Newspaper Page Text
WHISTLE THEM AWAY.,
Havo you any rctty carat, boys?
Whistle than away.
There's nothing cheers the spirits,
Like a merry roundelay.
No matter Cor the headaches,
'Neatfa sill; or hodden-gray.
For the snko <-f tleve who love yon.
Just whistle them away.
'Tis strange how BOOH friends gat ha
About a cheerful face;
rbnt smiling eyes ami lips count more
Tlmii beauty, wealth, or grace;
But I have Ken it tried. Ihws.
When troubloooaios to stay.
The brave heart leaps to work, and strivos
To whistle it away.
Thon an you eHinb life's hill, boys,
Put made in your toll,
Turn to your traitor trial
a whistle far a foil;
Be steadfast la the ri>;i>t. t> >>??-,
Wliate'er t'uo world may say,
Temptations never conquer thosa
Who whistle them uway I
?Hary A. Ueniton, in Youth's ?jm Jiaruon
FEARLESSNESS
f.V Itosi: II. bATiinop
"Gcnoviove Chamberlain is too silent."
remarked Hall Balkan. "When she
comes into the room I feel as if I wanted
to shake a secret out ?f her perfect
mouth; tint, as she is very dainty and
very beautiful. I don't realty doit."
The young woman who sal near him
as he spoke, painting fancy work, and
who could not i|uile compete with a great
beauty, thought that Balkan was show?
ing oil, being irritated by Ocnevieve's
apparent indifference and was trying lo |
console himself by grumbling at ln-r, nl
though he would have been very critical
of any one else who dared to do so. This ?
young woman, who could n lhct intelli- i
gently, was. nevertheless, a perfect child 1
iu guilelcssiii >s. She could stand i:i
judgment over |>coplc, as u child docs,
and cause no antagonism at any rale, in
a nature as jniuemiui as her own. Sin
was the sort ilf ijirl who would remain
sweet and naive as an old woman.
Nellie Fealhcrlj looked round nl Bal?
kan, in a moment, ami responded:
"Now, there is nothing mysterious ;
about inc."
"YouJ I should think not! You arc I
so fearless, straightforward and uinus- I
ing." I
??You have not i|uite illusion enough
about me, I think." Nellie [touted over,
her satin scarf, which was hurst im.; into
Qowcr and leaf. "You have mode me
out just um- nf the ordinary. Useful t is,,
nie-aside kind of wm leu, aud. although
you arc right, 1 do hate to hear the fuel ,
repeated."
?'I don't ear.- what you think of your- ;
self or how you construe tny appreciation
of you," answered Balkan, saucily. "I j
am perfectly, ciintent with enjoying your
traits and sitting where ynil paint."
Nellie, wenl on busily, with a do/., n |
pretty iittituiliM .md motion., ami a rather i
dissatisfied expression of countenance.
Whether it washer work nr her words |
which annoyed her. Balkan was not sure.
"That's exquisite, and no mistake," ;
he went on, peering over at the drawing
board 0:1 her knees, upon which tin- satin I
wes :;'-. t -heil.
"Ol:, niesle don't say pretty things," I
Nellie cried, "Somehow, you seeui in-i
sincere to-tiny 1"
"I? My dear Miss Kc.ilherly, I ?hould
no! hcsiiate to tell the truth, rather than
prevatieatc. To he quite honest, I would
tell you the truth about lutything iu the
world you could ask me; though with I
?others I might lie as silent a. Oenevicve,
instead of confeJsing to actualities."
'-. "If I ever want to as!; you anything 1 I
will remember this." the young amateur
rejoined, with the nicest .miles into Bid
kaa'searnest tare.
Cecil Mortnii sauntered iu rons the room,
during tilt; little pau-e cusiliug and said
that the day was tint good for slaying in
the house. Why not go to walk lielo-.c
dinner} The young people, eight when ?
ill told, were visiting some dear old '
country gentlefolks to whom Nellie was 1
nearly related, and who had ask'-d them
out of town for a week of sleighing, and
other winter fun, the snow being in hei?
ter condition than for years past. That
evening they were to go sleighing by
ynoonlighl and if was supcr-cnergctic for
Morton to talk of walking. But we all
know how these resile.-., people of energy
or muscle mat us out of little busy lete-n
tctesand fireside luxury. Neither Nellie
nor Balkan wished to In- stigmatized as
loth tocxetrisc and so they rushed out of
the parlor ;n ibid the others ami (jet well
wrapped up against a cnnlish ramble;
while Cecil Morion smiled to himself iu a
mirror tu think of thecomtnotiou he could
effect at will.
Nellie and Qcncvicvc paired off, in
lentioually, as the group left the hull
door ton minutes later. Something agi?
tated Nellie's beautiful friend, as the for?
mer was aide to discover through girlish
intimacy, which is a very deep thing in?
deed, (lencvieve's face looked calm and
pale as she said, in a low, rather tragic
voice, lo the affectionate girl beside her:
"My heart is almost breaking. I am
SO wretched, and so surprised. To think
of it! Never have I loved before, and
every one always on their knees to inc.
And now, the very one who absorbs my
thought?cold, cold, cold!"
"Don't he silly. Ih n. You're so Iii. d
up at Hading any one you can lieeomc ro?
mantic over, that you an- as blind as a
hickory nut. beside being dreadfully
awkward when he's around. Moreover.
Hall Balkan is pcr.'cctly splendid?so
handsome and so manly I 1 don't wondor
wonder you like him tremendously. And
the idea of his not coming under your
spell! As for me. I just know he thinks
you are irresistible, I know you arc iu
his mind"?
