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Neckties as Railway Signals.
"Red neckties are alway3 worn by
foreign brakemen and conductors.
Ever notice it?" said a railroader.
"No. Why Is It?"
"As a safety device," was the reply.
"Theso red neckties that flash upon
your gaze on the railroads of Italy,
France, Germany and Eng'and are not
a sign that the people have a gay
tasto, but that they are cautious and
"The neckties are supplied free by
thp railroad companies for use as
danger signals in emergency. Thus.
no matter when or where an accident
may happen, there Is no need to
search or scramble for a red flag, but
tho brakeman whips off his rod neck
tie and waves it frantically aloft."
Tho cow was about to jump over
"By tho way," said the cow, "I think
I'll wait a moment."
"What for?" asked the little dog.
"Why, perhaps I can carry a sign
on my back stating that I wear Jum
sem Bouncer's rubber heels."
Which goes to show that the wise
cow was imbued with tho modern
Ideas of progressive advertising.
A New Theory.
In an uptown school tho teacher In
one of tho lower grades endeavored to
Instill a little Information Into her
pupils on the subject of horses and
their gaits, and then asked each of
them to prepare a brief essay embody
lng some of the facts they had Just
leirnrd. One of the boys thereupon
prepared and turned In tho following
"Some horses Is called parotors.
They can run faster 'cause they are
bowlegged." Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Gov. Dale's Small Potatoes.
Ex-Oov. George N. Dale of Island
Pond, Vt., had an account against a
Frenchman named Felix, for whom he
had rendered some legal service. The
account had run a long time. Tellx,
meeting tho governor one day on the
street, dunned himself in tho follow
ing manner: "Meester Guvnor, I owes
you beeg bill. "When I dig mar per
taters nex' fall, bar gar, I pay you."
Late in the fall the governor was
riding lh the neighborhood of Felix'
home, and again met him. Stoprlng
his horso, the governor said, "Felix,
how about the potatles?"
"Bar gar, Guvner, those pertatets
dond turn out so beeg's you 'spected.
bar darn sight."
RELIC OFFERED TO SCOTLAND.
Seal of Robert Burns D queathed by
Its Late i wner.
A curious bequest, which will inter
est all Scotchmen, Is conveyed in tho
will of Mrs. Ti.artha Bur j Thomas, a
gieat granddaughter of Scotland's na
tional bard, Robert Burns, which was
icad recently. The bequest was as
fcilows: "I give tho V efs, Robert
Bums, my great-grandfather's, original
seal, chained In bog oak casket, as ex
hi' Itf d In tho Burns Exhibition, to
he Museum c tho Bums Monument at
Ayr on condition that tho sum of
100 be paid yearly for ten years to
my cousin, Robert Burns Hutchinson,
nf British Columbia, great grandson of
the Poet Burns, as I value the Poet's
3pnt at one thousand pounds, and I
wish to sccuro It for Scotland."
Defines Horse Show.
Dr. Timing, president of tho West
ern Reserve university visited tho re
cent horse show In Now York in com
pany with another educator, one eve
ning, and his friend remarked that it
seemed more of a dress exhibition
than one of of equine excellence. "In
other words," said Dr. Thwlng, "Is is
a clothesline Instead of a horso rein."
WHEN GEN. SCHOFIELD SMILED. IrM
As Secretary of War He Read Reports IJjJ
of His Own Court Martial, nil
Men who were with C n. Schoflcld fflKj
In tho army recalled when they heard Kj I
of his death tho story of how ho was 19 I
dismissed from West Point. Schoflcld 9
was the star man In his class, and in
tho last year was appointed as an in- II
structor of cadets becauso of his pio- jfl
flclcncy In many lines. He was a ffl '
great mathematician, and one day ho fl
propounded tho question to the m '
"If n man on tho equator without H
any clothes on were to climb a polo M
100 feet high, how wide a brim lint !
would ho have to have In order to fl
keep film from getting sunburned?" Lf
A .en tho commandant l.eard of this
frivolous question Schofleld was -re-
ported and dismissed. Ho went to I
Washington and secured a court- S,
martini. Tho trial went against him
and he was formally dismissed. Then j
he used a lot more influenco and was M
reinstated. Ho spent n pleasant after- a
noon when ho was Sccre.ary of War m
reading the official and solemn rec- 9
ords of his joke, his court-martial, his H
dismissal, ard his reinstatement. Bj
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( Fred. Krug Brewing Company Omaha, Nebraska I