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"iV1iirf'T ' " y?1i!ifi'iz:' -"&& THE MORNING TIMES,. SUNDAY, MAY U 1897. 18 -? A Collection of Stories Purely American. FANCIFUL NOTIONS OF M. QUAD 3Jr. und "Mrs. Bowser and Tlielr Most Recent Trouble John Chiini Ijorlln'is Poker Game Ho Knew the Family The Story of a Brook lyn Merchant. ' What's all this truck you had Mint up licre this aftenioonV" asked Mrs. Bowser, U8 Iter better hair came home to dinner the oMier evening. He replied that lie would explain matters after he had satisfied his appetite; and when tuey aiose from the table he removed bin coat, bared ids right arm and said: "Mis. Bowser, reel this arm. will you?" "Have you got iheumalifcin?" she asked as she ran her hand over it. You hae heard of withered limbs, ltavcn't you? "Well, my arms and leg- are going to wither and become of no earthly use to me unless something is done right away. I've suspecteJ It for tome time, but was not suieumil I had a talk with a doe tor to la j." "Are you going to take a course of treat ment?" she asked. "1 hat's it exactly, and I hope to check the withering business in the bud. Yes, I am going right at It this c.ening. Think what would happen, Mrb. Bowser, if my legs reruscd to hold me up; if my arum last their strength so I could no longer leed my seir." "Where's your medicine?" "I shall take no medicine. What I want In this case Ib exercise plenty of exercise. I am going to put up a performing bar in the garret and do some performing ac cording to the doctor's orders." "Oh, that'b it? I thought it alout time for you to get another foolish notion into your head. If you need exercise, why don t you do some walking get a halt a coidof woo J andabuck saw buyaspadennd.urn up some earth in the back yard? If some man would come along and tell you your toes were falling off you'd believe him " "Mrs. Bowser, what do you know of anatomy?" "And what do you?" she retorted. "Enough t believe a doctor when he says my anus are gradually shrinking away until they will soon be pipe stems, and all for the want of exercise, lie has told me what to do. and I'm going to do it. If you want to shrivel and shrink go ahead, but I don't piopote to die that way. I shall put up my performing bar and perform." She made nofurtherprotest.knowingthat words would be useless, and Mr. Bowser cameJ the bundle of stuff to the garret and began woik. In tie course of half au hour tie ha-J his bar up, and having removed ull unnecessary clothing, w as ready to be gin. Mrs. Bowser came up just then and inquired what he was going to do. He leaped up, caught the bar with both bands, ewung back and forth, and replied: "You see tlie object, Mrs. Bowser. The first Idea is to strengthen the muscles of the arms and that is done by sustaining the weight or the tody. 1 find that I can sus tain myself, but a week later I might not have been able to. You have heard or Satnpsoi.orcourse. He began on a perform ing bar like this." "You'd get more exercise by carrying the ashes out or the cellar," ehe said, as che turned away. "Tint's you, of course," he exclaimed, as he dropped from tiie bar. "It's enough that I want to do anything that you should oppose it. IT you'd wake up some morning and find me withered up like an old bean pod you'd rejoice in your heart. You won't have that satisfaction, however. I al ready feel better than I have in three months." "I'll get the camphor and other things ready," she called f mm the stairs. He waited until she had disappeared and then resumed his swinging. There wasn't much fun in this, as It made his anus ache, and tie presently decided that his legs ought to have a show. He had seen a leg thrown oer a bar in a gymnasium and he set out to do it. He got the swing all right and he lined his leg Just at the right Instant, but just as he thought he had made a success of it something fell on the floor with a jar that shook the house. It was Mr. Bowser. He had missed the "hang" of it. For a long minute he lay there looking up at the celling and trying to make out what had happened. Then, as things began to clear up, Mrs Bowser appeared and asked "Are you trying to break your back to keep your arms from withering? I thought the whole house was coming down." "Woman 'gasped Mr. Bowser as he e1 owl y sat up, "you hoped I had killed myspir, but I only lay down to rest. You can trot right downstairs again and attend to your household duties." She disappeared and he took thrceor four minutes to study it out. He hadn't swung his boJy hard enough, nd he tried tothrow his right leg oer Instead of his left. His back and shoulders ached, but he rose up with a grimdeteimlnation to succeed or die. He was in no hurry, however. He went at It cautiously, and after three or four efforts he suddenly lifted himself and his leg went over the bar For tea seconds he was tickled naif to death as he hung there. Then itoc currcJ to him that he had got to get his leg down again or lemaln on the perch all night. He tried again and again, but he couldn't do it, and losing his nerve he called for Mrs. Bowser. "What are yon trying to do?" she asked as she came running upstairs. "To get that leg orr the bar," he shouted. "But don't you sec that you can't do It unless you raise your whole body. You are sagging down like a bag of sand. What did you want to cet your leg over for?" 