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The San Francisco call. (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, June 09, 1901, Image 11

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also Much Strength. With thy Large
Head and thjr Muscular de velojjment
ONCE there lived a Meek Ass.
Yea, verily, for 'umbleness
this Lowly Ass would have
made Uriah Heep seem like unto a
Punched Nickel rolling Uphill on a
JJusty Day. Of- a truth, lie was a Poor
Specimen and his ears hung down
like moth-eaten Babbit Skins, for lie
was Very 'Umble. .
And it came to pass that one day
the Meek Ass said within himself:
"Behold! I will go up into the land
of the Bandar-Log and Learn Some
thing, for, by Bacchus and Gosh! I
know not enough at the | Present
Writing to Scratch when a Flea Bit
eth!".
And as he said, so he did! and he
called upon the Wise Guy of the Ban
dar-Log and knocked his head upon
the ground', saying: - ¦
"0 wisest of Monkeys, canst kriock
a Little Sense into my CrustP For I
em a Fool and a Great Coward!" and
he Pawed Dust upon his Head and
was Very 'Umble.
Now it was so that the Monkey
tribe lived in Villages and their
Houses /were Most Swell. , j
And the Wise Guy of the Bandar-
Log labored long and diligently with
the Dull Ass, for he was a Kind-
Hearted old Gazabe and he saw not
into the Future.
. At last the Ass was ready to re
ceive his Diploma. ,
' "Thou art now a Wise Gazip,"
e aid the Old Monk, "and thou hast
"Yea, verily!" said the Old Monk.
"Thou art the> Heal/ Thing."
"Hooray!" and with the first
transport of his Joy the Ass flung up
his heels, kicking' his Instructor
through the skylight; also he per
formed divers and Many Weird
Dances among the Bric-a-Brac, and
departed through the French Win
dow. . .
"Hee Haw!" he brayed, "I am
now a Wise Ass!" and he went Forth
into the World to forever give people
a Tired Feeling. ;
. "Alas!" sobb-Jd tha Wise Guy of
the Bandar-Log, as ho surveyed the
l esults of his Labors from the top of
a neighboring Tree, "I wotted not
wh«n I began educating him that an
Educated Ass remaineth even more
of an Ass than he was before!" anil
from that day the Monkey durst not
live upon the ground.
Moral: Educate a Fool or cultivate
a Noxious Weed and thou merely
producest a Banker Growth of Weetl
or Fool.
Another Bunch: Bank not on a
Large j Head— the Big Pumpkin hath
nothing inside of it. ' ¦ -
Third Wallop: Don't try .to place
Brains , where Providence saw < fit to
Locate a Vacuum.
tifou needst never fear to Face the
World.". :
"And am I in Good Sooth a Wise
Guy and a mighty Man of Valor P"
asked the Ass. .
FABLE OF TH E EDUCATED ASS.
THE DOG AND THE REFLECTION.
who showed his teeth Most Insult
ingly in Return.
Now this Greedy Dog was not Born
in the Days of Old Aesop, neither was
he a Fool. However, he Bared his
Teeth again and Showed Fight.
"Stay thou there a Moment,
Friend!" he growled. "I'll be with
thee presently like a Ton of Brick!"
and he trotted swiftly away and hid
his Bone in the Ground.
But when he returned to the Pool —
Behold! the Other Dog was also with
out a Bone!
"Just as I Feared!" said the
Greedy Dog. "The Other Fellow hath
bidden His Bone also!" and he was
Lisappointed.
But the Other Dog looked so dis-
appointed ioo that the Greedy Dog
Laughed Heartily and Wagged his
Tail with Delight.
"Thou Also art a Suspicious Guy!"
he chuckled. "Of a truth, there are s.
Pair of us," and as the Other Fellow
wagged his tail likewise and Looke.l
Triendly, the Mollified Dog Trotted
Away in High Good Humor.
