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yOL. V.-NO. 11. EATON, OHIO, THURSDAY, APRIL 21, 1870. WHOLE NO. 219.
HER CHIGNON ON MY SHOULDER.
On dark and dreary winter day.
When snow-drifts fait were melting:,
And 'gainst the window's dewy pano
The rainy flakes were pelting.
Beneath the bright gas' venial blaze,
as outer blasts grew colder,
I was seated by say Maggie's side.
With her chignon on my shoaldei
I heeded not the storm without
Within the sun was ahinlng ;
The clouds or Ufa were lifted, then
I saw the silver lining :
And as off darling sweetly smiled.
My throbbing "heart grew bolder ;
I dreamed, as I had never dreamed.
With her chignon on my shoulder.
I dreamed of riches and of fame
Acquired by honest labor :
A name to live when I am gone.
And wealth to help my neighbor ;
I dreamed, too, of a happy home,
Where growlnc old and older.
Her little hand clasped dose in mine.
Her chignon on my shoulder.
-h 'The tide-of years will bear us on;
Our paths are undi verging ;
No frosts of time can blast the bud.
Nor freeze the love that's sieging ;
. And not until each heart-throb cease.
And dust to dust shall molder,
Shall I forget the blissful time
Her chignon pressed my shoulder.
THROUGH THE BARS OF A CELL.
Coubtbous Readbb: I am the inmate
of a State Prison. Do not be astonished,
my friend, at being addressed by such a
being. I can assure you I am a special
convict, and, perhaps, some of these days
wnen l am tree, you may encounter my
rentable self in the bosom of your social
circle. If your- curiosity is awakened, I
wUl breathe to you through the gratings
of my cell my eventful history. It is a
strange one, respected friend. Indeed I
make bold to say that a stranger one was
never breamed into your ear.
I had an only brother. We had been
brought up in a distant village,
in the State of Pennsylvania. Our
father died when my younger
brother was born, leaving my
mother very poor. She brought us up
bravely, however. I being the eldest, was
sent off at an early age to fight the battle of
lite, ana, while Helping myseu, tooo some
thing toward helping others. With this
noble purpose in my mind I made rapid
progress, and finally had the hardihood to
set off" to New York, rightly imagmlng
that there were the greatest prizes
for an ambitious-youth. Full of the most
ardent affection for my mother, I tried to
made everything turn to my own advance
ment. I felt aa though every act or my
life had an effect upon their fortunes.
This feeling so inspired me that self-denial
was not only easy, but delightful.
Feeling as I did, that all my savings bene
filed them so greatly, how could I do
otherwise than save f
I was extremely fortunate in New York.
My last employers in thcormtry gave .
me letters to one of the chief merchants
. in that city. He received me kindly.
Finding out my Industrious and saving
habits, he speedily promoted, me. - Year
by year he added to my salary. At length,
after years of labor, I found myself, at the
age of twenty-five, the confidential clerk
of my employer, with a large salary, and
the control of millions.
Some years before I had. conceived the
idea of giving my brother a good educa
tion. My brother wa to me more like a
son than anything else. His nature was .
widely different from minq. I was bold,
resolute and daring; he was gentle, poeti
cal, and full of sentiment. I was stern,
practical and independent ; he was quiet,
reliant and meditative. I was formed for
a life of warfare and action ; he for a life
of study and meditation.
He went to college. His progress was
remarkable ; he was at the head in every
thing ; he graduated with the highest hon
ors. I saw him at the. final exhibition
when he obtained his degree. I admired
and applauded more than any one else my
young brother. In truth, as he stood
there with his fragile form, his paWlace,
his eye beaming with the light of genius,
he was worthy of all the admiration I had
, to bestow. I have his portrait now with
me. It resembles the poet Shelley more
than any face that I have ever seen.
My brother went home, and, as I sup
posed, studied for his profession. I cor
responded always with my mother. My
brother waa always irregular in letter
writing, and I never thought much of not
hearing from him. I soon became
troubled, however, at learning that he
was nnwwL I recommended a trip across
the ocean and a tour through Europe, and
offered to pay his expenses. After this
offer I waited anxiously to learn the ef-
feet. I did not hear from home for near
ly a month. I grew very anxious, and
thought seriously of paying them a visit.
Since my departure, fifteen years before, I
had never been home, and had only met
my relatives on their visits to re at New
One day on going to the office I found a
telegraphic dispatch. The words of that
dispatch have burned themselves into my
" Your brother is dying 1 Come home !"
It was a stranger's name. Great God !
my brbther dying ! A stranger, too, tele
graphing te mo ! What meant all this ?
Was my mother also dying?
I never closed my eves for three days
and three nights, nor did I eat a mouthful
until I came in sight of my native town in
Pennsylvania. I waited for two hours
trying to overcome my agitation created
by fasting and want of sleep. Ordinarily
nothing ruffled me ; but now I was as
weak as a child. I walked np the main
street. I came within sight of the old
familiar cottage. The bands were ail
down. Great Heaven! I was not prepared
for such-a blow. I dreaded the worst.
