Newspaper Page Text
I WAS down on the card to lcadfa
lady friend of mine to a New York
theater where you can roll around in
an orchestra chair at DO cents a
When a guy can buy a couple of cozy
corners in a dead swell theater for 50
cents per coze he's a mark to blow four
plunks to squeeze Into one of those joints
where they feed you on problem plays
and fricasseed pasts.
I figured It out that way and stood pat.
That evening finds me in the parlor as
usual. You know the parlor I mean.
When a guy reaches that condition where
he gives himself the careful glance and
says, "Gee! I got to get shaved this even
ing!" you can bet there's only one parlor
In the world for him.
I'm sitting on the sofa with one mitt
lying carefully on the family album and
the other hunched around a 51.70 cane,
when my lady friend floats Into the arena.
There's a • short-arm clinch, a break
away, and we're back In our corners.
"Oh, John Henry!" says my lady friend,
giving her real hair a couple of taps and
glancing out In the dining-room to see If
mother was rubbering.
I tell you, boys," its- aces when your
lady friend does that after a short clinch.
There's nothing to it.
When a girl stamps her foot and .talks
with a tabasco lisp and says, "How dare
you kiss me. sir? You are impertinent,
sir!" ifa a S3 to 1 shot that Gussle Glad
top, the ribbon i clerk, who calls every
Tuesday evening, first gave her an excuse
for writing that libretto.
She's just dying to have you bite her
again, but eh© handles her language
wrong, and the four-flush calldown makes
you back-pedal so hard that you grab
your hat. and you find yourself saying
day-day long before papa drops In with
his usual bundle of benzine, and an A flat
hiccough on the side.
For me the glorious creature who sim
ply says, "Oh, John Henry!" and pats
her temples to see if her Seven Sutherland
Sisters happens to be mussed.
Anyway, after the bell rings I say to
my lady friend, "If you'll tease a trolley
with me, we'll be on our way tomorrow
Bight to the theater!"
"Oh, how lovely!" says my lady friend.
"I do so love to go to the theater. Where
shall we go?— Oh! I. know! Let's go and
FREDERICK STAUNTON GORE
UY SEE, said Ben Jonsing, manafe-
I ing broker of the Possumvllle
I Rapid Transit Stock Company,
X "that call money is 123 on the
crib today and still a-goin' up.
You fellers had better jist come to de
front \u25a0wid you' mahgins."
"I caifa't increase dem chickens. Does
Mr. Sage sagatiate dat V"
THE CHRONICLES OE DON Q
Continued From Page 4.
ley. Yet he left it last night, and at
this moment, good Manuelo, he lies
above the path beside the lagoon wait-
Ing, watching for us. We will not keep
him waiting. I have been told he is a
sure shot. We will test his aim. Put
this traitor on the mule/ my children."
Manuelo was lifted into the saddle, a
noose slipped round his ankles was
secured beneath the belly of_,the mule,
a gag was thrust between his teeth,
and when he was bound and helpless,
Don Q. with his own bands artistically
arranged the folds of a cloak about his
"Now, Manuelo. we will take tne road.
As for you, my children, return to the
head of the valley that leads into the
Boca de Lobo. I no longer need your
help." /. -r -
So the journey was resumed.
"I understand, Manuelo," went on the
soft voice of Don Q., "that you and
your brother have been ambitious of
meeting me alone in some solitary spot.
Is it not so? You are about to have
your desire. Gregorio will mistake you
for me. He will remember the heavy
blood money that is upon my head, and
will send his bullet straight. The result
may surprise him a little, - but in this
world it is never wise to : count upon re
The progress of the mule, regulated
by the pace of the terrible man who
\u25a0walked so delicately behind it, was
Blow, and before the spread of water
with, the moon shining upon it. ci'me
into view, Manuelo had plenty of time
t» realize his position.
Not far ahead Gregorio was waiting,
with his rifle on his knee, ready to fire,
not <Ji earning that the muffled figure on
l.'ie mule was not Don Q.", but' his otvn
If only he could make some sign of
warning whereby Gregorio might
escape the cruel vengeance of the chief!
