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THE MORNING TIMES,. SUNDAY, MAY U 1897.
A Collection of Stories Purely
FANCIFUL NOTIONS OF M. QUAD
3Jr. und "Mrs. Bowser and Tlielr
Most Recent Trouble John Chiini
Ijorlln'is Poker Game Ho Knew
the Family The Story of a Brook
' What's all this truck you had Mint up
licre this aftenioonV" asked Mrs. Bowser,
U8 Iter better hair came home to dinner
the oMier evening.
He replied that lie would explain matters
after he had satisfied his appetite; and
when tuey aiose from the table he removed
bin coat, bared ids right arm and said:
"Mis. Bowser, reel this arm. will you?"
"Have you got iheumalifcin?" she asked
as she ran her hand over it.
You hae heard of withered limbs,
ltavcn't you? "Well, my arms and leg-
are going to wither and become of no earthly
use to me unless something is done right
away. I've suspecteJ It for tome time, but
was not suieumil I had a talk with a doe
tor to la j."
"Are you going to take a course of treat
ment?" she asked.
"1 hat's it exactly, and I hope to check
the withering business in the bud. Yes, I
am going right at It this c.ening. Think
what would happen, Mrb. Bowser, if my
legs reruscd to hold me up; if my arum last
their strength so I could no longer leed my
seir." "Where's your medicine?"
"I shall take no medicine. What I want
In this case Ib exercise plenty of exercise.
I am going to put up a performing bar in
the garret and do some performing ac
cording to the doctor's orders."
"Oh, that'b it? I thought it alout time
for you to get another foolish notion into
your head. If you need exercise, why don t
you do some walking get a halt a coidof
woo J andabuck saw buyaspadennd.urn
up some earth in the back yard? If some
man would come along and tell you your
toes were falling off you'd believe him "
"Mrs. Bowser, what do you know of
"And what do you?" she retorted.
"Enough t believe a doctor when he says
my anus are gradually shrinking away
until they will soon be pipe stems, and all
for the want of exercise, lie has told me
what to do. and I'm going to do it. If you
want to shrivel and shrink go ahead, but
I don't piopote to die that way. I shall
put up my performing bar and perform."
She made nofurtherprotest.knowingthat
words would be useless, and Mr. Bowser
cameJ the bundle of stuff to the garret
and began woik. In tie course of half au
hour tie ha-J his bar up, and having removed
ull unnecessary clothing, w as ready to be
gin. Mrs. Bowser came up just then and
inquired what he was going to do. He
leaped up, caught the bar with both bands,
ewung back and forth, and replied:
"You see tlie object, Mrs. Bowser. The
first Idea is to strengthen the muscles of
the arms and that is done by sustaining the
weight or the tody. 1 find that I can sus
tain myself, but a week later I might not
have been able to. You have heard or
Satnpsoi.orcourse. He began on a perform
ing bar like this."
"You'd get more exercise by carrying
the ashes out or the cellar," ehe said, as
che turned away.
"Tint's you, of course," he exclaimed, as
he dropped from tiie bar. "It's enough
that I want to do anything that you should
oppose it. IT you'd wake up some morning
and find me withered up like an old bean
pod you'd rejoice in your heart. You won't
have that satisfaction, however. I al
ready feel better than I have in three
"I'll get the camphor and other things
ready," she called f mm the stairs.
He waited until she had disappeared
and then resumed his swinging. There
wasn't much fun in this, as It made his anus
ache, and tie presently decided that his
legs ought to have a show. He had seen a
leg thrown oer a bar in a gymnasium and
he set out to do it. He got the swing all
right and he lined his leg Just at the right
Instant, but just as he thought he had made
a success of it something fell on the floor
with a jar that shook the house. It was Mr.
Bowser. He had missed the "hang" of it.
For a long minute he lay there looking up
at the celling and trying to make out what
had happened. Then, as things began to
clear up, Mrs Bowser appeared and asked
"Are you trying to break your back to
keep your arms from withering? I thought
the whole house was coming down."
"Woman 'gasped Mr. Bowser as he
e1 owl y sat up, "you hoped I had killed
myspir, but I only lay down to rest. You
can trot right downstairs again and attend
to your household duties."
She disappeared and he took thrceor four
minutes to study it out. He hadn't swung
his boJy hard enough, nd he tried tothrow
his right leg oer Instead of his left. His
back and shoulders ached, but he rose up
with a grimdeteimlnation to succeed or die.
He was in no hurry, however. He went at
It cautiously, and after three or four efforts
he suddenly lifted himself and his leg went
over the bar For tea seconds he was tickled
naif to death as he hung there. Then itoc
currcJ to him that he had got to get his
leg down again or lemaln on the perch all
night. He tried again and again, but he
couldn't do it, and losing his nerve he called
for Mrs. Bowser.
"What are yon trying to do?" she asked
as she came running upstairs.
"To get that leg orr the bar," he shouted.
"But don't you sec that you can't do It
unless you raise your whole body. You are
sagging down like a bag of sand. What did
you want to cet your leg over for?"
'I don't know, but something will have
to be done."
"Better leave It there all night. There
are signs that your spinal column Is wither
ing away and the position may do it good "
"Can't you help lift me up?" he pleaded.
"I don't believe I can hold on heie an
"You'll have to. I'll get the cook and
maybe both of us can boost you up Didn't
I tell you Just now how it would come out?
If somebody should tell you to hang your
self up by the hair or the Jicad to turn your
toes out you'd do It."
She went downs'.airsand left him hanging
od like grim death, his face as red as a beet
and the perspiration trickling down his
neck. She didn't call the cook. She simply
sat down to wait for results. In about
three minutes they came. Mr. Bowser
maintained his grip until his fingers were
numb, and all of a sudden he uttered a yell
and let go. His leg hold sustained him for
a few seconds and then there was another
yell and a crash. He had only threefeetto
fall, but as. he struck on his head and fell
dropped the dishpan and Jumped for the
back yard Five minutes later Mr. Bowser
heard himself asking:
"Where am I and what has happened?"
