Newspaper Page Text
; -ju -Limn in,
I. 6. GOUIiD, Publisher.
Deyoted to the Interests of the Democratic Party, and-the Collection of Local and General News.
Two Dollars per Annum, in Advance,
VOL. VI.--NO. 12.
EATON, OHIO, THURSDAY, JANUARY 2, 1873.
WHOLE NUMBER 297.
Heaven's Fallen Sister.
rtn the aDDanded nleasant sketch of the coun
try juryman felicitating himself noon his libera
tion from legal duty and prospect of soon being
upon toe oia rarm again, tne reader will recog
nise the peculiar genius of s writer whose pre
vious " Farm Ballads" are worth this addition.
The lines are from the Detroit Tribune, and
express, with appropriate simplicity, the refining
ana oenenoont teeling wnioa mast always come
over good hearts abroad at thought of returning
to what Dickens so beautifully calls "Heaven's
fallen buter Home :'J
GOIN' HOME TO-DAY.
My business on the jury's done the quibblin' all
I've watched the lawyers, right and left, and give
my verdict true :
I ttucK so long unto my chair, I thonght I would
And if I do not know myself, they'll get me there
But now the court's adjourned for good, and I
have got my pay ;
I'm loots at last, and. thank the Lord, I'm goin'
IVe somehow felt uneasy, like, since first day I
come down ; ., - .. ... ,
It is an awkward gam to play the gentleman in
And this 'ere Sunday suit of mine, on Sunday
But when I wear the stuff a week, it somehow
gall and frets;
I'd rather wear my homespun rig of pepper, salt.
Ill bare it on in half a jiff, when I get home to
I hare no doubt my wife looked out, as well as
As well as any woman eeuld to see that things
For though Malinda. when I'm there, won't set
her toot out doors.
She's very careful, when I'm gone, to tend to all
But nothing prospers half so well when I go on
And I will put things into shape when I get home
The morning that I came away we had a little
I coolly took my bat and left, before the show
For what I said was naught whereat she ought
to take offense ;
And she was always quick at words, and ready to
But then she's first one to give up when she has
had her say.
And she will meet me with a kiss when Igo home
- to-day. ;
- My Kt'le boy I'll give 'em loave to match him if
' It's fan to see him strut about, and try to be a
The gamest. cheeriest little chap you'd ever want
And then they laugh because I think the child
The little rogue 1 he goes for me like robbers for
their prey ;
Hell torn my pockets inside out when I get home
My little girl I can't contrive how it should
That God could pick that sweet bouquet and fling
it down to us 1
My wife, she says that ban 'sons a face" will some
day make a stir :
And then I laugh, because she thinks the ohild
She'll meet me half way down the hill, and kiss
- And light my heart up with her smiles when I go
- .home to-day 1 .
If there's a heaven upon the earth, a fellow
knows it when
He's been away from home a week, and then gets
If there's a heaven above the earth, there often,
I'U be bound.
Some homesiok fellow meets his folks and hugs
'em all around.
But let my creed be right or wronr. or be it as it
My heaven is just ahead of me I'm goin home
W. M. Carleton.
THE WORLD OF NUMBERS.
If a bad boy could hare been a possi
bility in such a model village as Hay
lington, Tommy Spratt would have been
. that boy ; but, as it was, overawed by
the vicar, the vicar's wife, the vicar's
three strong-minded daughters, the
schoolmaster, the schoolmistress, and
the six pupil teachers, the natural wick
edness of. his disposition only displayed
itself in an intense hatred of study, es
pecially of that division of the " three
R's" known as arithmetic.
f - "I hate figgera, I do; I wish they was
blowed," soliloquized that hardened
youth of ten as ene arithmetic after
noon he set off for school. As support
for the outer man during the fatiguing
.journey be carried in his right hand a
sodden piece of gingerbread, while with
' the other he restrained by a string a
faalf-penny air-ball, colored orange, des
tined to beguile the tedious hours.
Tommy Spratt left his home with no
other intention than that of going
straight to school ; but Tommy Spratt
. was mortal, and one hot, dusty lane led
to the school-room, where a grimy elate
and scrapy pencil awaited him, while
the other meandered through green
fields, he did not even hesitate, but
turned at once into the shauy paths of
" He cast himself on the grass and pre
- pared to take an invigorating taste of
the delicious though crumbly refresh-
ment he had provided, having first care
fully secured his air ball to the leathern
- belt, which, fastened by a brazen buckle
. in the shape of an uncoiled dragon,
gathered his Holland blouse into grace
ful folds. Now, whether Master Tom
my's dereliction from the paths of vir
tue rendered him no longer amenable
to tha laws of gravity, or whether the
air-ball asas endowed with, supernatural
powers, it is impossible to say ; all that
j. this veracious chronicle can tell is, that
- instead of Tommy keeping the minia
ture balloon down on earth, it, like Mr.