For himself he could rely on. the ac
curacy of his brother's marksmanship.
The earth seemed suddenly to reel
and give way beneath him and' he knew
FRIZZLES OR FINANCE
see Sarah Bernhardt! I'm just dying to
see her!" . .- .'[•'...
Up and away to the. mines! Sarah^. Bern
hard t at five plunks a cha:r. and me
scratching gravel to get my laundry back
from foreign lands of a Saturday night!
"I'm just dying to see Sarah!" says the
Sweetest Thing Ever, andgi'd be[a small
bunch of parsnips If I hadn't volunteered
in the life-saving service then and. there.
"Yes," I says to my lady friend. "I
thought you'd like to see Bernhardt!" and
all the time I'm giving this glad speech
I'm going down the line mentally to see
who will give me quick action on a
."1 think it is awful nice of you to ask
me to see Bernhardt," says The Real
Thing, throwing a goo-goo at me that
settles everything. After a joyous glance
like that I'm glad to break into the box
office and wrestle the keeper for. the gate
Anyway, after a labored conversation
with a friend. I'm'helped to the price next
day, and f patter away for the paste
boards. My lady friend togs out in her
revelry rags, and I'm somewhat of a big
event myself when we slide into the
gold-bond building and reach out for
ten dollars* worth of amusement, hot off
"Mercy me!" says my lady friend; after
the curtain lias been up a while, "what
are they talking about? 1 can't under
stand a word!" . .1
I'm sitting there holding the funeral
services over my ten plunks, so I'm not
wise to what's doing on the stage.
"What's the matter?" I says.
"I,isten!" says Clara Jane.'.
I listened. In a minute I was next.
The trackwalkers on the stage were talk*
ing Dago* Dago, mind you! and me just
after putting on mourning for my ten
"Oh! they're doing the trick in French,"
I says, offhand, just as though I paid my
carfare in French every- morning.
Say, I don't know enough about French
to find Paris on the jnap — honest, that's
straight! But I'm thinking of my dear
departed ten, so I makes the play !
"What are they saying now?" says tho
proposition In peaches.
Rl2:ht there was where I fell in the
cellar. <, .
"Bon gre de la tour be jee!" I
says, handing her the hottest ac-.
CALL MONEY AT 125
Ebenezer Skilduck. Deacon Shatterbox
and William George Washington looked
at the proprietor distrustfully. They had
never heard of call money before, an<i
scented a scheme . to make trouble.
"Wot kind of money does you say Is
dat?" demanded Deacon Shatterbox, after
"Call money,", replied Mr. Jonsing,au
-stcrely. "Dem chickens wot you have
up' Oar as mahgin has been called in by
llr. Russell Sage 01 New York, who is now
in de full and complete possession ub de
mahket. and demands de; immediate, p'ay
[ment of 120 \u25a0'\u25a0 per cent on: all call loans.
We hab ; no' alternative 'but to v comply:
Dahfore I remark now^dat gemmenhab
in' accounts in dis yere bffus increase dar
mahgins widout delay, leastways if dcy
wish to avoid a unpleasantness: wid Mr.
Sage, who is now . in de f ull control, as 1
remahked a moment ago, of wot money [
has not bin spent and who, wants de rest. :
Befo* de blznets ub de day can proceed
I request dat all gemmen heah present In-.
crease dcy mahgins by at least 50 per
"I cain't increase dem chickens,',' re
plied ; the deacon, "befo' tomorrow
raawnin', nohow, and mebbc not den,
unless the Lawd favahs us specially in
de mattah ob de moon. Duz Mr. Sage
saR-aciate dat?" \
"Well," observed Mr. Jonsing. "I> will
have a telegrapham sent to Mr. Sage
and see wedder de chicken situation am
to be considahed in de premises, but I
no more. After he had fallen" the bark
o£ Gregorio's rifle reached Don Q.
The chief stood back in th« shadow
of a rock and watched the active figure
of Gregorio leaning down the slope.
"Where are you, brother? Is he
stunned? I shot the mule under him
when I saw you- were alone with him,"
sa!d Gregorio, stooping over the fallen
animal and his rider.
