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.: I I I ',, J'-4jW''«»Mi{s«BiMB»l(Ha)SBJ*a|l»MaM $M. ^loml Journal Published E Thursday, AT 8T. CLOUD, MINNE80TA. Oaice-Corner of Washington Arena* and St. Gorraaln Street. EPITOR AND FROrjafilOB. SUBSCRIPTION TWO DOLLARS, PAYABLE I ADVUCtV An Extra Copy will be scut URATM to taa op of a club of Five Subwriben. RATES OV ADVERTISINGt Square. 1 2 3 4 *col. 2W 3W 2m 3m 1 00 1 75 SGO S2G 4 78 00 7 80 UOO O 6m 50 2 78 S28 4 78 700, 1128 16 80 1 Taxes paid tor non-residents. MM 200 350 480 628 0 25 1100 14 00 20 00 426 600 825 600 860 10 00 14 00 UOO 22 80 30 00 37 80 48 W 76 00 WHEELOCK & COLLINS, »tt asm 40 §j saw 1100 12 80 16 80 22 80 30 00 80 00 10 00 3 too UOO0 2 6 0 40 00 1. Lsgal and GoTernment advmtisMMata, 7Setata per squaretorthe Ant insertion, and 371 centa par squareftreaeh subsequent insertion. -J. Attorney* ordering la legal advertisements regarded a* accountable for the coat of too aaaae, uuta* there is a special agreement to charge the amine to another party. Payment In all can be made in advance or upon delivery of the Tit. 3. local Koticea, IS cents per line to transient, and 10 cents per line to regular advertisers. A Notice of death [simple announcement] 85 •ants obituary notices, 5 cents per line marriage not Ice* 50 centa. 8. Special place and double column advertisements to be inserted at rates agreed upon. «. Yearly advertisers to pay quarterly. 7. Strangers must pay in advance, or give satkt rsctory references. plain or colored, executed on short style, and at St. Paul prices.— Of all kind! notice, in the Printing done$n German and Norwegian, as well aa in English, and warranted to give satisfaction. L. W. COLLINS, ATTORNEY AT LAW, ST. CLOUD, MINNESOTA. Office on Second Floor of BeWt Block. D. B. SEARLE, ATTORNEY AT LAW, ST. CLOUD, MINN. Office in EdelbrocUs Block. H. L. GORDON, ATTORNEY AT LAW, ST. CLOUD, MINN. Office over RutteWs Bore St. Germain Street. Special attention given to Criminal Law •nd Land Contests. Thorough knowledge of the U. S. Land Laws and Regulation* H. M. ATKINS, A O N E AND COUNSELOR A LAW, ST. CLOUD, MINN. Office in BeWt Block, over RuuelVt Store. EDWIN M. WRIGHT, A O N E A A W FERGUS FALLS, MINN. G. S. MATTOON, I S I E Office opposite Rotenberger'e Block. Conveyancing done. Acknowledgments taken, Ac., &c. Collections made and pro ceeds promptly paid over. S I I A N S AND STTDE&O-IEOISrS, CLEARWATER, MINN. E. K. JAQUES, SURGEON DENTIST. WESTS BLOCK. ST. CLOUD MINNESOTA. A. F. ROBERTSON, Watchmaker and Jeweler, St. Germain Street, St. Cloud, Minn. Particular attention given to Repairing O S At W A E S that have failed to give satisfaction after being repeatedly workedon by incompetent workmen. oct22tf WM. HENDERSON, Dealer in and manufacturer of BOOTS, SH0ES&. RUBBERS. BQr*Custom work done in the best style.*®! Repairing neatly and promptly done. Washington avenue, ST. CLOUD, MINN. T. J. BONHAM Practical Tinsmith and Dealer In Parties nee Guttering. Spouting, or any kind of Job Work will fintf it to their advantage to give me a call, as I make this work a specialty. ST. CLOUD, MINN. O. O. HINES, "PAINTER." Shop on Washington ave. ST. CLOUD, MINNESOTA. O A E A I JR. O S O N Sc O (late of Sraoiia a AxDsaaoa,) A.ma E IVe-w S 36 Wait Third Street. ST. PAIA. Cheap Carpet Hall of The State, Large Stock Constantly on Hand. J. MATHIAS. NOB. 246 & 248, 3d St, St Paul, Minn. St. Cloud Quadrille Band. The undersigned will furnish first-class music for balls. Special attention given to supplying private parties, with from two to five pieces, as may be desired. Charges reasonable. GEO. E. FULLER St. Cloud, July 7,1874 ST. CLOUD MARBI^JVORKS. Joseph Hershbach, Dealer in Monuments and Gravestones. Also, Contractorforall kinds of Stone Cutting to Order. St Germain street—two doors east of the Catholic Church. A O S A E The undersigned offers for sale a No. 1 Jack, (formerly owned by W. Louden). Is a large, powerful animal, perfectly sound, six years old, browncolor, and with* out a superior in the State for Stock. Will be soldcheap for cash, or good real estate. Inquire of F. H. DAM. St. Cloud, Feb. 24,1876. sNMTO$K»£lge' I VOL. XVII. BANK OF ST. Does a General Banking, EwoMingfl —AITO— Seal Estate JAS. I N I N A. Bux, President. to J. G. SMITH, Cashier. ROSBNBSRGER BROS., Dealers in A W A E ALSO S ttnl a Tin, Copper and Sheet Iron Ware. of all kinds made to order on short notice. Comer St. Germain street and Richmond avenue, St. Cloud. Minn. JAMES CARLISLE, Manufacturer of Rourid Cornered BEDSTEADS, and WOO $E*F CHAIRS. a a ST. CLOUD, MINNESOTA. Brtiner4 and St' CtonA SrAGEXlHE. Stages leave fit Clood daily, (Mondays excepted^ at&r A. M., arriving at Brainerd 7 T.Hi For