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iiHfcji peiaof rat. "
It publitbed every Thursday morning, in Ui
loom Immedittely over tbe Post Office, Main
Street, Eiton, Ohio, at tbe following rale:
$1 80 pet annum, in advance.
12 00, if not paid within tbe year, and
S3 60 after the year hat expired.
yTbe rites will be rigidlyeoforced.
No paper discontinued until all arrearage
are paid, unless at the option of the publisher
ffJPAll communications addressed lotlie Ed
tor must be sent free of pcstage to insure at
ention. 0"No communication inserled, unless ac
componied by a responsible name.
[From the Detroit Advertiser.]
Doestick's Sees the Millerites.
New York, Nov. 13 1854.
Seventy Hundred and one Narrow St.
Mv friend Damphocl Intely became convinc
ed that, according to the comforlnble predic
tion of Mr. Miller, the "end of the earlh"
-would become speedily visible to the naked
yf,.f s thai cmiauie genuemnn nau auveruseu
the world to burn on the fifteenth. Accord
ing to the programme, the entertainment was
lo commence wi:h a trumpet solo by Gabriel,
(not the one of City Hall celebrity,) tn bel
lowed by a general "sitting up stairs," and a
grand mass meeting of the illustrious defunct
after which "the elect" were lo start for
Paradise in a special conveyance provided for
their accommodation- the whole to conclude
with a splendid display of (ire works in the
evening. Damphool had done nothing but
ting songs for a week. Bull Dngee, who was
also a convert, had packed up his wardrobe in
a hat box, and left the city; saying that he
owned foriv shares in a Kentucky coal mine,
nil was toine tn take possession of his prop
erly; and he offered to bet us the drinks that
if he stood on & vein of that coal, he wou Id be
ihe last man scorched.
Damphool squared off bis board bill and paid
his washerwoman, who led him dead broke j
old his watch to a blaspheming .lew. lo tain
money with which to procure an ascension
robe, in order to do honor lo the occasion ; he
got one made of linen cambrick ; il was a trifle
too lone, and out him maliglantly under the
arm, but he bote it like a martyr, be got
ahaved, took a bath, put on his robe, bid me
farewell, and got ready to go up. I discover
ed the place from which they were goinn to
start, and went up myself lo see the operation
in a vacant lot, where there were no trees
to catch their skirts in their anticipated flight
-laree crowd on the ground; one maiden lady
in a lone white gown, and also dressed her
Ud doe in a similar manner: a man with a
family bible in his hand, had forgotten his
robe, and come in bis shirt sleeves; ancient
wench in a while night gow n, wun red stioes
and vellow handkerchief around her head,
knelt down in a small puddle of rain water,
and prayed to take her up easy, and not butt
her sore ancle; lady from East Broadway,
came in a robe cut low in the neck, and trim
med with five flounces; red-haired woman
made her appearance with a cryipg baby, to
the niter consternation of the company, who
e. pec led logo lo Heaven, and hart no relish
for a preliminary taste of the oilier place,
careful old lady brought her overshoes in her
work basket, lo wear home in case the per
' (ormance should he postponed; little girl had
her, doll, and her three yeat old brothel had
hoop, a tin whistle, and a painted kite; poor
washerwoman came, but she had only a cot
ton robe and a "tant pattern of that, the more
aristocratic ladies moved farther away, and
tmelt their cologne, while the poor woman
knelt down in the corner, with her face
the fence, Sixth Avenue lady came in a white
satin robe, and n boy to hold up her '.rain,
and her own hands full of visiting cards;
efrican brunette carried a cushion for hermis
trets to kneel upon, and a man followed be
hind with her basket containing her certifi
aite of church membership, a gilt edged pray
rbook. two mince pies, and some ham sand-
wifhers: old crinnle hobbled up, at he was
devoutly saving his prayers, a bad boy (whe
had not made any preparation lor airial travel
ing,) stole his Clinch to make a ball club.
Crowd began toseperate into knots, according
to their different creeds and beliefs, Unitari
ans. Boplists, Presbyterians, and Methodists,
Postering round their respective preachers.
I noticed that or.eold lady, evidently believ-
iug in the perfect sanctity of hei darling mill
iner, and desiring to insure her own passage,
had tied herself to bis left leg with a
line. Baptist man pieaching close commu
nion. ; Presbyterian man was descanting
. the accountability of infants, nnd assertion
that a child three years old can commit suf
ficient sin to doom it to the lowest hell.