The dim shape by the rock laughed
and Ep'rang atThe same Instant. Be
neath the iron-bound musket butt,
which descended on his head, Gregorio
went down, kicking feebly on the sand.
Don Q.s delicate little hands pinioned
him with a rapid and scien title com
pleteness. Then he turned to Manuelo,
tore the gag from his mouth, and with
a strength surprising in so fragile a
body, pulled him free of the dead mule.
He roiled the brother into a sitting pos
ture against the moonlit rock face,
dashed water over them and finally sat
down in front of them to watch their
return to consciousness, breaking now
and then into shakings of sibilant
"We will wait until our . excellent
Gregorio, whose shooting is so admir
able, has regained his senses sufficient
ly to join in our conversation,"-Don Q.
began, as Gregorio with a groan shifted
his head from one bump on the 'rock', to
another and blinked up' dizzily at the
moon. "He is already better. I. trust,
Gregorio, that your, thoughts are quite
clear?"' » . -,
• The man jj shivered, then, scowled.
Recollection: had come to him also. ,
"I wish you both, to listen to me very
carefully," the chief pursued. "We have
played a very interesting game- to
gether, Manuelo, 'for yours is the brain
behind.it. But I'do not: think. i flatter
myself when I'say that ' the* honcrs~fcst
with me?" [„ - ,-\u25a0 . 'J^ .
"Yes, we have lost the ; game," said :
Manuelo, in the^old rigid manner. "But"
we are not afraid!" \u25a0 >-
, "You ' are a . brave man," [commented
Don Q. politely; ["but because yau are •
not afraid now, it does ; not V follow? that i
"THE' SAN[ FRANGISCO SUNDAY 'Chilli.-
\u25a0-cent that -was ever, turned loose.
; "Oh, John Henry!" says'rny lady friend;
"why. > I 'didn't : know : you? could 1 ; speak
French! -How lovely ! What docs it mean
in;English?'V fv \u25a0; / :
It wasup to meto make good.
"It means," 'l says, "that Sarah is hand
ing ia: calldowri to the old guy ; . tha t look 3
like a cheese sandwich. She says .s to
him, 'See here, you've got another' bun
on! How dare youtrail into myjflat with
your tide high enough to float a" battle
"That doesn't sound very poetical,*' says
the extreme -limit. . -. . [J
"It isn't poetical." T s-ays,; "but it's the
goods all right. 'Bon gre,'. that's French
for a bun, and 'de la tour' means the
rest. Tl [['\u25a0 .. \u25a0\u25a0\u25a0:. ' ' .....-
That was where T caught step with my
finish. . . . . . ' '
T had to translate everything that was
said [on the stage, "and I couldn't even
pronounce the name of the piece they
were playing. .
All I could do was to remember some
of the: swell language I ( had heard: at
other play, joints, and I , rushed them at
my lady friend so fast that [she .iha'dn't
time to decide that I ought to be on ay
way to a foolish house. :
When ; Bernhardt addressed a lot 'of
French supers I used up a bunch of
tlckle-your-fancy language that' May lr
win hands to her rib-racked audiences,
and my lady friend stood for it.
WhenCoquelin pushed out bis chest and
jawed , every one In sight. I threw my
whole soul Into the translation anuhand
fd my lady friend a line of ; talk! that I
had: heard in a burlesque at '.'The New
York;" Coquelin matie an awful hit with
my lady friend. If I could haverfemem
bcrcd.more.of those good things Coquelin
would have been\accs ; with her for ever
after. . x - . • : "
s Whcn Coquelin and Sarah got into one of
those short-arm duets, I sprung some of
"Florodora" on my lady" friend. \- w She
seemed to like it." Especially, when I
handed her some of Edna Wallace : Hop
per's, epigrams, with a short. line of talk
from Tommy Ryley and a side speech here
and there f rom Ed Rosonbaum.': » l hated
to do it, but I was up to my neck/, and I
couldn't holler for help. No one in 'the
audience would have responded. They
were all too busy making, the same bluff
that I was. Even the ushers were trying
nm not in a position to prophetsiz*
about de result. : You kno \v. berry, v/ell
deacon, dat . Mr. - Sage is -a ;sick [man
most obde time, only won money g«t!
