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Newspaper Page Text
IN THE BARNYARD.
"I I 1 7? I 1
NOT QUITE SO BAD.
Jack Fullback—Did you ever play
The Cowboy—No, but I once got
•aught in a drove of stampeded mules.
And to think that fop three years I've been the Beau Brummel of this yard!"
The smartest folks are not the ones
Who prosper by their wealth of wit.
But rather those who get along
By other people's lack of it.
Mrs. Lambo—Doan' yo' husband lub
yo' eny mo'? He used to say fer a
good wife yo' was de record.
Mrs. Sambo—Yaas, en now he comes
home en tries to beat de record.
THE FIRST HUCKSTER.
"Any apples today, lady?"
MARY'S LITTLE MISTAKE.
Our Mary went to cooking school
And came home all elate
And said she'd make a biscuit, but
She made a paperweight.
"What the deuce do you suppose that fellow does over there?"
"Oh, that's Grinder, the poet. He turns out autumn poetry.*
•The autumn attic poet, eh?"
XOHEfRE, ^TOUTROW ZdAHIUES NOT
TURNED BOTH WAYS.
"That jfcung SimoWto.i to whom I was engaged last summer turned up yesterday."
"Grades! You |ioor thing! What did you do?",
"I accepted him."
THAT BAD BOY.
"You appear to 'iave quite a bad
cold, Mr. Stinjay," said the hostess
"Yes," replied the guest "it's set
tler! in my chest, and it's exceedingly
"Oh, yes, pa was tellin' us about it!"
broke in the hostess' littla boy. "He
said you were awful 'tight chested.'"
A NARROW ESCAPE.
"Yes, that's Scrubbs, the great foot
"How pale ho looks."
"Yes lie had quite a scare this
"What caused it?"
"He came very near getting in the
way of a bargain day rush."
Clara—He says my singing is supe
rior to that of any girl he knows. I
Maude—Poor fellow! It's a pity he
is unable to extend his acquaintance,
THE POLLYS GIYE A SMOKE TALK.
A CRACKER STORY IS OK-
NOT AT A LOSS.
"I suppose old Cashman has more
money than he knows what to do
"Yes, but his wife and daughters^ire
ready to supply the needed informa
"Let's go to the theater tonight."
"I don't dare leave the baby, dear."
"Well, I tell you what we'll do. I'll go.*'
Miss Pen—You see, I'd want to get
a line on the habits of the man who
was going to rule my heart.
Mr. Ruler—Well, I'm proud to. say
that I've always kept straight.
PERILS OF ETIQUETTE.
It is the correct thing to remember that ail games, such as fencing, boxing, etc., increase both the grace of the
movements and health of the body.
Mary owned little tooth
And had it filled with gold,'
And so a little something saved
To use when she was old.
"Dis paper sez dat Teddy Roosevelt's
publishers give him a dollar a word."
"Dat's nothin'. I wunst got ?2 a
word—when I sassed de judge.""
Don't blame the barber if he talks
While razoring your skin.
Just think—how could he shave a mar
Without a little chin?
COURTESIES OF THE ROAD
Mrs. Eager (throwing open the door): "Oh, excuse me! 1 thought it wa.
Rats Maguinnis: "Well, mum, yez needn't apologize. 1 wouldn't bi
ashamed to be."