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AUSTIN'S HAWAIIAN WEEKLY.
Therefore, I have found it practical not to ques
tion my wife concerning minor matters such as
the application of words, etc.
" '1 have put you down for a few lots in the
Wolfskill subdivision which is on sale to-morrow,"
said the Colonel very much relieved.
" 'I am truly grateful to you, sir. Bless me if
there is anything I can do I will read you
" 'Come to think of it,' Storkc hastened to in
terrupt him, 'there is something very practical you
can do for me. I have here a bottle of water from
Eureka springs (producing it from his inside
pocket) which I should like to have analyzed
with a short report signed by yourself.'
" 'I shall be only too glad!' exclaimed Sykes
delightedly, pocketing the phial as they rose from
" 'That is the beginning of the end,' murmured
Col. Storke to himself as they parted. 'It is risky.
Very risky. Ah, if he ever finds out and turns
that caustic pen of his against us we are gone
gone sky high!' and he walked down street,
whistling softly as he went.
"A few days later, after supper, Prof. Sykes
was occupied reading the evening paper while his
wife sat near the fire knitting, when he suddenly
"'Bless me! Here is a singular coincidence,
my dear, a professor of the same name as myself,
first name and all, succeeded to my chair at the
" 'That is not possible, Chris,' answered Mrs.
Sykes laying clown her knitting.
" 'Yes, it is so. The paper says : The mys
terious influence which has agitated the money
market proves to be no less a personage than
Prof. Christopher Sykes, a man of fabulous
wealth, late professor of ancient history at Ober
lin.' The article further states that the eminent
professor has purchased the controlling interest
in the Eureka Land & Water Co. and has ordered
a sale of the townsite of Eureka. He was in
duced to invest because of the remarkable purity
of the water of Eureka springs, an analysis of
which will soon be published. Just think of it,
dear, he bought on the strength of the analysis
T made the other day. I am glad for Col. Storke.
I must hunt this man up and see if he is any rela
tion of ours.'
" 'Let me see that paper, Chris,' demanded Mrs.
Sykes, and after assuring herself concerning the
article she looked severely at her husband and
" 'Prof. Christopher Sykes you arc deceiving
me. This article refers to you. Oh Chris, how
could you take such a step without consulting
me?' and the good lady hurried her face in her
" 'Bless my soul ! Bless me ! Deceive my wife?
Impossible. I, Christopher Sykes, philosopher,
speculating in water shares dabbling in busi
ness? Preposterous! Am a man of fabulous
wealth? Taking steps without consulting her?
Terrible. Terrible.' The poor man paced the
room in his agitation mechanically whipping out
his note-book and pencil : 'Case in point let me
sec case in point. None. None. Of course
not! Couldn't be.' Then a startled look came
into his eyes as he continued: 'The woman is
crazy gone insane. It was in my family four
generations back. I must be considerate very
considerate.' and stroking her hair he said very
tenderly: 'Calm yourself, my dear please calm
"Mrs. Sykes had never seen her husband so
agitated. She immediately set his fears at rest
concerning her sanity with a laugh and a kiss,
and, as she gave him caress after caress, with
misty eyes, at the thought of the constancy of his
love in spite of all her scoldings, it intuitively
came to her mind that, perhaps, some great good
fortune was coming to them and that she must
calm him into forgetfulness of the incident for
fear he might spoil it all,"
"I must confess," said Thompson, "I was
appalled at the very audacity of Col. Storke. I
expected to have an enraged scribe on my hands
in the morning and felt that the 'jig was up.' But
when Sykes came to his work as unconcerned as
usual I could not be entirely unprepared for a
call from Mrs. Sykes later. I took her into my
private office and braced myself for the coming
" 'What do you mean by using my husband's
good name, without permission, to brace up the
racally schemes of Col. Storke and yourself. You
know that if I choose to open my husband's eyes
concerning the iniquities of this wicked 'boom'
that the force of his indignant pen would crush
many an alleged millionaire in a week.'
"I shuddered at the thought. None knew it
better than I. I did the best thing possible made
a clean breast of it. When I told her that Col.
Storkc had promised to make them rich and that
I would guarantee it, that I had only consented to
the proposition because I had the best wishes of
the dear old fellow at heart, I noted the brighr.
look of satisfaction in her face and felt relieved.
She wept a few tears that business men should
consider her husband so innocent, but upon my
assurance that we all loved and respected him just
the same, she consented to help the scheme, pro
vided I promised nothing dishonorable would be
done under his name."
"That very day the Eureka townsite sale came
off while Sykes sit in his office perfectly oblivious
that he was making a fortune in a day."
"Eureka townsite was a trampled wheat field.
