Newspaper Page Text
It psbhshad every Thursday morning in the old
Masonic Hill, second story of the brick build-
fog weat ofC. Vaaautdtl & Co'a itore, Main
Street, Eaton, Ohio, at the following rates :
11:80 per annum, in advance.
l2(X)i if not paid within the year, and
2:10 after the year has expired.
tXTbete rates will be rigidly enforced.
Ke paper discontinued until all arrearages are
pi Id unlets at the option of the publisher.
ITNo communication inserted, unless ac
companied by a responsible name.
Mother 1 watch the little feet
Climbing o'ef the (Tardea wall,
Bounding; through the busy street,
Hanging cellar, shed and hall.
Never count the inomeuU lost.
Never mind the time it costs ;
Little feet will go astray,
Guide them, mother, while you may.
Mother! watch the little hand
Picking; berries by the way,
Making bouses in the sand.
Tossing up the fragrant hay.
Never dare the question ask,
"Why to n.e this weary taskV
These same little bunds may prove
Messengers of light and love
Mother! watch the little tongue
Prattling, eloquent and wild,
What is said and what is sung,
By the happy, joyous child.
Catch the woril while yet unsupken,
Stop the vow before 'tis broken.
This same tongue may yet proclaim
Blessings in a Savior's name,
Mother ! watch the little heart
Beating soft and warm for you;
Wholesome lessons now impart :
Keep, 0 keep that young heurt true,
Extracting every weed,
Sowing god and precious seed;
Harvest rich you then may see
Ripeniug for eternity.
PREACHER AND THE GAMBLER.
Putting Saddle on the Wrong Horse.
Persons of very antagonistic portions of so
ciety are frequently thrown inlo intimate as
sociation with each other, as '-Debris Data"
very justly observes, while traveling on the
steamers of the Southern and Western waters.
Not long since a number of gamblers and two
or three clergymen happened to be passengers
on board the General Pike Steamer, bound on
trip from Cincinnati to New Orleans. The
company of the cabin, from whatever cause,
extra morality or otherwise, did not seem in
clined to participate in the pastime of gaming
as is quite usual on a majority of these river
Several days accordingly passed and not n
symptom of a card or gambling had been ob
served. At length a gambler seemingly an
unsophisticated greenhorn in the ways of fas h
iouable or polite society, although a wild reck-
' less, dare devil sort of a hard customer of a
backwoodsman, begin to grow weary of the
tedium of the passage, and become impatient
to realize his traveling expenses, by victiuii-
zing some of the "verdant" ones of the mot
Tuppinc one of the preachers alluded to on
the back, in a familiar sort of a way, he thus
"I say, stranger, dull music here aboard.
Suppose we take a drink, and gel a little lite
'mougst us i"
"Excuse me, my friend, I never indulge in
"Oo-h! you don't, eht Tee totaller,
p'raps ? Well let's have a baud at cards
"There again I'm at fault. I do not know
one card from another."
"By the ramping old sarpint, that's quore !
But come my young hearty, anil 1 11 show you
11 about 'em."
"I'd rather not, sir, if you please."
"Fire and brimstone I Can't we get up
some deviltry or nother 1 m sick ou t, po
kii' round this 'ere way. Wonder if there
ain't some "old hoss" aboard that'll give us a
'.preach?" That sly old coon over there looks
like one on 'em gospel (hop critters. S'pose
we ax him to gin us a sanniiit f id like al
mighty bad to hear a parson snort, or listen to
a reg'lar Fourth o' July oration by some reg.
lar ting-tailed roarer ; by the living jingo 1
- "That gentleman over there, who "looks
like a sly coon," as you say, is o Methodist
preacher, and I think it quite likely he will
feel disposed to accommodate you with a ser
mon. if ynu.d like lo hear one,"
"In course 1 would. You know him, don't
you f Well, then, jist git him to gin the
whole sugar bilw' on us a blathergastering
blow-out, will yei ? I'll hold his hat and
take np the collection, dod rot me if I don't."
"I'll apeak with the clergyman, and try and
prevail on him lo give us a short lecture forour
He according!) passed over lo bis friend of
the while cravat, who sat in the ladies' sa
loon, conversing with son,e Indies, and stated
the wishes of the gambier. Returning how
ever, he remarked thai the pitacher was af
fected with a quinsy sore throat, and felt un
able to preach or lecture at that lime.
"Ob, h II, got the quinsy? The d 1 he
bssl Well, I'm bound to have a trifle of
sport somehow or 'nother if I don't I'll split
ail up into bit chunks oi lence raiting, I will.
But I say, my young buckeye sapling, you're
Hot bashinl are you t S'pose you try and give
us a smart sprinkling ot your own jabber jawr
You look kind o' college lamed, anyhow, my
young bickory-uut with the hark on."
"My good friend, should 1 at'unpt to preach
I would endeavor to make you feel a little un
easy in your boots, and might offend you, air."
"You would, eh ? No1 as you knows on,
I reckon.- I'm not a bull-dog of that breed,
tir. Devil a bit on't no siree. old boss!
