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Th' question rr how manny can be accomydated on a canvas cot bed,"
Th' ambylances ar-re standin' at th* dure, an' th* hiilishy ar-rc sleepin' on their ar-rms."
j ? T~"7" / ELL, sir," said M r. Dry-ley, " in a few
YY more days ua Dinimycrats will kriow
th' worst until our own convintion
meets. Fr'm far an' near Republicans
Arre gathered in our hospital city to discuss th'
solrrrmi issues iv th' day, an' they ar-rc now join'
it in frnnr iv a tnousan' bars. Th' gr-rcat ques?
tion ir how manny alternates can be accomydated
cm a canvas cot be i i.; l>era' settled at this very
Tinny if at th' Hotel SVile Aise on dark sthrcct.
1 ain't a number iv th' comity on iiUcrtainmcnt,
though I will gladly do me share if anny iv th'
v's?tin' statesmen ;;et out this fnr with th' price,
brrt I believe tliry'rc bedn' regally tatertaincd. A
dllljngatE fr'm Mis?.oury v/as much flattered at
ban' met at th' station be a tall, stout man with
r. black horseshoe mustache who inthrajooced
Lirns?r as Sinstor Lodge, walked th' di'lygate
down to th' lake front, an' deprived him iv ivry
thing be liad but Iiis change iv cAllar an' his vote
era permanent organization. An alternate fr'm
LArkansavr nepcorts that he'd harHy been in town
ten rchrrits whin he was invited into a poker
game whrh Siniior Crane, Sinitor Root, ex-Prisi
ilmi Fairbanks, Siciior Dboon, an' Nicholas Mur
ray Rtnler. He held good hands but was de?
" Am I gain7 fn tiV convirt'on? What a ques?
tion to z~k a spocnin' charakter. If a fellow was
to came to ye an' say: ' Here's a free ticket Pr a
rximtryxratiorn hr th' Chicago fire. Saint Ikirtholo
iiajtr's nassacree, the battle iv th* Boync, th' life
Iv Jesse Jarner^ an' th' night rw th' big wind, an*
fell th' vicihra %riJI be ye'er tliraditioual inimies,'
-wod ye talre it or wad* ye not? Ye bet I'm goin*.
I haven tzzttd on th' (hire. He was too important
a man to be a dillygaie at large, so they made
3iim a ticket cisopp-r, an' ad's grjin' to pass mc in.
iH grt a seal sameirherc tha? I can sec th'
?Jxrngfde fr hnzxm rights gain' on but fur
enough away so I yron't to splashed.
** If ccars-J X*m gain' 5 I ha /en'i missed a riot
an fins nSgbhoifeocd in '. irty years, an' onicss I'm
cl^et?rod be ti'.* vena! Ivencbiican press this wan
fcrr] reyr?ce th* hear"--, a.-. liogasi says. But I
Vrcn't go as a Rcpahaca \ I'm a hardy man, but
If arrny ioa comes to me anJ begins ' Fellow
feepabSran,* Fil cry oat: 'Take ye're hand o?I
ye'cr gun. Ye have navrtiiiri' agin me. I'm a
DlnxrrrjTrra'LT I any niih me Uncle '.:i!re v/as
feEraLj Tioi7 he vadVe injyed i?i Me Uncle
Mike -sras grosin* dhx^aSlnietl with th' Dimmy
crat par:'j tcrVds t.Y blessed end, but be cudden't
hi inaoe to jin^ ii>' Republicans because he said
Ca VjqabY.zLJi i*c<-/ cn'erc.l no mjoccements to
a ticiB hr taJtst. Uncle Mike's taleai as a staie
iraa -sras all to ?f end . hr his arm3 or in his boots,
am* hr *aa a gran? debater. I niver kne?/ but
man tiasai her answered his srgymin'is, an'
&sr? X2.5 a 1-,-ad bo th' :r.ta! r/ Costello fr'm New
.Y.fj:!c, Bn$ hr med z diair. If me Uncle Mike
w-?5 a?-k tcday !vj'<i be waa ryStfa' l'adm' Repub
ifican? rr lli' whole; conaihry. He'd be a grand
figsrx? coa tx' Hare r?r th' convintion. A debate
b?!rxr?3S3 her.-: r.n' Eiihco Root on some constitu
tiruf>i3 ipbi irud be ty?dl worth m?u;', with me
Uncle Mike on top an' Elihoo argyin' agin crool
an' onnsual punLshmcnt.
