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MONEY, MONEY, WHAT IS MONEY?
Wise Oracles Unable to Agree on Answer
Attorney Samuel M, Shortridge defines money
as "nothing,* , but the dictionary does not agree with
him. Neither do several citizens of San Francisco.
Some of them even go so far as to think that money
talks, that it makes the mare go, that it is the root of
all evil, that it performs all kinds of things. Some of
them decline to commit themselves on the subject.
Others speak haltingly about it, as if it were something
unfamiliar, uncanny. Weird, mysterious. Some would
fain dismiss it as something trivial, hardly worth a
moment's attention, while others yet seem to think it is
really a necessary factor of life, liberty and the pur
suit of happiness.
What is money anyway?
Attorney Shortridge has stirred up the animals. The
SUPERVISOR ADOLF KOSHLAND,
chairman of aupplle* committee <
"Money is the root of all evil, but
everybody seems to be digging for
that root. It U the hardest thing
to get, especially out of the
finance committee. They used to
cay. Money makes the mare go, ,
but nowadays it Is, 'Autos make
the money go, , "
GEORGE LULL, naatatant city at
torney: "I am not in the habit of
giving curbstone opinions on such
important questions. Money is le
gal tender. That is why our legal
lights have such a tender regard
REGISTRAR ZEMASTSKYi "I am
quite pure it has nothing to do
MARIUS J. KAST, clerk of tbe ■«
pervlaors; "Personally, I rather
SUPERVISOR HAYDEN, chairman
of the publicity committee and
bosß of the municipal band:
"Money makes music. The more
money the more music. I wish
we had enough for two municipal
bands. I believe in perfect har
mony, and next to that produced
by the city musicians there is
nothing sweeter than the sound
of $2 Jingling where only one
Jingled before. Like John Talt, I
believe that a man's appetite for
money should not Impair his ap
petite for good food. Drop in on
your way down to the ferry."
W. W. HANCOCK, elevator man, city
hall: "Don't worry about us. Wβ
have our ups and downs, but we
always get our pay."
GAVIN McNABj "Money is the only
thing '~ life that confers nothing
until we part with it. The found
ers of this republic, in order to ,
insure industry and frugality,
placed a beautiful f.gcr* of a
woman on the dollar, and all men
have been pursuing the lady ever
J. T. McMIIXAN, United State*
hydrographlc office: "What's
money? Show me some and per
haps I can tell you."
A FRIEND: "Call around Tuesday.
I will have it sure."
TERENCE LEAHY, who placed tbe
race* In Joareat "They say money
is what makes the mare go, but
it's the other way. The mare
makes the money go. It did mine,
ANDREW CARNEGIE and JOHN D.
ROCKEFELLER have wired that
they decline to be interviewed,
adding- that they do not see what
interest the public has in money
LEAGUE URGES TORPEDO
BOATS BE BUILT HERE
Declaring that the encouragement of
the shipbuilding industry of the Pacific
coast is of national importance and
stating that the slightly higher cost of
construction and repairing of warships
in the west is more than offset by the
advantages of having quicker delivery,
the Home Industry league of California
yesterday sent a telegram to Secretary
of the Navy Meyer asking that the con
tract for new torpedo boats be awarded
to the Union Iron works of San Fran
cisco. The telegram follows:
Representing large interests, we
respectfully and earnestly ask that
the contract for torpedo boats be
awarded to the Union Iron works,
San Francisco. We believe it is of
national importance that the ship
building industry of- the Pacific
coast be supported and encouraged
to enlarge and modernize their fa
rillties as a measure of public
safety, so that in time of urgent
necessity «uch great plants may
fne utilized by the navy department
in building and repairing warships.
. Economic conditions, higher cost
of living, etc., make a slightly
higher price necessary on this
coast, but we are convinced that
this is more than offset by the ad
vantages of having quicker deliv
ery on the Pacific coast, not to
mention the experience our people
will obtain in turning out quickly
work up to government standard,
which possible in the future may
be much more important than any
difference in the first cost of build
We fe#l convinced that you will
be in harmony with the foregoing
views and that you will go as far
us you legally can in supporting
the builders of the glorious battle
ship Oregon and other ships that
have been a credit to their builders.
The message was signed by A. C.
Rulofson. president, and David IT. Wal
ker, acting secretary of the league.
NOVEL HOLIDAY EVENT
PnpilM and Teacher* of Garfield Pri
mary School Plan Entertainment
Th* teachers and p v.plls of the Gar
fteld rrfmary school, in Filbert street
near Kearny, are preparing for a novel
exhibition to be given December 19. It
is to be in the nature of a Christmas
festival, in which 900 pupils will take
part, many of them to appear in cos
tumee of different European countries.