" Raised a mortal to the skies."
" " Hullo 1" he cried in alarm ; " I don't
like this.. Let me go."
But by degrees he grew accustomed
io the Beneation, and rather erjjoyed it
than otherwise; it was so pleasant it
soothed him to slumber a slumber
frm which he was aroused by a violent
- concussion of his head against a corner
How Ions he lay in a state of semi
insensibility he never knew ; but at last
he struggled and sat upright, finding
himself, the air-ball still attached to his
belt, in a crowd of odd-JookiDg creatures,
They all of them varied in size, but
they were as a rule below the stature of
. . human beings, the most remarkable
thing about them being that every one,
like the sandwich men of London, car
ried a board on which was inscribed
. ...tvery description of number.
When they saw Tom open his eyes,
there was one universal question : " Who
" Oh ! pleaee don't," said Tommy, in
mortal dread. " I ain't at all good to
eat, but this here is," tendering them
the remains of the ' gingerbread, which
- had been reduced to a shapeless mass
during the perils of his journey.
No one seemed to take any notice of
Master Spratt's suggestion, but one stout
old man, bearing the number asKea
v.itn dignity :
"Are you evep or uneven?"
Tom scratched his head, unable to re
ply, and a second broke in with :
" What's your number ?"
" 16," replied Tom, readily, that being
tne numDer in caiaciava cottages, v ic
toria row, where Mrs. Spratt had lately
taken up her humble abode.
" That you ain't," cried an indignant
voice ; and a short, lussy gentleman
burst from the crowd, and pointed to
the legend lb inscribed upon his board,
" Here, 2, 4,8!"
In obedience to his call, three num
bers bowed humbly before him.
" Chastise that fellow !"
"That's mean," blubbered Tom.
"Three upon one I Yer ought to be
ashamed of yerselves, yer ought. Give
me a hand up, one ot yer."
The cry again arose: "Who divides
you ?" and the first stout man added,
with some contempt:
" 1 must. 2, run and fetch 1."
" Fetch him yourself," retorted 2. "I
don't divide you."
441 cast an anxious glance around ;
then, catching sight of 3, he began
promptly : " 3, depart and seek for 1,"
when the hurried entrance of a new
comer rendered the dispatch of the mes
He was a jaded, harassed boy, whose
countenance might have been pretty
but for a certain strained look of atten
tion. His whole body appeared worn
out with fatigue as he feebly gasped.
" Where's 5 ? I've been all over the
town looking for you, 5," he added, re
proachfully, as the other drew near.
The army want you to black their
5 immediately started off at a rapid
pace, while 16 said :
"Come, look alive I help that young
ster out of the gutter."
1 meekly obeyed : but when he caught
a better view of Tom's figure, he an
He hasn't got a number. I don't
see why I should wait on him any more
than the others."
" But, my dear 1," murmured 3, in a
tone of cutting contempt, "you know
you divide everything."
And so saying the crowd moved on.
IC having first ordered 2, 4 and 8 to
cut away the air-ball from Tommy's
At any other time Master Spratt
would have bewailed the loss, but that
moment it passed unnoticed, as he was
intent upon his new comp nion, who
inquired of 8 what he was to do with
this unnumbered boy, tne adjective being
uttered with as much contempt as an
inhabitant of this world would throw
into the term unlettered.
" Take him to the king to be regis
tered," retorted 8, and flaw off to answer
a hasty summons from 24.
What place is this?" asfced Tommy,
Multiplication lane, and that's ituie-
of-Three market," returned bis com
panion. " But come, now. what is your
Tommy felt ashamed to confess he
didn't know ; he thought he'd like to
be No. 1.
" Don't you I" replied the other, mis-
anthropically. " I'm 1."
" Uan t there be anotner l c
"I wish there could," retorted his
Tommy ventured to ask, " Why ?"
" Because it'd d vide the work, but
nothing can't divide 1."
" But what is all this about division ?"
inquired Tom, whose escape from the
, . , i a i j i: . i e
aiternoon lesson naa ieu uuu uio a jar
wider field of figures.
" Why, don't you know that every
figure may order about those that divide
it ? They're his slaves. 2, 4, and 8
have to wait on 16, and 16 has to wait
on 32, and they all have to wait on 64.
Some of them may have many servants,
some have but few, but they all have
There was a world of pathos in his
Of course," said Tom, " 1 divides
" Yes, everything, even 2 and ; and
they're the hardest masters of all; they've
a deal of waiting to do ; but they shift
most of it on to me. But here we are
at arithmetical progression."
