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INTERVIEWS WITH EMINENT ANIMALS
BY A.\THOI*Y 11. EVWHH
(Btfitor'a note. —If you don't believe
an animal can talk—that is, in his
own particular way— there , ! no use
of your reading what follows. These
articles were written far true believers
«»T WOULD like to see Balds- Anthro-
I poplthlcus Calvus of East Africa,
please," I rattled off glibly, for I had
the blue book just under my arm. I fol
lowed the manager down the narrow
alleyway to the rear of Baldy's house,
lie jiggled the lock, when appears mine
host's face at the little glass window
to see who the jiggler might be, and
now a back jump, a slapping of hands
on the floor, a clap, a leapfrog spring ,
through the air and both hands come
biffing kerchunk on the wall right in
front of you, all of whtch means, "It's
all right, open up."
You open the door and there stands
Baldy, hla hands outstretched to wel
come you, not the limp, loose, codfllp
per kind, but the real clutch, the high
sign of the thirty-third degree primate.
and the next thing you know he's
started to pull you into the cage.
"Oh, really, really—thank you very
kindly, but—" To think I'd made such
an instantaneous hit was flattering in
deed, and to be received into the
bosom of his family most gratifying,
"But what?" said Baldy, still tugging
at my two hands.
"But why do you want me up there?"
knowing I had to finish the "but"
with something. Baldy grinned a
chimpanzeetical grin, his eyes almost
"Why, don't you / think you've as
much right here as I have?"
"No; I don'ti" I said emphatically.
Physiognomieally I am not exactly per
fect myself; still I like to be allowed
to draw my own lines.
"One of his jokes," said Engeholm,
rolling him on his back and tickling ,
a lot of wheesy chimp giggles out of
him. "You old chump of a chimp,
what's the matter with you? Don't
you know this man has come to In
"Oh, why didn't he say so, then?
Interview! Surest thing you know."
And he stuck out his scrawny clutch
again to seal the compact.
"Come, where will we go—into my
private room?" Baldy's private room
was at the end of the alleyway.
"Excuse me a moment, please," and
when we next saw Baldy he was ar
rayed in his new blue suit, stripes
down the trousers, and cap to match.
"Now, before we begin to talk may
be you'd like to see me do something.
Keys there, Engy?" Keys in dozens
that looked as like as grains of sand.
Baldy jiggled them In my face.
"Watch me!" Picking one out, he
fitted ft into the door and turned it.
"You nee," he said, turning around
abruptly, "most animals do their stunts
by cues. I have a brain—l reason.
Try it again? Oh, very well!" Again
he shook the bunch, picked out the
winner and fitted it In successfully.
"And now proceed," he said, Jump
ing: on a chair beside me. H~e reached
out for Engy's pipe. Engry wiped it
oil and handed it over. Baldy took
several puffs, wiped off the mouthpiece
again and handed it back.
"I just did that to show you I was
a< gentleman," he said, with a wink.
"However, proceed, we're losing time."
("Tell me about your life," I said.
"Objectively or subjectively?"
' "Oh, just generally."
''Well, you see," he said, marking on
the floor with his toe, "It's all a matter
of compromise. You give up one thing,
and you gain another. I was just a
Urat when I came here, when I gave
up the simple life and my wicked
ways—vegetables, eggs, anything I
could steal near habitations. Stealing
wasn't wicked then, for my conscience
wasn't developed. Here it's different;
you live In a world of reason. When
yon get whipped there's a reason—you
may not get it at first, but it comes
to you after you think It out. No
matter how starving we were, we
wouldn't touch the food that Engy
puts in front of us till he tells us to
go ahead. Why? Because we're gen
"You saw the word Primates over
the door as you came in; that's us,
first families of the Bronx! You see,
I'm a Primate, you're a Primate—just
a chance that gave you the start of
us. But I'm coming along, I learn
something new in our kindergarten
here each day."
"How about swallowing the box of
matches that gink gave you?" I asked.
C. Baldy winced, but he quickly right
"When we want to find out about a
thins we taste It. If it tastes good
we go ahead, and take the conse
quences. That time, as the public
knows, I took some consequence*?, and
now we will say no more about it."
"Mister, please let Ualdy out," at
this moment came from the roadway
outside the window.
"Some of my constituents'—the bunch
is in front of my place now, waiting
for me. You see, I have a bigger house
than the rest, and all to myself. They
say I rough house too much for the
others. Maybe so, but no harm meant.
Just got to slam around and let it out,
you Huqw, to kfcep up with my men
tality. "And it goes down with the
crowd all right. You ought to see
THE SAN FRANCISCO CALL, SATURDAY, OCTOBER 5, 1912.—THE JUNIOR CAU;.
them laugh at the things I do. Aβ a
matter of fact," and he leaned over
confidentially, grinning from ear to
ear, "they think of electing me presi
dent here, and if they do you just
First Arrest by Telegraph
The first case of a criminal being:
brought to justice by means of the
electric telegraph took place a few
months after the extension of the sys
tem to Slough In 1844, says the Rail
way Magazine. A murder had been
committed at Salt Hill, and upon bear
ing of the occurrence the vicar of
Upton-cum-Chalvey, Rev. E. T.