Sunrise-all knelt down to pray; east wind
blew, nnd it began lo rain. I noticed
.'Damphool had found a dry place on Ihe lee
aide of a cider barrel. Methodist man
, off his coat, nnd made a stump prayer, while
oil his congregation yelled "Uiory." n.ip:ii
man inserled a rpecial clause in uis suppllca
. tion, that he and his crowd might go up r.i
aeperate boat, ministers all at each other,
or nobody. Know Nothing clergyman
a long-winded political prayer lo
Almighty, detailing tbe latest election returns,
. deploring the choice of the opposite candidate,
1 impjoring his blessing on the next Governor,
"(if the world ihould stand,) insinuated lhat
expected the nomination himself; and conclu
ded by advising Him to exclude from Heaven
' all foreigners, or they would refuse to live
to regulations, and would certainly kick up
row among the celestials. Down-town
n hand, ready to go up, tried to vpray,
frtm want of practice, could only utter
disjointed sentences about "tincurrent funds,
money market, Erie down to 36." (Damp
hool whispered that if that man ever got
heaven he would melt down the golden
into coin, and let it out at two per cent,
month,) began to rain harder; wind decidely
chilly; their teeth chattered with cold,
they began lo throw stones promiscuos prny
iai! on every side. Methodir.t man sto: ped
the midst ef a long,' touching supplication
cuff the ears of a little boy who lnl him with
' bricki hours slipped away, began lo think
' entertainment was "postponed on uccount
the weather." Noon came, loins were
half so scared as they were in the morning;
minister had tot too hoarse to talk, and
nassine the lime in kissing the sisters. Damp
hool looked to chilly thai I got him a glass
hot whisky punch: he looked at me with
holy horror, and went on with his prayer,
before he got to "smen," the punch had
appeared; husband of red haired woman
and ordered her to to home and wash
tbreakfast dishes and then mend his Sunday
' One o'clock, teal began to cool off; at
the enthusiasm was below par, at three
rain poured so lhat I thought that an altera
tion in the Litany would be necessary to
it read, "have mercy on us poor miserable
twimmcrt. Small boy threw a handfnll
gravel at the long Methodist man, which
him in the face, and made him look like
mulatto with the small pox. Long Methodist
man hunohed small boy with fence mil.
Four o'clock i Gabriel hadn't come yet.
Damoh ol, much disappointed, muttered
i thing about being "sold," people evidently
- getting hungry; no loaves or shea on ,
ground; woman with two children said
' ' wat going home to put them in the Iruadte
Vd; long mart looked round to tee,- no
wa looking, (hen tucked bit robe under
, m, got tree lD iej.ee, ana iiincq rer
BY W. C. GOULD.
"Fearless and Free."
$l,50per Annum in Advance.
EATON, TREBLE COUNTY, 0. FEB, 15, 1855
Vol. 11, No, 35.
one dog-trot. Dark; no Signs of fireworks'
yet; pyrotechnic exhibition not likely to coin-
mence for some time; Crowd Impatient; (I
here missed Damphool, and found him an
hour afterwards paying his devotions' to an
eighteen penuv ftysterstew tnd a mug of ale.)
Staid an hour longer, when the crowd began.
to disperse, wilh their ascension robes so bad-
rtmoi'lp.l iht if thev had received a second
' v- ... .
vinnmnii. m ,n. won d have taken an extra
qunntityofsoap-snds to make them presentable,
nmona fl.crfnt all pels. i
Ann.iui pi mvse i a enmm nee or nve
look into the matter; offered the following
resolution, which I unanimously adopted:
Resulted, That putting on n clean slii t to
go to heaven in, don't always result ir. getting 1
evn Ihoueh the lails beof extra length:
and mat the creed mat teaches such a mn'ie
of procedure is a farcical theoloey, fully wor
thy to ue ranked among the many oilier ex
cellent "sells" of that veteran joker of world
wide celebrity Jo Miller.
Q. K. PHILANDER DOESTICKS, P. B.
The Lamentation of Me, Doestick's.
Seventy hundred and one. Narrow St.
New York, Jan. 23, 1855.
Sorrow is upon the heart, a heavy grief upon
the soul, and a great affliction in the home of
me, lioestic-s. My friend, the charm of my
chamber, the comforter of my lonely hours,
the treasure of my heart, the light of my ever,
the sunshine of my txistance, the hoimwer of
my clean shirts, and my Sunday pantaloans,
the permanent clothing nnd faney goods debt
or of my life, is no more. My sack -cloth gar
ment is not yet complete, my tailor having dis
appointed me; but dust nnd ashes lie in alter
nate strata, unuisturoeu upon wie new oi me,
Dnesticks. Weep with mesympntlnting world,
bear a helping hand to lift away this heavy
load of sorrowful sorrow, of woeful woe, of
bi'tcr bitterness, of agonizing ajnny, of wret
died wretchedness, and torturing torture.f
which now afflicts with its its direful weight,
the bead of me, Doestinks. I grieve, I mourn,
I lament, I weep, I suffer, I pine, I droop; 1
despair, I writhe in agony, I ftd had.
I'nnipho'il has departed this life.
