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The Donaldsonville chief. (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, December 01, 1906, Image 3

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TH IVNTIONS OF B -V NS
EDGAR.,FRANKLIN
THE CRANO-SCALE,
I had intended it for a peaceful, soli
tary walk *p town after business on
that beautiful Saturday afternoon; and
had In fact accomplished the better
part of it I was inhaling huge quan
tities of the balmy air ann reveling in
the exhilaration of the exercise.
But passing the picture store, I ex
perienced a queer sensation-perhaps
",hat feeling of impending evil" we
read about in the patent medicine ad
vertisements.
It may have been because I recalled
that in that very shop Hawkins had
demornctrated the virtues of his infalli
ble Lightning Canvas-Stretcher, and
thereby ruined somebody's priceless
and unpurchasable Corot.
At any rate my eyes were drawn to
the place as I passed; and like a
cuckoo-bird emerging from the clock,
out popped Hawkins.
"Ah, Griggs," he exclaimed. "Out
for a walk?"
"What were you doing in tiere?"
"Going to walk home?"
"Settling for that painting, eh?"
"Because if you are, I'll go with
you," pursued Hawkins, falling into
step beside me and ignoring my re
marks.
1 told Hawkins that I should be
tickled to death to have his company,
which was a lie and intended for bit
ing sarcasm; but Hawkins took it in
good faith and was pleased.
"I toll you, Griggs," he informed me,
"there's nothing like this early sum
mer air to fill a man's lungs."
"Unless it's cash to fill his pckets.'
"Eh? Cash?" said the inventor
"That reminds me. I must spend some
this afternoon."
"Indeed! Going to settle another
damage suit?"
"I intend to order coal," replied
Hawkins, frigidly.
He seemed disinclined to address me
further, and I had no particular yearn
ing to hear his voice. We walked on
In silence until within a few blocks of
home.
Thea Hawkins paused at one of the
cross streets.
"The coal yard is down this way,
Griggs," he said. "Come along. It
won't take more than five or ten min
utes."
"Now, the ides of walking down to
the coal yard certainly seemed com
monplace and harmless. To me it sug
gested nothing more sinister than a
super-heated Irish lady perspiring over
'Hawkins' range in the dog days.
At least, it suggested nothing more
at the time, and I turned the corner
with Hawkins, and walked on unsus
pecting.
Except that it belonged to a particu
larly large concern, the coal yard
which Hawkins honored by his patron
age was much like other coal yards.
The high walls of the storage bins
rose from the sidewalk, and there was
the conventional arch for the wagons,
and the little, dingy office beside it.
Into the latter Hawkins made his
way, while I loitered without.
Hawkins seemd to be upon good
terms with the coal people. He and
the rues in the office were laughing
genially.
Through the open window I heard
Hawkins file his order foF four tons
of coal. Later some one said: "Splen
did, Mr Hawkins, splendid."
Then somebody else said: "No,
there seems to be no flaw in any par
ticular."
And still later the first voice an
nounced that they would make the
first payment one week from to-day, at
which Hawkins' voice rose with a sort
of pompous joy.
I paid very little heed to the scraps
of conversation; but presently I paid
considerable attention to Hawkins, for
while he had entered the coal office
a well-developed man, he emerged ap
parently deformed.
His chest seemed to have expanded
something over a foot, and his nose
had attained an elevation that point
ed his gaze straight to the skies.
"Good gracious, Hawkins, what Is
it?" I asked. "Have they been inflat
ing you with gas in there?"
"I beg pardon?"
'What has happened to swell your
bosom? Is it the first payment?"
"Oh, you teard that, did you?" said
the inventor, with a condescending
smile. "Yes, Griggs, I may confess
to some slight satisfaction in that
payment. It is a matter of $1,000
from the coal people, you know."
"But what for? Have you threatened
to invent something for them, an
now are exacting blackmail to desist?"
"Tush, Griggs, tush!" responded
Hawkins. "Do make some attempt to
subdue that insane wit. I fancy you'l
feel rather cheap hearing that that
$1,000 is the first payment on some
thing I have invente4l"
"What!"
