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W. S. Wei'ZEL & CO.,
"ORT BENTON, MONTANA TERRIT'Y.
DE5 º AL:ER6 I2I
ýry Goods, Boots, Shoes, & Clothing
TAPLE & FANCY GROCERIES.
FURS & PELTRIES.
wholesale Dealer in
WINES, LIQUORS AND SEGARS.
k roes'. Frelght and Farm Wagoas and ZMcCormae1k Reap
era and Mowers,
SHELF HA RDWARE, TOOLS, CUTLERY,
J BWR, COROCKERY AND GLASSWARE, TOY
NOTIONS, AND TOILET ARTICLES.
rugs, Patent Medicines Paints and Oils
STORAGE. FORWABDDNaG C0omMISSION
Livery, Feed I Sale Stable
Main Street, Fort Benton, M. T.
CRAWFORD & WILSON,
We are prepared to furnish accommodations for all kinds of stock.
GOOD HAY rAND FEED ALWAYS ON HAND
We have in connection with our stable
Fairbank's Standard Platform Soales.
a4d wi3S do w eighigat reasonable rates.
Ranchmen, Freighters and Travelers
-WILL FIND AT
SUN RIVER STORE,
IM ARElST, OCHEAPEST AND MOST COMPLETE ASSOR1T
` M.ET OP MERCEANDISE IN MONTANA, CONSISTING OF
~ sp, fCltinD, It l, dicine,
Aj4) VBJ.Y QTHEiiR ATICLE REQUIRED BY FAMILIES,
Freighters, Ranchmen or Travelers,
IcCORiICK'S REAPERS AND TLOWERS,
HORSE RAKES, Etc.
FISH BROC)'S. & COMPANY'S
FARI, F FREIGHT AND SPRING WAGONS.
ewis 4& lre County, and Chestnut, Meagher County.
First National Bank I
DESSICNATED DEPOSITORY a
OF THE UNITED STATES. c
Paid up Capltal 8100,000
Surplus and Profite $100,000 r
S. T. HAUSE.r................. .President
A. J. Divis.................. .Vice President 0
I E. W. KNIG T .............. ...............Cashier c
T. H. KLEISCHMIDTn....... Assistant Cashier. s
We transact a General Banking Business, and Buy
at Highest Rates, Gold Dust, Coin, Gold and Silver t
Bullion, and Local Securities; and sell Exchange and
Telegraphic Transfers, available in all parts of the
United States, the Canadas, Great Britain, Ireland
and the Continent.
Collections made, and Proceeds remitted promptly. r
Interest Allowed On Time Deposits.
]Board of Directors: i
S. T. HAUSER, JOHN CURTIN,
A. M. HOLTER, R. S. HAMILTON,
JNO. H. MING, C. P. HIGGINS,
GRANVILLE STUART, A. J. DAVIS,
T. H. KLEINSCHMIDT."
MUiRS. JEN NIJE WOODIIURST,
St. John street, ner Main,
Fort Benton, Montana.
FINZ DZZSS8I A fPECIALTY.
Mrs. Kate 4,rmttrong has leased the Beriton
Laundry, and is now prepared to execute laundry I
work iutruted to her care with neatness and dis
atch. PaVtlar attention paid to faarfly washing.
McDevitt & WelchI
Feed, Livery and Sale Stable,
HORSES BOARDED BY THE DAY
Day and Night Herd.
SADDLE HORSES, LICHT
AND HEAVY TURNOUTS
urnished on short notice and at rea
MILK AND BUTTER RANCH !
I am now prepared to furnish
to families and others. When required, I will fur
nish families with milkfrom one cow.
FAIR DEALING IS MY MOTTO!
SFort Benton, M. T.
i BEAKI OF DBY lUllS l,
LEE ISABEL, Proprietor,
I iAIN St., FORT BENTON, M. T.
The Best Brands of
'W INES. LIQUORS, AND
J. C.BOURA SSA,
FORT BENTON, M. T.
WINS. LIQUORBo AND SeGARS
OF TEE 3BrST BBAISN9
GENEVA, 11. Y.,
W. & T" SMITH, Prop's.,
'ive Hundred Acres in Cultivation t
FRUIT, ORNAMENTAL TREES, ,
roSES, SHRUBS, &C.