He is buried, but he is not dead; he is en
tombed, but be is still alive. After a metrop
olitan existencoofa few months had puriially
relieved him of his rural verdure; after haviitg
seen with appreciating eyes the suburbs or
town which alone contains the entire nnd un
divided Elrphmt, he has voluntarily exiled
himself to a stagnant village in the Wes'ern
wilderness -a sleepily malicious little, townlet
vainly, for many years, aspiring to the dig
nity of city-houl, but which still remains
very baby, of a city not yet (mctiphoricnlly
speaking) divested of those rudimentary trinn-
gular garments peculiar to wenKiiiu'S in nn
undeveloped state wilhout energy enough
cry when it it is hurt, orgo-ahead-ismsuflicient
o hei.p its nose clean.
A somnambulistic town for in spite of all
the efforts made for it glorification, it has ob-
.linoiflv tc fused tii nhake off it munieinnlj
.i...-.;na.e.a vt-rv nin Vnn "Winkle nf n 'own.
nnw in the midst of its twenty venrs nan, and
ut.iM, u-iii nniiisH sometime anil find itself
.lilnnidatrl lhat its former friends wont recog-'
niei'-i tmvn which actualizes that ancient:
faille nf ihe hair and tortoise and, trusting
its capability of speed, has gone fast as'eepat
Hie beginning of the course, only loawnken
enmo future day to the fact, that, all 1M tor-
loise neighbors have pissed iton the way, nnd
it has been distanced in the race, rather than
be distmbed in its comfortable snooze.
very sepulchre of a town, into which if a man
wou'd be a voyager in ine si ream oi earneir.
life be cast away and stranded, he is as much
lost to the living world, ns if he were embalm
ed with oriental spices, nnd shelved away
the darkest tomb of the Pharoohs. A town
whose fu'ure greatness exists only in the im
agination of its deluded habiters, whose enter
prise and public spirit are a fabulous as
Phoenix. A town whicbwill never be a city,
save in name, until telegraphs, railroads, col
l,.irp: elnirehes. libraries and busy ware bouses
indinenioiis lo the.soilof the Wolve-
riiiH. and soring like mushroons from
earth, without the aid of human mind to plan,
or human will to urite the work, or human
hand lo place one single stone.
For, sooner than this dormant town shall
matured into a flourishing city by the men
doze away their time within its sleepy limits,
the dead men of Greenwood shai: rie irom
.i.: . ,uo. .,,,1 nil il.ir marble m
...i :.'., .,n,'a.mnn- market h"iise
mucins ...i- .......... - -
V hnra liiia the la't .UnKnlPl lamtlhOn
In linril Inmcolf i-t il h I iO, i 111, I II PO-ll
an nndUniited title tri the expressive r.ame
k,.. . .,,,1 T tin nnlu hnna in lii Pvilp. RnmH
slrav 'newnpcr ma v'be wrecked within
reneh. that he may come to Know uie present
heartfelt, lament of m, Doeiicks.
I have ever tried, O migli'y Damphool,
forgive thy faults and overlook thy frailties
have insinuated that thou wert selfish
even unto meanness "iuiea abe7" some
have said that thou wert lazy, but such
never seen thee eat. That thou wert foppish
to a degree! I could forgive thy Shanghai
coats, thy two acre turn down collars, and
' r' ........ . i . .
pantaloons so tight that inoit nansi 10
them on with boot hooks; thy gorgeous cravat;
wilhita bow projecting on either Side like
silken wing; thy lemon colored kids; thy cam-
shawl, which made tnee resemble a hall breed
Scotchman. I con . overtook me nnnruinui"'
ion .i man. i v u i.ir.i
unmeaning prose, wr.n oyspepno fuiiipioiiua,
of hard fortune, or minous repining? m
tot, and all the senseless an iness wmu ..,.,
dst inscribe therein. 1 could em.ure ine
Ue.taA nn thnn didst assume belore the
r - .
boarders, that they might think and call
Poet; the abstracted air, the appearance of
inglos: in thought and the sudden recovery
thy truant wits wun a tpasmou 0 awri
affection, ho constant to thy first
shirt collar loose at the neck, and turned
manticaiiy uown over ine cum,- mc .ui.y
brushed back behind thy nolicable ears,
show thy "marble forehead." co.mir
that self appreciation of persona charms
made thee certain all you ng J' e e s
onto matrimony with thy. facmal ;ins.
-p fried oysters; and how attentive to
choice of thy maturer judgment boiled
key, with celery. How unwavering m
economy, never parting witht dime in charity,
in' generosity, or in friendly gift; but only
the same for a full equivalent in
wherewithal to decorate the outer man, orgrat
ifv tha inner ind ividual. How consistent
thy devotion to music and the drama;
attending the opera or theatre whenever
rriepdt would buy tbee tickets.
tn intense appreciation hdt thou of literature
always going fast aaleep over anything
substantial than the morning ptpr.
fashionably tincera in al by mofetslooi
....... ' V .
piety, attending church on Sunday, reading
the responses when they could be easily found
and sleeping through the seinTOn with as much
respectability as any church member of them
all; truly, most estimable Damphool, 1 shall
greatly miss 'by intermittent religion.
