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BY OIIU TSAXTXX.
Thou littia oWlA. with tendar, olisfflDg armi.
Crop thy tweet hrmd, my darling, down and rest
Upon my hou1der, rest with m ujy cnarmi ;
Be soothed and comforted, be loved and blessed
ajrInrt thy (liken, hooeytolored hair
I lean loTtnfl cheek, a crate caress
Cloae, close I Rather thee and kiss thy (air
White eyelids, sleep so softly doth oppress.
Dear little bead, that Ilea In calm content
Within the gracious hollow that God made
n every human ehonlder ; where he meant
Borne tired head for comfort should be laid.
Mart like a heavy-folded rof e thou art.
In summer air reposing, warm and still.
Dream thy sweet dreams apon my quiet heart ;
I watch thy slumber, nought shall do thee 111.
OLD TIMES OX THE MISSISSIPPI.
How nark Twain Became a PIlof-A
"Ittb'i" Pxperirnces-Ulfflcnitles At
tending the .Mental Photographing of
Two Thousand Miles of River Bank.
In the February Atlantic Mark Twain
contributes the narrative of his experi
ences as " cub" pilot on the Mississippi
steamer Paul Jones. What with lying
on the rooks four days at Louisville and
some other delays, says Twain, the poor
old Paul Jones fooled away about two
weeks going from Cincinnati to New
Orleans. This gave me a chance to get
acquainted with one of the pilots, and
he taught me how to steer the boat, and
thus made the fascination of river life
more potent than ever for me.
It also gave me a chance to get ac
quainted with a youth who had taken
deck passage more's the pity ; for he
easily borrowed six dollars from me on
a promise to return to the boat and pay
it back to me the day after we should
arrive. But he probably died or forgot,
for he never came. It was doubtless
the former, since he has said his parents
were wealthy, and he only traveled deck
passage because it was cooler.
I soon discovered two things. One
was that a vessel would not be likely to
sail for the mouth of the Amazon under
ten or twelve years ; and the other was
that the nine or ten dollars still left in
my pocket would not suffice for bo im
posing an exploration as I had planned,
even if I could afford to wait for a ship.
Therefore, it followed that I must con
trive a new career. The Paul Jones
was now bound for St. Louis. I planned
a siege against my pilot, and at the end
of three hard days he surrendered. I
entered upon the small enterprise of
learning" twelve or thirteen hundred
miles of the great Mississippi river with
the easy confidence of my time of life.
If I had really known what I was about
to require of my faculties I should not
have had the courage to begin. I sap
posed that all a pilot had to do was to
keep his boat in the river, and I did not
consider that that could be much of a
trick, since it was eo wide.
The boat backed cut from New Or
leans at four in the afternoon, and it
was "our watch until eight. Mr.
B , my chief, " straightened her up,'
plowed her along past the sterns of the
other boats that lay at tho levee, and
then said, "Here, take her; shave
those steamships as close as you'd peel
an apple." I took the wheel, and my
heart went down into my boots ; for it
seemed to me that we were about to
scrape the side off every ship in the line,
we were so close. I held my breath and
began to claw the boat away from the
danger ; and I had my own opinion of
the pilot who had known no better than
to get us into such peril, but I was too
wise to express it. In half a minute.
I had a wide margin of safety inter
vening between the Paul Jones and the
the ships ; and within ten seconds more
I was Bet aside in disgrace, and Mr.
B was going into danger again and
flaying me alive with abuse of my cow
ardice. I was sti Jg, but I was obliged
to admire the easy cotflJence with
which my chief loafed from side to side
of his wheel, and trimmed the ships so
closely that disaster seemed ceaselessly
imminent. When he had cooled a lit
tle he told me that the easy water was
cloee ashore and the current outside,
and therefore we must hug the bank up
stream to get the benefit of the former,
and etay well out, down stream, to take
advantage of the latter. In my own
mind I resolved to be a down-stream
pilot and leave the up streaming to
people dead to prudence.
A DULL CONVERSATION.
Now and then Mr. B called my
attention to certain things. Sud he,
" This is S'x mile point." I assented.
It was pleasant enough information,
but I could not see the bearing of it. I
was not conscious that it was a matter
of any interest to me. Another time he
said, "This is Nine Mile point." Later
he said, " This is Twelve-Mile point."
They were all about level with the
water's edge ; they all looked about
alike to me ; they were monotonously
unpioturesque. I hoped Mr. B
would change the subject. But no ; he
would crowd up around a point, hug
ging the shoro with sff. ction, and then
say: "The Mack water ends here,
abreast this bnnch of China trees ; now
we cross over." So he crossed over.
He gave mc the wheel once or twice,
but I had no luck. I either came'near
chipping off the edge of a sugar plan
tation, or else I yawed too far from
shore, acd so I dropped back into dis
grace again and got abused.
SOMETHING LIKE WORK.
The watch was ended at last, and we
took supper and went to bed. At mid
night the glare of a lantern shone in my
eyes and the night watchman said :
" Come, turn out I"
And then he left. I could not un
derstand this extraordinary procedure,
sol presently gave up trying to and
dozed off to sleep. Pretty soon the
watchman was bock again, and this time
he was gruff. I was annoyed. I said :
" What do you want to come bother
ing around here in the middle of the
night for? Now as like as not I'll not
get to sleep again to-night."
The watchman said :
"Well, if this ain't good I'm blest.
The " off watch" was jnst turning in,
and I heard some brutal laughter from
them, and such remarks as, " Halloa,
watchman ; ain't the new cub turned
out jet? He's delicate, likely. Give
him some sugar in a rag and send for
the chambermaid to sing rock-a-bv-baby
About this time Mr. B appeared
on the scene. Something like a minute
later I was climbing the pilot-house
6teps, with some of my clothes on and
the rest in my arms. Mr. B was
close behind, commenting. Here was
something fresh this thing of getting
np in the middle of the night to go to
work. It was a detail in piloting that
bad never occurred to me at all. I knew
that boats ran all night, but, somehow,
I had never happened to reflect that
s mebody had to get up out of a warm
bed to run them. I began to fear that
piloting waa not quite so romantio as I
imagined it was ; that there was some
thing very real and work-like about
thi new phrase of it.