pasMng***iataPK4s?pMae mm, afe, maxU^f, O. H. HALL, Propriator. Barnard,Clark & Manufacturers of all kinds of FURNITUREi Special attention given to I N E S O W O E CHURCH LODGE HALL furniture ^nade to.order, on short notice. to the trade aant an application. All goods ISElkk^mSt**- •M* As we manufceture all our goods we Guarantee Satisfaction. J6W*H^hest markai price paid for Dry Lumber. BARNARD, CLARK & COPE. Factory 4th street, East ttda. arer ooma 6 Centre Block. MARBL^WORKS. G. W. HBBRICK, Dealerin AMERICAN AND FOREIGN MARBLE, HEAD STONES AND MANTLES. Nicolet Street, between 3d and 4th. MINNEAPOLIS, MINN. Work Set Up in St. Cloud and Tidnity, Withont Extra Charge. F. A Manufacturer of SASH ANT) DOORS Moldings, Casings, A E S STORE FRONTS, SCROLLWORK,,* PUMP TUBING, 4c. Window & Door Frames, INSIDE A OUT8IPE «I4WI)^ /', CORNICEififrOBB BOOBS, t. PRIMED A GLAZED SASH. Dremd Ftowin§, bet .' r-. A I N K**awing,ikroll Sawiaa a«L Job Work of every description done to order P&\ All Orders by Mail Promptly Filled. A LIBEPAL DISCOUNT TO DEALERS. Office' nue if to tiie britf IF YOU WANT SOMB OF 1BZ: IN S A N O N AT CHEAP RATES, Wff«SB»*5*T' GtaklMrln V. FlHr-JEWEERT gBB agggpggas I E. A. BRi^irir. Deplei4n ,, WATCHES, CLOCKS, JEELRT, SILVER 76 E. Third Sami, Btv pMdf Mfan. f- $£km CLOUD.C.F.& °«'8oefari Dealers in all kinds of Shelf and Heavy HARDWARE, Iron, Nails, Class, BLACKSMITHS' TOOLS, Agricultural Implements.' MOLINE PLOWS, Minneapolis Plows. TIN, COPPER, :4ND IRON WARE. RAYMOND"& OWEN, Manufacturers of SASH, DOORS, BLINDS, lMid45.JBJi»d»r Ar,caiteases, &e T.Z- tag antbSeroil Sawing Don to Order. S A I A I I N Balusters 4 Newell Posts, sawed to order. All kinds of SCROLL SAWING AND Including House Brackets, sawed to any given rake. ORNAMENTAL VERGE BOARDS. of any pattern, Plain and Ornamental Stair Brackets K^ftrifrrr-iitfi'rffrnf and prompt attention given. Good* thipped in safe condition. Ol^CJtAITOiFACTORYLowMtToWN, vl7n35-tf St. Clond, Minn. I A W 6 0 W 8 KMMHOOSE, OJJfOOINATI, OHIO. GmMMmmmatimm Tbe (Wtt«rcUl Eottl of the Oity. I O I O E THE BUSINESS OF Ball BryanftBictinsoi 9 this day assigned toC. F. Davis, and will be conducted by him for the next two years. The Afwignee would say to those parties who wish to deliver S A E O S W^m^pm WNfiE* Ljil^^^iwSHi::*. st W.Powell SHEE1V St. Germain-street, St Cloud,.Minn. RelianceiWorks MILWAUKEE, WIS. Edward P. Alias &-Co^.And MACHn&ISTS, !Mfll Bifilders, ANDi? 1 '. Manufacturer* af Superioi Cope,STEAM W I N E S French Burr MiU stones, CAST IRON WATER AND GAS I PI! Js^*Everytk4ngin our line made and sold.._ .fllnatrajted, cajtalouge of machinery, 1^0 pagee, sentfreetonapplication. LOOS* t^hey wiU W furnished with feed for J4ance^ the payment they will %*,* to jrait jHWpWi »9 manufootured and sold. All new Stock will be paid fair before old debts. C. F. DAVIS, Assignee. St. Cloud, Minn,, Feb. 24th, 1875. O O M, B»rn and Block at a Bar© Bargain. The property ofMr. Branhelly, near the -nd of the St, Cloud Bridge, including house. 18x27, with 12x18, from cellar to «anwt. ex cistern and well barn, lrphtntedwith fruit trees of all kinds is a very desirable place for some one wishing to live near the city and yet be free from corporation taxes. No doubt, the greatest bargain ever offered. Warranted free from all incumbrances. Terms, $450 cash: $450 in one year. Ap ply to J. R. BOYD, St. Cloud. jan28-3m. X)t the Beat Quality Printed to order at the JOTJRS^L OFJFICE. THE TWO ANGELS. God called the nearest angels whodwell with Him above: The tendersst on* was Pity, the dearest one was tore. "Arise," He said, "my angola a wall of woe and. sin Steals through the gates of Heaven, and saddens all within. "My harps take up the mournful strain that from a lost world swells, The smoke of torment clouds the light and blights the asphodels. "Fly downward to that under world, and on its souls of pain S Let Love drop suiilesofsunshine, aud Pity tears like rain!" -.Two faces bowed before the Throne veiled in their golden hair •. Four Whit* Wingft letS^aed^wlftly down the dark abyss of air. .The way was strange, the Sight was long at last the angels casue Where swung the lost awl. nether world, red wrapped in rayless fame. There Pity, shuddering, wept but Lore, with faith too strong for fear, Took heart from God's almightiness and smiled a smile of cheer. And lo! that tear of Pity- quenched the flame whereon it fell, And, with the sunshine of that smile, hope en tered into Hell 1 Two unveiled faces full of joy looked upward to the Throne, Four white wings folded at the feet of Him who sat thereon! deeper than the sound of seas, more soft than falling flake, :. Amidst the hush of wing and song the Voice Eternal spake: "Welcome, my angels 1 ye have brought a holier joy to Heaven Henceforth its sweetest song shall be the song of sin forgiven I" —John O. WhiUier in Atlantic MonWyfor April "PETER SN00¥*Vf ON NAMES. BABEL, "March -1875. DEAR JOURNAL.