You are jist Ibe chap for my money, you are !
Here, get up on Ibis hisky barrel, and give
us big streak of bell furious brimstone. Stir
up these old ironsides ; make a reg'lar qua
king among the dry bones ; put in the tommy
hawk licks, and come the negro campmeeting
touch over 'em, will yer ? This 'ere old rev
olutionary cock has got a psalm book, I knows
for 1 seed him readin' something about a "ti
tle clear" in spell ago. I can sing myself
use young ji-n in a corncriti, il you'll
only give the lines ont. By golly, I'm great
on sucking sugar eggs, anyhow. And mind
you, nabur, make an almighty screamin part
er. Blow bard, and strike out yer wind as
bard as yer can, and make 'em believe a pack
of hungry young prairie wolves are coming,
with big chunk o' thunder and lightning,
nd toll biling of tearing earthquake. By
the gracious Moses on Mount Siuah, we'll
have rambunctious sport, shan't we, my Ju-lius-Ciceru-Napoleoii
Smith, the Mormon Robin-Hoed,
nd all them ere fellows sbawed up into one
big tobacco quid f "
Tie gamble! assisted the preacher to arrange
for tbt termOB, borrowed the bvmn book, tad
BY L. 0. GOULD.
EATON, PREBLE COUNTY, 0.. NOV. 22, 1855.
$l,50per Annum In Advance.
Vol. 12, No. 23.
sat down to listen o the young speaker wi'h;
an expression of tr.oek seriousness on his ru-
By this lime manv ofthenassencers had ml-
loi.l ln il.. .-i .. .... .
... ... -
"ic fining BHiwiii "uuuerine wnai
would be the upshot of the strange proceed -
The preacher smoothed his face with his!
hand.nn. ..I.M..I . i.r..., . . :
. v.- Mj.iM., an., iiucu Ull 1113
n,r, ; ir..i-.. . 1
,. prnje. iiiK warmer nnu warm -
erin his supplications, he fervently nrme.1
Waxing warmer and warm-
Godlosendan arrow of conviction
eamblcr's soul, that h u-nnl.l I,. n,
of his salvation from eterntl hell. The nrav -
er was followed h n ln. ..i . '
... V.i ,i ",,u ""'"-"'"K
"'""i "' ii a me iiunency and pow
er of the speaker's under the deep responsi
bilities of bis divine mission, that every word
seemed a burning shaft to the gambler's heart
and cSe rT w soo, see" n lo "s
, .. .. , ' . vrc lo. i"".li
and sniiirm under the gospel 'ruths, anil final
ly lo sneak away through a state room to the
upper deck of the hont, without waiting to par
ticipate in the closing hymn, and ' hand
.rnllll.l I..I ,, t I... I ! . j
sought again the vounL- meacher and fh.T.d
dressed him :
"1 say, my friend, you're a reg'lar preach
er, ain't yer ?"
"Yes, sir, I hove the honor lo be cnlled an
unworthy ambassador of Christ, and trust I
may be the means of bringing back many wan
dering and perishing souls to God."
"Well, 1 mooght ha' knowed as much, any
how. Blow me, if you didn't knock the ant
hills fr m undei my raille-snake trampers, I
wouldn't say so. Better b'lieve you did, sir.
If you keep on a preschin' that ere way,
you'll make us river gambUrs as scarce as
pigeon's milk in a frosiy morning, you vlll.
But it's all right, 1 reckon. My good old
mammy used lo pray a good litlle bunch when
I wasn't knee high lo a yaller grasshopper,
and I couldn't help a thinkin' on her when
you chawed me all up into little bits of Vir.
giiii.'1 pig-lail, and put my singiu
ji mv si.,!,,' ni., n.
lune entirely. I'd gin a hi
gin a hundred dollar old
t hnv ii.m c,.,i,ii-
tlentuck bank note lo have that ere saddle
put upon lhe back of some other old boss !
By the powers of seventy wild cata, you made
me feel meaner than a nicger suck'ii' green
persimmons with his mouth lull or fish-hooks.
Yes, siree, you did, or I'm no corn cracker, by
oy."Pliilalelphia Sunday Mercury.
Life as it Is.
Let us make an excursion down the street
and see whsl we can learn. Yonder is lhe
wreck of a rich man's son. He was permuted
to grow up wnnoui employment, went and',,r-
came when he pleased, and speut his time in
the gratification of spontaneous passions, de-
ires and inclinations, with noonetocheck him
when his course was evil, or encourage him
in me way 10 wtMiom. ills lather Was rich,
and for that reason the son thought he had
nothing to do, no part in honest labor to per
form. Well, the father died, and the son inherited
a portion of his abundant wt-nl.h. and in-vn,
, " . . i " '
having earned money by honest toil, he l.new;
not how to use i', so he gave loose reins to ap-!
and passions, and ran at a rapid puce !
down the broad road to dissipation. Now be .
hold him a broken down man, bowed with .
infirmity, a meie wreck of what he wB!,( both
and mentally. His money is gone, :
and he lives oil lhe chanty of those whose
hear s are optu with pity. Such is the fate of!
hundreds and thousands that are born to fur
And there, on the opposite side, in that com
fortable mansion, lives the sou of a poorcobler.
