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The Donaldsonville chief. (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, November 03, 1906, Image 6

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TE INVENTIONS OF HAWKINS EGI.FAKI
HEDGARNIFRANIKLINY
THE ANTI-FIRE-FLY.
Perhaps some of the blame should
rest upon the barbaric habit of hav
ing Sunday dinner in the middle of
the afternoon.
Had it been evening when Hawk
Ins and his better half sat down to
dinner with us, it would not, naturally,
have been daylight; and much unpleas
antuess might have been avoided, for
the gas had not been turned on in the
remodeled Hawkins residence, and an
inspectico would have been impos
wible.
Again, I may have started the trou
hlo myself by bringing up the subject
of the renovations.
"Yes, the work's all done," said
Hawkins, with a more genial air than
he usually exhibited when that topic
was touched. "I tell you, it's a model
home now."
"Particularly in containing no new
inventions by its owner," added Mrs.
Hawkins.
"Oh, those may come later," said
tbo gifted inventor, casting a compla
cent wink in my direction.
"Not if I have anything to say about
it," replied the lady, rather tartly. "We
escaped with our lives when the house
was wrecked, but next time-"
"Madam," flared Hawkins, "if you
knew what that house-"
Just here my wife broke in with a
spasmodic remark anent the doings of
the Russians in Manchuria, and a dis
cussion of the merits of Hawkins' in
ventions was happily averted.
But the spunky light didn't die out
of Hawkins' eye. He appeared to be
nursing something beside wrath, and
when we arose from the table he re
marked shortly:
"Come up to the house, Griggs, and
smoke a cigar while we look it over."
"And note the charm of the inven
tioniess home," supplemented his
wife.
"Inventionless fiddlestick!" snapped
Hawking, as he slammed the door be
lind us. "It's a wonder to me that
Women weren't created either with
sense or without tongue."
I made no comment and we walked
In silence to the Hawkins house.
It had been done over in a style
which must have made Hawkins' bank
account look like an Arabian grain
field after a particularly bad locust
year; but beyond noting the general
beauty of the decorations, I found
nothing remarkable until we reached
the second floor.
There, as we gazed from the back
windows, it struck me that something
tamiliar had departed, and I asked:
"What's become at the fire-escape?"
"Don't- you see, ell?" said the In
ventor, with a prodigiously mysterious
smile.
"Hardly. Have you made it invis
ible?"
"No and yes," chuckled Hawkins.
"What would you say, Griggs, to a fire
escape that you kept indoors until it
was needed?"
"I should sky 'nay, nay,' if anyone
wanted me to use it"
"No," I mean-oh, come upstairs and
I'l show you at once."
"Show me what, Hawkins?" I cried,
detaining him with a firm hand. "Is
$t another contrivance? Has it a
motor? Does it use gasolene or gun
powder or dynamite?"
"No, it does not!" said the inventor,
gruffly, trudging toward the top of the
house.
"There!" he exclaimed when we had
reached the upper floor. "That's it
What do you think of it?"
It was a device of strange appear
ance. It seemed to be a huge clothes
basket, such as is used for transporta
tion of the family "wash," and it was
piled with what appeared to be the re
mains of as many white sun-umbrellas
as could have been collected at half
a dozen seaside resorts.
"What is it?" I said, with a blank
smile. "Junk?"
"No, it's not ju uk. That mass of
ribs and white silk which loks like
junk to your unacsastomed eye consti
tutes a set of aeroplanes or wings."
"But the other thing is merely the
common or domestic variety of wash
basket, is it not?"
"Well-er-yes," admitted Hawkins,
with cold dignity. "That happened to
be the most suitable thing for my pur
pose in this experimental model. Now,
you see, when the wings are spread the
?'asket is suspended beneath just as
the car of a balloon is suspended from
* gas-bag, and--
"Aba! I see it all now!" I cried.
"You fill the basket, point it in the
righi direction, and it flaps its wings
and dlies sway tto the washlady!"
"'That, Grigga," sneered Hawkins, "is
about the view a poor little brain like
yours, permeated with chea; humor,
would take. Really, I don't suppose
you could guess the purpose or the
name of that thing if you tried a
week."
"Catdidly. I don't think I could.
IWhat is it?"
"It's the Hawkins' Anti-Fire-Fly!"
said the invent er.