" What's that? ' abKed Master spratt.
" The king's palace, of course. Stop
a moment, though." And 1 drew re
spectfully back, as an elderly gentleman
with a large board, on which was in
scribed 482964, stopped up the doorway.
" Where are you going, 1, the indivis
1 grew red at the taunt: his weak
point was his indivisibility. .
" 1 am going, u many-ngured 4o:syo,
to the king, and bear with me the un
482064 drew back his skirts to let
them, pass, and the boys hurried on
through a long line of soldiers who,
Tommy observed, were all uneven mul
tiples of 5. On his requesting an ex
planation of this, 1 said :
" They're the army ; all the 5's are
soldiers, and all the 7's are sailors, aDd
where the two meet, as tx 5 or luo,
they serve as marines on alternate
Uh I" said Tommy, and tne matter
They passed on through the outer
courts into an inner chamber, wbere a
large and merry party were assembled.
In one corner a croup of princesses, the
very lowest of whom was at least a mil
lion, were playing at " buzz," with such
rapidity and precision that Tommy's
head swam with the effort of following
them. In another portion of the room
a little princess (whose number termi
nated in five noughts, such being the
royal prerogative) was doing her sums
by means of her father's subjects, who
stood on one another's heads, and
whirled in and out in a manner incom
prehensible to ordinary mortals, accus
tomed to the comparatively tame use of
slate and pencil.
The king reclined upon a ceucb, dedi
cating a new novel, entitled " Comic
Sections," to four secretaries at once.
" Whence comes this Lumberless
creature ? And 1, too ! 1, how darest
thou intrude within the groves of arith
metical progression ?"
" O thou of many numbers 1" an
Bwered 1, prostrating himself, " I have
brought hither this boy, who has de
scended on this earth by a strange con
veyance, hitherto unknown, in order
that thou, O most divisible shouldst be
stow on him a number and a place in
the royal register."
The king frowned, the secretaries fol-
lowed suit, and the unhappy 1 sack
beneath the glowing storm of their
" What number shall we give him ?"
sa'.d the king, pensively. " Fetch hither
- A small detachment of subjects car
ried in with difficulty 8,900 volumes,
and the four secretaries set to work with
After looking for some hours, one of
the secretaries, with a low bow, an
nounced all were occupied that the
last number used was 89,999,999, and
that therefore the new-comer must be
The king for one moment foamed at
the mouth ; then, recovering his speech,
flew at the secretary (71032), and, tear
ing off his number, cried :
"The traitor has dared to propose
that this stranger, this indivisible boy,
shall henceforth become one of the
royal family one of the nearest to our
own person I"
.Every one hooted 7lUdZ, who bid be
hind his fellow secretaries to escape the
4 No," continued the prince, " some
other plan must be thought of. Who
ever brings, before to-morrow at noon,
an unoccupied number, not over 89,999,
999, for this boy, shall have a nought
added to his name."
The people Bhouted and withdrew :
but Tommy, who had never before
looked on royalty, lingered behind to
stare open-mouthed at the gorgeous
rooms and grand company.
I be King continued bis dictation,
never observing the absence of 72032 :
so every 4th chapter of the novel was
missing ; but this, of course, only made
it the more interesting. -
Tommy"s!5uriosity soon got the better
of his manners, and he interrupted them
" What did you have for dinner 7
what's your name? and how old are
" Boy," said the prince,. " you are as
" Well, come now, that ain't my lault,
you know," argued Tommy.
The king had never seen it in this
light before, and his face grew milder
and more gentle, so Tommy dared to
" What 8 your name, or number 7 "
" I," said the king, with pride, " I am
the Innumerable Nought."
" Whatever is that ?" thought Tommy:
but he didn't ask, only went on to him
self, "JN ought into nought, nought re
mains; multiply by nought, and then
divide by nought, and the answer is
nought." But he soon became confused
and gave it up.
" You do not seem to understand1
And so saying, the king unwound
from his waist ' a white satin scarf of
prodigious length, on which was em
broidered in gold thread an endless suc
cession of noughts thus, 00000000, etc
Tom looked at him with awe.
" What divides you?" he asked, re
peating the current phrase, and acting
up to the spirit of that proverb which
advises you what course to pursue when
you find ' yourself in the city of the
" Evervfc.' insr I" was the proud rerjlv :
on which Tommy resumed his former
calculations, and relapsed into a tem
porary state of hopeless imbecility.
No. 1, and Tommy both passed a rest
less and feverish night ; but ere they
left for Arithmetical Progression in the
morning, the mind of No. 1 was made
up. He would gain the promised
nought ; and being thus promoted to 10
(while the original of that number was
degraded to his humble position), he
would have no less than three servants.