The program wJll be made up of num
bers illustrative of the Kris Kringle
customs in all parts of Europe and the
CALIFOR3TIAXS HV ILLINOIS
Th second annual dinner of the Cal
ifornia society of Illinois will be held
In Chicago, Marshall day, January 24,
71>13, according to an announcement
received by the San Francisco Cham
ber of Commerce, and every Callfornian
who can find it convenient to be in
the Illinois city that day is assured a
hearty welcome. The local Chamber
of Commerce expects to distribute at
tractive literature, advertising San
Francisco and California to the for
mer residents of the Golden state on
GOMPERS , O. K. GOES TO TAFT
WASHINGTON, Nov. SO.—Samuel
Gompers, president of the American
Federation of Labor, and Frank Mor
rison, its secretary, today recommended
to President Taft the appointment of
John B. Lennon, treasurer, and James
O'Connell, third vice president of the
Federation, to the industrial commis
fact is that he is a discoverer. He has discovered a
subject upon which opinions can not agree. But he
has not explored his field. He has got us going and
now he leaves us. We all thought we knew what money
was and now find that we don't know anything of the
kind. We always thought that when we made a hur
ried touch we owed the touchee something. Attorney
Shortridge says we dont; that we owe nothing, which
is comforting — until we are touched ourselves.
Anyhow, the dictionary and the encyclopedia are
out of it. They help us not at all. Money itself has
been known to be helpful, in isolated instances, but it
does not help us to know what it is. The whole thing
LIST TQ THE ORACLES
What is money? Listen — -
CAPTAIN LOUIS H. TURNER, ma
rine surveyor, Fireman* Fund Iβ
»iiranrc company i "I think money
Itself is a good thing. They say
money Is the root of all evil, but
I don't believe it. It's the use
you put money to that counts."
JOHN H. SWIFT, runner** mate,
United State* navy: "Moneys
the same as old nails as long as
you carry it in your pocket. It's
just what you buy when you
SUPERVISOR OSCAR HOCKS i
"Money is the source of great
happiness and great misery as
well. The millionaire is unhappy,
trying to take care of his money,
invest it wisely and see that no
one gets it away from him. The
poor man is wishing to get a lit
tle money and he isn't happy.
Health and happiness are worth
more than money. I have always
said that and thought it"
MRS. E. G. DENNISTONt "Money
is something rather, important,
but it isn't everything by any
means. If we have nothing but
money to build on, it is a very
poor foundation. However, it is a
very useful commodity."
SANTA CXAUS: "Don't bother me
now. I'm busy. Come around
after Christmas. Maybe you
won't ask me then what money
is. You'll ask what it was."
PETER B. KYNE, novellet: "It's
r short story. My name is Irish
for 'coin" and I stay with my
name, but it doesn't etay with
DR. GUIDO E. CAGLIERI, *uper
vlsort "I hate the filthy lucre.
Where do you keep it?"
TIV KRELIXG, sergeant at arms
for the eupervlaore, and athlete:
"Money doesn't count on my Job.
If a rich man and a poor man
both started a disturbance dur
ing a meeting of the board I
would bounce the rich man first.
Money talks, and he would most
likely want to stop and argue. I
would be compelled to use the
most forcible argument on him.
I would like to have enough
money so that if I ever got eick
I could go to St. Mary's hospital,
where it would be a pleasure to
have my health restored under
the tender mercies of so many
pretty nurses. I think lam get
ting a bad cold now. Yes, I am
a bachelor, but still have hope."
THOMAS CROWLEY, Crowley Tu«
boat company: "I don't know
what it is. It isn't money we're
After Seeing Plays Judge Decides
Accusation of Plagiarism
NEW YORK, Nov. SO.—A suit brought
against David Belasco and William de
MiHe. alleging plagiarism in a play
produced by them, was thrown out by
Judge Holt in the federal court today.
Abraham Goldknopf, a playwright,
brought the charge. To enable Judge
Holt to decide whether the two plays
were similar both were staged espe
cially for him in a local theater one
day this week.
NEGRO IS LYNCHED IX GEORGIA
GORDELE. Ga., Nov. 30.—Chestley
Wniiams, a negro, who shot two white
women near Rhine and assaulted one
of them, was dragged from the court
house at Mcßae by a mob today and
HOW TO PRESERVE YOUTH AND BEAUTY.
One jreat secret of youth and beauty for the young woman or the mother ia
the proper understanding of her womanly system and well-being. Every woman,
young or old, should knew herself and her physical make up. A good way to
arrive at this knowledge is to get a good doctor book, such for instance, as "The
People's Common Sense Medical Adviser," by R. V. Pierce, M. D., which can
readily be procured by sending thirty-one cents for cloth-bound copy, addressing
Dr. Pierce, at Buffalo, N. Y.