"The Hawkins-what?" I ejacu
lated.
"The Anti-Fire-Fly!" repated Hawk
ins, enthusiastically. "Say, Griggs,
how that will sound in an advertise
ment: 'Fly Away from Fire with the
Anti-Fire-Fly!' Great, isn't it?"
"So it's a fire escape?"
"Certainly," chuckled Hawkins, dig
ging around among the ribs and bring
ing into tangible shape what locked
like several sets of huge bird-wings.
MANY FOLLIES OF THE NEW YORK RICH.
Although there have been a great,
many suggestions of revelations to
come about the career of Stanford
White, there is a likelihood, if the
investigations are really carried out,
of developments affecting his little
group of cronies that will drag into
the baleful light of one of the great
est murder trials New York has ever
known a man whose name is associ
ated with everything that wealth and
"No more climbing down red-hot lad
ders through belching flames! No i
more children being thrown from fifth
story windows! No, siree! All we E
have to do now is to place the Anti
Fire-Fly on the window-sill, spread I
the wings, jump into the basket, push
her off, and-"
"And drop to instant death!"
"And float gently away from the fire
and down to the earth!" concluded
Hawkins, opening the window and
shoving out the basket until it fair- I
ly hung over the back yard. "Just
watch me," c
"See here!" I cried. "You're not go- t
ing to get into that thing?" t
"I'm not, eh? You watch me!" E
Hawkins had clambered into the t
" eooHeo, e, o t aC ih e eb r
"Hey, Youse," Shouted the Man with the Wheelbarrow.
'basket before I could lay a hand on
him.
"Now!" he cried, giving a push with,
his foot.
My breathing apparatus seemed to go
on strike. Hawkins, basket, wings and
all dropped from the window.
For an instant they went straight
toward the earth; then, like a para
chute opening, the wings spread grace
fully, the descent slackened, and
Hawkins floated down, down, down
until he landed in the center of the
yard without a jar.
Really, I was amazed. It seemed to
be either a special dispensation of
Providence or an invention of Hawk
ins' which really worked.
A minute or two later he had la
bored back to my side, up the stairs,
with the aerial fire-escape on his back.
'There." he exclaimed. "What do
you think of that?"
"It certainly seems to be a suc
cess."
"Well, rather! Now come up to the
roof and have a drop with me. We'll
go into the street this time, and-"
"Thank you, Hawkins," I said, posi
tively. "Don't count me in on that.
I'l wait for the fire before dabbling
with your Anti-Fire-Fly."
"Oh, well, come with me, anyway.
I'm going down once more. You've
no idea of the sensation."
It was a considerable feat of en
gineering to persuade the Anti-Fire
Fly into passing through the scuttle.
but Hawkins finally accomplished it,
and pushed the contrivance to the
edge of the roof.
"Now that thing will carry a small
family with ease and safety," he said,
proudly. "Just sit down in the bas
ket and feel the roominess. Oh, don't
be afraid. I'll come, too."
"Yes, it's very nice," I said, some
what nervously, after crouching beside
him for a moment. "I think I'll get
out now."
"All ri-oh! Here! Wait!" cried
Hawkins, grabbing my coat and pull"
ing me back. Sit down!"
"What for?"
"The-the-the wings!" stuttered the
inventor. "The-the wind!"
"Great Scott!" I shouted as a sud
dpn breeze caught the wings and tilted
the basket far to one side. "Let me
out!"
"No, no!" shrieked Hawkins, wildly.
"You'll break your neck, man! We're
right on the edge of the roof now,
and-"
And we were over the edge!
There was a street-miles below!
Sickening dread choked me. I closed
my eyes and gripped the basket as the
accursed thing swayed from side to
side and threatened every instant to
precipitate us on the hard stones.
But it grew steadier presently. I
looked about.
There was Hawkins hanging on for
dear life, and white as death, but still
social position means. This man is
not only one of the richest men in
America, but he is also one of the
largost property owners in the city.
Fe was an associate of White's in
all of the murdered architect's little
supper parties where there were more
than two.!prsons at the feast. Owing
to his great wealth he was able to
spend more money than any man in
the group around White, and one of
serene. There, also, were numerous
graveled roofs-some 20 feet below.
We were going up! Also, I was
startled to note that the high wind was
driving us down town at a rapid
pace.