" And which of you," asked the In
numerable Nought. " has thought of a
number to bestow on this waif of the
His majesty piqued himself on the
poetical turn of his sentence.
" Please sir, I have." And I stepped
forwsrd with a little bow and flourish.
" Well," said 0 , eyeing him scorn
fully, " proceed."
" O, 0 the inbnate, what it he should
be a fraction?"
" A what ?" asked a chorus of voices.
What in the world of numbers do you
" May I never be divided," said the
king, " if I can understand you I"
- mo. 1 began to explain what a Trac
tion was, and suggested that Tommy
should be J.
" And 1 should not have dared to pro
pose this if it had not been that the
wretched boy had hitherto been num
berless, and thereore halfLaJoaf would
be better than no bread."
The king, ever ready to encourage
talent, by his example, and to reward
it lavishly with smiles, held out his
hand to No. 1, who knelt and humbly
" Your ingenuity is as virtue ever is
its own reward. You are no longer
the lowest in the kingdom; for Tommy
Spratt " (that young gentleman had
been careful, in the absence of any num
ber to which he could lay claim, to in
form them of his name), " for Tommy
Spratt takes his place- as the slave of
. , 1 -Ft
Slaves ana divisor oi i.
Tommv was about to weep he had
actually gone so far as to lift his cuff
for the purpose ot drying his eyes, when
a thought struck him.
" And where's i then ? He'd divide
me, and I, and 1-16, and 1-32, and 1-647
he went on, taking a spiteful delight in
seeing the grand blank of incomprehen
sion which overspread the features of
his listeners. " And 1 dare say, it tne
truth was known, you're some of your
" Youth," said the king, in a tone of
the utmost seventy, " be silent l
" And I have heard,".eentinued Tom
my, whose hitherto-despised and hated
arithmetic began to stand him in good
stead, " and 1 have heard tell of deci
mals, and if you are innumerable, I be
lieve you're neither more nor less than
a circulating decimal yourselt l"
For one moment only the king was
stunned by Tommy s unexplained au
dacity ; then his great mind rose to the
" He is convicted by his own mouth
of treason," for though, 0 was ignorant
of the meaning of the word, he guessed
no compliment was intended by the
term. " lake him and one to the bat
tlements, and cast them into the moat."
Once more Tommy found himself the
center ot a crowd ot numbers, who,
seizing on him and the hapless 1, bound
them together hand and foot, and bore
them in triumph to the battlements,
They only me with one slight interrup.
tion, when a wrathlul number, with a
cruel laugb, fastened to them the air
ball, the faithful companion of Tom's
perilous voyage to that inhospitable
Thus they proceeded in a procession
to the ramparts, when a large crowd was
assembled to witness their execution.
With many a taunt and jeer they toss
ed them over, but, to the - astonishment
of the multitude, after einking slowly
for some seconds', the l-ir-ball began to
take effect, and, impelled by a favoring
breeze, they arose out of reach of their
Ere he could utter a word of thank
fulness of joy at this unexpected eliv
eronce, Tommy Spratt found himself ly
ing in the grass under the shady tree,,
the gingerbread crumbled to nothing in
his hand, and the air-ball floating serene
ly above him.
From that day Tommy Spratt became
a changed boy, remarkable especially
for two good Qualities his perseverine
attention to arithmetic, and his unre
mitting and tender care of No. 1.
Mood t Jjondon Vomtc Annual.
The Mikado of Japan is 22 years old.
Prussia uses American paper for her
Oxford University has a yearly income
Sweden, Spain and J span have adopt
ed our school system. '
Four thousand gondalas are in daily
use in the c'ty of Venice.
One of King Victor Emanuel's sons
is in the banking business at Naples.
Paris has a shop keeper who pastes
advertisements on the backs of bank
A single Parisian publisher has brough t
out two hundred varieties of almanacs
Hans Christian Andersen has been
obliged to abandon his pen on account
of a failure of sight. "
iN.Pesth the other day, a youth of
sixteen recited at an exhibition the
Lord's Prayer in twenty-two languages.
Eight bailoonists have been decora
ted by President Thiers for "hautes ser
vices" during the Franco Prussian cam
paign, v-, --
A journalist in Padua 1 as been se
verely fined for saying1 that he never
saw a more repulsive-looking man than
King Victor Emanuel.
The Emporer Francis Joseph,' it is
said, is cogitating seriously whether or
not it would be be?t for him to abdicate
his crown in favor of his brother Henry.