How lovely wert thou In disposition; how
amiable in manners; with -what an affection
tv ata air couldst thou kick the match boy out
.1 1 . 1. - I".L1!.
iiinrs, box ine ears ot ine nine canny gin, nnu ,
tell the more sturdy apple womon lo go to the !
devil. With what a charitable look couldst
thou lisien to trie lair or me snivcnng rn-gzar
child, could see the Dare blue leet, ana view
the scanty dress, while thy generous band
closed with a lighter grasp upon the cherished
pennies in thy p cket. Anatomically speak
then.. ine. friend Damphool, I suppose thou baJst a
heart; emotionally, not a trace of one; the I
feeble ftrticle thatserved thee in that capacity!
knew no more of generous thnughtsnml noble i
impules Ihnn a Shanghai pullet knows of the
opera of Xorma.
Go, immerse thyself in that Western town
where like the rest who dwell therein, thy
abilities will be undeveloped, thy talents will j
b veiled, thy energies Hist out, and thou wilt
heenme, line them, a perambulating, passive,
perpetual sacrifice to the lazy gods of Sloth
I shall mourn thy taper legs ; T shall lament
thy excrutiatiiig neck-tie; I shall weep that
last coat that did so very long a tail Unfold; I
shall sorrow for Ihy unctuous hair,' and grieve
for thy perfumed whiskers; I shall look in
vain forthy polished bootsand jewelled hands;
I shall miss thy intellectual countenance, ra
diant with innocent imbecility ; and I shall
lose my daily meditation upon thy precarious
frailtv ofthose intiineible legs.
But, ancient friend, when hereafter, all the
rustic maidens have yielded their hearts before
thy capiivnting charms ; alien thy manly
beauty is fully appreciated and Ihy intellectual
endowments acknowledged by the world, deign
to cast one condescending glance downward
toward :hv former friend nnd perpetual ndnii
rer, nnd give oiys gracious thought of kind re
membrance to sorrowing, disconsolate me, Doe
slicks, Damphool thou art superlative there is
none greater. Farewell ! Henceforth friend-
! shin tome is but a name, and I survive my
i bereavement only to concentrate my affection?
nnil..rAni, iil.iel.-r0 fiumnntlit7P
II 11,11 Illy riiii'i.vun. iii..i.ti-- ' .
with me, Mr. Editor, and I remain, yours hi
consoluble, till the bell rings for dinner.
Q. K. PHILANDER DOESTICKS, P. B.
:Doing a Dun.
"I have a small bill against you," said a
pertinacious looking customer, as he entered
the store of one who had acquired Ihe charac
ter of a hard customer.
"Yes, sir, a very fine day indeed," was the
"I am not speaking of the weather but your
bill," replied Peter in a louder key.
"It would be better if we had a little rain."
"Confound the rain," continued the collec
tor, raisi nu his voice !
I "Have vou any money to pay on five bill?"
"Beg your pardon, I'm hard of hearing. I
so i have made it a rule not to loan my funds to
strangers, and I really d.in't recognize you.
"I'm collector for "the Philadelphia Daily
to Extinguisher," sir, anil I have a bill against
yon," persisted the collector at the top of his
at voice, producing a bill, and thruiting it into
I the face of the debtor.
' -'I've determined to endorse for nogne; you
may put that note back mi your pocset book
A . I really cun t endorse it.'
"Confound the endorsement will you pay
"You'll pay it, no doubt, sir, but '.here's al
ways a risk about these matters, you know, so
I must decline it."
"The money must be mine to day."
"Oh, yes ninety davs, but I would not en
dorse you for n week, so clear out of my store
It's seldom that I'm pressed upon tornnen
'doMemeiit even by my friends; on the part of
i a straiuer, sir, your conduct is inexplicable
Do not force me to put you out; lenve the
Ihe! Thtliil was retnrnen to Ihe "Extinguisher"
' office endorsed "so confounded deaf that he
I O'Sitting on the piazzia of the Cataract
was a young, foppish looking gentlemen, hi
1 garments were lightly scented with musk and
cologne. A solemn-faced, old -looking man
,n. 1 after pas.ung the dandy several tunes, wnn
look ofaverioii trnt drew general notice, sud
........ . ., .:,.. ..c,l...,,:l
re- : UCIIIV SlU OICU, UIIU. williutuuiiuir.ill.il imic
V 60 III I
he I "Stranger, I know what'li take that scent
' out of your clothes: you
his I "What! what do you mean, sir ?" said the
:m unnc. .' - im ..iii.s.iu...,, ...... ...t
i irom nis conir.
101 "uei uinu, now 5cnr, imun mum,, nm,
! just because a rsan wants to do you a liiud
Some ness !" cooly replied Ihe Urniige. "Hut
, ieu you i uo unow wom u umom i,i nucu
have pnewi you jusi ouryyuureiuiMei, umy nn
' a duy or two. Uncle Josh got foul of askunk,
j and he "
thy At this instant there went tip rrom thecrowd
ll - nf ninirirtiani nn.l tlm
pun,!, suiniinncuii" ium m "
dandy "yerv sensibly," "cleared the coop;
a; and v.unsiieu up siairs..