—In full face of the risk of imputed levity, I have not hesitated to amuse myself in the be-county) tween-timea of professional cares by culling from scatt«s*d: sources a score or two of odd surnames indeed, I have almost a maniaforthese eccen tric appellatives, and am as much pleased with one of extraordinary ab surdity as Agassiz was with a fresh fossil or General Andrews with anew bean, tt has ever been a matter of great satisfaction to me that my own name, though not singular, was rare enough for distinctness and desti tute of all base for punsters' tricks yet my zeal for oddity in this respect has led me to christen my three child ren Hashabiah, Bukkiah and Josh bekashah, the scripturalness of which should vouch for the high moral tone my literary efforts always assume, The origin of many family names is undoubtedly lost to us forever, but for others the origin is sufficiently evident. Certain archives, several centuries old, preserved in one of the atm^^'mmS,^RpJmiBRAGK- *$« citaes of North Germany indicate ET^gS^^W/^E^,^. that up tothatp^nod men wero known chiefly by chjistian names, of John, Peter, etc., but by order of the munic ipal authorities the citizens were registered (for local purposes) and the name of each person's occupation, of IT-''Jfo-St&Wr..-n" place of residence, or ofneed 'his family estates, was appended to his given name to favor accurate dis crimination. Thus Hans, the tailor, probably became Hans Bchneider,' etc. Not a little that is curious may be observed in the names of the emi grants to this country from Europe, and it is notorious that in many cases they change their names for some real or fancied adaptation to their environr ment (that's Huxley)—-a circumstance that often much embarrasses Euro* peans in searches after American: kinsiolk. An amusing instance of this is probably new to most of your readers—exceptionally well read though they be. A German named Feuerstein came to America, and set tling in Ohio, near some of his coun trymen, was told by them that in or der to Americanize himself as thor oughly as possible he had better alter his name, and forthwith assist' ed him to translate it literally into Flint By this name he went several years, until another "flitting" brought him further west and near certain other Germans, who, supposing his name was the German word Flinte, meaning "a musket," ad vised him to translate it into English whereupon he assumed the name of Gun I Whether his enterprising friends have carried him to another stage does not yet appear. What a regiment we could arm and equip with the martial names that have fallen to people by one or other chance We have not only Gun and Cannon, but Shot and Shell, Bullitt and Ball, to supply our troops with modern agents of death, but we have also Sword and Spearv and Shield and Buckler, while two gal lant officers now in the U. S. Army furnish our Drum and Guard. The commoner titles of Flag, Officer, Ma jor, etc., (wont Bangs% also will easily complete our equipment. Looking over some English medical journals lately, I was gratified in my eccentric guest by finding a number of rarities. How felicitous, for in stance, is the advertising card of H.suited J. Stump, maker of artificial limb*!* And Dr. Tbos. Sanctuary, what refuge for the afflicted! If Dr. B. W. Gathergoodis to be suspected of an eye to the main chance, how pre eminently benevolent should be hismight neighbor Scattergood! Indeed, Good is a name by itself, and the distin guished Dr.Mason Good, who flourish ed forty years ago in England as sehol ar and scientist, may be fairly said to have realized his patronymic in mak ing a name for himself. By the way, Bric-a-Brac being all now, the following .reading from ST. CLOUD. MINNESOTA, THURSDAY, APRIL I, 1875. Shakespeare given in the Life of Barhom (prefixed by his son to the jolly Ingoldsby Legends) isn't bad on a Good name: "Who steals my purse steals stuff! 