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THE JMOBNiaTQ' TIMES, glim PAY, MAY 9, 1S97.
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ODD STORM THE DM
The Adventure of a Midshipman
in ilie Old Navy.
WHERE AMERICAN PLUCK TOLD
A DarJng Rescue Dennito a Hoat
Loud of Pirates Some Xew No
tions, of 3J. Quad The Arizona,
Jvleber and Mr. Ilowzer-A l?oor
Tlic American man-of-war Mulmwk lay
rocking ialv on the water close in under
the sliorcb of San Domingo. It bad been
a warm, "sultry day. but now as twilight
bucceeucd a glorious sunset, a light breeze
fanned tSie heated brows of the men who
were lounging about the deck.
Capt Moigan, the commander, was pac
ing the quaiter-deck, fretting over the
forced inactivity He had pursued a pirat
ical schooner, which had been preying on
our merchantmen, to thou waters., but the
pirate had escaped lam. The captain felt
certain, however, that his piey lay in one
of thiMiuuifciuus coves nearby, lidden from
prying eyes by the towering crags with
-which the coast abounded.
Hut there was one at least to wlont the
btay in those waters was far from irksome,
and that was a gay and handsomemldship
man, Ralph Itoyuton. While on shore leave
he had come acioss an old friend of his
father's, who made him right welcome at
hlB beautiful tome. And there Ralph met
the gentleman's daughter, Grace, a young
girl who inherited her Spanibh mother's
black eyes and clear olive complexion and
her Tattler's vigorous health, combined with
a girlish sweetness that captivated the
bronzed J oung middy. He had been ashore
every day since his snip had arrived in port,
and once was severely reprimanded for
over-staying his leave.
Thin particular evening the boats had
returned without Ralph. The captain
was angry, and as he paced up and down
he -was meditating on some punishment
for the disobedient young sailor. Sud
denly there was a commotion astern, a
slight holloolng, and then a small boat
gilded up, was made fast, and a young
fellow clambered up the side of the man-of-war
and leaped aboard.
It was Ralph, and he made hifa way to
the capiuiu'b side. For a few minutes
the two lernained in animated conversa
tion. "But, captain," Ralph remonstrated
at length, "they are in danger their
lives and pi operty are at stake!"
"That is no excuse Tor your not hav
ing reported back in time, sir," the cap
tain returned sternly.
"What he would have said further was
interrupted by the officer of the deck,
who approached and reported a fire ashore.
The captain leveled his glaES toward an
Imposing mansion situated on a bluff a
short dlstanceof f. A dark column or smoke
was. seen shooting skyward, and there was
u dull, red glare in the heavens.
".'Tis their house in flames, captain!"
Ralph bhouted. "The villain has accom
plished his purpose," and the lad groaned
In his utter helplessness.
"Call away the gig end cutters! Let
all muster buckets and bear a handl"
roared the captain. Then, turning to his
gray-haired sailing master, Mr. Hilton,
he said. " You must lookoutfor the Mohawk
while I am gone, and Mr Ralph Boynton
will keep you company."
The boats were soon manned, and, with
a long, swinging stroke, fairly leaped
through the water. Presently their keels
grated on the beach, and the disciplined
men formed a line and commenced parsing
the water rapidly up the slight ascenu
The servants were ruuniDg wildly about,
too excited to render any assistance.
Ralph, mad with anxiety and vexation,
watched the proceedings through a glass
aboard Ehip The light breeze fanned the
flames, and they spread with fearful rapid
ity, gradually gaining on the sailors, until
all hope of saving the noble mansion was
As Ralph watched, his every sense alert,
he thought he heard a cry of distress borne
over tile waters from the direction of the
beetling crag that stood frowningly re
vealed over the let bow. At the sametirr.e
a pillar of flame shot up from the doomed
mansion, and in that instant's glare of
light he saw distinctly a sailboat skirting
the giant cliff; its occupants, two men
and a girl.
In the darkness that succeeded, Ralph
reeled back. "Grace a prisoner!" he
gasped, as he groped his way astern.
Then, as an idea struck him. he clambered
over the gunwale and dropped into the
little sailboat in which he had come aboard
but a short time before. In an instant the
Email sail was sat, and the craft wasbouud
lng over the bay.
That day Ralph had learned that the
shoals and reefs to the north were naviga
ble at high tide by a ship with an experi
enced pilot that they were the gateway of
en almost land-locked bay He had no
doubt now that the pirate ship wis safely
at anchor in that little harbor, and the
rowboat he had seen was making f.r the
refuge with its fair captive.
"I can go twice as fast as the row
boat,' Ralph muttered, "60 I'll keep out
of bight till I've passed them on the
weather side. Then I'll double and run
'em down iri'm not shot," he added
The bluff headland that marked the
proximity of the shoals was scon made,
looming up above the horizon. tBut Ralph
had seen nothing further of the pirates,
and kept ahead on his course Ahead, on
either bow, the foam of breakers could le
distinctly seen, and now the jutting coral
reefs were dangerously near.
On thcpolntof going about, Ralph paused
and peered into the mist and gloom ahead.
A dark object in the whirling, seething
foam caught his eye He ran his boat clo'-e
up, and was astonished and horrified to
find that the object was the rowboat he -
hail thought far astern.
The little craft was tossed this way and
that by the angry waters, sometimes olv
Bcured by the whirl of foam that dashed
in torrents over her. Ralph had brought
hie boat to the wind in his first moments
of Indecision, but a glimpse of a fluttering
white diessir. that mad battle againstde
structiou and death roused all the daring
spirit in him.
Grasping the tiller hard, his little craft
wung round.andthcn, catching the breeze,
dashed madly forward through the surging
"Waters, escaping the reefs that would have
torn it asunder, dodging the shoals which
its keel grazed hard, shlpplug gallons of
Water, and tossing tons of it in spray from
its 1kws, but still on, on until the danger
point was past and the mysterious crag
bound bay was reached.