"You love me, and fry to think mo a
vanquisher ot all hearts, no matter how
brave ami free," murmured Gcnevievc.
"But my former conquests have uot been
all-convincing, because Mr. Balkan is
really the only true, line person of envia?
ble position anil means whom I ever met
in our set. There sccin to he a thousand
foolish bachelors to otic downright
hero!"
"1 think Hall is a fine fellow." Nellie
again admitted, softly, thrusting her lit
tlo hand upon Genevievc'a arm for a few
steps, anil then stopping her arbitrarily,
and letting the others catch up with
them. "How far north we seem!" slu
then exclaimed. "I am sure the Arct.ii
8ca is over that hill of pines by the
meadow. Ribbons of white cloud am;
this exhilarating atmosphere make nu
feel as if I were somebody else! Oh, w?
are explorers. Is that a Polar hear or t
snow drift?" she concluded, pointing tc
a white bauked gale post by thu catth
laue.
Cecil Morion tried to shuffle Mio little
party in such a way that he woulil come
next to Ocneriovc; but she evaded him,
by sheer force of desperation. And, as
luck would have it, Hall Balkan came up
to her with his line, hearty good cheer,
ami naked her to walk with him as far as
a wide-spreading elm at a considerable
distance down tire high road; and Keltic
Kcatherly heard him say it. A damask
flush all over (icnevieve's face made
? Balkan glanco round lo see if the sunset
had begun yet; imt the West was as gray
as a flag-stone. Oonevieve was willing,
and they started oil at a huge pace,
which the rest tried to imitate; but nut
j too well, as every one of the girls
thought that Balkan wanted to propose
to his companion, and determined to Icl
him have a chance.
At last the two figures in advance
stopped miller the delicate tracery of the
great, hare elm tree, and seemed to be
talking earnestly. Then a cry went up
from Nellie IVatlicrly, for Gcneviovc had
sunk to the ground, evidently ill II faint,
and Belkan kneeled at her side.
"The walk was too rapid for her," ex- |
claimed Nellie, off-hand. "Oh, Mr.
Morton, why must you always be asking
us t.i gn for constitutionals; they'll be
the death of us!" And Nellie, whom no
one had ever si en really provoked before,
gave him a cross glance; and then went
<m a run. accompanied by the reproved
Morion. toward her flii lid, while
the others followed more or less ar?
dently.
I As faithful Nellie ran, she discerned a
I strange, black cloud rolling toward them
J all. dowi; the snowy road. Soon lie*
i motion of two prancing horses became
apparent; and as Nellie reached Ueno
vicve's prostrate form, in the iniddle of
the road, over which Balkan was bend
illg in absorbed dismay, the plucky girl
I realized that a runaway team was in full
swing :iL a few yards' distance, and unite
\ unobserved by any one hut herself ami
Cecil Morton, who shouted to Nellie to
have II care and jump aside.
But this Nellie n-ver thought of do?
ing. On she ran, beyond Gcneviovc,
w hose danger was so imminent?and
what could she do In avert, the danger I
In her mud was a ball of snow, which
had been reduced by careful manipula?
tion (under Morion's instructions) to an
icy consistency; capable, as her teacher
had explained, of killing anybody, if]
rightly aimed. II is by no means easy to
swerve the direction of a maddened I
i horse. But one of these was running I
away because the other wanted to, and |
he vet retained some common-sense. At .
any rale. Nellie drew forth her icy bull |
iu a 1 winkling, and hurled it. by good |
luck, at the saner horse (fur they were
now close at hand) with such splendid
vigor and true aim that it hit him furi
| ously ou the nose, lie plunged aside,
slipped on the hard (trust of the old snow
beside 111" road, and keeled over, carry
in;; his rampant male with him into the
' ditch. They were a powerful team be
I longing to Nellie's uncle, and were drag?
ging an empty wood-sledge. Their
driver was liallooing in the distance, as
I he ran w earily along.
1 Nellie pondered a moment over the j
success of her defense and gazed at the
rpiiVering limbs of the foe, and then
tinned back to Ociicvicvc, panting. Tho
j girls were on the bank at the other side
of the road.
Meantime, Balkan had but just, looked
up, realized the peril ami caught t'.ene
| vieve in his amis, while Morton threw
his weight wildly upon the young man's
struggling shoulders. It is always in
some such way I lint a person weak in
emergencies assists the real actors.
So swiftly do runaway horses proceed
thai it only seemed an instant since (leu- '
cvlcve had fainted.
Now nil the girls swooped down from J
their perch helpfully, and surrounded j
their pah- friend, whose swoon was so
much in earnest that .-.lie had not stirred
an eyelash. Nellie seized Balkan's hand
and told him she must speak with him
instantly.
??Did ynit offer yourself?" she severely
demanded, when she had led him, per?
emptorily, nut nf hearing of the others.
"No." lie gasped, gazing blankly, as a
man does who is confronted with more
Creek than he is prepared for.
"Didn't you propose f" exclaimed NVI
| lie. in the same indignant tone, which
showed Balkan that he was a criminal.
; whichever way In- pleaded.
"Do explain!" ho quavered, gontly.
'; But Nellie was off to Goncvicvc with
impertinent haste, kneeling down at her
'. side, calling fur soft snow from under a :
drift and ruhhing the beauty's temples
and lip- with it. while she explained to
Morton how to got Gencviovc's hands
! warm; much la his satisfaction, for she
' did not object lo his covering them with
j kis.es.
j The teamster came up. and Nellie
found lime to scold him for his stupidity.