• "I have Missed a Good Fight,"
thought he, "but I. have still my
Bone left — and Who Knoweth. what I
might have come out with had I
plunged in, Bone and All?"
Moral: Before you Speculate, go
bury half your Wad.
Another Moral: Valor is a Good
Thing, but Prudence is its Best
Bower. [
Third Wallop: When thou seekest
a Fight first Ascertain whether thqu
hast more to Lose than thou hast to
Gain. /
"By my Father's Fleas I" quoth the
Greedy Dog, "but that Bone Looket'i
Good to Me!*' so he snarled and
showed his teeth at the Other Dog,
DOG was trotting along a nar
/£=\ row Path carrying a Bcne in
v His Mouth. Crossing a Bridge
over a Deep Stream he saw below him
Another Dog having also a Bone in
his Mouth.
THE STORK AND THE BULLFROG
«™ MELANCHOLY Stork stood
jl \ upon One Leg in the midst of
Jf~v a Pool. , •
Now it was so that this Stork wore
an expression of Confirmed Woe. His
Eyes had p. Far- Away look and there
were Deep Furrows upon his Cheeks;
also his Bill rested upon his Breast
and he was the Picture of Dejection.
**. And there lived in the Pool an Im
pulsive Bullfrog who loved to Sym
pathize . whenever he got an Excuse.
"What ailcth thee, Friend StorkP"
he croaked. "Hath gone Broke on
Belgian Hares, or hath thy Mother
in-Law arrived?" '
But the Stork said No Word,
though, he shook his head Sadly and
a sigh whistled through his Long Bill
like the Sound of a Chinese Flageolet.
. And the Sympathetic Frog was All
Busted Up at the sight of so Much
Grief. ' ,
"Behold!", he Sobbed, "I too have
seen Sorrow i Tell me thy Troubles,
O Friend, and I'll Weep with" thee:'*
and the Big Tears chased eacn* otiier.
down his Cheeks and Flunked into
the Pool. ¦ ; . V
. Now the Stork had not asked for
Sympathy, wherefore it all came like
Money from Home." ; ... .'•.'.¦»'-.¦
"Thou wannest my Heart!" said
he, "and lo! now shall I take thee into
my Confidence!" and he reached for
the Sympathetic Frog.
"Alas!" wailed the jj Deluded Vic
tim, "I have been Taken In by one
with whom I was Sympathizing!"
.-"Thy Sympathy .was Not Needed!"
retorted the Stork, "but I find that it
Eeasoneth - my Repast \ ~i Exceeding
Well!" and he Swallowed Him.
Moral: Sympathy is a Blessed
Thing, but da =iot Sow it Broadcast.
The Q..T.: Never Trust Appear
ances — the Saddest-Looking Man I
ever saw held Four Aces and a
Bumper.
And Verily: It is beat to bottle up
thy Sympathy even though it Bust
Thee.
Copyright, 1901, by A. J. Moore. "•
Mr. A. Esop's Fables Up to Date.
Persian Women at Home.
FOR his women folk's ease the well
to-do Persian has an eminent re
gard. . He is an egoist worth talk-
Ing about. The anderun. standing
it part in the midst of the mud-walled en
closure, to all Intents and purposes is in a
separate house, and usually the most pre
tentious part of the whole homestead. In
most cases it is built around four sides of
a court, in which is manifest all that
skilled gardeners, a highly enriched soil,
and an ideal climate can accomplish in
the way of floral splendor.
One of these areas. Into which I was
privileged to look because at that hour it
was known to be deserted by every living:
soul, was probably seventy-five yards long
and more than half as broad. .