The worst had come. A stranger opened
the door a stranger staved at me. I
recognized much ot the old furniture with
which my mother would not part. I saw
my brother's portrait hanging in the hall.
"Are they in?" I gasped out, not know
ing what I said.
No one recognized me. I did not wish
to be recognized. Fearful of being an ob
ject of vulgar pity, I had determined to
act as a strangar. So, with all the calm
ness that I could muster, I asked after my
mother by name. Then the blow fell. The
woman at the door spoke solemnly :
"She's dead, Sir,"
" Hadn't she a son?" I asked, with a
frightful attempt at indifference.
Ves, Sir his death broke' her down.
She died next rlay."
' Unfortunate people ! "
" Ah yes, Sir. There's never been a
death, ill Vjie village so unfortunate Es
pecially poor Henry, Sir. He was a great
" I used to know a brother ol his in
New York. Does he know about this ?"
"Ah, Sir, I don't know. It'll be a sad
blow for him."
" How did it happen ?"
" Won't you walk in, sir and 111 teU
" No, thank you. It's so close. I'm hot;
m sit here."
I sank into a seat by the cottage door.
The woman told me all. Her story was
simply this :
When Henry came home from college
he was the pride and boast of the village.
People sought his acquaintance who be
fore had overlooked him, and his learning
and genius won the regards and admira
tion of all. Among the young ladies of
the place there was one from Philadelphia
who appeared to be greatly struck by my
brother. She belonged to one of the first
families in that city, and was exceedingly
beautiful. Her beauty, however, was only
in appearance. Strange to say, with the
utmost loveliness of form and features, she
combined a hardness of heart and. a sel
fishness of nature frightful to contem
plate She only nought my brother for
the sake Jof making a conquest - of the
talented young villager. As to love or
marriage, she would have laughed at the
idea. Her-aspirations werej far higher
than that. By the utmost artfulness, and
by the exceeding charm which she was
capable of displaying, she completely over
come my brother. With all the intoxica
tion of genius he surrendered himself to
her power. With him to love was to give
up his soul, his life, his all. It was no
light or transitory matter. It was the
most serious thing on earth. As to her,
"he never doubted her sincerity.
At last he woke from his dream, and
only awaked to die. He spoke to her
once about his feelings. She treated him
cruelly. When sure of his affections she
began to try to torture him with Jealousy.
On his remoDstrating.she turned him away
forever with a withering sneer. He was
stunned at first, but afterward thought it
a mistake. He sought her out again, and
implored her to tell him truly. This time
her calm contempt was unmistakable ; he
saw her as she was. Had he possessed
my strong nature he would have survived
this shock. The woman does not
live who could kill me by a disappoint
ment. But my brother was a gentle soul.
When his heart broke, he died. And so
he yielded to this blow.
All can be told in a few words. My
mother, horrified, startled, overwhelmed,
by this meet unlooked-for calamity, and
gentle in nature like my brother, sank
ka him under the sudden stroke.
"And now," concluded the woman,
"they both lie buried beside her hus
band." All the time she spoke I did not utter a
As she ceased I rose slowly, murmured
" Thank vou." and staff srerfld awav. In
stinctively I wandered to the burying
ground. Iknew well where they lay. I
soon stood before their newly-made grave
two twin mounds containing all that I
cared-for on earth the treasured objects
of a lifetime's labor the ones for whose.
happiness 1 had been a slave ! Ana tney
had come to this I '
I spent the night there. I brooded over
plans of vengeance. If they were
crushed by a blow, I rose under
mine and heard their cry for
vengeance coming even from the
tomb. I had that woman's name. - She
had, under the outward, beauty of her
fiendish soul, killed my mother and
brother. She should suffer ! But how ?
This was the meditation of the night. I
took long strides up and down aa I paced
beside the craves, and before the dawn I
My scheme was one of grandeur. You
seldom hear of such schemes. People
generally find it difficult to take revenge
because they are too anxious to take care
of themselves. Now, I cared nothing for
myself. My sole desire was for vengeance.
For that desire I was ready to sacrifice
I started for New York immediately,
and arrived there as soon as possible.
The head of our house was living at that
time up the Hudson. He left every thing
to me. My measures were all taken. I
wrote to him informing him that I was
going to Europe to see about some British
funds that were endangered. I drew on
England for those funds to the amount of
two million dollars, and then left the
office.. But I did not go to England. I
calmly returned to my own lodgings,
where 1 wrote some letters, These were
letters of introduction to the chief people
in the United States from the leading aris
tocracy of Great Britain. With these I
knew I could hare the entree of any so
ciety. I start id for Philadelphia, and put
np at the first hotel in the place. I lav
ished my money with a liberal hand, or
dered the serrants peremptorily, and acted
like an eccentric nobleman. On the books
of the hotel I wrote the name, " Henry
On my card there was the same name,
and over it a neatly-engraved crest This
nobleman I . was personally acquainted
with. He ".had large dealings with our
house, and all his circumstances were
well known to me. On the following
day I saw the following in the principal
" DisTixauiSHXD Strabjohb. Yesterday a distin-
guished nobleman arrived at the Hotel. He
Henry Lord Arlington, and is related to the lead
ing English nobility. He cornea to this country to
study our institutions, and see the wonders or na
ture in which our land is so rich. His father ia the
ISarl of Sunderland, to which he is heir. When we
state that his Lordship has an income of about a
million dollars a year, and Is a gay young bachelor
of twenty-lve, we think we have said enough te
turn the heads of all the young belles In the city."