A FINK POINT.
It was rather a dingy night, although
a fair number of stars were out. The
By HORSLEY BEOS. &
big mate was at the wheel, and he had
the old tub pointed at a star, and was
holding her straight up the middle of
the river. The shores on either hand
were not much more than a square
mile apart, but they seemed wonder
fully far away and ever so vague and in
distinct. The mate said :
"We've got to land at Jones' planta
The vengeful spirit in me exulted. I
said to myself, I wish you joy for your
job, Mr. B. ; you'll have a good time
finding Mr. Jones' plantation such a
night as this; and I hope you never
will find it as long as you live.
Mr. B. said to the mate :
" Upper end of the plantation or the
" I can't do it. The stumps there are
out of the water at this stage. It's no
great distance to the lower, and youH
have to get along with that."
" All right, air. If Jones don't like
it be'll have to lump it, I reckon."
And then the mate left. My exulta
tion began to cool and my wonder to
come up. Here was a man who not
only proposed to find this plantation
on such a night, but to find either end
of it you preferred. I dreadfully
wanted to ask a question, but I was
carrying about as many short answers
as my cargo-room would admit of, so I
held my peace. All I desired to ask
Mr. B was the simple question
whether he was ass enough to really
imagine he was going to fiad that plan
tation on a night when all plantations
were exactly alike and all the same
color. But I held in. I used to have
fine inspirations of prudence in those
Mr. B made for the shore and
soen wa3 scraping it just the same as if
it had been daylight. And Lot only
that, but singing
" Father in heaven the day is declining," eto.
It seems to me that I had put my life
in the keeping of a peculiarly reckless
AN ENRAGED PHOT,
Presently he turned on me and said :
"What's the name of the first point
above New Orleans ?"
I was gratified to be able to answer
promptly, and I did. I said I didn't
This manner jolted me. I was down
at the foot igain in a moment. But I
had to say just what I had said before.
" Well, you're a smart one' said Mr.
B . " What's the name of the next
point ? "
Once more I did not know.
"Well, thia beats anything. Tell
mo the name of any point or place I
I studied awhile, and decided that I
"Look-a here! What do you start
out from, above Twelve-Mile point, to
cross over ? "
" I I don't know."
"You you don't know?" mimick
ing my drawling manner of speech.
" What do you know ? "
I I nothing, for certain."
" By the great Caesar's gho6t, I be
lieve you I You're the stupidest dun
derhead I ever saw or ever heard of, so
help me Moses ! The idea of you
being a pilot you! Why, you don't
know enough to pilot a cow down a
Oh, but his wrath was up ! He was a
nervous man, and he shuffled from one
side of his wheel to the other as if
the floor was hot. He would boil
awhile to himself, anil then overflow
and rcald me again.
"Look-a-here ! What do you suppose
I told you the names of those points
I tremblingly considered a moment,
and then the devil of temptation pro
voked me to say :
" Well to to be entertaining, I
This was a red rag to the bull. Ho
raged and stormed bo (he was crossing
the river at the time) that I judged it
made him blind, because he ran over
the steering oar of a trading scow. Of
course the traders sent up a volley of
red-hot profanity. Never was a man
so grateful as Mr. B was ; because
he was brim full, and here were subjects
who would talk back. He threw open
a window, thrust his head out, and such
an eruption followed as I never had
Leird before. The fainter and farther
away the scowmen's curses drifted, the
higher Mr. B lifted his voice, and
the weightier his adjectives grew.
When he closed the window he was
empty. You could have drawn a seine
through his system and not caught
curses enough to disturb your mother
with. Presently he eaid to me in the
gentlest way :
"My boy, you must get a little memorandum-book,
and every time I tell
you a thing, put it down right away.
There's only one way to be a pilot, and
that is to get this entire river by heart.
You have to know it just like A B C."
That was a dismal revelation to me ;
for my memory was never loaded with
any thing but blank cartridges. How
ever, I did not feel discouraged long.
I judged that it was best to make some
allowances, for doubtless Mr. B
Presently he pulled a rope, and struck
a few strokes on the big bell. The
stars were all gone now, and the night
was as black as ink. I could hear the
wheels churn along the bank, but I was
not entirely certain that I could see the
shore. The voice of the invisible
watchman called up from the hurricane
"What's this, sir?"
" Jones plantation."
I said to myself, I wish I might ven
ture to offer a small bet that it isn't.
But I did not chirp. I only waited to
see. Mr. B , handled the engine
bells, and in due time the boat's nose
came to the land, a torch glowed from
the forecastle, a man skipped ashore, a
darky's voice on the bank said, "Gim
me de carpet-bag, Mars Jones," and
the next moment we were standing np
the river again, al! serene, I reflected
deeply awhile, and then said but not
aloud well, the finding of that planta
tion was the luckiest accident that ever
happened ; but it oonldn't happen again
in a hundred years. And I fully be
lieved it was an accident, too.
By the time we had gone seven or
eight hundred miles up the river, I had
learned to be a tolerable plucky up
stream steers-man in daylight, and be
fore we reached St. Louis I had made
a trifle of progress in night-work, but
only a trifle. I had a note-book that
fairly bristled with the names of towns,
" points," bars, islands, bends, reaches,
eta; but the information was to be
found only in the note-book none of
it was in my head. It made my heart
ache to think I had only got half of
the river set down; for aa our watch
was four hours off. and four hours on,
day and night, there was a long four-
hours gap in my book for every time I
had slept since the voyage began.
A Lost Babe,
HOW A CALIFORNIA MOTHER WHO WOULD
DANCE WAS BADLY SCARED.