The occupants of the pirate heat noted
the swift passage of the small sailboat in
wonder. Thetwo men well knew the perils
of those shoals even at high water, and
they had watched with a grim smile the
entrance of the pursuing boat, speeding Into
almost certain destruction with its. inex
And Grace? The terrified girl had
recognized the sailboat as her own property,
"Which he had loaned Midshipman Ralph
that-very dayin order that he mightrcturn
to bis vesscL Intuition told her who the
bravo pursuer "was, and now, as the bait
glidecUnto-qolet waters and the tension was
art, Grao suddenly stood up and before
the men could intercept her sprang over
board and swam toward the friendly craft.
Ralph saw the action and steered for the
plucky swimmei. The pirates remained un
decided a few moments, and t lien, evidently
averhc to firing and calculating on handy
assistance, turned the bow of their boat
inland and disappeared in the darkness be
yond. The young middy drew the exhausted
girl from the water, his heart aglow that
he should be the rescuer. "When Grace
had recovered somewhati she told how
the pirates had set fire to hei father's
house in'revenge for his not aiding in de
ceiving the American man-of-war. She
had been seized and cairied away during
the excitement, and had given utterance
to that piercing scic.im as lather a foilorn
During tliis recital, and while the pioud,
grateful girl was thnpking him over and
over again, Ralph tootT down his small
bail and busied himself bailing the boat,
glancing anxiously into the gloom of the
mysterious bay where the piiates weie
hidden, and then at the dangeious shoals.
"It seemed, Miss Giacc," he raid, look
ing very thoughtful, "ab if tome unseen
hand guided the boat thiough these Jut
ting reefs and sandbanks tonight. I -im
Teai fill of dying it again until high water,
which will not be for an hour 01 so yet."
Again Ralph pazed ahead, and this time
he started They had dritfed some dis
tance Inland, so that the icar of the hiuf
was deadened by the giant cliffs that
frowned down on them on all tides. He
heard distinctly the bound of oars eli'aing
the watei in regulai strokes, sounding
strangely in that dibu.nl place
"Miss Grace," he winspeied, bending
over her, "we are in a critical position.
'Twould be madness to risk the shoals
now, but we'll hide in the shadow of
yonder projecting crag for awhile you
take the tiller, I'll use this oar."
Shuddering, but more with the ohill of
her wet garments than from fear, the
Southern girl obeyed, having rull confi
dence in her rescuer. From their posi
tion the two watched and listened. They
saw the shadowy outlines of two iow
boats in the dim light which poured
through the opening in the olirfs, and
they heard the mumbling of distant voices.
The pirates seeniiJ to be undecided.
"Every , minute the tide rises higher,"
Ralph whispered. ."In fifteen minutes the
shoals will be easily naAigablc."
Toi answer Grace clutched his arm nerv
ously. "Look!" she gasped. "They have
torches, and are coming our way!"
True enough, one of the boats was ap
proaching, its occupants holding torches
while the others guarded the entrance But
before the light could ieac.li them Ralph
once more paddled noiselessly out into the
cove. He was debating on raising sail,
running the gauntlet of the guard boat,
and braving the shoals, when an accident
happened which forced him to It The oar
he was leaning on gave way and fell with
a clash into the boat
A shout and a shot which whistled near
lent speed to Ralph's movements. In a
twinkling the bail was up, he was at the
tiller, with Grace in the bottom of the teat,
and catching the freshening breeze the
little craft sped by the enemy's boat at
some distance and made directly for the
It needed a cool head now, and the
American middy knew it The men In
the rowboat braced themselves for a col
lision, and on the Instant Ralph bore on the
tiller, just grazing the enemy, and was by
them like the wind. To their howls of exe
cration and their badly aimed bullets the
American replied with a yell of defiance,
and then settled down to business.
The water was considerably higher than
when he made his first venture, so that
after some hard knocks and narrow es
capes Ralph had once more the pleasure of
being in safe waters, lie then steered di
rectly for his ship.
Capt. Morgan was more than angry when
he made Us appearance after this serious
bieach of discipline, but wlien he heard
the story, and learned that the pintles
were to leave the retreat that night, he
relented, and the Mohawk was soon under
way for the sisals. The American vessel
was In time to catch the pirate ship
threading ber way at the dangerous point,
and opened fire. Thus liandicapped, the
enemy's vessel perished miserably on a
sunken reef, and the survivors were picked
up and made prisoners.
After a few days' stay to enable Grace's
father to settle bis business affairs, as he
and his family were to return on the war
vessel, the Mohawk set sail for the States.
Shortly after arriving there Ralph was pro
motedfor bravery, and during an extended
stay in port had the pleasure of seeing his
friends comfortably settled in their new
On the eve of Us departure on another
cruise Ralph whispered an old, old story
to a certain dark-eyed Southern girl, and
though she listened with a hair-averted
face, he caught the sweet light in her eyes
and went forth prepared to conquer worlds.
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
"We paid a business visit to Salt Lake
last week, and we notice that the Trib
une of that city tries to get up a laugh
by saying that we went to bed by the
light of a tallow candle instead of using
the gas This Is quite correct, and
we bought and paid for the caudle. When
we were ready to get into bed we blew
it out and locked it up in our batcliel and
carried the satchel to a far corner of the
room. "We are not a tourist, and our
knowledge of the big world is not as ex
tensive as It will be after we have visited
Omaha and Chicago. "We know nothing
about gas, exccptthatitislikcanunloadcd
gun. There is a way to turn it off and
on and hold the critter harmless, but
we have never had time to experiment.
Now and then we have had a tallow candle
explode and shatter us more or less, but
as a rule they are all right up to about
midnight. If there s any laugh on us it
is all right. "We took due precautions to
get out of Salt Lake City alive and without
broken bones, and we made a success of
it. Had we fooled around with the gas
fixture we should probably have been
found dead in bed in the morning.