I was soon waited on by the chief peo
ple in tne city. 1 bore letters of introduc
tion to them, and met with an eager wel
COme stately manners, my -raininess
and self-reliance won me respect? I was
shortly the lion of the city. I soon en
countered my victim.
Isabel Nevers, for this was her name,
was the daughter of one of the old fami
lies. Her father was a man full of self im
portance and absurd conceit. He prided
himself on being the son of an American
officer, and cultivated his lofty feeling of
arrogance to a ridiculous extent. His
daughter was worthy of him. Hard, cold,
and selfish. She waa only attractive in
outline and feature. The feeling of am
bition and self importance overruled all
other sentiments. Love she could not feel.
Marriage she looked upon .as a specula
tion. She sought a husband only for the
sake of wealth and social influence.
Wealth and Position were her gods.
I saw with exultation how readily she
frll into the snare I spread for her. No
sooner had she seen mc than she exerted
all her arts to win me. And I never
did any lover appear half so intoxicated
as I. The reader can foresco the end.
Jhe newspapers announced it ;
" Marriaos rs? High Lira. It is stated that
Lord Arlington is about to lead to the hymeneal
alter the daughter of one of our most distinguished
citizens. If this be so, we venture to say that the
tounoiBi. james win nave no orignter orna
mem man miss nevers.
All this transpired in about a fortnight
The marriage was settled upon. I showed
to old Nevers my bankers authority to
draw on England for millions. I made
deeds of settlement to my bride of estates
ana lands, l lavished my wealth with
liberal hand. She held instruments with
my signature to the extent of millions.
On the evening before our marriage 1
wrote off to my old employer, anony
"Sra: The young man in whom you place con
ndence is s scoundrel, lie Is now not in Eurooe
but Philadelphia, with forged letters bearing the
name of Lord Arlington. Do not despise this.
dqi come yoursen to rniiaueipma. iarn all
and save yourself from Ruin "
We were married. It was the most
magnificent wedding ever known in Phil
adelphia. All the elite of the city were
present. Such splendor, such display,
nad never beiore been seen.
Three davs nassed. One morning a loud
and peremptory knock was heard at the
door. I had been living with my wife at
Mr. Nevers's. in seclusion. Drerjaratorv to
taking her to the aristocratic connections
ot her noble husband. Tne crisis ap
preached. Well, I had nerve for any
thing. The servant opened tne door.
Loud voices sounded in the hall. My
wile stepped to tne door anahurned back.
She Was white as a sheet.
" Ha, ha !" she exclaimed, nervously ;
"they want Lord Arlington. They say
he s an xmposier.
" An impostor ! Well, that is good I I
" I must see him," cried a loud voice.
" Well, it's getting better and better !" I
exclaimed; and springing up, I went to
I saw my late employer. He started
" Well my good man can I do anything
for you ?" My calmness, my hauteur, my
impudence, were beyond desciptton.
"Edward," said he, "has it come to
this ? Confess all. and I'll forgive you."
Had not my heart been beyond the reach
of pity, his tones would have melted me.
But I calmly gazed at him.
" My dear sir, you are laboring under
some strange delusion," I said. " Do I re
semble any one whom you know ?"
" You will not confess, then ?" he ex
claimed, sternly confronting me: " Then,
officer, I leave him to you."
He turned away. I felt myself seized
by officers, with a warrant, and carried
away. My employer was no man to be
trifled with. He had proofs against me
too strong to slierht. and he held me to bail
to such a vast amount that I could not get
bonds. I had to go to prison.
On the following day the papers were
full of it To add to the excitement, I
wrote a confession of my misdeeds, which
was circulated everywhere. It was a ter
rific blow to the Nevers es and my wife.
I sent for my employer. I told him all.
handed him back the draft for millions
had only used it to show. The money
had spent ws all my own the savings
of years. None of it had gone to my wife,
however. I had made her presents of
jewels, but they all turned out to be paste.
My employer forgave me. He had not
lost a cent through me. He shook hands
" God bless you, my poor boy 1" he
cried. " Your desire for revenge has mis
Jed you. May you be forgiven as I for
give yon !"
He exerted himself for me, but could do
nothing. My offense had been too great.
was sentenced to five years' -solitary im
prisonment. Here I am now. My wife has never
been near me. I hear she and her father
went to California. Perhaps she has mar
ried again. If so, I wish her joy. But if
she has, when I get out of prison, I'll
track her and make her give her new hus
band up again.
Courteous reader, through the bars of
his cell a felon wishes you adieu.