above JOO percent on call. Dat doan
;happen^ebberj- day, and: for, all* I 'know
be may wire back demaridin' dv'Jmine
jit delivery of dem chickens.: w!d!conv
pound' interest at >de rate .of \u25a0'.- 125 pei
cent i'dr ssecond, w'ich is do rate toda>
on I de' curb, dat is in' de basement .part
of .Wall,' street. Howsumebbah, let us
hope fur dc best." - : i -. /
There, was, a general silence in .the
exchanged broken ronl^j' by : the clattet
of [the telegraph -Instrument, which
parently began: its [work, inrespojise. to
the heavy tapping of Mr. Johnsing's foQt
on the -floor.: -Kbenezer Skilduck. wlio
had: $1.39 deposited. withthe concern 1 as
margin,: on fourteen;. shares of .Amal
gamated : Copper, 'which' ho-had . sold
short on a straight tip from Mr.,Law
son of Boston, seemed in deepthought.
i "Wot hez dat;darc call munny -got to
do wld my $1.39?" he finally demanded
of Mr. Jonslng-.
"Only dis." replied the manager gra
ciously, "dat-if Mr.'. Sago doan get" at
least 70 cents more widout delay -yo'
maligin \ money is ' forfeited undsih do
roolin'. of de Sprecm v Cawt. yo' 'knows
you; ah' a cent shy any way on "de- or lg
nalfdeal! which was for $1.40, whereas
by special permission [of Mr. Sago; yo"
only put.up' $1.39. - So I advise' yo'.to
get.dat arc 70 cents widout amonient's
you will not be; afraid before, we have
done with one another."
"What does it matter?" answered
Manuelo. "My -brother/ and I took an
oath to kill you. We' have failed. Noth
ing remains but' to make an end. of us."
"Not so ; fast, Manuelo," put 7 in \u25a0 the
chief. ', "I have just bee*' thinking how
full of. romance, is; your situation. You
and Gregorio are twins. ; You were born
together, you have lived and worked?to
gether, and now in the- fitness of things
you_are to: die: together.:
. "And," resumed the brigand, "believe
me, I should not interfere with so "ar
tistic a. conclusion ha^ I only ourselves
to think of.' : But I cannot afford to j for-,
get that you j have both, belonged to 'that
estimable . force to whose kind Interest
in , my : lif el l owe "so deep a debt. * It ; is
incumbent upon me to. send them informa
tion iby a reliable hand— say by one of
you— how .a ; civilVguard who has
failedilna duel, with Don Q. I trust you
follow me?" .-.-j. -.-j - ! • :
The. two men', stared at J him stolidly.
"It is ' clear, that . you do. There are;
to return : to my ; subject, Fmany "channels
by which the ? whole .s story : will find 'its
way down to the plains. But that is not
sufficient | for v my, purpose. I wish \u25a0- the
clvlL guard to;know/from the lips of one
of ; their i own : corps .that' I have scored
another, point In the twenty years' gamble
that : has been played -ou t between us. ' I
have, therefore, • decided ' that one of you
shall go, free..: The: other must die and—
well. < I v/arn you " he .- will . heea all Jhis
fortitude before the happy moment of his
departure from llf.cJ You are braye 'men;
choose, then, between youVwhich shall go
f ree ; and which shall— remain forever in
the sierra." \-Y'i-.-'-~i'_ \u25a0- •;.' : \u25a0. \u25a0..".•
. : Don Q. ; moved away a - little space and
the "brothers; began to talk eagerly to
gether in low tones. At the end of -five
minutes the chief; returned. \u25a0; \u25a0 ...
"Well," he j, asked,' 1 "I : am waiting for
your decision. Who- is to . be the lucky
OUC?'/ t . ::\u25a0;', /.... " [. \u0084 ' ,
VGregorio," shouted • Manuelo at once.