Two or three weeks ago Mrs. K. Y.
Singleton gave an "at home" and did
not send us a card. We understood at
the time that she intended to snub us
because we had baid that red-bordered
napkins were not proper form at a fune
tiou. In our next issue we announced
that Mrs. Singleton used to be a variety
actress in Chicago. She has engaged coun
sel, who says we must apologize or stand
suit for defamation of character. It was
a very little tiling to make a fuss about,
but we are in a position to set matters
right. Mrs. Singleton was never a va
riety sctress In Chicago, but she was
for several years a singer iu a concert
garden in St. Louis. "We were wrong
in our statement and hereby apologize.
Should she want several other chapters
of her history we are in a position to
give them to her. The "at home" referred
to, was, it is needless to add, a flat fail
ure. Our esteemed contemporary, who
eats with his fingers and wipss his mouth
on the tablecloth, was the only critter
who showed up, and after drinking a pine
of whisky and devouring two bear meat
bteaks, he found things so slow that he
dug out. "We don't say tiiis town can't be
run socially without us, but the record
proves that when we arc left out things
go wizzy-wazzy and- there are nineteen
failures to inc success.
Wednesday last we received "word from
Major Taylor, who was coming down the
country with.a freight train that he would
be here on Friday and call and Bhoot us.
Wc never heard of the major beloie, and
knew no leason why he should want to bloc
iisout,andinthcpresHof business theaffair
went out of our mind. Friday afternoon,
while we weie extra busy, he showed up
for business. We asked to be excused for
an hour for half or quarter of an hour
but he insisted that his business was of
more importance than ours and would not
grant us a minute, even when weappealed
to him as a gentleman. In fact, he began
shooting while we were yet appealing.
We hated to stop, but we had to. After
the major had fired live shots at us, we
got up and took him by the neck and led
him out on the streetandthen slammed him
until he "was thought to be dead. He came
to after awhile, however, and it was found
that a broken leg and a dl sicca ted shoulder
were his worst Injuries. No one can feel
sorry for him. A gentleman would have
been politely willing to wait our inconve
nience, and a respectable man wouldn't
have shot our clock and eat and paBtepot
while shootiug at us. We don't know and
shall not ask what he had against us. He
will be laid up for two months at least,
and we hope he will spend a portion of
his time lu reading up on the social amen
ities. Two weeks ago the citizens of Granite
City, through the mayor and other emi
nent -lesldents, imilcd us to nppe.tr last
Thursday evening, and deliver our cele
brated lecture on Columbus. We accepted
ttie invitation, and were on hand, and
when we stood before the audience we
found abort 4G0 people assembled. It
looked to us like a cultured audience, and
we set out to do ourself full Justice. We
hadn't got Columbus away from his own
fireside when we discovered that what
four-fifths of the audience wanted was a
topical song and u clog-dance. Five min
utes later, Just as Columbus reached the
front door, with a determination to go out
and discover something, the people were
hissing. Wc hung to our subject, however,
and then the bad eggs and dead cats began
to fly, and we were pounded off the .stage.
They ougtit to hae been sa,ti,stied with
that, butwerenot. A gang of enthusiastic
citizens Insisted on doing us Aiolenec, and
to escape them we had to hide in the brush
for three long hours. As near as. we can
learn , they wei e disappointed in Columbus.
He was neither cow-l oy nor miner He
didn't Jump on his hat or tackle Indians.
They were down on us I ceause they were
down on him, and we understand that a
dozen men looked all around town for
Christopher, and intended to make it hot
for him. We make no kick. If they want
our lectuie they can have It; if they don't
we are always prepared to make for out
doors as soon as the first egg strikes us.
We have no subscribers ct Granite City,
and we are glad of It. if we had tw"o of
them there one would probably think
that George Washington was running this
paper, and the other would want us to
publish something funny about Noah's
A MACHINE THAT BREATHES.
Two curious Instruments were leccnlly
placed on exhibition by the New York
Academy of Sciences- They vcrc simple
little mechanical contrivances designed to
show the action of the lungs 'and of the
rib muscles when we breathe ' By closely
observing them any person may learn in
a moment just iiow the Inside of the chest
belunes when we inhale a deep breath.
They were made by Prof John F. Wood
hull, of the New York Teachers' College
One of these Instruments consisted of an
ordinary lamp chimney over the bottom of
which was stretched a soft rubber sheet,
and in the top of which was inserted a
rubber stopper. Through the center of
the stopper was a piece of glass tubing.
On the end of the tubing, Inside of the
lamp chimney, was tied a little bag made
of what is known as gold beater's skin.
Ordinarily 'the little bag of sldu in the
chimney hangs limp and loose, like a col
lapsed balloon. If, however, the rubber
sheeting Is caught by the finger? In the
middle aud pulled downward, the enclosed
bag will Immediately swell out to its full
size. This is because pulling the rubber
sheet makes the space within the lamp
larger than the enclosed air can fill, or
what scientists call a partial vacuum- The
outside air rushes down the glass tube to
supply the vacancy, and In doing so swells
the little bag out to its fullest extent- On
the contiary, if the rubber sheet on the
bottom of the chimney is pushed In by the
finger, the little bag folds up limp again.
By quickly pushing the sheet in and pull
ing it out again, the little bag inflates and
folds, out and in, In perfect time to the
action of the fingers-
place when we breathe. The sheet of
rubber on the bottom of the chimney cor
respond to the diaphragm in the human
body. The diaphragm Is the large mem
brane which separates the chest from the
lower part of the body. The little bag
represents the lungs, and the glass tube is
the windpipe. It is a mistaken idea with
many persons that when we breathe the air
rushing Into the lungs causes the lungs and
the muscles surrouudlng them to expand.