Thkt had done good work in their day.
They were large and round, so that when
she saw a thing she saw it. There was a
crack across the upper part of the glass,
for many a baby had made them a play
thing, and all the grandchildren had at
some time tried them on. They had some
times been so dimmed with tears that she
had to take them off and wipe them upon
her apron before she could see through
them at alL Her ' second sight " had
now come, and she would often let her
glasses slip down, and then look over tne
top of them while she read. Grandmoth
er was pleased at this return of her vision.
Getting along so well without them, she
often lost her spectacles. Sometimes they
would be for Weeks untouched on the
shelf, in the red morocco case, the flap up
lifted. She could now look off upon the
hills, which for thirty years she had not
been able to see from the piazza. Those
were mistaken who thought she had no
poetry in her soul. You could see it in
the way she put her hand under the chin
of a primrose or cultivated the geranium.
Sitting on the piazza one evening, in her
rocking chair, she saw a ladder of cloud
set up against the sky, and thought how
easy it would be for a spirit to climb it.
She saw, in the deep glow of the sunset,
a chariot of fire, drawn by horses of fire,
and wondered who rode it. She saw a
vapor floating thinly away, as though it
were a wing ascending, and grandmother
uttered in a low tone : " A vapor that ap
peareth for a little season, ana then van
lsheth away." She saw a hill, higher than
any she had ever before seen on the hori
zon, and on the top of it a king's castle.
The motion of the rocking chair became
slighter, until it stopped. The spectacles
fell out of her lap. A child hearing it,
ran to pick them up, and cried : " Grand
mother, what is the matter ?" She an
swered noti She never spoke again. Sec
ond sight had come ! Her vision had
grown better and better. What she could
not Bee now was not worth seeing. Not
now through a glass, darkly ! Grand
mother had no more need of spectacles !
Rev. Thomas De Witt Talmage.
A Stupid Witness.
Those who are in the habit of attending
police and other courts must have ob
served the difficulty under which the law
yers and Judges labor sometimes in get
ting witnesses to testify in legal form.
The following, which recently took place
at a Cincinnati court, is an amusing and
perfect example : A man had been caught
in the act of theft, and pleaded in extent,
nation that he was drunk :
Court (to the policeman who was wit
ness). " What did the man say when you ar
rested him ?"
Witness. " He said he was drunk."
Court. " I want his precise words, just
as he uttered them ; he didn't use the
pronoun lie, did he ? He didn't say ' he
was drunk. "
Witness. " Oh, yes, he did he said he
was drunk ; he acknowledged the corn.".
Coprt (getting impatient at the witness'
stupidity). " You don't understand me
at all ; I want the words as he uttered
them ; didn't he say, 'I was drunk ?' "
Witness (deprecatingly). " Oh, no,
your Honor. He didn't say you was
drunk ; I wouldn't allow any man to
charge that upon you in my presence."
Prosecutor. " Pshaw, you don't com
prehend at all. His Honor means, , did
not the prisoner say to you, 'i was
Witness (reflectively). "Well, he
might have said you was drunk, but I
didn't hear him."
Attorney for the prisoner. " What the
Court desires is to have you state the
prisoner's own words, preserving the pre
cise form of pronoun that he made use of
in reply. Was it the 1st person, I, the 3d
person, thou, or the third person, he, she
or it? Now. then, sir (with severity).
upon your oath, didn't my client say, ' 1
was drunk V "
Witness (getting mad). " No, he didn't
say you was drunk either, but if he had, I
reckon he wouldn't a Ued any. Do you
'spose the poor fellow charged this whole
court with being drunk ?""
BY THE "FAT CONTRIBUTOR."
Casting about for a theme, the door
seems to afford a very good opening for an
article. We don't recollect seeing any
thing written on the door, not since we
were startled by seeing "Small-pox"
written on one in an obscure portion of
The door is about as old as arcnitecture
itself, and we are inclined to believe was
invented before windows were, though
that is a disputed point; It is our opinion
that house architecture began with the
door. In the early days when people
lived out of doors (and out of almost every
thing else), it occurred to one of those un
easy individuals of inventive minds, who
are constantly disturbing the calm
placidity of the world with new-fangled
ideas, that a door would be a good thing
to have. Sleeping in a ten-acre lot, for in
stance, of a stormv night, it would be so
comfortable to have a door to his lot ; and
what a sense of security would be afforded
when he went away from home, to know
that the door was locked I
This, of course, excited the envy of his
neighbors, who slept in lots adjoining, and
who began to repine at their lot. Some
said he was putting on airs ; others that
he was unduly suspicious of his neighbors,
and they asked him tauntingly why he
didn't put a number on it and have a door-
plate ; m tact, tney slammed that door in
his face continually. Then another in
dividual of an inventive turn set himself
to work to get up an improvement on the
door, and thus vitiate his patent, just as
men do nowadays wHEnn fellow to in as ne
has got a good thing. There are several
things wehave thought of inventing, only
we knew if we did an improvement would
come out the next day that would knock
our patent higher thana kite.