'Twas mine—'tisn't his—nor nobodyelse's! But he who runsaway with my Good Name, Robs-meof what dees not do him anygood, And makes me deuced poor!" Then we ba^ve of the same euphoni ous series, Goodsir, which is courte ous Goodwin, which is ambitious Goodspeed, which: is kindly and Goodenough, which should suffice had I not just stumbled on Good night! the veritable title of a Colora do darae, who went to a Methodist convention, accompanied by a most appropriate fellow delegate, Mrs. Sheets! Another British physician's name —Dr. Chas. H. Cattle—suggests a sort of Darwinism in names, a retro spective, degeneration, for here we have a Hurd of appellations, pastoral in there suggestions. We find more commonly Bulls and Bullocks, and less so, Steers (the great naval architect), and what a terror should be inspired in these by Mr. Butcher (the cutler)! To describe these bovine creatures I have in my list both Brindle (an English M. D.)On and Dunn (U. S. A.), while Horn, Hide, etc., are not rare. To guide the toilsome members of this class is Gee (a London wine merchant), and Haws to match are easily found, while fer their physical comfort have we not-excellent Hay (John, in liter ature), and the. fsB^wt,GoverLon don surgeon), and Straw (Stearns and-should they desire to room and ruminate, what better than Field and Lea (publishers and able writers themselves), and Meadows (English medical author) Na#' for ourselves: the proper study of mankind, you know, is Mann (Horace), and among the specimens in my verbal museum that mark our anatomy are some that I have treas ured long as the drollest of names. To begin at the top, we have Hare (if not hair), perhaps Silverlock (London printer) or Blacklock will suffice us here and Heads are numer ous enough to provide the foolish world with Bjaittes (TJ.S.K), though good types of the latter are rare after nil. Tooth English,- and Toothaker (N. Y.) would be amusing if it were not painfully suggestive. A lady died recently in New York named Shoul ders, and Arm I have met in the same city while^HajBd^(Dr^St.Baul) and Finger a doctorin Europe (with what delight I found his 'indicative and prehensile name!) point the upper extremity. Mr. Legge makes grave stones for a living. suppose he has one foot in the grave I all the time, and that terminal "ge" (with aristo cratic leanings) wont save him he'll his own wares as well as the rest of us. Descending this Appollo-like form I recall two patients of mine rejoicing respectively in the flexible Cognomen-Knee, and the vulnerable surname Shin, while Foot brings me to earth, and Shanks (the last two legislators) elegantly include all the merits of the lower extremities. Of internal organs, useful members, I have preserved Livers (U. S. A.) and Spleen-and Kidney, the last two names- occurring in the mortuary list of an Eastern paper, which may well excite our apprehension lest this im portant race is dying out. In completing this anatomical list, permit me to enter the interesting name of Teats (an army surgeon dur ing the War)—fountain source of our earliest joys What a capital domes tic practice such a doctor should es tablish, and how popular he would be among the little folks! I almost -envy him, for my name is only Snooks, and—and-'-but I must not digress.' Now haying built up our man— and supplied hint with a Soule—let us constitute ourselves his purveyors and see how well he fares., I find we can feed him Veale (a Kansas editor), Salmon (London surgical instrument maker), and Mackerel (St. Cloud), while Fish are abundant and slippery sometimes (Hamilton included). For lighter fare he have Oyster (St. Paul name), Garlick, Onion and Pigg (two names found in the burial records of Boston, 1543). The other porcine names, Hogg and Bacon, are too cheap to dwell upon. For a relish to his daily food we can place before him Pickles (from a will recorded in Plymouth, Mass., 1664), Salt (and Sons, surg. inst. makers London) and Pepper (a medical family of note in Philadelphia), or ever Peppercorne (a London doctor)-^please observe the bloated air that fiual fiends to this pungent name (J tnosn to add one to my name, too). I must bring thio 5 piece to a close with a passing reierence to those whose names are admirably to their occupations, as—to give a single examplerr-the Rev. Dr. Church, and by adding that a mem ber of a recent Kansas Legislature bears die luminous .title, Moonlight— a name,that in its dreamy emptiness suit more legislators than the one. Permit me to subscribe myself Truly yours, PETER SNOOKSE, M. D. (Observe that e.) -—Junius Henri Browne and wife aregoing to Europe for a season. June's object is to try and get hisannouncing middle-name cured. 