The womanly system is a delioate machine which oan only be compared to the in*
tricate mechanism of a beautiful watch which will keep in good running order only
with good oare and the proper oiling at the right time, so that the delicate mech
anism may not be worn out. Very many time* young women
/ * et or **** their time through ignorance and
/dm \ the improper handling of this human mechanism. Mental
WL \ depression, a confused head, backache, headache, or hot
\ flashes and many symptoms of derangement of the womanly
flfljl fffipl \ system can be avoided by a proper understanding of what to
1 do, in those trying times that coaee to all women.
\ $r Mrs. G. H. Williams, of Lyimhayen, Vs., wrote: "It Iβ six years
i / since my health rave way. I had female trouble aad all the doc bar«
J>yoUr / (I employed three) **id I would die. I was net able to do my werk.
\ j jm /A*- v / had to hire someone all the thne. Finally, 1 read in the paper* abeat
\ S vJK»/ L / r - Pierce'e Favorite Prescription, and decided te try It. I had not
\ ( Wγ A / taken bat one bottle until I found it had done me β-oed. I took, ia all,
V /■ S/ five bottles of 'Favorite Prescription , aad two of Golden Medical
-Js Discovery,' and now 1 ant able to do all my housework, and have earned
fourteen pounds. I advise all women who suffer from female trouble
lilts. Williams. te try your Favorite Prescription.' It's the only medicine on earth."
YOUR SOUR, GASSY, UPSET STOMACH
WILL FEEL FINE IN FIVE MINUTES
"Really does" put bad stomachs In order—"really does" overcome indiges-!
tlon, dyspepsia, gas, heartburn and sourness in five minutes—that—just that
makes Pape's Diapepsin the largest selling stomach regulator in the world. If
what you eat ferments into stubborn lumps, you belch gas and eructate sour,
undigested food and acid; head is dlzy and aches; breath foul; tongue coated;
your insides filled with bile and indigestible waste, remember the moment Dia
pepsin comes in contact with the stomach all such distress vanishes. It's truly
astonishing—almost marvelous, and the Joy is in its harmlessness.
I iDi aplpsinlF fillj
J MAKES DISORDERED STOMACHS -'jfiSJlfr jk iMT^T
Bfcf ._ . . __-_ \mW*Sml. \J
LARGE 50 CENT CASE-ANY DRUG STORE. \spßß*W.™W™»^
THE BAN FRANOIBCO CALL, SUNDAY, DECEMBER 1, 1913,
SUPERVISOR HENRY PAYOTi "The
trouble with money is that none
of us ever have enough of it. It
taint right to take if it is tainted,
and still, if it taint tainted it
taln't enough. We are building:
an incinerator to burn everything ,
but money. Coin goes up In
smoke without much assistance.
Our new billboard ordinance will
bring down the billboards, but
board bills are ever with us."
AUDITOR THOMAS BOYLEt "Why
worry about money? It is a mere
trifle. I am going to give away
$110,000 of it tomorrow, and ask
nothing in return. My only re
ward will be the happiness de
picted in the faces of the school
teachers, who will receive that lit.
tie sum in the morning, instead of
December 2, because of the holi
days. No, I am not a philan
thropist, but an auditor."
MRS. ANNIE LITTLE BARRY:
"Money is the accepted means by
which we purchase the necessities
of life and as many , of the lux
uries as posflMe."
DR. A. A. D'ANCON A, president o«
the board of educations "It builds
palaces and works of art —all
things that "add to the comfort
and happiness of the human race,
and most men are in the race to
win it. Education should teach
that money is alone the means to
the end. If taken as the end in
itself it becomes the agent of cor
CHIEF OF POLICE WHITE: "I see
so little of It I know very little
abo-ut it. We have had quite a
few guests in our Kearny street
'hotel' whom we entertained be
hind the bars for making money
in competition with Uncle Sam.
They knew too much about money.
I believe in any good man making
all the money he can so long as
he does not try to make it in his
own mint. When a man is hard
Up they say he Is pinched for
money, but I know of a few who
have been pinched for borrowing
it with a Jimmy. How's that?"
POKER JIM of Maaon Mreet: "Four
aces look very much like money
LAZARUS Eμ SEAMEY, relief hornet
"Money never talks to me. It
whispered once, but I wasn't lis
tening. I wouldn't recognize its
voice. We haven't a speaking ac
SHADE OF CAPTAIN KIDD (sepul*
chrally): "Pieces-of-eight, pieces
TWO BANDITS HOLD UP
MAN AND WIFE IN BED
Awakened by a knock on the door,
C. Martin of 18 South Park was con
fronted by two armed robbers shortly
after midnight. They ordered him to
get back In bed, and while one cov
ered the couple with a revolver, the
other went to Martin's trousers, tak
ing $18 and a watch. Aa he stood
over her with a revolver the thief,
forced Mrs. Martin to give up her wed
ding ring, and cautioning their vic
tims to make no outcry, the pair fled.