"No, ;no; Manuelo,: I- cannot," declared
the other hoarsely. < , r ' . -. . \u25a0 f-.
."Therels€emsto,be;.a slight difference
of opinion; shall I decide the matter^for
you?:!_;;.,?iS: \u0084 '; :"\u25a0-•\u25a0'\u25a0 \u25a0- ' '.-.,-. \u25a0 .... .;';v;
t*l * will [decide," tsaidl Manuelo; i"I •have
the i right?' of ; choice before 'my brother."
since lam .tlie older."-. • • . . . . \u0084
> "No,rno!". ; cried sthe otherJ passionately
"l-will.not:buy,life at : such' a: price." . \u25a0
vDon Q.,held .up his hand.-- --. • , .•
•-"It is> enough. -You cannot agree The
decision:- must; be famine, . fon I regret I
have;; not /time .-.(lnterestingXas? it: would
be,'; to%listen'. to an[ argument bf :tween'
you — ".:.':...\u25a0:\u25a0.-.: "• --\u25a0.'' : ; v.- '
AT THE THEATRE
to applaud r.ith a: French accent. '
I : never lost* ten plunks- so : ha'rJ in all
my life: . / ;-^; -^
Before the first act. was [over I had Sarah
talking about a sure cure. for rheumatism
that 1 read in \an j almanac, and I had
Coquelin reciting -^the "Charge of the
Light Brigade." ["* :
It was a hot evening— for me!
Be fore* the [second act was half through
1 went off my dip. I was nutty; from pit
to dome.) had enough "bum French in
my topknot to start ore of those sit-back
holdTtlght table [d'hote places, : with wine
at 43 cents a' grab. - '
It [was fierce. :•: .
But it was-ull off when. l put Sarah
into Mother Goose. • That * was the Tast
\u25a0••.•"iMnlCTmntflfl. "CrtpnAh 170— and dat
busts yo' account wido open."
. delay.'- Udderwise/ uddcrwlse. A word
ko de : udder wise am sufficient." .
.• "Docs dat Mr. Sage , bo iiware dat my
pie. -woman hab sot de. roomatlz- and
doanr done no washin'; Vdis' last " two
weeks?" urged Mr. Skilduck. sadly.
"He am well aware of dem : fax," re-
... Manuelo , broke \u25a0 Into his speech. \u25a0 -:'-'
' "Hear me," .\u25a0 he groaned ; ". ."Gregorio has
a wlfe[ and child. Let him go'.'J ;
--i) '.'The choice is iln my hands; and 7 in my
hands it must remain." ; Don Q." answered,
."I have i decided. •;» Gregorio \u25a0\u25a0 shall •' go ': free
after he X has I [looked >; upon % his \ brother's
death. Y[ ,£ have [.' chosen ; him.% not <" because
lie has ' a* wife ' and "child waiting ; for \ him
In \u25a0 M urciai .but \ because ' being ? readier of
speech than our stlff-tongued Manuelo, [he
will ; "render,.' a : more vivid picture of what
he;has .witnessed.'" . , - ;. - : .-,"\u25a0 -
; The soft flow of the chief's voice neither
rose • nor fell. ' ' Gregorio shuddered vio
lently. ; : ..,"•: ' \u25a0 ." • ... -.
;>"I;will not witness it," he cried. "Shoot
us'both.'in' the" name of the ; Virgin!"
. ''Be" reasonable,"'; said < Manuelo. « VFor
my sake, Gregorio, go free. '\u25a0•; Why should
two die ? /; Besides, ( the ? thought that - you
live will be with^me when the"Qu'ebrauta
huesos: Isj doing . his worst. ,-We Morunoa
do. not know fear." _ t \u25a0>'.
, There "followed -a. silence, during.which
the; chief "stood like' a -dormant bird, his
cloak ' half / fallen on the ; sand- at 'his feet.