"See here, Hawkins!" I said. "What
does this mean?"
"M-m-means that a big wind has
caught us," replied the inventor, with
a sickly smile.
"And when do you suppose it's go
ing to let go of us?"
"Well-we-we may be able to catch
one of those high roofs over there,"
murmured Hawkins, with assurance
that did not reassure. "You-you know
we can't go up very far, Griggs. This
was not built for flying.",
"For anything that wasn't made for
the purpose, it's doing wonders," I re
torted. Then a sudden puff sent us up
fully ten feet. "Heavens! There goes
our chance at those roofs!"
"Dear me! So it does!" muttered
the inventor, as we sailed gracefully
over the chimney-tops. "How unfor
tunate!"
"It'll be a lot more unfortunate when
we pitch down into the street!"
snarled.
"Now, Griggs," said Hawkins, argu
mentatively, as we sped down town on
the steadily rising wind, "why do you
always take this pessimistic view of
things? Can't you see-it is beyond
your little mental scope to realize that
we have fairly fallon over a great dis
covery, something that men have been
seeking for ages? Don't you compre
hend, from the very fact of our being
up here and still rising, that these
wings accidentally embody the vital
principles of the dirigible-"
"Oh, dry up!" I growled, as we flit
ted swiftly past a church steeple.
Hawkins regarded me sadly, and I
sadly regarded the street below and
tried to assimilate the fact that we
were 200 feet above the ground and
rising at every puff of wind; that we
were in a crazy clothes-basket, sus
pended from a crazier pair of wings,
absolutely at the mercy of the breeze,
and likely at any moment to drop to
eternal smash!
I did not realize, without any effort,
that my lower limbs were developing
excruciating shooting pains from the
cramped position.
The time passed very slowly. The
houses below passed with astounding
rapidity.
I thought of our wives, sitting calm
ly in my home, ignorant of our plight.
I wondered what their sentiments
would be when some kindly ambulance
surgeon had brought home such frag
ments of Hawkins and me as might
have been collected with a dust-pan
and brush.
I wondered whether the accursed
Anti-Fire-Fly would dump us out and
flutter away into eternity, to leave our
fate unexplained, or whether it would
accompany us to our doom and be
found gloating over the respective
grease-spots that would represent all
that was mortal of Hawkins and my
self.
And at about this point in my medi
tations, I noted that we were sailing
over Union square.
"Isn't it fine?" cried Hawkins, en
truslastically. "You never came down
town like this before, Griggs."
"I never expect to again," Hawk
ins," I sighed.
"Why not? Why, Griggs, this thing
is only the nucleus of my future air
ship, and yet see how it floats! Oh,
I've thought it all out in the last five
minutes. It's astonishing that it never
cccurred to me before. Now, these
his favorite ways of bestowing favors
on the girls who attended the parties
was to remove the tin foil that was
wrapped around the bouquets at their
plates and substitute for the foil a
hundred-dollar bill in each case.
White's favorite way of making pres
ents of money to the girls who had
caught his fancy was to send them a
box of bonbons with a $20 gold piece
laid on top of the sweets.
wings, you see, are so constructed-"
"See here, Hawkins,"I said, "do you
mean to say that you expect to get
out of this thing alive?"
"Certainly," replied the inventor, in
astonishment. "There's no danger. I
can see that now, although I was' a
trifle startled at first. It's only a mat
ter of minutes when we shall go near
enough to one of those big office build
ings to grab it and stop ourselves.
"And clamber down the side-20 or
30 stories?"
"And even if we can't land, we
shan't fall. The construction of these
wings is such-"
"Oh, hang the construction of your
wings!" I cried. "We're going right
toward the bay-suppose the wind dies
down and lets us into the water?"
"Well, these wings are water-proof,
you know," said Hawkins. "They
might-"
"Yes, and the bay might dry up, so
that we could walk back if we escaped
being broken in pieces, Hawkins," I
sneered.
Hawkins subsided. The breeze did
not.
It was one of the most Impolitely
persistent breezes I have ever en
countered. It seemed bent on landing
us in New York harbor, and before
many minutes we were suspended high
above that expansive, and in some cir
cumstances, charming body of water.
