s only lead, sil vered over. Customer. "Well, now, admitting such to be the fact, I should say that the ingenuity displayed in the deception might induce you to accept it. A lmire, sir, tie devotion or the artist to the divine idea of Liberty. Liberty, the idol of us all ! He having wrought her ef figy in humble lead, in order to render it wor thier of that glorious impression, resorts to the) harmless expediency of silvering it over ! And shall we harshly repudiate his work ? Oh, no, sir ! You'll loke it, I know you will." Ofrs. Partington is still alive and kicking. The breuking of l:anks don't appear to impair the old lady's good humor in the lease. Hear her. "As to the free love, doctorings," said Mrs. Partington, with a face as benevolent as a thanksgiving dinner, "I don't know much about 'em, but it seems to me they needent cause much fear where any love exists at all Where hearts bear responsible to each other, and where they are mouldered together by early love and plenty of children, depend on it no iree love uoctonngs cau do 'em any harm." U-Thiirlow Weed, the editor of the Albany evening Journal, in the midst of all the dirty turmoil of politics, has found leisure to enter into the cultivation of babies. He is now the lather of eighteen children his prolific help mate having presented with one every eleven months since their marriage. We should soy uiui mm veeu was rainer a luxuriant kuiu oi vegetation, anyhow. . Clean Hands. A gentleman playing whist with an intimate friend, who seemed, as far as hands were con-. cemed, to hold the Mohainedan doctrine of. ablution in supreme contempt, said' to him, in a countenauce "more in sorrow than man-' ger : ". . . . ''."! "My good fellow, if dirt were trumps what a hand you would have." BTOld age is coming on me rapidly," as the. urchin said when he wassiealing apples from sn old man's garden, and saw the owner com-' ing, cowhide in hand. ;f ,; 0 " The victory is not aiwavs to the strong," as the boy said when he killed a skunk: with a bnck-baU ' ; A Patriarch Located. i A clergyman, n reach in? a sermon nn xnm particular patriarch, was extremely high iit his panegyric, and spoke of him as far excelU im PVPrV ftflinf In IKa neUnav II. U view of the celestial hierarchy, but in vain-;1 qe couiu not assign io his saint a place worthy, so many virtues as he possessed; every sen-, tnce ended thus: "Where, then, can we nlace this erear ra' triarch ?" . :. -. . .v One of the -congregation, tired at )as.of the-, repetition exclaimed . , "As I sm going away, you may. fiut him in, ttTREAD TBS ADYKRT SEMENTS