It was a difficult task of Imagination to
people it with the ladles of the house
hold, for the home costume of the Persian,
woman is not such that an American, es
pecially one of the male persuasion, may
conceive of her strolling out Into the rosa
gardens in it to take the air of aii after
noon. It Is made up usually of short
skirts, one or more of them, reaching: to
the knees or thereabouts. Sometimes, for
comfort's sake, bloomers are worn under
these, or, it may be, pantaloons of the
traditional pattern, enormously loose and
coming to the ankles, where they are
gathered tight. Oftener, however, these
encumbrances are dispensed with and the
limbs are left untrammeled. — Harper's
Bazar.
who was shore a white man and was re
g™ette~ plenty. -
"The way Billy Boland makes his play
is calculated not to overlook a single bet.
In co'se we wins, but not In just the way
we played it.. Billy fixes it this way. He
leaves the Kid up on the butte, which no
cat, let alone jio,Injun, is going to climb,
'caufc he can't. Three of us scouts around
to the.Jeft.of the spring and three to the
right. The mesquite is plumb thick there
abouts, and down near the Rio the tornea
would ! hide a cavalry . regiment. I had to
crawl through that tornea and am
scratched more than a million times by
the thorns, but I ain't minding that none
In my joy at gittlng that 'Pache. 1 sees
through Billy's system plenty quick, and
I realizes that we are going to humble up
that Injun till he just dies with shame.
There ain't nothing left open for that In?
jun but the Rio, and we all know that the
quicksand is more than a guard there. We
knows it, and the Injun knows it, and it
don't figure none in our calculation. '.,
"Well, sir, when we had all crawled our
little stint Billy Boland, who picks out the
stand nearest the spring, gives one whoop
that is shore a credit to him. The way
that Injun surges out of that biiing spring
is a caution to cats. He comes out of the
stream with a plunge that makes a pitch
ing broncho discouraged. He gathers in
that gaudy headpiece and his Winchester
all in one grapple, hops over behind his
pony and is organized for war in two
shakes.
"Then I gives another whoop on the
t'other side, and he skirmishes around
thatpony just too quick. At that up rises
the Kid on the butte and shoots a mile
over him, but the effect is plenty goou.
That Injun don't 1-now where he is at. He
"where ; the sun is shining pretty on the
Caballero Mountains. If he's thinking
trouble, he don't let on none. He just sits
there straight, one hand shading his eyes,
the. other 'hanging limp where Billy gits
him in the arm. The yellow old Rio glides
past and sort of chuckles low. The quick
sands are a shaking as if they ""appreci
ated what a joke it is on the Injun. We
all stand on the bank and don't say noth
ing, but wait for the rattle as that "Pache
cashes in his last chip. ' .
"By and by the pony gives. a big strug
gle, a last gurgling snort, and his head
goes under. The rider is- now in mud up
to his waist. We had Pedro Chaves with
us, a shore cruel man. in breaking'a hoss.
and he sort of turns loose a few jeers in
greaser talk. , '
" 'Shut 'up, Mexico!' snaps Billy. "That's
no Siwash. • Don't you see he's' clean
strain? Let him alone, or I'll chuck you
in after him!' .
"But the Injun had understood the pal
aver, and it riles him a heap. He screws
around in his saddle and uses the pony's
sunken back as a purchase till he pulls
himself up. It is a hard struggle, for
them sands, hates to let go their grip. But
at last the sands give a gulp and the In
jun stands upon the pony, knee deep in
the quicksands. Gawd! I sometimes sees
his face now when I'm tapering off a pro
longed. It was shore full of hate. He
raises his good arm and begins to cuss us.
Most of the cusslns is . In "Pache.* but
once in a while he talks Mexlcano.
"We all knew enough of the lingo to ap
preciate what he was saying, and it was
shore hostile. About half of it in Ameri
can would have our Winchesters.
Pedro, being greaser, takes a lot of it, but
at last he throws up his gun with a snarl.