A ball was given at Camptonville,
Yuba county, Cal., on New Year's Eve,
which was attended by a certain lady
who resides some distance from that
place She had a baby that could not
ba left at home. Arriving at Campton
ville early in the evening with her
baby, she put up at the Globe hotel,
kept by one Jones. She told Jones she
was desirous of attending the ball if
she could find some one who would
take care of her baby. Jones, being an
accommodating fellow, proposed that
he would "father" the "young 'un"
ad interim. The lady accepted the
offer with joy, and putting the baby to
sleep, laid it down gently in Jones'
bed, and then went to the ball. Up to
midnight Jones made frequent visits to
the room, to attend to the wants of his
precious charge. From that hour the
babe, so far as Jones or its mother was
concerned, was left alone, for Jones fell
a victim to sleep. It happened, how
ever, that a stage-driver was asleep in
a room nearly oppasite to the one oc
cupied by the babe. About one o'clock
a. m. says the North San Juan Times,
the babe began to cry fearful Ij, and to
appease it the stage driver took it to
his own bed, and kept it quiet the re
mainder of the night. Ho was up and
off by daybreak, before the mother had
returned from the ball, and before any
one was stirring in the house, leavirg
the babe fast asleep in his own bed.
An hour later the ball broke up, and
the mother returned to the hotel. She
went straight to Jones' room to see her
babe. Lo ! and behold ! it wasn't there
neither was Jones. Soon the whole
house was in an uproar, and search was
made for the missing babe, but all in
vain, in tne meantime the whole town
was startled by the information that a
child had been stolen and carried away.
Finally, it waa remembered that the
stage-driver had slept in the house that
night, and that possibly he might know
something about the missing child. He
was telegranhed to on the subject, to
Downieville,'and in the couiee of a few
minutes a reply was received from him,
which read as follows : "Frank Ramp-
pin : You will find the child in my bod
at the hotel." On the reception of the
telegram the mother rushed frantically
to the stage-driver's room and found
her precious babe lying in his bed fast
asleep. Nearly everybody in Campton
ville got drunk that day rejoicing over
The Nevada Bonanza.
The United States steps to the front
in the silver-mine business. The fa
mous Nevada bonanza will, if its yield
equals the estimate, surpass that of any
other mine in the history of the world.
In comparisons made between the devel
oped richness of the NevaJa mines and
that of other famous argentiferous de
posits the former rate far ahead. The
total yield of the Mexican silver mines
from the conquest to the present time
has been figured at S3 300.0IX). The
great Mexican bonanza during three
centuries yielded $300,000,000, but this
represented a group of mines of Gaan
ajuato, of which the Yalencianna, the
richest, has as its greatest yield in a
year $1,600,000. The greatest yearly
productions of the Potosi mines of Bo
livia have been about 2,250,000. The
richest silver-bearing district of Europe,
that of Freiburg, in Saxony, containing
one hundred and fifty mines, only gives
a total yield of about $1,000,000. The
maximum annual product of the Sierra
Almagrer and Hiendelencina silver mines
of Spain was only about $550,000, while
the greatest yield of the silver mines of
Konigsberg, Norway, in any one year,
was only a quarter of a million dollars.
Reforming A Puj 'ose.
Mrs. St. John Eckel, Maria Monk's
daughter, gives the following account
of tho successful reformation of her
pug nose: "One of the first things
my sister had said, on seeing me, was,
' But where is your pug nose ?' ' It is
gone,' I replied ; but I did not tell her
how it had gone. I will here make the
confession to the reader. At night I
would take a long string and fasten it
around my face, drawing it so tightly
around the tip of my nose that I could
hardly breathe through my nostrils.
During the day I used to pull cn the
nose. In two years I succeeded, and
the pug disappeared. How much did I
not suffer for this vanity ?"
Divorces in England. The increase
in the business of the divorce court is
rather alarming. In 1870 the court an
nulled 154 marriages ; in 1871 the num
ber was 176 ; in 1872 it rose to 173, and
last year it was 215. U one will reflect
that before the divorce court was estab
lished the number of divorocs obtained
in England was scarcely five per year,
acd that domestio life was then far more
pure than it is now, he may estimate
for himself the value of this especial
invention of " human progress." I sup
pose that if a law were passed by which
parents might kill their children under
certain circumstances, the number of
babies put to death would increase
steadily year after year.
Persons who may have inclined to the
belief that Dickenp, in the exuberance of
his imaginative ideas, created the names
given to many of his characters will
probably be encouraged to believe
otherwise by pursuing the following list
of brokers, now doing business in the
city of London, as printed in a recent
edition of the London Times : Clement
Coney Butlin Morris, John Alexander
Petrooocnino, Tom Edward Wilkins
Thomas, Temple Hillyard Hicks Soanes,
Edward Hudson Blower Smith, Norman
Percy Miles Trosou, and Spiridion
MAJOR MUDD'S MURDER,
BY JUDGE CLARK.
Old De Bruin was a leader of the
stockocracy a " bear," moreover. He
had faith in nothing but financial total
depravity. His bump of reverence was
a concavity. Like Capt. Symmes, he
believed in the hollowness of the world
not only of this world, but all others,
including the next. He would have
sold stock in the whole of them " short.
The final bankruptcy of the universe
was a cardinal article of his creed, and
he didn't believe the assets would pay
over fifty per cent.
He had a daughter " Pet." The best
that can be said of her is that she didn't
take after her father ; for Pet was a beau
ty, and didn't care a picayune whether
Bash Preferred went up or down.
I met Pet at one of our fashionable
sea-sides, and, to out a long story short,
fell in love with her and told her so.
She said neither "yes" nor "no
when I popped the question, but hnng
her pretty head and asked for time, as
her father might have done in case of
the "bulls" having a temporary ad
vantage in the market.
I soon found that another was the
real stumbling-block. It always is an
other, who, in spite of what the prayer
book says, is wickedly putting asunder
those whom Heaven would join together.
Another, in this instance, was a fat
Broad-street broker, old enough to be
Pet's father, and so like the latter that
the two might have been cubs of the
the same litter. He was called Major
Mudd ; and to him, it seems, old De
Bruin had, some time before, hypothe
cated hia daughter.
Pet had no great liking for the major.
What woman ever had for a man old
enough to be her father unless it was
her father ? I waa near her own ago,
and well I'll not flatter myself.
The upshot of it wa3 that Pet and I
made up our minds to run away and get
married she confiding in paternal
affection for final forgiveness, and I in
the old gentleman's ultimate discovery
that he couldn't help himself.