'I don't know, but something will have to be done." "Better leave It there all night. There are signs that your spinal column Is wither ing away and the position may do it good " "Can't you help lift me up?" he pleaded. "I don't believe I can hold on heie an other minute." "You'll have to. I'll get the cook and maybe both of us can boost you up Didn't I tell you Just now how it would come out? If somebody should tell you to hang your self up by the hair or the Jicad to turn your toes out you'd do It." She went downs'.airsand left him hanging od like grim death, his face as red as a beet and the perspiration trickling down his neck. She didn't call the cook. She simply sat down to wait for results. In about three minutes they came. Mr. Bowser maintained his grip until his fingers were numb, and all of a sudden he uttered a yell and let go. His leg hold sustained him for a few seconds and then there was another yell and a crash. He had only threefeetto fall, but as. he struck on his head and fell ovcrllkeasturdyoakthecookinthekltchen dropped the dishpan and Jumped for the back yard Five minutes later Mr. Bowser heard himself asking: "Where am I and what has happened?" "You weie right under your performing bar and you have performed," uchcard Mrs. Bowser answer. "Am'l killed?" "Oh, no. On the contrary you are no longer In any danger of being withered up. Take a long whiff of this camphor and He quiet for a few minutes." h "What what was 1 trying to do?" he whispered between his snifrs. "I think you were trying to 'skin the cat,' as they call It, but the cat skun you. Lc5 mo help you downbtatra a nd get you into bed." Next morning Mr. Bowser got up with a lop in each shoulder, a limp in either legand his back humped up; but he was game. When Mrs. Bowser asked him how he rclt he re plicJ: "Same as usual. Why?" "I didn't know but the fall hint you." "Fall, fall. What fall?" 'Tro'ii y.iur performing bar last night. Don't you remember?" "No, ma'am, I-don't,'' he stirriy replied. "If you will allow yourself to become bilious and have the nightmare younesd not bother me with your fantasies. It's my opinion that you'd better do some per rormliiK on the gas and coal bills and not be so recklessin your household expenses." A NEW ONE ON BILL. We .were waiting at tins Air Line Junc tion for the Southern expressfifteen or twenty passongeis when we saw a man come running along the country highway with his hat in his hand. As he rtiow nearer to us be waved the hat and shouted, but no one could make him out until he reacted us. He was a man or fiit years and very much excited, and he had to wait tbioe or four minutes before he could say: "Gentlemen, my son Bill has bioke loose and will be lierc hi ten minutes!" "What's the matter with your son Bill?" asked one or the passengers. "He's the nwfullcst fignter in all this SUite!" was the reply. "Ue'b fit and licked evciytliin' fur 200 miles around, and fur the last week I've had him tied up in tie Kirn, 'cause he was achm' to fight and nobody would fight him. He "was bustin the lopes when 1 left, and bo'll clsiw this crowd up as a cow cats cabbage. Thar' he comes now!" On the crest or it hill half a mile away we saw a man wlw was headed our way, and the passengers asked of the excited father: "WUit do you think we had better do In the case?" "Git inside and lock the doors!" shouted the old man, "and mebbe 1 kin coat Bill not to do you any damage! If I lad a chunk of raw beef 1 think 1 could git uim tofollow me back honi-agin. Seeliimcuni! He's acliin' fur death and destrucksli'in:" "He isn't foolish or crazy, is he?" "Not a bit, blr. He's jest a rip-roarir of a fightei, and if he lights dowu on this crowd suntbin' awrul will happen. What you goin' to do?" "I'm golu' to meet your son Bill," re plied the man as fie threw orr his coat and pushed up his blceves. "But he'll make cat's-meat of you in two hoots and a holler! Gentlemen, fur heaven's sake git inside while 1 tee if 1 can coax Bill to spare your lives!" The passenger leaped off the platform and went down the icad a few yards to meet Bill, who was coming on the Jump, and yelling every time he lifted his feet from the earth He was a chunky young man about twenty-five years old, and as he came up he made stialght for the ikih benger. "Hold on. Bill don't kill him don't kill him!" shouted the father, as he niched for ward, but he was too late. Bill had rushed at the passenger with his arms going like flails, and something had sholoutandland ed on his Jaw and Inid him on his liaek. He did not get up for ten minutes. He lay so quiet that some thought him dead, but after a dash of water in his face he opened his oyes and sat up, and the father queried of the passenger: "MKer, what did you do to my son Bill?" "I landed on his Jaw," was the reply. "And Is he a licked man?" "He is. He is sighing to go home to his mothei." "Yes, he looks like it. Say, Bill, the airth has tipped up and you ai' a licked rip-roarer. Let's go home to ma." And Bill slowly got up, looked around as if he had lost something, and lean ed heavily on his father's shoulder while the pair walked down the dusty highway and never looked back. THE BATTLE OP CHICAMAUGA. I stopped at the rami house on the battle field or Chickamauga and asked the old farmer sitting on the door step if he lived theie when the battle was rought and could give me any particulars about it. "Yes, sah lived right yens" he replied as he stood up, "and I shall neverrorgitthat Tout. When I got up in the mawnin' and went oat to milk I teen about a million Yankee soldiers around." "Thar' was To' million of 'em, Samuel,' corrected his wife, as she came around the corner of the house. "Yes, fo' million, sah, and they had guns and swords and was powerful mad about sunthln'. 1 wab Iookin' around fur the cow when a monstrously powerful gmeral rode up to me and axed ir they mgiht uevafouton iny land. I told hi ml 'dice the ole woman and let him know." "And I said I leckon they mought, ir they'd be keerfulor the garden sass and not let the pigs out," added the woman. "Yes, that's what you said," contin ued the husband, "and when I went out to Teed the hawgs I told the gineral so. He seemed powerfully pleaed about it, and said he wouldn't forgit my kindness. I was feediu' the cair when .another monstrously powerful gineral rode up and wanted to know IT he could git tome bieakfast. I toll him I'd see the ole woman and let him know." "And I said he could, It he paid Tur it," put in the wife. "Yes, that's exactly what you said, Hanner, and I went out and told him so. He smiled and bowed and made his boss prance around, and binieby he cum In. He ate siv 'taters, three slices or fried pork and a monstious sight of bread and butter. I axed him if he was mad at the Confeds, an J he said he was I axed lilm why, and he said he'd dun foigot, but was mad alloAe: Jest the same and was bound to give 'em down thekentry. I told him it wasugin the Bible to right.'' "So did I," added the wire. "Yes, I lemember you tolJ him so, and lie didn't deny it. He was Jest goin' to pny rur his