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TELL THEM TO OBEY THE- LAWS AND UPHOLD THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES." Last Worm op Stemex a. Docglas.
XJRI3A.sr,.OHI05 WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 1862.
URBAN A UNION.
a-. W. HOUX, IH O
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Never before Published.
BY JOSEPH ROMAN DRAKE.
Tea, weep for the brave who in battle have died,
. Their fall was triumphantly bright I .
With eur sorrows shall mingle a feeling of pride,
Like the moon through the tears of the night.
They are gone, but the feme of their glorious
" Shall live in our memory yet, - (deeds
- -At the tear-bedewed beaming of moonlight suc-
, To the blaze of the sun that has set I ceeds
GENERAL POPE'S CAMPAIGN.
GENERAL POPE'S CAMPAIGN. A RICH BURLESQUE.
, ARBirnro near, the celebrated Molasses
' "Junction, where a number of Mackerels -were
placing a number of new cars said kwomo
; tives on the track the object being to delude
th Southern Confederacy into taking a ride
in tliem, when, it was believed, the aforesaid
i Confederacy would speedily be destroyed by
one of tbxwe " frightful accidents" without
- hich day on any American railroad would
be a perfect anomaly arriving there, I say,
X took an immediate survey of the appointed
; field of strife.
. T the inexperienced civilian eye, my boy,
rerything appeared to be in a state ot cha
, Kfe ood fusion, which nothing but the military
' genius of '-eur generals ceuld make much
- .worfe. On all sides, my boy, I beheld Xlack
;. ere I chaps marching and countermarching;
falling back, retiring, retreating, and making
... retrograde movements. Some were looking
; for their regiments, which had become mixed
with otlier regiments; some were insanely
looking for their officer, as though they did
not know that the latter. have resided perma
nently in Washington ever since the war
commenced ; some were making calls on olh
era and here and there might be seen squads
of Confederacies picking up any little things
they might happen to find. .
Finding the general of the Macheral Bri
gade lunching upon a bottle and tumbler near
n, I saluted him, and says I :
Tell toe, my veteran, how it is that yon
permit the Southern Confederacy to meander
thus within your lines?"
The general looked toleratingly at me, and
gays he :
" I have a plan to enlrap the Confederacy,
and end this doomed rebellion at one stroke.
Do you mark that long train of army wagons
de wd there near my quarters ?"
- : " Tes," says I, nervously.
' 'Well, then, my nice little boy," says the
" general," cautiously. " I'll tell you what my
. plan is. Those wagons contain the rations
of onr troops. It is my purpose to induce
' the celebrated Confederacy to capture those
wagons and attempt to eat those rations. If
the Confederacy will only do that," says the
general, fiercely, " it will be taken sick on the
' spot, and we shall capture it alive.1
: I could not but feel shocked at this inhu
man artifice, tny boy. The Southerners have
indeed acted in a way to forfeit all ordinary
mercy, but still, we should abstain from any
retaliatory act savoring of demoniac maligni
ty. Our foes are at least human beings.
Suppressing my horror, however, I assum
ed a practical aspect, and says I :
" "But how are the Mackerel warriors to
subsist, my Napoleon, if you allow the rations
to go?" .
u Thunder I" says the General, handing me
a paper from his pocket. " They are to sub
. sist exclusively oa the enemy. Just peruse
this document, which I have just fulmina
ted." Taking the paper, I found it to be the following
IWebxas, The matter of provisions is
greet expense to the United States of Amer
ica, besides offering inducements for unex
pected raid aa the part of the famishing toe
Kan ; the Mackerel Brigade is hereby direct
ed to liv entirely npon the Southern Con
federacy, eating him alive wherever found,
nd partaking of no other food. '"'"'
. . The Brigade will aot be permitted to take
toy clothing with k oa the march, being re
quired henceforth to- dress exclusively the
Labiliment of captured Confederate.
'" AV have done with retrograde moveraents.
No more lines of retreat will be kept open
and henceforth the Mackerel Brigade is to
krnake nothing but great captures.
By order of the
Getibal or rat Mack tun Bwgade.
Green Seal ' ' '.