Fifteen years ol-o he left the roof nfh,. ,.,,,..
and .enl into The broad world alone lo see V
bis fo.tune. All his treasures consisted of his :
tools, a good knowledge cf his trade, honest1
principles, indus.rious habits, and twenty-five;
coppers. Now he is the owner of that elegent
mansion, is dome a llnving business, possesses
an unbroken constitution and bids fair to live I
Mood o.d Such .h. lot of hundred.
pa"en,reSa S ' "'l
uu nnu ujv cny, vnu you win oitnosi invari-
bly find that the most enterprising men are of,
poor paren-age-men who have bad to row
tuinat -he wind and tide; while on the other
hand, a majority of these decendanH of medi-
What a !e.-son should this be lo those who1
by all means, etther rairor rout, accu.nu-i
lating treasures ror their children.
If the rich would train up beir children to'
thereaular habits or im'ustrv. ,
them would l,e saved from intemperance, mis -
ery.nd an untimely end.
ii y ninii ciiiuiiuii.1 uiuster around iriBi
word 1 How full of sadness, and how full of
sorrow to us, it s unds ! It is with us. a con -
.Primly un,,l W. l,,.l !,... i i.i 1 1..
" ' " - ' " " ' ' " .. yj ' hi.iiiii iiic
year, as we hope never to hear it again. Il
was in lhe chamber of death, and the still
hour of night's noon. The curtains to the
windows were all closed, the lights were all
shaded, we stood in the dim and solemn
twilight, with others around the bed of the dy
ing. The damps or death were on her pale
young brow, and coldness was on her lips, as
we kissed her the Isst time while living.
"Good bye, my daughter," we whispeied ;
and "Good bye, rather," came faintly from'
her dying. lip. We know not if she ever
spoke more but
Good bye," was the lasi we
ever heard of her sweet voice. We hear that,
sorrowr.,1 word often andoften, as wesit alone,
with the memories of the post. We hea
it in the silence of the night, in the hours ol
nprvnns w kefiilneK!. an wn lie nnnnniir h
rhinkini, nf.h. tnVMil nn.l ln.l In i. if. !,.
it in our dreams, when her sweei face comes
back to us. We hear it when we Jsil beside
her grave in the cemetry where she sleeps, I
alone, wi.h no kindred as yet by her side.- j
She was the hope if our life' the prop to lean
on when age should come upon us, and life I
should be running to its dregs, r he hope end i
lh i. ..J.nA r.r. l hJ .
u,. L , . ;u. i..iH.. ..r d.,i,n. h. i
. ."u ... I , , . r. ..... 7i ' r1
ueain uic fiiiuiiuw ui wic ticca in iiic itr ui
the dead. Albany Rtgi$trr.
in tli l,n,,r. nl
Ye . non our bed '
, to lis. We htar'"K"'
Havk Soiiktiii.no to do. Occupation is es
sential to happiness. The mind requires some
object on which its powtrs must be exercised,
and without which it preys upon used ano oe-
comes miserable. A person accustomed to
a life of activity longs for this ease and retire
ment, and when he hag accomplished his pur
pose finds bimseir wretched. The pleasure
or relaxation is known to ihose only who have
regular and interesting occupation. Contin
ued relaxation aoon becomes a weariness, and,
on this ground, we may safely assert that lhe
greatest degree of real enjoyments belo gs not
to the luxurious man of wealth, or the listless
votary of fashion, but to the middle classes of
society, who, along with the comforts of life,
hivecoes urnt ana important occupation.
Professor Hannibal on Natural History.
...'"."! seJecl ll,ose wf"ch sound like the
n dey cum to de tad, de stuff gib ou
ai1' dey had lo cut it short !"
ii ;. ..: , , . ,
i . ' , K'ft to L,f, Me 10 Wl,la,e lhe
v . so uo u successfully,
1 1 . I. iinr iiririurv
one must not understand the nature oftje
i. . . i i , ...
' ,? i P, 5 on.ly' but ,,e musl ,n some
degree enter into the train of thought of the
nil i i i T . Jiiiiusuasar nan -
""'. n's lecilltes III
il. ., ll'0US"1 .anJ """"eulogy.
ue i... caunhi ill ,;i
the manner ex-
, .'. "lo t,l"ency w a '.Dl8 words, and the
K" which they are copied, but are
n.euinng no more like
ii.i- k iiv mule line I i,m I inn eiimii i.
In his "i!isinrd" nlmot
v naie," proiessur Hannibal remarks :
"J snail on l'is ga-at 'casion snoke In vnu
'bout de bcaslsand monsters obde deep j and
T? i t l!e
1 shall lecture dis el,enin' on de . i rnd-fith.
lone 'muiig de sayircs as de whale.
-ue whale, my fr.o?, am werry reldom
lounu in enny odder place dan ie Me.lilerra
inn' an' Ue Specific Oshuus De whale am
' astrsses-de b.ggtst loafer ob dem nil
A fi.ihernioii named Jona, swollered one onue,
but it ot erloaded him stum.ck to dat degree,
(tat in tree days he Jeff him up agin. It was
loo much lor htm.