breakrastwhen another monstrously powerful gineral rode up and axes fur me and wants to know if he kin hev a Tout on my land. He was a Confed, and he was, bustin' mad. I told him I'd see theole wom an about it and let him know." "And I says he kin Tout ir he didn't lip over the rain bar'I or break down the plum trees." "That's what you said, Hanner, and .'"11 swear to it,and the Yankee was so upsot that ho went away and didn't pay fur his breakfast. Then the Conred said he was hungry, and he ate rive 'taters, fo' slices of rrleJ porkaud heaps and hcapsof bread and butter. I axed him what he was inad at, an J he saidt hem dratted Yanks had stolehis feather bed. I told him itwas agin the Bible to four, luit he didn't keer shucks. He was catln' away when a man steps in and says the fout was ready to be fittea, and the monstrously powerful gineral hurries out and don't pay fur his breakfast." "But I told yo' to go arter him," said the wire. "Yes, Hanner. you did, and I went along, but jest then the fout begunv Sakcs alive, but I never want to see another sich. time!" . , " "What did you see?" I asked. "Why, the awfullest, powerfullest sights in the woild, Fan. They torejdown the ling pen, upsot the hen roost, wrecked the mewl shed and tramped all my garden sass into ilia nirtli, and ir I hadn't stood r'ght thar with aclub they'd liev stole alien" soft soap and hard cider." "And isthatnll?" "Is that all ? Why, what ar' yo Iookin' fur, btranger? Mebbe yo'd druther sttmbody else would tcllyo' about this fout aiimbody who wasn't yere!" "Yes. mebbe he'd druther!" added the wife as I htatted for the gate. HE KNEW THE FAMILY. 1 hart been told that I could find lodgings Tor the night at Uncle Taylor's, and was within a mile or the house when a man came out of the bushes with a gun on bis shoulder. 1 asked him if the next house was Taylor's, and he said it was, and In turn Inquired if I was going to stop there. Being answered in theaiiiiniative he continued: "Stranger, J-'rt ride on to he next house ir 1 was you. I know all about them Tay lorb." "I was told that they were a nice fam ily." "Wok you? Wall, I guess the folks didn't know 'eiii That'sa purtygoodhosou've got thar. The old man Taylor sorter decent, about sum things, but if jou stop thar tonight be '11 git up and steal that boss afore midnight as suab's yer born. It's in him to steal a good boss and he can't help it. Bid ye h'ai anytbin' said about his boy Jim?" "Nothing against him." "Wall, you take my word fur It tl at he ain't no better'n he orter be. If the old man was tied up by the heels and couldn't git out to steal yer boss, .Mm would do It fur siinh. He's about ready to skip tlie kentry, and would like a boss to travel on. Anybody say anytbin' about bis son Joe?" "Not to his detriment." "I don't know nothln' 'bout detriment," said the old man, with a puzzled look; "but I wouldn't trust that boy Joe as fur as ye could sling a mewl. He don't keer much fur bosses, but that watch o' yours would jest fit him, and he'd hev it if he had to bust yer head. 1 knowed him to roller a man over twenty miles once in hopes to git his watch, and it was a pore watch at that. Did ye know that Uncle John had a darter?" "Yes, I heard so." "Bid ye hear that she wanted to clt married mighty bad?" "No." "Wall, she docs, and she'd go fur you the powerfullest kind. If ye said ye didn't wauter marry, or bed a wife already, she'd go inter a tantrum and run yer outer the house. She run a man over three miles one night last week. Did them folks back tnar' mention ole Missus Taylor?" "Yes: they said she was a fine woman." "That was powerful kind ,u,' them, but she's got faults, same as the rest. I've knowed some awful liars in my time, but she does beat the hull crowd. And she's that tired of livlu' out in this kentry that she'd ax ye to elope with her be fore you'd bin in the house ten minutes. I aln'tbraggin'that I'm a square man, but I don't want to see a stranger taken in and dun fur." "l'ou eam'tlive so far away?" I queried as we walked along together. "No, not so fur," "And why can't I lodge with you to night?" With me? Why, hain't I Jest bin warnin' ye all about it? Hain't ye got It through yer head I'm Uncle John Taylor hisseir.and that's the way I cum to know so much about the ram'ly." "You- you are." "You bet I ar', and ir I was you I'd hurry up and git hair a mile ahead. I don't want to see a stranger taken in and dun fur, hut if wc travel together fur another forty rods it'll be Jest like me to hold ye up fur all ye've got and like 'nurf pop ye over to boot!" WATCHING THE FLAMES. Without, the sighing or the wind, that mimicked au infant's wailing. Within, the nicker or theopen fire, that threw grotesque shadows or therurnlslungs upon the walls or the library, tolcap and dance and radeand return, In wavringdiableries, with now and then a spluttering sound as the names de voured a bit or pitch, or the rustling or falling ashes. "Berore the fireplace a man, sitting quite still in a low, leathern chair, save for a nervous but noiseless tattoo that tiis ringers played on its cushioned arm in hardly sup pressed excitement. He seemed engrossd in bubtle thought, but in every sense was keenly alert. A bronze clock stood on the mantel. Its gold hands marking the midnight hour yet moments passed and It did not chime He had stopped it. Its ticking an noyed htm. Theflame In the grate annoyed him, too. it seemed so fickle now blazing light, now dying down to a sullen red. The flickering name was a symbol or lire. Lire, an atom or primal rorce, for a time strangely held in bondage, and for so short a liiiiemanirest. The name wasgone. Theashes remained. Death. Thereleassor theatom. Wheredoes the atom come Horn? What is the power that binds It? Whence Uoes'it hasten when It is freed? Idle questions, all or them. The click of the latch somewhere in the house startled him. He sprang to his Teet and approached the door, straining his ears to listen. There was a muffled rootfall somewhere in the upper hallway; the soft click or the latch was repeated, then all was silent. He lingered a while by the hair open dooi, then tiptoed back to his seat. Ah, cms was weary watching. Yet we are watchers, all of us. Some