Furthermore, having wafted us
something like a quarter of a mile
from shore, it proceeded to die out in
a manner which was, to say the least,
disheartening.
Hawkins grew paler by perceptible
shades as we progressed, ever nearer
the water, and farther from hope; and
it was not until I opened my mouth
to vent a few last indivious criticisms
of him and his methods that the in
ventor's face brightened.
"By Jove, Griggs! Look! That
ferryboat! That fellow on the roof!
He's got a boat-hook! Hey! Hey!
Hey! you!"
The individual gazed al9ft and near
ly collapsed with astonishment.
"Catch us!" bawled the inventor,
frantically. "Catch the basket with
that hook! We want to come aboard!
Hurry up!"
The boat was going In our direction,
and rather faster. The man on the
roof seemed to comprehend. He
reached up with his hook. He leaped
a couple of times in vain.
And then we felt a shock which told
of our capture! I breathed a long,
happy sigh.
In dealing with Hawkins' Inven
tions, long, happy sighs are prema
ture unless you are positive that your
entire anatomical structure is com
plete, and likewise certain that the
contrivance lies at your feet in a con
dition of total wreck.
The basket was suspended from a
thin steel frame, from which several
dozen stout cords rose to that idiotic
pair of wings. When we were fairly
caught, Hawkins cried:
"Now, Griggs, stand up and catch
the frame and pull the whole business
down with us. And you, down there,
pull hard! Pull hard, now!"
I seized the steel frame on one side,
Hawkins on the other, and we pulled.
And the man with the boat-hook pulled.
And at the psychological moment the
wind rose afresh and pulled at the
wings with a mighty pull!
Some seconds of dizzy swirling in
the air, and the clothes-basket portion
of the Anti-Fire-Fly lay on the roof
of the ferry-boat, while Hawkins and
I hung far above, entangled in the
Von Blumer Plays In Hard Luck With His Creditors.
Von Blumer-I had the most singu
lar thing happen to me the other day.
Did you ever go into a man's place
to pay a bill you owed him, and find
him out?
Plankington (emphatically) - No,
sir. Did that happen to you?
"It did. I had a notion, or, rath
er, I nerved mygelW to it, to settle
up some bills that I awed. So on my
way from the office I dropped in to
cords and clutching them wildly and
rising steadily once more!
"Great Caesar's ghost!" gurgled the
inventor. "This is awful!"
"Awful!" I gasped when breath had
returned. "It's-it's-"
"Lord! Lord! We're going straight
for Staten Island. Don't move,
Griggs."
"I can't," I said. "I'm caught tight
here. Good-by, Hawkins."
"We're-we're not done for yet,"
quivered that individual. "We may
hi land. But isn't-isn't it terrible?"
'Oh, no," I groaned. "It's all right.
No more climbing down red-hot lad
del's through belching flames! No
more throwing children from-"
"Don't joke, Griggs," wailed Haw
kins. "I will say I'm sorry I got you
into this."
"Thank you, Hawkins," I said, near
ly strangled by a cord which persisted
in twisting itself about my neck. "So
am I."
Conversation lagged after that. For
my part, I was too dazed and too firm
ly enmeshed in the cords to say much.
I fancy that the same applied to
Hawkins, but he happened to be facing
ahead, and now and then he called
back bulletins of our progress.
"Getting nearer the island," he an
nounced after some ten minutes of
the agony.
A little later: "Thank Heaven!
We're almost over land!"
And still later, when I had been
choked and twisted almost into in
sensibility by the eccentric dives of
the affair and the consequent tighten
ing of the cords, he revived me with:
"By George, Griggs, we're sinking
toward land!"
I managed to look downward. Haw
kins had told the truth. The wind
was indeed going down, and with it
the remains of the Anti-Fire-Fly.
Beneath appeared a big factory, its
chimney belching forth black smoke
in disregard of the Sabbath, and we
seemed likely to land within its pre
cincts.
"I knew it! I knew it!" Hawkins
cried joyfully. "We's safe, after all,
just as I said. We'll drop just out
side the fence."
"Thank the Lord," I murmured.
"No! No! We'll drop right on that
heap of dirt!" predicted Hawkins, ex
citedly. "Yes, sir, that's where we'll
drop. D'ye see that fellow wheeling a
wheelbarrow toward the pile? Hey!"
The man glanced up in amazement.
