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I5STAHCEB OF KAKU1ED BLESSI5G3.
ET OZIAS mSSCUMCS.
onll think nio Simple Simon,
jr think iny -wife a diamond.
Or think as both two innllock heftfls In one;
Tint trouble began early,
i'or both our beads are cnrly.
Which trouble was to kuow vhlch o' us ires
Thus e were in ecninslon,
hen wife made an aUusIon
Which sent me for her her ina, a trusty narao ;
Then wife and I learned early
lidther'e head was most early
Instead of leu of war the fis'ji tht eoon bo
But peace her irisgi exrandal.
Our war-ships all were strandwl.
For mother seemed to give to jwace a boost ;
Dot with her head mot curly
Sim m for us too early ....
lielore we were aware she grandly ruled Ui
My wife's dear uncles were many, .
Her annta -were aa many more.
Her cousin! were more than a hundred
When I heard of the poor-house door.
They thought I'd married the family.
As one of tbe gang or more
Wero always ith us at the table.
And I thought of the poor-house door.
My beefsteak, bread una potatoes
Grew woefully less and not more.
Her camiv"rous, herbtv'rous kindred I
So I looked at the poor-house door.
At last th' remainder wae eaten.
And so there remained nothing more
Excepting dear wife and her kindred.
So I knocked at ilie poor-house door.
My head was gray from providing.
They grumbled because t'wan iiot more
They called me a worthless old spendthrift
Whf n I ontered the poor-house door.
Sly wife then left me and wondered
Why she had not done so befor;
Ehe went to tbe home of her kindred.
Who then sigbtod the poor-house door.
At lart we're once more united.
But as paupers and nothing more ;
We're both growing fat for the doctor!
To take us from the joor-house door.
They'll slowly stew her in kettles,
And me, as I'm tough, will stew more;
Our bones they will string up with wires
When we go from the joor-house door.
They'll bak 's about through the country
Ab traitors, or beauties, or more.
Or closet us up to scare children
W hen we're gone from the poor-houBO door.
The Story of a Tragic
BY B. M. DAVY.
XX A iiuxtiso countisy.
Sleep being entirely out of the ques
tion, 1 was early astir, packed my port
manteau and joined Hawks at the break
fast table, he imagining tho while that I
merely meant to accompany him to the
On my way up-stairs to excuse my de
parture to Georgia I encountered Mrs.
Armstrong. Sho appeared on the look
out for me. .
"Tho mistress has geJten a sick head
ache an' docs na wish to be distorbed,"
JJut I'm going from home for three
days. Sirs. Armstrong
"Weel, Eor, nn' that's no news. She
tolled me so hersen."
Edna had uono this she had made tho
y easy to me, God bless her!
"Can I neither see my wifo nor Miss
"Na. Ye justcanua."
The carriago was announced, and we
Bet cff. Hawks, noticing my bag, asked
an explanation, and I told him I intended
going as far as York, adding, agnely,
'that I had heard of a horo for sale there.
SI deemed it wisest to m.ike no mention of
Leicestershire een to Charlie.
On parting company at York his last
words were, "I guess jou'll not forget
the tip I gave you last night, eh, old
tPP.'.i.p.1 Raid. "All rieht. Charlie,"
then set about making inquiries as to how
'T nnli1 hflst reach AVhitmoro Park. After
considerable delay I obtained tho name
of the nearest pet town, nud for that I
took my ticket; but found, on my arrival,
there was still a branch lino to travel be
fore I could get any way near my destina
tion. , .
It was 7 o'clock in the evening, and al
most dark, when. v. earied and impatient
with the long, slow journey, I alighted at
a small way bide station. n mo excep
tion of a ftinale who got out of a second
or third class cairiago, the rest of the pas
sengers went on.
"How far Is it to Whitmore ParkTMr.
Hargreavo'8 place?" I asked of the ticket
collector before passiugthroughthe tum-
"Whitmore Tark is about three miles
off; but Mr. Hargieave's been dead these
two years an' more."
"Indeed! Will you inform mo who met
thero now?" -
Major O'Ncil, sir."
Is ho ft hunting man?"
"He's a master of hounds, sir."
"Ah, Mr. Hargroave used to be. Did the
Major keep on tho same huntsmen and
whips, I wonder?" I asked, with studied
"Xot one on 'em. Major O Neil brought
his own with him all Irish," he said,
with some disdain "even to the stable
"I wish I could have seen the old
huntsman, or some man who had been
in Mr. Hargreavo's stables," I said, mu
singly. ... ,- j
"That's easilv done, sir, ho replied.
with animation. "There's a good inn a
mile and a half down yonder road kept by
Tom Little, the late master s nunismau
'Little Tom' ho used to bo called in the
old Squire's time, an he's best known by
that namo vet. He;? pardon, .sir, but
you'd be Terv comfortable there if you
'happened to want a bed for the night.
He's got good stabling, too."
I thanked the man for his information,
and was about to push on in the direction
indicated, when 1 6aw him turn to receive
a ticket from a female who. hitherto un
observed, had probably overheard our
rnnTAra.ition. 1 looked at her. and there
was yet sufficient light to see she was a
little woman in a lirge cloak and bon
net: that she wore spectacles, carried
a basket of oranges, and leaned on a
stick. Then I set off at a swinging pace,
i and never slackened it until I reached the
At the open door stood a small, wiry
man, with a weather-beaten, good-humored
face, who looked as though he
might have been bom and bred in stables.
Mine host, assuredly. I ascertained that
I could be put up for the night, and he
as once lntiuinu il x icnuitou nau..ug.
No; I had merely come on a Toyage of
discovery, adding, as insinuatingly as I
"To speak perfectly frankly, Little, my
Chief object IS to nave a oaai wnu u.
I want yon to tell me something about
the Major's kennel, and what sport he
has been showing. The fact is, I have
tome thoughts of bringing my hunters
next season. That, however, will depend
i on your report."
The ruse succeeded. I was at one in
vited into the best parlor of the inn, and
while some supper was being prepared
for me, the ex-huntsman and I sat at op
posite sides of the cheerful, blazing fire,
both smoking, and I listening, with well
1 urniuw' interest, to such information as
a man anxious to hunt in that country
night be supposed to want.