Mi. De Brnin watched his daughter
like a hawk. He evidently suspected
something. How to carry out our plan
became, from day to day, a more per
plexing question, The old fellow's
eye was on our outgoings and incom
ings. He would tap at his daughter's
door, at the most unexpected seasons,
under pretense of making thi3 or that
irrelevant inquiry. To evade his vig
ilance would have been like giving the
slip to Argus.
A bright idea struck me. I had often
amused myself and Pet by mimicking
the mijor. I could do his voice to a
nicety ; and having had some experi
ence in private theatricals, I felt sure
that with a little stuffing and other
making up I should be able to person
ate the old hipopotamus to perfection.
The major's arrival was expected
daily, and when he came, Pet and I
knew, that with two instead of one to
watch us the execution of our scheme
would be rendered doubly difficult.
Accordingly we deteimined to bring
matters to a crisis.
It was given out that I was going
cway not to return. It being privately
understood that I was to come back the
same evening, dii-guised as the major ;
deceive Peter's father as to my identity;
carry her off at. midnight ; marry her at
the nearest minis er's ; and boldly risk
I took an austentatious leave of Mr.
De Bruin, bowed a ceremonious good
by to his daughter, and took the next
train for the city.
That evening I presented myself to
the hotel clerk, to whom I had paid my
bill in the morning, with all the dignity
of padded portliness and the frosts of
at least fifty winters silvering the locks
of my wig.
The clerk who knew the major well,
saved me the commission of downright
forgery by registering the name himself.
I spent a dull evening with Mr. De
Bruin. Pet left us early, doubtless to
prepare for our midnight flitting ; and
the old gentleman tackled me in a dis
cussion about "points " and " corners "
that fairly made my head swim, and
more than once drove me to the verge
of committing myself through ignor
ance. Bed-time came at last, and I hastened
to my room, where T threw off my dis
guise, and resnmed my usual apparel
my purpose being to quit the house
when all as quiet, meet Pet at the ap
pointed rendezvous, and convey her in
a carriage, engaged to be in waitiDg, to
the place at which the nuptial knot was
to be tied.
It is an unromantio fact to speak of in
this connection, but one which subse
quent events make it necessary to men
tion, that the excitement I was laboring
under caused my nose to bleed freely.
I had barely succeeded in stanching
it, when a glance at my watch apprised
me that I had no time to spare.
I opened my room door softly and
stepped into the hall-way.
" Ha I" exclaimed a voice.
I turned quickly and found myself
face to face with old De Bruin, who was
evidently surprised to see me coming
out of what he supposed to be the
major's apartment. He didn't stop to
parley, however, but passed by, carry
ing his chamber lamp in his hand.
I had gone but a few steps when Mr.
De Bruin rushed out, pale with alarm,
and shouting :
" Murder 1"
" Seize him I" he cried, pointing me
out to those who came in answer to his
call. " He has made away with the
major, who is nowhere to be seen, and
the floor is covered with his blood !"
The haste with which 1 was seeking
to beat a retreat, added to the proofs
against me, and I was caught and se
cured at once.
Next morning I was arraigned before
a local magistrate. I had but little to
say. Of course, I could enter into no
explanations without compromising Pet.
I could only urge that the major's body
not having been found, there was no
sufficient evidence of his murder. The
non-appearance of the corpse, however,
in the estimation of the magisterial
Dogberry, by augmenting the mystery,
only added to the horror of the crime.
Had I accounted for my presence in the
major's room at an unseasonable hour ?
Had I explained my sudden return,
after having taken a final leave of the
place in the morning? Had I cleared
TENNESSEE, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 1875.
up the blood-stains on the carpet ?
None of these had I attempted to do,
Above all, the major had been seen to
enter his room, I had been seen to come
out of it, and he had been seen no
more. It was clear a foul crime had
been committed, and who but I could
be the guilty one ?
I was fully committed to etand my
trial for willful murder, and was being
led away by an officer, when Mr. De
Bruin, who had attended as a witness,
as the crowd passed the railway-station
which was near at hand, gave a sudden
" Bless my soul 1" he exclaimed.
" How are you ?" said a portly gen
tleman, advancing to extend his hand.
The other drew back as he might
have done from a ghost.
" Wh what ! ain't you dead, major?"
Major Mudd, for the new-comer was
no other, warmly repelled the insinua
tion. Old De Brnin was completely
mystified ; and it was not till the dis
guise I had worn had been discovered,
and some other circumstances came to
light, that the truth began to dawn
I was discharged, of course ; and, on
my way to take the next departing
train, I saw Pet, on the major's arm,
promenading the veranda of the hotel.
She made a mouth at ma over her
shoulder as I passed. No woman ever
forgives a man for making her or Lim-
self ridiculous. Pet would have mar
ried me and made me a good wife, no
doubt, but for the misadventures of
that night. As it was, she married the
major, and I am still a bachelor.
In Architectural Fiasco.
INTERIOR DEFECTS OF THE PARIS GRAND
Outside, the opera is not a failure ;
inside, it is a fiasco. Some years ago,
when Baron Haussmann was remodel
ing Paris, the drawings of M. Charles
Gamier, architect, were accepted for
the national opera, because it entered
admirably into the general plan. The
center of Paris, the junction of so
many fine boulevards, had to have a
grand monument, and the enormous
building planned by Gamier was ao
cepced b M. Haussmann. But he him
self made many changes in the plan, for
the benefit of his own plan, for the
streets to center at the Place de
l'Opera. Gamier changed his model
and estimated the cost of his building
at some twenty million francs. But
forty-three millions'of francs were swal
lowed up before the house was near
completion. The outside, constructed
under Baron Haussman's eye, is as fine
as anything in the world, and no coun
try can show a grander or more impos
ing structure ; but when left to himself
Gamier proved unequal to his task.
The main salle is small, squatty, if I
may use the term, badly lighted, badly
constructed, and with boxes very badly
disposed ; everything has been sacri
ficed to two or three showy foyers
whioh are marvelous, it is true, bat not
as necessary as a good central salle.