"I know you by sight, Jim," she said.
I ??Bui that shan't save you. (So you shall
from my uncle'.- service!"
j "But", Miss!"
"No 'huts'! You might have killed a
dozen people, you goose!"
"As true as I live. Miss, I've always
j heard ns how horses will run in winter,
I when the moon is near the full, as
its been proved this day! So crisp like
' everywhere, Miss, what can you expect
' id them."
"Swear you'll never leave your horses
j without tying them tight." commanded
Nellie, haughtily.
"IVith I'll swear Arilin I'm out of your
, prisince, Miss!" dim humbly answered,
j The horses were unhitched from thn
sledge, and the young people undertook
, to drag (lencvicve home, which the stout
? 1 poles at the sides of the conveyance ns
j sisted them lo accomplish, as the girls
? j could lake hold of them and propel,
; while the young men dragged the cum?
brous concern. The fair invalid was pil?
lowed on muffs und covered with new
; markets, and was pleased to revive nicely.
It was first sunset und then deep dusk
when the catafalque slowly reached
i I home.
i It may he supposed thai dinner was a
I little late that evening,
j Nellie came into the parlor before the
others, looking lovely, in still another
of her Worth dresses, and Balkan was
waiting for her, ready to pounce.
: Nellie's eyes, which looked unusually
? big and bright, because she had been ery
? ing all to herself, tilled again with tears.
, She edged away into the anteroom, ami
i he followed.
? "I meant," she. replied, soto vocc,
? "that when you love her, and when she
? loves you, and when you come out into
I ; the 'backwoods' and have plenty of op
> portunitics, and when we arc all looking
? on from a respectful distance, it is pcr
v fectly stupid of you not to offer yourself
, to Gcncvicvc, and I should have fainted
; and died both if I had been in her
tihu'c I She showed great self-control no
to till VC died. You liail no business to ,
stipulate tin: tree, anyhow, for of course j
she would expect everything to lie set?
tled before she got there. Oh! of course |
you thiuk ma outrageous to meddle with
you lllld talk riidit out us if I wem it |
novel, without respect of persons und
open secrets; but I'm nobody in partiell- I
lar, mid I will love Ucnoviovo und put my
llngor into her iiiliilra If I like to! And
I'il just mid this: that I'm going to ar?
range to have you both driven by the
coachman to-night in the big sleigh,
while we arc apportioned olf *<> little cul?
lers. Tun driver's seat is way up."
"Hut, my dear MissKcalhcrby?-".Nel?
lie-"
"Now. don't be disrespectful. t)l
course I can only ask for an outward show
of respect nfter telling you to offer your?
self lo my dearest friend, whom wo all
know (goose) yon arc hoping lo win; but
that show of courtesy I stipulate for."
"But how ci i I ask Miss Chamberlain
in mnrriago it I love you;"' B?lkau ?
U|0ucxcd in. dcsjii lately.
N. llie sat down on the arm of a cllldl ;
ami lookeil up at him ngliast, blushing
ami appealing.
"Oh, you can't be in love with me!''
sin- panted.
"I wish you would not, he SO scornful,"
ho answered. "You ought to have known
il. Mouths ago, I was crazy about i
Uciiuvievc, like the rest; but only for ill
week, for then I met you. A iiuiii don't
Sit staring all 'lay III a irirl unless lie dotes !
on her! While I stare nt you, your utler
indifference to me is something nppnlling;
but 1 hall hoped lo will you in the end.
Then you lake me by the the tbroal,yaiik
nie in front of somebody else, with
orders, martial in their basic, und now
east me into a perfect sen of premature
?less; for, of course, you'll spurn my all
imhendded revelation. Mm I'm m
obstinate as von are, anil love you I will,'
by .love!" Balkan sal down on another
cbnir-ami, and being trim ns a marble
statue for dinner, and mil luivillg time to
brush his hairagllill if he Ion- it n little,
thrust bis thumbs in his |iockcls and
glared at the (Ire.
A filial rustle of heavy silk nl his
elbow in.nie him feel CXIlltllllt.
"If sue consenls to il, you might pro?
pose to me. then, in the Kussinn sleigh!"!
lie turned, and tin- little erenture'tl
superb eyes ntcl his. lb- crillgllt her j
hands, ami studied her face with blissful;
care.
"I thought I was of no great account, j
she murmured, all of a tremble; ami wasi
suddenly kissed in a way that made her !
feel that for the future sin- hail some one
to giuird her against all Ictnh, and give]
her nil the Imnpiiiesj she could wish lor. j
?the Intk^mleut.
Shanghai Police.
Tin- first sight of Shanghai is only its I
lirsi surprise. As I was roliiug away t-ij
the hotel thu'rickshaw ciMiiic turncilnn]
to the right-hand side of the road.
Instantly a familiar figure slopped oil j
the sidewalk ami shook a warning linger
and the coolie swung back again lo the
left side It was a policeman, no semi
Kuro|M!iiniscd Mongolian languidly per
fonning a lialf-undenitond duty, ns 1 had
seen elsewhere, but the genuine home
article, helmet, bine sail, silver buttons,
regulation boots. Iriuichcon and all?just
??bobby," write- Henry Norman in (he
Philadelphia Time*. And his uplifted
finger turns the traffic lo the left in
Bluingbiil precisely :us it docs in trout ot
the Aslor House at hone.-.