Thi3 able decumcut, my boy, pleased rue
greatly as an evidence that the war had in
deed commenced in earnest;' and though at
that moment, I beheld some half a' dbzen
Confederacies ransacking the tent where the
General kept his mortgages, his batik accounts,
and other Government property, I left that
our foes were to be summarily dealt with at
An orderly having finally given notice to
the Confederacies rummaging within our lines
to get to their proper places, in order that
the battle might begin the .Anatomical Cav
alry, under Captain Samyul Sa-mith, made a
headlong charge upon a body of foes who
were destroying a bridge near the middle of
field, and succeeded id obliging them to " re
main there. ...Tina brilliant jnovemcnt .was
the signal for a general engagement, and a
regiment of Confederacies at ence advanced
within our lines and inquired the way to
Having given them the desired informa
tion, and allowed a number Of other similar
regiments o take a position, between the
Mackerels and the capital, th General gave
orders for the Conic Section and the Orange
County Howitzers to fall cautiously back, in
orderthat the remaining Confederates might
get between us and Richmond. . - -. -
Tou will perceive by this movement, my
boy, we cut the enemy's forces completely in
two, thus compelling him to attack us either
in the front or in the rear, giving him no
choice of any other operation save flank move'
ments. Our plans being thus perfected, Cap
tain Tilliam Brown, with Companj 3, Regi-
nient 5, was ordered to charge into a wood
near at hand, with a view to induce some recently-arrived
reserve Confederacies to take
position in our center while still others would
be likely to flank us on the right and left. -
You may remember, my boy, that it has
heretofore been our misfortune to fight on the
circumference of a circle, while the Confed
eracy had the inside and this great strategic
scheme was intended to produce a result
nee versa.-. . ; - . ' ' 2
It was a great success, my boy a great
success; and our troops presently found them
selves inside the most complete circle on rec
ord. .Villiatn Brown not only charged into
the wood, but staid there ; and when one of
the Orange County Howitzers was discharg
ed with great precision at a reporter who
was .caught sneaking' into our lines, the "re
port was heard by the Yenerable Gammon
at Washington, causing that reverend man
to telegraph to all the papers, that no one
need feel alarmed, as he was perfectly safe,
and that our victory was very complete.
What particular danger the Venerable Gam
moo had incurred,-1 can't say, my boy ; nor
what he knew about the battle ; but his dis
patch caused renewed confidence all over the
country, and was a great comfort to his
Having gt the Confederacies just where
he wanted them, the General of the Macker
el Brigade now dispatched ten veterans un
der Sergeant O'Pake to attack a few hundred
foes who had intrenched themselves in an
unseemly manner among our wagons. The
Mackerels were well received as prisoners of
war and paroled ontlwspot; a proceeding
which so greatly pleased the idolized Gener
al, that he at once issued this second
It must be undrstood, that in his recent
proclamation directing the Mackerel Brigade
to dine exclusively upon Southern Confeder
acies, the General commanding did not in
tend that such dining should take place with
out the free consent of the aforesaid Confed
eracies. It must not be understood that the order j
eoncerninr the confiscation of Confederate i
garments in intended to authorize a lorcible j
confiscation of such costume, in, opposition .to j
the free -will ot the wearer. -"-
By "no lines of retreat being kept open,"
is meant : no lines of which the general coin
mauaing was at the time cognizant.
THE GENERAL OF THE MACKEREL BRIGADE.
This admiral order, my boy, produced great
enthusiasm in the ranks, as no Confederacies
had yet been canght,- and there was some
danger of starvation in the corps.
And now, my boy, occurred that magnifi
cent piece of generalship which is destined
to live forever on the annals of fame, and
convince the world that our military leaders
possess a genius eminently fitting every one
of then for the next Presidedcy, or any other
peaceful office. By skillful mancuvring, the
gifted general of the Mackerel Brigade had
succeeded in cutting the enemy's force to
pieces, the pieces being mixed up with our
own army. Then came the words " Forward,
double-quick l" ....
Facing toward "Washington, our vanguard
forced the Confederacies before them to move
right ahead. Swiftly following the vanguard,
and evidently fancying that it was flying be
fore them, came a regiment of Confederacies,
Puisuing the latter, as though in triumph,
appeared the Conic Section, Mackerel Bri
gade; closely succeeded in its turn by a regi
ment of Confederacies in charge of our bag
gage wagons ; racing after whom was a regi
ment of Mackerels; and so on to the end
of the fine.