The entrance and the grand staircase
ire also magnificent, and Taul Baudry
has decorated the foyers with some very
fine work of art ; but, beyond this, I
can say very little good of the boasted
monument of high art in France. The
boxes are narrow and there is a man
trap in the shape of a break-neck step
at the entrance of each. I must warn
all who hope to visit the opera during
the coming season to remember this
step, or they may get an ugly fall. The
gaignoircs are simply detestable, and
one might as well ba in a cellar. The
grand chandeliers shed but a gloomy
light upon the lower part of the hall,
and even the boxes on the first tier are
not as roomy or as well lighted as those
of the old opera in the line Lepelletier.
And stranger still to say, in this thea
ter, built at the expense of the entire
nation, there is absolutely no plaoe for
the people. The chicken-coop allowed
them in the loft is not even decent.
Everything has been sacrified to the
foyers, as I have before remarked, and
to the front tiers of boxes held by rich
sub cribers. It was for this reason that
the director was allowed to raise his
prices, for since Eaglish and American
visitors will occupy them on off nights,
it is necessary to make them pay as
much as possible. My first visit to the
building was a disappointment, but I
was informed that everything would be
right when the house was lighted. I
waited in patience to see the result.
My second visit wbs a still greater dis
appointment, and I must say that, in
my opinion, the salle of the imperial
opera of Vienna is infinitely superior
to this in every respect. But the grand
monde of Paris can meet in these splen
did foyers on the aristocratic nights,
and for this the foreigners in Paris are
expected to pay on the off nightf , the
prices having been raised to this end,
and for a very long time to come very
few of them will have the pleasure of
assisting on subscription nights. I
very much fear that this system will
prove a costly one. Eaglish and Amer
ican visitors may go once to see the
bouse, but they will probably keep their
money to spend elsewhere when they
find that they can only go off nights,
and see only the bourgeoisie. Paris
When people name their babies they
sh ould remember their future feelings
As a general thing, a name that has a
pleasant sound, and is neither too com
mon nor too far-fetched and romantio,
is the pleasantest to have. And it is
always better to have one that, while
admitting of a childish diminutive, will
not sound ridiculous if its bearer lives
to be an old man or woman.
At the same time, there is suoh a
thing as sticking too strictly to the
common-place, and it is not considerate
to inflict upon innocent babes their
grandfathers' names, or even their
grandmothers', if they are obsolete or
It is due to your baby to give it a
name that will not be a torment to it in
its school-days and there is nothing
like a queer name for children to make
sport with and one that will last it if
it lives to bo eighty.
Everi' daughter of the queen of
England knows how to cook and keep
house, which shows that queens are not
always devoid of sound sense.
Police Conrt Sketches.
WHEN THE PANSIES BLOOM.
"This is a case which can be celled,
tried, and disposed of inside of three
minutes," remarked his honor, as
Charles Taylor leaned on the railing
and regarded him with an appealing
" I couldn't get nothing to do," re
plied the prisoner.
" I hear you couldn't, but if I were a
young rran eighteen years old, in sound
health, and the fat on my ribs was aa
inch and a half thick, I'd find work
enough to pay for my board, or Pd slide
off the wharf and make business for a
"I've looked all around," said the
" Well, we won't argue the case.
know that work is scarce, but I also
know that there are dozens of fat loaf
ers around this town who wouldn't turn
a grindstone two hours for a week's
board. You are charged with vagrancy,
are guilty, and I'll give you sixty days.
That will let you out about the time the
pansies bloom, and if you can't find
work then I'll send you back for six
The prisoner shuffled off into the
corridor, wiping a tear from his nose, and
was so ugly that Bijah had to draw the
crowbar at him before he would sit
down on the water cooler and wait for
the Maria to drive around.
"AND HE WAS SO YOUNG,"
He was only twenty-two, and the
bloom of youth on his nose had scarcely
been eaten into by the rust of man
hood's tribulation. He was found
drank cn the sidewalk, lying on his
back, arms folded across his peaceful
breast, and the pale, cold moon cast a
snowy shadow across his face.
"Ever here before?" asked the court.
"And you feel powerful mean over
" And you won't be found in such a
situation again ?"
" Well, be very careful of your con
duct in the future, young man. You
are just budding into manhood now,
and if you are picked up drunk at
twenty-two what may not happen to
you at forty-four ? I don't advise you
to earry an icicle around in your pocKet,
or to refuse a prescription because one
of the ingredients is burnt brandy, but
as a general thing it will be best for
you to mind your own business, let in
toxicating drinks alone, and pay your
board bill in advance. This is all, sir
there's the way out."
Exclaimed some one in the audience as
the name of James Kitten was an
nounced. His honor rose up, looked around
him, sat down and said :
That remark musn't be remarked
Mr. Kitten had also been drunk. He
said tome one drugged him, but it was
pretty evident that he took the fluid in
the usual way, and that it had no more
than the usual effect on him. When
found by the officer he was hanging to
a tree-box near the city hall and shout
"Lucinda, 'fu don't open that door
111 knockyerheadoff 1"
"Mr. Kitten, such conduct is unpar
donable in a man of your years," said
his honor, "and it will be altogether
more harmonious for you if you keep
awav from me hereafter. I don't re
member having met you before, and I
don't want to see you a second time. I
can let you off this time, but if your
faded form confronts me again within a
month, I'll make it so lively for you
that sitting down on a red hot penny
will be a cool position compared to
" Am I sent up? asked the prisoner.
"No, sir you are sent out and you
can step along as soon as Bijah finds
Just before the " last man" was called
a tall, red-haired wouan wearing No. 7
shoes and a straw bonnet, and her eyes
showering out sparks of anger, attracted
the attention of the court and asked :
"Is Josephus Andrew McDuff in
Bijah dodged into the corridor, made
inquiries and then answered her in the
" Well, all I want in this world is to
get my paws on him !" ejaculated the
female, and she strode out, head np,
heels striking hard, and her brow cor
rugated until it resembled the grooves
in a washboard. The boys caught the
cue and followed her around tne comer,
Oh ! the wife of McDuff.
She8 tall and she's tuff,
And she'll make it rough
For Josephus McDuff.
Mr, and Mrs. McDuff.
Detroit Free Press.
Reasons in Natural History
Why have birds gizzards? Because,
having no teeth, the tough and fibrous
gizzards are employed to grind the
food preparatory to digestion.
Why does a black down grow under
the feather of birds as winter ap
proaches ? Because the down is a non
conductor of heat, and black the
Why have ostriches small wings?