Amelia B. Edwards, in a recent novel,
talks of her hero "goiDg backwards and
forwards between the court-yard and
vineyard like an overseer in a Massa
chusetts cotton-field !''
Mr. Hollow at, the patent pill poten
tate, is about to build in England at 'a
cost of nearly $500,000 an insane asylum;
presumably to show his gratitude to the
class from whom most of his fortune
The Crown-Prince of Sweden is a very
sickly boy, and the general belief in
Stockholm is that, at the death of the
present King of SwecfenJ "Scandinavia
will be united again under the scepter
of Frederick, now Crown-Prince of Den
Queen Victoria has a favorite called
Suarp, a shepherd's dog which plays the
watch dog lor ' her majesty with the
most fierce jealousy. He appropriates
his mistress' chair and keeps it at pleas
ure, if she tas.es it in his absence he
springs up and makes room for himself
as best he can, when he sleeps with one
eye open in virtue ot his responsible po
sition. He has a great aversion to cats
and strangers, and is the reverse of
another of the Uueen s lavorites, being
dishonest and addicted to stealing.
A Good Word for the Country Publisher.
Mr. Josiah A. Noonan, a well-known
paper manufacturer of Milwaukee, has
recently gone into voluntary bank
ruptcy. In answer to a friendly refer
ence im a Milwaukee paper to his mis-"
fortune, Mr. is. has published a card
explanatory of his affairs, in wh'"ch he
utters some very wholesome truths.
Among the consequences ot his bank
ruptcy he regrets the temporary inter
ruption ot his business relations with
the publishers of Wisconsin, Northern
Iowa, Minnesota, and Western Michi
gan, with whom he has had constant re
lations for twenty-two years. In his
business with them, mostly on credit,
and amounting to millions of dollars,
and extending over nearly a quarter of
a century, he states his entire loss by
bad debts was less than S10.UUO. Me
questions whether a like showing could
be made ot the same amount ot dealing
with men in any other business or pro
fession. Upon this point he says :
" I have many times felt my blood
stir faster when I. have presented the
note of a customer-publisher to a bank
to be cashed outside of my place .of
business to have some pinched-up
squirt of a teller, cashier or President
look up with that peculiarly sinister
and supercilious smirk, known only to
those of that calling, and inquire, "Is
the maker of that paper an editor?"
When told he was. then to hear him
say, " We don't like those country
printers' notes; tney are not generally
paid." The poor devil, in all probabil
ity, was, at the time of the dialogue,
shinning around to raise means to cover
up some of his own wheat or stock gam
bling losses. There were more brains,
business integrity and tact in the north'
east corner of the ceuntry editor's head
who made the note than there ever was
under the skulls of any three genera
tions of the self-sufficient and narrow-
gauged whelps who put the question."
Boston was valued at Bix billions be
fore the fire.
Paris, Ky., has a man who sheds his
toe nails every year.
Chicago is to have a grand Crystal
Palace, 200 by 600 feet.
Wool in Colorado is worth eighteen
cents a pound. Go West. .
San Francisco has a new paper with
the pleasing title of Grizzly.
There are 250,000 square miles of the
earth's surface underlaid with coal.
There has not been a conviction for
gambling in New York for twenty-five
What an awful lonesome man that
solitary Democrat in the Maine Senate
Norwegians keep the small-pox away
by wearing a bag of sunflower seeds
around the neck. -
The seventy-three Chinamen who first
came to North Adams, Mass., have laid
up $37,000 above all expenses since they
Holbrook's Arizona expedition has
left Denver. It carries a printing-press
and other instruments of civilization,
and proposes to found a new town in
the diamond district.
Recently T.0OO kangaroo hides were
brought to San Francisco, and a deli
cate, soft leather was manufactured,
which is said to have been less brittle
and less permeable to water than calf
skin. The geyser region of the upper Yel
lowstone, which Congress has wisely
made sacred to the people, is unques-.
tionablv the most astonishing combina
tion of natural wonders and of imposing
and beautiful scenery in the world.
That portion of the Columbia Vasin
lying within the Territory of Washing
ton is capable of producing fifty million
bushels of wheat annually, besides a
due proportion of other cereal, vegeta
bles, fruits, and an inexhaustible sup
ply of the finest grass in the world.
The question is asked in New York,
"Are the bets on Grant and Greeley
off?' A rule of the turf is, where there
is no chance to win there can be no
loss. Bets on Mr. Greeley are in that
category. If the turf regulation holds
good in the betting circle, this will prove
a nut tor them to cracK.