5 THAT BrXKKK HIM, POWUKE. Every good student of history has learned that the battle of Bunker Hill was lost to the Americans chiefly because they had not enough pow der. .. ,, The King having opposed, by ev ery means in hia power, the manufac ture of munitions of war in the colo nies, the patriots at first found great difficulty in procuring ammunition arid the supplies for the early part of the war were obtained in such adven turous ways that accounts of these ex ploits are very interesting* Indeed, a portion of even the scanty stock which our people had at Bunker Hill had been brought over the sea- to be used against the enemies of Great Britain. I have only recently found out just how this powder came to do service for the patriots, instead of their Brit ish oppressors and, being quite sure that the story has never been fully told, I have undertaken its recital for the pleasure of.the numberless young patriots who read St. Nicholas. Adjoining the town of Rye, in New Hampshire, and directly north of its noted beach, is the town of Newcastle. the site of the present Fort Consti tution in this town there was, in theheights days of the Revolution, a quite form idable work called "Fort William and Mary." No visit from a foreign enemy be ing anticipated, the fort was manned at this time by a captain and /five privates only. A weak garrison, surely but it was supposed that, in case of danger, the friends of King George in the neighborhood would amply reinforce the guard, even were\ there not timeforthe royal governor, Wentworth, to bring the militia to the rescue. As to any senous attack by disaffected inhabitants, it was too bold an act for belief and if it were possible, in any case, that the militia should prove insufficient, General Gage, with three thousand regulars, was in Boston, and a BritishfleetwasCharles in the harbor. What subject, however rebellious, would dare to touch bis Majesty's property, or its custodians, under these circumstances The act would be treason, and the life and possessions of the offender would be forfeited and who could save him from the King's hand Probaby not even the most ardent patriot thought of it, un til Paul Revere came riding into town from Boston one evening. The news he brought was startling. An order had come from the King that all military stores in the colonies be seized at once. Major John Langdon (afterward Governor) the same evening received a call from his friend, Captain Thom as Pickering. After the compliments of the hour had been passed, the Captain surprised his friend by an in vitation to accompany him to Fort William and Mary to take a glass of wine with its commander. "It will not do," replied the Major, cautiously evading a declaration of his own sentiments "It will not do under the present state of public af fairs." Major Langdon's sympathies were with his oppressed countrymen and he revolted at the idea of receiving the hospitalities of one whose duty it might be on the morrow to shoot down his guests as foes of the Government. Captain Pickering next disclosed a design of securing the arms and am munition of the fort showing his purpose to be quite other than the invitation indicated. "If twenty-eight like ourselves could be found," said he, "I would undertake to lead in the capture." To this purpose Major Langdon heartily assented. Before noon of the next day a drum and fife were sounding about town to bring the people together and the order of the King for securing the ammunition was made known. The effect of this news was increased by a report that the armed vessels "Scar borough" and "Cauceaux" were on their way from Boston with British troops to possess the fort and hold the town in awe. When Governor Wentworth heard of this meeting of the citizens, he warned them against committing any rash act and as the people soon dis persed, it was supposed that nothing would come of the meeting. But this was a mistake. A little before twelve that night— it was the 14th of December, 1774— the nearly full moon looked down upon some two hundred men setting out in boats from Portsmouth wharves, and heading for Newcastle. Half an hour later their boats grounded near the island, and the men waded ashore through tho shal low water, which froze upon their clothing. Yet the landing had been, so quite that no attention was attract ed at the fort. Captain Pickering, "being in advance of the others,,scaled the greasy rampart unattended, and seizing the sentinel with one hand and his gun with the other, he de manded silence on pain of instant death. Crowds of men are now clamber ing up the walls and, leaving the sentinel in their charge, the leader hastened on to the quarters of the commandant. He entered the room before the officer was fairly awake, to him that the fort was captured and he a prisoner He had 8g| HS5 previously been warned that the at tack upon the fort was meditated, yet jus garrison was not on the alert and he at once surrendered to the only man that appeared. He 'gave his sword to Captain Pickering, who po litely returned it, saying'. "Yon are a gentleman, and shall retain your side-arms." Pickering turned to leave him, when the dishonorable officer, having him at disadvantage, aimed a blow at his captor with the Bword which had that minute been restored to him. But the muscular patriot parried the blow with