A hundred yards further on there was
a flash of scarlet in Hie sun and there
stood a second astonishing iioure?n six
fool, copper-colored Sikh, topped by a
hugo red turban, and clad also in blue
anil armed with the same truncheon,
striding solemnly by on his beat. Then
we pass the Chinese policeman, with Iiis
little saucer hat of red bamboo and his
white gaitur, swinging a diminutive stall,
a reduced and rather comical replica of
Iiis bio; Kurdish and Indian comrades.
Then ns we cross the bridge into the
Kreuch concession?I ain on my way to
the French hotel?here is positively the
Sergen ill de villi-, absolutely thu same as
you sec him in the place do I'Opera?
peaked Clip, waxed mustache, luiggy red
trousers, sabre and revolver. And be?
yond him again is Hie Frenchified Chinese
policemen. In fact,Shanghai is guarded I
municipally by no fewer than six distinct
species of policemen?Kllglish, Sikh,
Anglo-Chinese, French. Franco-Chinese
and the hmg-lcgg.:d mounted Sikhs on
sturdy while ponies, who clank their
long swords around the outskirts of the
town and carry terror into the turbulent
Chinese quarters.
'? Keeper of the Great Seal."
The fact that we have a "Lord Chan?
cellor," or "Keeperof the Great Seal" of
the Uniteil Mtntss, is probably not gener?
ally known. His name is George Bartlc.
lie was born in Virginia, and was ap?
pointed to a clerkship in the State De?
partment from Virginia by Daniel Web
later forty-three years ago. lie is a little
withered up old man of pleasantly cour?
teous manners, us befits a Virginia gen?
tleman of the old school, but so secretive,
partly by nature and partly by the bnbit
acquired during tin- forty-three years of
confidential service. Unit none of his fel?
low clerks ventures lo ask him even the
lime of ilny without presenting htm with
a written requisition from his superior
officers authorizing him to give the in?
formation, lie has sob- charge of the
great seal of the United State.-., and the
Secretary of Slate himself cannot induce
him lo unlock I'm- doors which guard
that emblem of the country's liberties
without a formal warrant signed by the
i President of the United States.?Sew
York Htur.
How Ihn Varls Exhibition Closes,
The exhibition closes nt night in thd
following manner: The gates are all
shut at 10:30 o'clock r. m. , when the
cannon on the Klffcl tower is tired fit
Hint hour to announce the fact. At 11 :1:1
o'clock two drummers bent the tatoo in
the gardens, while 200 policemen and
fifty municipal guards, carrying lanterns,
gradually clear the crowd off the groundi
toward the Jean bridge, where the onlj
exit is found. By 11:30 o'clock tin- ex?
hibition is empty, and nil trespasser!
found inside after that hour are arrested.
Policemen patrol the place all night, and
firemen hold themselves in readiness to
start at any moment should an nlurm be
given.
A Summer Song.
Some go Lo the mountains,
Amt sonn- to the son,
And some stay nt homo
'Ncath thoir own fig trect
And I'm a mosquito,
Ho happy und freo,
With nothing to do.
But to do thorn alt throo?
And you bet
I will.
?Wcuhington Critic.
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS BKKTCHKS FROM
VARIOUS SOUHOKS.
Hm n Moment?Knew Wltai HoWniit.
ctl- Kully Answered -AThoujelit
i'nl Aftern ?Triivlicniwosity?
Tnkon nt Her IVoitt.Ki?.
I Raw her hut a moment
Beneath the apple tree,
There wax no one t<> listei.
No eye* were there to we
I heard her ?oft vote* singing
Hur song vvns utluof love;
Her bright uy ex scorned to borrow
Light from titu stars above.
1 siiw hor buf it moment,
As'mmtb Uiotrao slie tat;
I threw n |M>ker at her
t,she was my neighbor's cat).
tlek* Vc-t/p.
KMt'.V WHAT HB WAJiTBO.
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
asked .Mrs. t'limso tenderly, when her
husband was sulicring from seasickness.
"What do you want .'"
"I want tin- earth,"gasped Cuuiso, as
he again leaned over the rail.?j\Vte York
SUH.
fl.l.l.v AXStt KRKD.
Teacher?"Whocan giveiuo the names
of three animals that live iu Africa?"
Little Marry ? "1 eon, sir."
Teacher- "Very well, do so."
Little Ihirry?"Two monkeys and a
parrot."
A TIIOUUIITKI 1. AiiKXT.
Mrs. Younghusbnud?"This girl is too
young for a nurse. She is hardly talk r
than the baby Itself."
Madame O'Kourke (of the Continental
KlU|lloyilient Agency) "Sure then, mnd
31111, if she drops the baby it won't have
so far to fall."?/?'liegende UtiuUer.
Tltli'K (iltXK.UOSITV.
Mrs. Blinkers?"Well,did you go to
the doctor to see lllmul that llCC Stlllg oil
litt le Johnny ;"
Mr. Blinkers?"Yes. be said we should
put mud on it. lie charged me two dol?
lars for the prescription, hut In- gave me
the mud for nothing." ? Arm York
Weekly.
takkx AT iiKit WolMi.
"And Oh, Uncle Silas, I had such a
lovely lime last summer. Foiir Other
Yassar girls ami my self took a tramp
through the Cntskill)."
"Uin-in-m! But do you believe, Klizn
bcth, that the tramp enjoyed it?"?Thar.
aktkii tii'-: quAitnr.i..