"Ue whnle am de big ftSh ; de cod-fish aris
tocracy o'j de sea, de same as de big bui;s am
ue anstocrscyob tie laud, but de former hab
goi ue WBniuge ob de latter, kase noiwjtstan
in' de whale dewours a good deal, he produces
sumfin, but de Ijn' cod-fish aristocracy de-
vuia cucijr inig, auo prouuees niittiti."
A good "companion-piece" to this is the
professor's description of "de Elrmfant," in
biio ner oi ins lectures on Natural Hislorv:
"He is as tig as a hay stack on four warf
spiles, wid a head like a flour barrel, wi;l a
sidn ob sole-ledder flappin' on each side oh it
an' a nose six feet long, a squirinin' around
iiheine ingine rubber hose, an' a couple ob
W-V '"-' o" ne mom ime Two baiber
... "ben he walks he rolls from side lo side
like a snuler man jis landed ; an' I s'peu! de
reason am, because his feet am berry tender,
ur lie's got corns on all his toe.. His foot
am shaped sumliii like the colored man's, ony
broader ; but like de darkey's de hoi er ob il
make 8 hole in de grouu'.
"When he war mude, it seems to me dat
dey stood up four ob den warf spiles, and den
piled on all i'e meat dey could pile on. Den
i.'ffv rrmila iinvlm. ami ...-I ..i ..
' " b'.ui-suiii UU Qilll -BLU1IV, gUlia-
i-eioiiii, urowu hum, molasses air g eydoE.au
poured ii all ober de flesh, and dere led uin
The Lessons of departing Autumn.
Now the season of "merry forgetfulness"
'J'-M "Willi tl (It'll UO,
but when Ihey are gone what shall the heart,
craving lor btrds and flowers and earthly beau
petite 'y feed upon ? It mukts such a heart ache in
its loneliness, for there is nothing in lile that
can soothe it like the fair things which God
in his beneficence sends to tell us of the rav
physicdlly ishing tummtr glory which is
ii.Hr- he nn lUrtt ro , r .
1 f ulure to l u f rt 'Tf
, 'e cOU?d h',,t ,l.kV
Urr T wfll so ,nd h, Z i ll I?, ' m
X'T. after 1 1 'T WJ" "ee"''
' Vr tl T"" " "'e Vear l,,at s"ch r"
ore M ?e,vefc " n, us' ,a"J
k, " 11 ."e 1 hnu 10 ,0"? W "d
IT L 'ufTu T be Tn fr
ynd study of self.-season for reviewing
1 gone, and the chilled waiers and rustling,
half dead leaf. V3flIS (IS tli fit I lis- m 1 h iu vnnn
io ue green no more until the long mouths
worry out the snow and bitter blasts, and
April comes again. A few d.ivs nf lin.rin.,
sum tune will tt li H
In the land where the s''ule.amr..inr
The soul must sink within for its neace- and
then how b'essed ate the mtn.onts of lhe
summer-time ? How doubly warm and plow
7"""' ""'"scape, now pure every
gVheinwo ,h wnd . uT
fuMl '. . ,
a",d elTn,S of Me I ' lT
'Zs nn I SS: !
lhore slioutd be smiles w II, i ' u'.w in i Z
m , h... " .7 . ""'.m
o V re-Trosnection Kr "T"'oenjovniei,i
" lhe "i,St fld "K i
ihiiu i . ii ii v ntirp (inn am I.-. .
if. ',. f. .r?"''gr. ." bur)ln .some ''"I
' Z. ' , !L "
.. -vii. iici .uric ue no re
pining or assailing of that Providence which
biingi the seasons of darkness as well as of
r... ,i. ,, ,. ,. ...
u ' " "I ' he '"
.. '.. , K'":ri..""u' e6e-'"i'n
" w, mwioui llial irulh
i; it studies
aright; that we may all so do should be our
earnest prayer. Sunlvtky Regiur.
The Close of the Week.
, ' V.u " , ,c " C"TS ! m"ny W,""n
f"L' h"L, , in T" 8fi' r'e gr""n
busy ? ''f V'h,mn fr:,'"s 'r
' T 0,1 th; Lark of
week. It's but a shoit time indeed, but
its events area host. Tu whom has the week
ju-l closed brought joy ? to whomsoirow ? to
whom riches ? to whom poverty ? to whom
rriemis ? to whom health ? to whom life ? lo
whom happiness ? What ! all these changes
in one wei.k ! Yea, and a host more numer
ous lhan the sands or the sea. Manv who
l... .1 -r. . "... .
Z "l ? "n.mfm weelt' e
' ' " ' ""f Sc" 7 an me, oarK oi
life' er the UI1,B ( happiness a week
8re , 0W " recks uf rui" on lhe sll"ri!