" Yesr sir; 'twill be grand 'Twill be fine if
they have wan convirrtion an' twice as fine if they
have two. If they hould two 'twud be pleasant if
both cud take place in th' same hall, with maybe
a little La Follette convention dancin' round on th'
outside an' heavin' a rock into th'" sthrugglin'
mass f r'm time to time.
" But I ain't goin' to give anny advice, Hin
nissy. Whin this sthruggle began I had a mind
to ofler me frindly counsel as a man iv expeer
yence. Ye know that manny years ago whin I
was in poilyticks I occypied an' officyal position
with tii' centhral comity iv our own gloryous
party. Me jooty was to stand outside an' take
care iv th' co-ite.-tin' dillygates whin they come
out aftber respectfully presintin' their pcttyshun.
Th' ordher iv procedure was first to throw out th'
contcstin' dillygate, thin his hat, thin his contest.
Me Uncle Mike was chairman iv th' comity, an'
he wud come to th' window in Finucane's hall an'
call out: ' Th' comity has decided advarse to
Owgoost Schmitt iv th' Sixth precinct. Here fie
comes, boys. Catch him.' So whin th' Repub?
licans begun to adopt our fine old Diminycratic
system, thinks I to mcsilf: ' They need help fr'rn
wan who knows th' game. They're not accus?
tomed to this kind iv wurruk. They'll be as fool?
ish as a team iv Baptist minisihers thryin' to play
Gaelic nuball. I'll put on me hat an' go over an'
insthruct thim in th' njdymints.' But, he hivins,
whin I wint down to th' Republican naytional
comity an' see their magnificint wurruk I knew I
was cm'y an amachoor. To tell thim th' little I
knew wud be like a peddler iv collar buttons ad
visin' Jawn D. Roclcyfellar how to make money.
Why, sir, these broad minded men ar-re takin' a
postgrajatc coorse where us Dimrnycrats ar-re
sthrugglin* with th' first reader. They don't deny
a contest. They don't wait f'r it to be enthered.
They lam that a man has rayjisthered at a hotel
who looks like a contestin' dillygate, an' they go
down an' pull him out iv bed an' hurl him into th'
" I've got to be fair with thim an' say this, that
up to th' prisint minyit nawthin' has been done
in th' campaign that I cud improve on. Th' lan?
guage passed round has been magnificint. This
is partly joo to th' supeeryor iddycation iv th'
Republicans. Th' curse iv th' Dimrnycrat party
has always been its lack iv culture. Often whin
confronted with gr-reat issues we've been onable
to think iv annything bad enough to say about
each other. But th' Republican leaders ar-re
niver at a loss f'r a wurrud. I wondher who
ar-re th' profissors iv personal abuse at Yale an'
Harvard. They're good men, whoiver they ar-rc.
Their scholars come out, as Hogan says, fully
equipped for h' battle iv life on anny dock in th'
wurruld. I'vt seen a coal heaver readin' an ac?
count iv a debate between th' prisidint an' th' cx
prisidint an' weepin' because his father had
dhrunk up all his money an' hadrrt give him an
iddycation that wud fit him f'r th' station to which
he was called.
" I thought I knew something about pollytickal
sthrateejy fr'm th* days whin th1 ballot boxes was
all made with double bottoms in case iv a tie, but
'twuld be presumchuse f'r me to aven speak in th'
prisincc iv th' imminent men that have been con
ductin' th' preliminry wurruk iv th' convintion.
I sec me frind Aldlierman Kenna that was iiicted
be a vote iv twinty thousan' out iv a possible
eight readin' an account iv th' New York pri
m'rics with a white face an' thremblin' hands an'
sayin' to himsilf: t._
" ' But weren't there any polis around?'