watch the future, some the past; Tew men live wholly In the present. And though unconsciously, perhaps all of us watch for lire or Tor death, He waited long, but the faintly heard cry was not repeated. What could have caused It, he wondered. He crossed the room to the window, drew back tlie blinds, raised the curtains and lookeJ out. Against the Taint ghostliness or the night the trees stood out like black giants. The moon had dropped behind the hill, but the morning star shone brightly. There was no sound to warn him, yet a sudden Impulse compelled him to drop the curtain and turn toward the hair-open door. Then he sprang toward It quickly. "Tell me!" he "demanded, hoarsely. A woman stoo Jin thedodrway. The.dark ness concealed the smile she wore. "It is a boy, sir," she answered. JOHN CHAMBEHLIN'S TAT HAND. A Poker Game lu Which Mr. Cock ling Acted as Umpire. ir ever .in optimist lived, the late John Chanibeilln was one; and yet be had to swim through his hours or disgust the same as men or lets cheerful temperament. He often said that the most dismal ex perience or his lire was a single round or a two-handed poker game that he played back In 1878 with a Kentuckian of na tional fame at that time. It was after a dinner at Chnmberlin'b hotel one winter evening. Besides Cham berlln and the Kentuckian, Roscoe Conk ling and a member of Hayes' Cabinet bad helped to make away with tbe dinner. Arter It had been eaten the Tour adjourned to Chambeilin's private smoking-room to enjoy their correcand cigars. They all felt pretty well, the only natural feeling for the proper kind or a man after eating his share or a Chamlerlin dinner. They sat around Chatnberlln'sfamouslacquered ca-.-l table (pin chased for him in Japan by Gea. Grant), yarning and dawdling for a while. Tbe "Kentuckian, fumbling among tbe re cesses of tbe card tableTgot libltl or a pack or cards in a celluloldcrtse, arid, arter lazily toying with It, sal 1 nc: ' !' "John, let's play a slngleJjack, Just to eee how the cards rulft" J "All tight," replied! Cbrimberlin, "for what limit-the sky?' ' "That's my gaiheysald the Keiltuck ian, and both men put up a 'hundred dollar bill in tliccenter or thetnbls.!They arrange I that it should be a plain case of jacks or better to open. The Kentuckian shook" the cards out of the Oase, shurried them, and, at a nod from Chain! erlin, dealt the hand Conkllngand the Cabinet officer stoodlook Ing on with their hands in thelr.pockets. Chambcillri picked up his cards one by one. He was a cool-headed man who had learned the game of poker at an age when most boys arc Just mastering bhinny, but the witnesses afterward declared that his face certainly flushc J when h3 had gathered in all or Ids rive caids. But be didn't say anything until the Kentuckian slowly pick ed up his cards, and he was probably so wrought up himseir that he did not observe his opponent's "supptcssed excitation," as Conkling put it, In conning the hand. "I'hll," said Cbambcrlln to (he Kentuck ian, "I don't wnnt to be-hard on you, but I'd never have any more luck as long as I live ir I didn't play this hand as itdeserves to be played. So I'm going to break It opca Tor rive hundred," shoving tbe money into the pot. "John," replied the Kentuckian, witli a little tremor in his voice, "I real It my duty to warn you right now that I've got you beat on the go in, and I don't want to take any tinfah advantage or you; but I can't arforrt to turn a churlish scowl to the smile or Fortune any more than you can; and, so, John, it'll cost you a thousand more to draw caids.' "Weil," returned Chamberlln with a sigh, shoving the mbe into the pot, "I never saw aKcntuckiau yet whoknew when he was licked, and I'm really sorry ror you; but you're bringing it all on yourself." "Cards?" inquired the Kentuckian. "I'll play with these," said ChamLerliu, closing his hand and running over his wal let "Well," said the Kentuckian. "I don't need any myself. Make your bet but be carerul, John, be carerul!" "When you adopt that imbecile tone, Phil," said Chaniberlin,"you do it at the sacrifice or my sympathy. A thousand!" "John," said the Kentuckl'in, looking at bis opponent mournr-illy, "you are the stubbornestnianlntheWestcrnllemlsphere, and you certainly need some or it taken out or you. A thousand more than you!" "Senator," said Chamberlin to Conkling. who had been standing behind the Ken tuckian, "come over here and have a look at this iiand or mine, and add your voice to my warning to our friend across the table.' Conkling obeyed the it-quest ami glanced at Chamberlln's hand. "I'm not in this game, Jdlin," he said ,"and it wouldn't be square Tor me to mako any reu arks." He said afterward that be had to turn to the sideboard and stuff his, handkerchief Into his mouth to keep" rrom roaring. "Oh, very well, then," said Chamberlln. "You perceive, I'hil, tnat I've done my beat Tor you. I am therefore reduced to the necessity of raising you nndthcr thousand," pulling out his check took- and writing a check Tor the amount with a fountain pen. "Handy things, those1 rountain pen," replied the Kentuckian. "Lend me it" He also produced his encck'took and scril blcJ a check, which be thrust Into thecenter of the table with a confident flourish "John," he said. "I shall enjoy your discomfiture lcsn than that or any man or my acquaintance. Hut I certainly am not going to riy in the faccori'rovidcnce by lay ing down a hand like this or anything like it. Thousand more!" Conkling broke Into.V laugh, which he turned ofr Into a congh." 