.h-jM.n,ly heen built in Da-
-i' -u. ,
,, , .,
i "The chewen of tobacco are earnestly re-
my .nnll in anj heln ,0 holler. ;f vol,
. , , . , - , coat wj beat nur,
ai-1 ,.. - , esc)Bmation of
lauy . , ...... .
hn i vrnwn p nni on encr. i im iiil-ich-
tnee ; , Avenue wU) fl flvJ ghil,.
be- , 'anJ 3 hiJ W(lj,oa. Bub diuas
of - . circumventei,
.,,, we cannot sa. as iust here
love ! ?-u the nexv "'
... .' i-i....- . ...in. n... l-
..n.. . ,
to jsSht 1,1 0 jj:
and went out
p-We thought we had henrd of a good many
'"; in our time, but there is a young
m'1" ?ar(ly irSchenectady, that beats our lime con
ten S1B eot marriej ,,,.. ni,Mi
"taking liberties with her." Our hat is at
disposal of the put person that calls."
BTA man being commiserated on account
his wiffe running away said ! '
"Don't pily me till she comes back again.''
IJTA lady was dreadfully affronted the
day, because 1 gentleman accosted her st
JTltisinid that a pair ef pretty e?M
the beat mirror for a man to share by. 'Zack-
How ly to, and it it unquestionably,. tha cose
of many a man has beep shaved by them.
' ; ; - . .
WOULD GO ANYHOW.
A most ludicrous affair lately nncured at one
of the coilntry fairs in a neighboring State.
There bad beennn accommodation train placed
upon the railroad passing the village situated
near to the fair grounds, the rates of fair upon
which had been reduced to just one half the
price charged nn the regular train. Theac
commndation train left at 8 A. M., each dny.
a. was expecteu, on me evenins oi ;ne lasi
,ay of Ihe fair, a lane crowd had collected
',. the platform near the Depot, awaiting the
nrrival ol the regular r-xpre
to get passage thereon, to their different pla
ces of destination.
At length a whistlewas heard in the dis
tance, and amid fire and smnlse, the long train
aimeared in view. Many of the crowd had
(,etn waiting for hours, and at that late period
ere almost overcome with weariness,
hut at the welcome sound thry roused them-
selves and swarmed on the platform l.ke bees.
The eye of the Conductor, he having had
some difficulty with a like crowd the night
before, took ill ata single view the whole ui
lemma in which he was placed. He certainly
mlisi stop, and he knew that in an instant the
entire train would be beseiged by applications
for passage. 1 he cars were already crowded
to their utmost capacity, and, as to receiving
any more passengers, he knew it to be impos
sible. It was t'ust as he expected, the wheels hard
ly ceased revolving, before pell-mell came
the whole crowd, scrambling, tearing, pulling,
hauling upon the p atlorms, each one an1 ious
to get within slid secure a good eat. They
found the door locked however, and well
guarded by the conductor and his assistants
It was in vain lhat be explained to tliein that
he could not carry them, that the cars were
already crowded, they would lisien to nothing,
they wanted to go, so they would. They
crowded the platform, they clung to the steps
and hung to the windows. 1 1 is time wn; up,
and he had nospice to tarry-but ji mattered
not lo the crowd, thev had got a font-hold and
were bound to go. h mattered not how inse
cure the position, if their limbs were damage
or their lives jeopardised, the coiiipuuy was
able to pay, and they hum! on.
The bell rung, the winstie sou men, uui
btire no warning to them. The poor conducl
tor looked puzzled, and swoe l:iu.w what to
lo. If Ihe train moved tome lives must tie
lost, and to remain longer where he was he
could not. He entreated, told them another.
train would be along, but the crowd heeded
them not, they were determined to go nn tlmt
train. At length an idea broke upon him.
l"ron the switch near him, were three empty
cars belonging lo he accommodation train.
"Gentlemen, said he, "il I must, 1 suppose
He then went and examined the wheels
the empty Irain and fun ml them in order.
".Now," said lie, "all who want to go, gel
into Ihe two front cars of this train."
Away went the crowd, tumbling over each
other, screaming, laughing and hoonng; and
in less than a rjinute the two enrs was filled
to their full extent by the 'homeward bound.'
Each had secured a good seat und were con
nr.nulal'isg each other as to what their perse
verance had gained for Iheui, and solacing
themselves with the prospect of a speedj
Those nearest the windows bad ad-
justed them, in order to allow a free circula-
lion of air, am; carpel bags and vanses were
Mowed snualy away under the seats. Per-
haps a better contented company had never
gol into so small a compass before, for they!
were bound to go home, and here was a lair
Chance of doing so. In a few minutes they
. . . . :. ....... .... r... .,..'.
W0IIK1 lie 111 IliUilUli; U ll Ui uio
ahead to the switch, they would soon hitch
on. and then away.