I reckon he'd have spoiled that 'Pache
"When he comes to the' edge 'he don't
aim to make no stop. It # hurts his pride
to hesitate, " but the pony sniffs them
sands and swings off.' The Injun pulls
his head around and puts it to the pony
proper with his heels. The pony pitches,
snorts arid then jumps out. It is a good
enough jump a* Jumps go. and sends
pony and 'Pache out twenty feet from the
"The water has fallen a lot and there is
a drop of five Or six feet to the water.
You' understands that there, ain't much
water then, jest an inch or two of muddy
river. But the quicksands are under that
inch or two, and no one knows how deep
them sands is.
"At that, we spread out go we guards
the edges of the Rio, not looking for that
Injun to make ho slip by us. The moment
he tries that he is a dead Injun, seeing it
isn't no more., than a forty-yard shot,
which same can't be missed in this Ter
ritory. But that Injun ain't organizing
for no such play. Singing that nifty
chant of his, he rides slow and straight
to the edce of the Rio.
war bonnet. He never moves. Another
boy on the off side rakes him across the
chest and gits a couple of bear claws from
his necklace. At that the Injun sits up
mighty straight and starts his pony on a
slow trot, and as he starts he beelns to
sing his death song. It was a wild,
'mournful "iort of a ehanO sliding up and
down in a Ions wail, pretty much like a
sick coyote.
"Now, I'm .damned if he don't ride
straight and slow for the. Rio. Seeing him
start away from us, the Kid up on the
bluff shoots at him, but misses, being
young.
•' 'Quit that!' yells Billy. 'Let him look
over them quicksands a piece.'
takes a snap at the Kid. which same is a
pitiful failure. Then Billy shakes loose a
load at him, and busts that 'Pache's arm
so that he drops his gun and don't shoot
no more. He gathers in his lariat, hops
on his horse and starts a jumping through
the mesquite. . •. . v -. >t .
"Right here- Billy'spjRn'^etitf-action- on.
We all rises and thaTlDjSn'pulljtup. Here
we are all around him.* with the butte at
his back ajid the 5tlo before him.
"I ain't no mind reader, and I don't say.
just what that 'Pache thinks at' this p'lnt.
He naturally. 'Iow3 that he's got to die
a lot, there being no other trail out. .I'm
offering big odds that the Injun is plumb
ashamed of himself at being caught that
way. Perhaps he throws In a few back
hand reproaches at the big spirit of the
spring, arid perhaps he don't. It being evi
dent that he is trustful no end of his lit
tle ole gods. But it is a safe bet that \ *
is glad none of his people are looking out
his foolish game.
"The thins that must of hurt him the
most is the feeling that he ain't got a
stitch of paint on. It's a turrible thing
for an Injun to face his foes after a bath,
before he. has time to fresco himself prop
er for war. It's just hell on that Injun.
Plain death ain't a lot to him. beinsr that
he's .an Ar>ache, who ¦ is used to dying.
But it is black disgrace to be caught a
washing hlsself in the presence of his ene
mies. ¦ ¦ • .
"Billy Boland a'lus 'lowed that the In
juns don't consider that sacred spring no
wash. " Billy ranked it as a big worship,
and the cleaning of it. was the ¦" sacrifice
thereof. , He says this Injun must have
felt himself a powerful sinner. , besides be
ing plenty sick, or he ain't going to lose
raint that way. However, Billy's little
old plan of humiliation worked right. As
that Injun sat on his pony all steaming
clean, without a single streak of red or
blue to cheer him up, he must have feit
humble. : ¦ .
'IFor about ten seconds he sat motion
less on his pony, one arm dangling and
bleeding,' v/hich same blood may have
comforted him a bit. I shakes loose one
load and gits an eagle feather out of that
"The Injun sits there with his bank to
us and looks steadily across the Rio to
"So soft Is that" jump that it don't
make the 'Pache lose a" note of the song
he sings. He sits there knee deep in the
quicksands and sings what he takes to be
the last stanza, though we don't savvy
the meaning none. .All of us boya comes
out of the mesquite and gathers there on
the bank, not a rope's throw from him.