The Italian opera season came to a
close in New York last week, after forty
performances, at ten ot which Mibb Jvel-
logg was the star and Lucca at the other
thirty. the performances at which
Mies Kellogg was the attraction gave a
return of $21,620, and Lucca was worth
$128,793, making the gross receipts
150,413. This exceeds by nearly $30,000
the sum that JNUsson brought to the
treasury last year.
The great English chancery suit of
Tom ley vs. Chase heirs, involving an
estate of 50,000,000 sterling, or about
$260,000,000, which has been in the
London courts tor the last thirty years,
has been decided in favor of the Chase
heirs, who number about 100. Mr. B.
F. Chase, of .Louisville, received intelli
gence of his good fortune while watch
ing the turning oi the wheel in the late
Edwin Forrest left a fortune of up
ward of $1,000,000.
Job Jefferson is wintering on his
Jakes T. Fields thinks we read too
much and think too little.
A muirnii of John Q-. Saxe. tha noftt.
is a cattle drover in California.
M. C. Mitchell, the new Senator
from Oregon, is a five millionaire.
Joaquin Miller drew his first inspira
tion in Plainfield, Hendricks county,
All of Sir Walter Scott's race are gone
now but a great granddaughter, a girl
In St. Louis there is a policeman
named Heavens ; in Chicago there is one
Osborne P. Anderson, the last sur
vivor of the John Brown raid, has just
died at Washington.
The late Samuel N. Pike made his
fortune of ten or twelve million dollars
in less than twenty years.
Henry M. Stanley, having failed as a
lecturer before a metropolitan audience,
is about to make a raid on the provincial
The bequest of Mr. Horace Hawes, of
San Francisco, of $1,000,000 to found a
college, has been declared invalid, on
the ground ot the testator's insanity.
And now comes Lewis H. Noe, an
nouncing bis intention to mount the
lecture rostrum and expose that " for
eigner and fraud, Henry M. Stanley."
Father Tom Burke says - that the
highest title on earth is that of Ameri
can citizen ; and that next to tne cross,
" the greatest shadow '.is that of ' the
stars and stripes' of free America."
Mrs. L. "Virginia French, a Southern
poetess of some repute in ante-bellum
days, but who has languished in ob
scurity the past few years, has come to
the surface again, and our Southern ex
changes teem with her enusions.
Mrs. Augusta M. Ro doers, of Brook
lyn, has in less than four years received
lettei s patent from our Government for
as many as four different inventions : A
mof quito canopy, a folding chair, a plan
for heating ct.r witnout hre, and an im
provement in spark-arresters (to be ap
plied to locomotives). The first two are
also to-day protected by the great seal
It seems a little odd that many of the
members of the Greeley family, always
noted for strict plainess and practica
bility, should have evinced such a fond
ness for sentimental christenings. Mr.
Greeley's daughters are named Ida
Lilian and Gabrielle Miriam, and his
nieces Pauline Cecilia and Jiivangeline,
There must have been a liberal element
of romance somewhere m the family.
How Jones Outwitted the Mosquitoes.
Old Jones has been playing a sharp
game on the mosquitoes. You see, he
had a mosquito net on his bed, but the
persevering insects used to get inside in
the - day-time, and ' when old Jone
sought his couch to court the drowsy
god they used to make sweet music for
him, and bore holes in him, and let his
blood out, and old Jones, you under
stand, couldn't stand it all. But he is
squ ire on those mosquitoes now, Jones is.
You see, he goes to bed and leaves the
net about half open, and then the mos
quitoes, thinking they have got a soft
tnmg, swarm in and begin ta buza.
When he thinks they are all inside, old
Jones quietly slips out and closes up the
net tight, and there he has them. And
then he makes up a nice bed on the
floor, and lays there and kicks up his
old heels, and laughs at those poor,
swindled mosquitoes, and those mosqui
toes tear around in that net and break
their necks against the bars trying to get
out, and they hold indignation , meet
ings and protest, and all that. Why,
the mosquitoes in that room look like
living skeletons, and still old Jones is
heartless enough to keep right on fool
ing those poor insects, and laughing at
Locusts as Food.
One naturally supposes that consider
able courage was possessed by the
first person who cooked and ate a locust,
hence the theory that famine and starv
ation, caused by the terrible ravages of
armies of locusts, first caused the insect-
invaders themselves to be eaten. As
th'ey were found to be nutritious and
not unpalatable, they came in this way
to be considered a staple article of diet.
The earliest Asiatic or African history
informs us of their use as food, and they
are thus occasionally mentioned in Gre
cian an Dais. J he Arabs and Africans now
consume them in the greatest quanti
ties. - they are gathered from the trees
where they alight, are brought down
when flying low, by making a dense
smoke. They are then roasted with
salt in an underground oven, bruised
and put away . for use. . For. the table,
thev are pulverized and made into a
pudding, or' divested of their heads,
wings and legs, are boiled in water or
oil. . They resemble in consistence and
flavor the yolks of hard boiled ergs, and
various .English travelers agree that
they are very good eating.