"You weie right under your performing
bar and you have performed," uchcard Mrs.
"Oh, no. On the contrary you are no
longer In any danger of being withered up.
Take a long whiff of this camphor and He
quiet for a few minutes." h
"What what was 1 trying to do?" he
whispered between his snifrs.
"I think you were trying to 'skin the
cat,' as they call It, but the cat skun you.
Lc5 mo help you downbtatra a nd get you into
Next morning Mr. Bowser got up with a
lop in each shoulder, a limp in either legand
his back humped up; but he was game. When
Mrs. Bowser asked him how he rclt he re
plicJ: "Same as usual. Why?"
"I didn't know but the fall hint you."
"Fall, fall. What fall?"
'Tro'ii y.iur performing bar last night.
Don't you remember?"
"No, ma'am, I-don't,'' he stirriy replied.
"If you will allow yourself to become
bilious and have the nightmare younesd not
bother me with your fantasies. It's my
opinion that you'd better do some per
rormliiK on the gas and coal bills and not
be so recklessin your household expenses."
A NEW ONE ON BILL.
We .were waiting at tins Air Line Junc
tion for the Southern expressfifteen or
twenty passongeis when we saw a man
come running along the country highway
with his hat in his hand. As he rtiow
nearer to us be waved the hat and shouted,
but no one could make him out until he
reacted us. He was a man or fiit years
and very much excited, and he had to wait
tbioe or four minutes before he could say:
"Gentlemen, my son Bill has bioke loose
and will be lierc hi ten minutes!"
"What's the matter with your son Bill?"
asked one or the passengers.
"He's the nwfullcst fignter in all this
SUite!" was the reply. "Ue'b fit and
licked evciytliin' fur 200 miles around,
and fur the last week I've had him tied up
in tie Kirn, 'cause he was achm' to fight
and nobody would fight him. He "was
bustin the lopes when 1 left, and bo'll
clsiw this crowd up as a cow cats cabbage.
Thar' he comes now!"
On the crest or it hill half a mile away
we saw a man wlw was headed our way,
and the passengers asked of the excited
"WUit do you think we had better do
In the case?"
"Git inside and lock the doors!" shouted
the old man, "and mebbe 1 kin coat Bill
not to do you any damage! If I lad a
chunk of raw beef 1 think 1 could git uim
tofollow me back honi-agin. Seeliimcuni!
He's acliin' fur death and destrucksli'in:"
"He isn't foolish or crazy, is he?"
"Not a bit, blr. He's jest a rip-roarir
of a fightei, and if he lights dowu on this
crowd suntbin' awrul will happen. What
you goin' to do?"
"I'm golu' to meet your son Bill," re
plied the man as fie threw orr his coat
and pushed up his blceves.
"But he'll make cat's-meat of you in
two hoots and a holler! Gentlemen, fur
heaven's sake git inside while 1 tee if 1
can coax Bill to spare your lives!"
The passenger leaped off the platform
and went down the icad a few yards to
meet Bill, who was coming on the Jump,
and yelling every time he lifted his feet
from the earth He was a chunky young
man about twenty-five years old, and as
he came up he made stialght for the ikih
benger. "Hold on. Bill don't kill him don't kill
him!" shouted the father, as he niched for
ward, but he was too late. Bill had rushed
at the passenger with his arms going like
flails, and something had sholoutandland
ed on his Jaw and Inid him on his liaek.
He did not get up for ten minutes. He lay
so quiet that some thought him dead, but
after a dash of water in his face he opened
his oyes and sat up, and the father queried
of the passenger:
"MKer, what did you do to my son
"I landed on his Jaw," was the reply.
"And Is he a licked man?"
"He is. He is sighing to go home to
"Yes, he looks like it. Say, Bill, the
airth has tipped up and you ai' a licked
rip-roarer. Let's go home to ma."
And Bill slowly got up, looked around
as if he had lost something, and lean
ed heavily on his father's shoulder while
the pair walked down the dusty highway
and never looked back.
THE BATTLE OP CHICAMAUGA.
I stopped at the rami house on the battle
field or Chickamauga and asked the old
farmer sitting on the door step if he lived
theie when the battle was rought and
could give me any particulars about it.
"Yes, sah lived right yens" he replied
as he stood up, "and I shall neverrorgitthat
Tout. When I got up in the mawnin' and
went oat to milk I teen about a million
Yankee soldiers around."
"Thar' was To' million of 'em, Samuel,'
corrected his wife, as she came around the
corner of the house.
"Yes, fo' million, sah, and they had
guns and swords and was powerful mad
about sunthln'. 1 wab Iookin' around fur
the cow when a monstrously powerful
gmeral rode up to me and axed ir they
mgiht uevafouton iny land. I told hi ml 'dice
the ole woman and let him know."
"And I said I leckon they mought, ir
they'd be keerfulor the garden sass and not
let the pigs out," added the woman.
"Yes, that's what you said," contin
ued the husband, "and when I went out to
Teed the hawgs I told the gineral so. He
seemed powerfully pleaed about it, and
said he wouldn't forgit my kindness. I was
feediu' the cair when .another monstrously
powerful gineral rode up and wanted to
know IT he could git tome bieakfast. I
toll him I'd see the ole woman and let him
"And I said he could, It he paid Tur
it," put in the wife.
"Yes, that's exactly what you said,
Hanner, and I went out and told him so. He
smiled and bowed and made his boss
prance around, and binieby he cum In. He
ate siv 'taters, three slices or fried pork
and a monstious sight of bread and butter.
I axed him if he was mad at the Confeds,
an J he said he was I axed lilm why, and he
said he'd dun foigot, but was mad alloAe:
Jest the same and was bound to give 'em
down thekentry. I told him it wasugin the
Bible to right.''
"So did I," added the wire.