"Certainly. I am selling the patent
to these people. It Is toe Hawkins
Crano-Scale!"
"Crano-Scale?" I reflected. "What is
it? A hair tonic?"
"Now, that is about the deduction
your mental apparatus would make!"
sneered the inventor.
"But can it be possible that you
have constructed something that act
ually works?" I cried. "And you've
sold it-actually sold it?"
"I have sold it, and there's no 'act
ually' about It!"
And Hawkins stalked majestically
away through the arch and into the
yard beyond.
He Had No Vision For Colors
Bright Hues Without Significance for
the Poet Whittier.
It is well known that the poet Whit
tier was color blind, and unable to dis
tinguish red from green. He once
bought himself a necktie which he sup
posed to be of a modest and suitable
olive tint, and wore it-o- -e. He
never wore it again, for his friends
soon made him aware that it itfended
The idea of one of Hawkins' inven
tions actually in practical operation
was almost too wild for conception. He
must te heading for it; and if it ex
isted I must see it.
I followed.
Hawkins strode to the rear of the
yard without turning. About us on
every side were high wooden walls, the
storage bins of the company.
Up the side of one wall ran a ladder,
and Hawkins commenced the perpen
dicular ascent with the same matter
of-fact air that one would wear in
walking upstairs.
"What are you doing that for? Ex
ercise?" I called, when he paused
some 20 feet in the air.
"If you wish to see the Crano-Scale
at work, follow me. If not, stay where
you are," replied Hawkins.
Thea he resumed his upward course;
and having put something like 35
feet between his person and the solid
earth, he vanished through a black
doorway.
Climbing a straight ladder usually
sets my hair on end; but this one I
tackled without hesitation, and in a
very few seconds stood before the
door.
In the semi-darkness, I perceived
that a wide ledge ran around the wall
inside, and that Hawkins was standing
upon it, gazing upon the hundreds of
tons of coal below, and having some
thing the effect of the Old Nick him
self glaring down into the pit.
"There she is!" said the inventor,
laconically, pointing across the gulf.
9 4 40
4 56
4 F -6
" a s ý id1*! a
;~Iw I."
-a & --ý ý
"Fu TosNu!
I made my way to his side and
stared through the gloom.
Something seemed to loom up over
there.
Presently, as my eyes grew accus
tomed to the change, I perceived the
arm of a huge crane, from which was
suspended an enormous scoop.
"You mean that mastodonic coal
scuttle?" I inquired.
"Precisely. That's the Hawkins
Crano-Scale."
"And what does she do when she
er-crano-scales things, as it were?"
"You'll be able to understand in a
moment. That coal-scuttle, as you call
it, is large cnough to hold four tcns.
See? Well, the people in the yard
are going to want two tons of coal
very shortly. What do they do?"
"Take it out, weigh it, and send
it," i hazarded.
"Not at all. They simply adjust
the controlling apparatus to the two
ton point and set the Crano-Scale go
ing. The scoop dips down, picks up
exactly two tons of coal, and rises au
tomatically as soon as the two tons
are in. After that the crane swings
outward, dumps the coal in the wagon,
and there you have it-weighed and
all! It has been in operation here for
one month," Hawkins concluded, com
placently.
"And no one killed or maimed?
No Crano-Scale widows or orphans?"
"Oh, Griggs, you are- Ha! She's
starting!"
The Crano-Scale emitted an ear
piercing shriek. The big steel crane
was in motion.
I watched the thing. Gracefully the
coal-scuttle dipped into the pile of coal,
dug for a minute, swung upward
again. It turned, passed through a big
doorway in the side, and we could hear
the coal rattling into the wagon.
The Crano-Scale returned and swung
ponderously in the twilight.
igainst the traditional quietness of I
costume enjoined alike by the habits
f the Friends and by his own taste.
rhe tie was of flaming scarlet.
On another occasion, when he found
i little girl's distress on account of
t new gown, made over from her
,lder sister's, which was not becoming
o her coloring and cofplexion. he
ried to console her.
"I wouldn't mind what a rude bog
"There!" cried Hawkins, triumph
antly.
"It works!" I gasped.
"You bet it works!"