Mother- -" Now.girls,as you've linishcrl
your daily ipinrrel, suppose you go cud
cat sonic dinner."
Arabella (sarcastically)?"Oh, I sup
pose you want us to swallow our feud."
?Life.
nkoi.kctimi Ills iiltv.
"I think the man in the moon must lie
sick or la/.y," said Johnny Tmddles one
dark moonless nigh'."
"Why, my hoy.'" asked his mot her.
'?Because he hasn't lit her up to-night."
?Uaiar.
DRCIDKOI.V ItKAI.ISTIC
Mrs. Klippcrtnorc (to watchmaker who
knows hut. littic about gems)?"Mr.
Pixoni, T have a very line catseye. I tow
would you advise- nie to have it set'"
.Mr. Pixoni?"I nOitld lix it on a littic
mouse."?Jeirelcr* Weekly.
SIMPLE AltlTIIM?TrC.
"What is the diilerenee between these
tCU-ecnl cigars and the; twenty-live eent
brand?" asked nn innocent customer of
the honest dealer.
"Fifteen cents, sir," said the. honest
dealer, with a sigh.?Somereille Journal.
ClltC?MSTAXCB* AI.TBII casks.
Prudish and Homely Sister?"You
i ought cot look iu the mirror so much. It
I gives one the idea that you are vain. 1
never do it as much as you."
Pretty Sister- -"Iwouldn't either, if I
were in your place. I don't, like to
mortify myself."?Yankee Blade.
a CAYIXli .loll.
"Who is that fellow 1 saw you speaking
with;"
"Oh, that is Brown; splendid work?
man; commands a big salary."
"What's his business?"
"lie is head cutter in Snipper's misRl
I tailoring establishment."?Boston Tran
j script.
-
now iik was cAcoirr.
Outcast?"Please, mum, could you
I ucip an unfortunate man who was caught
in an elevator and laid up for SIX months?"
old Lady?"Poor man; here's a dollar
for you. How did you happen to get
caught!"
Pocketing the dollar?"The police
wuz too quick for me, muni."?V'rne.
no umso!
"Grandpa," asked Gcorgie, who fond?
ly believed his aged grandparent was a
Revolutionary hero, "how many 11 riI is)i
ers diil you kill I"
"Oh, about seventy-live," replied the
I old man, desiring to humor the boy.
I"Pohl what was the matter with you;
were you too tired to light?"?Knar.
KS l-'A.MM.i.K.
I Visitor?"Oh, Miss Smith, what can
j bp the matter.' Hear those fiendish yells
of laughter in the next room."
Miss S.?"That's my brother; lie's a
j poet; he is reading his tragic verse."
IVisitor?"But the laughter?"
Miss S.?"That's my younger brother,
listening to it."?lijtorh.
what TltKV wem-: Domo.
First Barnstormer?"Don't, them jays
never get enough of a good thing? I'd
think that after the curtain had been
down ten minutes they would know
enough to let up on tlrcir applause."
Second Barnstormer (who had been
there before)?"You sucker, they ain't
applauding, they're killing mosquitoes."
nKOINNINO OF THE TKOlllll.K.
Police Judge?"Did yon see the be?
ginning of this trouble?"
Witness?"Yes, sir; I saw the very
commencement. It was about two years
ago."
Police. Judge?"Two years ago?"
Witness?"Yes, sir. The minister
said, 'Will you take this man to be ytwr
lawful husband?' and she said, 'I wiH.' "
?Nebraska State Journal.
vbkt nick.
Visitor?"How arc the young couple
coming on?"
Mother-in-law ? "Splendidly. Just
think of it. My KOU-IU-law bus got a
position in a dynamite factory with u
salary of $7~> a week, an<l if hogctsbluwn
up my daughter Laura gets ?60011 dam?
ages. Cau you imagine any thing nicer?"
?Sifting*.
WOUI.U UK HOLDKII NKXT TIMR.
Illoodgood?"I understand that Urown
whs inurricd yesterday."
IWyhoy?"Yes; I was there"
liloodgoud?"Bother of a ipiiel wed?
ding, wasn't it?"
I'oseylioy?"Decidedly I I loth thy.
hri<lu and groom were so scared that '.hey
could hardjy speak above a whisuer."?
linriingtoH Free t're<u.
A SAD 1171 KIIN ATI Vr.
Daughter flier father .? dentist)?"For
heaven's sake, ('Inn lie. here comes my
father! If he limis us together wo are
lost."
Charlie?"What shall I do?"
"Kither ask for my hand in marriage,
or else sit down in lU'i- chair and let him
pull a eon pie of i colli to disarm suspicion."
?Sifting*.
wiTiioi t ciiAxnn.
Tramp?"Gimme or ticket for St.
Louis."
Ticket Agent ? " Where's your money?"
Tramp?"1 ain't keed cr cent fer or
iniuilh.
Ticket Agent?"Pass on then; don't
keep people waiting, t don't give out
tickets unless they arc paid for."
Tramp?"Then whuddcr ycr keep thai
si^'ii up fur, 'Tcrall P'intsWcst iin'Suut'
Wldout Change?1"- - Toten Topic*.
ni.iuiiTKO I.OVK.
Miss Klhel Sinnier ---Ali, Mr. fallow,
I can well believe thai blight is I love
inust to a pa--iona!e ami rlucly strung
nature 1?: a fear::.I and maddeniug ex
((criencc."
t holly Callow?"I?w?think, Miss
Klhel, tliat a?aW?feller ought to get
fa! on it, doilcllcr Know."