J. A. GOODHUE, Gen'l Agent,
Helena, Montana. i
I am prepared to fill ALL bills
for lumber, shingles or lath at
reasonable rates at my saw mill
on Lyons Creek, near the Prickli
Pear Canyon. Address,
R. S. ELLS,
Care of James Fergus,
Fort Benton Road.
Noties of Final Entry .
U. 8. LAND OFFICE,
H.aiLA, M. T., Sept. 24, 18s.
Notice is hereby giiven that the tollowing named
settler has Il e notice of his application to make
anal proof in supportof his claim and seeure flnal
entry thereof. and that said proof will be made:
before A. . Beattie, Clerk of the Thirda Judicial
District Court of Montana, at his oflicepin Fort.
Benton. Choteau county, Montana, on ,Monday
the 25th day of Octeber, A. D., 1880, viz: Jaime*
stone pýre-emtlon declatory statement No. 38s51iI
for thleN halt ofN W quarter, the S Wquarter of
N W quarter otsection No 2 and- S E quarter of
N E qnart: of section 2$in township No.21 N, of
R. ]East, and he names the following witnesses
to prove bseoontinuous residence upon and. culti
ration ao gaid tracts, vi:: William Rowe, Rob
ertVanghd. of Choteau county, M T. and Jos.
. IMcKnight and T. C. Power of Lewis and
Clrk county , M.. T.
J. H. JOE, Register.
A Tale of Louisia. a.
It was Sunday morning in New Orleans.
A stranger, named Peter Ellis, wandered
forth from the St. Charles to witness the
approaches of the inundation, which then
formed the staple of discussion among all
classes. Peter Ellis was about forty years
of age, of a noble figure, proud, gloomy
face, and with a forehead seamed by many
and deep wrinkles. His dress was rich,
after the fashion of the Southern aristoc
racy, but worn negligently, and some
what soiled with the stains of recent trav
el; for he had arrived only the previous
The stranger passed groups of people
gathercd on every corner, all engaged in
streets, as back yonder at the tavern, the
crevasse-the cre7vasse, spoken in English,
French, Spanish, and Italian 1patois-was
the topic that seemed to monopolize every
thought. He had almost reached the old
Basin. where the water was said to be
risil:g with fearful rapidity, when his cars
were assailed by an indescribable noise
which issued front a point a few squares to
"What infernal dinl is that ?" asked Peter
Ellis, interrogating a little Frenchman
who chanced to be gliding by.
"MIonsieur is a stranger in the city?"
said the Frenchman, bowing to the very
"Has heard of the Sunday dance on Con
"Never had the pleasure of seeing it ?"
'`Then monsieur will be delighted,
charmed, enchanted with the spectacle,"
exclaimed the volatile son of Paris, enthu
siastically; adding,with another deep bow,
"but I beg monsieur's pardon for the re
mark-he will be careful to respect the Af
rican's. The Green belongs to them-is
their theatre, I might say-and the amuse
ment is under the strict surveillance of the
"Does any body else go there besides
negroes?" inquired Ellis, abstractedly.
"0, yes; everybody attends, some time
or other, and the ladies who have had the
serious misfortune to lose their character
The wrinkles on the brow of Peter Ellis
grew as black as the gloom of a thunder
The last answer of the Frenchman ap
i peared to call up the ghost of some horrid
memory, and, with a scowl at his aston
ished interlocutor, he hurried onwards and
entered Congo Green. This was a large,
level square, including more than a dozen
acres, situated not far from the Basin, and
set apart by an ordinance of the city for
the Sunday amusements of the Africans
exclusively. It was enclosed in strong
iron railings, with a gate of the same met
alon each of the four sides, and was adorn
ed with many beautiful trees, scattered
here and there at irregular intervals,which
gave it the appearance of a forest rather
than a park.
Although it was scarcely nine when El- t
lis reached the Green, it was already well
supplied with dancers. The scene was
such as to defy all attempt at delineation
by pen or pencil. A huge negro, taller,
blacker and uglier than any other in the
concourse, had been chosen general direc- r
tor for the day. IHe was called indifferent
ly "King of Congo," or "King of the
Wake," and bore on his head as a crown a
great pyramid of painted paper boxes fast
:ened together, which had the effect of
nearly doubling his natural height. This
monarch and all his subjects were tricked
out in a manner so grotesque that it was 1
impossible to behold them without laugh
ter. Here was furnished with hoofs. There
went another brandishing enormous horns.