"But it must cost something to run
the thing," I suggested.
"Well-er-I'm paying for that part,"
Hawkins acknowledged, "until I've fin
ished perfecting a motor particular
ly adapted for the Crano-Scale, you
see."
I smiled audibly. I think that Hawk
ins was about to take exceptions to the
smile, but a voice from without
bawled loudly:
"Two-tons-nut!"
"Ah, there she goes again!" said the
inventor, rapturously.
This time the Crano-Scale executed
a sudden detour before descending. In
deed, the thing came so painfully near
to our perch that the wind was per
ceptible, and when the giant coal
scuttle had passed and dropped, my
heart was hammering out a tattoo.
"I con't believe this ledge is safe,
Hawkins."
"Nonsense."
"But that thing came pretty close."
"Oh, it won't act that way again.
Watch! She's dumping into the wag
on now! Hear it?"
"Yes, I hear it. I see just what a
beautitul success it is, Hawkins
really. Let's go."
"And now she's coming back!" cried
the inventor, his eyes glued to the re
markable contrivance. "Gbserve the
ease-the grace-the mechanical poise
-the resistless quality of the Crano
Scale's motion! See, Griggs, how she
swings!"
I did see how she was swinging. It
was precisely that which sent me near
er to the ladder.
The Crano-Scale was returning to
position, but with a series of erratic
swoops that seemed to close my
throat.
The coal-scuttle whirled joyously
about in the air-it was receding-no,
it was coming nearer! It paused for a
second. Then, making a bee-line for
our little ledge, it dived through the
air ward us.
"16ook out, there, Hawkins!" I cried,
hastily.
"It'` all right," said the inventor.
"But the cursed thing will smash
us flat against the wall!"
"Tush! The automatic reaction
clutch will-"
The Crano-Scale was upon us! For
the merest fraction of a second it
paused and seemed to hesitate; then it
struck the wall with a heavy bang;
then started to scrape its way along
our ledge.
The wretched contraption was bent
on shoving us off!
"What will we do?" I managed to
shout.
"Why - why - why - why - why
-" Hawkins cried, breathlessly.
"But, my course of action had been
settled for me. The scoop of the Crano
Scale caught me amidships, and I
plunged downward into the coal.
That there was a considerable de
gree of shock attached to my landing
may easily be imagined.
But small coal, as I had not known
before, is a reasonably soft thing to
faIl on; and within a few seconds I
sat up, perceived that I was soon to
order a new suit of clothes, and then
looked about for Hawkins.
He was nowhere in the neighbor
hood, and I called aloud.
says about it, Mary," he said, kindly.
"The looks very well indeed in it
like an oread, Mary, dressed all in
green."
I Unfortunately, Mary was not dress
1 ed in green. She was red-haired, and
her dress was red; that was the
trouble.
Once, on a day in mid-March, when
out walking with a friend, and deeply
engaged in conversation, Mr. Whit
"We-11?" came a voice from far
above.
"Where are you?"
"Hanging-to-the-scoop!" sang out
the inventor.
And there, up near the roof, I lo
cated him, dangling from the Crano
Scale coal-scuttle!
"What are you gang to do next?" I
asked, with some interest.
"I-I-I-can't-can't hang on long
here!"
"I should say not."
"Well, climb out and tell them to
lower the crane!" screamed Hawkins.
I looked around. Right and left, be
fore and behind, rose a mountain of
loose ceal. i essayed to climb nimbly
toward the door which the Crano-Scale
had used, and suddenly landed on my
hands and knees.
"Are-you-out?" shrieked Hawkins.
"I can't stick here!"
"And I can't get out!" I replied.
"Well, you-ouch!"
There was a dull, rattling whack be
side me; bits of coal flew in all di
rections. Hawkins had landed.
"Well!" he exclaimed, sitting up. "I
honestly believe, Griggs, that no man
was ever born on this earth with less
resourcefulness than yourself!"
"Whicn means that I should have
climbed out and informed the people
of your plight?"
"Certainly."
"Well, you try it yourself, Hawk
ins."