This other man hit It at length ; he took
door and built a house to it t and doors
have been constructed in that manner ever
since. We give this theory for what it is
worth (writing as we do, by the column),
but it is probably as correct theorizing as
much that is indulged in concerning the
early origin of matters and things. Win
dows, of course, followed dcors, for it was
natural for people to want a window to
look out of when the door bell was rung
late at night, to see who was there. Or,
perhaps, before the inventing of windows,
some man laboring under delirium tre
mens wanted a place to jump out of, and
thus realized the incompleteness of the
house of the period, supplying the defi
ciency so soon as he recovered.
It is not with the window that we are
now dealing, as we shall reserve that for
another able article; we are, metaphorical
ly, knocking at the door.
The door is more intimately associated
with our every-day life than one would
think, if he didn't think anything about
it. How cold and forbidding to some, and
how slow to respond to their knock, while
to others it wears a face' as genial and in
viting as that of an old friend, and at their
approach flies open like . lovers' arms in
viting to warmest embrace. Dark and
stern it scowls from with'n Its portals
upon the houseless wanderer, who gazes
sadly and pleadingly in its face as he half
pauses on the sidewalk, and then creeps
falteringly by ; but there is radiance in
its look, and a welcome m its creak when
the loved and honored are invited to en
ter. In the olden times it was usual for the
wealthy and .hospitable to decorate their
doors with ribbons and banners, and
above the door they sometimes inscribed
sentence, as " The Goo4 House," or the
name of the king who had honored the own -'er
with office and emoluments. There are
inscriptions now, but they usually read
Mutual," " Home Insurance Company,"
"To Let," or something of that kind, and
the only banner we see is the red flag of
If some of the ancient customs have
lassed away, there are hospitab'.e doors
eft yet ; doors that when opened reveal
glimpses of brightness, and gladness, and
beauty that do the heart good to look
upon. There are doors, too, that are
never closed upon the unfortunate, and
doors that long to receive back the way
ward wanderer, whose footsteps are
ashamed or afraid to turn in the direction
of their thresholds. Mournful doors
there be, bearing the significant crape
that tells its own silent tale of the sorrow
that is within, and that preaches to us the
eloquent, though oft unheeded, sermon of
If the doors could only speak, what sto
ries they could tell. Of warm and joyous
greetings; of heart-falterings and misgiv
ings, as trembling hands rang the bell ; of
CJld farewells ; or longing glances through
tearful eyes, that follow the departing
form of the loved one ; of the letter that
brings ioy, and the message that brings
grief; of tender whisperings and loving
gartings; of billet-doux going out, and
ills coding in ; of gay weddings arriving,
and ssd funerals departing. Tell you,
the door sees a great deal of life in its day.
It sees your first visit to the outer world,
borne in your nurse's arms. You give it
a stunning slam as, with boyish shout,
you hasten to your play ; and when you
"come to be a man," and learn to smoke
and drink, and, therefore, find it neccssa
Ty to join a club, it sees yon stumble up
the steps late at night, and laughs as you
try to find the keyhole; tickling it, as one
might say, with your night-key. It sees
you totter out and totter in when you get
old, and at last closes upon your final de
parture for your long home. Pray Heaven
that the eternal door yon knock at then is
not shut upon yon !
We did not know there waa so much in
the door until we got to writing about it.
uur attention naa not Deen attracted to it,
owing, probably, to the fact that we were
never " shown the door," not as we recol
lect. Our only advice, in concluding, is,
Deware oi evil aoort. Lnnexnnatx limes.
The Old Black Bull.
. Old John Bulklxv (grandson of the
once famous President Chauncey), was a
minister oi tne tospei, ana one ot tne
best educated men of his day in the
Wooden Nutmeg State, when the im
mortal (or ought-to-be) Jonathan Trum
bull was " round," and in his youth.
Mr. Bulkley was the first settled minis
ter in tne town of his adoption. Colches
ter, Conn.' It was with him as afterward
with good old Bra Jonathan. (Governor
Trumbull, the bosom friend of General
Washington), good to confer on almost
any matter, scientific, political, or religious
any subject, in short, wherein common
sense and general good to all' concerned
was tne issue, am a philosophical reason
er, casuist, and good counselor, he was
" looked to," and abided by.
It so fell out that a congregation in Mr.
Bmlkley's vicinity got to loggerheads, and
were upon the apex of raising " the evil
one," instead of a spire to their church,
they proposed, and split upon. The
very nearest they could come to a mutual
cessation of hostilities was to appoint a
conamitte of three to wait onfMr. Bulkley,
state their case, and get him to adjudicate.
They waited on the old gentleman, and he
listened with great attention to their con
"It appears to me," said the old gentle
man, " that this is a very simple case a
trifling thing to cause you so much vexa
" So I say," says one of the committee.
"I don't call it a trifling case, Mr.
Bulkley," said another.
" No caso at all, responded the third.
. " It aint, eh ?" fiercely answered the first
"No, it ain't sir !" quite as savagely re
plied the third.