Tou may ask me, ray boy, wkh which side
rested the Tictory in this remarkable move
ment? , -
That question, ssy boy, can not be decided
yet, as the whole procession had scarcely
reached Washington ; but the answer may be
said to depend very much upon whether the
last regimen eoirrfrrg m is Mackerel or Con
federate. The contest, my boy, has assumed a pro
found metaphysical a'cct, and the develop
ment of little more military genius on our
side will tend to utterly confound our ene
mies and every body else.
ORPHEUS C. KERR.
-Vl Y. Sunday Mercury.
All Sorts of Good Reading.
All Sorts of Good Reading. Martin Van Buren---Interesting Reminiscences
All Sorts of Good Reading. Martin Van Buren---Interesting Reminiscences---Mr. Van Buren's Unpublished Memoirs.
Mr. William Allex Bitler. of New Tork,
contributes "to the Independent some interest
ing reminiscences of Martin Van Buren. We
copy a lew passages :
JACKSON AND VAN BUREN.
Just here, General Jackson's first impres
sions of Mr. Van Buren are in place. They
meet in 1823, at Washington as Senators of
the United States. The Tennessee Senator
soon formed his opinion about the Hew Tork
Senator. " I will give his own narrative as I
listened to it under the porch of tho Hermit
age in 1814. " I had heard a great deal about
Mr. Van Buren," said tho General " especiaK
ly about his non-cornvdUdlism. I made up
my mind that I would take an early opportu
nity to hear him and Judge for myselC One
day an important subject was under debate in
the Senate. -1 noticed that Mr. Van Buren
was taking notes whille one of the Senators
was speaking. ' I judged from this that he in
tended to reply, and I determined to be in my
seat when he spoke. His turn came, and he
rose and made a clear, straightforward argu
ment, which to my mind, disposed of the
whole subject I turned to my colleague,
Major Eaton, who sat next me: 'Major,'
said I, ' is there any thing non-committal
about that ?' ' No, sir,' said he. This decis
ion of Jackson's head was never reversed by
his heart" -
MR. VAN BUREN'S PERSONAL TRAITS.
After all, it is not the lawyer nor the states
man, but .the man, of whom we must take the
final account " Mr. Van Buren, in his person
al traits, was marked by a rare individuality.
He was ti gentleman, and he cultivated the
society of gentlemen, ne never had any as
sociates who were vulgar or vicious. He af
fected tho companionship of men of letters,
tlieagh I think his conclusion was that they
are apt to make poor politicians and cot the
best of friends. Where he acquired that pe
culiar neatneM and polish of manners which
he wore so lightly, and which served every
turn ol domestic, social and public intercourse,
I do not know. . As fur as my early recollec
tions, go it was not indigenous in the social
circles of Kinderkook. I do not thing it was
essentiidly Dutch. It could hardly be called
natural, although it seemed so natural ir. him.
It was not put on, for it never was put off.
As you saw him onco you saw him always
always punctilious, always polite, always
cheerful, always self-possessed. It seemed to
any one who studied this phase of his charac
ter as if, ir. some early moment of destiny,
his whole nature had been bathed in a cool,
clear and unruffled depth from which it drew
this life-long serenity and self-control. It was
another of the charges against him that he was
no democrat He dressed too well, he lived
too well, the company he kept was too good,
his tastes were too refined, his tone was too
elegant. So far as democracy is supposed to
have an elective affinity for dirt, this was all
true, he was no democrat, in taste or feeling,
and he never pretended to be. The only
President who ever betrfeyed the American
people is the only one of whom I remember
to have seen it chronicled in the newspapers,
as a proof of his democracy, that he made a
parade of getting out of a stage-coach in the
course of a hot journey and washing his face
in a tin basin and drying it on a tavern towel.
The people thought no better of him for that
bit of deception, which deceived nobody.
Mr. Van Buren never played such tricks as
these. As to the elements of the widest pop
ularity, they were not in him. He never in
spired enthusiasm, as Jackson did, or Henry
Clay. The masses accepted him as a leader,
but they never worshipped him as a hero.
He is not cannon;zed in their affections. The
day of his birth Vt ill not be commemorated in
distant cities or in remote periods of time.