Because, having long legs, they do not
require their wings for flight ; they are
merely used to steady their bodies while
Why cannot flesh eating animals live
on vegetables? Because the gastric
juice of a flesh-eating animal, being
adapted to the duty whioh it has to per
form, will not digest vegetable matter.
Why are there so many bodily forms
in the animal creation ? Because the
different creatures which God created
have different modes of life, and the
forms of their bodies will be found to
present a perfect adaptation to the
lives allotted to them.
Why have birds with long legs short
tails ? Because the tails of birds are
used to guide them through the air by
steerage. When birds with long legs
take to flight, they throw their legs
behind, and they then serve the same
purpose as a tail.
Why have fishes air-bladders ? Be
cause, as the density of water varies
greatly at different depths, the enlarge
ment or contraction of the bladder reg
ulates the relation of the speoifio grav
ity of the body of the fish to that of
the water in which he moves.
Why are woodpecker's tongues about
three times longer than their bills?
Because, if their bills were long they
would not bore tha tree so efficiently
and when the trees are bored," and the
insects alarmed, they endeavor to re
treat into the hollows of the wood ; but
the long, thin tongue of the wood
pecker fixes ihem on its sharp, horny
point, and draws them into the month
of the bird.
Why has the elephant a short, un
bending neck ? Because the elephant's
head is so heavy that it could not have
been supported at the end of a long
neck, or lever, without a provision of
immense muscular power. Note. Ac
cording to Culver, the number of mus
cles in the elephant's truDk amounts to
400,000, allot which ate under the will
as it is to these that the proboscis of
this animal owes its flexibility. It
can be protracted at pleasure, raised np
or turned to either side, coiled around
on itself or twined around any object.
A Defense .of I'rclly Women.
After all, is the world so very absurd
in its love of pretty women ? Is woman
so very ridiculous in her chase after
beauty? A pretty woman is doing a
woman's work in the world, but not
making speeches, nor puddings, but
making life eunny and more beautifnL
Man has foresworn the pursuit of beauty
altogether. Does he seek it for himsol f,
he is guessed to be poetic ; there are
whispers that his morals are no better
than they ehonld be. In society reso
lute to bo ugly there is no post for an
Adonis, but that of a model or guards
man. But woman does for mankind
what man has ceased to do. ner aim
from childhood is to be beautiful.
E?en as a school girl she notes the
progress of her charms the deepening
color of her hair, the growing symmetry
of her arm, the ripening contour of her
cheek. We watch with silent interest
the mysterious reveries of the maiden ;
she is dreamiDg of a coming beauty and
panting for the glories of eighteen. In
sensibly the becomes an artist ; her
room is a studio, her glass an acailemy.
The joy of her toilet is the joy of
Raphael over his canva, of Michael
Angtlo over his marble. She is creating
beauty in the silence and the loneliness
of her chamber. She grows like any
art creation, the result of patience, of
hope, of a thousand delicate touohings
and retouchings. Woman is never per
fect, never complete. A r stless night
undoes the beauty of the day ; sunshine
blurs the evanescent coloring of the
cheek ; frost nips the tender outlines of
her face into sudden harshness. Care
plows its lines across her brow; mother
hood destroys the elastic lightness of
her form ; the bloom of her cheek, the
quick flash of her eye, fade and vanish
as the years go by. But woman is true
to her ideal. She won't know when she
is beaten, and she manages to steal
fresh victories even in her defeat. She
invents new conceptions of womanly
grace ; she rallies at forly, and fronts
us with the beauty of womanhood ; she
makes a last stand at sixty, with the
beauty of her age. She falls, like
C.-e?ar, wrapping her mantle around her
"buried in woolen 'twould a saint
provoke 1" Dsath listens pitifully to
the longiDga of a lifetime, and the
wrinkled face smiles with something of
the prettiness of eighteen.
The Secret of Beauty.
It is not in pearl powder, nor in gold
en hair-dye, nor in jewelry. It cannot
be got in a bottle or a box.
It is pleasant to be handsome ; but all
beauty is not in prettinesB. There is a
higher beauty, that makes us love peo
ple tenderly. Eyes, nose, hair, or skin
never did that yet ; though it is pleas
ing to see fine features. What you are
will make your face over for you in the
end, whether nature has made it plain
Good people are never ill-looking.
Whatever their faces may be, an amia
ble expression atones for all. If tbey
can be cheerful also, no one will love
them the less because their features are
not regular, or because they are too fat,
or too thin, too pale or too dark. Cal
tivation of the mind adds another charm
to their faces, and, on the whole, if any
girl is desirous of being liked by the
many and loved by the one, it is more
in her power than she may Welitve to
accomplish that object.
Cosmetics will not accomplish it, how
ever. Neither will fine dress ; though
a woman who does not dress becomingly
Forced smiles and affected amiability
will be of no avail ; bat if she can man
age to feel kindly to everybody, not to
be jealous, not to be cross, to be happy
if possible, and to encourage content
ment, then something will come into
her face that will foutlast youth's roses,
and fcftin her not only a husband, but a
The Fnneral Pneumatic Railroad.
A pneumatic subterraneous railroad is
to be constructed in Vienna, not for the
transportation of live freight, but for
the corpses of deceased from the city
to the cemeteriep. From the oellars of
centrally located chapels in the city,
tunnels, two, three, and four miles long,
will run to the different cemeteries out
side the city. The tunnels are to be
only large enough to pass tho coffins
lengthwise, which will be placed on a
small platform-car moving on rails,
while the blast of air sends the corpses
off to the cemetery at a rate of velocity
equal to forty or more miles per hour.
This does away with the tedious and
time-robbing funeral processions. All
the precession that takes place is in the
city from the house to the chapel; then,
as soon as the funeral servioe is ended,
the coffin is lowered down in the cellar
by means of an elevator, the friends go
home, while the body is labeled for its
destination, and goes where the grave
is situated. We must confer s it takes
much of the poetry of burial, the as
sembling of friends around the grave,
etc., but then the world is progressing,
time is becoming more and more pre
cious, and wo can no longer afford to
lose time with slow funerals ; and if the
living are clamorous for quick trans
portation, why not give this privilege
to the dead also?