At last, However, ttiuwut, .o.,
tnr-nifeating anv undue eagerness, I said:
"And now tell me something about the
old-days. You'd rather speak of them, I
"I'm not so sure I would, sir," he said,
shaking his head, while a cloud seemed
to settle on his hitherto cheerful face.
"There was that terrible catastrophe, 70a
-Ana what was that?"
"Don't you know? Didn't ytra ware
it when it happened? Why, the whole
hnntinc world was ringing with it."
-t was nnt of the hunting world for a
time; that may account for my ignorance.
t i,. tnlv taken to it strain this season,
I explained hurriedly and somewhat
lamelv. "Tell me the story. Do.
He 'laid his pipe down carefully, amd
aeerced preparing for a long yarn.
"She was just the handsomest girl yon
" ever saw, was Miss HargreaTe. sir, bar
no! 'Squire nargreaTe .si at
ladv grew up, the master took a fancy to
kee'r lifr out of the field. I wont go into
varticulars of the why and the wherefore
now. I believe he was in the right from
what I learnt afte.ward. but that's neither
here nor there. Anyhow, he got ridof
her hunters aud made her drive out with
bar ftepmother instead. Sbo had a high
spirit, hhe had, and tesented it. 'Tom,
ovo i)m in mn one dav. the end of De-
r-cniber of the season "!S, 'what'll you bet
I don't get a mount before this year's
out'' 'The master's bad to move, when's
mind's made up,' said I. "I don t mean
to ask him, but I'll be out, you'll see,
Tom," says she. And sure enough she
"She'd plenty of money at command,
any amount of pluck, and what does she
do but goes and bribes that sneaking
horsedealer fellow Brown to buy her a
horse. He bought her one and they kept
it dark. But this didn't come out till
f trward von must know. sir. The meet
was at Cowley's; a fox was found in
Winlow Willows. A grand old sly boots
he proved, and gave us a ring or two be
fore the catastrophe happened. My mind
was occupied only with my work, and I
never gave another thought to Miss Har
greave when I saw she didn't show up at
the meet. Now this is the story of how
it all happened, which I heard from more
than one eye-witness, sir.
"The master had ridden his horse at a
very large and deep drain, when Miss
Hargreave appeared suddenly, from
heaven knos whore, riding at a very
great pace. She gave a shout of laugh
ter, they say, as the set her horse also at
the place, close on the master's heels.
Too close, for the Squire's horse, thongh
he took tbe leap all right, in struggling
nn th nnnnsitA bank fell backward into
b -a-ator. Her horse carried her over
safe enough, but in so doing kicked the
poor Squire Good Lord! will any one
who was out that day ever forget it?
Hold hard, sir; I haven't quite done jet.
It's no secret I'm confiding to your keep
ing the whole field vouched for the
truth of it Miss Hargreave, sir,
rode on " .
"Good God! She did not know she
could not," I burst out, as a cold, creepy
sensation almost paralyzed the words
upon my lips,
"That's just the worst part of it, sir.
I'm afraid Bhe did."
"Impossible!" cried I. starting up in
my excitement "No woman in her
senses " .
But I was interrupted by the door of
the room being quickly opened, and a man
nnttin" his head in.
"Wanted," he said, making an im
patient sign to Tom Little; and leaving
tho door open, he disappeared.
Tom got up to go
"One moment," I cried. "Close that
door and finish your tale."
"Beg pardon, but it seems to have
rather affected on sir. You doa't hap
pen to be" ha paused and looked at mo
uneasily "in any way related I w.is
about to ask?"
"Go on. Tor God's sake, go on!
"Party won't wait. Wants jou this in
stant," said the man, this time grinning,
as he again put his head inside tho door.
I placed mjself between him and "mine
"My business mnst be attended to first,
sir," said the latter, looking at mo curi
ously. "If jou'll sit down again, I'll
finish the story when I como back."
He passed me and went out, closing
tho door behind him, but not before I
ha-l caught sight of n woman standing
outside. Though her lace was turnea
away, I recognized her at once as tho per
son I had seen at the Elation. She had
a basket on her arm, and was leaning c
tones of his voice, the expression of his
face as he uttered them, ever cease to
haunt me? . , . -
This, then, was the story which, a few
seasons ago, had been the talk of the
When a certain Mr. and Mrs. Dudley
took up their abode in far-off Northshtre,
and the huntingmen, who were so cordial
with Jack Dudley in the field, wished
their wives and mothers to call upon his
wife, they inquireu nrsi, "
"Lester Hargreave's daughter.
Why, every M. F. H. in the kjntdoic
would remember the tragic tale the very
moment the name was spoken. And how
the news would spread!
Need I wonder any longer ish " "-":
nma to Lancdale Grange? Need!
HT WOT! ASD MX nUESD.
That I am not endowed with a super
abundance of coolnesi and patience the
reader, doubtless, has already discovered;
but also that tho position in which I
found mvself was a trying one cannot be
denied. "Barely touching the supper that
hid been brought for me, I paced the
little room in a fever of impatience un
til Tom returned. Tbe moment he came
I was struck by the change in his ex
pressive face. There was an ominous
tightening abou the corners of his
month, and an evident desiro to avoid
looking at me. ..,..- .
I sat down again beside tho fire; be
also dropped into tho chair he had occu
"Now, sir, I can go on with my storj.
But, after all, thero is not much more to
tell. Let me see. Where was I?"
Ho spoke with some embarrassment,
quite at variance with his manner before
he left the room. I was silent. I would
not assiBt him by word or Iook. mat
something had occurred to alter his first
determination of telling me the whole
truth I felt convinced. Possibly the
strong emotion I had shown was the
cause. I would manifest less intordst;
by this means perhaps I might learu most.
"The poor 'squire was carried home.
He only recovered consciousness an hour
or so beforo he died. And what mado
mutters the more painful, you see, sir.
was this he knew very well it was that
Viek from his daughter's horse that had
done for him. Immediately after the
funeral, Mrs. Hargreave and her step
daughter left the Park; everything about
the place was sold, and I've been told the
ladies went traveling on the Continent."
"Is that all?" I asked.
"Well, yes, sir, that's about all."
"You had, in point of fact, finished the
story before you left the room?"