His name will never bo a watchword. Vet
he had many devoted friends, among men who
never wanted office, and who drew closer to
him in his retirement than when he was in
power, This much I can testify, that ou the
part of one nian, than whom no pnrer'or no-
bier ever lived, he was the object of an affec
tion so true and steadfast, so faithful through
good report and evil report, so loyal to its own
high sense of duty, so tender and so generous,
that it could never cease to command my ad
miration, if k had not long ago claimed my
filial reverence. Seen througli a medium so
pare and tranquil, tlie traits of the character I
have attempted to draw are all tinged with
its mellow light and glow with its genial
warmth, and the faults or failings, which
another and perhaps a juster scrutiny might
disclose, fade out of sight
MR. VAN BUREN'S MEMOIRS.
Mr. Van Buren has left memoirs, partly
finished. If his reminiscences can be given to
the world a he was in the habit of giving
them to his friends, in all the freshness of la
miliar iutercurse, they will be most attractive.
There was a charm .about his conversation
when it turned on the incidents of his person
al experience which eould hardly be trans'
ferred to the printed' page, so much of its in
terest depended on Manner and expression.
Mr. Van Bureirhad no wft, but he had hu
mor, and a keen sense for the humorous, and
he could reproduce, with rare fidelity, what
ever hi the action.- or the character of men
he had thought worth remembering. It is to
be hoped that out of the material ho has left
for such a work, we may have one which
shall represent to us some thing of the real ac
tivities and interior lives of those of whom we
know so little beyond their names and titles,
so that they may seem to us more like living
men and loss like mummies. At this present
moment we could hardly stop to iead such a
book, no matter how vivid and lifelike. But
after the storm and the earthquake are over,
and we have learned to value the republic by
what it has cost us in brave lives, we, or eyes
younger than ours, will turn with new inter
est and delight to whatever in literature or
in art shall be commemorative of those who
have served it best
Ethan Spike in Trouble.
CANADY, Aug. 27th.
I aixt pleasantly sitooated up here quite
contrary wise. The kernucks dont seem to
appreciate' the moral courage that must ac
tooate a feller critter's bussum afore he kims
to the skedaddlin pint. Only yesterday, one
of the beknighted critters told me I was "a
white-livered cuss!" I axed him ef he war
in airnest? He said he war; an I lorguv
him though ef it hadnt bin for makin a fuss
between the two countries, an ef he hadnt
looked as though he could lick me, I'd hev
knocked his greasy fur cap into the middle of
next month an ef his lied had gone with it
I shouldnt hev keered. I natterally feel dis
sapinted, for I caounted on a flatterin reeep-tion-r-but
there aiutnary a flatter attached tc
it. Decidedly cool borderin ou the frosty.
I would go back, but darsent my feble
health wont stand a draft. . I oilers tuk cold
ef I sot in a common draft, and he official one
thny ar gettiu up daoun in the states, though
it may save the giueral constitootion, would
ruinate mine it makes a Shakin Quaker of
me jest to think about it Ef there was any
way to be inwuluerabie to baggernuts, min
now, rifles, comickal shells, and sich like
gear, twould be different Ef they could put
mc into a dry dock for instance and turn
aout iron-c!ad, so's I was sure nothin could
hurt me why, I'd jest as lives go raound
buttin other folks as not I think the Moni
tor line would suit m but ray physical cor
poral systeem is too valooable in every pint
of view to be exposed in a onprotected
state of natur.
Do you suppose they would draft me ef I
went back ? I skersely think twould be con
stiiutoonal. I've gaiued a resident here an
would kim under the statoote pcrwided for
furr'mers. I'm too old, was a eaudydate for
offis under the general government nobody
kin prove that I was born in the United
States I tried to jiiie the Quakers haint
got teeth enough to bile a catridge never
hed the mumps might be tuk with em at
any time the smell of gunpaowder makes
me shk specially when it is mixed with
led such kimickal combinations never agreed
with me. Ef these disibilities dont consti
toot me a alien under the haybeas Korpus
act, wot ar sour free institootions good for?
Ef I've a constitutional object of gunpowder j
taint my fault its a oilfactory pervision of
natur thats what it is. Ef I perfer keepin
my human form devine hull, to hevin it bored
full of holes, so's twould look more like a
cullender than the noblest work of God
don't I show good tnsto. I'm wlllin them as is
diferently sot up by natur should go to war
in fact, I want em to-why cant they be
equally ginerous and let me stay to hflm ?