A third clapped his wings, crowing like aa
.hanticler. A fourth strutted lmajestical
iy, spreading behind the plumes of the
peacock; while the fifth displayed the tail
of a monkey. Their sable features were
flecked with all the colors of the rainbow,
and their necks, waists, arms, ankles liter
illy bristled with innumerable little bells
that jingled and chimed as they moved.
The dancers imitated the cries of every
animal. They crowed, barked, bellowed,
neighed, bloated, squealed hooted and
howled, while still ever, without ceasing,
the little bells jingled and chimed; and
they had all sorts of musical and un-mu
sical instruments. The fiddle uttered its
silvery laugh; the drum thundered; the
trumpet roared; the fife squeaked, while
the boatman's bugle flung its winding
notes to the sky; and still the little bells
jingled and chimed. They increased the
clamor by thumping pans, kettles, tubs
and empty barrels. They shuffled, waltz
ed; but yet, over all the new evolutions,
the genuine orifinal Congo dance main
tained its undisputed preeminence.
It was the saturnalia of animal passion
the jubilee of joyous instinct. Every eye
gleamed; every countenance was radiant.
The burning, heaving mass of vitality was
worked up to a height of feeling intense as
the emotions of madness. Even many of
the spectators caught the contagious fury
and join in the savage glee; but there was
one beholder that gazed on the scene with
a grim look of horror.
"I must have been distracted to think of
finding her in such a place as this---of find
ing her at all !" murmured Ellis to him
sel, as he threaded his way through the
press, uttering malisons against Congo
At length he gained the iron gate to
wards the north, and was in the act of go
ing out, when a vision of dazzling beauty
arrested his attention and chained his feet
to the sod. This was a young girl, habited
in white, with a crimson zone around her
bosom, secured by a massive clasp of gold,
chat lay opposite her heart like a star. Her
head was only covered with its own veil of
ringlets, softer than silk and blacker than
midnight. Her complexion was dark, but
it was the beautiful golden tint left there
bythe wind and sunbeam-this kissing
her with fire, and that cooling the fire
kisses with sighs.
Peter Ellis was so fascinated by the
sight that he did not at first notice her.
At last, however, he was forced- to per
ceive that she had a companion, and such
a companion as filled him--not with jeal
Sousy, but with fear !
This was an old man, hideously hunch
t backed, with snow-white hair, piercing
gray eyes, and a dirty, shriveled face that
r wore the double expression of theft and
murder. He 'was muttering angry words
a!in a low voice, while the girl's dark eyes
were swimming in tears.
"O, spare me that same!" Ellihs heard
hfer eihtreati 6"or heavei's sake sjar me !
I nnot h~othe~r . .
"Do aRa[ 1idyoul,"rtpied the old huni
back.. "o, or to-nih.1--" The sentence
was comral leted by a gesture that made the
"I will go," answered the g , turning I
deadly lpae. She opened the gate and
hurried *n -towards the centre of the sable
crowd, the old monster following and eye
ingher at a distance with a fiendish smile,
while Peter Ellis, in spite of his pride,
felt himself ;borne by an irresistible im
pulse in the same direction.
Presently the fascinated man heard,
above all the .tempest of tumult, the voice
of a singer. It was loud, sweet, ringing, l
and wondrottely varied.
The effect on the mad dancers was like
magic. Hornn, drum, bugle, violin be
came silent. The vast throng swayed to
and fro, as a sea tossed by the storm, and
then gathered in a great circle, shouting,
"La Cantat'ice! The singer! The beau
tiful Cautatrice !"
"It seems she is well known among the
Africans of New Orleans," thought Peter I
Ellis, witli a. shudder; still be could not
forbear pres-ing forward until he gained a
point in the circle of black faces whence
he could again see the dazzling beauty.