"If there is anything more you would
like to know that I can tell you, I'll do so,
sir." Clearly the answer was evasive.
"Yon said that Miss Harcreave rode on.
Would you mind explaining what yon
meant more fully?" I inquired.
"I said she rode on, and that all the
field could testify to it. I suppose the ex
citement of finding herself on horeback
once more caused her to lose her head. I
can give no further explanation on that
point, sir. Is there anything more you'd
lie to know?"
What had come over the man I knew
not, but felt it would be useless to purine
the subject. I would try him on another
"Doyonknowthe name of Gascoigne?"
I asked, abruptly.
"Gascoigne?" he repeated, and seemed
considering. "No, there's never been any
one of that name hereabouts to my knowl
edge, and I've been in this part over six
"Yon never heard of
am amn tn IjallfTaalO UIUUKB
wonder now what tana r.yniou ra
when she tried all woman could to dis
suade me from this fatal marriage?
Fool! Blind, infatuated dupe that I
had been to sell my liberty for the sake of
, .;i - .w.A Wammnn"
a Deauiuui iavo u -
But, alas, more remained to be discov
ered. The part Dr. Gascoigne played in
l:- no iinmi vu still to be ex
plained; and I vowed to heaven I would
neither sleep nor rest till the mystery sur
rounding him was solved.
I left Leicestershire by the first train
Fow long the return journey seemed
how wearisome all the changes and de
lajs? It was nearly 9 at night when I
found myself once more at Wexham.
I had telegraphed from York for a cab
to meet me, and two were waiting out
side the station. Selecting that to which
a pair of horses was attached, I was
about to enter it; when the driver stopped
me. It was engaged, he said, for a lady.
T therefore took possession of the othor.
and we were soon passed by the two
horse cab, which I could not help notic
ing was being driven at unusual sp'-d.
About half a mile from the Grange we
met the same vehicle returning; a ray of
moonlight glinting in showed me that it
The entrance to the grounds wai.
reached. The gates stood open. A few
seconds more audi should be in the pres
ence of my wife. Sudden conviction that
I was not prepared assailed me. I called
to the driver to stop; I paid him, took
my bag. and walked slowly along the
I did this to gain time to no other mo
tive can I assign the action to gain time
to frame tho words which could best ex
cuso my absence and explain why I had
returned a aaj- earner tuuu a ui u.
It was supposed I had gone to York
about a horse. I had not bought the
horse. The less said the better.
Stillbrooding over my somber thoughts,
almost unconsciously I turned along a
favorite walk which led round the side of
the house. All here lay in deepest shadow;
but a broad Hood of light from the
music-room window crossed the path and
lost itself in the shrubbery beyond.
Georgie is in there, I thought; but,
instead of hastening forward, I stood still.
One minute more with the fresh March
wind blowing on me one minute more,
and then .
I was close by the French window; I
had even advanced a step with the in
tention of tapping on the pane to be let
in, as I had done numoenesa iimea
fore, when it was flung suddenly open,
and a shadow fell along the illuminated
"There, that is better. The air will
soon revh o you." And the voice was tho
voice of Gascoigne, but he spoke with a
tenderness I had never heard from him
"Yes I I can breathe now." And
these words wero spoken by my wife.
The shadow seemed then 10 separate
to form two; and I felt certain that he,
Gascoigne, my friend heaven sao tho
mark! had been holding her in his arms!
The conversation that ensued was clearly
a continuation of one that had been go
ing on inside the room.
to he cosnsrED.1
Some Badly Broken English,
The dear women, G. l. 'c, do some
times got dreadfully tangled up in
words of more than one syllable or
verbiage a little out of their diction
aries. A gentleman was telling about
stopping at a Western Kansas farm
some years ago. It was daring tho
pleuro-pncumonia epizootic among
Texas cattle. He was discussing the
cattle fever with the farmer while the
latter's wife bustled about getting sup
jer. Happening to mention that Texas
cattle were quarantined, she pricked up
"Ha! That is the new cattle com
plaint we hear 60 much about, ain't it?
Quar'ntine, you say?"
This is no worse than a patient in
Providence Hospital perpetrated. Sho
was suffering from sovere pains in the
stomach, and what are called by the
nurses "stupes" were applied. A
"stupe" is simply a heavy flannel cloth
wrnnir out in boilinc water, and ap
plied hot to the seat of pain. Stupe is
pronounced as thongh spelled "stoop."
The patient was so muca reiievmi uy
THE LITTLE FOLKS.
vniafsthlslhear? My little girl
Wants gold with ferns a dancing?
Big amethysts and diamond rings.
Coral and pearl in endless strings.
Expensive and entrancing?
Now, dear, (I took one curling lock
Twlxt my caressing fingers),
iObserve thesesllken threads I hold;
Here's a gleam and glow In love-locks
There is your wealth of precious gold,
Where melting sunlight lingers,
' Sapphire and diamond why yon have
Of them In endless treasure:
For in my little darling's eyes
The glory of the starry skies
In gleam and sparkle multiplies
Their captivating measure.
Rubles! I kissed her little lips
So innocently smiling;
What rubles are so red as these
80 beautiful, or apt to please?
N'o corals hid In tropic seas
Were ever so beguiling.
And as for pearls, one little smile
Of cheery, winsome brightness
Beveals two rare, bewildering rows.
Where purest luster brightly glows.
The softest gleam of moonlit snows
I Excelling in their whiteness.
Hchariw M. Snyder, in Pittsburgh Bulletin.
Folly and the Minister.
Sister Bobbins lay upon her siok bed,
says Wide-Aicake, watching the clock,
the slant of the sunbeams and occa
sionally talking to her Polly a wise
looking gray parrot with glitterine
tejes and brilliant scarlet tail. II
would be better, perhaps, to say thai
she replied to Polly, for the parrot
was by far the more talkative.
There came a rap at the door of the
room. "Whoa!" taid Polly. "Come
in," said Sister Bobbins.
The visitor entered and proved to b
the Methodist minister. Polly crept
1 to Mrs. Bobbins and cuddled close up
to the lady's neck, laving her gray pati
.close beside her mistress' cheek. Aftei
isome conversation the minister pro
posed to Sister Bobbins that they havi
"a season of prayer," and according!
knelt by her bedside and with closed
eyes and devout voice began to pray.