VOL. XX. NO. 31.
The Consumption of American Cotton
Before looking to other countries we
may consider how far the American
crop can supply the world's consump
tion of Ameiican cotton. ' The careful
and searching scrutiny made of the
Ct nsumption last October, leads ns to
believe the invisible stock waa then un
derrated, and that the quantity of
American cotton actually consumed out
of tho last crop did not exceed 3,900,000
bales, if it reached that figure. Practi
cally the last crop yielded a surplus of
dOO.000 bales beyond the world's con
sumption. The previous one yielded a
surplus of 200,000, and we venture to
say that if the present crop reaches four
and' a 'quarter millions, it will yield a
surplus of 2"0, 000 bales, for we do not
think that the consuming power of the
world will exceed four millions the
present season. In Eogland the con
sumption will be stationary ; on the
oontinent it will increase a little; in
America it will, perhaps, be rather less,
for trade is exceedingly bad there, and
the mills are still working a good deal
of short time.
The result of three crops in America
will, therefore, bo to add about 750,000
bales to tho quantity of American cotton
remaining in stock at the end of th s
season, as compared with the famine
supply held at the end of the short crop
of 1871-72. Against this, however, we
have to put a large redaction in the
stocks of East India cotton. Nobody
can doubt that we have a sufficient sup
ply of American ootton the coming year.
with a crop exceeding 4 000.000, and a
superabundant supply if it exceeds
4,250,000. The Indian supply has
hitherto been the balance wheel of our
market. A big American crop and low
prices used to cut off so much from the
Eist that the pendulum swung round
aud our apparent snrp'us soon disap
peared. It seems, however, that lower
prices than we had once supposed will
bring us the fall weight of the Indian
crop. At the present moment there is
no sign of a smaller supply from India
next year, the crops in western India
are promising remarkably well. The
Oomrawuttee crop is estimated at 10
per cent, larger than last. The Broach
and Dhollerah are expected to be very
ccod if no mischief befall the m the next
two months, and the Dharwar crop is
moderately well ppoken of. The Ben
gal crop is also pretty good, whereas it
waa a failure last year. We think India
will supply as much ootton in 1875 as
in 1874, unless prices fall very low in
deed. Egypt does not promise well,
the season was not favorable, and esti
mates of decrease vary from 10 to 20
per cent, say 50,000 to 100,000 bales.
The Brazils are expected to give the
same as last year.
It appears, therefore, that our ootton
supply, es a whole, promises to be folly
equal to the consumption of the world,
and there does not appear to be room
for violent fluctuations in prices.
The mo6t trying period of our market
will be the spring months ; a heavy im
port will arrive continuously till mid
summer, the American cotton now tine
loses considerably, and it will need
strong accounts from America to sus
tain our market in the face of this. Y t
it is quite possible that if receipts fell
off unusually fast in the spring, we
might see such vigorous buying on the
part of the trade as to cause a smart ad
vance, in epite of the large report. On
the other hand, it is equally on the
cards that suoh large receipts and weak
ness in America will cause the import
to be pressed on our market and lead to
very low prices for a time. Ths next
two or three months will probably en
able us to know with tolerable certainty
what will be the lowest dip of the sea
son, or whether it is already past.
The Boy Was Innocent. The other
day a letter oarrier asked a Larch street
boy if he wouldn't stop at Mr. Jones'
house and tell the old man that there
was a registered letter in the postoffica
for him, and the boy said he'd cheer
fully do it. When he approached the
house he saw Mr. Jones at the gate,
shoveling off ioe, and he halloed across
the street :
" Say, Mr. Jones, you've got a letter
in the postoffioe."
"I have, eh? you young sauoe-box t"
roared Mr. Jonep, and he ran across the
street and made an awful blow at the
lad with bin snow shovel.
When the boy reached home he in
formed his mother that if ever Jones
wanted anybody to run for the doctor
again he'd do his own running.
The Stuff Ocr Army is Made Or.
During the last six or eight years, ac
cording to the Army and Navy Journal,
fully one half of the recruits received
into the army have deserted. There
has been an improvement, however,
during the last few years, the number
of desertions falling oft some fifty per
cent. The change is attributed to the
army bill of 1872, by the provisions of
which inducements are offered to men
to remain in the servioe. The pay was
increased, a portion being retained until
the final discharge, and savings banks,
wherein the thrifty might lay up a store
of cash, were established. The journal
thinks, and wisely, that the best mate
rial for the army is recruited in the
count r. towns.
A Woman s C,ikaoh. Richard A.
Proctor, in Lis "Borderland of Science,"
and in the chapter on " Flying and Fly
ing Machines," states that " the first
person who soared aloft in the air by
this invention (that of a kite carriage)
was a lady, whose oourage would not te
denied this teat of its strength. An
arm-chair was brought on the ground,
thtn lowering the cordage of the kite
by slackening the lower braoe, the hair
was firmly lashed to the mai- line, and
the lady took her seat. The main braoe
being hauled taut, the huge, bouyant
sail rose aloft with its fair burden, con
tinuing to ascend to the height of a
hundred yards. On descending she ex
pressed herself much pleased with the
easy motion of the kite, and the de
lightful prospect she had enjoyed."
A sad commentary on capital punish
ment, exercised in the case of murder
esses, is that of tho New Brunswick
w man, who recently gave birth to a
child that is to be deprived of its
mother next mouth by hanging. A
woman who whs recently hanged in
England, too, a'ked to suckle her infant
as the last not before ascending the
BAT1XGS AXD DOl.NUS.
Tot Indian remedy for retuoving ths
dandruff removing the scalp.
Ibdia has now 8,700,000 acres of land
devoted to ootton cultivation.
Whin a Boston man takes a Raian
bath he imparts a dark stain to sixteen
gallons of water.
There are only three women in Mil
waukee who can direct an envelope
straight without first drawing a line
with a pin.
A "please help tho po r" box in
Philadelphia received only four cen's
duriDg the year 1874, and tLree cf tl ceo
were very thin ce nta.
A California man advertir.es for a
wife, beauty no object, but wants lnr
friends to deposit $1,500 with him as
security for her good be havior.