his arm, and then, not deigning to draw his own sword, fell ed the miscreant to the ground with his clenched hand. His followers were now at the door, and the fallen officer was placed under guard. The remnant of the garrison gave no trouble. The military stores were now sought out and, in the earliest light of morning, ninety-seven barrels of powder were carried on board the scows and gondolas, and taken up the xiver. On the seventeenth of June the battle, whioh Bunker Hill monument commemorates, was fought upon the of Charleston. Two New Hampshire regiments were there, un der the command of Colonels Stark and Reed. They were posted on the left wing, behind a fence, from which ,they cut down whole ranks of themuch British as they advanced tip the shore. As I have before stated, It was a por tion of the powder taken from the fort at Newcastle that supplied their fire that day and, probably, other }roopsthan those of the Granite State were furnished fromthis providential stpckv-rGeft, J. Vanity, in St. Mchol ai for April LAWYERS, DOCTORS AND ACTORS. Some one has been guessing at and gossiping about the moneyed reward of well-know professional men. O'Connor, it is said, has a larger income from his practice than any lawyer in America the Jumel case alone bringing him $1,250,000 in money. Sir Roundell Palmer, who was opposed to Evarts at Geneva, makes $150,000 a year, which is more than Evarts' average receipts for his New York practice. For de fending Johnson, Evarts received $10,000, and it is not thought he will be paid a greater sum for worrying Tilton. Mr. Sergeant Ballentine,. of the London bar, who has gone to In dia to defend the Guicower of Bar dora in a prosecution for murder, gets $50,000 for this case alone. Beach, of Tilton's counsel, is thought to behis working for a contingent fee. Jere miah Black is said to trouble himself more about his case than his fee, preferring to win andget nothing than lose and be paid liberally. Great ac tors are as well remunerated as great lawyers. Booth has made his $12, 000 a month Jefferson has even passed this sum in the same time. It is thought that in a season of forty weeks Clara Morris will make $70, 000, while Charlotte Cusbman's ling ering farewells are a kind of dramatic bonanza.. Boucicault, between his royalty as playwright and his skill as ptyyractor, is pocketing $2j000 every week at Wallack's. Great physicians find millions in their healing art, Mott, Parker and Clarke making as much as $100,000 each in a year's practice. THE ITUIWy BEE. BY JOSH BILLfclGS. The hunny bee is about ten times the size of the house fly—i never meazured them—they won't stand still long enuff, but think have got their dimenshuns about right. Hunny bees are built with a sting, which is quicker than a ghost when a good biziness chance offers but never knu one to use it just for the dejviltry of the thing. These little workers travel about five miles a day during the sweet sea zop, and bring their hunny home Stuck unto their legs. If there is a lazy one in the hive he gets lynched at once. Lynch law is the hunny bee's justiss. Man stole this code from the hun ny bees, just az he haz stole pretty much every thing else he haz got. Killing oph the lazy may look a lititle tuff, but, after all, there's sum thing like mercy in it, for if iz the only way known az yet to put an end to their torments. Hunny bees have a queen, but nev er a king this iz a great kompliment to the sex, and-iz an argument for Wwmin'iMioMg,'' vrhich the beleav ers in this docktering are welkum to use without giving me kridit for it. The hunny bees are the only nation know ov who have always had a queen lor a ruler, and who have been more prosperous *nd have existed longer than anv other people we kno I luv the hunny bees bekaze they are alwuss bizxy, and hav a stinger alwuss hot and reddy for the lacy, and for those who poke their noze into their bizzness. -—Professional lobbyists will make a note of the decision by the United States Supreme Court that a contract for compensation for services in se-he curing the passage of a bill is illegal, void, opposed to public policy, and cannot he enforced. &LU. ..--.::-. -.,..- ..