. ; "Other ; men besides ! you;" Manuelo, other
brave men: have * challenged me to do my
worst', and with , one . exception \I *; have al
ways lived to \u25a0 hear ', their \valn : appeals for
mercy." ;;/Doff ,Q.'s low tone had an : echo
of [weariness, j.j - '\u25a0: :?[ •; '\u25a0- '..,-_ •
'-"Now. hear, me, Manuelo ; , what If I give
you ;also; your life?"; .t . \u25a0'
-The ; man 'did' not: reply ,at once; then
he; said:: •\u25a0"•.' ...
' V.'.Why.; mock nic? Speak plainly." ;
; "I do not mock y0u..1 have many faults
In the .'eyes of men, but it ; is well known
that l i never" lie. : _\u0084I s it not so?'. 1 -- -
" ; ;:Thatiis so.V '--\u25a0• \u25a0'.:: \u25a0 ;
"Tell- me .then,.' Manuelo, the truth-ln
return. _ What if I. let you go) free, also ?V
The love of life j was.'. strong in; Manuelo.
!Who ; ; knows; whaf struggle went on In
his breast': at;that monrent?^ t • : .»\u25a0 > '\u25a0 •
' Vlt ? is .; impossible. ,-. We I have : taken an
oath that .while; life remains : in our ;bodies
we will ; seek , your life. • If '.you \ spare .us
now, we: will ; come "- again; \u25a0* Shoot imeVand
be done- with it. : We are honorable men."
.Don i Q.' burst Into' a shriek of x hissing
laughter^'; ;,',\u25a0•;'\u25a0\u25a0. ..'•.'.\u25a0\u25a0' \u25a0[;./"-.. \u25a0•".'?'.."-"''';.'•: *\u25a0 \u25a0-\u25a0
.: "Manuelo, go] free!", lie cried.--. VSceoow
I'give myself Into'your^ hands.^^Go"; back
to i Murcia," ?ahd' .when"* your.': vow. troubles
you;' come ,! again [land "cross •; swords and
wits > wlthHhe; king 7 of .the , 'sequestradores.'
I j really.: feel (quite ' indebted to] you,'?Man
uelo: '-L (You ? have : given 'me •something ? to
look' forward", to;\an added^zesti toillfe, for
death * stares sat?\u25a0 mo J f oreyer; from" your[
eyes. And -i although VL ,. have .outgrown
most of "the shuman,"' weaknesses,: I T still
have : in 1 my,, heart a> warm ; feeling i for fa
very:- brave '- man."; i'".., L. ; -:, -^ ;
camel. My lady friend wouldn't stand
for_st when I. told her that Bernhardt
was saying "Old Mother Hubbard. she
went to the cupboard." She thought I
was stringing her. I "guess I was.»<[ [•.
:.---. I told her. that the French had gone
to my -head. -Clara Jane said I looked
pale, and hadn't/ we better, go home;
she had enough, I : anyway! : '
: I'll bet she had. I'll bet four dollars
my lady friend had :the worst play,
bar none, that- was "ever adapted from
the ! French, i ' That's what she' had, and
I had. such a headache!: "'\
•: Af ter_we paddled - off home my lady
friend said she dtdn't. exactly under
stand.the plot of the play, but she'd be
glad if I got the book and read the
rest of it. to her. : \u25a0 . . • .
plied Mr. Jonslng, ."but '; he wired back
dat ef yo* ole woman hed '.ben rubbed
on he haldwid a possum's tall wen she
wuz^bawncd, she woodn't hey de roo
matiz - and dat de proceedings of [Wall
street caln't be suspended on her. account.
Much as Air. Sage sympathizes with Miss
Skilduck in her present : connection de ne
cessities •of • high; Fine Nance
a suspension" ob de commerce ob de
land." V. ; -
"l-'doan seeVwot Fine Nance hab got
to. do with Miss Shilduck's roomatlz," per
sisted melancholy Bkilduck. "Leastways,
how de dlbbil does dat [Mr. .Sage expect
me. to raise 70 cents if be done got all de
munny. dar Is hisself?, I doan see Into
dat, noway. Trance ' ain't got no money,
er I'd hey took It away from her long
ago.* An' w'y does .they call her Fine
Nance? She; ain't "no finer dan nobody
els.c." . ' .; . :-'. '[.[._ - --; [ : '.;
"My pinion is." broke hvWilliam Georga
Washington, \u25a0' ."dat dis yere 'A call \ money
am a bluff ub de. doctors to keep dat Mr.