" It is anything but a trifling case, any
how," echoed number two, " to expect to
raise a minister's salary and that new
steeple, too, out of our small congrega
tion." " There is no danger of raising much
out of you, anyhow, Mr. Johnson, spite
fully returned number one.
"Gentlemen, if you please" beseech
ingly interposed the sage.
" I did "not come here, Mr. Bulkley, to
quarrel," said one.
" Who started this ?" sarcastically an
swered Mr. Johnson. -
" Not me, anyway," number three re
plied. " You don't say I did, do you ?" says
number one. . -
" Gentlemen gentlemen 1"
" Yes, Mr. Bulkley,'1aay8 Johnson, " and
there's old Winkles, too, and here's Dea
con Potter, also."
u I am here, "stiffly replied the deacon',
"and I am sorry the Rev. Mr.Bulkley finds
me in such company, sir !"
"Now, gentlemen, brothers, if you
please," said Mr. Bulkley, " this is ridic
" So I say," murmured Mr. Winkles.
" As far as you are concerned, it is ri
diculous," said the deacon.
This brought Mr. Winkles up, standing.
" Sir V he shouted, " sir !'
"But, my dear sirs" beseechingly said
" Sir I" continued Winkles, " sir ! I am
too old a man, too good a Christian, Mr.
Bulkley, to allow a man, a mean, despica
ble toad, like Deacon Potter"
"Do you call me me a despicable toad?"
menacingly cried the deacon.
" Brethren," said Mr. Bulkley, " if I am
counsel in your difference, I must have
no more of this unchristianlike bicker
ing." "I do not wish to bicker," said Johnson.
"Nor I don't want to, sir," said the
deacon, " but when a man calls me a toad
a mean, despicable toad"
" Well, well, never mind," said Mr.
Bulkley ; "you are all too much excited
now ; go home again, and wait patiently ;
on Sunday evening next I will have pre
pared and sent to you a written opinion
your case, with a full and free avowal
most wholesome advice for preserving
your church from desolation and your
selves from despair." And the committee
left to await his issue.
Now it chanced that Mr.Bulkley had a
small farm, some distance from the town
Colchester, and found it necessary, the
same day he wrote the opinion and advice
the brethren of the disaffected church,
drop a line to his farmer regarding the
fixtures of said estate. Having written a
long and of course elaborate essay" to
his brethren, he wound up the day's lit
erary exertions with a dispatch to the
farmer, and after a reverie to himself he
directs the two documents, and the next
moment dispatches them but, by a mis
direction, sends each to its wrong destina
tion. On Saturday evening a full and anxious
synod of the belligerent churchmen took
place in their tabernacle, and punctually,
promised, came a dispatch from the
Plato of the time and place Rev. John
All was quiet and respectful attention.
The Moderator took up the document and
broke the seal open, and pause ensued,
while dubious amazement seemed to
spread over the features of the worthy
President of the meeting.
"Well, Brother Temple, how is it
what does Mr. Bulkley say ?" and another
" Will the Moderator please proceed ?"
said another voice.
The Moderator placed the paper on the
table, took off his spectacles, wiped the
glasses, then his lips replaced his specs
upon his nose, and, with a very broad
grin, said :
" Brethren, this appears to me to be a
very singular letter, to say the least of it I"
" Well, read it read it," responded the
" I wilL" The Moderator began :
" You will see to the repair ofthe fences,
that they bo built up high and strong, and
you will take special care of the old black
There was a general pause ; a nlent
mystery overspread the community ; the
Moderator dropped the paper to a " rest,"
and gazed over the top of his glasses for
several minutes, nobody saying a word.
" Repair the fences," muttered the Mod
erator, at length.
" Build them strong and high f echoed
"Take special care of the old black
bull ?" growled half the meeting.
Then another pause ensued, and each
man eyed his neighbor in mute mystery.
A tall and venerable man arose from his
seat ; clearing his voice with a hem, he
spoke : - .
" Brethren, you teem lost in the brief
and eloquent words of your learned ad
viser. To me nothing could be more ap
propriate to our case. It is just such a
profound and applicable reply to us as we
should have hoped and looked for from
the learned and good man, John Bulkley.
The direction to repair the fences is to
take heed in the admission and govern
ment of our members ; we must guard the
church by our Maker's laws, and keep
out stray and vicious cattle from the fold !
And, above all things, set a trustworthy
and vigilant watch over that old black
bull, who is the devil, and who has al
ready broken into our enclosures and
sought to desolate and lay waste the
grounds of our church."
The effect of this interpretation whs
electrical. AH saw and took the force of
Mr. Bulkley's cogent aelvice, and unani
mously resolved to be governed by it;
hence the old black bull was pat hor du
combat, and the church preserved in
The effect produced on the farmer by
the communication intended for the
church, history does not record.
How We Spend Our Money.