-i NO. 3S. HUMOROUS OBJECTS. Not only is the susceptibility to humor different among different na tions, hut the humorous objects differ by reason of different customs and habits. There is nothing very laugh able -to us in the manner in which we at our hotels and railroad depots gob ble down our food', but even an Arab or a Chinese would laugh at the ope ration if we did not. Yet it is lu dicrous to us to see an Arab lady pick out the choice tidbits with which you had loaded your plate, or roll a little ball of hash in her dainty fingers, and by way of especially honoring you, plug your mouth with it unexpected ly or to see a Chinese with his chop sticks load himself up with boiled rice, and ram it down as we would wad in a gun! It is said that the la dies under the dominion of the Grand Lama, when good-looking, disfigure their faces to preserve them from vanity. I have never seen that re corded of our ladies—Heaven forbid! The idea, however, is as ludicrous as the Tartar custom of pulling a manman by the ear when they want him to drink, and keep pulling till he opens his mouth, when they pour down the liquor. I know a man whose ears do not require to be pulled There is nothing very laughable to an American in the shaking of hands, which is every where practiced in our country but foreigners do find in it amusement. Yet nothing will be more ridiculous to us than the sa lutation in Germany, where one may see two big, burly, hairy men rush to each other's embrace and kiss with school-girl fervency. The peo-afraid ple of Thibet salute by lolling out the tongue and scratching the right ear, and the Esquimaux by rubbing the noses with their thumb and de scribing a conic section in the air with their fingers—a custom practiced by mischievous urchins in our land, but not exactly as a salutatory grace. It is now happily honored in thetry breach. In Turkey an American traveling with his unveiled wife, even without the appendages so usual here of six small children and seven large trunks and bandboxes, is to them in a funny predicament. On the other hand, what would be funny with us, among the Turks is quite the reverse. An American gives us an instance in his experience in Syria. He was about to mount his mule amidst a crowd of Oriental visitors, and wished to give an exaggerated idea of Ameri can agility. He jumped a little too far, and overshot the mark, coming down on the other side like a diver, with his hands and nose in the mud, feet caught in the saddle, and his coat skirts cleverly rolled over his head to screen him from what he sup posed was a laughing crowd. Yet not a soul smiled, not a sound was heard save a tender grunt of sympathy and demure offers of aid. Now a Turk in America, with baggy breech es and turbaned head, taking a leap over a mule in the streets of au Amer ican city, and getting stuck upside down, with his proboscis in a rut and his heels in the saddle, would be salut ed with something more than a grunt of sympathy and demure offers of aid. We have more humor than dignity the Turks more dignity than humor. There never was an American who would not sacrifice his courtesv and sympathy to his fun. He must have it, however, well seasoned, and done in a hurry, and its prevailing charac teristic must be exaggeration. You saw this illustrated even in the inor dinate hopes of so calm and sedate a statesman as Mr. Seward, as to the closing up of our late civil war in six ty days. That was the huge joke of our time. There was a court in Gen eral Grant's army which sentenced a man to work ten years on General Butler's Dutch Gap Canal and it was generally said, if not believed, in the army that Palmer, who made the patented limbs, had purchased 2000 acres of Western land, and plauted them with locust and maple, with a view to economize in the future in his manefacture of arms and legs.—The Hon. S. S. Cox, in Harper's Magazine for April. FROZEN TO DEATH I HOUSE. CALX OF HIS Dennis Welch, a homesteader lo cated about eight miles from Cheney, Michigan, on the Detroit, Lansing & Saginaw Railroad, started from home Wednesday morning to go to the Post Office for his mail. The terrible snow storm of that day caught him on the road. When within calling distance of home he shouted to his wife to put a light in the window, as it was then dark. She did so, and asked him if she should come to him. He answered "no," he could get in alone. He did not get in, and next morning with the aid of the neighbors they found him buried under four feet of snow— frozen to death. —A. deed has been unearthed in New York that conveyed the proper ty on which St. Paul and Minneapolis stands and extending twenty-four miles east, by an Indian trader to parties in New York and Philadel phia for.the sum of $1,100 due on account for goods. The holder of this deed has been offered $100,000 cash in hand for the document, but steadily refuses to accept and says when he dies the deed shall be null and void, and has it so expressed in his will.—St. Paul Dispatch. J?Z.-Z*t..:-..-.