Here's a sitooation a sitooation of the
distressedest kind for a man who's oilers
bin a respected feller citizen 1 Ive lost my
own country an furrin nations dont want
mo I'm ostrichised, expatiated, and dis
frankincbised I'm the Wandrin Jew of the
nineteenth centry. I cant get a footholt any
wherei. Noah's duv was more fortinit -she
could go back I cant there's no ark for me,
nor nobody to open the window of there was.
I shall probably starve to death jist like the
children in the wood only I dont bleve these
Kernuck robbings will take the trouble to
!fiver me up.
Ef the last words of a dyin unfortinit will
hev any effect on them who is turnin their
e3res in this direction I would say, dont do
it ! Butter run the risk of nineteen drafts j
better stand yer chance of hivin your bor.es J
pi'ed and made into oanyments to adorn she
seceshers, than to find yourself a stranger in
this unaccaountably strange land.
. I've tried every method except work to
get an honest livin here. Thar are 2 or 3 fel
ler skedaddlers here who airn their livin as
furrin correspondents for the Trybune. I
tried the dodge and writ to Horris, but he J
haint been sivil enough to reply.- Then I un
dertuk to come the George Francis Train, bet
the half-breed blue-nose lion wont bear half
as much as the old seed one at hum does
mo fust bust of irrepressible patriotism cost
me a bunged eye an a broken nose. Lastly,
I tried to jine a nigger setlement, tellin them
I was a Oeteroon an would hev gon as low
as a m'erlatter, or even a aborlishiuiist but
twas no go the sutty cusses voted me inau
dible onless I would go into holy matter
mony with a young lady of the African per
suasion aged 58, and weighs 283 lbs. aver
dypois an considerable more appotycarrics
ditto. I declined this tempting offer of the
present solely on eonstitootional grounds
holdiug it in reserve, hopia that Grcely may
yet want them.
Mr. Greeley, ef youvc got any baowels of
compassion, dont let me be sacrified. Krn
vou fold yer arms an muce yer pea-nuts
when a feller critter. i3 lolterin ou the brink
of Mumbo Juniuo? One word from you
will save mc from this woolen destiny. Must
a man be forced ink' '.he mer'ui'.' bLuc-s a'm
his will? Must he, jist for Want of a leetle
encouragement, run the risk of becoming the
venurable ancester of a long line of milk and
merlassis colored defendants? Horris help
me 1 Ethan SriKE.
P. S. The shady she critter, who threatens
onless suthin turns up right avay to bekim
tho pardencr of my joys and sorrers. she
may hev the hull of the latter lies jest left
me. She examined me as a jocky would a
hoss looked at my teeth, punched my ribs,
an, by the soft persuation of a hickory switch
induced me to run, jump, and holler. She
called this courtin of me! Ef this wooin, wot
will be the weddin I Wot a sea of kernubial
mattennony awaits me and yet I shrink as
I draw nearer to that blissful brink. Vanity
Salt Lake an Another Sea Serpent.
Ocr fellow-townsman, Dow Huntsman,
who has been out on the American Desert,
between the Carson and Humboldt Rivers,
looking up cattle, has furnished us with a few
items in regard to a new Salt Lake on the
aforesaid desert that bids fair to eclipse that
one possessed by our Mormon brethren furth
er east. On the American Desert, about six
ty miles from this city, and some four miles
from the Carson River, and about one mile
from the old emigrat.t road crossing that des
ert, there is a small lake of extremely salt wa
ter, said to be almost if not quite a third Salt
er than the water in the famous Salt Lake in
Mormondom. Persons who have visited both
lakes pronounce it so. This hike is in a basin
of the desert, and the surface ol it is probably
200 feet lower than the level of the desert.
There appears to have been natural banks
to it higher than the desert, and the drifting
of the sand has made them still higher. The
lake is some thrae miles in circumference and
has been sounded to the depth of fifteen hun
dred feet without finding bottom. The per
sons who sounded it had only fifteen hundred
feet of line, and were therefore unable to go
further and ascertain its fine depth. There is
no vegetation surrounding the lake, except a
few rushes and willows that grow near sever
al springs adjacent and flowing into it. One
of these is a fine spring of sulphur wa'.er, and
the others are said to be cool and excellent
fresh water. At present there is a road run
ning by the lake, and many of the emigrants
stop there to avail themselves of the pure fresh
water to be obtained from the springs.