Polly's eyes glittered more than ever.
She crept unnoticed from her place oj
refuge, and with slow-lifted claws anj
' noiseless step over the white counter
pane went close to the unconscioui
minister. She scanned him meditsj
tivelv. and then, when her head was H
near his that you would have thought
his ear in danger of being snipped off,
ho suddenly cried out in the clearest
1 tones: "What in the world are yoi
Sister Bobbins finds it hard to con.
vince the minister that they have fami
ly prayers. He says Polly's evidence
is against her.
"Oh!" groaned Aunt liancyfrom hei
bed, "how I wish I could have somt
strawberries. Seems as if 1 couian 1
wait for 'em to get ripe."
Little Milly was just asking mammi
if she could stop to play with Pet Pot
tor on her way home from school.
"You may stay till six o'clock,
But on her way home Milly though!
of poor, sick Aunt Nancy.
"PH go and try to find her somt
strawberries, instead of stopping U
1 tilav with Pet." she thought.
Ho she turneoin at tne pasture Dan
when she was near home, and went up
on the spruce hill where the strawber
ries ripen early.
She only found one occasionally, and
got very tired. Sitting down to rest
she finally fell over on the soft mosi
When half-past seven came, then
eight, and Milly did not come, hei
mother felt worried and sent James
down to Mr. Potter's to find her.
"She didn't stop here at all," Mrs.
Then such a worry as they all were
in. Men and boys started out with
lanterns and guns and dogs. Bose
seemed to know they were hunting for
Milly. He found her track at the bars,
and followed on until he found her,
lion he beiran to bark.
Milly awoke at his cold nose on her
face, and sat up oewuaerea enuugu.
But she was soon at home, and Aunt
Nancv was delighted with the straw
berries. Youth's Companion.
INVENTORS AND INVENTIONS..
Bhcks boiled In coal tar are rendered;
hard and durable, and machine-made-'
brick, it boiled for a long period, say1
twenty-four hours, becomes water-proof.,
Bricks thus treated are well adapted fort
ewers, cesspools and the foundations ofl
HouaxuxpzBS will appreciate a re-j
cent invention for shelling peas. In
this machine green peas in the pod may)
be introduced in quantities, and the
peas are cleaned and expeditiously sep
arated from the pods, irrespective of
size. The machine is provided with a
means for discharging the pods and thei
helled peas separately into convenient!
A bbtw invention is that of a collapsi-'
ble railway car in which the principle of)
air cushions is applied to prevent dan-i
gerous accidents in case of collisions.
The car will be in two compartments,
one larger than the other and empty, so
that when a collision occurs the smaller
section will be forced into the larger,
the air In which will act as a cushion
and relieve tho occupied section of tho
E. A. Gamjutd, a Wisconsin man, has
Invented a peculiar clock. It consists
of three egg-shells set on pivots, one to
denote the hour, one the minutes and
the other the seconds. The shells re
volve on tho pivots without apparent
mechanism to give them motion. Mr.
Garland intends making one with glass
balls and hanging an incandescent lamp
in each ball, so the clock can be mado to
serve as a lamp as well as a time-piece.
It looks as though the cork-screw
would have to go. Some genius has in
vented a champagno wire outter which
is sightly as well as useful and resem
bles a pair of curled pliers with a sharp.
inner edge. To open a champagno or
soda bottle tho cutter is applied to tho
wire, and after being separated the
plier is turned to the right and left, thus
loosening the cork, which can then be
raised out of the bottle by the cutter.
Ir is very seldom that a request for a
patent is refused to a Scottish applicant,
and when it is the reason almost inva
riably is that tho idea has already been
patented. One of the earliest Scotch
inventors in this country was old Hugh
Ojt, a Lochwinnoch man, who had a
I foundry at Bridgowater, Mass., during
the revolutionary times. He was well
known in his life-time to Washington
and the other American leaders, as from
his foundry came most of their iron and
brass cannon. Orr invented many agri
A DOCTOR'S CONFESSION.
Is ttof wBktiT wifJUfra,
He Tat, It ifc Taakee Blade.
"Uncle Aba, they tell me your colored
thurch is very exclusive?"
"It tries to be, sab, but er white an
will sneak In ercasionsllr." Epoch.
sb Poetet Take Much Medtelna mad Ad
vises the Beportar Not To.
"Hnrnbngl Of course it is. The so-called
science of medicine is a humbug and has
been from the time of Hippocrates to the
present Why the biggest crank In the In
dian tribes Is tho medicine mnn."
"Very frank was tho admission, especially
so when it camo from one of tho biggest
young physicians of tha city, oco whose
practice is among the thousands, though he
has been graduated but a few years," says
the Buffalo Courier. "Very cozy was his
office too, with its cheerful grate fire, its
Queen Anne furniture, and its many lounges
and easy-chairs. Ho stirred the fire lazily,
lighted a fresh cigar, and went on."
"Take the prescriptions laid down in tha
books and what do you find! Poisons
mainly, and nauseating stuffs that would
make a healthy man an Invalid. TVhy in tha
world science should go to poisons for its
remedies I cannot tell, nor can I find any
one who can."
"How does a doctor know the effect of his
medicine!'' ho asked. "He calls, prescribes,
and goes away. Tho only way to judge
would be to stand over tlio bed and watch
the patient- This cannot be done. So,
really, I don't know how he is to tell what
good or hurt he docs. Sometime ago, yoi
remember, tho Boston Globo sent out a re
porter with a stated set of symptoms. He
went to eleven prominent physicians and
brought back eleven different prescriptions.
This just shows how much scienco there is
'a medicine." ..... . I all in ocal culture. Puck.
mere are local uiscisesoi various cnar-i
actersfor which nature provides positive
remedies. They may not bo included in the
regular physician's list, perhaps, because of 1
their simplicity, but tho evidence of their I
euraUve power is beyond dispute. Kidney'
diseaso is cured by Warner's Safe Cure, a '
strictly herbal remedy. Thousands or per
sons, every year, writo as docs H. J. Gardi
ner, of Pontiac, It. I., August 7, 1S90:
"A few years ago I suffered more than
probably ever will be known outside of my.
self, with kidney and liver complaint It is
the old story I visited doctor after doctor,
but to no avail. I was at If ewport, and Dr.