"Farther down every minute!" pur
sued Hawkins. "I knew we'd be all
right! Maybe the Anti-Fire-Fly isn't
such a bad thing after all, eh?"
"Maybe not," I sighed. "But I'll
take the red-hot ladder."
"Go ahead and take it," chattered
the inventor. "We're not 30 feet from
the ground and steering straight for
that dirt-pile. Yes, sir, the wind's
gone down completely. Hooray!"
"Hey, youse!" shouted the man with
the wheelbarrow, somewhat excitedly.
"Well?" bawled Hawkins.
"Steer away from it!" continued the
workman, waving his arms at the pile.
"We can't steer," replied Hawkins,
cheerfully. "But it's all right."
SAMPLE OF CHINESE FUN.
Jokes in the Literature of the Celes
tials Much Like Those of the
Present Day.
If there is any truth in what expert
jesters tell us the world's stock of
good, original jokes is ludicrously
small-a dozen or two at the very
outside. An early investigator Into
this momentous question, a certain
Hierocles who lived some 1,500 years
ago, put the number in his day at
exactly 21. The researches of
Hierocles probably did not extend so
far eastward as China, so there Is
no impropriety in asking now wheth
er some of the jokes which abound
in the literature of the celestial em
pire are entitled to the honor of origi
nality or not. Here are three speci
mens:
A careless barber, trimming a cus
tomer's ears-Chinese barbers pay
particular attention to this part of
the human anatomy-put his patient
to great pain and uneasiness. "Are
you doing my left ear now?" asked
the victim. "No, sir; I've not quite
finished the right ear yet." "Ah! I
fancied you' were trying to pass
through to the left without going
around."
A portrait painter without clients
was advised by a friend to paint a
likeness of himself and his wife and
hang it in some conspicuous place, so
that would-be customers might judge
of his skill. He did so and his fa
ther-in-law the next time he called
immediately saw the picture. "Pray,"
asked the visitor, "what woman have
you represented there?" "Why, sir,
do you not recognize your own daugh
ter?" "My daughter!" was the in
dignant answer. "If you intend that
to represent my daughter, how dare
you paint her sitting thus intimately
with a man whom I have never seen
before and who must be an entire
stranger to her?" The painter's feel
ings need not be described.
The gibes at doctors are innumer
able. The following is a typical exam
ple:
One of the judges of the nether re
gions dispatched an imp to this world
of ours to seek out and bring back
a good doctor. "When," the imp was
instructed, "you come to the house
of a doctor before which you decry
no complaining ghosts you will know
you have found a man of the kind
wanted." The messenger set out, but
in front of every doctor's door he
came to there was as immense throng
of angry spirits proclaiming the
wrongs they had suffered when in the
flesh at the hands of the medicine
i- see my fishmonger."
r. "And he was out?"
e "Correct. Then I tried my grocer."
d "He was out?"
"Right. Plenty of shopmen, but no
, proprietor. Of course, I left word
that I called in to settle up, but
i- wanted to see the proprietor first.
e Dispute about bills. See?"
y "Oh, yes, that strengthens your
o credit."
"The polle! The poalet Ru'c, se'it
just drew the foire, an' thiz's the hot
coals! Be careful o' the cinder poile!"
"What did he say?" asked Hawkins,
superciliously.
"'Be careful of the cinder pile,' I
think."
"Oh, we won't hurt yout old cinder
pile!" called the inventor, jocosely, as
the wreck of . the Anti-Fire-Fly
swooped down with a rush.
"But the cinders!" howled the mat,
"Bedad! They're into it! Mike!
Mike! Bring the hose! The hose!"
And we were into it.
A final rush of air and we strucl
the pile with a thud. And for my
part I had no sooner landed than I
bounced to my feet with a shriek, foe
that cinder pile was about the hottesi
proposition it has ever been my mis
fortune to meet.
The cords were. all about me, and
as I pulled wildly in one direction, I
could feel Hawkins pulling as wildly
in the opposite.
"Let go! Let go, Griggs!" he
screamed. "Come my way! Lord!
I'm all afire! Come, quick!"
"I'm not going to climb back over
that infernal heap!" I shouted. "Yot
come this way!"