There are Deonle who think it a small
matter whether beef costs fifteen or thirty
Cents per pound. What are fifteen cents
to a lofty soul? But more thoughtful
persons find that the large results of the
life of a civilized community are varied by
the size of the fractions which are inces
santly multiplied into each other.
xi one makes it a personal question, it
may be laid down as one of not more than
three or four rules for living, that one must
know just how many cents there are in a
dollar. Or, to take Mr. Micawber's ver
sion : Income, twenty pounds ; expenses,
nineteen pounds and eleven pence ; re
sult, happiness. Income, twenty pounds ;
expenses, twenty pounds and one shilling ;
take your bills for any year, and look
through them carefully. The items below
one dollar are not only the moat numer
ous, but they make the largest sum. The
trifles spent for post-prandial cigars and
like nameless elements of expenditure, do
not get Into bills at all; but twenty to
forty per cent, ot our earnings dribble out
of our purses in fractional currency.
Most of us are engaged in a war with
cents, and eternal vigilance is the price of
Mankind will never be agreed upon a
list of necessities. But, though no gene?
ral statement is possible, it is eur to set
down the necessities of any people. With
the middle class a class determined by
means only these prime wants are meat,
bread, vegetables, fruits, coffee, tea, sugar.
and a few others. To this it mult be
added that house and furniture take one.
third of our incomes. Clothing, fueLjSer
vice and items take another third, and
are kept within that limit only by a very
vigilant management of the buruuu of the.
interior. The man who has a spendthrift
at the head of his office may as well go
under at .once, in short, not more than
one-thid of our incomes can be saved for
the table ; generally less is left for this
purpose. Western Monthly.
A Jealous Sparrow's Revenge.
In the interior of the Tyne dock wagon
shops the attention of one dT the work
men was attracted to the movements of a
pair of sparrows engaged in constructing
a nest in a hollow where two girders met
for the support of the ifon root For
several days they labored most assiduously
in preparing their abode, when by some
sudden freak the progress of the tiny fab
ric was suspended. A few mornings af
terward the ears of the workmen were sa
luted by loud chirruping and fluttering of
wings, and from what transpired subse
quently, it was evident that the female
bird had severed the connubial bond, and
enlisted the ssffections of another, who
now vigorously contested with the re
jected bird for the possession of the nest.
For several hours the conflict continued,
until the usurper proved the stronger.
The rejected bird shortly afterward re
turned and hovered about the spot, ap
parently watching an opportunity for re
venge, xais speedily occurred, ior in tne
course of a short time the newly-Joined
pair left for a
short period. In their ab- J
is. ted sparrow approached
seuca the defeated
the nest, and placing his back beneath the
leathery moss, raised n irom us resting
place, and sent it to the ground. The
surprise of the other birds, on their re
turn, at beholding the demolition of their
dwejling, appeared to be great, and was
amusing to observe. Notwithstanding
this disaster, however, Jhey commenced
building a second nest in the same place,
the rejected mate watching their proceed
ings with apparent interest. After two
days of incessant labor they again left
for a short time, and, taking advantage of
their absence, the disappointed bird again
demolished their residence. The birds,
on their return, commenced building
their third nest, with what result we know
not. Our Own Fireside.
A Word for Good Humor.
Evert man should be sober sometimes.
I once knew one so unfortunate as to be
sober all the time, and yet an honest man.
We have known men that never smiled,
or seldom, whose faces were rigid as an
iron mask, and yet they were kind, sim
ple, and really reliable.
But such are exceptional cases. Uni
form sobriety is" presumptively very much
against a man. He who gives no play to
the gentler feelings has something the
matter with him that should be looked
into before one trusts him.
Mirth itself ia not always honest. But
it tends to openness, to sincerity, to sweet
ness. Mirth has better stuff in it to make
a man of than sobriety has. It, too, is
used sometimes as a mask for hypocrisy ;
but not half so often as sobriety is. Only
consider how many men, quite empty and
worthless, inwardly neither rich nor force
ful, are kept agoing by the mere trick of
When some men come to you it is like
Sunrise. Everything seems to take new
life, and shines. Other men bring night
with them. The chill shadow of their so
briety falls upon every innocent gayety,
and your feelings, like birds at evening,
stop singing ana go to their roost.
Away with these fellows who go owling
through life all the while passing for
birds of paradise.
lie that cannot laugh and be gay should
look well to himself. He should fast and
until his face breaks forth into
A Connecticut cooper has made bar
rels enough to form a Duo ten miles long.
FACTS AND FIGURES.
Tub settlement of Cincinnati was commenced
in December, 1788.
Bkvbwtt-sbvkh different kinds of rice
are cultivated In India.
A i.adt in Maine was left by the war
with 81 orphan grandchildren.
Thkhb are said to be 600,000 French
Canadians in the United States.
Maabtx calculates that she has a popula
tlon of seven hundred thousand.
A Paris female is reading people's for
tunes by the lines on their feet.
Trra Jerseyman who invented patent
leather died recently, worth oret (3,000,
000. Thk outstanding Are per cent, bonds
of the State of Indiana will be redeemed
An experiment in France proves that a
horse will live for twenty-four days on"
" Montr " is the sole unrhymable mon
osyllable in the English language, says the
Thk quantity of malt used in the United
Kingdom in 1887 was 47,880,000 bushels,
each making 18 gallons of beer.