Blackmau recommended Warner's Safe
Cure. Icommcncedtheuseof it and fount
relief immediately. Altogether I toon
three bottles, and I truthfully state that
Smeere Daube has received a good
round sum for that picture ha has jntt
Mahelsticke Indeed. What is to be his
Smeere The town, I fancy. Munsey's
rred I wish my girl would hurry up
and marry me. If she is going to.
Edwin Is she keeping you in suspense ?
Fred Xo, expense Detroit Free Press.
Teacher Willie, can you name the five
Tommy (from back seat) I 1 can tell.
Teacher Well. Tommy, what are they?
Tommy A half dime.
The maiden said "Yesr
What means his distress,
And why does his hope's star grow dim ?
The maiden said "Yes '
When forced to confess
More love for his rival than him.
The cat has nine lives and spends them
KsvsaellBywtat awaffi hi jgp
-t At. yea. "Oat ef sighs. Ml at
Borneo For yon. dsxllng, I would 1
rifice everything family, rank, pesMsa:
Juliet (somewhat uneasy )-jIn Use 1 attar
case what would there be for as teltvaj
Lucy (effusively) Hy djSer, X VMS)
very sorry that I was not In tr hea yea.
Jossie (earnestly) Please do not feet
vexed, dear; I assure yon it didn't matter
at all. Pittsburg Bulletin.
"Why, where have you been so lasgr'
she asked, as he joined the party Ate.
'0h, simply indulging In quiet refec
tions." "Oh, yon vain man! Looking at TO'
self in the mirror, 1 suppose."-!elr Yor
'Tis now a man, with blank despair,
Of cherished hopes bereft,
Discovers that he'll have to wear
Just what the moths have left
Making Their Fortunes.
"Mr. Childs will pay twelve oents a
pound for dried strawberry leaves."
Two small pairs of ears heard Mrs.
Allison say this about the new mer
chant. Then Alice went out of the
room, and beckoned Nettie to follow.
"Did you hear that?" she asked ex
citedly. "Just think of the strawberry
CHOICE BITS OF HUMOR.
PbottdMotiteb (piqued that her child's
(advances meet with no response from
fair stranger) "Why, baby, dear, that's
'not your grandma!"
"Wht so downcast?" "Ilostamag
iniflcent umbrella yesterdayP "Leave
it in the train?" "No; I met the owner
of it in the city, and ho recognized it at
Architect "Have you any suggest-,
.ions for the study, Mr. Quickrich?"
JQuickrich "Only that it must be brown.)
Great thinkers, I understand, are gen
erally found in a brown study."
IjrDiGJTAST Landlord (to tenant of flat)
"I thought yousaidyourchlldren were
(all grown up, and here you have threo
noisy babies in tho house." Tenant
"Yes, these are my grandchildren."
Woman (to tramp who had eaten a
iwholo mince pie) "You seem to have a,
(good appetite." Tramp (with tears in his.
ieyes)' "Yes, madam, this is all 1 have in.
jthe world which I can rightly call my
CnoiXET (whose legs are a triflo
bowed, to a tailor) "Aw I'm very par
ticular y' know, about the fit of my
Jtrousers." TalIor-."The fit will bo all
right, sir. I'll cut the cloth with a pair
fit bent shears."
Indiosast Visitor "I told you flvo
tor six times to wake me up this morning
.at seven. Here it is ten o'clock. Why
didn't you wako mo up sooner?" Hotel
.Porter "I did wake you up sooner, sir,
lonly you didn't hear me."
. A youxo fellow, not quite so wiso asj
Solomon, was eating some Cheshire,
cheese, full of mites, one night at at
tavern. "Now," said he, "I havo dono
as much as Samson, for I havo slain my
thousands and my tens of thousands."
i"Ycs," answered one of the company,(
"and with the same weapon, too the
jaw bone of an ass."
their application that sho wanted them 1 jjn onr pft8ture! Why, we can
haands ever since eoaaing to the proper
ty. nd his daughter had beam wed to the
i aaiidia from a baby, bat, wham the jmsI
;S ,A mmAA from a baby, bat.
a Dr. Gascoigne,
"Who was attending Mr. Hargreave
when he died?"
"Dr. Wilson, from C ; and a great
London doctor came down when it was
too late." . ,.
"Where is Dr. Wilson now? Possi
bly I could hear of Gascoigne through
He's dead, sir."
"Did he attend Miss Hargreave? You
see I'm taking you at your word, and ask
ing plenty of questions."
It Miss Hargreave neeoea a aocior, no
would attend her, naturally, as he was,
you may say, the family doctor. But the
young iady was never ill enough to re
quire medical attendance. She'd one of
the grandest constitnlions poing."
"But afier that terrible tragedy, for in
stance, was she not ill? Did no medical
man attend her on tnai occasion: x in
quired, vividly recallinc to mind what
Mrs. Hargreavo had told me of her daugh
ter's attack of brain fever, of the shock
her nerves had undergone, of tho doctor's
advice concerning her.
"You rive mo credit for more knowl-
I edge than I possess, sir," answered Little.
! T 1.1 ...... XTw Hn.nM.Tll rtl 1ltfr StfTl-
daughter left the Park immediately after
the funeral. I wonder what's got them
now?" he said, looking at me keenly.
Involuntarily I winced, feeling that the
tables were being turned on me.
I rose and tried to laugh.
"Evidently your too graphically teld
tain Tnaa had a denressinc eliect ." I said.
"I'll go outside now and try to walk
Alone and in the darkness I would
think over what I had just heard. Alone
and In darkness! How truly did those
words describe my own condition!
It was evident there was no farther in
formation to be gathered from the ex-huntsman-
In point of fact, perhaps
there was so more to learn. God knows
it was enough! But even then, as I
trasssed along the unknown road that
starless aight, my passion had somewhat
oooled,andl felt I might have pitied
Georgie had it act been for those damn
law words of Little's, beneath which such
subtle meaning lurked "Miss Hargreave.
sic, rede esk" Good Gadl would the
"Put another wan av thim porches an
me stummick, bless yer swate face,"
said she to the Sister, "and may the
Blessed Vargin do the same for you!" '
Mr. J. M. Browne, of the Postoffico '
Department, told another in the same j
"I used to travel for a grocery house
out in Indiana, and frequently wont
down into tho back country. We drum
mers get together once in a while and
have a good time. One day the head
engineer of a line which was being pro
jected down through that section got in
" 'Which two of you,' said he, "were
down through E last week?' he
"My partner and I acknowledged
that we had been there.