"Yes, I lemember you tolJ him so, and lie
didn't deny it. He was Jest goin' to pny
rur his breakrastwhen another monstrously
powerful gineral rode up and axes fur me
and wants to know if he kin hev a Tout on
my land. He was a Confed, and he was,
bustin' mad. I told him I'd see theole wom
an about it and let him know."
"And I says he kin Tout ir he didn't lip
over the rain bar'I or break down the plum
"That's what you said, Hanner, and .'"11
swear to it,and the Yankee was so upsot
that ho went away and didn't pay fur his
breakfast. Then the Conred said he was
hungry, and he ate rive 'taters, fo' slices of
rrleJ porkaud heaps and hcapsof bread and
butter. I axed him what he was inad at,
an J he saidt hem dratted Yanks had stolehis
feather bed. I told him itwas agin the Bible
to four, luit he didn't keer shucks. He was
catln' away when a man steps in and says
the fout was ready to be fittea, and the
monstrously powerful gineral hurries out
and don't pay fur his breakfast."
"But I told yo' to go arter him," said
"Yes, Hanner. you did, and I went
along, but jest then the fout begunv Sakcs
alive, but I never want to see another sich.
time!" . , "
"What did you see?" I asked.
"Why, the awfullest, powerfullest sights
in the woild, Fan. They torejdown the ling
pen, upsot the hen roost, wrecked the
mewl shed and tramped all my garden sass
into ilia nirtli, and ir I hadn't stood r'ght
thar with aclub they'd liev stole alien" soft
soap and hard cider."
"Is that all ? Why, what ar' yo Iookin'
fur, btranger? Mebbe yo'd druther sttmbody
else would tcllyo' about this fout aiimbody
who wasn't yere!"
"Yes. mebbe he'd druther!" added the
wife as I htatted for the gate.
HE KNEW THE FAMILY.
1 hart been told that I could find lodgings
Tor the night at Uncle Taylor's, and was
within a mile or the house when a man
came out of the bushes with a gun on bis
shoulder. 1 asked him if the next house
was Taylor's, and he said it was, and In
turn Inquired if I was going to stop
there. Being answered in theaiiiiniative
"Stranger, J-'rt ride on to he next house
ir 1 was you. I know all about them Tay
lorb." "I was told that they were a nice fam
ily." "Wok you? Wall, I guess the folks didn't
know 'eiii That'sa purtygoodhosou've
got thar. The old man Taylor sorter
decent, about sum things, but if jou stop
thar tonight be '11 git up and steal that boss
afore midnight as suab's yer born. It's in
him to steal a good boss and he can't help
it. Bid ye h'ai anytbin' said about his boy
"Nothing against him."
"Wall, you take my word fur It tl at
he ain't no better'n he orter be. If the
old man was tied up by the heels and
couldn't git out to steal yer boss, .Mm
would do It fur siinh. He's about ready
to skip tlie kentry, and would like a boss
to travel on. Anybody say anytbin' about
bis son Joe?"
"Not to his detriment."
"I don't know nothln' 'bout detriment,"
said the old man, with a puzzled look;
"but I wouldn't trust that boy Joe as
fur as ye could sling a mewl. He don't
keer much fur bosses, but that watch o'
yours would jest fit him, and he'd hev it
if he had to bust yer head. 1 knowed him
to roller a man over twenty miles once
in hopes to git his watch, and it was a
pore watch at that. Did ye know that
Uncle John had a darter?"
"Yes, I heard so."
"Bid ye hear that she wanted to clt
married mighty bad?"
"Wall, she docs, and she'd go fur you the
powerfullest kind. If ye said ye didn't
wauter marry, or bed a wife already,
she'd go inter a tantrum and run yer
outer the house. She run a man over three
miles one night last week. Did them folks
back tnar' mention ole Missus Taylor?"
"Yes: they said she was a fine woman."
"That was powerful kind ,u,' them, but
she's got faults, same as the rest. I've
knowed some awful liars in my time,
but she does beat the hull crowd. And
she's that tired of livlu' out in this kentry
that she'd ax ye to elope with her be
fore you'd bin in the house ten minutes.
I aln'tbraggin'that I'm a square man, but
I don't want to see a stranger taken in and
"l'ou eam'tlive so far away?" I queried
as we walked along together.
"No, not so fur,"
"And why can't I lodge with you to
night?" With me? Why, hain't I Jest bin warnin'
ye all about it? Hain't ye got It through
yer head I'm Uncle John Taylor hisseir.and
that's the way I cum to know so much
about the ram'ly."
"You- you are."
"You bet I ar', and ir I was you I'd
hurry up and git hair a mile ahead. I don't
want to see a stranger taken in and dun
fur, hut if wc travel together fur another
forty rods it'll be Jest like me to hold ye
up fur all ye've got and like 'nurf pop ye
over to boot!"
WATCHING THE FLAMES.
Without, the sighing or the wind, that
mimicked au infant's wailing. Within, the
nicker or theopen fire, that threw grotesque
shadows or therurnlslungs upon the walls or
the library, tolcap and dance and radeand
return, In wavringdiableries, with now and
then a spluttering sound as the names de
voured a bit or pitch, or the rustling or
"Berore the fireplace a man, sitting quite
still in a low, leathern chair, save for a
nervous but noiseless tattoo that tiis ringers
played on its cushioned arm in hardly sup
pressed excitement. He seemed engrossd
in bubtle thought, but in every sense was
keenly alert. A bronze clock stood on the
mantel. Its gold hands marking the midnight
hour yet moments passed and It did not
chime He had stopped it. Its ticking an
noyed htm. Theflame In the grate annoyed
him, too. it seemed so fickle now blazing
light, now dying down to a sullen red.
The flickering name was a symbol or
lire. Lire, an atom or primal rorce, for a
time strangely held in bondage, and for so
short a liiiiemanirest.
The name wasgone. Theashes remained.
Death. Thereleassor theatom. Wheredoes
the atom come Horn? What is the power
that binds It? Whence Uoes'it hasten when
It is freed? Idle questions, all or them.