Photographing the Eye and Ear.
That the interior of the human eye
has been photographed is well known ;
though the experiment is a somewhat
cruel one for a living subject, still there
are victims who endure it. An instance
of tliis kind is given by Dr Vogel that
of a very handsome young lady (whose
brother is a physician), who patiently
takes extract of belladonna until the
pupil has become sufficiently large ; the
interior of the eye is then illuminated
with magnesium - light photographed.
In a similar manner has the ear been
photographed that is to say, the
tympanum only. A tube is inserted, in
which is a mirror, inclined at a certain
angle. The mirror throws light into the
interior of the ear, and is also provided
w th a central hole, through which the
illuminated tympanum can be inspected.
A By stem of lenses projects an image on
the sensitive plate, and the picture is
made in the ordinary manner. ..
Intensely cold, stormy and ice-bound
as all nature is at the Arctic circle, there
aTe evidences in multiplied forms to
prove that the climate in those inhos-
pitaoie aDoaes oi tne wmte near ana
walrus was once as mild, warm and de
lightful as in the Island of Cuba.
Vegetable productions of the soil so
ancient we have no data to reckon from
are abundant. These grew luxuriantly
where it is almost impossible to sustain
either plants or animals with all the ap
pliances of art, and from their structure
are particularly fitted for a tropical
climate. This statement requires no
proof, since the archives of geology
verify them by preserved specimens in
the rocks, the land and caverns of the
What forces produced the change
from a mild to a terrific region of storms
in their most fitful exhibitions of resist
less fury 1 The polarity of the earth
must have been suddenly changed.
A Small-Pox Rebellion.
A rather curious piece of intelligence
reaches us concerning the recent out
break among the natives ot Uhodshent,
Central Asia. . . The disturbance waa
caused by the authorities protecting the
people irom the smaii-pox.. Accompa
nied by Cossacks, the Bussian surgeons
enter village after village, and inoculate
all the inhabitants with- the benehciai
virus. At Chodshent the terrified na
tives, fancying the punctures to mark
those intended to be transported to
Russia, rose up against the Cossacks,
killed two of them, and also murdered
one of their own elders who was com
pelled to assist at the (lo them) horrible
ceremony. A Russian force being called
to disperse the rioters, two of the dis
turbers were executed, nine sent to the
Siberian mines, ten banished to the
North Pole, and several thousand fined
Two of those banished were cruelly
massacred by their escorts before they
had left the borders of Turxistan.
Blood as Diet.
Attention having been drawn by Prof.
Panum, of the University of Copen
hagen, to the amount of nutritious mat
ter contained in blood and usually en
tirely lost, Dr. Neilsen of that city has
been endeavoring to solve the problem
of fixing blood in forms suitable for
food, and at the same time capable of
preservation, namely : a rrst, as sausages,
puddings, and cakes being mixed with
fat, meal, sugar, salt, and a few sp ces
to serve aa a much cheaper compensa
tion or substitute for meat, and intended
more especially for the use of the poorer
classes ; and, second, as blood chocolate,
more especially suitable to be used in
hospitals, as well as otherwise in medi
cal practice, in which latter form it has
been recommended by rrot. iranum, at
a meeting of physicians at Copenhagen
and is now being employed in some of
the hospitals of that city.
We dislike dnnnlDz: we dislike to be donned:
we dislike to dun anybody; hence nr debtors
must not imaciae that we take a delight la pro-d-jeing
in oar columns the following parody"
from an irate qaill-driver eu a passage In Long
fellow's " Hiawatha:"! . ,
Sboald you ask us why this dnnninjr. -' - '
Why these said complaints and murmurs.
Murmurs loud about delinquents
Who have read the paper weekly. ,. . . j
Raad what thsy have nerer paid for.
Read with pleasure and with profit, ' .
Bead of church affairs and prospeete. - '
Read of news both home and foreign
Read the eays and the poems.
Full of wisdom and instruetions: , ,
Read the table and the markets. 4 '.
Carefully corrected weekly
- Should you ask ua why this dunning.
We thould answer, we should tell you, ; ,
From the printer, from the mailer.
From tha kind old paper maker, .
From the landlord, from the earner.
From the man who taxes letters ,
With a stamp from Uncle Ssmuet
Unole Sam tho rowdies eall bin! : . ..
From them all there eomee a message,'
Message kind, but firmly spoken,
" Please to pay us what yon owe us.