" Well,' said the engineer, it is a
great country, isn't it?'
" Tes, it is that.'
" 'The people are right innocent and
nnsophistocated, arcn t they .'
"'They certainly are.'
" 'I put up with my ashistants : go
an old lady to get dinner for us down
there the other day. She didn't Lave
much to eat on the table, so I asked her
for some sirnp. "Which?" said she.
"Some sirup," I repeated; sorghum
molasses." "Oh, 'lasses. Law, why
didn't you say what vou meant. You
fellers use sich hifalntin' languidges
that nobody kin understand you. ow,
last week ther wnz two drummer fel
lers down here an' they nsed my gals
ef thar wuz anv oscnlaiin round yer,
an' I've no doubt there's lots of it ef
we'd on'y a-knowed what they meant.'"
A PARCEL OF DATES.
Josh BiTling-t PhHo.opliy.
A man with a hed phnll ov branes
kan afford tew be karcless once in a
while, for even Liz blunders are bril
Experience inkreases onr wizdum,
but don't redu-e onr phollys.
Buty iz 1 oticr; but the most treach
erous one I kno ov.
I hav no doubt that the human hart
kontains all the pure attributes that
tho angels ro-sscss, but no single hu
man hart kontains even a moity of
A man who iz neither good nor bad
iz like an old musket laid away, with
out any lock, but a heavy charge in it.
Too mutch ov the Tcliprion in this
niVlr tnnR of 'em!'
"Why, Alice, I don't believe we
could find time to pick a ton."
"I should think we might if we tried
hard. Let's go at it this very day.
We'll make our fortunes.
Mother Banks wasn't as much ex
cited as the girls when they told her
their plans. .
"It will take a great many to weigh
a pound," she said.
But the girls were all courage, and
that afternoon they went into the pas
ture and busily picked strawberry
leaves where, a few weeks before, they
had picked berries.
It was pleasant work. The bobo
links came about and chattered sauci
ly, the robins whistled in the treetops,
and thev found a ground-bird's nest
with three tiny, spotted eggs.
When the horn blew for supper, they
weut home and spread their leaves is
'the back chamber to dry. The floor
"What shall we buy with our mon
ey?" was now the great question, and
they made all sorts of plans.
They looked at the leaves everyday,
surprised that they shrank up so.
When at last they were dry, the (rujs
took them to the store, and Mr. Childs
weighed them half a pound !
So they had three cents apiece!
Had Ones Been Tonus;.
rallnr Is there an vthinK more lean
do for your comfort, Mrs. Muggers?
Mrs. Muggers (very deal and nearly
blind) Only one thing. Wouldn't
you introduce me to some of the society
Caller With pleasure. No doubt
thev will be glad to be of assistance.
Mrs. Muggers Yes; you see, I get
tired staying at home, and Pm very
sure if they knew how I am afflicted
they'd be glad to take me on all their
little excursions, as chaperon. Good
An Old Subscriber.
"Johnny," asked Mr. Mene, "what is
the address of the Weekly Banner?'
-T An-n't. Trnnw. air." said JohnBT.
"Well, run over to Mr. Brown's aad
borrow a copy of this week's paper, and
well soon find out. I want to write a
note to the editor." . ..-..
And ho signed himself Old Sub-criber.
Faxs wero used by the ancients andj
are distinctly mentioned as oeing usea'
in 10(5 B. C.
Dr.UMS were beaten for the first tirao
on tho entrance of Edward III. into
Calais, in 1347.
It is believed that tho hollyhock was
"brought to Europe from China as early
as tho year 1573.
T.an sign of equality was first used in
1557 by a sharp mathematician, who
substituted it to avoid repeating "equal
B.01.LER skatts were first patented by
a London fruiterer named Tycrs in
1SJ3 and his pattern had ono lino of
Locks were used by the Egyptians,
Greeks, Komans and Chineso. Du Canjjo
mentions locks and padlocks as early
XUK art vi ijriunij 3 jhui.u
into Scotland about tho year 150S. It
had taken more than thirty years to
travel from England.
Jitstices of tho pcaco were first ap
pointed in England by Edward III., in
tho year 1527, and in 13G0-1 they wero
empowered to try felonies, while their.
wa"cs were fixed by Gichard II. in 13S3.
ward .McAllister's son is a member
of the Seventh Begiment, and not long
since went with his regiment to Peek
skill, where the State military encamp
ment was being held. One rainy dis
agreeable night young McAllister was
put on guard duty, his assignment be
ing to guard a wagon supposed to con
tain army supplies. McAllister stood
it for about two hours, and then, wet to
the skin and sad in mind, called up
Col. Appleton. "Colonel," said he,
"how much is that infernal old wagon I
am guarding worth?" "About $300,"
was tho answer. "All right," replied
McAllister, "if I give you my check for
the money will you let mo go to bed?"
Tho dismal prophecy has been made
that coffee will soon ceajo to be the
beverage of the people; that the plant
is dying out and that growers are giving
up its production and turning their at
tention to tho raising of tea. It is
hinted that men must take to tea. This
would be a great triumph for the habi
tual tea-driuker who scorns tho fragrant
drink which ii mado from coffee berry.
Converts would be forced to hii beb'of
by the tens of thousands. When all
this shall come to pass, wo may seo men
closing an elaborate dinner with cups
of coffee small as thimbles. At cafes
the precious liquid would be dealt out
at fabulous prices and coffeo would be
come an amazing extravagance only to
be found at the banquet of a modern
IiUculIus a luxury to be compared with
Cleopatra's dissolved pearl.
The balloon proposed for polar ex-
hlorations is nintynioB feet in diameter
an.i nno ono cnbio feot in volnme. The
iournev is to be begun in Spiizborgon,
and with a favorable vind is expected
to last four or five day.