'I never came so rlose to surrocation in my life," he said afterwaid. "' v When there was $1-1,700 in cash r.nd checks In the center or the table the Ken tucklni., whose turn it was to bet, cleared his throat. "Chamlerlin," said he solemnly, "this thing has gone Tar enousli Neither one iif up is a millionaire. I do not propose in dulging your notorious recklessness any fuither. I fee plainly that you are Inst "wild red Indian enough to bet your last blanket and pair or moccasins on that fist Tull of cards, even in thetcHh of mybol.nn assurance that you arc tbe worst thrashed man from hereto Alaska. John. I call yon" Chambcilln spread his hand out on the table before him. Four or the cards were aces and the other one was a king The Kentuckian spread out his hand at the isamo time. It consisted or four kings and an ace Tlie two men gazed at each other across the table with expressions of blank stupe flcntion. They were aroused by a bellow from Conkling that might have been heard over in Lafayette Square. "Senator," said Chamberlln, severely, wheeling around, "what ails you?" "Mr. Conkling, sub," s-ald the Kentuck ian, we would be pleased, sub, if you would be good enough to explain what pleases you, sub." Conkling took a firm grip at his sides j.nd arter a rew gasps and suppressed shrieks, got tbe handling of himself. "I nccrsaw a duel with blank cartrfdg. .s," he controlled himself long enough to say, "but, after all, I think the tragic earnest ness of two men engaged in playing a game or pinochle deck or cards is quite as humor ous'." and he fell into another spasm or laughter. Chamberlln and the Kentuckian gazed at each other with bheepish grins Tor a min ute and then tore up their checks and split the pot. Chamberlinalwaysmaintalne.ltbat it was the most grievous disappointment or his lire, not on account of the money, but on account of the riddling or what lie thought such an air-tight cinch New Yoik Sun. All of Him. He evidently was rrom the rural dis tricts, and, theierore, his uneasiness upon what presumably was his first visit to a photographer could easily be overlooked. At last, when he was summoned to the operating room and caught a whiff or chemicals rrom the "dark-room," he hesi tated on the threshold, hair suspiciously. "Comein;comerightlii,('',saId the camera man, reassuringly. "rJo'you want a vig nette?" "N-no, I guess not," replied the old man, "I guess I can stand it Vithout taking any thing." ' "'" "Would you like a photograph of your head only? Or would Vou prerer one half length, or full length?" Irlq'uired the pho tographer. 5 "Weil, now.I'H tell you how itis, mister," remarked the old grange confidentially. "This picter is for a cfridiler in Nebraska who's been writin 'to me cdnsldcrableabout gettin' spliced. I rekori she'd ruther have a picter of my Vh'ole system if it don't make any difference to you." It didn't Chicago Times-Herald. What Our Boys Learu at College. The grave and reverend seniors of au Arkansas college have adopted this beau tiful little college yell: -Boom-a-lacka, boom-a-lacka, Bow, wow, wow, Ching-a-lacka, ching-a-lacka, Chow, chow, chow. Bootn-a-)acka, ching-aMacka, Who are wc? Who's from Ouachita?" "We, we, we. Whoo ra, whbo-ro, ' Dipla, dlploo, Ri, si, ki, hi, Hot, cold, -wet or dry, -' Get there Ell, J Ouachita fly, hlgh Chicago Times Herald. '5 The Strange Story of the Ameri can, Granger. A MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT How One Pluunible Lunatic Fooled u Shlp'M Company Into n Luug anil TJmIcm Voyage After -Mytt-leul Trenmire A Suicide ut Lut. We were lying at Singapore in the brig Albatross, waiting to take on a Jew tons of freight ror Liverpool, when au American named James Granger came aboard- He was a man in tiie prime of life, tall, stout, and handsome, and lie had a personal magnetism beyond any man 1 ever met His business was with tlie captaiu at lirst, and he bad a singular story "Ut tell lie was a. Now York ship-owner, he said, and had taken a trip to China and Japan in one of his" own vessels, a brig called the Bed King, for the benefit of his health. She had been cast away several months before in the China Sea, and all handslost save himself He managed to reach a small island, and, after two weeks, wab taken off by a natie craft and trans ferred to an Knglish merchantman A part of the island was sterile and rocky, and amidst the rocks he one day found a robber's cave There were, he contended, thousand? of yards of silk and other valu able fabrics, boxes of pearls, chesia of Jewelry and kegs of coin- He had counted out $200,000 In gold without counting it all, and he roughly estimated his Hud to be worth $1,000,000. He was sure that the stuff had been bidden away for long years, and he discovered that portions bad been taken from esels which had mys teriously disappeared in the China frua years before- It was the cave of a band of Chinese pirates, and the entire band had been lostor captured at sea- He had with him, two pearls, a diamond ring and several gold coins as proof of his state ments. What Granger wanted was to charter a ship to fetch away the treasure, and he had l,oarded us because he bad heard that we were to discharge cargo at Slgnapore and reload for Bombay. He talked with our captain for two hours, and then the chief mate was called into the cabin. The btory wan all gone over again, and then I was called down. Noman could tella more plausible story, nor could anyone have de manded better proofs. The only weak point was that he was no mariner and could not locate the island. That is, we knew there was no such island as. he described within 200 miles of the spot,wbeie he insisted it was. Had our captain been free to charter I think lie v. ould have taken chances. Had the chief officer not been Impatient to get home and marry and take command of a bhip I am sutc he would have been ready to tall a craft to the island As neither would go (5 ranger turned to me. If our captain would release me I was free to go, and as I understood navigation he need have no rear that I would hit the spotaimed Tor. Sailors hear a good many yarns about buried treasure and pirates caves and I was not ready to giveau answer off-hand. Iagreed to let Granger have my decision next day, and he went away after swearing us all to silence Then the thiee of us went over his story in detail to try and satisfy our selves. The result was that the captain said: "Well, it is the stralghtebt story T ever heard from a castaway", and If you want to go with him I'll release you. If you get the treasure you can quit the sea; if not you will not have lost so very much." Next day I gave Granger my decision and went ashore with him. I found that he had plenty of money and was In good standing with business men. He went to more pains than 1 demanded to prove his identity, and he insisted in a written con tract that I was to have a generous share of the treasure. In thecouiseof a week I got hold of a schooner whichwas for chaiter and ten days later had fitted her out ror the voyage. 