Would you lift a burden from us T
Would you drive a specter from you T :
Would you taste a pleasant slumber T
Would you have a quiet conscience T
Would you read a paper paid for T
Bend us money send us money, .
Send the money thst you owe us 1
When is it right to take any one in ?
When it rains. ' ! -
"Transported" for life The .man
who marries happily, - , ,. ,
The whole number of dead letters last
year was $4,241,374.
Too pull for utterance The man who
filled his mouth with hot baked apple.
Why is the inBile of a thing- unin
telligible? Because we can't make it out,
An ill-natured, pussy man is like a
tallow candle.. He always sputters when
heisputout. 1 " ' T
Widows' mourning caps are now called
"caps of liberty.". . Complimentary . to
the dear departed.'
'' "Keep 'em alive,' boy; keep 'em
alive,", said an old physician to his
young brother practitioner. "Dead
men pay no bills." ' ' ' ' " ' "
" There; hOw," cried little Bessie, the
other day, rummaging a drawer in tha
bureau, " grandpa has gone to heaven
without his spectacles." ' . ' : .'
It is with diseases of the mind as with
those of the body ; we are half dead
before we understand our disordert and
half cured when we do. ' ' ' : ' "
' Men are frequentiy" like - tea. ' The
real strength and goodness is not prop
erly drawn put of them until they have
been a short time in hot water.
Is there a letter ' here for Mike
Howe?" asked a lady at the Springfield
postofSce. : " There is no letter here for
anybody's cow," was the gruff reply.
A Western paper chronicles the hang-'
ing of a horse thief thus: " Mr. Jim
Clemton, equine abductor, of Minnesota,
was lately the victim of a necktie sociable,"--
- Wendell Phillips' famous. lecture on
" The Lost Arts" has beelf captured at
last by a phonographi4reporter, and
published in full in the Jfew York Trib
une. -- V
, What house pet is t at so generally
admired, sought after sUUyalued, yet
more abused, trampled Upon," kicked ..
about, looked down upon, and whipped
than any otner? A ca-pet. . , (r,T
A" man lately made . wager, that he
had seen a horse going at his-greatest
speed and a dog sitting on his tail, 'and,
strange as it may seemt he won, but the
do was sitting on his own taiL ' ----- '
Those marine boots, lately invented
in Paris, bv which .thewearer could as ,
easily walk upon water, as land, have
been tried. Ther were not a success,
except where submatine observation is
the object, for, althdugh the boots float,
the wearer is left to hang on the surface
of the water by them in an inverted
position. .--..it.':- 1 . - - . r
On board the vessels of .theCunard
line, says the London Court Journal, the
church, service is. read : every Sunday
morning. The muster roll of the crew
is called over, and they attend service.
A gentleman said to one ot tne Bailors :
"Are you obliged to attend public serv- ;
ice?" "Not exactly obliged, sir, replied.
Jack. "we should lose our grog if we
diin't." , . , . ..
"I'say, ain't you going to send .that
boy to school T ,rN6," sir. He went
one day and cemed ,'ome. an; in', it was
wrong to get drunk. D'you think I'll i
have my p'rental feel in 's outraged, and
all the sweet infl'ences,o' 'ome affecshun
broken by swells a teach in' of 'im such
things. Come, an't you goin' to stand a
pint?" ' -.;:--
The New World's Orasd Remedy.
The Old World has played its part in
vegetable medication. But the botany
of the New World is, as yet, imperfectly
explored. One yew and most important
revelation from that land of wonders
California jhaa astonished the scientific,
and accomplished such cures of diseases
of the stomach and bowels, bilious com
plaints, malarious fevers, nervous aheo
tions, and all diseases proceeding from a
vitiated condition of the blood, as have
never before been witnessed. - '
Before Walker's California Vinbga
Bitters all the alcoholic and mineral, .
medicines are rapidly falling into dis
use. They cannot resist the overpower
ing evidence brought forward every day
of the immense superiority of this med
icine. Not a drop of any variety of die- ,
tilled or fermented liquor or mineral
poison enters, into its composition. It
is a gentle aperient, a tonic, tlerived
from entirely new vegetable sources, an
unrival.d stomachic, ' admirable in all
pulmonary diseases ; and, in fact, as
near to universal remedy as botanical
dUcovtryand scientific skill can hope
to attain. Dr. Walker considers it a
cure for all diseases not organic, and
really the great variety of diseases in
which it is successful' seems to warrant
the opinion. Every family needs such
a remedy. It saves pain, anxiety and
doctors' bill. We know what trouble
it is to keep the bowels of children in
order, and - any remedy that "will
strengthen and regu'ato their weak and
variable dieestion must be a domestic
blessing. Com, .