If this lake has not some subtsrfranean com
munication with the ocean, there Js a chance
for some scientific gentleman to display his
talents by giving us a satisfactory reason why
it has a tide that ebbs and flows. We are
positively assured that during twenty-four
hours the water in it rises and falls two
feet If what we have heard is cor
rect, some of the enterprising scientific men
of the Pacific coast had better visit that locali
ty and gives us some trustworthy informa
tion in reference to the lake. But the most
remarkable story is yet to be told. They
have a sea serpent thero which is hard to
eclipse. A few days ago some men encai lp
ed on the banks, near one of tlie springs, had
slaughtered a sheep and left it lying on the
During tl e time they W ere there, the mon
ster serpent made his appearance, attracted
doubtless by the dead sheep. ne did not
emerge entirely from the water, but came out
to where it was very shallow, and was then
frightened off at the appearance of the men,
who are supposed to have been as badly
frightened as was the snake. They did not
see his full length, but assert that they saw as
much as sixty feet of him, and believed that
he was, from appearance,- at least one hun
dred and fifty feet in length, and larger round
the body than any medium sized man. The
Indians in that vicinity corroborate the story
of the largent, and assert that he has frequent
ly frightened them away from the lake.
The ducks and geese visit the lake and lay
their eggs in parts of it where they can make
nests in the rushes. The Indians have been
in the habit of building small boats from the
Tules and going in and getting the eggs.
While thus engaged, they say the serpent has
several times made its appearance and driven
them off. Efforts will be made to capture the
old fellow, and, if they prove successful, we
shall then have an opportunity to give a bet
ter account ot him. There is a strong proba
bility of extensive coal fields being discover
ed in the vicinity of the hike. Several small
veins have already been found. Carson (.Ve
vada) Silver Age.
Mr. Lincoln's Idea Strength of the Army.
Tne President keeps cool, which is more
than can be said of the Cabinet in fac, ft is
reported, Secretary Seward has left the city
with hs family and baggsge. But, this is all
light ; for " The Premier" should be the last
man caught by the rebels, since Mason and
Slidell would then have it all their own way
at St. James and the Tuillerics.
Somebody some inquisitive Tankee, like
ly as not asked the President " What num
ber of men have the enemy in the field ?"
"Old Abe'' looked serious, and replied,
" Ttcelce hundred fftousaiid, according to the lest
authority. ." The intcrogator blanched in the
face, and ejaculated, '' My God I" The Presi
dent continued : "Tcs, sir, twelve hundred
thousand no doubt of it. Tou- see, all of our
Generals when they get whipped, say the
enemy outnumbers them from three to five to
one, and I must believe them. We have four
hundred thousand men in the field, and three
times four make twelve. Don't you see it ?"
"Can't see it," said the bore, as he bright
ened up and started for his hat. This is re
tailed in cdiinet circles as " Old Abe's toft."
Mr. Lincoln's Idea Strength of the Army. The ironsides---A Visit to Her and General
FORTRESS MONROE, August 27, 1862.
The event of to-day was the sudden arrival
among us of tlie famous new war-vessel, the
Ironsides. I had the pleasure of going on
board of her, and of being shown all over her
by her commander, the gallant and polite Cap
tain Thomas Turner. The Ironsides is a
strange and incoiupiehensible looking craft;
but after going about her, examining her pe
culiarities, and marking everywhere the ad
mirablo adaptation of certain measures to cer
tain ends, the conviction is forced upon every
one that her capacity has not been overrated,
and that she will prove one of the most for
midable engines of war that ever floated upon
As we approached the huge, leaden color
ed craft, with its terrible proboscis, threaten
ing destruction to anything with which it
might come in contact, it was not easy at first
to realize her magnitude. It was only when
we fairly stood upon her splendid deck that
we could appreciate her proportions. Slie is
2-10 feet in length, 56 feet width of beam, and
stands some 17 feet out of the water, with
her sides sloaping inward, something after the
fashion of the Menimac. When fully armed
and equipped she draws 15 feet of water, and
made easily seven knots an hour, though not
put to her full speed. It was a pity that her
masts had been removed previous to her ma
king her trial trip, for it would have been in
teresting to know how the vessel would act
under all circumstances. The removal of hor
masts was probably owing to tlie idea among
the authorities that she might ere this have
been called into action.
The armament of tlie Ironsides is terrific.