The click of the latch somewhere in the
house startled him. He sprang to his Teet
and approached the door, straining his ears
There was a muffled rootfall somewhere
in the upper hallway; the soft click or the
latch was repeated, then all was silent.
He lingered a while by the hair open
dooi, then tiptoed back to his seat. Ah,
cms was weary watching.
Yet we are watchers, all of us. Some
watch the future, some the past; Tew men
live wholly In the present. And though
unconsciously, perhaps all of us watch
for lire or Tor death,
He waited long, but the faintly heard
cry was not repeated. What could have
caused It, he wondered.
He crossed the room to the window, drew
back tlie blinds, raised the curtains and
Against the Taint ghostliness or the night
the trees stood out like black giants. The
moon had dropped behind the hill, but the
morning star shone brightly.
There was no sound to warn him, yet a
sudden Impulse compelled him to drop the
curtain and turn toward the hair-open
door. Then he sprang toward It quickly.
"Tell me!" he "demanded, hoarsely.
A woman stoo Jin thedodrway. The.dark
ness concealed the smile she wore.
"It is a boy, sir," she answered.
JOHN CHAMBEHLIN'S TAT HAND.
A Poker Game lu Which Mr. Cock
ling Acted as Umpire.
ir ever .in optimist lived, the late John
Chanibeilln was one; and yet be had to
swim through his hours or disgust the
same as men or lets cheerful temperament.
He often said that the most dismal ex
perience or his lire was a single round or a
two-handed poker game that he played
back In 1878 with a Kentuckian of na
tional fame at that time.
It was after a dinner at Chnmberlin'b
hotel one winter evening. Besides Cham
berlln and the Kentuckian, Roscoe Conk
ling and a member of Hayes' Cabinet bad
helped to make away with tbe dinner.
Arter It had been eaten the Tour adjourned
to Chambeilin's private smoking-room to
enjoy their correcand cigars. They all felt
pretty well, the only natural feeling for
the proper kind or a man after eating his
share or a Chamlerlin dinner. They sat
around Chatnberlln'sfamouslacquered ca-.-l
table (pin chased for him in Japan by Gea.
Grant), yarning and dawdling for a while.
Tbe "Kentuckian, fumbling among tbe re
cesses of tbe card tableTgot libltl or a pack
or cards in a celluloldcrtse, arid, arter lazily
toying with It, sal 1 nc: ' !'
"John, let's play a slngleJjack, Just to
eee how the cards rulft" J
"All tight," replied! Cbrimberlin, "for
what limit-the sky?' '
"That's my gaiheysald the Keiltuck
ian, and both men put up a 'hundred dollar
bill in tliccenter or thetnbls.!They arrange I
that it should be a plain case of jacks or
better to open. The Kentuckian shook" the
cards out of the Oase, shurried them, and, at
a nod from Chain! erlin, dealt the hand
Conkllngand the Cabinet officer stoodlook
Ing on with their hands in thelr.pockets.
Chambcillri picked up his cards one by
one. He was a cool-headed man who had
learned the game of poker at an age when
most boys arc Just mastering bhinny, but
the witnesses afterward declared that his
face certainly flushc J when h3 had gathered
in all or Ids rive caids. But be didn't say
anything until the Kentuckian slowly pick
ed up his cards, and he was probably so
wrought up himseir that he did not observe
his opponent's "supptcssed excitation," as
Conkling put it, In conning the hand.
"I'hll," said Cbambcrlln to (he Kentuck
ian, "I don't wnnt to be-hard on you, but
I'd never have any more luck as long as I
live ir I didn't play this hand as itdeserves
to be played. So I'm going to break It
opca Tor rive hundred," shoving tbe money
into the pot.
"John," replied the Kentuckian, witli
a little tremor in his voice, "I real It my duty
to warn you right now that I've got you
beat on the go in, and I don't want to take
any tinfah advantage or you; but I can't
arforrt to turn a churlish scowl to the
smile or Fortune any more than you can;
and, so, John, it'll cost you a thousand more
to draw caids.'
"Weil," returned Chamberlln with a
sigh, shoving the mbe into the pot, "I
never saw aKcntuckiau yet whoknew when
he was licked, and I'm really sorry ror you;
but you're bringing it all on yourself."
"Cards?" inquired the Kentuckian.
"I'll play with these," said ChamLerliu,
closing his hand and running over his wal
let "Well," said the Kentuckian. "I don't
need any myself. Make your bet but be
carerul, John, be carerul!"
"When you adopt that imbecile tone,
Phil," said Chaniberlin,"you do it at the
sacrifice or my sympathy. A thousand!"
"John," said the Kentuckl'in, looking at
bis opponent mournr-illy, "you are the
and you certainly need some or it taken out
or you. A thousand more than you!"
"Senator," said Chamberlin to Conkling.
who had been standing behind the Ken
tuckian, "come over here and have a look
at this iiand or mine, and add your voice to
my warning to our friend across the table.'
Conkling obeyed the it-quest ami glanced
at Chamberlln's hand. "I'm not in this
game, Jdlin," he said ,"and it wouldn't be
square Tor me to mako any reu arks."
He said afterward that be had to turn to
the sideboard and stuff his, handkerchief
Into his mouth to keep" rrom roaring.
"Oh, very well, then," said Chamberlln.
"You perceive, I'hil, tnat I've done my
beat Tor you. I am therefore reduced to the
necessity of raising you nndthcr thousand,"
pulling out his check took- and writing a
check Tor the amount with a fountain pen.
"Handy things, those1 rountain pen,"
replied the Kentuckian. "Lend me it"
He also produced his encck'took and scril
blcJ a check, which be thrust Into thecenter
of the table with a confident flourish
"John," he said. "I shall enjoy your
discomfiture lcsn than that or any man or
my acquaintance. Hut I certainly am not
going to riy in the faccori'rovidcnce by lay
ing down a hand like this or anything
like it. Thousand more!"