"Fat? How ridiculous: Why!"
"Because, he?aw?increases in sighs,
doilcllcr know." She never Kpoku aftci
tluit.?77?ic.
A I.ITTI.R wixii.
Visitor???Keen having ii storm here?"
Kansan ? "No, sir, we have not had a
storm here for over a irenr."
??Why, how docs it'eome thai all those
brick buildings arc unroofed, that
church blown over, the school-house
iiuiied out in the street, aud tins dwel?
ling houses torn up and scattered about?"
"Oh, there was r. little wind here yes
lerday that shook things up some, but it
didn't amount to anything, .lusi a good'
strong breeze.*'?Orttiv'* tfogaxinc.
a Co.in K.ICKKR.
Well, sir," said the old guuUcman, In
dignunlly, '-what arc you doing around
here again; I thought the delicate hint I
gave you just us you left the front dflOl
last night would give sou to understand
that I don't like you very well." And the
speaker looked at bis boot in a reniin
. iseont way.
"It did," said the young man.as a look
of mingled pain and admiration came over
his face. "Bill I thought 1 would come
j and ask you-"
I - Ask me what f"
'?If you wouldn't like to join our foot
ball association?"?/b ?tau liencon.
AN IM S! AI. KXI'EDIF.XT.
Doshley?"Queer things people dis
! cover when they arc living at boarding
houses. At dinner at. my boarding
house, yesterday, I stock my fork into n
: piece of pie and brought up il collar but?
ton that I lo.-: a week .ago."
Snaggs???That's nothing. I lifted off
thu top of my peach pie at my board
ing house, yesterday, and what do you
suppose there was in it.'"
Dashlcy?"I give it up. A silk urn
. brcllil, perhaps."
Snaggs???No. sir; peaches."
Dashlcy (incredulously)?"Aw, what
are you giving meV?Bo*tOH Beaton.
rilOCOIIT TIIK ClAMsT was KXKCUTBD,
"Well," said Uncle Hiram, who used
to belong to a singing club in his early
days, "'I never heard a woman play like
lh.it woman we hear.) in Boston that
night, it was jiMt awful. My cars ach?,
even now."
??Vis," replied his nephew; "she WM'
rather loud, that's a feet. 1 jilt then her
execution-"
"George!" exclaimed the old gentle?
man, as he seized his nephew by the arm,
"you don't mean to say that they went so
far as that? Well, 'tisn't for meto judge
! thcill. 1 only heard her once. It seems
' terrible?a woman, too; but then they
had to listen to her every night. And
I they won't have to hear her again. Pcr
liaps it is all for the best, George."?
Ihe'.OH Tranncrint.
I NO CLOTHES SOU COI.D VICTUALS.
j An old farmer near Castile not only
! keeps live or six dogs as a protection
1 Rgainsl tramps but ho owns a bull which
likes no better fun than to give a
stranger a lift skyward. One day last
: spring a tramp who was making n short.
I cut across n Held to reach the house, found
the hull rushing for him like a wild lo?
comotive. He had about fifteen rods lo
; go to reach an apple tree, while the bull
had thirty, and the tramp got there firs I.
Il was lucky he did, for the whole pack
of dogs made a spring for his heels as
I they were drawn up oil the grass. He
sal there on a limb, the hull pawing and
roaring and the dogs barking and growl
: big, aud presently the fanner came dow n
alongside the fence and culled out:
"Say, you"'
"Yes."
"Want any old clothes or cold vir.t
uals?"
"No, I don't, want but one thing on
this earth," replied the tramp.
"What's that?"
"bend me ycr balloon and ticket me
: for Pennsylvania."?New York. Sun.
Owner of Many Bibles.
The owner of the largest private col?
lection of Billies in this country is proba?
bly Mr. Wm. I). Garrison, the President
of New York State Hotel Association and
proprietor of the Grand Union Hotel of
this city. Mr. GnrrLson has not less than
400 different editions of the sncrcd hook.
When a young man, he had a mind to
become an Episcopalian minister, and
studied with this ahn in view for two
j years. But he then found that it would
be difficult for him to preach on many
; points of doctrine with which he could
not fully agree, and devoted his life to
business.?Nein York Sun.
UOUSUHOLD 51 ATTKRS.
R.vnn with kruit.
Sago with fruit is nn appetizing <lc3- j
lert and one that is especially nice iu warm
weather. Soak a cupful of sago in half ?
Dilk and water; then add it to a quart
>f boiling i.ulk. stirring it until it bc
OUICS thick, and let it cool In a pud
ling dish put a layer of peaches, or other
fruit if you prefer it. und ?n this a layer
n" sago, and another ?if the fruit, using a
little sugar if needed, and so on until the
lish full. Set it on the ice. Servo
with sweetened eream.?Prairie Fanner,
CACI.IFI.OWXR <>I! IIROCCOI.1, To BOIL.
Choose those very white, close and
impact; trim oif all decayed leaves, and
cut the stock "IT close to tie- head; open
tin: (lower a little i.i pines and wash:
place them, head down, iu salt and watet
for two hour- previous to dressing, which i
wiil draw out nil insects; put into boil?
ing unter, with a heaping tablespoon ol
salt to each two quarts of water; boii
briskly tifle n to twenty minutes over i
good lire. Keeping the sauee-pan imeov
ered. skimming the water several times.