Beside sixteen 11 inch guns eight ominous
port-holes for them peeping on each side
she carries two enormous 200 pounders, that
must erusb to pieces any thing made, with
human hands, besides other guns.
The mode of bringing the guns to bear on
the enemy, of opening and shutting the port
holes in time of action, and the entire system
of protecting the men, are most admirable.
The engines arc a splendid piece of workmaii-slu'p.
"Brig. Gen." Jim Lane on Artillery.
There is a good story long afloat among the
friends of the " Grim Chieftain." which, ve
believe has never appeared irt print ; but it
authenticity is unquestionable. Just at the
time when the Grim Chieftain was preparing
for "The Great Southern Expedition" which
was never expedited, there was much talk in
the papers about the " twelve inch mortars"
of the Mississippi mortar fleet As James
" was to have" carte blanche of stores for the
expedition, it struck him that twelve-inch
mortars would be just the thing for prairie
service, and it was at once telegraphed all over
the United States that "Lane had ordered for
his expedition six twelve-inch mortars." An
officer of ordnance in Washington, astounded
at the announcement, asked James how he
proposed transporting these pieces over the
"O, very easily," said the grim chieftain
" i little carriage and a pair of mules will carry
" Why, what do you suppose a twelve-inch
mortar is ?"
"Twelve-inch mortar? Why, a mortar
twelve inches long, of coarse."
" How much do you calculate one of Yin
will weigh ?"
James began to suspect he had underrated
the magnitude of the piece, and thought bed
put it high enough, at all risks."
" About a hrmdred pounds."
" Tlie weight of the piece is about 2.500
pounds, but when you Come to add the carri
age,, etc., they weigh four thousand apiece.
Six of 'em will be 24.000.''
The Grim Chieftan concluded not to log
tlie " twelve-inch mortars" that time.
The Leavenworth Conservative proposes to
supercede Gem McClellan by Brigadier Gon.
Great is Kansas, and Lane is its prophet
St. Louis TJepMican.
"Brig. Gen." Jim Lane on Artillery. Foreign Miscellany---A Man in the Clutches
of a Lion.
On the loth ultimo, as the company of MY.
Bell's Hippodrame Circus was parading in
procession the streets of this town, an acci
dent occurred similar in nature to that which
happened in Kingston to tlie man Kelly. The
procession spokeu of was coming down Bo
herbee, the rear being brought up by a cage
which contained five specimens of the forest
kings, and which was drawn by two huge ele
phants. A man named Cournane having
ventured too near the animals, oue of them
thrust his immense paw through the bars of
the cage, caught hold of him by the end of
his coat-sleeve and endeavored to drag him
close to the cage. Iu this having succeeded,
the lion made an effort to catch the man by
collar of his coat, and the latter, to save him
self, ducked his head right under the flooring
of the cage. Tlie lion then caught hold of
him with his paw by the upper of his shoul
der, and held him for a faw seconds. The
keeper (Mr. Batty,) who had been riding be
hind the cage,- and who is renowned for the
bravery which he rescued Kelly, in Kingston,
lrora a like but more serious" predicament,
inimvdiate'y dismounted, and struck the lion
several heavy blows on the paw, which still
kept its hold of Cou'riiane. Mr. Batty, how
ever, continued to ply his loaded whip vigor
ovsly on the paw of the" Hon, which in' s few
minute had to let go his hold, and Cournane
I escaped wiih a. deep cut on the back of Ins
j hand and a far severer one -': his ahoulleu.
In a certain well-known city a genius wa3
hauled up for kissing a girl and kicking up a,
dust. ; and the following dialogue ensued :
" la your name Joha Jay V
'Yes your honor, so the people say-".
" Was it you that kissed the girl and rais
ed the alarm? Tou rascal! did you couiu
here to make rhymes?
" No your honor; but it will happen some
tiinfs," "Be off yoir scamp f get out of my sight!"