1 saw Mr Granger twx or three tnncsaday duiingtblstimeandgrew toie spect him very much. He seemed to me to be a very thorough business man, and was well spoken of by all. It was given out thatour object was to Ecarch for other survivors who might have escaped, and as there happened to be a ELrplub of seamen at Singapore just then I had no trouble In securing a crew of fiist-class men all English-speaking. We cleared for a joit in Japan, and got away with a fair wind, and duringthe two weeksittook us to work up to the locality of Gianger's Island all went well with us. He had located the Island as being about fifty miles to the east of the island of Hainan. My chart showed a clear sea for 3C0 miles In every direction, but in those days uncharted islands were bemgieported every month, and it was possible that the bit of land on which he had spent a month had been missed In the surveys. I was not at all disappointed, however, when we failed to find it. We overhauled Junk after junk to betoldthatno such island had ever been heard of, and when at last I-sat down with Mr. Granger to learn what w"e should do it struck me for the first time that there was somethiug queer aLout him. He did not betray the disappointment one would have expected, and I thought he glanced at me in a fin tivc. cunning way. I asked him to go over his story again, and to my astonishment he doubled on himself. He had said in the fitst place that his brig was bound to Japan when lost. He now declared that she was homeward bound. He got his days and dates mixed up, and if I hadn't concluded that he was under the influence or liquor I sl.ould have thought him crazy. As near as I could figuicout rrom the statements he made the "I'ed King" was between the capes of Sia:n and the Philippine Islands when caught in the typhoon and driven to the eastward. The'I'hilippines are counted by the hun dred, large and small, and it would not have been at all strange had lie landed on one of the westernmost. He agreed with me in my deductions, and tbe schooner was put about and ran to the south for tluec days. When we finally got among the Islands the difficulty was in locating the right one. Granger had been swept ashore at night. He had landed on one side of the island and been taken off on another. He claimed to remember certain laudmarks, however, and for ten days we thread", our way among the islands, and he took a long and close look at each one. His queer demeanor passed away soon after our talk, and I found myself fully believ ing in him again. No man could have heard his story and doubted It. He went into each minute particular, and you felt certain he had passed through all he claim ed, and back of all were the souvenirs he had brought away with hl:n. It might have been on the twelfth day of our search that we ca iij to his island, and the finding of it gave rne a queer feeling. There were no such landmarks as he described, nor was the lay of the ground according to his de scription. It was a totally difrerent Island in size and appearance, but he Stout ly Insisted that it was the one he had come m search of. We carried deep water to within half a mile of the beach, and then the schooner was anchored "and we pulled ahsoreln the yawl. This was Jintafcer noon oa a certain Wednesday. There would be plenty of time to overhaul the island and II get the more valuable stuff aboard before dark. The schooner was snugged down and three men left aboard, and It was only when the boat was ready to set us ashore that I told the crew the nature of our errand. We had come to carry away a great treasure, Instead of looking for cast away sailors, and Mr. Granger authorized me to say that each man mignt look for a handsome present in gold coin when the plunder was safe aboard. This put every body in good spirits, and Granger's de meanor was such that I had no doubt of beholding and handling those boxes and kegs within an hour. 'We landed on a sandy beach, and Granger headed Into the forest without hesitation. After walking for half an hour he began to recognize certain landmarks and said the treasure was not far off. Justat that mo- I meat we entered a well-beaten path and baw two or three goats He had never said a word about their being goats on tbe Island, hui I did not give it more thun a passing wonder. He cried out that some tliInghadwoikedintohisshoe,andforusto keep right oa till we reached the rocks, and he sat dowa and began unlacing his shoe we went ahead along the path. We found no rock. We found other paths and eaw other goats, and by and by wc had crossed the little island and stood on the beach. Granger had not yet Joined u., and after waiting fifceen'mlnutes I sent one 'of tlie men back. He had not only gene to the spot where we left the maa sitting, but as far as the beach, and reported the yawl gone. Allmy suspicions were now aroused, and the crowd of us &carted into a run as we headed back. We readied the beach to fbid the yawl gone, but the next moment we bignted her alongside the anchored schooner. As we were about to bail the craft we saw Granger and the two men descend into the boat and shove off for the beach His going aboard alone was a matter to wonder over, hut I was thinking he might haveaplauslbleexplanation when the boat touched at a wooded point run ning out below us and the two men got out We could plainly see and hear that they were forced out at the muzzle of a revolver. As soon as they were clear of tbe boat Granger threw an oar over and began scull ing her back to tlie schooner, and all our shouts brought no response from him. No man but a sailor could have ued that sculling oar as he did, and one and all re marked it. What sort of a trick was he playing us? Each man asked tils question of another, but no one could answer. When he had returned to the tchooner alone his pietease was that he had forgotten some thing, but no sooner had he reached thedeek than he ordered the men Into the boat As he was armed and looked dangerous they did not thiuk It was wise to resist. Well, here we were, eight of us, ashore on a small island