Bre ,0W " 'eCks uf lhe Shore of
T7' , ,', "Z B fu".-' ,8SI
7;,"' "T , 1 us,,r, 7" u"8 Tl
.nroi l'?rirJn nf not', t la,,Bed u,,0,hB
nr,cn dnrnn .r V0' nd many whose
K!'" '",1 'T", i""""? fr"!
b "Fi'Tn r ' ' ' ' .lue the "
"''m'f ,mf? ttT'1'"'" -
SUC)IS lhe ll(e of """1 1 1 IS "Ul'teC 10
changes in a week, a day-nay, even an hour
I he world is
still in commotion revolution
succeeding revolution j time spreading its pro
gress, leaving behind traces nf destruction ;
and even in a small community, many thriv
ing and'txeithig circumnances might be sum
med up and recorded at the close ol'each week.
k 11.-.. V..... W tit I .-
-f.,Krl?.B.7.?0' ''5' ?W,'.nS: "'h,n1
. . w Mwh sho Td be hi," c se'o ' "c io 7, 1
were he electedchief ms.ranf n , P,,; "
were he elected chief magistrate of lhe Union
"If I was President of these United States,
I'd arrange my business accordin'
The niggers I would sell,
The Irii.li send toh 1.
And the Dutch totother side o' Jordan,
Then pull off your coat, and roll up your sleeves
Jordan am a hard road to tmble, I believe."
ITThomas, spell ingenuity.
-T." "Go lo the head."
The Three Jolly Husbands.
Three jolly hnsbands out in the country, ly
trie names oi l im v atson, Joe II row n, and
Bill Walker late oneevenimr drinking at
.. . . .n.t
.village tavern, until, being pretty well corned,;
I they agreed that each one, on returning home,
isnoniu noine nrsnnmg u.ni ins wne loirt him,
i ill neiauu oi wincn nesiioinu pay I he hill.
! :.. i.e.. is r ...i i... .i
I They Ihen seperatetl lor the night,
to meet again the next morning and give an
honest account of their proceedings at home,
so far as they related lo r,e l.iM.
The next morning Walker and Brown w.re
early al their poti, but it was some time be
Tore Watson made his appearance.
Walker began first :
"You see when I entered my house, the ran
die was out, and the fite civing a glimmering
ot iisnt, l enme near wniinng m'o a
batter tha the pan'-akes wer to l e niai
in tne morning. M wile, who was dread
fully out of humor, said to me, sarcastically
inn, oo you pui your loot iti the bol'er.'
'Just as you say Maggy,' said I, and without
the least hesitation I put my foot in the pot
of batter anil went to bed.
"Next, Joe Brown told his story :
'My wife had already retired in our usual
sleeping room, which adjoins the kitchen,
and the door of which was iinr : not bein
able lo navigate perfectly, you know made
a dieadfnl clattering amnio' lhe hnin-ehold
furniture, and my wife, in no ver
lone, brawled out,
"Do break the porridge pot.'
No sooner said than done. I seized hold of
lhe handle of the pot, and striking it against
chimmey jam, broke it in a thousand
Afler this exploit I retired to rest,
anil got a curtain lecture till I fell asleep.'
was now Tim Watson's time to uive ar.
account of himself j which he did with a very
lonir lace as follows :
'My wife gave me the most unlucky com-1
manil in the orld ; for 1 was blundering up
stairs ip the dark, when she cried out
N':w, 'I int, do break your neck.'
'I'll be cussed if 1 do, Kate, s.itd I, gather-
ing myself up the besi way 1 could no, I'd
sooner foot the bill.'
'And so, landlord,' continued Tim, 'here's
the cash for you. But by jingo this is the
last lime I'll ever risk five dollarson the corn-
maud of my wife.'
The following paragraph, extracled from
the Poilland Transcript, has a capital ilinstra-1
lion of the importance of punctuation. There;
are two ways of pr inting il, one of which
makes the individual in question a monster,
oi wicKeonesf, While '.lie other cotivtrts him
into a model christian. Let our readers exer
ce their ingenuily on the problem and see
whether they can discover its two Told solution:
"He is an old experienced man in vice and
wickedness he is never found opposing the
w'oiknof iniquity he takes great dciiuhl in the
dc wulall of the neighborhood he never rejoic
es of his fellow creatures he H always ready
lo assist in destroying the peace of society he
Hikes no pleasure in serving IheLoid he in un
commonly diliteul in sowing discord ainmig
his friends and ncqiiHintjinceS he takes no
pride in laborine to promote the cause of Chris
nantty, he has not been negligent in endeav
oring lo stigmatize all public teachers he
makes no exertion to subdue his evil passions
he strives haul to build up Satan's kingdom be
lends no aid to the support ol the gospel among
ttie heathen he contributes largely to the evil
idversary he pnvs no attention to good advice
he gives treat heed lothe devil he will never
go to iliiirm he must go where he will re
ceive lhe just recompense or lewaid."
Man a Failure.
A year or two ago, when the Millerile fanat
icism was at Us hight, Mr. li , an eccentric
old genlleman, in one of our western towns,
was Wulkiug in the hall nl the village inn,
listening, at the same time io the talk ol a
distinguished "disciple," who was prophesy
ing the prompt lulhiluient ol .Miller s calcula
tions. Jlr. B stopped, and in his. short,
bilter w.iv, asked
Do you realiy think, now, that the world
is soon coming lo an end f"
"Certainly, i do."