She sang, with the accompaniment of
appropriate gestures, a merry bacchanal
song, and the listeners cheered with shouts
of laughter. At a signal from the old
hunchback she took up a martial strain,
and every bosom heaved like a volcano,
and every eye gleamed with the redlight
of battle. She then trilled a mournful
dirge-a wall of love and death; and a
thousand ebon cheeks were wet with tears.
She could not have selected a more im
pressible audience, for the Southern ne
groes have an insatiable passion for music.
At last she paused and glanced at the old
hunchback, who frowned, and waved a
fierce, imperious gesture. She then drew
from her bosom a large, open-mouthed
purse, and passing around the dusky circle,
held it out for petnnies, which were show
ered downl with extreme I|berality. When
she camue to Ellis, she glanced tip in his
face with her wild black eyes, wondering
at the presence of one so elegantly attired
as he in suchl company. She started up in
surprise as he dropped a piece in her palm.;
it was a gold eagle.
"Monsieur has made a mistake," she
said, in her soft, silvery tones, holding up
the glittering coin,
"No--keep .it," he answered, and she
felt another drop in her open palm. She
blushed red as scarlet-for the last drop
was a hot tear.
The girl returned to her station in the
human ring, and again glanced an implor
ing look at the old hunchback. He scowled
as before, and waved another angry ges
ture. She then took fromn the folds of her
dress two small gilt castanets, poised them
an instant above her head, and, whirling
them around gracefully, bounded away in
a dance. But at that moment a dull, boom
ing noise was heard-the rush of a torrent
of water; and screams of terror arose
"The crevasse! The crevasse ! The levee
of the basin is broken! We shall be drown
King Congo tore off his crown; the king
and subjects alike attempted a grand charge
towards the gates. The flood came roar
ing after them, and in three or four min
utes overspread the Green, but as yet to no
There were only two persons in the
crowd who did not fly-Peter Ellis and the
poor singer. The former approached the
girl with a feeling of strange interest, took
her hand, and led her to the nearest gate.
"Why do you not run, my pretty one?"
he asked. "Are you not afraid you will
be drowned ?"
1"O, God, I wish that I were!" she re
joined, with a look of hopeless sorrow.
l ":'Th'aeu you do not like your present pro-.
fession ?" Ellis inquired. "Why, then do
you not leave it?"
"'Monsieur, I have no other," she an
I sweredl, in a voice indescribably mournful.
"HIas no one ever proffered assistance to
senable you to rise above your degraded
"Many, very many," she replied sadly.
"Why did you not accept their benevo
- lent aid ?"
S"Because, monsieur," faltered the girl,
blushing deeply, and letting her eyes fall
Sto the ground, "I would rather suffer his
cruel hatred than endure their wicked
"His hatred? The hunchback, you
*"Is he your father?"
"No, monsieur; he brought me up since
I was a little child, but he is not my fath
"Where is he now?"
"Gone to his pawnbroker shop beyond
the basin. He fears it is overflowed."
"Have you no mother?"
"None in this world !" The dark-eyed
girl glanced through her tears towards
"Do you remember your parents?"
"I remember my mother. I have at
least a faint image of her. She had black
eyes, such as mine, and a smile like an an
"Do you recollect your mother's name ?"
He put the question in a tone gasping with
"No, monsieur; but I have a memory of
my home ere they brought me to the city."
"Can you describe it?"
"O! yes," she answered, clasping her
small hands tightly across her forehead as
if to press the feeble images from their old
niches in the brain. Then she added, "The
pictures are very beautiful-I see, in the
sunny air, the tall white house, with the
stone chimney at each end; the two great
trees in the yard, with the big red-painted
gate before them; the blue lake beyond
the gate; I can never forget that, for I
slipped into it once, and was drawn out,
half dead, by an old one-eyed negro."
The face of Peter Ellis was pallid as that
of a corpse as he put the last question.
"Have you any relic-a handkerchief-a
bit of clothing, anything--left by your
"I have her minature, monsieur." -
"Here, close beside my heart."