The conductor had mounted his train, and
the engineer was at his post.
"Are yoti all aboaidgtiuleaien?" asked
"Yes' sir !" cried a hundred voices.
"Then, geiitkmen, J wish you good niht,
and a pleasant journey home."
The whistle sounded, and the bell rang.and
away went the train at ihe rate of aucul
twenty miles an hour.
A dead silence reigned throughout the
cars for almost a minute, when a large, hurley
red whiskered man straightened himself
and said :
"Gentlemen, in my opinion, we have
been very cheaply 'sold.' He has gone away
and left us.
So he had, and a fiercer crowd of men was
never seen in that rtgion before. They swore
and stamped, and tore, and cursed all railroads
that ever were built. It was this con
ductor did not go over lhat toa I again lhat
night, for he would most likely have found
a "hard road to travel." At length with
better nmsnect In-fore them, the crowd dis
persed to the different hotels and caroused
remainder of the" night away. Ductl.man.
Is Anybody Looking for Me.
red flannel wamniusses they are generally any
thing but green, nnd he who picks one up for
a fool had better take care or he will have to
drop him with burnt fir gers.
Here is a case in point :
A parly of Louisville bloods were standing on
the forward hurricane deck of a steamboat
bound for St. Loiiis.and were watching to be
guile the time, ere the "last bell rung," th?
varied scenes of the levee. A man who look
ed as though be might be a country conr.t law
yer frnm the "rural districts," attracted their
nnrticular nt'.eniioiis, and one of the crowd
suggested that some .fun might be had out
him. "ne more aspiring 111011 me :csi teered
to "try it on," and going on shore,
he approached Ihe stranger, who was evident
ly in deep cogitation and entirely unaware
that any one bad noticed him.
The "blood" walked quietly up to the
"green 'nn," and slapping him on the Bhoul
"So I've fouml yon at last, pave I f you ore
the rr.an I've been looking for."
"I be, eh?" said "greeny" not all(distutred.
"Yes, I've been looking for you all day."
At the same lime winking to those who were
waiting to see tbe joke.
The itreen one raised his arm and with
nnwerful blow knocked the enterprising voung
nan prostrate, and turning around shouted
nut. 'Slnnbt thrre'i tome on
done fir," mid in spite of biifer-nut panUand
out, "Maybe thrre'i tome one else lookng tur
me; iflhn n am ttmtmg to be Jouna ."'
It is unnecessary to say that the "right
search" was at once relinquished by the
Tiloods, who Irom the steamer's deck had seen
how much "fun" was to be made out of
green one. '
rrSince Heaven must have its opposite,
Hell, mankind should not grumble that they
are troubled with lawyers.
rrThough your neighbor tike nurTyou
nhoulrt not call them snuffers. It is placing
there in a small light.
From Eliza Cook's Journal.
Poverty is like a panther look ilsleadilyin
the face, and i! will turn from you.
An honest man is believed without an oalh,
for his reputation swears for him.
Who can tell the value of a smile ? It costs
the giver nothing, but is beyond price to the
erring and repenting, the sad nnd cheerless,
the lost and forsaken.
Men. contrary to iron, are worse to be
wrought upon when thev are hot; and are far
more tract ioable in cold blood.
I would not be a woman, (says Jean Paul
Richter,) for then I could not love her.
Be not affronted at a lest. If one throws
sal! at 'bee, Ihon wilt receive no harm, unless
thou hat sore places.
Right and duty are like two palm trees
which bear, fruit onlj when growing side by
Actions are the onlv properly of a man.
when he is valued as to his social worth in
Self conceit and ignorance are twin broth
ers; the empty bend is usually the noisiest,
for it depends on that for making know n its
A mountain is mode up uf atoms.nnd friend
ship of little matters, and, if the atoms hold
not together, the mountain is crumbled into
A consoling friend is the greatest enemy in
sorrow. We generally wake up sorrow, by
asking if it is not asleep now.
Each of us bears within himself a world un
known to his f.llow-beings, and each may
relate of himself a history resembling that of
every one, yet like that of no one.
Nothing is more diverting than to see men.
for whom we have n well-gr unded contempt,
affect lo contemn for us.
Lileralure, properly directed, is, as much
as Legislature, Oe guardian of public morals.
No wonder we love dRguised flattery, when
we love it even when it is known.
He that pays beforehand is served behind
Suggestion advice given by a tervunt lo
Tears nro the saddest, and funniest M ines
in the world. There are ii great variety of
wonu. j lit ic flic il-i mini.
We weep because we are happy, and
because we are miserable; when we are an
gry for spile, and olten have a coo l quiet cry
fur nothing but because we leel 1 1 lit? u.
hen we h-ar that a long absent friend is
dead, we give vent loour anguish intears.nnd
if he returns unexpectedly nnd inlMties the
mournful statement we weep lor joy, because
he is olive. When a:iv of our brothers or sis
ters are rr.arried, with streaming eves and
downcast faces, we wish them all possible hap
piness.and the newly wedded pair in a deluge
of fait water, vehemently protest that they are
We get in a tearing rage at tome imaginary
slight or injury, and after boiling and foaming,
and vowing all sorts of vengeance, cool off
with a passion of tears. When we discover
our mistake, and mutual apologies are exchan
ged, we melt into tears of sorrow and contri
tion, and think we hive acted a very absurd
and ridiculous part.