A six by nine shanty had been erected on the rail
road for a depot and a plow has marked out two
main avenues that intersected each other. Cement
side-walks had been hastily laid, in the stubble,
down either side these alleged thoroughfares ; all
the block corners were marked byposts with signs
on them giving the names of the proposed streets ;
while a booth had been erected for the auctioneer
at the intersection of the avenues, and a brass
band escorted the throng of graft pigeons, boom
ers and suckers by special train to Eureka sta
tion. "The auctioneer opened the sale with Howing
speech, winding up by reading the analysis of
Eureka spring water made by the great Prof.
Christopher Sykes himself. He then regretted
that it became his painful duty to announce that
Prof. Sykes had given instructions to reserve
every alternate lot on the alleged improved
avenues for himself. Amidst the howl from the
'suckers' at this announcement the 'graft pigeons,'
supplied with cords of money, jumped in followed
by the 'boomers' and bought lots right and left
and the suckers fearing last they should loose all
chance of speculation bid fabulous prices for posi
tions. "In the middle of the afternoon, just at the in
terest in the sale was waning, a courier on horse
back was seen galloping across the field from the
nearest telegraph station. All interest was cen
tered in the rider until the auctioneer shouted
'hurra' the professor is alright. Here is a mes
sage from Col. Storke: 'Prof. Sykes, at my
earnest solicitation consents in fairness to public
to sell reserved lots. Hope this reaches in time.
Storke.' It is needless to say prices went up.
There was a scramble for the reserved lots and
the Eureka sale was heralded as the most suc
cessful of the 'boom.' "
"Next day a well-dressed gentleman who look
ed like money entered my office and said : 'You are
Mr. Joseph Thompson. I believe, private secre
tary to Prof. Christopher Sykes? Col. Storke has
given me a note to you.' I nearly fell off my
chair. 1 wonder, what next? The note read:
Dear Joe: Bearer wants to buy controlling in
terest in Eureka Land & Water Co., but insists
upon treating with principal. Sale of my life,
must risk his seeing Sykes. Storke, I felt that
the risk was too great and tried to save Storke
from what I supposed his ruin."
"I regret to say, I said, Prof. Sykes is now at
ins literary work and has given instructions not
to be disturbed.
'I am astonished,' he replied, 'that a man with
so extensive interests at stake can be employed in
literary work in such exciting times as these, al
though I have heard that he is preparing a philo
sophical work. Well, I simply must see him or
I shall make another deal within an hour.
"I very reluctantly called Sykes in, not daring
to overrule the Colonel's judgment, and he de
ported himself with that calm and simple dignity
which always characterized him especially when
" 'You are Prof. Sykes I believe,' said the
stranger politely and reverantly.
"Sykes bowed and took the gentleman's prof
" 'You are interested in the Eureka Land &
Water Co. I believe.'
" 'Bless me! yes, I believe I have some shares,
but you must see Col. Storke. Please give the
gentleman Storke's address Mr. Thompson. Fine
property Eureka. Discovered it by analyzing
water from Eureka springs. Go and see Col.
Storke he is a man of great integrity, bright
eyes and wonderful brain power for business en
terprises. Would trust him with anything I have
on earth and can recommend him most highly.
You must pardon me, sir, this is my time for
literary work. Go and see Storke. Tell him I
sent you. Good day, sir,' and with great dignity
the professor bowed himself out of the room
probably forgetting the incident a moment after.
" 'Wonderful man that Wonderful man,' said
the stranger rubbing his hands. What an ad
vantage these men of learning have over us poor
devils. It was a privilege to meet him.'
"When he had gone I laughed until my sides
ached. I could have hugged the old fellow for
his unconcious loyalty to a friend.
"During the afternoon Storke came into the
office with a rush :
" 'What in the world could Sykes have said to
that man? but tell me about it later. He came
back and planked up the coin. Then offered to
continue me in the management on the strength,
he said, of Prof. Sykes' extraordinary recom
mendation of me. Here is a check for $100,000
which I want you to give Mrs. Sykes.'
"When," I whistled.
" 'It's allright. I made enough to afford it and
more to if necessary. I will attend you later,' and
off he went.
"We lost no time in packing Prof, and Mrs.
Svkes off to the East on a visit and when they
returned Storke had a fine home built for them
in Eureka. Prof. Christopher Sykes is now
known as the father of Eureka and he spends his
time among musty books looking up 'cases in
point to prove 'Hell a Myth.'
Why they were out of Spirits.
The elder Matthews arrived one day at a for
lorn county inn, and addressing a lugubrious
waiter, inquired if he could have a chicken and
The mysterious serving-man shook his head.
"Can I have a duck, then?"
"Have you any mutton chops?"
"Not one, sir."
"Then, as you have no eatables bring me some
thing to drink. Have you any spirits?".
"Sir," replied the man. with a profound sigh,
"we are out of spirits."
"Then, in wonder's name, what have you got
in the house?"
"An execution, sir," answered the waiter.