"But my feet! T-hey're burning
and-"
A mighty stream of water knocked
me headlong to the ground. Sizzling
steaming on the red-hot cinders, ii
caught Hawkins and hurled his pant
ing person to the other side, Anti-Fire
Fly and all. Mike had arrived with
the hose.
After a period of wallowing in wa
ter and mud I regained my feet.
Hawkins was already standing a
little distance away, torn, scorched,
drenched, black with cinders and star
ing wild-eyed about him.
"Why-why-Griggs, he mumbled,
"what-did-we-"
"Oh, we flew away from fire with
the Anti-Fire-Fly!" I said.
Such was the end of the Anti-Fire
Fly.
Attired in such of our own raiment
as had survived the cinder pile and
the hose, and in other bits of cloth.
ing contributed by kindly factory
workmen, we took the next boat for
New York, and a cab thereafter.
We reached home in time to see
the ladies mounting the Hawkins'
steps, presumably to investigate the
reason for our prolonged inspection.
For a few moments they seemed
quite incapable of speech. Mrs. Haw
inks was the first to regain the use of
her tongue.
"Herbert," she said, in an ominous
ly calm tone, "what was it this time?"
Hawkins smiled foolishly.
"It was the Hawkins Anti-Fire-Fly,"
I said, spitefully. "Fly away from
fire with the Anti-Fre-Fly, you know.
Tell your wife about it, Hawkins."
Then Mrs. Hawkins addressed her
husband and said-but let that pass.
We have all the essential facts of
the case as it is. Moreover, a success
ful author told me last week that un
happy endings are in the worst possi
ble taste just now.
(Copyright, 1906, by W. G. Chapman.)
man. Finally, however, he reached
a house where there was but one soli.
tary ghost flitfing backward and for.
ward. "This is my man," he said
to himself; "he must surely be a
clever fellow." When the Imp came
to make inquiries, however, he learned
that the practitioner had barely been
in practice for a day!-Grand Maga
zine.
HOME LIFE OF A PRINCESS
Writer Tells of Delightful Days Spend
as Guest of Amelie Rives,
the Authoress.
One who has recently visited Amelie
Rives (Princess Troubetzkoy) at the
beautiful Virginia estate, where she
spends her winters with her mother
and sisters, gives an attractive pio
ture of the home life of the author o;
"Selene:"
"In the gloaming hour preceding
dinner we had tea by the light of a
log fire, in a big, square room, where
everything was comforting, where
nothing was false, yet where every'
thing was reminiscent of homeful as
sociations. It was not the chamber
of state, but the general room of in
timate reunion. The family life at
Castle Hill has no intellectual affecta
tions. Each member of the household
has special obligations and duties that
keep her busy, while the 'Princess o'
Dreams' is the wondrous idol of them
all. By candle-light we dined, at a big,
round table, and in the mellow glow
of the candelabra we looked our best
Not because we were formal in our
elegance, but because we were har
moniously informal. After dinner we
all adjourned to the cozy comfort of
lamp light, and laughed and talked
and even smoked our pipes until late.
Our eyes and our minds were cen
tered in the mood of the princess; not
merely the guests, but her mother and
sisters. The talk was always about
something worth while, with ethical
point and purpose-and there were no
laggards. Yet it was nothing so pain
ful as an 'intellectual evening.' When
It cmae time to say good-nignt, the
transient guest, no longer an alien,
retired serene in his conviction that
Amelie Rives Troubetzkoy was well
and strong and, above all, serene."
To Study Free Alcohol.
For the purpose of studying free
alcohol in all its aspects the presi
dent has decided to send a represent
ative of the government to Germ:ny,
France, Belgium and Holland. Johmn
W. Yerkes, commissioner of internal
revenue, has been chosen.
"Exactly. Then I called to see my
butcher, and I'll be hanged if he
wasn't out, also!"
"By Jove! but you were in lucg!"
"No, I wasn't."
"Why not?"
"When I got home I found them all
waiting for me."
Do not give a formal afternoon. te
on the day you ars moving.
SICK HEADACHE
Positively cured by
these Little Pills. 1
They also relieve Dis
tress fron Dyspepsia. In
CATTLE diston and Too~eat
rs edy for Dizziness,I ausea.
PILLS. Irowsiness, Bad Taste
Int the 7Mouth, Coated
Tongue. Pain in the Side.
TORP~I LIVER. They
regulate the Bowels. Purely Vegetable.