Conkling broke Into.V laugh, which he
turned ofr Into a congh." 'I never came
so rlose to surrocation in my life," he said
afterwaid. "' v
When there was $1-1,700 in cash r.nd
checks In the center or the table the Ken
tucklni., whose turn it was to bet, cleared
"Chamlerlin," said he solemnly, "this
thing has gone Tar enousli Neither one iif
up is a millionaire. I do not propose in
dulging your notorious recklessness any
fuither. I fee plainly that you are Inst
"wild red Indian enough to bet your last
blanket and pair or moccasins on that fist
Tull of cards, even in thetcHh of mybol.nn
assurance that you arc tbe worst thrashed
man from hereto Alaska. John. I call yon"
Chambcilln spread his hand out on the
table before him. Four or the cards were
aces and the other one was a king The
Kentuckian spread out his hand at the isamo
time. It consisted or four kings and an ace
Tlie two men gazed at each other across
the table with expressions of blank stupe
flcntion. They were aroused by a bellow
from Conkling that might have been heard
over in Lafayette Square.
"Senator," said Chamberlln, severely,
wheeling around, "what ails you?"
"Mr. Conkling, sub," s-ald the Kentuck
ian, we would be pleased, sub, if you would
be good enough to explain what pleases
Conkling took a firm grip at his sides j.nd
arter a rew gasps and suppressed shrieks,
got tbe handling of himself.
"I nccrsaw a duel with blank cartrfdg. .s,"
he controlled himself long enough to say,
"but, after all, I think the tragic earnest
ness of two men engaged in playing a game
or pinochle deck or cards is quite as humor
ous'." and he fell into another spasm or
Chamberlln and the Kentuckian gazed at
each other with bheepish grins Tor a min
ute and then tore up their checks and split
the pot. Chamberlinalwaysmaintalne.ltbat
it was the most grievous disappointment or
his lire, not on account of the money, but
on account of the riddling or what lie
thought such an air-tight cinch New Yoik
All of Him.
He evidently was rrom the rural dis
tricts, and, theierore, his uneasiness upon
what presumably was his first visit to a
photographer could easily be overlooked.
At last, when he was summoned to the
operating room and caught a whiff or
chemicals rrom the "dark-room," he hesi
tated on the threshold, hair suspiciously.
"Comein;comerightlii,('',saId the camera
man, reassuringly. "rJo'you want a vig
nette?" "N-no, I guess not," replied the old man,
"I guess I can stand it Vithout taking any
thing." ' "'"
"Would you like a photograph of your
head only? Or would Vou prerer one half
length, or full length?" Irlq'uired the pho
"Weil, now.I'H tell you how itis, mister,"
remarked the old grange confidentially.
"This picter is for a cfridiler in Nebraska
who's been writin 'to me cdnsldcrableabout
gettin' spliced. I rekori she'd ruther
have a picter of my Vh'ole system if it
don't make any difference to you."
It didn't Chicago Times-Herald.
What Our Boys Learu at College.
The grave and reverend seniors of au
Arkansas college have adopted this beau
tiful little college yell:
Bow, wow, wow,
Chow, chow, chow.
Who are wc?
Who's from Ouachita?"
"We, we, we.
Whoo ra, whbo-ro, '
Ri, si, ki, hi,
Hot, cold, -wet or dry, -'
Get there Ell, J
Ouachita fly, hlgh
Chicago Times Herald.
The Strange Story of the Ameri
A MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT
How One Pluunible Lunatic Fooled
u Shlp'M Company Into n Luug
anil TJmIcm Voyage After -Mytt-leul
Trenmire A Suicide ut
We were lying at Singapore in the brig
Albatross, waiting to take on a Jew tons
of freight ror Liverpool, when au American
named James Granger came aboard- He
was a man in tiie prime of life, tall, stout,
and handsome, and lie had a personal
magnetism beyond any man 1 ever met
His business was with tlie captaiu at lirst,
and he bad a singular story "Ut tell lie
was a. Now York ship-owner, he said, and
had taken a trip to China and Japan in
one of his" own vessels, a brig called the
Bed King, for the benefit of his health.
She had been cast away several months
before in the China Sea, and all handslost
save himself He managed to reach a
small island, and, after two weeks, wab
taken off by a natie craft and trans
ferred to an Knglish merchantman A
part of the island was sterile and rocky,
and amidst the rocks he one day found a
robber's cave There were, he contended,
thousand? of yards of silk and other valu
able fabrics, boxes of pearls, chesia of
Jewelry and kegs of coin- He had counted
out $200,000 In gold without counting it
all, and he roughly estimated his Hud to
be worth $1,000,000. He was sure that
the stuff had been bidden away for long
years, and he discovered that portions bad
been taken from esels which had mys
teriously disappeared in the China frua
years before- It was the cave of a band
of Chinese pirates, and the entire band
had been lostor captured at sea- He had
with him, two pearls, a diamond ring and
several gold coins as proof of his state
ments. What Granger wanted was to charter a
ship to fetch away the treasure, and he had
l,oarded us because he bad heard that we
were to discharge cargo at Slgnapore and
reload for Bombay. He talked with our
captain for two hours, and then the chief
mate was called into the cabin. The
btory wan all gone over again, and then I
was called down. Noman could tella more
plausible story, nor could anyone have de
manded better proofs. The only weak point
was that he was no mariner and could not
locate the island. That is, we knew there
was no such island as. he described within
200 miles of the spot,wbeie he insisted it
was. Had our captain been free to charter
I think lie v. ould have taken chances. Had
the chief officer not been Impatient to get
home and marry and take command of a
bhip I am sutc he would have been ready
to tall a craft to the island As neither
would go (5 ranger turned to me. If our
captain would release me I was free to go,
and as I understood navigation he need have
no rear that I would hit the spotaimed Tor.