The inventor arose and started for
the door with a very convincing and
elaborate display of indomintable en
ergy. He planted his left foot firmly
t on the side of the coal pile - and
- found that his left leg had disappeared
in the coal in a highly astonishing and
undignified fashion.
"Humph!" he remarked, disgusted
ly, struggling free and shaking some
thing like a pound of coal from his
person. "Perhaps-perhaps it's more
solid on the other side."
"Try it."
"Well, it is better to try it and
fail than to stand there like a cigar
store Indian and offer fool sugges
tions!" snapped the inventor, making
a vicious attack at the opposite side
of the pile.
It really did seem more substantial.
Hawkins, by the aid of both hands,
i both teet, his elbows, his knees, and
possibly his teeth as well, managed to
r scramble upward for 'a dozen feet or
so.
But just as he was about to turn and
gloat over his success, the treacherous
coal gave way once more. Hawkins
went fiat upon his face and slid back
t to me, feet first.
When he arose he presented a re
markable appearance.
Light overcoat, pearl trousers, fancy
vest-all were black as ink. Hawkins'
classic countenance had fared no bet
ter. His lips showed some slight re
- semblance of redness, and his eyes
glared wonderfully white; but the rest
of his face might have been made up
for a minstrel show.
"Yes, it's devilish funny, isn't it?"
he roared, sitting down again rather
suddenly, as the coal slid again be
b neath his feet.
"Funny isn't the word. What's our
next move to be?"
"Climb out, of course. There must
be some place whe-e we can get a
foothold."
"Why not shout for help?"
tier approached too near for safety to
a place where blasting was going on.
The danger signal was shown, but
neither Friend noticed it, until a
workman, violently waving his arms
and shouting, leaped before them and
warned them back.
"I didn't see the flag at all," said
Mr. Whittier's companion.
"I saw It," rejoined the poet, with
a twinkle in his eye, "but I thought
It was in honor of St. Patrick-thee
knows my defect. I can't tell Erin
from explosions, except by the harp!"
"No use. Nobody could hear us
down here. Go on, Griggs. Make your
attempt. I've done my part."
"And you wish to see me repeat the
performance? Thank you. No."
"But it's the only way out."
"Then," I said, "I'm afraid we're
slated to spend the night here."
"Good Lord! We can't do that!"
"I have a notion, Hawkins," I went
on, "that we not only can, but shall.
You say we can't attract any one's at
tention, and I guess you're right.
Hence, as there is no one to pull us
out, Z.nd we can't pull ourselves out,
we shall remain here. That's logie,
isn't it?"
"It's awful!" exclaimed the invent
or. "Why, we may not get out to
morrow-"
"Nor the next day, nor the one after
that. Exactly. We shall have to wait
until this wretched place is emptied,
when they will find our bleaching
skeletons-if skeletons can bleach in
a coal bin."
Hawkins blinked his sable eyelids at
me.
"Or we might go to work and pile
all the coal on one side of the bin," I
contiaued. "It wouldn't take more than
a week or so, throwing it over by
handfuls; and when at last they found
that your crano-engine wouldn't bring
up any more from this side-"
"Aha!" cried the inventor, with sud
den animation. "That's it! The Crano
Scale!"
"Yes, that's it," I assented. "Away
up near the roof. What about it?"
"Why, it solves the whole problem,"
said Hawkins. "Don't you see, the next
time they need nut-coal, they'll set the
engine going and scoop-"
"Four-tons-nut, Bill!" said a far
away voice. "Yep! Four ton. Start
up the blamed machine!"
"What? What did he say?" cried
the inventor.
"Something about starting the en
gine."
'That's what I thought. Tney're go
ing to use the Crano-Scale. Griggs!
We're saved! We're saved!"
"I fail 'to see it."
"Why, when the thing comes down,
be ready. Ah-it's coming now! Get
ready, Griggs! Get ready! Be pre
pared to make a dash for it!"
"And then?"
"And then climb in, of course. There
won't be much room, for they're going
to take on four tons, and the thing
will be full; but we can manage it. We
can do it, Griggs, and be home in time
for dinner."
"And you're a fine-looking object to
go to dinner," I added.