When iMiiled tender, take up, drain, anc
if large heeds, place upright in a dish
and serve with plain melted butter, pour
ing a little on the flower; or a whiti
sauce or drawn butter may be used with
it
RSUI.lSil UKKK SOUP.
T.e' n soup stock hot and strained l?r
ready. i'ut. in a saueepan two slices <>l
raw ham, an onion cut up. a carrot, one
half a turnip.one.half a pound of butler,
a bay leaf, and a few whole poppers.
).<? these be fried until thoroughly
browned and then mix iu a cupful ol
Hour and l"t brown again." Then dllutl
with thr.pi.irts of hot. stuck and a van !
of tomatoes and allow to boil for an
hour. Cut in small diee-sixed pieces twe I
carrots ami one turnip and pirhod it
salted water. Cut one pound of cooked I
lean soup-meat in small pieces. Parlxtil I
one-half a |M>Ulld of barley. Then stniil
Ihe soup, skimming oil all fat. and rule I
:!; ? smiled vegetables, the meat and liar
loy, lesson with s ilt and pepper, and In I
boil fo? Hftewi minutes more. Pinist j
with the juice of one-half a lemon and : I
small portion Worcestershire sauce.? |
OAieago Act?. j
a Kiirrr cakk that is kasv to m.vkr i
While making cake for shccp-shenrcn I
1 thought that there must he some O"
your rea.l'Ts, writes a f nnnndnigua (N
V.) young lady to the Detroit Free Pre**.
who would like to know how to make :
farmer's fruit cake that, though rich a:i<
hearty and universally liked, especially
by the men folks, is yet inexpensive.
Take one cupof dried apples,soak OVOI
night in water enough to cover them
Then chop tine, add one cupof syrup t<
the wuter in whii h they were soaked am
boil all till tho apples arc tender and tin
syrup very rich and thick. After this i:
cool add it the last thing to the follow?
ing: Two well beaten eggs, one cup Ot
sugar, one am! one-third cups of soui
eream. or two-thirds of n cup of soui
milk and two-thirds of a cup of hinter,
thn-- teaspoonfuls of soda, one-half cuy
of raisins, one-half cup of currants, Hotll
enough to form a stiif hatter; hake hall
an hour in a moderate oven.
Dried apples prepared in this way cat
hardly he told from citron. Indeed,
when well made this cake is good enough
for any occasion.
totato vka.-t.
T send my recipe for making pot ate
y.Mst. 1 thought some of the rcaden
would like, to try it: Mix together two
cups of cooked potatoes mashed through
a sieve, one cup of sugar, and four cup?
of warm water. I'ut this in a warm
place for twenty-four hours, when il
ought to be foamy. It may take a longci
time to sour it, but one experienced in
bread-making can tell when it is ready.
It is now ready to be mixed into dough.
To provide u potato-ball for the next
time, take one cup of mashed potatoes and
one tablespoon of sugar. Mix this with
a little of the foam and a little of the i
sediment (a tablespoon of each will do),
cover closely aud let stand a few hours in
a warm place. Then add a teaspoon of j
salt, and remove to a cool place. Whop
ready to bake again, prepare two cups ol
mashed potatoes, add one cup of sugar,
and mix in the potato-hall. Let stand ai
hour more, take out a cupful for the next
baking, add salt to it, and set away. Tr.
the remaining three cups add four cups
of water, and let it remain over night,
when it is ready to mix into the sponge !
I think I have made this plain, but if not,
I will answer anything you don't under?
stand.?Sew York Wituttt,
nOUSKIIOLIl HINTS.
When recipes call for a cupful it. mean!
just half a pint; this amount in granu?
lated sugar weighs just half a pound.
Salt will curdle new milk; so in pre
paring custards or porridges the sab
I should not be added until the dish is pre
I pared.
I Red p.ippcr pods or a few pieces o
charcoal thrown into the pot in whicl
onions, cabbages, etc., are being boiled
will prevent the unpleasant odor.
Two tablcspoonfuls of washing soda it
a gallon of boiling water makes a gooi
disinfectant for the kitchen sink. Pom
it in at night, while it is still at boilint
heat.
Tin pans can bo prevented from rust
log by heating them and r.ihbingwell w itl
linseed oil and heating again. Woue
oshns or whiting (which is better) mbcec
with kerosene will brighten them.
Makea list, in the order iu which yoi
p ick them, of the contents of your wool?
len chest, And paste it. on the outside
Then the articles at the head of the ii.sl
will he in the bottom of the box.
Rusty black cashmere should bcspongcd
with equal parts of alcohol and ammonia,
diluted with a little warm water. When
pressing use a piece of alpaca or un?
dressed cambric next the warm iron.
If ironed when damp, and pressed till
dry, table linen takes a certain stiffness
which is more permanent and less subject
to creases than the stiffness of starch,
which is also injurious to the fabric.
Lime and alkali stains may bo re?
moved from wdiite goods by simply wash?
ing. Tn the case of colored goods and
silks the goods should he moistened nn>
citric acid, much diluted, applied wit
the finger.
The herring-sardine business is an
enterprise of considerable magnitude in
Maine. There arc now forty factories in
the State, and this season the product
renched 500,000 cases, against 450,00V
coses last year.
CURIOUS FACTS.
Kentucky has a mail carrier ninety yean
old.
!n Chile the street-car Conducton are
all women.
Tho word "and" occurr* 10.227 times
in tin: Bible.
Philadelphia is to have a new church
for colored Catholics.
Toddy is from the llindostancc tori,
tadi, the juice of the palmyra tree.