Sailors hear a good many yarns about buried
treasure and pirates caves and I was not
ready to giveau answer off-hand. Iagreed
to let Granger have my decision next day,
and he went away after swearing us all
to silence Then the thiee of us went over
his story in detail to try and satisfy our
selves. The result was that the captain
"Well, it is the stralghtebt story T ever
heard from a castaway", and If you want
to go with him I'll release you. If you
get the treasure you can quit the sea; if
not you will not have lost so very much."
Next day I gave Granger my decision
and went ashore with him. I found that
he had plenty of money and was In good
standing with business men. He went to
more pains than 1 demanded to prove his
identity, and he insisted in a written con
tract that I was to have a generous share
of the treasure. In thecouiseof a week I
got hold of a schooner whichwas for chaiter
and ten days later had fitted her out ror the
voyage. 1 saw Mr Granger twx or three
tnncsaday duiingtblstimeandgrew toie
spect him very much. He seemed to me
to be a very thorough business man, and
was well spoken of by all. It was given
out thatour object was to Ecarch for other
survivors who might have escaped, and as
there happened to be a ELrplub of seamen
at Singapore just then I had no trouble
In securing a crew of fiist-class men all
English-speaking. We cleared for a joit
in Japan, and got away with a fair wind,
and duringthe two weeksittook us to work
up to the locality of Gianger's Island all
went well with us. He had located the
Island as being about fifty miles to the
east of the island of Hainan.
My chart showed a clear sea for 3C0
miles In every direction, but in those days
uncharted islands were bemgieported every
month, and it was possible that the bit
of land on which he had spent a month
had been missed In the surveys. I was not
at all disappointed, however, when we
failed to find it. We overhauled Junk
after junk to betoldthatno such island had
ever been heard of, and when at last I-sat
down with Mr. Granger to learn what w"e
should do it struck me for the first time
that there was somethiug queer aLout him.
He did not betray the disappointment one
would have expected, and I thought he
glanced at me in a fin tivc. cunning way.
I asked him to go over his story again, and
to my astonishment he doubled on himself.
He had said in the fitst place that his brig
was bound to Japan when lost. He now
declared that she was homeward bound.
He got his days and dates mixed up, and
if I hadn't concluded that he was under
the influence or liquor I sl.ould have thought
him crazy. As near as I could figuicout
rrom the statements he made the "I'ed
King" was between the capes of Sia:n
and the Philippine Islands when caught
in the typhoon and driven to the eastward.
The'I'hilippines are counted by the hun
dred, large and small, and it would not
have been at all strange had lie landed on
one of the westernmost. He agreed with
me in my deductions, and tbe schooner was
put about and ran to the south for tluec
When we finally got among the Islands
the difficulty was in locating the right
one. Granger had been swept ashore at
night. He had landed on one side of the
island and been taken off on another.
He claimed to remember certain laudmarks,
however, and for ten days we thread", our
way among the islands, and he took a
long and close look at each one. His
queer demeanor passed away soon after
our talk, and I found myself fully believ
ing in him again. No man could have
heard his story and doubted It. He went
into each minute particular, and you felt
certain he had passed through all he claim
ed, and back of all were the souvenirs he
had brought away with hl:n. It might have
been on the twelfth day of our search
that we ca iij to his island, and the finding
of it gave rne a queer feeling. There were
no such landmarks as he described, nor was
the lay of the ground according to his de
scription. It was a totally difrerent
Island in size and appearance, but he Stout
ly Insisted that it was the one he had come
m search of. We carried deep water to
within half a mile of the beach, and then
the schooner was anchored "and we pulled
ahsoreln the yawl. This was Jintafcer noon
oa a certain Wednesday. There would be
plenty of time to overhaul the island and
get the more valuable stuff aboard before
dark. The schooner was snugged down
and three men left aboard, and It was only
when the boat was ready to set us ashore
that I told the crew the nature of our
errand. We had come to carry away a
great treasure, Instead of looking for cast
away sailors, and Mr. Granger authorized
me to say that each man mignt look for a
handsome present in gold coin when the
plunder was safe aboard. This put every
body in good spirits, and Granger's de
meanor was such that I had no doubt of
beholding and handling those boxes and
kegs within an hour.
'We landed on a sandy beach, and Granger
headed Into the forest without hesitation.
After walking for half an hour he began to
recognize certain landmarks and said the
treasure was not far off. Justat that mo-
I meat we entered a well-beaten path and
baw two or three goats He had never said
a word about their being goats on tbe
Island, hui I did not give it more thun a
passing wonder. He cried out that some
keep right oa till we reached the rocks, and
he sat dowa and began unlacing his shoe
we went ahead along the path. We found
no rock. We found other paths and eaw
other goats, and by and by wc had crossed
the little island and stood on the beach.
Granger had not yet Joined u., and after
waiting fifceen'mlnutes I sent one 'of tlie
men back. He had not only gene to the
spot where we left the maa sitting, but as
far as the beach, and reported the yawl
gone. Allmy suspicions were now aroused,
and the crowd of us &carted into a run as
we headed back. We readied the beach to
fbid the yawl gone, but the next moment
we bignted her alongside the anchored
schooner. As we were about to bail the
craft we saw Granger and the two men
descend into the boat and shove off for
the beach His going aboard alone was a
matter to wonder over, hut I was thinking
he might haveaplauslbleexplanation when
the boat touched at a wooded point run
ning out below us and the two men got out
We could plainly see and hear that they were
forced out at the muzzle of a revolver. As
soon as they were clear of tbe boat
Granger threw an oar over and began scull
ing her back to tlie schooner, and all our
shouts brought no response from him.
No man but a sailor could have ued that
sculling oar as he did, and one and all re
marked it. What sort of a trick was he
playing us? Each man asked tils question
of another, but no one could answer. When
he had returned to the tchooner alone his
pietease was that he had forgotten some
thing, but no sooner had he reached thedeek
than he ordered the men Into the boat As
he was armed and looked dangerous they
did not thiuk It was wise to resist.