"This bell," said a well-meaning
English sexton, when showing the bel
fry of an interesting village church to a
party of visitors, "is only rung in case
of a visit from the lord bishop of the
diocoss, a fire, a flood, or any other such
JLIie telephone has played an import
ant part in the maneuvers of the Swed
ish fleet There i3a telephonic post on
each vessel, and when lying at anchor
they can telephone to ono another by
means of insulated conductors which
are run down the anchor chains and
an old nroscector bought a pieca ot
ground near Nevada City the other day '
for $300. He weut for gold and soon
struck a deposit that will pay him p
Inspector Byt.ses says that the
only way to keep a city clear of bad
men, to ami them on sight and
make the place too hot for them. Out
of COO arrest i "on suspicion" there may
bo one mistake one honest man, but
he owes it to the public to identify
himsolf as such. The howl about
"personal liberty" always comes from
FnF.D Babseh, of Besding, suddenly
experienced a loss of weight from 156
to eighty-six pounds, and a few days
arro found the cause of it to be five
lizards that had been living in his
"I am going to write a story
grain market as a subject"
"Ah! I suppose you will publish it in
cereal form." Washlngtoa Post.
Amy Mr. Dolley seems to be in a grave
Mabel Tes; he's buried in thought
Anxious Patron Doctor, don't you think
fou'd better call in some other physician
for consultation ?
Family Doctor (cheerfully) Oh, no,
pot yet There is still some hope. New
It seems tome 1 never can get any credit
tor what I do. Sad Poet.
I should think you would prefer cash
New York Swh
Kaw He traveled a hundred miles in
Hooks It must have took his breath
Kaw Well, he was pretty well blown
Deafness Cant Be Cured
by local applications, as they can not reach
tho diseased portion of tho ear. There is
only ono way to cure Deafness, and that Is
by constitutional remedies. Deafness is
caused by an inflamed condition of the mu
cous lining of the Eustachian Tube. When
this tube gets inflamed you have a rumbling
sound or Imperfect hearing, and when it i
entirely closed Deafness is the result, and
unless the inflammation can bo taken out
and this tubo restored to Us normal condi
tion, hearing will be destroyed forever;
nino cases out ot ten are caused by catarrh,
which is nothing but an inflamed condition
of tho mucous surfaces.
no will KlveunoxiunurcuuuLiurs luruujr
tase of Deafness (caused by Catarrhl that
we cannot cure by taking Hall's Catarrh
Jure. Send for circulars, free.
F. J. Cbenet ee Co., Toledo, O.
Bold by Druggists, 75c.
Patrick I want the strongest spectacles
yez be afther havin' in the store. They're
for me owld mither in Ireland.
Optician Are you not afraid that the
strongest glasses may Injure her eyes?
Patrick Sure, I am not It's bloind in
tirely she is. Jeweler's Weekly.
Foul poisons that accumulate in the
blood and rot the machinery of the sys
tem, are eradicated and expelled by using
Prickly Ash Bitters, a medicine that will
nnt irritate the stomach or bowels. It acts
ina gentietnanner on these delicate organs
ana restores neaun in every case.
Little Koser What makes you walk
lame, Uncle John?
Uncle John There was an accident on
the bridge to-day, and I got caught In the
Little Koger I got caught In the jam
once; and walked lame for a week. Puck.
No Opium inPiso'sCuroforConsumpUon.
Cures where other remedies faU. 26c.
Father Don't you ever let me see you
sitting in a hammock witit ayouimaii
Dutiful Daughter All right; pa. Ml
hac it removed to a place that Isn't over
looked by your study windov- Mnnsey
Ted I onco wrote a poem.
Ned That's nothing. Every f ellovs aa
Ted But 1 sold mine.
He To succeed In eoclety requires a lit"
tie tact and ability, after all.
She Oh, I don't know you always,
seem to get along pretty well Munsey's"
'Why are you so Jealous, Ethel?"
"Because you said all the world loves a
lover and I wan: you all tomyseUV Saw-
Primus What Is it that happened at;
Dodson's birthday dinner yesterday that-
made all his friends so huffy'.'
Secundus One of the guests from Bos
ton in responding to a toast closed witn
the hope that Dodson might outlive his
poems. Dodson understood him as indulg
ing in hyperbole as wishing nun an im
possible longevity, but all of Dodson'
friends were indignant, and insist that ho
has been badly treated. Munsom's Week
J("S I -I -a n 1 ri r
Her Notions of Grammar.
Mis? de Hub And these dear little
squirrels that sported under the hedge last
summer, where are they row ?
Miss Rustic Oh, they're holed up for
Miss de Hub Ugh! My dear, your no
tions of grammar make me shiver; I pre
sume j ou mean held up. West Shore.
A Poverty-stricken Millionaire:
This seems a paradox, but it is ex
plained by one of New York's richest
men. "1 don't count my wealth ia
dollars," he said. "'What aro all my
possessions to mc since I am a victim
of consumption ? My doctor tells mo
that I have but a few months to lu'ev
for the disease is incurable. I am poor
er than that beggar yonder. "But,"
interupted the friend to whom he spokev
"consumption can be cured. If taken
in time, Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery will eradicate every Yesthro
of the disease from your system." "PIE
try it," said the millionaire, and he dio.
and to-day there is not a healthier
fianntop mfin tn ho found ativwhcrev.
The "Discovery" strikes at the seat ot
tho complaint Consumption is a dis
ease of the blood is nothing more nor
lcs than lung-scrofula and it must
and does yield to this wonderful remedy.
"Uoiuen jieuicai uiscovery - ""
only an acknowledged remedy for that
terribly fatal malady, when taken In
time and given a fair trial, but also for
all forms of Scrofulous, Skin and Scalp.
Diseases, as White Swellings, Fever
sores Hip-joint Disease, Salt-rheumy
Tcttr, Eczema, Bolls. Carbuncles, Ery
sipc -3 and kindred ailments.
Not for the People.
A Mississippi postmaster
world konsists in konfessingour sins to
oniselfs and to each other. .nA . on - fishine trip
I don't suppose thare haz ever lived . .. d ana fcea the publio
a man without a single virtew. Even
Judas Iskariot "went and hanged him
The vanity ov most men iz so mutch
more than a match for their experience
that they seldum learn ennything bi
The pashuns are like the wick or
lighted kandle they don't die out un
til they are burnt out.