" All th' other details were attinded to with
akcl skill be ihurly thrained hands. Befure I lave
th' subjeck 1 must speak a wurrud in praise f'r
th' claims made be both sides. I have niver seen
betthcr or more thorough claimin'. It has been
carrifl for'ard with so much ace'racy that at th'
prisint minyit th' number iv dillygates is almost
twict as large as it was at th' beginnin' iv th' cam?
" An' now all th' arly wurruk has been done
an' in a few days th' dillygates, well armed with
pieces iv lead pipe, will meet undher th' vast
dome iv th' Collisyum to solemnly >lcbate th*
gr-reat issues befure thim. Ivrything is in readi?
ness f'r tli' grave deliberations. Th' ambylances
They go dowo an' pull him out iy bed an? hurl him into th' lake."
ar-re standin' at th' dure, th' polls have been
equipped with th' usual riot hats, an' th' milishy
ar-re slccpin' on their ar-rms. Within a week
we will know whether this grand old party will
stand firmly be thim principles iv constitutional
liberty handed down fr'm George Wash'nton an'
Alexander Hamilton to Bill Barnes or march on
to higher an' betther idccls undher Bill Flinn, or
" There's wan fine thing about th' convention,
Hinnissy. It's goin' to be grand f'r th' south.
There will be more money in th' sunny southland
this winter thin has been there since th' battle iv
Hull's Run. I ixpict to read in th' pa-apers next
New Year's day: ' Although th' cotton crop was
not up to th' av'rage, tobacco was killed be
blightin' frosts, an' th' mint was pale in color an'
infecryer in flavor, all th' losses were made up be
th' great demand an' excellent market f'r colored
dillygates. A community with wan dillygate
injyed unexampled prosperity, while a county
with two or more was raised to afloocncc.' Ye
see, 'tis this way: Th' Republicans 6ays to th'
south, ' Ye must give our brunette fellow citizen
a vote.' ' All right/ says th' la-ads down south,
' we'll do so. We won't let thim vote down here
onlcss they want to jine in a bonfire on diction
night. But we'll see that they have aven gr-reater
rights than we have. We'll let thim vote at ye'er
conventions,' says they.
" 'Twas a m?sther sthrokc. I run acrost an'
old frind on th' sthrect yisterdah. His name is
Zekc Gubbins, an' he was wan iv th' hayroes who
jined th' ar-rmy iv occypation afther th* war. He
wint in as a private with th' title iv ganger an'
come out as a colonel an' collictor iv customs.
J [e done his jooty well in layin' waste th' inimy's
counlhr)-, but whin th' sojers left th* close season
was up on him. Wan day he led a party iv
pathrites to seize th' statehousc, but whin th'
milishy fired a salvo iv artillery at him he quit
public life an' withered business as manager iv*
th' customer's office f'r a crap game. I had hcenl
he was in poor circumstances, so whin T see him
comin' says I to mesilf: ' Here's where I pretind
to've met with business revarses.' But, Io an*
behold! whin he come near I sec that he was
dhresscd like a weddin' guest an' wore a dimon
in his shirt front that wud put out th' eye rv a
"'Well,' says I, 'ye're lookin' fine,' I jays.
* I've had a good year,' says lie, flickin' th* ashes
iv his sec-gar off cn an irnrald ring. * I'm a
southren planter,' he says. 'What d'ye raise?"
says I. 'Cotton?' ' There's nawtliin' in cotton,'
he says. ' It's a speculation pure an' simple. No;
I'm heavily inthrested in colored diUygnt^ to th'
con-vintion. It's been a most forchnit year Pi?
us. We've had three crops?wan at th' prfen'ries,
wan at th' mcctin' iv th* comity, an' th' third will
be ripe about Chcosday,' he says. CW>-?-? is
ye'er plantation ?' cays I. ' In a hotel on State
sthrect,' he says with a hearty feagh. *Pvc got
three iv thim planted there now,' he sayc. ita* htf
give mc a sccgar bo vrdyable that I pawnediV ,
^Copjxlc:-/.: 1618? by Sialoy.. Pttw JrowA -JJ