Ii we meet a sorrow-bowed mourner we
mingle rears wnn mens in vui.uiiiy, aim
we are in a merry gathering where laughter
and song hold sway, we join in ine joyou me-
lee til! tbe fun drops come rolling over our
We often get mortified, ond the tears will
, .n pii. ii m, n nn ,-iiftria in renrps
,. unn. iu rinv ui mil
them, and when we get through crying we
; we-p over again, because we were so extreme-1
y foolish as t- weep in the first ph.ee.
All along lile s journey, irom me ciame 10
the grave, our paths are placed alternately
with smiles and tears, ro'es and r horns.
think one day when our sun is behind a cloud
that this is a very dismal humdrum sort of
world, and gloomily, tenrlully, wish we had
our lot cast in some other.
The next, as the s ilver lining rolls over.and
shedsjoyand sunlight around us, we think
after nll,tings are not so bad as they might
and with mingled laughter and weeping, ex
press our gratitude for many blessings.
The Experiences of a Bachelor.
I never knew a baby cry consecutively for
two hours, but it was "generaliv the quietest
1 ii,,u ,.n a t,e world."
j nn-er'wauted a little gruel, or something
hot. for mv supper, but that the kitchen fire
had always "just gone out."
l never inquired at a circulating library
n particular book, but thai they "expected
I ntver went in a violent hurry to the City,
but some of the streels were sure to be block-
I never knew, or saw.anythine more of any
umbrella I had accidently left behind me.
I never knew a borne that was said to
didn't kick; and it is the
. - i.:i.l
same aai a inuu.
I never knew a married couple who "my-
loved." nnd "mv-deared," and my-ducked"
one another to a fu Notr.e extent in public.who
didn't quarrel in private.
1 never knew a man receive "private infor-
matinii" for a race, but he was sure to lose
belling upon it.
I never knew a lady, who said she would
only lake "five minutes" to put on her bonnet
who really took them
1 never knew a tradesman to bother me
money, but he had "a little bill to make up."
Poor Boy College.
The Printing Office has indeed proved a bet
ter College to many a poor boy, has graduated
mure useful and conspicuous menbeis of socie
ty, has brought more intellect and turned it
to practical, useful channels, awakened more
mind, generated mora active and elevated
thought, thnn many ot the nierary uoiieges
the con nlry. How many a dunce has passed
through these colleges with no tangible proof
of fitness other than his innnimate piece
parchment; himself, if possible, m re inanimate
than his elather diploma! There is something
in the veiy atmosphere of a printing office cal
culated to awaken the mind inspire a thirst
for knowledge. A bov who commences
such a school, will have his talents and ideas
brought out; if he has no mind to draw out,
boy himself will be driven out. Jf. Y. Globe.
TTThe Charlottesville (Virginia) Jefferson
mil, says a young lady in that place has a
pigeon, which dances very gracefully when
ever she plays on the hnp.and when the
ceases, it will jump up and pull the
(-Western fellows are great people.
have Just heard of a judge to ant ious to rid
settlement 01 suspicious characters that
Rates of Advertising.
One square, (or less) 3 insertions, lit
" hacB additional inrtiiioii,
Three months, - - - 3.CO
" Six months, 6,CO
' Twelve months, - - - 8,i 0
One fourth of t column per year, 15,00
i Ju.lf .. 1B.UW
i coi,nn ' 30,00
All over a square charged a. twr qnirei.
Uj'Adverliseman't inserted tillforuii Mlt
expense of the advertiser,
Executed at this Office with neatnesa ttd
despatch, at the lowest possible ratti.
Heating the Poker.
Aftt r the newt of the destruction of the
stamped papns had arrived in Eng and, the
miwstrv sent for Dr. Franklin to consult with
and offered this proposal :
'That if the Americans would engage to pay
for the damage done in the destruction of the
stamped paper, fc , the parliament would
then repeal the act."
The doctor having paused upon this (iues
tiou for some time, at last answered as fol
"This puts me in mind of a Frenchman,
who having heated a poker red hot, r-m furi
ously into the street, and addressed the first
Englishman he met there, "Ha, Monsieur.will
you give mede' satisfaction tn run Ibis poker
only one foot into your body 1"
"My bodyf" replied the englishman, "wnai
do ywi mean ?
"Vcl den, only say so far," marking out six
"Are you mad?" returned the other; "If
you don't go about your business, I'll knock
"Vel, den," said the Frenchman, softening
his voice nnd manner, "vil you my good site,
be so obliging us to pnv me for the trouble and
expense oi heating this poker ?"