Indianapolis, Ind., propones to cele
brate, on June 7, the fifteenth anniversary
of the location of the State Capital in that
Tint Romanist population of the French
Empire is 36,800,884 ; the Protestant, 1,
501,050; the Jewish, 158,994,
A maw in New Orleans offers to fight
an alligator under water, with only a knife,
if some one will give him $500.
Tub dwellers on the Rhine are wonder
ing at an old man of 70, who bathes in the
icy river, and rests on a cakenr loe.
Sr. John, N. B., ban a mushroom,
grown in a cellar during the winter,
measuring fifteen Inches in circumfer
A CoNNBcnctJT woman, who married
her father-in-law a few years ago, now
thinks the marriage null, and sues him
for services as housekeeper. '
A countst Postmaster in New Fork
State has posted a notice in his office di
recting people " to lick their own stamps,
else the letters wont go."
Thk leaves of the coffee plant are now
proposed as a substitute for tea. In Su
matra the natives cultivate the plan ai-
jnost entirely for the leaves.
Accobuihg to the) circular of Messrs.
Dupee, Beck & Sayles, of Boston, the
amount of tne copper secured from the
Lake Superior mines daring 1809 realized
London city pauperism increases The
number of panpers tn that city In the
second weerHn March was 174,700, to
contrast with 149,165 for the same week
in 1889. The indoor poor were 87,87
Thk Pittsfield KaffU says there is a
woman living on Washington Mountain
who is the mother of twenty-fine chOdres,
IWeill 'lluee ur Whom mi v -raw- living,
and a mora healthy woman is seldom
' It is stated positively that there ia a
young lady in one of he Bkidefotd
Maine) sniUs who is worth at least
10,000, but ho works quietly day by
day, earning her aidollara weekly, in
stead -of retiring with a competency.
It is saiil that the 'machine power of
England and Wales is competent to per
form the labor of nearly six hundred
millions of men, and is probably greater
in productive capacity than the labor
power of all the world b aside
Jkddo, the capital of Japan, la, without
exception, the largest and most populous
city in the world. In contains the vast
number of 1,00,000 dwellings, and 5.000,
000 human souls. Many of the streets are
nineteen Japaneseries in length 22 Eng
Thkrr is a man in the vicinity of
Cedar Keys, Flft , who has t wan ty-two-children
living. The family subsist prin
cipally on fish and oysters. They hare
never had a plate or a cup and saucer in
their house. In-lieu of cups they use
gourds and shells.
A mission Aur in India lately preached
on the subject of faith, illustrated by the
story of Abraham and Isaac, with such
magnetic eloquence that one of his native
slaughtered his son and o
heaters immediately went uoane
ttterea mm up aa
A Frbnch chemist has succeeded in
producing a paint with which to illumi
nate numbers of street doors at night.
Figures traced with it shine so as to be
read through the most profound darkness ;
and the preparation of the compound is
mid to be simple, inexpensive, and unin
Jurious in any way.
Tsn Chinese never have any pockets,
the only places answering for such being
the capacious sleeves. Speaking f the
compression of the women's feet, and the
painful process of compression, a mission
ary recently said he regarded it as less re
volting, and .far less injurious than the
Sractice of compressing the waist by
Or the cases of suicide, mental disorder,
is the most active, one-third ot an cases
that occur being traceable to it ; one-ninth
to physical suffering ; one-eighth to loss
of property ; one-tenth to remorse, shame,
or fear of punishment; one-eighth to
family troubles ; one-ninth to gaming and
other vices, and a very small proportion
to disappointed lore.
Thk total value of property reported
stolen in Chicago the past year, was $203,
292 ; total value of stolen property Becov
ered, $186,902. The total amount of fines
assessed in the Police Court Was $170,670;
total number of arrests, 28,078 ; of these,
23,073 were males, and 0,005 females ;
married, 7,85. i single, 20,46. The num
ber of lost children was 1,067, and the
number of lodgers accommodated, 2,750.
A Baltimokk correspondent writes : -"
Thunder sours milk and kills oysteTs.
You may load a vessel to its utmost ca
pacity, start for market, and one good round
clap of thunder will kill every oyster in
the vessel immediately. Pounding with
an axe upon the deck of a vessel, when
oysters are thereon, or pounding upon
the sides of a vessel with a heavy weight,
will kill every oyster that feels the Jar.
Niagara has receded from a pint
where it was more than 200 feet high to its
present position, with a height of about
150 feet, and it is not unlikely that it may
grind its way back to the lake which
supplies it. On our continent, holding as
it does more than three quartets of the
fresh water bf the world, are to 1 found
the most mighty waterfalls and cataracts
known, among which may be named
Niagara, the falls of the Missouri river,
the Shoshone Falls on the Snake river,
210 feet in height and Immense in volume,
and tlw falls of the Yo-Semito.