The Kid he comes swarming down from
the butte and is present to the last.
"When they lands they gits into a nice
soft spot and don't make a jar calculated
to hurt that busted arm. But the pony
sinks more than belly deep and bogs
down. Nothing more is doing with that
pony until the hoss judgment day. He
thrashes about a time or two, give a
shrill squeal, the same being his death
song, and sinks gradual, hi3 eyes start
ing out of his head with terror.
high bank. ; They hits the , Rio with a
splash and a plop and a bit of a scramble,
but not much.
party right there if Billy Boland hadn't
pushed aside the barrel. So Pedro only
shoots up the mountain across the Rio.
!"Drop that foolishness:' veils Biily.
'That Injun's mouth will be stopped proper
enough. You are interrupting the MLHM.
which same I don't stand none. Whose
funeral is this, anyway?' .
"It looks like the sands git a fresh grip
on that pony as he sinks, and the In.iui*
is drawn down fast. First his waist, then
his shoulders and then his neck. Did you
all ever notice how the sun droDS all sud
den when it is half sunk? That'3 the way
that Injun goes toward the last. A ripple
of the Rio washes up to his rnouih. He
hands out one last yell at u<*. starts his
death chant, bubbles a note or two, and
then there ain't no 'Pache. but just a nifty
war bonnet floating. Billy he ropes them
feathers for a souvenir. Somewhere down
in them quicksands there's a mighty brave
Injun keeping company with the cows."
"Which lame is a true storv. 1 wa3
there," remarked one of ihe boys
proudly.
Mr. Henders shivered slightly and tosae<1
aside- the cigarette which he vainly was
tryinc to roll, f
"Let's have another drink, "Doys," he
said. A. C. McKENZIE.
*T ERMOSA. X. M.-Althourh it 1&
l\ not quarter payday for the cattle-
I I raen who make this 'i«*!e camp
J their safety valve after tlue«»
months on the range. Bud t*ecb\ea.
boss of the Diamond Heart ranch, lias
b*en In town this week with his whole
outfit. By stage from Lake Valley, the
nearest railroad point on the Santa Fa,
"\\\ F. Henders. the Knglishman who r*-p
rcsents the London syndicate, had* come
to Hermosa to talk with the boys about
the best way to keep the thousands of
cows on whose lean flanks a heart is
burnt inside a diamond out of (he jeadly
quicksands of the Upper Rio Grande.
If it were not for these famous quick
sands the range hereabout would be a
gold mine for those English capitalists
whose cows by the thousands roam about
the pray expanse which the greasers cail
"the voyage of death." To a tenderfoot
like young Bangs, who is riding with the
outfit this year for his health and his
chuck, the waterless alkali plain which
stretches eighty miles from the mountains,
about Hermosa to the Upper Rio Grande
seems a. tough proposition. But good
cowmen like Bud Peebles know that the
gramma rrass curls flat and gray over
the clains and makes it a good enough
range if it were not for the ouesfon of
water.
Speaking plainly.it is not just water; for
New Mexican rows do not have to drink
much oftener than a camel and do not in
the least mind bunching up and galloping
thirty or forty miles for a good long suck
at the Rio Grande. But for miles the Kio
<Jrarde is lined with the most treacherous
quicksands in the world, with only now
ar.d then a hard bottom ford nr a firm
ftrip where the cows might drink in
rafety. . •
Wise a? are lcr.ghorns in general, they.
do not seem to learn anything about
quicksand. Many a time the boys have
rop<?d a bogged stc-^r and have nulled him
out of sure death, only to have the brute
charge them fiercely ar.d then "jihd ?n
and mire down in pretty much the same
spot from which he was rescued.