A Vienna criminal recently made his
escape from justice by means of a balloon.
An Illinois man who bet thai the world
was round and fai)"d to prove it had to
pay over $25.
The largest ruby known is among the
crown jewels of Kussin; its size is that of
a pigeon's egg.
The age of Sato Vukichi, the Japanese
dwarf, IS about fifty years. His height
is fifteen iucucs.
A pair of elephant's tusks of average
length weigh about 200 pounds, and are
wort h about $300.
The three Presidents who died on
July 4 are .lohn Adams, Thomas Jeffer?
son und .lames Monroe.
The American mosquito has appeared
in England, and the. people are vastly ex?
cited by the discovery.
The descendants ol Itcbccca Nourse,
who was hanged as a witch ill 1022, had
i reunion in Uanvers, Mass., recently.
British people drink annually rive
pounds of ten per head per annum. The
French average is only half an ounce.
It is against the city ordinance in
Castile, N. Y., for a donkey to appear
in the streets unless nccompanicd by a
man.
A cloud burst in Nevada the other day
dropped enough water on a region two
miles square lo form a lake of ten acres
in OXtont and ten feet deep.
John Moore, of Indiana, declared him
lelf guilty of robbery, paid a constable $2
to arrest him, and then hired a carriage
for S:> to take them to the county jail.
Punch is from the Hindostaneo pauch,
Sanskrit panchau, meaning live, because
Lite drink was originally composed of five
ingredients, viz.: Sugar, arrack, tea,
water ami lemon juice.
Italian excavators at Adulio, neat
Silin, Africa, have conic upon public
buildings and coins. In the sixth century
i marble slab was found there giving the
coui|ucstsof Ptolemy Evergotcs.
A man with an artificial face has been
ittrncting much attention ai an English
watering place. He bad an artificial
shcek, eye and palate.fitted by a surgeon
a' Bristol. He eats without the slightest
difficulty, and speaks distinctly.
A number of strange fish, formed like
tile while fish of Lake Brie, have just
1 been caught at the dam near Mcadvillc,
N. Y. Some think they are elscoes.
They are in color regular strawberry
blondes, with reddish ^ills and lails, und,
so far as reported, entirely new to those
waters. Bow they got there is a mys?
tery. _
Live 'Slicetors From Mexico.
Everybody around the rotunda of the
Custom Bouse when they heard Edward
If. Kremier, the veteran animal broker,
say that he had just entered a big lot of
live mosquitoes thought be was either ro?
mancing or was losing some of the quick
sense which enables him instantly to tell
a Yorkshire from a Dandic Diumout ter?
rier. Eddie went on to say in the presence
of the credulous-minded brokers and
clerks thai, four packages of the pestiferous
insects had arrived on the steamship
Alnnsa from Vera Cruz. Twoof the pack?
ages contained live mosquitoes ami two
dead mosquitoes baked in the form of
Cakes. They came from Mexico, of which
country they are natives. Eddie de?
scribed tin; pests lo be as long as bis
hand, or many times the size of their
famous Eastern cousins.
"What are they for, Eddie?" he was
asked.
'?To feed soft billed birds, such as rob
bins and others.'' The broker said thai
he paiil duty on the live skeeters at the
rate of twenty per cant., and that the in
sccts were consigned to Itoicho Brothers,
of Park Bow. ?'The duties," he edited,
"amounted to 821."
One of the Reiche Brothers said that,
the firm was expecting a shipment of
mosquitoes from Mexico, but that they
were dead ones. If any of the lot get
here alive they must have been restored
(o life on the passage. They are caught
in nets in Mexico and dried. They arc
fed to'trusties, nightingales, mocking
birds, and other soil billed birds.?New
York Suit.
Origin of "We Won't Go Home."
An interesting history of an old and
well known comic iiaic was given by Pro
lessor Easel, a music teacher, inn speech
in the Music Teachers' Association re?
cently. He said that when the army of
the first Napoleon was in Egypt in 170!!
the camp for awhile was near the pyra?
mids. One afternoon about sunset the
band was playing. The inhabitants of
the desert, had collected near anil were
listening to the music. Nothing un?
natural happened until the band struck
up a tune which we now hear under the
name of "We Won't Co Home Till
Morning." Instantly there were the wild?
est, demonstrations of joy among the
Bedouins. They embraced each other
and shouted and daacod in the delirium
of their pleasure. The reason was that
they were listening to the favorite and
oldest tune of their people. Professor
Kusel then stated Unit the tune had been
taken to Europe from Africa in the elev?
enth century by the Crusaders, and had
lived separately in both countries for
over seven hundred years. This is cer?
tainly enough to make "We Won't Go
Home Till Morniug"n classic. Its origin
is more of a mystery than the source of^
the Nile.?Ijouisville Post.
South American Ostriches.
The South American ostriches, or
rhcas, go about the open grass lands in
groups of from twenty to thirty females,
led and carefully guarded by one male
I bird. About the end of August the
male bird makes the nest, and the hens
go down one by one to lay their oggs,
I and the laying season being over, the
[ male bird proceeds to carry out the incu?
bation. The process of incubation lasts
over a month; and the hatcher, knowing
that his progeny will soon surround him,
turns out three or four eggs from the
nest, where in the hot sun they soon be?
come decomposed. When the young
birds bogin to make their appearance the
father breaks these eggs, the flies get on
them, and in twenty-four hours they are
a mass of maggots, thus supplying to the
young brood tender food until they arc
able tp.pick up. insects and grasshoppers