Bo Man Quan, 862 Grant avenue, was
held up by three men in Hawthorne
street and robbed of $14.
Jewelry valued at $100 was stolen
from the apartment of Mrs. C. Blum,
840 Van Ness avenue.
Burglars ransacked the room of C.
"Wilson, 1029 Golden Gate avenue, and
atole articles worth 166.
G. Rathbone, 565 Fifth avenue, re
ported the theft of jewelry valued at
$62 from his home.
A BODY BLOW
DEALT TO THE INSTALLMENT
FURNITURE SELLING BUSINESS
The public now to have an opportunity to use ''Installment Credit, ,, abused to a degree that
"Cash" instead of "Credit ,, to great advantage. almost calls for protection at the hands of the law.
The High Cost of Living as Applied to the Price of Foodstuffs Put in the Shade by the Outrageous Cost of
the Most Useful Commodity of the Human Race—PUENITURE, CARPETS, ETC.
Chief among the causes contributing to the unreasonable High Prices that prevail in San Francisco
is the "Credit" that is so liberally (?) extended.-—And while the installment houses graciously hand
you "all the credit you want" with the one hand, they cunningly blind you and abstract hard earned
money from your pocket with the other.
CASH IS THE POWER NOW
Relief From This Distressing State of Affairs Offered the Public
THEA.B. SMITH Co.
Changes its policy and becomes the only strictly Cash House in San Francisco, cutting the prices of Furniture,
Carpets, Rugs, Bedding, Draperies and Stoves,
TO SAVE YOU FROM 30 TO 50%
Before making this decided change we consulted with To successfully meet the situation, it is necessary to
bankers and other men and women of large affairs, prom- show the public with unmistakable certainty that Furniture,
inent in business, the home, society, the church and educa- Carpets, etc., can be sold for Cash at nearly 50 per cent less
tional institutions. and stm leaye a profit
They were all encouraged at the prospect of relief this „, ... , ~ ...
innovation would give the public-saving them from the f . The conditions so favorable to carrying out the new
rapacious greed for high prices in return for "Installment P°hcy are all to be found here and will be effectively
Credit," that the people could never shake off once they re- brought into play with a seventy that will be appreciated
sponded to "Your Credit Is Good." by everybody who knows the value of money.
The weapons in our hands that will work to the extraordinary benefit of the Home Furnisher are these—A tremendous stock
of goods of Quality—Sample show rooms covering the enormous area of 34,000 square feet of floor space—Extremely low rent
(only one-tenth that of any other large store)— Economical management —No collection .bureaus—No credit investigating sys
tems —No free auto rides for house hunting—
And, most important of alj—the cash in the drawer every day, which obtains for us the greatest Discounts in Price at the
Factories, from whom we buy direct, cutting out every middleman's profit.
it ever occur to you that the tremendous loss sustained by bad installment credits is fully made up by the price you
pay for installment accommodations."
; Country orders In delivering this most important message to the public, with the facts so amply "bV^v'llV
receive careful presented, we necessarily can "not give many actual illustrations of what Cash will do unknown at
attention at same here ag against t j ie "Installment game." But the prices we quote today are representa- Smith's. Every
freight prepaid to tive of the values you will find throughout the entire house. price is a special
points vithm 100 Y ou can afford now to draw your money from savings banks, sacrifice the interest, ELI?
miles from San aml stin make 30 to 50 per cent profit by buying here for cash. must i nveil \ Sate
Francisco. ___^■—■■—■■■«■———■■ ——
K/\ Magnificent Colonial Bedroom Suite, sold at $130 in any installment house. M *P#% Cft
JP /UiOU Beautifully figured Circassian walnut, high class cabinet work, massive yet 9 £ jJiOV
• CASH well proportioned in design. A wonderful value. CASH
$24.50 CASH $17.75 CASH
$40 at any Installment House % $ 30 at an y Installment House
The "Comfo" Bed Davenport—Solid oak, golden or * %j&*
fumed—genuine ivlorOCColine upholstery—opens with a The Exienmou Table—SolM oak, selected quarter-sawed, per
,. , • 1 , . , ... ' . , feet nut brown fumed finish. iS-inch top, extenda to S feet. Patent
slight single movement —large bedding receptacle. locked pedestal.
A. B. SMITH CO.
THE HOME OF LOW PRICES-WHERE IT FAYS TO PAY CASH
121-127 Golden Gate Aye. at Jones, One Block off Market St.