" Thauk'ee, yoar honor; then I'll bid you-
rood-night- - - - -----
A Physical TKArr or Haytiens. A travel'
" The blacks of Hayti have- a singularly
delicate sense of smelling. They often un
consciously display this physical peculiarity in
the mast ludicrous and unusual aiodes, Wheiv
they are buying anything, for example, etenr
things devoid of ordor such as a key, a tum
bler, or a plate; they frequently hi voluntari
ly put it to their nose, as if to lest its fresh
ness, as our housewives would test the fresh
ness of fish or meat . Take a gold ring witli
an alloy of copper in it, and they will uwtaot
ly detect the presence of the baser metal by
tlie sense of smelling. So, at least, I was
told by curious and accurate observers.-''
Darkies in this latitude on the contrary
"have a singularly" iride!kate " way of smell
ing," in hot weather. SashrSle Union,
As Afflicted Mother. A few days agtf
an old gentleman of sixty, and a maideu of
sixteen put tip at one of the hotels in tliis city,
the register discovering, much to the surprisa
of the proprietors, that the couple were man
and wife, probably iu the first stages of thr
A few hours after, the bride wa found in
the parlor, moaning and sobbing bitierlyirr
her endeavors to give vent to what appeared
to be some heart-crushing sorrow. ....
" Why, my little dear, said tlie- hostessy
her khid heart overflowing with sympathy,
" what is the matter.''
" O, dear, dear, dear I" said tlie- youthful
bride between her convulsive gasps and sobsr
" all my sons, five ift number, ar in the ar
my." .. .
The lady, it appears, had marrfal her hus
band the dsy before, who had five- grown up
sons, all ol whom" had enlisted, and the- ap
palling fact h-ad just burst npon tie; sfflcted
mother of sixteen, that she had five- chiTdSrcr
exposed to the cruel ricisitudes of war. Jack'
General McClellan's Reception at Frederick.
nine o'clock this morning General
McClellan, at the head of his staff, rode nito
town, and tlie reception he met with threw
all others in tlie shade. He had not gone a
sirjgle squaie, boquets Were fakly showered
upon him, and when he reached the corner of
Patrick and Market streets, the enthusiasm
knew no bounds. The people formed them
selves in the streets, awl would not let hitn
pass without having a good shake of the hanif
or liearing a pleasant word from iu'ra. Gray
haired men of seventy pat on a double sharer
of elasticity, and were the most eager in- their
determination to see him. while the young
men, who were prevented by the crowd from
taking tire General by the hand, naado t!i air
ring wkh their dicers.
And the lrtdies were not behind themon-in
their marks of approbation. Tlicy fairly
" swarmed" around him, lavishing their prais
es on him, kissing his hand, bidding him God
speed, and presenting him with bouquets, and
tying little flags on his horse. Tlie GeneFul
would every now and then respond, thanking
thein tor their reception, feeling glad that they
felt more comfortable, andexpressing the hop?,
before long, of there not being oue rebel iu
arms north of the Potomac, . ;
After Staying upwards of twenty minutes,
the General rode out to the headquarters of
General Burnside, and, after consulting with
each other for some time, they marched to
the front, whete cannonading is now going
on. Cor. Philadelphia Press. " "
A Story about Gen. Butler.
A story is told concerning Gen. Butler'
which is not calculated to prove his confi
dence in the safety of the secession element
by which he is surrounded.
Some time ago Gen. Eiitfer, finding that
it was almost impossible for him- to devote to
his wife the care to Which she is entitled, re
solved to part with hor and to send her home
ward. The day of departure arrived, and he
went with his wife' and his children to the
boat en which they were to embark. Unfor
tunately tbe water was high and the boat dif
ficult of access. The plank thrown upon th
water between the deck and the shore form
ed an acute angle, and Blondin- Wraself would
have found it difficult to maintain his equift
brium upon it But Gen. Butler, confident that
his center of gravity was sufficiently ponder
ous to secure him against all accidents, ven
tured bravely upon the sfecpy road. Hardly
had he waTkcd two steps, however, when his
feet glided along and down he went,- measur
ing the plank with all his length, and produc
ing at the same time a noise somewhat similar
to that of an old kettle. His servants ran to
his assistance, and he was soon np again, -
"When it had been ascertained that tlie Gen
eral was unhurt, inquiries were' made con
cerning the sound of metal heard at the time
of his fall. It was not long fcefore the mys
tery was solved. The clothe? of the General
having been torn in his perilous descent, peo
ple saw, protruding underneath hi3 eoat, s
large-breastplate, re.tcljiiig fromhis neck down
to his thiirhs. This was tho object Which had
produced the noise. It was ascertained after
wards that the tier.eral wears this kind of
armor since his arrival in New Orleans, and
that lie never g -es out without it.- -.?-: Jw-'i