Hawkins' countenance fell some
what, but there was no time for a
reply . The coal-scuttle of the Crano
Scale was hovering above us, evident
ly selecting a spot for its operations.
"Here! We're right under it!"
riawkins shouted. "This way, Griggs!
Quick! Lord! It's coming down-it'll
hit you! Quick!"
And I dived toward Hawkins as
he was struggling for a foothold, and
then
* * * *s * * *
A line of asterisks is the only way of
putting into print my state of mind
or absence of any state of mind-for
the ensuing quarter of an hour.
My first idea was that some absent
minded person had built a three-story
house upon my unhappy body; but I
was jcggling and bouncing up and
down, so that that hypothesis was
manifestly untenable.
The weight of the house was there,
though, and all about was stifling
blackness.
I tried to turn. It was useless. I
couldn't move.
The house had me pinned down hard
and fast.
M M masAe..sAe~ed
Writing a Business Letter
Where Many Writers Fall-Fault 01
Poor Manners.
"I know," said a business man of
wide experience, "how crowded with
studies the schools are now, and 1
should be loath to recommend the in
troduction of any new ones; but I do
wish sometimes that the boys and
girls who are giving time to so many
little fads could be induced to give
more to art of writing letters."
He did not refer to the mere art of
writing correct English or the art ol
writing an interesting personal letter,
but to the preparation of really good
business letters, in which the matter
in hand should be treated not only
clearly and concisely but also courts
ously.
The need he mentioned is one which
is felt by thousands of business men
and may well claim the attention of
young people of both sexes who look
forward to business life. The ability
to write intelligibly is not rare, but
the capacity to write in such, a way
as tf produce a pleasant personal feel
ing for the house one represents is
extremely rare.
Many writers fail in the matter of
courtesy-either in the way of con
stant omission of articles and constant
abbreviation, or, more commonly, in
neglecting to give the other man the
benefit of the doubt. In other words,
the fault with most business letters is
a fault of poor manners rather than
of mental deficiency.
"Never, in any circumstances, allow
your first letter, in a case of difference
to be harsh or discourteous," said a
business man to one of his clerks.
"No matter how much you think the
man has injured-us, give him the ben
efit of the doubt. Assume that he has
made a mistake rather than that he
Taste That Age Withers
According to a member of the
candy-loving sex there is no sadder
evidence of age in a woman than be
ing able to pass a bonbon shop with
out being tempted by the wares.
"When a woman can do this," she
says, "she is frankly middle-aged.
During your school days chocolates
are a recognized necessity of exist
ence. During the early bud period of
matinee hero worship they are indis
Then I wriggled frantically, and
something near me wriggled frantically
as well. Then one of my. hands struck
something that yielded, and there came
a muffled voice trom somewhere in the
neighborhood.
"Griggs!" it said.
"Yes?"
W-w-w-where are we? This isn't
the coal bin. Are you hurt?"
"I give it up. Are you?"
"I think not. Why, Grigs, this must
be one of the big coal carts!"
"I shouldn't wonder," I assented.
vaguely.
"But-how-"
"You- miserable coal-scuttle must
have stunned us, picked us up and
dumped us in with the coal!" I ex
claimed, suddenly enlighted.
"'Do-you-think," came through the
blackness. "Huh! It's stopped!"
For a long, long time, as it seemed,
there vas silence. The weight of coal
pressed down until I was near to
madness. Hawkins was grunting pain
fully.
I was speculating as to whether he
was actually succumbing-whether I
could stand the strain myself for an
other minute-when everything began
to slide. The coal slid, I slid, Haw
kins slid-the world seemed to be
sliding!
We landed upon the sidewalk. We
struggled and beat and threshed at the
coal, and finally managed to rise
out of it-pitch black, dazed and bat
tered.
And the first object which confront
ed us was the home of Hawkins! We
had been delivered at his door, with
the four tons of nut coal.
"They'll have to sign for us on the
driver's slip,"e I remembered saying
That person let off a shriek and
vanished. down the street. Then the
door of the Hawkins home opened, and
Mrs. Hawkins emerged, followed by
my wife.
That numerous things were said
need not be stated. Mrs. Hawkins said
most of them, and they were numer
ous.