But a precisely reverse action takes place.
Welnvarlably move our muscles and diaph
ragm first, thus expanding the lungs, into
which the air rushes to fill up the space,
which would otherwise become a partial
vacuum. The action is all unconscious, and
it appears to be the opposite or what it
reallyis, but that is how it occurs, neverthe
less. Thus a lamp chimney can be made to
perform several actions of the human body.
It breathes Just as truly, audits lungs are
a good facsimile of our own.
The other Instrument looked somewhat
like a band saw. It consisted of several
sticks of wood arranged In the manner of
the illustration. The cross pieces on the
frame representedour ribs and rubber bands
stretched on tacks between them acted pre
cisely as do our rib muscles. Over the
lower points of the frame was a piece of
tape, which had been stiffened by btarch.
This represented the diaphragm. By mov
ing the frame so as to contract the rubber
bands the upper part of the frame (or lung
cavity) became smaller By stretching the
bands it became large. Its imitation of the
human chest movement is perfect, and the
lesson it teaches should be appreciated by
TOO MUCH LOPPING.
Off to the rlghtof the road I saw a man
planting corn in a field. To his right and
about thirty rods away was a fringe of
willows, and as I looked a puff of smoke
shotout andths report; of a firearm reached
my cars. Before I came opposite the man
three shots had been fired, and I saw two
of the bullets kick up the dust within a few
feet ot him. He looked up and saw me, and
shouldering his hoc he came to the roadside
fence and gave me a ''Hello!" Just as an
other shot was fired and the bullet struck
a rail ten feet away.
"Come from Thomasville?" asked the
man as he looked me over.
"Any news down thar?"
"Nothing of interest."
"Most everybody out plantin' corn, I
guess. Which way you goin'?"
"Down to Parson's City. Isn't there
some one over In the willows with a gun?"
"Yes. Jim Fishpr is over thar "with anole
"Well, he's doing some very careless
shooting," I said as another bullet struck
the fence in about the same spot.
"He's doln' the best he kin, I guess,"
replied the farmer as he turned his head.
"But what's he shooting at?"
"Ma He's bin poppin' away fur the
last half-hour. Thar' he goes agin, but
thar' ain't no call to git skeered. If it
comforts him to pop. at nic let him pop!"
"But you ought to do something!" I pro
tested. "I'm doin' sunthin'," he replied with a
quiet smile as he climbed the fence and
Kat on the top rail. "Yes; it's Jim-Fisher,
and he thinks I'll come down thar' and
ax him what he's mad about I shan't,
though. He ain't dolu' nobody any hurt."
"But he must hit you by and by."
"Wall, In a year or two. mebbe. You
see", I know Jim. and Loused to own the
revolver he's sbootin' with. Jin: is blind
In the left eye, lop-shouldered on the left
side; and the old pistol shoots to the left.
When he shoot he sticks out his tongue,
shuts Ms right eye and lops over, and if
I don't sit still fur half an hour he lan't
begin to hit me."
"You take It pretty cool," I fcald. as I
made ready to ride on. ,
"Oh, yes. it's jest an. well," he drawled;
'Mini's got a new box of cartridges, and
niter he flics 'em offlhe'il come out and
want to shake hands and trade dogs. He's
bin shootln at mefui1 a month past, and
1 kin tell by the way he pnlls trigger that
he's glttln discouraged and wants to quit.
No use glttln flusterodi stranger I'm
a-loppln to the light, and,Jims a-loppln
to the left, and the two of us couldn't git
up a bhoot in' match if we was to try all
summer!" ' ,r
JUST A BUSINESS CALL.
Some of the boys, had oid the man
in charge of the cattle yards at Abilene
that the duffei in charge of the fieight
outfit over on the hill had releired to
his peisonal appearance in a dieiesjectful
way. The cattleman thereupon twisted
the tails of thice ol four lelactory bleers
and announced that he would go over and
make the freighter eat grabs or fill him
full of lead. He didn't go atonce, however.
He waited until he got leal mad, and until
he could clean up his guns and sharpen the
point of his bowie knife, and tell aliout
the number ot fnen he had killed down in
Texas. He might not have gone at all
had not his ciowd suggested that he had a
dignity to maintain, aud that the eyes of
the civilized world were upon him After
delaying the matter Its long as he could, the
cattleman announced that he was leady.
He buckled on his guns and shoved a knife
down tils boot-leg. He looked ugly- -He-looked
feioclous. There wasn't the slight
est doubt that he thiistcd for goie and
hankeied after graveyards. There was
only one reason why the "loss" of the
cattlemen should call on the "boss" of
the freighters That leasmi Avas death.
The fielghter was a small man of humble
looks and quiet demeanor. He sat under
a ivagon eating his dinner when the cattle
man came swaggering up, expectorated
"Has tins yerc outfit got a man at the
head of it a man as wears txiots?"
"She has," was the quiet reply.
"Does he know a gun from a steer's
"He do " ' , -
"And might lie be able to pull the nig
ger of that gun if lie liied leal haid?"
"Wall, I've cum over to pay him a call
Mebbe he's heard that I was cumin' and
taken a walk; but if he hasn't, would 30U
be so kind aud condescendin' as to pint
him out to me and in'troduc e me as the
Rocky Mountain Bazoo-u critter what has
ter drink a gallon of blood a day to keep
down Ms rampageousneSs I don'ewantto
put ye to any great trubbie, but rnebbe.
you'll do this fur me!"
"Hartinly, I'll do it," said the man under
the wagon. "Stranger, look down on this!"
"I'm a-lookln'. It's a "gun, I take it?"
"And ou ar' the boss I'm lookin' fur?"
"I am. Have you got any pertlckler blz
ness with me today?"