When Old Bluchtr was in England, he was
invited to Oxford to have a doctor's degree
ennfered upon him. The tierce dragoon was
as much amused as delighted at tbe idea of
the honor, nnd introducing another Prussian
General, who had been bis right hand man in
nil his campaigns, observed", in lnoken Kng
lish, tn the vice chancellor, "Sir, if I am
a doctor, this is my apothecary." But the
veteran made a better hit than that before
the dav was over. At on evening party giv
en on the occasion, among others present was
a young lady, of whom it was sometimes
whispered that she d id not belong to a tem
perance society. We daresay tins was malice
but on this evening it did unfortunately hap
pen that rhe was in very high spirits. "Who
is that lailv ?" said l!!ueher, fixing bis eyes
upon her. ' "That is Miss Sparkle, Ihe daugh
ter of one ofour canons." was ihe answer; at
which ihe shocking old Field Marshal 'roared
forth with a thundering laugh. ' A eanrm't
daughter! P,v Jove I thought so, she iookp
I ii u i
so very wel Ijtharg. edj thgrop e.
i -- ..., I, cm
i v.ai,, mi" n- v..-...
vnn Jnw ymir wif drowning what letter
O From the foreign items in the rew orK
Evening Post, we copy the following conun
drums for the amusement of the young read
ers of the Eaton Democrat i
Hengler, of the Exeter Circus, nttracied a
large audience recently by the promise of a
prise of a silver goblet to the author of the
btst conundrum. Shortly before ten o'clock
a platform was. introduced for the literary part
of the entertainment, which Hengler mounted
having n bundle of conundrums tn lusnanu.
With the conundrums was a variety of enig
mas nnd charades, but these were laid aside.
The audience wre to decide the merits of the)
different conundrum, am', in order that their
task might be as easy as possible, Hengler di
vided the conundrums in'owhat he conndered
hiil and pnotl. Among those pronouncedly
him as bnd were the following:
Why is the prise tn be offered by Mr. C.
Hengler like a treaty stated to be offered to
the Emperor of Russia 1 Because it was madti
fjr fivt socrrngni.
Why should the allies and the Russian Em
send an armv of tailors to Sevasto-
noi ? n..-c:nise one can wile brraelirt in the
t jn ))(; a!p.,alie't would you name ?-Let her-bt.
, ,T, nl,,;S exhibited ngus ol displeasure at
the cruel answcr.1
When one lady kises another, -what com
mand of Scripture does she fulfill f I do
unto others as I would that men would do
What is the most difficult operation that n
surgeon can perform , Taking the jaic out of
Arcordinc to Ileng'er't discrimination, the
following were ihe go d conundrums
j a, js ,,)e (iirrerPnc between a bottle of
doctor's pl-vsic and the Emperor of Russia i
'n. m... rp,'niir s 10 be first well shaken nnd
' ,i, ii.,i hut the other requires to be first
. 1;e, ail then well shaken.
i . , , , T . ,
i What is the trade ol fa Lancaster funerT-
ror hrteeh 1 maker to her Majesty,
it I ; a schoolmaster like a cbairmaker?
' Because he canes bottoms.
I , , , . .... ,
Why wdl England neve, be in debt to Rus
e ! sia ? Mcci'ie whenever rlmrpri are brought
t against us we return them with interest,
j if n person falls into the water at Cowley
be r5rj,!ge, how wet will he be? Wet in the Lxi
... . ... , . . .
Why is the British army like a ooking-glassT
i Uccaflse it cannoi ue uroicn mi uc-
Whv is a weary night traveller in Gloncet-
HlP w;ound soldiers at Scutari?
Because he is cheered by Ihe presence 01 ine
Why is the circus to-night like a marriage
feast? Because the enjoyment of the ring
pledged in a goblet, results in a bumper.
Whv did the Alderman and Town Council
of Exeter re-elect John Daw, Esq., as mayor'
Because it is uual in Cathedral towns lor a
jack ) to ocoupy Ihe highest petition.
The conundrums having been read, Hengler
inquired of the audience what one they had
selected, upon which a general cry of "Jack.
Daw" arose, and it was considered that to the
author of that connnndrum the cup would be
awarded. When the uproar had ceased, how.
ever, a solitary voice sung out, "The Nightin
gale." This was caught up by others, and in
a few moments "The Nightingale" was heard
in every partof the honse. This was then de
clared the best connundtum, and the author a
young man named Jewell, entered the nug
from the gallery seats and received the goblet
amidst enthusiastic cheering.
O-They tell a good story of a verdant mem
ber of the Massachusetts Legislature, who ar
riving late on the first day of the session,
rushed into the Representative's Hall, hurried
to the Speaker, and astonished him wun this
ralutation : "Mr. Speaker, good morning, how
de do? Rather late, missed Ihe cars! t
wish you would show me up to my room, right
If An urchin being sent for a eent'a worth
of Maccaboy snuff, forgot the nsmeof the ar
ticle, and tsktd the man for a cenl't worth