^ _. A SCHOOLMASTER ARUC2tt LOOSE. Four or five days ago a man about forty years of age, looking as if he had been drawn over a dustyfloorfor an hour or two, called upon one of the members of the Board of Educa tion, and introduced himself as Wil liam Cannon Harrison, of Saginaw County. He was politely received, and he commenced business prompt ly by saying: "I'm a-looking for a situation as a school teacher." "Ah, ah replied the member, wondering why the man wasn't look ing for a wood-pile. "I could have brought a pile of re commends so high," continued the man, measuring with his hands, "but recommends don't amount to noth ing." "And have you any school im view asked the member. "I want to get in here, in Detroit," replied the man. "What wages do you pay "I am afraid—" began the mem ber, when the schoolmaster interrupt ed "Oh well, I s'pose you pay going wages, and that's all I can ask for I don't want to put on style and live h:gh, as I'm getting a leetle old and ought to save money." "As I was going to remark—" said the member, when the schoolmaster suddenly inquired: "Do they allow licking in the schools here If they do, I'm the you want to dress the boys down I've had 'em come for me by the dozen, and it would do your heart good to see the way I laid 'em! Why, when I had that school in Bay Coun ty, I thought nothing of licking thir ty scholars a day, besides hearing twelve classes recite I'm an old screamer, I tell you, and there's fun in me when you get me woke up!" "I hardly think—" commenced the member again, when the schoolmaster jumped up and said "Of course you won't take me un less I pass examination, but I hain't of not passing. I'd like to see a word I couldn't spell! For in stance 'Catarrh:' 'C-a-t-a-r-r-h, ca tarrh.' 'Dandelion:' 'D-a-n-d-e-1-i-o-n, dandelion,' or try me on words of four syllables. 'Lugubrious:' 'L-u-g-u b-r-i-o-u-s, lugubrious.' Oh I can knock the socks right off'n these swell-head teachers and not half "I should like to help you," put in the member, "but "Oh! you needn't think I'm be hind on geography," interrupted the teacher. "For instance What is an isthmus? An isthmus is a narrow strip of land connecting two larger bodies. Ls the world round or flat Round. Why is it round Because it is. Which is the largest river in the world The Amazon. Which is the highest^mountain The Andes. I might go on for seventy-five days this way, and then not tell you half I know!" "You seem to be pretty well posted in geography, but as I wanted to tell "And on grammar too exclaim ed the teacher, jumping up again. "What is a noun A noun is the name of any person, place or thing. Give us au example Man, dog, cat, coon, goat, jack-knife, fish-hook, gate post. What are the principal con junctions? And, as, both, because, for, if, that, or, nor, neither, either, and so forth and so forth. Oh! I'm right on the roof of the meeting-house when you sling grammar at me!" The member was getting desperate, and as soon as he could get in a word he said: "I will take your name, and as soon as a vacancy ." "And I know arithmetic from cover to cover!" exclaimed the man, stand ing up again. "I can go through a haystack, and when you get to frac tions and cube-root I'm awful—I weigh a ton aud a half and still grow ing 'Rithmetic's my favorite study, and I'll give you $50 to find a man who'll saw sums in two and plane 'em down as quickly as I can!" His speech took the wind out of him, and the member managed to say there was no vacancy at present,*" but he would take his name and consider his case as soon as one occurred "I'd like to commence right off!" replied the man, "but I'm willing to wait. Here's my name, and the min it I get your letter I'll come down a-flying. If you get me you don't get much style, but you get solid, old, common sense and genuine education. You won't see scholars playing hide and-coop around the wood-box or marbles on the floor—no, you won't. And he went down stairs.—Detroit Free Press. —The annual report of the Massa chusetts Bureau ot Labor statistics this year has an interesting summary of the condition and comforts of the average workingmen in the Old Bay State. In the majority of cases, the father of a family cannot support his wife and children by his own earn ingSw The deficit is made up by the wages of the children. They earn from one-quarter to one-third of the annual income. Children under 15 earn from one-eighth to one-sixth. Wives generally earn so little that they really labor at a loss. They would save expense by staying at home. The joint-work of a man and his children enables more than one half of the 397 families visited to save money most of the rest make both ends meet and only one-tenth are in debt. The average saving is 3 per cent, of the income. The average in come of skilled labor is $823.60- of unskilled, $687.05. Of this income, 58 per cent, is spent for food 14 for clothing 16 for rent 6 for fuel and the other six goes into sundry ex penses and savings.