Mrs. Griggs limited herself to ruin
ing a $50 gown by weeping on my
coal-soiled shoulder as she implored
me never again to tread the same
street with Hawkins.
It was a solemn moment, that; for
I saw the light. I realized how many
bumps and bruises and pains and duck
ings and scorchings might have been
spared me, had I taken the step earlier.
But it is never too late to mend. Prob
ably I had still a few years In which
to enjoy life.
I turned to Hawkins-a chopfallen,
cowering huddle of filth, standing
upon two pearl-and-black legs-and
said:
"Hawkins, when in the course of
human events it becomes necessary for
one man to sever those friendly bands
which have connected him with an
other, and so to assume a station apart,
a decent respect for the opinions of the
latter usually make it necessary to de
clare the cause of that separation. It
is so in this case. You know mighty
well what you've put me through in
the past. There's no need of going
into it.
"But this Crano-Scale business is my
limit-my outside limit," I went on,
"and you've passed it. If you ever at
tempt to address another word to me,
or ride in the same elevated train, or
even sit in the same theater, I'll
have you arrested as a suspicious per
son-and locked up for life, if money'll
do it! Hawkins, henceforth we meet
as strangers!"
And Hawkins, piloted by the un
happy woman who bears his name,
walked up the steps, turned and stared
stupidly at me, and then stumbled into
the house and out of my life-forever.
(Copyright, 1906, by W. G. Chapman.)
nas misrepresented. To take the other
course is to enter a blind alley. You
may have to turn around to get out
of it."-Youth's Companion.
Rain, Air Purifier.
An Englishman named John Aiken
has for many years made a study of
the solid impurities found in the at
mosphere.> He invented apparatus for
counting the number of dust particles
in a cubic inch of air, thus making it
possible to institute comparisons be
tween the condition of air at various
elevations and In a single place at dif
ferent times. While he was making
some meteorological observations with
his dust counter on the Eiffel tower, at
Paris, recently, a heavy thunder
shower occurred. Before the rain the
number of dust particles was large
and showed that the impure air of the
city came up in great quantities to the
top of the tower. After the shower
the number of dust particles was so
far reduced that the air finally became
as free from dust as any that Mr.
Aiken ever tested on the mountain
tops of Switzerland. This Increase In
purity is ascribed to the "dragging
down" of the upper air to the level of
the top of the Eiffel tower, for the
reason that "rain cannot wash the air
to anything like that purity."
A Chaser.
"Do you think all those city folks
will come to visit us this summer?"
said the farmer.
"No, there's no danger," said his
wife. "I've just written them that
we've gone Into the bee business."
Detroit Free Press.
Prudence.
"I am going to have my hands In
sured," said the eminent pianist.
"Don't do it," answered his man
ager. "Your hands do not constitute
your most valuable asset. Have your
hair insured."-Washington Star.
pensable to the enjoyment or a per
formance. When your mouth does not
water at the mere idea of a caramel
or a marshmallow begin to search for
the first gray hair."
Looks for Disastrous Earthquakes.
Prof. Gregory, of the Yale geolopl.
cal department, says the San Francis
co earthquake will be repeated with
universal disastrous results.
LIFE'S DAILY ROUND
MULTIFARIOUS DUTIES OF THE
HOUSEKEIPER.
Much of Work Required Is a Labor of
Love, But Should Be Lightened
Whenever Possible-Reliable
Washing Fluid.
In these days of specialization the
housekeeper is about the only one -left
undisputed "Jack of All Trades."
Every boy and girl leaving school has
it drummed into them that they must
choose one thing and make the most
of it, if they would reach the top.
Every maid coming from the other
side, green as the turf she has left,
scorns general housework, acting on
the advice of her friends and the em
ployment agencies, and stands boldly
out for specialization as cook, wait
ress or laundress.