Thare iz lots of folks who are in sich
a grate hurry tew git religion that they
confess sins they, ain't guilty or, and
overlook those that they art. Sew
onmnlained he replied: Durn your
jailer ears, but do you reckon this 'ere
thing is run for your converdeBoe!
Whar'dol come in? What in blank
is the use of letters, anyway?" Detroit
Bbiso up a child in the way he
should go, and when he is old just hear
him take all the credit to himself for
No iiatteb how great a burden it it
to him, the doctor can usually eastaM
life if be has patisnee.
THE GENERAL MARKETS
KANSAS CITT. Nov.
CATTLE Shipping steers ... S 31 it t M
Butchers' steers... 5 0) u s 21
Native cows 2v) 2 JS
HOGS Good to choice ilea v; '51 a 4 10
WHEAT No. 2 red K VI
No. i hard M "'i
COON Na 2 M 9 i
OATS No. 2 4 llH
RYE No. 2 3 6'
VLOUtt Patents, per sack... 2 It a !M
Fancy 2 1) o J
HAT Baled ' ' 8 51
BUTTEU Choice creamery.. 13 a 1
CUEEsE Full cream 9 '
KGGS Choice. 10.!
BACON llama. 10 3 11
shoulder. 8 c''
tides ' '"
LAUD Rd tr
tOTArOE& 6 ;3
CATTLE Shipping steers.... 4 W
Butchers' steers... 1 01
HOGS racking-. '
8BEEF Fair to choico 4 01
nIITU Choice. 'Si
WHEAT Na 2 red.
QOBNNo. 2... ...............
OATS Na 2
BYE Na 2
CATTLE Shipping steers
HOGS Pack Ins; and shipping
8HEKr Fair to choice
rLOUU Winter wheat....
WHEAT XaJ red
OOKN Na 2.. ............ .....
OATS No. 2.... ...... ......-
BYE Na 2.. ....
RATTLE Common to prims- S Si
a - 11
19 3S a
4 0) a
"ssssK afrS. ssssB
But do net use Ms dinosreBStlktllne
End mercurial preparations which destroy
i0ur nervous system and ruin tat dlgtstiro
poA-ercllheslomich. Th vegetable king-do.-n
Gives us the best and safest remedial
agents. Dr. Sherman devoted tha greater
part of his life to the discovery of this relia
ble and safe remedy, and all its Ingredients
aro vegetable. He gave it the name ef
Prickly Ash Bitters!
a name -wary one can remember, and to the
presenttiay nothing has been discovered that
U M beneficial (or the ILOOI. (or
LIVEH, th KIBNEYS
STOMACH. This remedy is now so well
and favorably known by all who have used
it that arguments as to its merits are use
less, and if others who raejahw 1 correct
ive to the system would but gfva it a trial
the health of this cauetry would be) vastly
improved. Remember th name PtMCkXY
ASH BITTERS. Ask yew druggist f
PRICKLY ASH IITTEM Cfc
ST. LOUIS, MO.
TOLEDO WEEKLY BLADE.
SendforaFreefp'clraen Copr and ri"ifu.ru5
other premium oaers. Write for " W"S?! n"'
terms to aunts and lesrn bow to innio :IWW j oaj
Bend your address anyhow. We want to """
body a specimen nf the ne-t !r rp;r
uihedT " THE BLAlir. Tuleae. Okiev
Makes CHILD BIRTHS!
IP USBO FORE CONFINEMENT.
Book to -Moxnlns-' MAILXD FBIS
BRADrlELO REOrLATOK COATXAST2,VS.
Solo bt all druggists.
D?sia is lie to
auitl rather are etv
t)ed to SX2 mo. Tee wlt-m you eTTourmor.ey.
W-SAXS ZS3S VATUt aamajesj Prthi
Wichita newspaper Union. 1
r the preseat generation. Ittaroriu
car aad ita aitaadanta. Nlcat BaaV
acaa, CaaaUaaUoa aad Filea, tkaS
hava aaeosna so faasoaa. Tay art
aeedlls- aad areatlr oa the dilutive
arcaaa. arlvlaa aeai toae aad vlaar ta
Office, 44 Murray St 3Te w Yoric
ATk,Wle3lta.uisa. Send for clrcolar aa
HOGS ood to choice 4 39 a
IXDCRO00J to choice 49
WHEAT Kai red. IOM43
OOBK No. 2. ST4
OATS Western mixed........ 47
aTOtMff?;"""""' W S
Both the method and results when
Bjrup of Figs is taken ; it k pleasant
and refreshing to the taste, and acta
Lrrer and Jjowek, cltmnsea the tyw
tam effectually, dispels colds, head
aches and fevers and cure habitual
constipation. Syrup of Figs is the
only remedy of its kind ever pro
duced, pleasing to the taste and ac
ceptable to the stomach, prompt ia
its action and truly beneficial in its
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances,
its many excellent qualities com
mend it to all sad save made it
the most popular remedy known.
Syrup of Figs i for sale ia 50c
aad II bottles br all kddlag drug
gists. Any reliable drugs wae
may mot have it en hand will pro
ear ft promptiyJuraaytmewho
'wishes to try it Do not accept
cAunMU m mm at
mmm faMmmta. MM.
V.. A9m mftA hVM MTin a SAVI
s-hnriL wa tliouBS that We would try Pise's Cure for Con-
nmnttnn. ani found It a DOrfcct success. The first cot
broke up the Cough, and four bottles completely
them. H. Snoross, 1147 Superior 8t, Chicago, IUinols.
Stnvnge fndeed that
&aT'BK P sPsKssVmvfffaW
vSTiasa " aWia SaW Jf-ws) - aw
Vnu -sArwfhind so bridhKbut
taaaaa9JS'.MwSaav: w 9 S, ' - II
'A needle cldffres omers.ajaa .5 .?
arof seiaaorsl xawfwa
sfmalT mar vuam erery --..-
4JsaTjQrAad ajnais tr
uassilm tsaa axsrswitm a
Thea ooe aoaparvd aPP?
or all sAwSastatn d u- .seroma-- -t
Tf vast tsWl 9SM saw m:
Ua Bimajsma asasasstrwy '
Hft-ftaSlirf?- r :f
" -v . JT r- T