"Let me see it!" cried Peter Ellis, leap
ing forward wildly and grasping the giriby
i She raised the miniature by its slight
si ilver chain, held it up betore his gleaming
'"It isL she! It is she !"j he shouted, and
then caught the young girl to his bosom,
t murmuring, '"Mry-O! Mary, my daugh
a When the first outburst of excitement
a was over, the glimmering doubt, the. sire
explanation-the question solved by the
caress, and the gush of feeling that sweet
j ened and illuminated every thing; when
sacred ealm followed, .eep aa the as ta
leas the earth, and bright asn the sun;
when the arms of the two were entwined
more gently, as if not longer afraid of
losing each other, then the girl said,in a
seraph-like whisper, "Thank God ! I have
now two fathers-one here and another
yonder!" and she pointed her finger to the
sky. And thrice happy are all the poor
girls of the great city who can say as
much. But, alas! for the many orphans
without fathers, and a darker woe for the
wretches that show them no pity !
A Far.mer's o0 tiei.
tboliach Frie T'res. ;
A "hired man' who has been employed
on a farm in this countrV for several
months entered suit aga:inst his employer
the other day for balance of wages, amount
iug, as he claimed, to $32. The suit was
on trial in Justice Alley. yesterlday, and it
looked at lust as if the plaintiff had a clear
case. iHe gave dates and figures in a
straightforward way, and seemed a very
honest young man. When whe thformer
took the stand he said :
"I claim an oltfset for that *32. No man
need sue me for what J honestly owe."
"'What is your oftlet?'' asked the lan
"lie. is an unbelievetr."
"'Why, in the Bible."
"What has that to do with your owing
him $32 "
"It had a heap to do with it. I had six
hands in my employ, and we were rush
ing things when I hired this man. He
hadn't been with us two days when they
stopped the reaper in the middle of the
forenoon to dispute about Daniel in the
lion's den, aidl in three days we had a reg
ular knock down over the whale swallow
ing Jonah. The man who run the mower
got to arguing about Sampson, and drove
over a stump and damaged the machine to
the tune of $18,'and. the very next day nmy
boy broke his leg while climbing a fence
to hear and see the row which was started
over the Children of Israel going through
the Red Sea. It wasn't a week before my
wife said she didn't believe Elijah was fed
by the ravens, and hang nme if I didn't
tind myself growing weak on Noah and
his fiHd. That's my offset, stir and if he
was worth anything I'd sue him for a
thousand dollars besides.''"
The Court reserved his decision for twen
LADlY BUROETT-COUTTS. Br
Why the Marriage is Delayed-.
I am old-fashioned enough to think that
the marriage of Lady Burdett-Coatts is at -a
Iffair with which the public have nothin ce
whatever to do, and think it simply con- a:
,erns two persons, who have a per:fec )
right to act as they think fit for their mu- hl
nal interest, without the impertinent in- it
:erference of the Backbites and the Sneer- t
.ells in all i anka of society. It has beet it
tsserted that the Baroness is taking thie
4tep in opposition to the wishes of hei f
family and friends. This is untrue. Mos
of the members of her family, and of those e
who have any claim to be consideret -a
friends, approve of her determination. The ty
marriage would have taken place long ag<
oUiL Iur LUIc re.nilluia iiL b In IUtlL IIIUIIL rl ui 1
the forgotten clause in the Duchess of St.
Alban's will prohibiting the Baroness Ji
from marrying an alien. The penalty fo "`
(disregarding this condition is the forfeiture oi
of the Baroness' in Cout t's bank, which
would in such event immediately pass to a a
near relative. Now, I am able to state a!
that when the whole case was laid before aI
this relative, who is under the greatest oh- rc
ligations to the Baroness, no objection was ti
made to the marriage, and it was under
stood that the clause would not be pressed.
Subsequently, however, other counsels
prevailed. The prohibitory clause in the
will was undoubtedly framed not to pre
vent the Baroness from marrying anybody
who happened to be an alien, but to ex
clude a particular person who is no longer
It must not be supposed that the com
pulsory withdrawal of the Baroness from
Coutt's Bank would seriously impair her
B fortune. She would still be immensely a
wealthy, and, moreover, she is not the
woman to be deterred from doing what she Q
believes to be right by consideration of this c
kind. But there is some hope that matters e
will not be pushed to this extremity. A i1
compromise is likely to be arrived at and, t
pending that, Mr. Bartlett will endeavor E
to establish his legal status as a British
subject. The question raises an entirely c
novel point in international law, and will, c
if decided in Mr. Bartlett's favor, affect t
the nationality of a great many Americans. s
The Baroness is at present awaiting the i
issue at her country residence, Holly f
s Lodge, Highgate. Holly Lodge is a pretty c
little place, surrounded by charming t
grounds, but it is her house in Stratton
street which gives one an impressive idea ,
of the vastness of her resources. The
multitude of rooms is bewildering. You
pass through galleries, dressing-rooms,
concert-rooms, ball rooms, getting glimps
es of staircases which seem to lead no
where, and feeling generally that the ar
tf chitect must have been a man of astonishing
fertility of mind. The greater part of this
enormous dwelling, however, is wrapped
, in gloom and white holland. Practically
[s she lives in only three rooms, through t.