'lt ain't so very pertlckler," replied the
Bazoo, as ho looked steadily at the muzzle
of the gun. "1 Just cum over on a blzncss
call to axf if blzhess' watf gotfd."
"Blzncss couldu't"b'e better, though I
thank ye fur yer kindness. Is that all?"
"I don't think of 'nutlffri' more at pres
ent, and, if ye hev' nb objeckshuns, I'll
take a walk." '"
"No objeckshuns 'tall, and ye can't start
too quick!" ' '' '
And away went the bpss'of the cattle
men, spitting over each shoulder by turns,
and the boss of the freighters laid down
his gun and attacked' his dinner again
without even a look around to see if other
callers might be expected-
THE BOWSERS' TROUBLES.
"Well, wh.it are you going to do to
day?" queried Mrs.- Bowser as Mr Bow
ser hung about the kitchen door in an un
decided way after breakfast.
"I want a pair of shears," he answered.
"To bhear the lamb. Fd forgot all about
sheep-shcaiing, but it's not too late yet.
Get me the biggest pair of shears you can
find. What ails that old critter down In
the field is that his lleece ought to come
The "old critter" referred to was the
lone old sheep which had been left with
the live stock on the farm. He had a pair
of horns which rambled aroundini strange
way, and his general demeanor had been
so threatening that he had been left in the
field to himself. Of late he had been ncting
queerly, and, after considerable thought,
Mr. Bowser had come to t he conclusion that
he was suffering from the heat.
"Hid you ever shear a sheep?" asked
Mrs. Bowser, aB she put the family shears
in his hand.
"Millions of 'em," he ieplied. "I'll have
his fleece off in ten minutes."
"But don't farmers use sheep-shears?"
"Farmers may use an ax or a cioss
cut saw or a corn-cutter iMhey want to,
but these shears will do me. I'll get lam
under the shed in the barnyard, and you
can come out and see Farmer Bowser shear
,theshyf ul sheep."
"Why nut get some one to do It? It's
a knack to shear a sheep, and from what
I've seen of this one he's ugly-tempered.'
"Don't you worryabout that'knack.'Mrs.
Bowser. Before we go back to town we'll
he wearing stockings made of his fleece.
It he goes to show off with me I'll show him
a trict or two."
Mr. Bowser went off whistling "The
Shepherd's Dream" and took a look at
'his victim from the top rail of the fence.
No sooner did he appear than the sheep
began to buck and snort and shake his
wrinkled head in a defiant manner. If
he was anybody's victim lie didn't seem to
"The Iamb doth frisk!" chuckled- Mr.
Bowber as he watched the proceedings.
"Well, that's all right. He's here to frisk,
and he can't do too much ot it. He'll be
so glad to get that wool off that he'll be
playing circus all day long. The shearer
will now proceed to shore."
The first proceedlug was to let down the
fence dividing the field from the barnyard.
Mr. Bowser went at this quietly, so as not
to scare the sheep away1, buttheanimaldid
not scare... On the contrary, he stood his
ground with a look of mingled expectancy
and exultation In his eyes, andnosooner was
the last r:dl down than he drew a long
breath, lowered his head and shot through
the opening like a cannon ball. He had
an object in view and that object was the
top button on Mr. Bowser's trousers, and
though he missed it he shaved the thing so
closely that Mr. Bowser sprinted across the
barnyard and through tlfeSgatcand wasn't
three seconds ahead of a"- catapult which
struck with a crash and made the splinters
fly. a '
:'B"ave you got tnroufjh shearing the
sbyful sheep?" asTcedsMT8. Bowser as she
came down from the 'house.
Tnim his hide!" exclaimed the nantinc
Mr. BoWser 'as be sfibo'k'nis fist over the i
fence "But I'll allow no critter on this
place to run me across the barnyard! I
thought he was only frisky, but he made for
me like a runaway horbel'"
"I told you you'd better let the job
"And I tell you I'll do nothing of the
kind! Here'B a fool ot an old sheep who
needs shearing. Here I am ready to
shear him. It's his duty to behave him
self, and by the great horn spoon If he
doesn't do It I'll break him in two! I
must huve presented a pretty sight hump
ing myself across the barnyard, with that
old reprobate at my heels!''
"Yc-s, you did!" laughed Mrs. Bowser.
"And you arc chuckling oyer it! I'll
have his lire for that! Where's a club? I
didn't come out here to be chased around
by a sheep nor anything else. Look at the
"1 should say he was dangerous," ob
served Mrs. Bowser, "and you'll do well to
keep away from him."
"80 am I dangerous!" shouted Mr.
Bowser, as he discovered a club in the
grass. "After I've knocked his head off
three or four times he won't feel so blamed
funny I'm going over there and bhow him
who runs this farm."
"Don't do It. If you let him alone he'll
go back Into the field after a bit."
"But I'll wipe up the ground with hit)
carcass! Think of my having to run for my
life before a sheep! See him standing there
and defying me! Getouto' the wayand I'll
make him see a million stars at the fiist
Mrs. Bowser pleaded with him, but that
race across the barnyard rankled In his
mind, and he would not linten to her
He spat on hK hands, got a firm hold
of the club and ordered her to open
the gate The sheep saw what was
coming, and backed off. This movementof
his was Interpreted by Mr. Bowser to be
one ot fear, and his courage lose and he
"Lok out for him!" cautioned Mrs.
Bowser "he's Just drawing you on!"