Well, here we were, eight of us, ashore
on a small island and an Insane man in
possession of an anchored schooner, ami a
council lasting an hour did not bring any
satisraction. The man bud firearms, and
we had only our knives. It would have
been no trick at all to swim ort to the
schooner but for the sharks. Lcok where
you would, you could sec their dorsal tins
cutting tbe water, and it would have been
rank roily to Bwlm thirty feet from the
beach. After awhile we retiied from tl e
heach and took a tramp over tbe island
We found fresh water and fruits, but no
signs that the place had ever been inhab
ited by man. The goats numbered fully
two hundred, and the original pair bad
probably been landed by some wh.der, or
had floated ashore from some wreck As
the weather was warm, we were not so
badly of r, but, of course, we were anx.ous
about our position. Granger was certainly
insane. He could not run away with tbe
schooner, but he might sink her at her
moorings or set her on fire He refused
to show himself or answer cur hails, s nd
when night came I was inclined to believe
that he might have committed suicide
We made our beds on the grass that night
and slept soundly enough, and whi-nmorn-ing
came and Granger still refused to
answer our halls we began the .vork or
building a rart to float us to tbe sohconer
This work was carried on around tee
point where he had landed the men?and by
noon we had knocked together a structure
"which would float at least four of us.
If this raft weredragged around tie point,
the tide would setitdownon the schooner,
but we had to wait until 10 ''luck at
night to get both darkness ami tide in cur
favor. Then I selected thrpe .nen to ac
company me, and started off.
If Granger were on the watch we were
sure to meet with a warm reception, but
crouching low on the raft wc drifted down
on the schooner's broadside and were not
challenged. Five minutes after getting
aboard we found him hanging by the neck
in the cabin, and the state of the body
proved he had been dead for hours-
Who was Granger? I discovered that
he was not the New York ship-owner
by that name. He had been cast on an
island, but the "Red King" was not
wrecked. He had proofs with him in
the shape of pearls and coins, but where
was the Island? He had paid a round
price to charter the vessel, but sienicti
to have no other object in view than to
trick us- He had over $5,000 in cash
among his effects, and although it was
turned over to the authorities of Cape
Town, they have never found an heir to it.
Wc believed tie had bten a sea captain,
but the lists showed no such man foryears
past No man could say he was insane,
but why did he commit suicide? A 6Core
of other questions might be asked, but
they would throw no lighton the mybtery
1 sailed the schooner back to the Cape, and
made a report of the case, and though
twenty years have passed away the real
identity of the man has not been estali
lished or bis singular conduct accounted
for. That he was an American I am sure,
and he seemed to know all about N'ew
York, but not one of the advertisements
regarding him in the American papers
ever brought a reply- He simply came and
went and left a mystery behind him-
CHARLES B- LEWIS.
They Treated Hitu Gingerly.
The New Yorkers treated Sir Julian
Paunce fore very gingerly while he was over
there, and did not get tangled up with his
prerogatives once.' They had a narrow es
cape, however, at the Union League Club
reception, where a table with sixteen plate
was arranged in the dining room for tbe
President aad the most distinguished guests.
It was proposed to put Gen. Porter, the
president of the club, atone cad, with Presi
dent McKlnlcy on his right and Vice Presi
dent Hobart on his lert, and Mr. Strong,
the mayor of the city, at the other end, with
Sir Julian Paunccrote at his right and M
Patenotre, the French ambassador, on his
leit But at the suggestion of a gentleman
who knows Sir Julian's peculiarities the
committee in charge decided not to take the
risk. The long table was given to the ordi
nary guests of the club, and the President
nnd the ambassadors were seated at small
tables that would only hold four each. -Chicago
Jhc Road Tlogand 31 r. A.stor.
It seems that hogs don't always travel In
cable cars, but that they have taken to
bicycling, too. Last week four of them
were riding along the fine, hard roads of
Fcrncliffe, John Jacob Astor'sountry seat,
neretorore -Mr. Astor, who is a bicyclist,
never has made any objections to the use
or his private roads by outsider.-,; but thfs
time the four hogs, when they met him
riding bis wheel, would not make room
for him to pass, and he was forced Into
the gutter, narrowly escaping an ugly rail.
Now all bicyclists are excluded from Fern
cllffe. -New York Press.
"They say now that a bicycle cures con
sumption," "Yes. r can't expect three
meals a day until I get mine paid for
Detroit Free Press.
ONE LION WHO WAS SCARED.
The African Kxperienee of u Brit
JHh Military Hunter.
We were on tbe deck of the steamer Cale
donia, nosing our way among the coral
reefs of the Red Sea. At dinner our Jolly
captain, "Bos'n Bill," as he was affec
tior.atil;? called by the old-timers, bail
announced that it would betco hot to sleep
below and had advised us to keep to the
deck. Accordingly a hugesailwas st retched
lengthwise of thepromenadedeck, andpre
sently the old travelers emeiged, one-by
one, from the companion way, dressed In
the lightest of pajamas, and tettlcd them?
selves in the long manlla couches which arc
used for deck chairs in tbe tioplcs. The
conversation presently turned to the sub
ject or shooting big game. This is always
the way. Start an Angle-Indian of the
military persuasion in a discussion of
the Ten Commandants, and he will drift
on to "big game" as inevitably as water
flows down bill 1 was tailing intoa doze,
lulled by the nch, mellow monotone of tho
English voices alout me, wben 1 wat awak
ened by a lemark of the geneial.
"Oh, a lion Isnotliingbuta big, wildpuHsy
cat, arter all. He will light if 1 els hungry
or attac ked, but be is by nomeans i natural
fighter, like a tlper o? a jilzily"
"Oh, come, now, general," objected
"IT is so," insisted the first speaker.
"I'll never forget my first lion; but I've
never been really afraid or oat sjce. It,
was when 1 wa a junior lieutenant.