d window of one of which Sir Francis Bur
B dett was dragged when arrested for treasoi.
e and carried to the Tower.
The energy and vitality of thy Baroness
it are extraordinary. When she is perfectly
well, she defeats her age by a dozen years.
id She is a good horsewoman, and is still fond
I of exercise, and she walks with an elas
t, ticity which many a younger woman
might envy. Her knowledge of politics
t and politicians extends over half a cen
tury; and she can write as well as speak
a with no little grace and force.
A minister with a rather florid complex
ion had gone into the shop of a barber, one
Sof his parishioners, to be shaved. The
barber was addicted to heavy bouts of
) drinking, after which his hand was, in
Sconsequence, unsteady at his work. In
shaving the minister on tile occasion re
ih ferird to, he inflicted a cut sufficiently
,g deep to cover the lower part of the face
with blood. The minister turned to the
d barber and said, in a tone of solemn severi
1 t, "You see, Thomas, what comes of tak
ing too much drink...
S"Ay," replied Thomas; "it mak's the
'at skin verra tenner."
; iTexassociety is agitated over the ques
Ston- ,of~wether-~tr or not the groom at a
Swedding should wear bis revolver bel out
Sor inisdeof his dresst
CI rl itR ENT FjPiN.
'The highest t:ilep'ieee ever adjusted~ wna
"whern the sentinel at ar's set their Na lh in
Ont touch of rumnor miak(kes the whole
world chin.-Qquii.cl Moderj, Arelo. One
such touch of humnor nakes he whole
There is it man in -A trolr .so thin diat Ie
had a row of buttons put on his tiubrellit
cover, and Wears it for lant ulster.- I1,r:/,-_
No wotndert the niiset" desires to take his
gold with hint beyondt the gravey, wvihyn
even i`death loves a shinting mante."-T'r
Ii-"'s P/lix thPportr.
When i . 14 itnnotitut'e that a politic:iim is
in the hanls of his friendc. it is under
stood that they will Wtela him homet all
right.-- . (. l'i,.tmp ,,.
Iiii youi ever Set a iuan with lartge feet
who did nol dleelare that his bootr ;wVer
two sizes too hig. t lihe he !ike then easy.
yoi k ow.-- .h'stn re . at.,i,.
A C'ei'rnmn life in.is'tane eomtpany. call
I eld )i er Lebenversihrtng,>:eellscb.ft,
cotnplains of the irtt.g'!rllritvy of the mailils.
Yet one woublt Ul' .pose it got all its letters.
- .lI I'l r'es' ' (tlr ,l
I'rofessor Swing, of ('hioeao. can't abide
Rev. Cook, of Bosttn. Yet .osephl is :(
stronger man than I)avidi. The latier owel
represents pork, while the latt-er repLre)sue
pork and lbe:aus.-, ('he,/eli lHerald,
The mailt who sooks to wi) l a 'reputatiton
for prodigal g enro sity hy ubtllieiy Ilwn_
ishing sonme poor ieg-tar with the lresenta
tion of at dollar, rarely sutrprises his wash
WoInianII in that wayt.---(incineiati No't/dlld.y
The osseous retmaints ounld in C.'hicago
the othlr datiy. upposeld to b)elong to at. tiian
tondon, turn1 out to be a )oi'tion of the max
illarTy and mandibular ]bones of 'a primitive.
Chicago hotel clerk.--.St, LIej TliPte.