Sage al.ve an. welK A , man -. down the
cawt t house done tole me dat Mr.- > Sage
am * 2-16 ' years "old.' already, ; and if bizness
keeps 'vp >de way, It : liez_ he will-be. 300
years" old Inside of <&\ month. * . . Dat's de
way; wid dem : rich folk, '- nebbah \u25a0 satisfied.
Nebbah satisfied!'.' /- ' , . > .
Air. Jonslng, who had been busily figuring
out; a-[ series of quotations [which -would
wipe out the bulk of. tne customers' mar
gins.- renewed " his [impauent kicking on
the -floor, I ' and presently the telegraph be
gan. Its ticking. "Malgamated -:Coppah,
170." he. called out, "and: dat busts yo*
account wide open,; Mr. "Skilduck."
\u25a0; Mr. Skilduck arose and : walked out' of
the place, skillfully anathematizing Mr.
Russell Sage on the 'way. Then' a few
more loud ticks announced the confisca
tion of i Deacon Shatterbox's chickens
chickens that represented several | nights
of unwearying industry on the part of the
deacon. * The latter shed: a tear as he
watched the crate with Its feathered con
tents borne away, but: later consoled him
self wiiit the : reflection . that there were
more, chickens where those- came from.
MOST WONDERFUL BATTLESHIP
Continued From Page 5.
stroyed .before the ship, can come into
effective range of the lighter gun?'.*
: The undisturbed tendency, of ; naval de
sign-, has been to ; . reduce the, extent of
the ; uriarmored 'superstructure and to
increase the protected areas, so that : . a
larger/amount of' punishment can be
received without serious consequences
to, buoyancy.- stability or maneuvering
power. According Uo Jan? authority
quoted by Sir William White armor has
been so much improved, in twenty years
that- it-requires" fifteen inches of the
best iron: armor ; to offer : the same re
sistance • to: perforation- as that "afforded
by twelve ;inches of compound or ordi
nary steel plates, or by seven inches of
Harveyizfd, • ior ; finally by. five I and
three-quarter, inches of Krupp. ; It will
be' readily 'seen. how much this reduc
tion in thickness, without any, diminu
tion . in resisting power, means to the
designers of :.~ships. ... The.cost per ton
l!as,.naturally[ enough, risen with im
provements' in r d.uality, but [the price Is
well - worth * paying .because \u25a0'. of .' its ' re
markable inlluence ' : in .'keeping \u25a0'. . down
ship -dimensions, -.because Tof; the , less
.weight of protective material needed
for certain defensive power.": In all the
later classes • the* distribution of ;.. the
aririor has been extended,
though, it. must bo r [ "confessed, [ tne
wxjights 7 arc still .very 'great.' In .. the
King • Edward Vllv'dass,* for -example,
the totaliweight of .the armor Js'neariy.
30. per-ccnt lof - : the '\u25a0-displacement,', and
out-, of \u25ba a; total tost of. £1.300.000,: tho
armor, represents a little' less, than
one third; that is. <: £400,000./ The
Drt-ao'riaugrht is" expected,' to 'have even
a j larger . proportion and . 1 1 Is hoped an
improved; distribution of farmor,-. both
because "of her ?I displacement
and: ofr"i tljo Wot tier installation , of. so
many.-- more, [great -guns., .; ; •', .:
'\u0084_Thc v *; proposed use -of water, [tube
boilers i jihd.-turbincs'has,' excited . some
opposition* among ; those; 'British': ex-'
perts^that;aS'a".rule approve of "neither,
the ric.w ; shl:> 'nor, of thereef.ntJorgani
zajjon ' of the ;nee,t.rVrh«^successf ul' run .
across., the^ Atlah tic -and * back-/"* of ; Y the
n ew; battleship" Domlniori^must 'do* much
to,' settle V'.the£ controversy;.; over [v'.the^
water. ;tube boilers,"j and .the • increasing,
experiences £• with ' turbine <Vv machinery
must'serve to^>sho w t ilts'^usef ulhess in '.
war.'as well as •i n merchant *" construc
tions.'.-^Tlierc-s, are.' to ;bei'.twp.'.,.high
oressure and two- low-pressure turbines.