and an Insane man in possession of an anchored schooner, ami a council lasting an hour did not bring any satisraction. The man bud firearms, and we had only our knives. It would have been no trick at all to swim ort to the schooner but for the sharks. Lcok where you would, you could sec their dorsal tins cutting tbe water, and it would have been rank roily to Bwlm thirty feet from the beach. After awhile we retiied from tl e heach and took a tramp over tbe island We found fresh water and fruits, but no signs that the place had ever been inhab ited by man. The goats numbered fully two hundred, and the original pair bad probably been landed by some wh.der, or had floated ashore from some wreck As the weather was warm, we were not so badly of r, but, of course, we were anx.ous about our position. Granger was certainly insane. He could not run away with tbe schooner, but he might sink her at her moorings or set her on fire He refused to show himself or answer cur hails, s nd when night came I was inclined to believe that he might have committed suicide We made our beds on the grass that night and slept soundly enough, and whi-nmorn-ing came and Granger still refused to answer our halls we began the .vork or building a rart to float us to tbe sohconer This work was carried on around tee point where he had landed the men?and by noon we had knocked together a structure "which would float at least four of us. If this raft weredragged around tie point, the tide would setitdownon the schooner, but we had to wait until 10 ''luck at night to get both darkness ami tide in cur favor. Then I selected thrpe .nen to ac company me, and started off. If Granger were on the watch we were sure to meet with a warm reception, but crouching low on the raft wc drifted down on the schooner's broadside and were not challenged. Five minutes after getting aboard we found him hanging by the neck in the cabin, and the state of the body proved he had been dead for hours- Who was Granger? I discovered that he was not the New York ship-owner by that name. He had been cast on an island, but the "Red King" was not wrecked. He had proofs with him in the shape of pearls and coins, but where was the Island? He had paid a round price to charter the vessel, but sienicti to have no other object in view than to trick us- He had over $5,000 in cash among his effects, and although it was turned over to the authorities of Cape Town, they have never found an heir to it. Wc believed tie had bten a sea captain, but the lists showed no such man foryears past No man could say he was insane, but why did he commit suicide? A 6Core of other questions might be asked, but they would throw no lighton the mybtery 1 sailed the schooner back to the Cape, and made a report of the case, and though twenty years have passed away the real identity of the man has not been estali lished or bis singular conduct accounted for. That he was an American I am sure, and he seemed to know all about N'ew York, but not one of the advertisements regarding him in the American papers ever brought a reply- He simply came and went and left a mystery behind him- CHARLES B- LEWIS. They Treated Hitu Gingerly. The New Yorkers treated Sir Julian Paunce fore very gingerly while he was over there, and did not get tangled up with his prerogatives once.' They had a narrow es cape, however, at the Union League Club reception, where a table with sixteen plate was arranged in the dining room for tbe President aad the most distinguished guests. It was proposed to put Gen. Porter, the president of the club, atone cad, with Presi dent McKlnlcy on his right and Vice Presi dent Hobart on his lert, and Mr. Strong, the mayor of the city, at the other end, with Sir Julian Paunccrote at his right and M Patenotre, the French ambassador, on his leit But at the suggestion of a gentleman who knows Sir Julian's peculiarities the committee in charge decided not to take the risk. The long table was given to the ordi nary guests of the club, and the President nnd the ambassadors were seated at small tables that would only hold four each. -Chicago Record. Jhc Road Tlogand 31 r. A.stor. It seems that hogs don't always travel In cable cars, but that they have taken to bicycling, too. Last week four of them were riding along the fine, hard roads of Fcrncliffe, John Jacob Astor'sountry seat, neretorore -Mr. Astor, who is a bicyclist, never has made any objections to the use or his private roads by outsider.-,; but thfs time the four hogs, when they met him riding bis wheel, would not make room for him to pass, and he was forced Into the gutter, narrowly escaping an ugly rail. Now all bicyclists are excluded from Fern cllffe. -New York Press. Limited Consumption. "They say now that a bicycle cures con sumption," "Yes. r can't expect three meals a day until I get mine paid for Detroit Free Press. ONE LION WHO WAS SCARED. The African Kxperienee of u Brit JHh Military Hunter. We were on tbe deck of the steamer Cale donia, nosing our way among the coral reefs of the Red Sea. At dinner our Jolly captain, "Bos'n Bill," as he was affec tior.atil;? called by the old-timers, bail announced that it would betco hot to sleep below and had advised us to keep to the deck. Accordingly a hugesailwas st retched lengthwise of thepromenadedeck, andpre sently the old travelers emeiged, one-by one, from the companion way, dressed In the lightest of pajamas, and tettlcd them? selves in the long manlla couches which arc used for deck chairs in tbe tioplcs. The conversation presently turned to the sub ject or shooting big game. This is always the way. Start an Angle-Indian of the military persuasion in a discussion of the Ten Commandants, and he will drift on to "big game" as inevitably as water flows down bill 1 was tailing intoa doze, lulled by the nch, mellow monotone of tho English voices alout me, wben 1 wat awak ened by a lemark of the geneial. "Oh, a lion Isnotliingbuta big, wildpuHsy cat, arter all. He will light if 1 els hungry or attac ked, but be is by nomeans i natural fighter, like a tlper o? a jilzily" "Oh, come, now, general," objected a voice. "IT is so," insisted the first speaker. "I'll never forget my first lion; but I've never been really