The danger of dabblirg in FptcU
politics is thown in tho fart that more
than 20,000 persona have b n arreted
in France for insurrectiounry cmniun
ism. An elephant is l,227,38tl times larpor
than a flea, but yet there arc wouieu
who growl at pnjing two nhilliug to
visit a menagerie and, will turn a featLer
bed over for half a day to hiibt a floo.
All the axes aud buck-saws fonnd in
the ruins of Pompeii are cf 1 ij-lit moke,
as if countruetd for women's nse.
These old aiiCicnta knew their littia
A Taris merchant who refused lo ad
vertise was challoLged by nu editor and
shot. The man who pnya anything
against advertising dvMrres to ba fhot
on the ppot.
Admiral Porter says we have no
navy, aud that thero are a hundred
iron clads in Europe, any one of which
is cnpable of dcKtroying in action our
whole fleet or rubiLcd.
The Indians at IVto.ky, aenor.lina; to
the Clam Lake News, have tho follow
ing expressive if rot elogant caving for
one of the Grand lUpLis and Indiana
railroad employes : " Ugh, much talk,
d d little do.'
Vahi'fz, thenotfd ban lit of Califor
nia, Las been cmvi.'ted cf thirty-acvu
separate and dint iuct murder. We al
ways said thntwlien a man poos into
any kind of bninocs ho oiiftht to do his
best to make a mcceas of it.
"A crisis exifita in H uUi Ararrics,"
says a cable ncpaim irm louoon.
and revolution H coriMdi-rod im
minent." That in tho kind of news we
have boen getting from South Amorio
for the last flffy years. It in becoming
te-Jion'. Tell us something new.
The San Francicco papoia boant that
their new " Talaco Hotel" will require
four thousand locks and forty-eight
thouaand keys to muke it just the tLirg.
These locks and keys will weigh seven
tons and will cost 320,000 in f ol J coin.
Chicago stands shafct. The Grand
Pacifio must hide its dituitiinlit d head.
lFyouwinhto drowu yourself, kick
and eplatdi about as violently aa you can,
snd you will soou go to the bottom.
But if tou remember you are lighter
than water, and if you calmly and
steadily refrain from druwing yonr
breath while under the wat r, keep yonr
head raised, and yonr arm under, you
will soon learn to float and swim like a
Kate, in a note from Brooklyn, ex
presses her won ler that nn-n gcner.dly
are not better ikillod in the art of look
ing at a pretty womin in tho street car.
She says that all girli are pleased to
have their attraction reoonizftd in a
certain gentle way the eyes lingering
for an instant only but that a pro
longed stare from a man, no nmltor how
handsome he may be, eieites nothing
but a feeling of an.ioyanoj anl dingiibt.
Statistical tables show there ar-j iu
the whole world alout one. hundred and
sixtv fonrcities wi'.h inn.OOO inhabitant";
nine with over 1,0(0,000; telv. with
from 1,000,00!) dojrn to .r.( o into; twenty
with from C00 000 to -loo.ooo; thirty-
three with from 200,000 to .'100,000 : an.l
ninety with from 100,000 to 200,000.
The sgeregate of thcHe larg" cities com
prises 50,000,000 c f inhabitants, that is
to say the twenty-eighth part of the en
tire population of tho g1olx
The Paris gofsipa call tho rnarria7
of Mile. Oinlia Str&kohch daughter of
Mr. Manrico Strakoach, snd niece of
Patti, Marquise Da Caux, with M.
Ernest Bonrdillon, a young and rising
advocate of the Coiir d'Appe', a splen
did match a love match in the bar
gain, a thing not always found in
France. M. Bonrdillon is a liandHome
young fellow, of very polihe.l man
ners, and will cer'ainly make his mark.
Mile. Strakoseh is a sweet snd winning
young lady, who inherits the ronnioal
talents of her pireuts. A very largo
and fashionable awnibly assist d at
the nuptial benvliction at the Church
of Saint Angnatin.
An interesting relic of by-gone timo
has lately disappeared with the det.Ui,
on December 22, of Lord Byron's valet.
Faloieri, at the age of peventy eight
After tho poet's death, hia friend Sir
John Hobhonae.afterward LordBrough
ton, took Falcieri into his employ tn
courier. Beforo lour, however, tho
courier returned to his former calling,
and continued to serve as valet with
Isaao Diaraeli, anMior of "The Curi
osities of Literature," and father t'
jhe present 1'rimo Mirnater, OLtil bi
master's death. In IH.'J Lord ItrotiRh-
ton got him a berth as messenger at th i
board of ooutrol. He was a very
pleasant, obliging person, Bnd ai asnist
ant to the heod f1i.M keeper, the iki
lite old Italian, with Lis broken Enr;.
lish, was ofton hell in fri.ndty chat by
thfse who came aoroM him iu the way
Iron in iiik t;i.ieiN Matter cr
Blood. Paonelin and .Tolly, in a
memoir presented to the Paris acad
emy, have proved : Firat, that the in. a
exists in the blood dinks in the state of
m tribario phosphate. Second, that the
hematin does not contain iron what
already Chevrenl olmerved when ho
stated that tho comp ositioa of the col
oring matter varies with tho nature of
the solvent nsed for its extraction, bat
at the same time he did not know how
to obtain it in a pnre ftate. We havo
succeeded in obUitiug the pigment ..-r-
fectly pure and free from iron. II ma
tin has the following properties: It
bums without leaving ahec, lik r- s
inons aubt-tauoes ; it is inKoltibV in
pure water ; it deaolves in a very fniall
quantity in ammoniscal water, to hich
it gives a pale yellow tint; it is charged
by solutions of potai-h and caustic aoda.
to which it gives a brown ulor ; it is
slightly soluble in alcohol ; the solution
is amber color ; the solvents of the h m
atosine are ether, chloroform, Wnzc Is,
and bisnlphau of carton. With thMe
bodies the diluted aolntion is amber
color ; whea concentrated it is rtnl.
Savobt OMFXKr Miko batter as for
a pancake, chop a littlo pamley and
greeu onions, and ppier and salt, htir
in, and fry iu plenty of lard. It may I
served either dry or with gravy.