"And I'm just drawiug him onl As soon
as I getnenr enough I'll - "
He had the club drawn back and grasped
it with both hand, but when the "shy
ful slinep" made his dash Mr. IJowser struck
wildly and Tailed to land. He struck to kill,
and the club flew out of his hands and he
fellsprawliug. As hestruggled up something
hit hini and knocked htm down .aid heht ard
Mrs Bowser screa-nlng He got up for the
second time to see a wrinkled head and a
pair of h'irascios; upo.i him, a v witha yell
he started off. la Ids confusion he ranaway
froai the gate aid Mrs. Bowser and took a
circle around the barnyard. He wasn't
running for a modal nor to break a record,
but bimply to kpep ahead of an unshorn
sheep, and such was his pace that he held
his lead until the gate was only ten feet
overtook him. Mr. Bowser's broad back of
fered a fine target and as the blow was de
llvere 1 he went head over hs2ls through the
open gatu and Mrs. Bowser closed it not a
second too soon. Ten minutes later Mr.
Bowser opened his eyes, waved tiie cam
phor bofle away frj 11 his nose and faintly
"Wha what arc you trying to do?"
"You've bcea bunted" by a lamb," replied
Mrs. Bowser a she chared his bunds.
"Is the Iamb dead?"
"Oh, no. He's walking around and wait
ing to frisk with you again! How do you
feel, Mr Bowser?"
"I I don't quite understand this," he
b'aid as lie sat up and clutched at the gras.
"Why, Farmer Bowser went out to
shear the shyful lamb, and the lamb
objected to being shorn- You got a club
tj kill him, but he dodged and bunted
you in the back You turned over five
Uinr" and came through the gate, and
I am restoring you to life That's all.
How do you feel now?"
'T feel," lie replied, as he looked
around and then struggled up and leaned
against the fence 'I feel that you al-
unoSjt succeeded in carrying out your mur
deroiis destgu, and this artemoon :"
''But what had I to do with it?"
"Silence, woman! I tee it all! Don't
make the case worse by offering excuses.
This afternoon I'll write to my lawyer,
andtomorrow everythingcan be arranged -satisfactorily
arranged, Mrs. Bowser! Not
a word not a word! I understand your
little game and the plot stands revealed!"
And he limped off to the house and
left Mrs. Bowser looking after him with
tears iu her eyes.
A CROSS COOK.
We were all waiting for dinner, sitting
about the camp on our bootheels, every
man In his slicker, and the cook was
augry. It had rained for four days. The
camp was on the open plain, away fioin
timber, and wet cowchips are mighty poor
fuel. Also the acrid smoke arising from
them was an unequalled tear-inducer.
Under the wagon was a rawhide sling, In
which trie cook kept a store of dry brush
for kindling fires. Damp chips, gathered
up about thecamp, were piled on, and soon
made a smudge which was excellent and
effective to keep away flies and mosqui
toes, but which was several hundred per
cent inferior to a modern range ror cook
Out ot thecolumnofsmokecame thecook.
with a pot of hot coffee iu each hand and
tears brimming in his eyes.
"This is the last hot meal you get until
we move camp," he announced emphati
cally, setting down one coffee-pot and wip
ing his eyes as he passed around filling
our tin cups.
"Cookie is crying for the sins he's had
no chance to commit," said Scotty confi
dentlallyf aiid he received a few drops ot
boiling coffee on the thumb which held his
Scotty Is not a philosopher, and he
swore but not at the cook. The cook Is
a philosopher and bears with equauimity
whatever the fates bring him in the way
of wood or weather, and he minds the
guying ot the men no more than he
minds the odor of his slicker, which gets
a fresh coat of fishoil after every heavy
Yet the cook was wrathy. We could
smell it in the smoke and taste it in the
coffee, and unfailing sign he had re
moved hlsleathercartridgebeltand holster.
Cookie supported his trousers with an
extra large belt, always full of ammuni
tion. He had never been known to fire
his gun. even at a jack-rabbit, but occa
sionally would take it from the holster
and ask the foreman to keep It for a day.
saying. "I'm mad." When, therefore, it
was seen that lie had not only removed
the pistol, but the cartridge belt also,
trusting to Frovidence to hold up his
trousers, we felt that a crisis had come.
A philosopher who Is also a cook Is such
a valued adjunct to a cow outfit that
wo were all attention when, after we
were served with coffee and sour-dough
bread. Cookie said briefly, addressing him
self to the foreman: "Me or Mike Tussler
has got to quit."
"What's the matter. Bill?" asked the
"Well, it's tliis way," he replied, speak
ing slowly. "Mike knows as well as any
body that tho b'ys can swear at each
other, but they can't swear at the cook.
That's the rule everywhere. Nobody but
the foreman can swear at me. Well, this
morning, when the horse band was drlv'
in, the by'e put up the ropes to a wagon
wheel to hold 'em, and I took one rope like
I always do. It was wet and slippery,
and when everybody else had caught a
boss Mike wentin to rope hisbuckskin, and
they all surged my way agin the rope and
pulled It through my hands, and Mikeswore
"Yes,'' added Mike, "and the wholebunch
got out, so I bad to ride an old lame plug
"I guess you two can settle that little
matter for yourselves," said the foreman.
"That's all right,'1 said Cookie. "I'm
a-golng to lick hlrn after dinner, but one of
us has got to quit," r
"Oh, well," said the. foreman, "yon are
both good men. I won't choose between
you; justfllp a copper." Mike sat back, an
Indifferent spectator, while thecook found
a coin and tosseditup. "Besttwoin three,"
said he; and announced himself the loser.
Ho asked for his wages, and received an
order on the company for the amount due
"If you .get out of a job," said the fore
man, gravely, shaking hands with HH,
"corne back to us."
"Oh, I ain't mad at you," said the
cook, "and I hate to quit. But nobody but
the foreman can swear at me. It ain't
"Now. Mike, are you ready?" he asked,
taking oft his slicker
"You'd better be going before you fight."
suggested Mike, who was filling his pipe.
"You'll get further."
"Hold on. boys, I want to make a bet
on this event." interposed Scotty, and the
cook put on his slicker and waited while
Scotty Looked bets enough to baukrupt
himself. Then Mike gave me his pipe
to keep alight, and sailed In.