'And on the twenty fiflh or April ?"
"As much ns I believe in myown existence.'
"And you really pretend to believe that
there's to l.e a regular smash or the whole
worl I in less fhi.n three weeks ?"
"Well, sir, I'm glad nf il ! 1 consider Ibis
experiment of man a miserable failure ; and
the sooner the h le thing is biokeu up the
Faying this, the old gentleman stalked off,
muttering imprecations on the human race iu
A very suspecti'jle bachelor was passhg
along the street lately, and observing a silver
thimble picked it up. After standing a mo
ment in mute meditation on the probable
owner, he reverently pressed it to his-lipi and
"Oh, that it was the lips of the divine, an
gelic wearer, ami the gojden chords or love
would ever encircle our hearts as i his beau:i
f ti I implement or industry enclosed the fair
hand of lhe owner I and and" here he fetch
ed a deep sigh for bygone days, mittens, and
sin Ii like kind of things, when a voice from
an iipperwitidowatre.sied his angelic reverie,
"day, bos, jis please frow dat ere fimble in
de entry ; 1 jis drop it '." cried u hugli, ugly
fat she nigiter.
Shades of departed rose-buds and beauties.
tie dropeit the instrument like a hot potalue
and beat a double quick march inalanter.
JT-f'This is a very beautiful sight ror a per
son with a refined beastly taste," said Mrs.
Partington at the agricultural show, looking
at a big sheep, and addressing a tail young
man by her side. He responded "yes'm." i
'Is that a hydraulic rani " she asked, with
gleat simplicity, provoking a smile ou the
young man's face, and a loud laugh from lhe
outsiders, w ho were attracted by the black lion
net. The young man informed her thai this
was a lung wooled sheep, fiom which very
long yarn was spun. "Ah !" said she, "you
are very kind; but can you tell me if the pope
has sent any or his bulls over here to show '."
"No," said be, smiling tremendously, "but
'fllioill; lir ,n lie 8 a UtSUtllllH U lilt. Lieut
B a uerges." Neither Mrs. Partington no?.,y
V"""" ' "T b" h
oudly, an those outside Lugbed louder ihan
be, much to his satisfaction. They laughed
even louder when he round swinging from Ms
button behi d a tag beating the inscription,
"Vermont Boy," with nge and weight given,
but he didn't. Ami Ike was lookin. so irno
cent y all the while trying to make the ram
sneeze by lickling his nose wuh a straw I
CTA jest is no argument, and loud latighter
A Short Polittickle Sermint.
rantin', ravin' liigterist, Abolitionist and dis
the unionist - fur 'he plajed on a harp of a thou
pieces. sai,l strings sperrits oi just men made perfic'
'Then thar's the straight out Whig a re
It spectable sort or a character in contrast with
lle peiccding who represents the fusionist.
He don't want to see the Union destroyed, but
be knows he can't help it if he runs on his
'own hook, and that he had better run wid der
machine that's bound tj be ahead and wash
the other tubs. He plays on a harp of a single
siring, but his execution is imperfect,
'Then thar's the libeial and the genuine,
old- fashioned Democrat, They don'l go whirl-
ing round in circiimbendilises they ain't afraid
1 speak right out in meetin' ihey ai:it afraid
of nobody nor nothin'. They carry their
Union flag afloat the bunting all kivered o'ei
with stars and stripes g'ortousand victorious;
because it's the banner of tie Union.
'They go lor personal freedum for popular
ii:tts for justice lo all men and all pans of
"My Brsthering, I will take for my text the
same which was preached onto by my brother
at Brandon, Mississippi, of which you all have
doii'Jliess heerd : "And he played on a harp of
a thousand strings sperits of just men made
".My brethren there is as many strings to
politix as there is to a lyre end a good many
liars lo eeny most every string; Iben there aint
but one on 'em all Ihnl rings out the music of
lhe union to which ever true patiiot had ought
to keep step for 'he p ayed on a haip of a
thousand strings sperrits of just men made
'Ktisl thar's the Know Nothin ! His name
exprtss.-s the amount of disinformation, but
it doutconvry a:: idea of his n sources. He's
lhe most extraordinary animal
he 15 (urand against a variety c
in the show
yof topics; he's
temperance and he drinks he f fur the Main
Law so pcrvided he can violate il he's lur
and afeiusl fusion he's on Abolitionist and
he a in' I an Abolitionist he's here an he's
mm nnu nc 111 ie nu won r in ioveniuer
fur 'he played on a harp of a thousand strings
sperits of just men made perfic
'Tt.en thar's the polmirkle cobbler, goi n'
round like a roariiti; gret n bay jackass seekin'
where he may humbug somebody. He's all
",e colors of the rainbowl
and more change
pouuikv. He is a
a'''e than the Camelia J
" hig and Anti- lug, anil Know Nothin' and
Ami Know Nothin fur (uniners and agin
furri'iers, fur everybody and acin everybody,
but principal ly g Ion.--headed, wooly-headed,
lhe country lor light instead or darkness for
open discussion instead of midnight cubal for
sen goieriiment and not oligarchy; and they
s" "" "'r nn-miniem i unieu wiin
pop' lor feelin1 though its nmde of beech wood
and they play on a harp of a thousand
strings, and every string an honest principle.'