XX. However bland paterfamilhns htii
self nmay hbe in his lmanhter, you ca.t fort
some idea of his real feelingri loward you
by noticilng how hi* 'iJ!tlld'e look at ypt.i
when you pass then)t otn thie street.---~i:
"In what condition was ,h!!( patriafwch
Jobt at the end of his lit;i" asked a cii ook
lyn Sunday school teacher of a quiet look
ing boy at the foot of the class. "Dead,"
calmly answered the quiet looking boy,
From this answer no appeal was taken.
'The "compromise suit" is what an ex
.tnge calls the straw hat and winter oyg
t often seen on the same peregd these
An eminent pianist of foreign' birth be
'ame very angry because some one de
eribed his playing as being "neat." I-I
:aid that in this country he had heard peo
)le speak of necklaces, boots, hats and jew.
dry, as being "neat," and that he had
leard of cattle which were .'ileat.!' When
twas explained to hint that thie word
teat as applied to his playing meanltt free
roum tawdriness lie uaecepted the apology
,f the dictionary.
The tHlwkeye man says a high board
'ence, a locust tree and twenty-three beer
cables make a grove anywhere within thir
ty miles of New York.
Police court scelne. Judg.e to anll unpre
Jussessilig tramp; '"What aire your ineans
)f living?" '"I an an inventor." "Ah,
indeed. Andj what have you invented?"
"Nothing as yet; but I amni on the look
A Nebrask'a Indian cotrived to swallow
a of lot ldyn'mite, and now he can sttand
around the corner and c(all a white tman
anything hie chooses withiout being kicked
tor his insolence. They are shy of jarring
Two fenmale friends meet after a long
separatio alllni exchinge confidences:
' "Yes, my (lear: I have been a widow for
six mtonths." "''And I for nearly live
years." 'The smine lucky woman you al-.
"Well, if ever I'saw tle like,' remarked
Mr. Whiskvskin, as ha mopped the per
spiration from his brow. "I don't see -
where all this water comes from that oozes
through my pores. I haven't tasted the
stuff for ten years.-=-Yew Hae.. ReUister.
The gentlemanly caterer at the camp
meeting, who charges you seventy-five
cents for a fifteen-cent breakfast is request
ed to start for the "anxious seat" before he
is cut off in the midst of his awful sins.
We notice that the ministers think he is
past praying for.--X'eVi Harte Register.
A party of scapegraces meeting a pious
old man named Simpson, one of them ex
claimed, "Ah ! now we are safe ! We'll
take Simpson along with us; and then,
should we be set upon by a thousand Phil
istines, he'll slay them all!" "My young
friend," quietly responded the old man,"to
do that I should have to borrow your jaw
While a party were watching a storm at
night from the front room of a brewery in
Poiiibstone, Arizona, suddenly the apart
nent was filled with a dazzling light, and
mn explosion like that of a ton of giant
powder followed. The whole party were
lifted several feet from the floor and thrown
in a confused mass. When one of the
)arty regained consciousness he found the
ieiling in flames, the contents of the bar in
wvoful confusion, the doors wrenched from
heir hinges, and the weatherboarding of
he house torn into ribbons. Nobody se
A Portsmouth, N. H., youth who had
,een out riding the other day was just get
ing out of the carriage, when the horse,
•xcited by the energetic perseverance of a
.ly, switched his tail around so vigorously
;hat a hair of it lodged in the boy's mouth
mid around ore of his front teeth. Then
the horse quickly tried to pull his tail
sway, and yanked that tooth out so quick
that the boy didn't know it was going till
it was gone. The force of that tail motion
slung the tooth clear across the street.
Mile. de C. has sworn to marry only a
lawyer and a widower. After a year of
assiduous court, B. asks her hand.
"Think of it," said she. "You do not
fill any of my conditions. In the first
pi lace, you are not a lawyer."
"Marry me, and I will be one."
S"But you are not a widower."
"I A[swear to you that I'll do everything
in the world to be one."
"Inquirer"asks, "Is the Great Eastern
the largest vessel ever built?" An im
e pression has got abroad that she is, but
such Is not the case. The Mayflower, in
whieh the -tlgrinm Fat.hers came to this
country, was they largest ship that ever
a ploughed the e ater. The old furniture
scattered oveirthls country, brought over
by the i yflower, would fill the Great
astern a dozen times or more.