Unfortunately, no ex-Senator from Kan
sas was present to report this contest
There was some vigorous in-fighting, the
men ciiuehed and went down together.
They rolled over a few times in the lush,
wet grass, and then one of them got up.
It was Mike. Heresumed his pipe, mounted
his liore and went out to the herd. The
other men went about their several duties.
The foreman stayed in camp.
Presently the falling rain revived the
fallen cook. He cat up, then rose slowly,
and. going to the mess-box, took out his
belt and pistol and put them on. He then
approached the foreman and aJSked:
"Do you want to hire a good cook, with
all the nonsense knocked out of him?"
"I do." replied the foreman.
"I'm your man." said EII1. "I made a
A stew of brains and marrow was the
cook's chef d'oeuvre. It was served only
wlien he was in a buoyant mood. "We had
it that night for supper Tho Argonaut.
THE FIGHTING PISH OP SIAM.
Next to the far-famed tree-climbing fish
peculiar to portions of South America, I
have failed to discover that the habitable
waters hold any denizen much more re
markable than the fighting fish of Slam.
Tile Siamese are notorious gamblers. In
their innocent, prattling, "fond," simple
way they will stake their little all uron
their favorite wrestler, their favorite
Juggler, their most admired cock, and even
upon ttieir choicest, champion ot the finny
tribe. For these "fighting fish" are no
myth, and I am writing ot something that
I have seen with my own eyes.
Walking quietly on the btreets of Bang
kok one afternoon, when the tropic sun was
beginning to wune, and the shorn priests
were beginning their weird invocations to
Buddha in the wats ot that extraordinary
and malodorous city, I was aware of a
great commotion, iu the near distance.
Natives were running alout bhouting ex
citedly in the Siamese lingo, and generally
conveying the impression that something
out of the ordinary was in processor being.
"What's the matter?" I inquired.
"The fighting fish! The fighting fish!"
replied several excited voices.
As incredulous as might be. I took the
direction indicated, and forced my way
through a small throng of natives, all
talking and gesticulating their fastest,
but still lehgiously chewing (and when
are they not?) the inevitable and unpleaaac
betel-nut. What a scene It was, to ue
sure! As soon as I could get near enough
to see anything "definite," I perceived that
the center of attraction was a huge bowl
three parts full of water, the -surface of
which was at that moment churned into a
veritable foam, stieaked with blood. In
addition to the water, the bowl contained
several fish, about the size ot ordinary
English river-fish, and of much the same
appearance, save as regards the giUV,
which looked particularly ferocious and
warlike. In all save this the combatants
might at first sight have been mlstsiken
for the perch, roach or small pike ot our
own rivers, or so it appeared to rue. They
were "fighting" in every different way
known to the smaller fish, savagely bit
ing, lashing about them with their tails,
aud loMng no opportunity of using their
sharp, knife-like fins. Anon a fish would
turn over aud over, the curdled watar would
take a still ruddier tinge, and the beaten
enemy would roll over on his back or side
The excited onlookers never pau-ed one
moment elthei as regarded the barel of
their raised voices, the pantomime of their
gesticulation, or the quantities of atts
ns the copper coinage of the country is
called which they were staking upon
the fisheot their fancy Such as had not
the actual coin employed cowne shells,
which, being the original currency of
Siam. still find favor with the masses,
and are recognized as legal tender. What
a race of gamblers this people Is! I be
lieve they would part with their soullc-s
souls (but for feur of the Buddha) for the
chance of "a quiet gamble" upou some
thing or somebody It is a species of
mania which we in the West cannot
I never waited for the final result of
the fish fight, but walked away, though
the hoarse shouts and cries of the gam
bleis lingered in my ears for many hun
dred yards. It would be interesting to
know whether the explanation Is a "race
enmity" between the fish themlves: but
if it is not. what can be the explanation?
In any case It is a curious spectacle to
European eyes, and one not without a
seml-savagc Interest of its own. Look
for it beyond the borders of the Land of
the White Elephant and you will find it
not. These fighting fish make excellent
A PORCUPINE SCRAP.
A battle that was not at all down on the
bills took place at the Zoo yesterday, it
was hot and heavy and hard fought. It
was a sort of international affair, and
wound up with America on top. The con
testants were the plucky American porcu
pine aud the African porcupine- While all
these animals have quills in plenty, those
of the American porcupine are the shorter,
being two or three Inches long, while
those of the African are as long as the or
dinary pen-holder. This "longer reach"
would be expected to settle a fighting
bout, but it didn't this time-
Superintendent Stephan had put the two
porcupines Into the same cage as an' ex
periment, wanting to see whether thcy
would dwell together in brotherly love.
For a few minutes they seemt,d entirely
indifferent to one another's presence.
Then their little inquisitive eyes began to
gleam and glitter. Their quill armor be
gan to bristle, and the essence of fury
and hate as it coursed through their swell
ing veins seemed to setl: a vent atevery
individual quill, until these stooil out on
their backs like stickers on a locust tree
As if at the call of time thei leaped
at one another and the fight began. They
clawed viciously at one another's face
and eyes, then would roll themselves up
into bristling balls and hurl themselves
savagely at one another again. Each
time they thus met a bundle of quills was
transferred from the back of one to the
exposed forehead of the other. The
fight went on fiercely for some time, In
spite ot the attendants" efforts to stop
Finally the African threw up the sponge
He drew up Into his quarter and squatted
down, refusing to continue the contest;
further, ills forehead, the only vulner
able part of his anatomy, was covered
with quills, but they belonged to the
American. He presented a 1 athetic, ye
ludicrous, sight. It took two l.ocrs to ex
tract the hostile quills, some of which
had been driven in to the depth of an Inch.
With his wounds dressed he looked a very
sick and thoroughly disgusted porcupine.