There are women, brilliant, ad
vanced ones, who are boldly advocat
ing the revolt of "mother," claiming
that she can do more for her own and
the world at large if relieved from
the thousand and one petty avocations
that go to make up the grand sum
total in the daily round. These stand
for a central nursery, a central kitch
en, a central infirmary, a central laun
dry, and so on to the end of the chap
ter of housewifely avocations. While
there is much to commepd i[ this
much exploited new departure, the
most of us have the home instinct so
well developed that in spite of weari
ness of flesh, we still prefer to stand
for our own fire upon the hearth, our
own table where love goes into the
making of each dish, our own nursery
where we can cuddle our own babies,
and, above all, the care of our own
when sickness comes. There are
many things that may be done outside
the home with advantage to all con
cerned. Among these the heavy laun
dry work, where strength is limited
and help cannot be procured, stands
first. In most large cities now there
are central laundries that take fam
ily washes for 35 cents a dozen, min
gling all the plain pieces, such as
tablecloths, pillow cases, sheets and
towels, returning the others rough
dry, but starched ready for ironing.
Managing in this way all the large
pieces can be done outside the house,
leaving the tittle palrticular things to
wash at home.
This is really a very fascinating part
of housework, and when brains are
put into it becomes a fine art, like
embroidery or millinery.
A reliable washing fluid is a great
lightener of labor. Here is the recipe
for one that has been used in the
same home for 30 years. Used ac
cording to directions it is warranted
not to injure the most delicate fabric.
Dissolve one pound concentrated
potash in six quarts warm soft water.
When cool add one-half ounce salts of
tartar, and one-half ounce crude dry
a~mmonia. Put into a jug or large
bottle and cork tightly. This will
keep any length of time. When ready
to wash, put on the boiler with a suds
made of any good laundry soap, allow
ing to every three pails of water a
half cup of the washing fluid. Put In
the clothes that are least soiled, boll
ten minutes, take out and wash
through fresh water In the usual way,
rubbing any soiled spots that may re
main. They will come out like magic.
Meantime be boiling the second batch
of clothing. Rinse in clear water,
then in blue, and when dry the clothes
will be found snowy white. If pre
ferred the clothes may be soaked over
night in a warm suds with a quarter
teacup of the fluid added to each tub,
but this is not necessary.
He Never Hove "Gampy."
"Gampy" Butterfield of East Vas
salboro, Me., was a shrewd horse
trader to the day of his death. Hie
was slightly deaf, and used his deaf
ness in his business to no small de
gree.
One day he sold an old horse to a
neighboring farmer, who thought he
had found a great bargain. He
changed his mind, however, when, a!
ter driving his new purchase a few
miles the beast emitted a series of
explosions, strongly resembling the
exhaust of a locomotive.
Straightway he drove back to "Gain
py," who was sharpening a knife in
his dooryard, his son Abner turning
the grindstone. The disgruntled pur
chaser began a long tirade, which was
perfectly audible to the old man, who,
however, simulated great deafness and
finally remarked, "Hay?"
"You're a skin!"~ howled his neigh
bor.
"Hay?"
"I say you're a skin: This hoss 's
got the heaves!"
"Hay?"
"He's got the heaves! Heaves,
heaves, heaves!"
The old man looked at him calmly.
Then, indicating his son, he said gent
ly, 'Never hove me. Hove Abner
once."
Uses for Bran Water.
Bran water is the best of agencies
for cleaning fine colored muslins, like
organdies.
As a carpet cleaner bran slightly
dampened, thrown on the carpet, and
then thoroughly swept out, is unex
celled. Removes all dust and, being
damp, prevents dust from flying.
To cleanse light-colored furs heat
bran and rub Into fur with hands, then
with perfectly clean brush beat and
brush every particle of bran from the
fur.
To dry patent leather or other shoes
heat a pan of bran in the oven .until
quite warm, pour this into the shoes,
filling to the top, wipe the outside
with a dry cloth and rub into the
.eather vaseline or sweet oil and let
stand until dry.
Sometimes.
"What I want," said the young man,
"is to get married and have a peace
ful, quiet home." "Well," said Farmer
Corntossel, "sometimes it works that
way, and then again, sometimes it's
like joinin' a debating society."-Mel
bourne Weekly Times.
He Was Losing Money.
Bridegroom (peevishly, to his bride!
Don't leave me alone With your
papa again before he get to church.
He has already knocked 500 crowns
off your dowry.-Bombe.

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