We had been having some pretty stiff f
work in India, and when things settled
down a party of us applied f-r lea veof ab
sence to go over to Africa Hon shooting.
We got it and came down here to Aden, '
then cro'sed over to the African const in '
an Arab dhow, made up oar party t"
guides, beaters, carriers and so on, and
started for a point n the foothill--, where
our guides assured us the lions wei e thicker
than dogs in Constantinorle We had been
out three or four days when we pitched
camp near a small mer, which tiie guides
said was in the center of the lion district.
We were all youngsters, and none of us had
ever seen a lion outside the zoo, so each
one was naturally anxious to get the llrst
glimpse of the so-called 'Monarch of the
"Buring the afternoon I bad bten ex
ploring tbe banks of tbe stream, and had
discovered a rocky pool of considerable size
about hair a mile above the camji. Along
tbe edge of the evening I ai.nounLLd my'in
tention of walking up therefor a, batlL The
guides tried to dissuade me, and told
thrilling tales of being attacked by lions
and the like, but the beegars bate tbe very
Idea of a bath. So I raid no attention to
them, and, with my rifleover my shoulder,
trudged off to tbe pool. I disrobed on tbe
bank and plunged Into the stream. Tbe
water was glorious, and I cnjoyil floun
dering about in 1 1 to the full.
"There was a dump of big bowlders
just in tbe center or tbe tool, and I
swam over to tbein and sat 'down on a
small rock to rest, I had remained er
fectly quiet for about five minutes, when
tbe advance guard of a swarm of black
files discovered me, and I looked longingly
over at my clothes. Then I nearly tumbled
off therosk.for tbere.ciiriously iiosingabout
my garments, was a lion, which, to my ex-,
cited fancy, made Sir Edwin Lai.dseer'a
bronze ones in Trafalgar Square teem mere
"I sat very still and held my breath.
The beast poked about my garments for'
a bit, and then, horror or horrors! he
placidly lay down beside them ami pre
pared to go to sleep. In the meantime the
hlack flies began to arrive and settle on
my naked back. I stood it as long as I
could, but rinally made up my mind that I
would as soon be eaten by a Hon as by
riiei:so I suddenly sprangto my rect, waved
my arms wildly, and at the top of my voice
"The lion jumped at the same time that I
did, gave just one glance at me, and then,
with tail erect, and mane bristling, dashed
off into the forest. He never iiau.-ed to
look back, and I could hear him crashing,
through the underbrush for a quarter of a
mile, quite as frightened as I had been. I
safdown and laughed, then swam oer,put
on my clothes, and returned to camp. The
next day one or our party shot a lion
which tbe guides claimed was the same
which 1 hfidseen. Uewas only an ordinary
sized Hon; but then I had my clothob on,
and he was; dead."
The story was received without a mur
mur or doubt, and in the discussion which
followed 1 fell asleep. If it is true, it
certainly reduces the terrors or Hon hunt
ing to a minimum. New York Herald.
Gen. Thomas nt AVest Point.
There was one, Gen. George H. Thomas,
who came to West Point after the war, for
whom hero worship in no degree abated
among the cadets while he visited them at
ttie Point. The last namid in this littlo his
tory of the quartet of great West Pointers,
he came to be idolized as the first of "the ,
four" by the cadets of 1S65.
Gen. Thomas, "the Rock f Chicka
mauga," just sauntered into West Point
orf the steamer Mary Powell aiNint mid
day one sunshiny day in June, of '63.
His coming, his arrival was unheralded. A
strong, stout-built,' broad-shouldered man,
wearing a black slouch hat and a linen
duster a long as a tall sentry-box. he
strolled otf the boat at the south landing,
tarrying a gripsack. He refused to take
the 'bus., and, warm, though he was-, he
strolled up the steep" hill rrom the south,
dock to "the plain" on which the academy
barrack-., and other bulldini:snre .situated.
An old cavalry officer, he stiede aerosa
the arid cavalry plain, rather than tinder
.the tree-shaded walk, to Roe's Hotel, look
ing about him and down, as well, at the
pebbles at Ills feet, as ir he reo-gnized on
them some traces of his booe's hoofs
when he was a cadet centaur. He walked
into the hotel and registered Then ic
became known tliatGen. Thomas wa--.at tho
Point, and fult-dressed-army otfio-is were
soon seen in numbers hurrying to the hotel
to be met by a very plain-appearmg aian,
with brown whissers, close cioppcd, dressed
in a very ordinary suit of gray twtett, AH
sorts of military honoi? were showered
upon him, from the stirr right-hand salute
ot subalterns, the unctuous familiarity nd
gcod fellowship of superiors, to the piof fer
or a review and parade by the cad.-ts.
"Oh, no," remarked the general; "I don't
Avant the cadets to come one for rr.e in tills
hot weather The boys have had enough
tramping around of late, I undeistand. I
know they are good soldiers withmitseelng
them on parade.''
Is It any wonder that theendetsof lfi52
worshiped "Pap" Thomas, and then and
there embalmed his memory in the cadet
traditions of the academy. Not only that
they overhauled the traditions of theaead-.
emy, and raked up this story about him
when a cadet: One day his class wastaken
out by the mathematical instructor to do
a lot of angling that is, with theodclito
to survcyand map"out the West Pointreser
vation. Cadet Thomas sneaked off from
the class while at this work down about
Kosciusko's Garden, und returned just
about the time the class was returning to
"Where have you been, Mr. Thomas?"
said the instructor. "I have been angling,
sir," he said, and held up a string of fish
to prove it Chicago Timcs-Hrrald.
Til c Hen's Prote.it.
A lien recently got into the buildingof a
bloomer girls golf dub, and, making a
nest of two lace pocket handkerchiefs, pro
ceeded to set on some golf balls. The
righteous mdiguatlon of this maternal und
domestic fowl, and the unique method she
employed of administering her stinging re
proof, ougl t to be handed down to an ad
miring ;josterity. New York Press.
55s-rr.T& j&y -s?
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