Champnes, was informed that the last
person seen to leave the house was a
man wearing the dress of a Quaker.
Champnes at once conceived the Idea
that the suspected person had prob
ably fled to London, and, acting upon
this suspicion, hastened to Slough sta
tion, where a man answering to the
description was seen by the vicar to
pass through the booking office. Com
municating his suspicions to Station
Superintendent Howell, the latter
caused a telegram to be sent off.
Thifj is the telegram which raced
(and beat) the train to Paddington:
"A murder has been committed at Salt
Hill and the suspected murderer was
seen to take a first class ticket for
London by the train which left Slough
at 7:42 p. m. He is in the garb of a
Quaker, with a brown great-coat
which reaches nearly down to his feet;
he is in the last compartment of the
second first class carriage."
The following reply was received
"The up train has arrived and a
person answering in every respect the
description given by telegraph came
out of the compartment mentioned. I
pointed the man out to Sergeant Wil
liams. The man got into a New Itoad
omnibus and Sergeant Williams into
The New road referred to I 3 the
present Euston road.
It is but fair to add that the mis
creant, who proved to be a forger
returned from a 21 years* transporta
tion, had already been discarded by
the Society of Friends. The prisoner,
Tawell by name and once a well known
city man, was committed to jail at
Aylosbury and finally suffered the ex
treme penalty of the law.
watch me! Got to go now. Goodby,
old chap, and, say, give us a square
deal in this wrlteup, won't you? We
do suffer so from those awful prints
they sometimes use." In another mo
Buffalo Robes Fast Passing
Out In western Kansas one still fre
quently sees an old plainsman drive
into town covered with a buffalo over- '
coat or a buffalo lap robe in winter,
says the Kansas City Journal. How
ever, buffalo robes are becoming very
scarce and in a few years they will
There was a time when Kansas fur
nished buffalo robes for the world. No
well regulated family on an eastern
farm was without one. They were not
only very warm, but reasonable in
It was the Kaw Indians who first"
marketed buffalo robes. Later, manu
facturers, seeing the vast profit In
them, made them by the thousands and
supplied the world. But the manufac
tured or patent tanned robes didn't last
as long as the robes tanned by the
Indians. In fact, it Is said that the
robes now in service were those tanned
by these Indians many years before
the white men began to tan them.
The Indian women did the tanning , .
They fastened the green hides to a set
of frames just like grandmother used
to fasten her quilts to when she made
them. The squaw would then take a
blunt implement resembling a hoe and
work off all the flesh and membrane
from the hide.
They called it "fleehlngr." Then they
would rub the skin for several days
with a heavy, smooth surfaced club
until all the grease had been driven
out of the hMe. They used no chem
icals at all 'n *arming. Only hides
from buffaloes klhed late in the winter
were used in making robes, as the fur
was then heaviest.
Before the Kaws threw the robes on
the market they used them in making
moccasins and winter clothing - , also for
covering their tepees. But when a
market was established for them an<l
the Indians would get real money or
real food or real whisky for them, buf
falo tepees soon disappeared from the
rnent there was a cheer from the outer
room and a banging of iron trapeze
bars against the walls of the cage.
Baldy was keeping up with his men
Shutting Off the Oratory
The most nervous person at the ban
quet was a young journalist who had
been invited to make a speech, says the
Popular Magazine. He did not enjoy
the food. From coup to nuts he con
tinually brushed his brow with the
back of hie hand in a dazed manner
and put his handkerchief into every
pocket In his clothes, one after the
other, in systematic and painful rapid
ity. He was seated next to Joseph G.
Cannon, who knows all there I* , to
know about going to banquets and be
ing bored by the speeches that come
afterward. ' The young man full of
ideas and language. Jumped to his feet
as if he had been shot out of a gun
when his turn came. He looked like
somebody who had been hypnotized and
thrown into a cataleptic state.
"Gentlemen," he began, "it is my
humble opinion that the generality of
mankind in general is disposed to take
advantage of the generality of "
"Sit down, son," cut 'n Uncle Joe.
"You have gone into the game hole
you started from."
And that ended the speech.
An Oak Mine
Mines of wood are found in the south
of Russia, says Harper's Weekly, where
they were discovered very recently
when the bed of a rirer was dragged.
Not very deep In the earth, but cover
ing? an extent of 200 square kilometers,
a forest of oaks was found where it
had been burled by some unknown cat
aclysm centrlos ago. The wood is In
perfect preservation. The man who
found the entombed forest has drawn
from his mine many trunks of trees
measuring from 40 to 60 meters high
and at least 18 inches in diameter. The
mine is worth a fortune, for the wood
13 of the first quality and as a result
of its long rest underground it has
taken the most varied colors, ranging
from dark bfown to pale rose, and run
ning through Jill the shades of blue an.l
yellow. One hundred and fifty thousand
of the fcSCteat oaks have been turned
over to the cabinet makers.