\u25a0 Me! — off to the woods'. Me! — to the
tall timbers till she wakes up! No
more glad tidings from the French for
me. My lady friend is the whole out
put, but she'll have to get out of her
tranco and take me without mayon
'I was a lobster to sit In the game,
but I'm not pate de fole gras enough
to stay there after my feet get cold.
The next time I trot with my lady
friend to the theater It will be to "The
New York," where they talk plain
United ' States, and where you get two
cozy-corners at fifty cents a throw!
Believe me! - V-i .
Yours, on the griddle.
(Copyright by G. W. Dlllingham Co.)
"Called on Miss Tootwiiliser."
and that the moon was rarely bright at
this season. .- . [ '\u25a0\u25a0\u25a0\u25a0: \u25a0 ,
* , William George Washington alone tri
umph* d.- He . had gone * short • of seven
shares of Dandy Mining Company prefer
red, - and the result • of the day's decline
ou that stock showed him to have profited
14 cents. He eagerly took his money and
went to call 'on "High. .Fine Nance, who.
he thought, must have valuable views on
the stock market. •' .'."\u25a0••
Here he had failed to reckon on Mr.
Skilduck. The latter, too, had called on
Miss Nancy Tootwilliger to demand an
explanation of her conduct in. interfer
ing with his deals. When the two met.
Miss Tootwilliger ran away, frightened,
and Mr. Skilduck and Mr. Washington
fought It out. The results were inconclu
sive, although Mr. Washington lost an
ear and Mr. Skilduck a finger. But, on
the whole, despite this Incident, as Mr.
Jonsing remarked at the close of office
hours. "De market hab been berry active,
with a slight' upward tendency." \u25a0 •
each operating: a separate shaft, and
each of these will also carry an astern
turbine. Two turbines will also be em
ployed for cruising purposes. The
steam pressure is higher than any
heretofore used with the turbine sys
tem. "The promised speed, if realized."
will make* the Dreadnought the fast
est battleship afloat, and by the use
of turbine machinery economies in
working and possibly in space will,
without any loss in efficiency, be gained.
Apart from the- novel features embodied
in the design of the Dreadnought, the ce
lerity with which she will be built is sure
to establish a new record in construction.
Hitherto no battleship of any type has
been turned out in less than :twenty-two
months, and then the standard vessel -
displaced only 15,000 tons, compared with
the 18,000 tons. of the newest ship. The
strain of this high pressure construction
has of course been very great, but so far
none of the officers or civilians engaged
has broken down under It.
It may be -their good fortune to see the
great vessel, which they laid down in Oc
tober and launched on February 10. fin
ished by February, 1307— that is. in six
teen i months from the date the first keel
plate, was; laid. It is undoubtedly true
that a great deal of the material was
made ready, months beforehand, but even
this advantage will not diminish the
value of a notewqrthy -achievement.
.The. large body of opinion In favor of
the design seems, in " all fairness, to war
rant the belief that the Dreadnought -will
probably be the most powerful battleship
ever 'put afloat. The design, so far as L*
known, appears to be governed by the
assumption that the .fighting lice must
muster, ships which • combine the heaviest
armament, the greatest speed and the
strongest protection. To attain this the
displacement must be large enough to
unite the- total elements harmoniously
and compromise. On the one
hand the modern displacement must en
able.the ship to carry all necessary stores
and .equipment, .to 'berth, her personnel
during extended cruise^ to afford \u25a0 a
stable gun platform »nd maintain a high
speed in- turbulent water and yet not so
large as to forbid ease of handling, safe
admission to all principal ports, and. fin
ally." facility of 4 docking in ; the existing
costly structures. Owing- to our rela
tively. shallow ; harbor entrances and
channel ways the element of a safe work
ing' draught must •be added to the other
controlling-factors In an examination or
the problem. v ' .