It is not yet known whether he will
yield the world's championship to the
American or whether, like Jim Corhett,
he is going to follow his rival till he has
another go with him. Cincinnati Tribune
A CJIICAGO PHILANTHROPIST.
Prizes Offered to Children of tha
City by Unknown Man.
An employe of one otthelargecommercial
concerns of the city has hit upon a plaj
for the education and higher development
ofstreet urchins and children in the voriotif
charitable Institutions of the city. Abou
a year ago he began tliis work as an ex
periment and it proved eo succes3ful that
he has enlarged his field from the Newd-'
boys Home to the Home of the Friendless,
the Institution for Female Offenders at
Geneva, and the Industrial School fox
Boys at Glenwood. This man prefers ta
work quietly, and carries on his corre
spondence under the pen name of "A. N.
The plan Is based upon the principle of
self Interest. He bays that by striving ta
get up a rivalry between children of tha
ages among whom he has wcrked,brlDg
about results that he claims cannot b
secured iu any other way. His scheme i(
to offer a series of prizes in the varicui
institutions .for clean faces, geed conduct,
truthfulness and other thing that go t
make good citizens out of the toys and
, The first test of this plan was among the
newsboys. The philanthropist sent to the
home at that time 100 bright new pennlesr
which were divided up and offered at
prizes. The first prize was to the boy
who behaved himself the be:t for thirty
days, and consisted of twenty-five pennies.
He says he has found that it makes littla
difference as to the value of the object
for which the children strive AnotMi
was a spellfng-inatcn, in which the boy
who could correctly spell the greatest
number of words found en a certain bill
board after returning to the si bedroom
was the winner. "A. N. American" sayi
that there was the liveliest sort of com
petition for the small prize offered ana!
that it was surprising how the little fel
lows picked up valuable information as a
result or the little ruse.
For a tlmethe man was compelled to give
up this work on account of sickness, hut a
few days ago he began It again by send
ing a box of prizes to the Home of tha
Friendless and the Newstioys' Home The
prices sent to the latter consisted of fout
fancy flies, three pocketbooks, three pern
tKixes, three boxes ot pins, seventeen story
books, and twenty-four red, white, and
blue lapel buttons.
"I am not seeking fornotoriety," said tho
philanthropist, speaking of his wrk. "Fo
that reason I prefer to work without th$
children knowing who I am. All I am
trying to do is to stimulate in the mradi
of these street urchins a desire to be bust
ness and professional men. I want to he'x
them to help themselves, and I have com
to the conclusion that the best way to dc
this is to give them an object to work for.
In a city of this size there are thousand
of little ones who are in danger of drift
ing into the slums it left to themselves. If
we can get them Interested In nomctbinf
that will divert their minds from their sur
roundings, it will tend to prevent this.
With these children It is not -a. matter of.
reclamation, but of giving them the right
direction and right impetus and prevent
the necessity of a reclamation. A few
pennies give them a motive, as they ar
unable to comprehend the higher moti.-er.
that older persons would." Chicago !?osi.
HER LITTLE LARK.
The "Walter Saved Her Feelings and
the Beer. J
Such a discreet waiter as he was oh,
so very discreet. See If you don't say so
after I have told you this story. I sat in
the Planters cafe, lunching with some
friends, the other noon, when it pretty
girl whom 1 recognized as belonging to a .
very good West End family rushed down,
the marble steps and seated hir&elf at-trio
small round table next to ours. She glanced
about in a half deprecating sort of way,
fingered her tiny enameled watch a bit,
then pulled off her gloves with an air of
decision and prepared to give her order,
as the waiter came up with a menu In hls
hand. "1 think you may bring me half a broiled
live lobster, French fried potatoes, let
tuce, and '' then followed something in
a low tone, which I did not hear.
"Yes madam. Budweiscr?" said tha
waiter, Interrogatively. She nodded, and
then I knew the remainder of that order.
Off he went, and I returned to the dis
cussion of my luncheon. In about five
minutcsthefrontdoor ot the cafeopened to
admit a poitly, gray-haired, dignified gen
tleman, who came slowly up between tha
rows of tables, casting his eyes about him
for a seat Presently he saw the girl.
"Why, how do you do, my dear Alice,"
he said, sitting down beside her with a
kind, fatherly smile. "How is it you hap
pen to be lunching here all by yourself?
May I join you?"
For a minute the girl looked fearfully
embarrassed, then she forced a smile and
"How nicel Of course you may! Yes, I
am all alone. I expected mother would bo
here to luncheon, but she drove out to
Cabanne this morning and hasn't returned
yet. You know we are stopping here at
the hotel until our house Is put in order.
It has been shut all winter while we wero
They chatted on about different things,
as their glasses were filled with water and
the usual preliminaries in the way ot bread
and butter placed befdre them.
The girl was growing nervous, very much
so She- kept glancing over her shoulder
every few minutes, and pulling a piece
of bread into small bits as the man talked,
I rather wondered myself just how she
was going to explain about that bottle ot
beer. My own meal was finished r but I
delayed purposely to see what she would
do. The twenty minutes of broiling time
were up. The waiter appeared, bearing
his silver covered dishes befoie him.
Deftly anil quickly he placed in position
plates and ctitlerv, then the scarlet lobster,
the potatoes, the lettuce. That was all.
A sigh of relief came fromthe giil. Her
face relaxed in an astonishing degree.
She looked at the waiter and said with
a shade barely a shade-of meaning-in
"I don't think I care for anything moref
"What, Alice, aren't you going to havo
some dessert?" asked her fatherly friend.
"No," s.iid the girl, "no dessert." SV
Couldn't Stand tho Drnlu.
Jack Was yours a long courtship, old fel
low? Will -Gracious, no! My wire had nine '
brothers and sisters.
"Heally. But what difference did that
"What difference? Well, If you had to
bribe a crowd like that to keep out of tho
parlor every time you went to see your
girl you'd soon want to cut expenses."