SMALL PILL SMALL DOSE. SMALL PRICE.
Genuine Must Bear
ITSTLE Fac-Smile Signature
LEJ REFUSESUBSTITUTEL..
When you bsy
WET
WEATHER
CLOTHING ,
YoU Want
complete
protection
and long /
service.
These and many
other good points,
are combined In
TOWER'S
FISH BRAND '
OILED CLOTHING
You calm afford I
to bqy any other /
A Positive CATARRH
CURE"CAAR
Ely's Cream Balm- i BAU
is quickly absorbed.
Gives Relief at Once.
It cleanses, soothes
heals and protects
the diseased mem
brane. It cures Ca
tarrh and drives
away a Cold in the
Head quickly. Be- EVER
stores the Senses ofHA FEVER
Taste and Smell. Full size 50 ets., at Drug.
gists or by mail; Trial Size 10 cts. by mail.
Ely Brothers.56 Warren Street. NewYork.
COPPER SAFE FROM LIGHTNING.
Pellef Firmly Held in Many Parts of
the Country.
"This matter of superstitions is a
queer thing," said the man as he care
fully avoided walking under a ladder,
"for even those of us who are skeptics
have at least one superstitious failing,
and mine is walking under ladders.
"In the country this summer I met
a new one, which was firmly believed
In by several farmers, and that was
that a thunder storm never passed
over a copper mine or copper vein.
The- old fellow who told me about it
pointed out again and again that al
though black clouds might roll up and
lightning flash, the storm always went
around a certain spot in his farm.
"Such actions on the part of a tbon
der storm could mean but one thing,
he said-that there was a copper vein
there. So sure was he of it, that he
was putting by a little each year to
have the spot investigated to see if
there was copper enough in it to
work."
Microbe of Gray Hair.
They have discovered a new mic
robe in New York and it is quite popu
lar among actors and society women.
It is called the chromophage, its spe
cial function being to turn the hair
gray at a comparatively early age. The
handsome actor who has those white
hairs on his temple that the women
admire so is full of the chromophages.
Baldheaded men are immune from the
mincrobes. He only attacks the hair,
and a man without hair need not wor
ry about the chromophage. For years
it was thought that a process of the
blood killed' the coloring matter of the
hair cells, but scalpologlsts in New
York combat that theory. They say
It is the chromophage. The microbe
does not like heat and for that reason
the woman who uses the curling tongs
Is less likely to have gray hair than
the one who puts her hair up in pa
pers. __________
Animals Do with Little Water.
There are some animals which rare
,y drink; for instance, the llamas, of
Patagonia, and certain gazelles of the
far east. A number of snakes, liz
ards and other reptiles live in places
devoid of water. A bat of western
America inhabits waterless plails. In
parts of Lozere, France, there are
herds of cows and goats which hardly
ever drink and yet produce the milk
for Roquefort cheese.
NO DAWDLING.
A Man of 70 After Finding Coffee Hurt
Him, Stopped Short.
When a man has lived to be 70 years
old with a 40-year-old habit grown to
him like a knot on a tree, chances are
he'll stick to the habit till he dies.
But occasionally the spirit of youth
and determination remains in some
men to the last day of their lives.'
When such men do find any habit of
life has been doing them harm, they
surprise the Oslerites by a degree of
will power that is supposed to belong
to men under 40 only.
"I had been a user of coffee until
three years ago-a period of 40 years
-and am now 70," writes a N. Dak.
man. "I was extremely nervous and
debilitated, and saw plainly that I
must make a change.
"I am thankful to say I had the
nerve to quit coffee at once and take
on Postum without any 8awdling, and
experienced no ill effects. On the con
trary, I commenced to gain, losing my
nervousness within two months, also
gaining strength and health otherwise.
"For a man of my age, I am very
well and hearty. I sometimes meet
persons who have not made their
Postumn right and don't like it. But I
cell them to boil it long enough, and
call their attention to my looks now,
and before I used it, that seems con
v ncing.
"Now, when I have writing to do,
or long columns of figures to cast up,
I feel equal to it and can get through
my work without the fagged out feel
ing of old." Name given by Postum
Co., Battle Creek, Mich. Read the
book, "The Road to Wellville," ia
pkgs. "There's a reason."

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