afraid or oat sjce. It, was when 1 wa a junior lieutenant. We had been having some pretty stiff f work in India, and when things settled down a party of us applied f-r lea veof ab sence to go over to Africa Hon shooting. We got it and came down here to Aden, ' then cro'sed over to the African const in ' an Arab dhow, made up oar party t" guides, beaters, carriers and so on, and started for a point n the foothill--, where our guides assured us the lions wei e thicker than dogs in Constantinorle We had been out three or four days when we pitched camp near a small mer, which tiie guides said was in the center of the lion district. We were all youngsters, and none of us had ever seen a lion outside the zoo, so each one was naturally anxious to get the llrst glimpse of the so-called 'Monarch of the forest.' "Buring the afternoon I bad bten ex ploring tbe banks of tbe stream, and had discovered a rocky pool of considerable size about hair a mile above the camji. Along tbe edge of the evening I ai.nounLLd my'in tention of walking up therefor a, batlL The guides tried to dissuade me, and told thrilling tales of being attacked by lions and the like, but the beegars bate tbe very Idea of a bath. So I raid no attention to them, and, with my rifleover my shoulder, trudged off to tbe pool. I disrobed on tbe bank and plunged Into the stream. Tbe water was glorious, and I cnjoyil floun dering about in 1 1 to the full. "There was a dump of big bowlders just in tbe center or tbe tool, and I swam over to tbein and sat 'down on a small rock to rest, I had remained er fectly quiet for about five minutes, when tbe advance guard of a swarm of black files discovered me, and I looked longingly over at my clothes. Then I nearly tumbled off therosk.for tbere.ciiriously iiosingabout my garments, was a lion, which, to my ex-, cited fancy, made Sir Edwin Lai.dseer'a bronze ones in Trafalgar Square teem mere babies. "I sat very still and held my breath. The beast poked about my garments for' a bit, and then, horror or horrors! he placidly lay down beside them ami pre pared to go to sleep. In the meantime the hlack flies began to arrive and settle on my naked back. I stood it as long as I could, but rinally made up my mind that I would as soon be eaten by a Hon as by riiei:so I suddenly sprangto my rect, waved my arms wildly, and at the top of my voice yelled S-s-c-a-a-t!' "The lion jumped at the same time that I did, gave just one glance at me, and then, with tail erect, and mane bristling, dashed off into the forest. He never iiau.-ed to look back, and I could hear him crashing, through the underbrush for a quarter of a mile, quite as frightened as I had been. I safdown and laughed, then swam oer,put on my clothes, and returned to camp. The next day one or our party shot a lion which tbe guides claimed was the same which 1 hfidseen. Uewas only an ordinary sized Hon; but then I had my clothob on, and he was; dead." The story was received without a mur mur or doubt, and in the discussion which followed 1 fell asleep. If it is true, it certainly reduces the terrors or Hon hunt ing to a minimum. New York Herald. Gen. Thomas nt AVest Point. There was one, Gen. George H. Thomas, who came to West Point after the war, for whom hero worship in no degree abated among the cadets while he visited them at ttie Point. The last namid in this littlo his tory of the quartet of great West Pointers, he came to be idolized as the first of "the , four" by the cadets of 1S65. Gen. Thomas, "the Rock f Chicka mauga," just sauntered into West Point orf the steamer Mary Powell aiNint mid day one sunshiny day in June, of '63. His coming, his arrival was unheralded. A strong, stout-built,' broad-shouldered man, wearing a black slouch hat and a linen duster a long as a tall sentry-box. he strolled otf the boat at the south landing, tarrying a gripsack. He refused to take the 'bus., and, warm, though he was-, he strolled up the steep" hill rrom the south, dock to "the plain" on which the academy barrack-., and other bulldini:snre .situated. An old cavalry officer, he stiede aerosa the arid cavalry plain, rather than tinder .the tree-shaded walk, to Roe's Hotel, look ing about him and down, as well, at the pebbles at Ills feet, as ir he reo-gnized on them some traces of his booe's hoofs when he was a cadet centaur. He walked into the hotel and registered Then ic became known tliatGen. Thomas wa--.at tho Point, and fult-dressed-army otfio-is were soon seen in numbers hurrying to the hotel to be met by a very plain-appearmg aian, with brown whissers, close cioppcd, dressed in a very ordinary suit of gray twtett, AH sorts of military honoi? were showered upon him, from the stirr right-hand salute ot subalterns, the unctuous familiarity nd gcod fellowship of superiors, to the piof fer or a review and parade by the cad.-ts. "Oh, no," remarked the general; "I don't Avant the cadets to come one for rr.e in tills hot weather The boys have had enough tramping around of late, I undeistand. I know they are good soldiers withmitseelng them on parade.'' Is It any wonder that theendetsof lfi52 worshiped "Pap" Thomas, and then and there embalmed his memory in the cadet traditions of the academy. Not only that they overhauled the traditions of theaead-. emy, and raked up this story about him when a cadet: One day his class wastaken out by the mathematical instructor to do a lot of angling that is, with theodclito to survcyand map"out the West Pointreser vation. Cadet Thomas sneaked off from the class while at this work down about Kosciusko's Garden, und returned just about the time the class was returning to barracks. "Where have you been, Mr. Thomas?" said the instructor. "I have been angling, sir," he said, and held up a string of fish to prove it Chicago Timcs-Hrrald. Til c Hen's Prote.it. A lien recently got into the buildingof a bloomer girls golf dub, and, making a nest of two lace pocket handkerchiefs, pro ceeded to set on some golf balls. The righteous mdiguatlon of this maternal und domestic fowl, and the unique method she employed of administering her stinging re proof, ougl t to be handed down to an ad miring ;josterity. New York Press. 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