"Ten thousand cows gone in them sands
ought to knock sen?e IntA even a London
er's head." remarked Bud Peebles frank
ly as h" and the boys settled down to dis
cuss with Mr. Henders the question of
fencing In the Rio bank for forty miles,
leaving gaps only where the bank is
gravel. "Therefore I'm offering ten to one
that you all have come out to wire that
l*>etle cle Rio. There ain't no sort of use
for you all to prance 'way out here if it
ain't that a-way, seeing you fits a buggy
a hesp better than you do a saddle."
The Englishman smiled quietly and
nodded again at Fat Frank, the barkeeper
of the Burnt Brand, where the confer
ence was being held. Mr. Henders had
b.cn too often on the range to treat the
beys as if they were merely flired men.
Meaning to draw out his Justification to
the directors for spending thousands of
dollars in fencing, a course which they
frowned on, but which he had already
decided to follow, he did not tell the men
at once that he had already ordered five
oarioads of wire in Chicago on his way
West.
"Wire costs a lot by the m!le. Bud," he
remarked, as Fat Frank slammed down
tho heavy bottles 'on the bar and they all
"simmers :?ded."
"So does cows," snapped Bud. "And so
dcts men."
"How many men have been swallowed
up by those treacherous sands?" asked
Mr. Henders.
"Records don't keep well in the Terri
tory," replied the cowboy, "and there
ain't no saying for shore. But I knows
myself of a bis bunch. Plenty of them
the sands is welcome to. Gawd! What a
mess you'd git if you ever could run them
sands through a strainer T* Cows and
ponie?, greasers, Injuns, rustlers and
good square boys are as thick in them
sands us plums in a imdden*. I reckon
you'd lind a bully ole 'Pache down near
the bottom, standing plumb straight on
the back of his hoss. He went down that
a-way, waving his hand and a cussing a
passel of us boys on the bank, a-whoop
ing his death song.
"That was back in the seventies, when
ole Victoria was surging over these parts,
shooting up cowmen and greasers and
running off cows till Crook corrals him
up in the Mogollons. There was a mighty 1
fine captain that was a-biling rheuma
tism out of himself in a hot spring out
on the Rio bank beyond Las Palomas
when them 'Paches creeps up and fills
him so full of arrows that he dies right
then and there, making that healing ole
spring steam red.
"A couple of years after the captain
gits killed up in the spring six or seven
of the boys comes soft over the high
mesa above that biiing spring and looks
down to see a lone 'Pache bilir.g himself
in the hole which the Injuns had stoned
up years ago, wh&i like enough there
ain't even greasers here about. The hole
steams a plenty, and we don't see clear,
but we gits a glimpse of a nifty war
bonnet lying on the edge and a pony
staked out near by. This gives the snap
away, and we laffs fit to kill, thinking
as how it is just too. easy to win out that
Injun.
"He must have been Fhore sick, or he
ain't going to make no such careless play
as that. We creeps back on the mesa to
stake our hosses, and Billy Boland, who
is boss them days, arranges the deal.
Billy is one of the men who lifts the cap
tain out after the Injuns has made an
arrow cushion out of him.
" 'We'll make that 'Pache look like an
amateur,' says Billy. *Don"t you boys go
and get quick on the trigger. I can do
all the plugging necessary to protect our
play till It's down to cases, when you all
can place your shots according to your
individual tastes. But the thing to do
is to make that Injun feel ashamed a
whole lot. We rubs it into him as how
he ain't got squaw sense to go a biiing
himself thus careless. It's an easy win
tnat he has made a big medicine and
thinks that the spirit of the spring is rid
ing herd on him, which same is a snare
and a delusion."
"It's a terrible solemn thin^ for a
'Pache to take a bath anyhow, and I
reckon the whole procedure sort of threw
that 'Pache oft! his stride. Anyhow, there
he is a-splashing himself under that drift
ing steam, while we all is a-snlckering up
on the mesa above him. a-thlnking how
we makes good for that army captain
THE SUNDAY CALLi
11
DRIVEN INTO THE QUICKSANDS OF THE UPPER RIO GRANDE

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