N. Y. Ezchange.
A dispute arose between three noblemen.
one Irish, one Scotch and the ot lur English, as
to the disiiuclive traits of their respective
countrymen. A wager was laid that the Irish
were the wittiest, the Scotch most cunning and
tire English most frank. They agreed to walk
out iu the sireels ol London, and the first one
of either nation met should be inquired of as
to what he would take tostund watch all night
in the tower of St. Paul's Church. They
soon nitt a John Bull, Whom they accosted
"What will you take lo stand all night in
the lower of St. Paul's ?"
"I shouldn't want to do ilshortofaguinea,'
frankly replied Mr. Bull.
The next one accosted was a Scotchman.
Snr.dy replied with his cunning "What
will you cive nte 1"
Last but nol least, Patrick was inquired of
as to what he would take to stand all night iu
St. Paul's tower.
To which Pat wittily answered "An sure
an' I think I should take a divil of a cowid."
The wager was won.
A Hard Hit.
"Many years ago, before the Philadelphia
nary yard was enclosed by a brick wall, the
children of poor families in the neighborhood
were in the habit of procuring chips, etc.,
from the workshops, for fuel. This gave op
portunity furthers of copper shea ing, bolts,
and other valuables ; Which determined the
commandant, Commodore J.imes B.irron, lo
issue orders against lhe practice. Some days
after the promulgation of this order, saunter
ing down the yard one morning, his eye fell
on an whin whose basket as well filled
with the inter lifted chips ; and the little rebel,
in conscious guilt, skulked behind a large
stack or timber, hopini; hf had thus escaped
official viitilance. But the Commodore de
lected the 'dodge,' ilrapged the culprit from
his conculnur:!, overturned the basket, and
tweaking the nose of his captive, ordtred him
to bent a spveily retreat and never again lo
he cuilty of a similar trespass. Taking him
self off to a saf-j ilislnnce, the liltle fellow
hailed his captor with :
"I x y, Commodore, I guess that's the first
prise you ever took !"
There is no being on the habitable elobe
more degenerated and more contemp-ible than
a la'ller. Vicious principle.', wain of honesty,
servile meanness, despicable iusidiousiiess.
form his character. Has he wit? Iiialtemnt-
ing to display it, he makes himself a fool.
Has he Iriends f By unhesitatingly disclosing
their secrets, he will make 'hem Ins most bit
ter enemies. By telling all he knows, he will
soon discover to lhe world that he knows but
mile. Does he envy an individual ! His
tongue, Iruitlul with ralsehoo', defames his
character. Does he covet favor from any one?
He attempts logain it by slandering others.
ilis approach is feared, his person hated, his
company unsought, and his sentiments d-
s pied as emanating from a heart fruitful with
in ile, teeming with iniquity loaded with envy,
hatred and revenue.
A Modkl Clkrk Young man "I col'ed to
see about the clerkship you advertised as va
cant." Old Gent-"Hem! Have you a gold watch
and chain, a tost horse, a diamond ring, six
suits orclothet;, a bull-dog. a thousand cignis,
a esk or brandy, and an assortment or canes?"
Younc Man "Yes, sir, got 'em all."
Old eent--"Then you'll suit. . My other
clerk furnished himself with all those out of
the till, so, as you're supplied, I'll save the ex
pense." (TTA clergyman of a country village desired
his clerk lo give notice lhe.t there would be no
service in the afternoon as he was going lo
"olliciale fi r another clergyman.' The clerk,
as soon as the s, rmon wss ended rose up ith
all due solemnity and said, "I'm desired to
give notice there will be no service this after
noon, as Mr. L. is going a fishing with another
Clergyman!' The congregation tittered. The
Rates of Advertising.
One qusre (or less) S insertions, 11:00
" " Each additional insertion, 2a
" Three months, .... j;rjo
" " Six months :00
4i 'jwe,v, months, ... f :rjo
On fourth of a column per year, . 16.00
" talf . . 18:00
" column "... 0:00
Al! over a squar charged as two square.
trAdverlisementa inserted till forbid it
th expense of the advertiser.!
Executed at this office with neataest and d.
pitch, at the lowest possible rates.
JOB WORK Pen, Paste & Scissors.
tTKeep good company or none.
JTEtrn your money befote you spend it.
tTKeep your own secrets, if you have any,
fcyMore are drowned in the wine-cup tLaii
fr-He who puts off till by and bye, often
puts off forever.
'ty "Take a pinch of snuff, Pompey?"
;No, massa, tank you; nose not hungry dis
tune." 6 '
ITA man that hoards riches and enjoys them
not, is like an ass thai carries gold and eats
J.T"You look as if you were beside yourself,'
as the wag said to a fop who happened to be
standing by a donkey.
IJA California jt-ry, in a suicide case, late
ly loun-1 this verdict: "We, the jury, find
that the deceased was a fool."
ftr-The "scene that followed" and "beg
gared description," has turned back and gone
to seek an honest livelihood.
IT A coffee house in Cincinnati has a sign
of an inverted boot, as a delicate hint to delin
quent customers to "root up."
nrU'hy is the ghost in Hamlet like a pea
Because he "could a tale unfold."
ICrSocrateJ seeing a scolding wife, who had
hung herself on an olive tree, exclaimed-"Oh,
that all irecs would bearsticb fruit!"
IT A drunken man was recently trying to get
a watchman to arrest his own shadow. He
complained that an ill looking scoundrel was
ITTFIowers and fruits are always fit pres
ents; fljwers, because Ihey are proud asser.
tions that a ray or beauty outvalues all the
utilities of the world.
BTWell, Johnny, what kind of cake do
you like?" "Why, I like sponge cake, and
pound cake, and plum cake and any kind of
(lie but itomach ache."
0"Miss can I have the exquisite pleasure
of rolling the wheel of conversation around the
axenree oi your understanding a few minute
this evening ."' The lady fainted.
ITT An Englishman, paying an Irish shoe
black with rudeness, a dirty uichin, but a
wit, said: "My honey, all the polish you have
is on your boots, and I gave it to you."
fr There is one reflection which must be
consoling to the pool African that, however
reduced their circurmtances might be, they
weie never known to be without a scent.
IT"I undernland your father is dead," said
a man to a little boy, ns he entered the house.
"You're rigl.l now, old boss," said he, "he's
laid out in t'other 100m as cold as a wedge 1"
inA western editor asks the following ques
tion: "If a fellow has nothing when begets
married, and the girl has nothing, is berthings
his'norhis things her'nf We maintain the
rr"Mike,' said a bricklayer to his hodman,
"il you meet P trick, tell him to make haste,
as we are waiting fur him.' "Sure and I will,
replied Mike; "but what will I tell him if I
dun'; mate hiiii!"
ftr "Have you dined ?" said a lounger to
his friend. 'I have, upon my honor," replied
he. "Then," replied the first, "if you have
dined upon your honor, ! fear that you have
made but a sc.'nty meal."
UJA first Bttemi't at poetry reads thus:
The gleam of her cy was bright:
The g'eam of her gold was brighter;
The tirst w as a beautiful sight;
The second was a beautiful slghtor;
ITAn Exchage, commenting on the singular
circumstance Hut a number of Cincinnati
young ladies have recently been married and
carried away to other places, rays no city has
a oetier claim lo supply ipare ribs for the uni
verse. Reapy to Pur. A nice youns man, bnvine
devoted himself to the special eiitenaii.m.'titof
a company of pretty girls for a whole evening,
demanded payment in kisses, when one of
them instantly replied: "Certainly, Str, pre
sent your bill!"
!TTA woman is either worth nothing, or a
great deal. If good for nothing, she is not
worth geltingjealous forjirshe be a true wom
an, blie will give no cause for lealuusv. A
man is a brute to be jenlous of such a woman
a fool to be jealous of a worihless one, but a
double tool locut his thioal lur either of them.
A Live Ischium. At an assemblage of a
few friends one evening lately, the absence of
a lady was noticed which was apologized for
by an acquaintance, who stated that she was
detained by a "little incident." "Ah, yes,"
exclaimed Mrs. Clatlerbell, "and a beautiful
incident il was, loo weighs just nine pounds
aiid a quarter."
IP Some New York paper says '.hat a "far
mer on Long Island lias just r ised a cabbage
of such extravagant dimensions, thai he had to
blast it with powder iu order to get it fit for
crotit. The outside leaves are to be dried to
serve as horse blankets while the stalk will
take its place as a pump opposite Subb's tav
ern in Hempstead."
BTThere is a chap "deown east," whogoe
in for suspending all debts, including thedebt
o' natur, for twenty years. Another chap says
that if all the del-o-nators ore suspended so
high that folks can't reach 'em, the yearth will
become so thickly peopled that the crust will
break through, and we shall all come, kei
splosh, right into lhe burning lavy underneath
UT'Facts are stuborn things,' said a lawyer
to a ferr.a'e witness under examination. She
wsj one of the Lize breed, and answered.
"es, liree; and so are women, ar.d if you get
anything out of me, just let me know it.
'You'll he committed for contempt.' 'Very
well, I'll suffer justly, for I feel the utmost .
contempt for every lawyer prerent.' She wa
allowed to run." New York Atlas.
STMy daughter shall never marry s mechan
io with my blessing!" answered wealthy
father to an honest Typo's application for that
daughter's hand in marriage, a number of
years ago. The father has aince died in a poor
house, and the loo obed'ate daughter is living
on the charity of her friends; while the once
poor Typo is now enjoying reasonable riches,
and has twice served his countrymen in offices
of trusl and honor. Moral Dues rr.onev nab.